Oh my...oh my god. I'm listening to the To This Day poem...whenever I listen to this, I start to get mad at the world. D: Then I start to talk about it like I am right now. AGH. If you don't know what it is, search it up. Please. UGH! I'm spreading the poem again! It's a bullying poem, just saying. Watch until the end if you find it on YouTube. It's very inspirational. It pulls me out of depression every time.
But...off the poem topic, I decided to take TWO topics! One is from my best friend in real life and the other is from a viewer. :) My friend's idea was that Jordan and Kate have to go to Kate's mom's home. The viewer's idea was that Jason forms a crush on Kate. Ooooo, my my, I love that second choice XD even if I'm making a Jason love story, I wanna do this because it's a really good idea. Thank you all for the ideas on this chapter! Enjoy!
((P.S. I will be using the poem To This Day in one part of this story. It will have part of the lyrics, or maybe all. I just really love the poem.))
Chapter 14: Chapter No Name :D
**Kate's POV**
After lunch, everyone had started to roam around in groups. Jordan wanted to be in my group, but Ryan insisted that he needed a break from me. I ended up getting paired up with Jason. We walked around the streets, pointing out some cool sights to see. We came across a small park that was nearly deserted. It had no play-sets or swings; instead, there was a small creek running through the grassy area. There was a wooden bridge placed across the creek, which was surrounded by trees.
I blinked, my chest suddenly feeling heavy with agony as something flashed into my mind.
"I'll race ya to the creek!" Travis sang, running towards the creek.
Autumn and I glared at him and caught up moments before he reached the rushing water. We laughed as all of us walked along the banks. Because of the melting ice from an unusual winter, the banks had decreased in size due to the rising waters. We climbed up to our bridge and sat down, feet hanging over the side. The three of us joked around about random stuff. Autumn had to leave soon after we sat down. She waved good bye and vanished into the thick lining of trees, leaving Travis and I some alone time.
"The creek seems good to swim in, with how full it is." I said, staring at the rushing water.
"Are you crazy? You'd get swept away if you even tried to swim in that!" Travis laughed.
"You wanna bet?" I glared at him playfully.
"Oh, to hell I do." Travis gave me a challenging glance.
"Okay then. I'm gonna go swim!" I lifted my head with pride as I rushed down to the shore.
I shot Travis a determined glance as I stepped in, covering my jeans in cold water. I stuck my tongue out at Travis as he rolled his eyes. I was suddenly hit in the back back something large, forcing me under water. I got a quick glance of a large branch as something else smashed into my back, forcing air out of my lungs. I desperately swam to the surface, gasping for air. I glanced around, surprised to find that I couldn't see the bridge. Screaming, I was forced into a dark tunnel. The sewers. I gasped for air as more contents scraped at my back. Suddenly, light flooded my vision and I was pulled out of the freezing water.
"We are never coming here again..." Travis's voice filled my ears as I slipped out of consciousness.
Before I knew it, I was out of the flash back and sitting on the bridge, feet dangling over the ledge. Jason was standing beside me, glancing down at me.
"You okay?" Jason ask, finally sitting beside me. He mocked my position and gazed off into the water.
"U-um, yeah. Just...this place..." I glanced around, taking in all of my surroundings.
"Huh?" Jason faced me.
"Oh, um, nothing. I just used to come here when I was little. Autumn, Travis, and I came here whenever we visited Dallas. We made a whole playhouse underneath a tree. I don't know if it's here, but I surely won't be able to fit in it anymore." I told him.
Jason smiled and looked around the park. "It's a very nice park."
"You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what happened." I sighed, eyes glued to my lap.
"What do you mean?"
"Um...the last time I was here was when I was 13. I couldn't really...swim...and I was stupid enough to forget. I was used to the waters being so..shallow..but for what ever reason it wasn't. A branch hit the back of my head and I was forced underwater. Travis pulled me out right as I was about to lose all my air and vowed that we'd never come here again..." I explained, biting my lip.
I suddenly felt something warm. I glanced up, suddenly realizing Jason was hugging me. I blinked as he pulled away, his face red.
"U-uh...sorry." Jason sighed.
"No, it's fine." I smiled at him. "It's good to have a friend like you."
Jason's face suddenly seemed to shatter and he quickly glanced down at the water. I blinked, features forming a confused structure. My phone suddenly started to ring. I glanced down, seeing that Jordan was calling. A stone flipped in my stomach and I smiled, answering.
"Hey." I greeted.
"Hey. Where are you? It's been an hour." Jordan called into the phone.
"Oh, I'm at a park. It's really been an hour?" I asked, standing up.
"Yeah. Ryan and I are bored. Can we meet up with you and Jason?" Jordan called into the phone.
"Yeah, sure. We're by a school of something. You'll know it when you see it. Just look for a creek and trees." I explained, painting a picture of the park.
"OK, thank you. I'll be there in a minute." Jordan ended the call and I shoved my phone in my pocket, smiling.
"Why're you so happy?" Jason asked, standing up.
I glanced down at him. "Oh, um, Jordan and Ryan are coming so-" I was cut off by the ringing of my phone. I picked it up and saw it was from my mom. Eyes growing wide, I started the call quickly. "Mom?"
"Kate! Autumn told me the news...are you okay?" My mom asked.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm just on crutches. What do you need?" I asked, leaning on my right crutch.
"Um...Kate..honey...would it be too much to ask for you to come home and see me?" My mom's voice cracked at the end. "I never got to say goodbye because of work."
"Yeah, of course. But, um, can I bring company?" I asked, thinking about Jordan.
"Sure. Who are they?"
"His name is Jordan. Um...he is my boyfriend." I explained.
I heard a gasp on the other end of the phone. "OH MY GOD KATE YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME!?"
I laughed. "Well, we sort of got together when I was in the hospital, so I didn't really have time to pass the news." I explained, noting how Jason's face fell.
"Oh, well, you can absolutely bring him!" She cheered, grin clear in her words.
"Thank you, mom." I smiled. "I have to go now, bye!" I hung up as my mom said her goodbyes. I glanced at Jason, smiling.
"Who was that?" He asked.
"My mom. She wanted me to come home because my..." I glanced at my injuries. Jason nodded, knowingly. "Yeah. So I'm gonna have to go there soon."
"Oh..." Jason sighed. "Well, keep in touch, please."
"Of course I will!" I laughed. "I'm going to my mom's house, not dying!"
Jason smiled, but it soon faded as he looked over my shoulder. "Um..your boyfriend is here." He said.
I turned and smiled at Jordan, who was walking over with Ryan. He hugged me and kissed my forehead, saying his usual 'hey'.
"So..Jordan, my mom called and she wants me to get back to my home to visit. She said it would be fine if you came.." I offered.
"Really? That would be great! I'd like to meet your mom, anyways." Jordan grinned, holding my hand.
I blushed at the gesture and looked around at everyone. "So...what are we gonna do for now?"
~~2 Days later: Outside the hospital: 10:36 am~~
I set down all the items I'd brought to the lake into the taxi's trunk. Autumn smiled at me sadly as I leaned on the crutches for support. I returned the smile, turning to all of Team Crafted, Travis, Autumn, and Ryan. Jordan came out carrying Jayson, the little kitten mewling in excitement to have attention.
"You better record with us once you get back to California." Adam demanded. "We have to have a proper celebration sometime on you joining Team Crafted."
I laughed. "Sure, fine. Now, I really have to get going. My mom is expecting us." I took a quick glance at Jordan.
Autumn came up and hugged me. "Be safe in the car." She told me.
I smiled sadly. "Always." I nodded.
Travis ran over to me, crying. He hugged onto my leg like he did when I told him I was moving. "DON'T LEAVE!" He yowled.
I chuckled. "Oh, come on Travis. I'm still gonna Skype you. I'm just going to my mom's house, not dying."
Travis sighed and stood, suddenly becoming more serious. "Bye." He hugged me. I hugged back and we pulled apart.
I climbed into the backseat of the taxi and waved to everyone, who all returned the gesture. Jordan climbed in next to me and smiled, Jayson climbing in between us. I stroked Jay's soft fur silently as the taxi pulled out of the parking lot. Everyone waved to us as they faded out of view. I sighed and turned in my seat, closing my eyes. Jordan intertwined out fingers as I fell into a small slumber.
Before I knew it, Jordan was shaking me awake. I looked up groggily to see that we had arrived at my old home. I smiled and picked up Jay, climbing out of the taxi. I handed the driver his pay and unloaded the luggage. Jordan came beside me, smiling. I returned the smile and carried my luggage to the door, Jordan following close behind with his luggage. I knocked twice and the door flung open. I was suddenly pulled into a bone-crushing hug. I laughed and looked up at my mom.
"Hi, Mom." I greeted, hugging her back.
"How are you feeling!?" She immediately asked.
"Better then when I was in the car crash." I answered, stepping aside so she could see Jordan.
My mom smiled. "Oh, you must be Jordan!" She shook his hand.
"Yep. It's nice to meet you." He shook her hand as best as he could, due to his luggage.
My mom looked at me funny. "Kate, you never said that he was CaptainSparklez!"
Jordan smirked at me, probably thinking about how I said I didn't know who he was when we first met. "Huh, so she knew me?"
"Oh, yes! She loved you!" My mom laughed, as if it was obvious.
Jordan smiled. "Well, I think she loves me now, also. Except I actually return the feeling." He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, causing my face to heat up.
"You two are so cute together! Please, come in!" We walked in and Jordan glanced around. "Jordan, you can go find the guest room, it's just down the hall beside Kate's room." My mom pointed to the guest room. "I have to talk with Kate."
I smiled at my mom as Jordan walked to the given direction. She sat on the couch in the living room and I followed, sitting across from her.
"So...how has the..depression been going?" My mom asked, voice filled with caution.
"Better. I've started to eat again. Travis forced me to make a deal that I couldn't..you know..throw up." I told her.
She nodded solemnly. "That's good."
I sighed, looking at my legs. "Yep."
"How's your leg?" She gestured to my broken leg.
"Good, I guess. I still have to use the crutches, though." I answered.
"Here, I'll go make up something to eat. You want lemonade and chicken?" My mom asked, standing up.
"Sure. I'll go unpack." With that, I stood up and grabbed my luggage, Jay mewling. I walked over to my room to find the door was already open.
I stepped in and paused, finding Jordan studying my CaptainSparklez photo I'd drawn on the wall. He faced me and grinned as my face grew heated.
"Did you draw this?" He asked, gesturing to the painting.
"Yeah, but I never colored it." I answered, glancing at the drawing.
"It's nice. You're really good at drawing, you know." He smiled and walked up to me. "You should color it in." He grinned down at me and leaned in for a quick kiss.
I kissed back and we pulled away. I walked over to my closet, forgetting exactly what was inside. It was a closet that was shaped like a T. ((It's hard to explain, but if you walk into the closet, it has walls going like a T if that makes any sense.)) I opened to the closet and felt my chest grow heavy with depression. Along the walls were drawings. On the left wall was a chubby boy. He had a baseball cap on and a bruise on the right side of his hip. He was looking at the ground sadly. On the right was a girl with pigtails. She was curled in a ball, a birthmark taking up half of her face. I walked forward and looked around the corner of the left wall. There was a painting of a boy who was taking pills. He was surrounded by pills and razors. I glanced at the corner of the right wall to see a girl. She had short, brown hair like my own. She was in front of a girl who stood almost a foot taller than her. Her hands were balled up into fists and she looked as though she was back talking to the tall girl, tears streaming down her face.
On the back wall ((The top part of the 'T')) were words written out along the wall. At the top of the paragraphs of words were three words that were written in bold letters. To This Day. I looked over the poem's words, already memorizing them by heart:
((This is the poem I was talking about in the A/N at the top. If you read the poem that I'm about to put in here, then you'll understand the paintings.))
When I was a kid, I used to think that porkchops and karate chops were the same thing. I thought they were both porkchops. And because my grandmother thought it was cute and because they were my favorite, she let me keep doing it. Not really a big deal.
One day, before I realized fats kids weren't designed to climb trees, I fell out of a tree and bruised the right side of my body. I didn't want to tell my grandmother about it because I was afraid I'd get in trouble for playing somewhere I shouldn't have been.
A few days later the gym teacher noticed the bruise and I got sent to the principal's office. From there I was sent to another room with a really nice lady who asked me all kinds of questions about my life. I saw no reason to lie. As far as I was concerned, life was pretty good. I told her "whenever I'm sad my grandmother gives me karate chops."
This led to a full scale investigation and I was removed from the house for three days. Until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises. News of this silly little story quickly spread through the school and I earned my first nick name... Porkchop. To this day, I hate porkchops.
I'm not the only kid who grew up this way. Surrounded by people who used to say that rhyme about sticks and stones. As if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called, and we got called them all. So we grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us. That we'd be lonely forever. That we'd never meet someone to make us feel like the sun was something they built for us in their tool shed.
So broken heart strings bled the blues as we tried to empty ourselves so we would feel nothing. Don't tell me that hurts less than a broken bone. That an ingrown life is something surgeons can cut away. That there's no way for it to metastasize. It does.
She was eight years old. Out first day of grade three when she got called ugly. We both got moved to the back of class so we would stop getting bombarded by spit balls. But the school halls were battleground where we found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day.
We used to stay inside for recess because outside was worse. Outside we'd have to rehearse running away, or learn to stay still like statues giving no clues that we were there. In grade five they taped a sign to her desk that read "beware of dog".
To this day, despite a loving husband, she doesn't think she's beautiful because of a brithmark that takes up a little less than half of her face. Kids used to say "She looks like a wrong answer that someone tried to erase but couldn't quite get the job done. And they'll never understand that she's raising two kids whose definition of beauty begins with the word "mom". Because they see her heart before they see her skin. That she's only ever been amazing.
He was a broken branch crafted onto a different family tree. Adopted. Not because his parents opted for a different destiny. He was three when he became a mixed drink of one part left alone and two parts tragedy. Started therapy in 8th grade. Had a personality made up of tests and pills. Lived like the uphills were mountains and the downhills were cliffs.
Four fifths suicidal, a tidal wave of anti-depressants and an adolescence of being called popper. One part because of the pills and ninety-nine parts because the cruelty. He tried to kill himself in grade ten when a kid who still had his mom and dad had the audacity to tell him "get over it" as if depression is something that can be remedied by any of the contents found in a first aid kit.
To this day he is a stick of TNT lit from both ends. Could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends in the moments before it's about to fall. And despite an army of friends who all call him an inspiration, he remains a conversation piece between two people who can't understand that sometimes being drug free has less to do with addiction and more to do with sanity.
We weren't the only kids who grew up this way. To this day kids are still being called names. The classics were "Hey stupid", "Hey spaz". Seems like each school has an arsenal of names getting updated every year. And if a kid breaks in a school and no one around chooses to hear, do they make a sound? Are they just the background noise of a soundtrack stuck on repeat when people say things like "kids can be cruel"?
Every school was a big top circus tent. And the pecking order went from acrobats to lion tamers. From clowns to carnies. All of these were miles ahead of who we were. We were freaks. Lobster claw boys and bearded ladies. Oddities juggling depression and loneliness playing solitaire spin the bottle, trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal.
But at night, while the others slept, we kept walking the tightrope. It was practice. And, yeah, some of us fell.
But I want to tell them that all of this shit is just debris. Leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought we used to be. And if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer. Because there's something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quit.
You built a cast around your broken heart and signed it yourself. You signed it "THEY WERE WRONG." Because maybe you didn't belong to a group of a click. Maybe they decided to pick you last of basket ball or everything. Maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth to show and tell but never told because how can you hold your ground when everyone wants to bury you beneath it? You have to believe that they were wrong. They have to be wrong...
Why else would we still be here? We grew up learning to cheer on the underdog because we see ourselves in them. We stem from a root planted in the belief that we are not what we are called. We are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on a highway. And if in some way we are, don't worry. We only got out to walk and get gas.
We are graduating members from the class of "fuck off, we made it". Not the faded echoes of voices crying out "names will never hurt me."
Of course...they did. But our lives will only ever always continue to be a balancing act that has less to do with pain, and more to do with beauty.
I was on the ground before I could realize that I was crying. I felt the world drain from my vision as the last words crossed my mind. I didn't realize that Jordan had rushed in. I didn't realize that he read the poem with me. I didn't realize he had seen the drawings. I didn't realize he saw my name plastered above the girl talking back to the bully. I didn't realize he was hugging me. I didn't realize any of this until he whispered something in my ear.
"Kate...shh...it's okay..." Jordan whispered into my ear.
I hiccuped, trying to hold my emotions. "I-I'm sorry...to g-get emotional..." I hiccuped.
Jordan tightened his grip around me, as if he could lose me any second. "It's perfectly fine, Kate. You can tell me all about it, if you want."
I sniffed, deciding that I should. "W-well...um..it started in high school. A girl named Emily came to town and..she saw me as an easy target...because I was younger, I guess." I started off. "She started to..to bully me and...it..I had no idea what to do until Travis and Autumn would come and help. One day...I..I was walking home, alone and bumped into Emily. I grew to my limit as she..she started to s-say things about m-me. I talked back to her a-and she just...she didn't even seem to ca-care. An-and she punched me in the gut l-leaving me to try and g-get home without th-throwing up. But..about a mo-month later...she wouldn't stop the bullying. So...I-I...I cut. B-But I stopped once I r-realized what I was do-doing." I hiccuped through the whole story, the whole time Jordan was hugging me.
"That's terrible...I..wow..." Jordan was obviously at a loss of words.
"Just..don't pity over me. It's over...and I'm better, I guess, since Emily moved 2 years ago." I sighed, finally calming down.
Jordan pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "That's better. I don't like a sad Kat."
I raised a brow. "Who said you could call me Kat?" I asked.
"Me." With that, Jordan leaned in and kissed me, burning away all my troubles.
Aw. A sad chapter with a good ending. Ahh...I love that poem. For now this chapter goes unrevised, as usual. Sorry D: But I hope you liked this extra long chapter! PEACE!