He Shouldn't Have Done That

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Obviously. Just playing in someone else's sandbox for a bit.

Summary: Brennan ends her partnership with Booth after she considers his confession to Hannah about her the ultimate betrayal. AU.

Chapter 3 – Three Months After

When you cut someone out of your life, especially when it's done out of necessity… the stages of pain are very regular. There's a clear pattern to them, a rhyme and reason to how things occur. First, you go numb. You're still in shock as your mind and heart processes what happens. Even though you know what's happened, you really don't understand it. You go from one day to the next, just going through the motions, distracting yourself the trauma that you've just had inflicted on yourself and the loneliness that fights the trauma for your attention. You come to miss that person. And, it's hard… at first. You cry at odd times… usually music is involved, or some type of other sensory stimulation. You hear a song that never used to make you think of that person, but it does now. You see a TV show or watch a bit of a movie that you originally viewed with that person, and you recall the experience, and it makes you sad. You go into a place like a restaurant, a store, a park, etc.., and that place is one where you used to go to with that person. After you've cut them out of your life, you want to avoid the pang of regret every time you go past said location so you start avoiding those places and look for new ones to go to instead.

Eventually, yes, you still think about that person every single day, as soon as you wake up, as soon as you begin to fall asleep. You glance at the passenger's seat in your car, and remember all the times he sat there when you drove… sat there and shared conversations and trips… and just *shared*. But, time passes, and then, you realize, yes, you are still thinking about him, but now... now, maybe, on most days, you can also do so without having an emotional response. The ache is gone, mostly. And, slowly… after a little more time, you no longer have to chastise yourself for thinking about them, because you know you shouldn't and so force yourself to concentrate on other things. But, slowly, you realize that you don't *want* to think about him because you are embarrassed. You start to wonder… 'how could I have been that stupid?' - 'What made me think he was ever special enough to begin with to be in a position where he could turn me into such a weak person?' - And, when you reached that point that you're embarrassed by the past. No, you're not completely free of it, but you have reached the embarrassment stage. That's the part when you know that you're almost there, and you're almost ready to let go.

I spent January no longer feeling numb. I was still hurting, but what I was feeling about him and the entire situation was no longer numbness. Yes, I was still thinking about him all the time… and having to chastise myself for it. But, one day, I started to make changes. They were subtle changes at first. I went into my cell phone and deleted his number, even though I can still remember it by heart (all three, actually - home, work, and cell). I went into my email, and deleted his email address from my contact list. I then deleted any personal email I could that I had ever sent to the 'saved folder' for random reasons. I deleted all the classic rock mp3s from my iPod, but I still do have them on my hard drive at home. I won't let him take away Foreigner for me for ever… just for right now.

When I go out to get a drink, I don't touch red wine anymore. Instead, I order white now. I won't order do shots of tequila or vodka. I refuse to even order any drink made with scotch. I chose new drinks, drinks I never drank when I knew him, vodka and cranberry juice being a particular favorite. I stop ordering Thai and Chinese food, not permanently, just for now. And, I begin to prefer Vietnamese and Japanese instead. I stopped going to Wong Foos or Mamas or the diner, but I refused to concede the Founding Fathers to him. But, when we go… when we go, Angela always goes there first, and makes certain that he isn't there before she texts me, and in a roundabout way, let's me know it's okay to come. And, when we do go, we don't sit at the usual corner of the bar or at the back high top that were so familiar. Instead, I would choose a booth or a couple of freestanding tables on the opposite side of the bar, and, the change… it was good, and it helped.

And, as time passed, one month turned into two, two months turned into three, and the dreams began to lessen. Instead of happening every night, they reduced themselves in quantity and intensity, gradually, over time, so that by the end of January… by the end of January, I actually went an entire week without having a dream about him.

But, as all things happen - the world is such a small place after all - one day I was standing with Caroline in the hallway outside of one of the federal courtrooms one day before the first of the month. We are waiting for court to come back into recess. Sully was by my side chatting about something, when, around a corner… just like it was an accident - it *had* to be an accident - he came purposely walking forward. And, for a split second, just a split second, our eyes locked. And, I know he saw me because I've saw him. There could be *no* denial of that fact. And, the look we shared was intense for just the merest fraction of a second. But, then I looked away casually, and in no way acknowledge him. In turn, he reacted. I could see the flash of some type of emotion in his eyes, but only for a split second, before he spun on his heels and turned around, quickly walking in the opposite direction from which he had come.

I really shouldn't have been surprised when I fell asleep that night and found myself where I was… but I was.

"Heya, Bones," he greeted me with a grin.

We were in his office this time. That was a first. Previously, when I had dreamed of us at the Hoover, yes, it was night, but always we were in front of that damn sign with the Carl Sandburg quote. This time, it was late at night, obviously after hours, and he was dressed as he often was after a long day on the job. His suit jacket hung on the back of his desk chair, his tie was loosened, the top two buttons on his shirt undone, his sleeves rolled up… and he did look tired, but happy. How many hours had I spent in this office, in this exact chair, staring at him looking life that outside my dreams? Looking at him, looking at me, like that? Too many to count… but, apparently not enough. Time, I had yet again run out of time.

"I saw him today," I confessed immediately.

"Yeah, well, I guessed something probably happened that brought you here tonight. You haven't been by in a few days, you know," he said, almost wistfully.

I opened my mouth to apologize, but then shut it. After all, he had told me I was God here, right? So, I don't have to apologize if I'm God.

"I hated seeing him today," I confessed again.

At this, he looks up at me. "Oh?"

I nodded. "I… I can't help but find… that while I am starting to feel embarrassed by how I reacted during our relationship…"

"Hmmm, a 'relationship' now, huh? That's quite the big thing to admit so casually, Bones," he observed.

I shrugged. "It was what it was, as you said before. I am merely following your example. It's time to stop hiding behind professional labels and repeated denials. It was a relationship, albeit a relationship without sex. It was a pseudo-relationship that occurred over the years for a number of reasons, but is over now. So, it should be referenced and referred to as it was for what it actually was."

"Okay."

I nodded again and continued on by saying, "In the aftermath of finally ending that relationship, I believed that I was close to letting go of my emotions surrounding that even. But, I-I… I was furious today when I saw him. I must admit that I had not anticipated feeling so much anger at such an occurrence taking place. Logically, I knew it would happen eventually if I continued to consult with the FBI on cases. However, I did not expect, when I saw him again, to feel such a burst of violent emotion. I spent a lot of time today thinking about it. And, I've realized that I'm angry because, when I saw him, I realized that I still want to blame him for my actions during the time our relationship took place. I *do* place the blame for my illogical and irrational behavior on him."

"Well, at least you're being honest. Not necessarily fair, but the honesty is a good thing," Booth remarked.

Nodding, I said, "I find that in seeing him again, I am not only reminded of those embarrassing actions on my part, but I am also doubting my relationships with people who knew me during that time. And, if I'm not completely sure that the people who were present to witness my embarrassing actions are *completely* loyal to *me*, so, I don't want them around. If there's any chance, any at all, they are taking his part, I want to distance myself from them. Forget, begin again, give myself a chance to start over knowing that the past won't come back to haunt me. But, I'm not doing that. I'm not really letting go, and I think I finally figured out today the reason why I'm not letting go. I'm still so angry, and I don't know how I can do that if I still feel all this anger inside."

"Setting aside that that's a ramble and a half," Booth said. "I don't see how that's any different than it was before for you."

"Oh?"

He nodded. "You've been angry at him since the very first moment. The anger's been present since the very first moment that Hannah opened her mouth and told you that he had betrayed your confidence… and he hadn't even bothered to let you know what he'd told her. No, you had to hear things from her about your relationship with him. And, who's to say that you would have even heard if Angela had pressed you to go and find Hannah yourself?"

These were thoughts that had been bouncing around my thought processes all day. Slowly I nodded my head in agreement, but said nothing. He took that as a cue to continue.

"So, yeah... he told a lot of people. Hannah? Well, she's the girlfriend. So, of course, he has to go and confess to her. That's what couples do, isn't that what she told you? He had to? Of course, that's only if you were a threat, but if he moved on, then how could you be a threat? But, okay, we'll set that aside. So, right... he told Hannah. Yup, he told her. But, then, that doesn't really explain Sweets. What about him?" he asked.

I bit my lip at that. He saw, but apparently ignored it when I remained quiet.

"Again, even Sweets got the 411 before you," he continued. "But, you? The one person he should have done the courtesy of at least broaching the topic with, maybe given a little warning to? For you? Nope, nada, Bones, nothing. And, since the moment you've come to that realization, well, I think that's what started you having a response driven by anger. All the other stuff that came after it, the hurt, rejection, despair? Those were just like throwing gasoline on a fire that was already burning pretty brightly."

Again I nodded, but said nothing.

"So, you've been angry. You've been as angry as you might have ever been in your life about something as you have been these past few months. Is that a fair assessment of how you see things?" he asked.

"I can't deny that it was a certain amount of indignation and anger that drove my actions after Hannah's conversation with me," I mused. "So, I would have to say, yes."

"Just a 'certain' amount?" he dead-panned.

I frowned. "Okay… a lot… especially when Daisy Wick told me what Sweets had told her that Sweets had been told by him. Even allowing for a certain percentage of distortion in the repeated re-tellings, Ms. Wick has an excellent memory. It is safe to assume that because of him, and his big mouth, and lack of discretion, that my personal feelings have now became fodder for the FBI and Jeffersonian gossip mills. My privacy was violated, so, you're right. I was pissed off when I found out not only had he told Hannah about our conversation, and Sweets... who told Daisy, and who knows who else. Then, the more I thought about it, about everything, the angrier I got. I got particular upset when I thought about what Daisy told me Sweet told her what he told Sweets about what *exactly* he told Hannah, because, by all accounts, he wasn't as exactly as forthcoming as he should have been."

"So you got pissed off… and you've stayed pissed off," Booth said, a statement, not a question.

I was quiet for a moment, and then said, "Yes."

"And, that anger hasn't really gone away. It's just been sort of pushed aside by the other stuff that's been at the forefront of things for you recently," Booth said.

Again, I reluctantly nodded.

"I… I wish… I wish I could have the opportunity to walk right up to him, call him on it, you know? I think I know what I would tell him, if I could. I want to yell and scream and hurt him with the truth just as much as he's hurt me. But, most of all, I wish I could have the chance to inform him that he was inaccurate and incorrect when he informed Hannah that I told him I 'loved him'. You know, I never said those words. I *never* did," I said.

Nodding his head, Booth said, "Sure, I do. You're too smart to not leave yourself some wiggle room there, Bones."

"Culpable deniability," I admitted. "I would *NEVER* have told him I loved him, using those exact words. I never did, and I wouldn't have... unless he said it first. But, that's not exactly what he said to Hannah. Daisy told me."

"And, on top of all of that... he never even said it to you himself, in that exact way, did he?" Booth asked simply.

"No, he never did," I agreed.

And, maybe that should have told me that my anger, the amount of anger I was still holding on to, perhaps, that amount of anger should have been a clue to me that I was not as far advanced as I was with making my peace with the past and letting it go as I thought I had been. But. it wasn't… and I didn't… and then things went from kinda bad to definitely worse.

Brennan was standing on the lab platform with Daisy Wick and Hodgins going over the recently retrieved remains. No flesh remained so Cam was in her office working on other matters and leaving the bones to the bones people.

"Where's a good place for me to take some scrapping of the bone for mass-spec samples, Dr. B.?" Hodgins asked.

Absentmindedly, Brennan pointed to the left hand. "Anywhere in the vicinity of the phalanges and metacarpals on that hand is fine."

Looking down, Daisy squinted as she said, "I wonder if the grooving on the ring finger was because she was married for a long time, and so, wore the ring over a prolonged period of time?"

Brennan's eyes moved to the hand, and then back to her intern. "It is a possibility."

"You know," Daisy began to chatter. "You really have to be careful about what types of rings that you decide to wear when you get married. I mean, Lance has this beautiful ring that was his grandmother's…."

"I am aware, Ms. Wick, as I recall the occasion on which you were forced to swallow it lest it be stolen by the guerrillas in Maluku," Brennan remarked, still looking down at the bones.

"Of course, if and when Lancelot and I get married, I don't think he wants me to wear that ring. He says it has too much bad karma attached to it, and I kind of agree… so when he told me what he and Agent Booth had seen at the jewelry store, we talked about what kind of ring I might want if Lancelot did decide to buy me a new one," Daisy rambled on.

Hodgins was the first to look up and see Brennan. She had stopped what she was doing, mid-action, but her face was very controlled as she said in an even tone, "Out of curiosity, Ms. Wick, what was Sweets doing in a jewelry store looking at engagement rings if he didn't purchase one for you given his opportunity to do so?"

Daisy looked up at her mentor and idol, and said happily, "Oh, just doing research, I think, Dr. Brennan. Lancelot wanted to get enough information to make an informed decision."

"Ahh—" Brennan said, looking down with a slight nod.

"Of course, it wasn't strictly a fact finding mission since Agent Booth bought this huge diamond for his girlfriend," Daisy gossiped. She looked at Hodgins and continued, "Lancelot said it was bordering on gaudy, just between us."

Hodgins, however, was not looking at Daisy. Instead, he was looking at Brennan. "Dr. B?"

Brennan, however, was looking at Daisy. "Booth bought a diamond?"

Hodgins immediately knew something was wrong… bad wrong. It was the first time in months he had heard Brennan refer to Booth by name. However, as was normally the case, Daisy was oblivious.

Nodding, she responded, "Yes. Like I said, quite huge… tacky almost. Not tasteful at all. Lancelot said Agent Booth was going to propose to his girlfriend soon… before Valentine's Day, so it wouldn't seem trite, but I honestly don't know how you can be worried about being trite by proposing on a romantic holiday like Valentine's Day when you're buying that tacky a ring to do the deed with anyway."

Brennan gave a sharp nod and then looked back at the Bones. "Thank you, Ms. Wick. You have been very… informative."

About two and a half hours later, Angela walked into Brennan's office. As soon as he could as unobtrusively as possible make his way off the platform and to Angela's office, he had spilled his guts to Angela. Giving her friend a bit of time to gather her thoughts, and the space in which to do it, Angela at last waddled into Brennan's office and looked at her… with surprise evident on her face.

"Sweetie?"

"Yes, Angela?" Brennan said, stopping as she buzzed around her office.

"Are you pacing?"

"No," came the immediate response.

"Then why do you keep running around in circles like a hamster on a wheel?" Angela asked.

Brennan jerked to a sudden stop, and then said, "I-I… I'm endeavoring to gather what belongings I need before my departure from the lab this evening."

Angela glanced at the clock, saw it was just a little after six, and nodded as she said carefully, "You're leaving for the day?"

"Shortly, yes," Brennan confirmed. "Why?"

"I, umm, I thought you might be working late tonight," Angela said.

"Why?" Brennan said. "Did Hodgins inform you of the news that Ms. Wick shared about Sweets' recent visit to a jewelry store?"

"Yes," Angela said, again surprised that Brennan was being as forthright about the topic as she seemed to be. Denials, tears, shouts of anger… all of those things were things for which Angela had been prepared. But this… this hyper rational and open Brennan acting at hyper speed? It was throwing her for a loop.

"Ahh," Brennan responded. "Then you are here because you think I might be emotionally traumatized by the news of… the impending engagement?"

Both of them knew she wasn't talking about Sweets and Daisy.

Angela nodded. "Yeah, Bren, I am."

"Don't worry, Ange, I'm fine," Brennan said with a small smile. "As a matter a fact, you should be proud of me because I'm finally taking your advice."

"And which piece of advice was that again?" Angela asked warily.

Smiling Brennan said, "I'm leaving work early to go out for happy hour."

"With who?" Angela asked, unaware of anyone in the lab having plans for tonight.

At this, Brennan smiled as she said, "I'm not sure yet, Ange, but once I do, I'll let you know, okay?"

A couple of minutes later, I hastily said my goodbyes to Angela, and made good on my word. It was happy hour, and I was leaving work early, and I planned on imbibing a *tremendous* amount of alcohol. And, so, that's exactly what I did.

-TBC-