A/N I am amazed by all the hits I've gotten and it's only been two days! Thank you so much to everyone who has checked out my story and is reading it! I honestly haven't decided how often I'm going to update, so for now I'll just go with the flow of writing. My goal is to update at least once a day though. Please help me stay motivated by sending your reviews! They are all read, responded to, and definitely appreciated, good or bad!

Esme heard the story from Charlie about what happened to Bella, but she wanted to hear it first hand straight from the source. She knew that asking questions about the accident would be hard and could trigger Bella to clam up, but there was just no way around it. The only way to overcome grief was to face it head on. She thought she would ease Bella into it by first talking about her family, friends, and life in Arizona.

"So Bella, Charlie tells me that you just moved here from Arizona. How long did you live there?"

"My mom moved there with me when I was one, so pretty much my whole life. It's the only home I've ever known." Bella wasn't overtly rude, but she did seem to be taken aback by the question. Perhaps she thought that Esme was just going to get to the brunt of the matter.

Esme smiled; satisfied that she at least got some sort of response before continuing on with her line of questioning. " Is it true that it reaches over 100 degrees every day in the summer? I can't imagine living in a place like that!"

Again, this question threw Bella off and she was beginning to like going to therapy. If it was gonna be this easy, she would stop complaining about it. This felt just like talking to a friend. "Yeah, it would get really hot but it was a different kind of heat than up here. It was a dry heat, so it never felt as hot as it actually was. I hate it here already. I got out of the shower this afternoon and tried like five different times to dry off. For some reason, I just could seem to do it and trying to slide these jeans on while you're wet is a total pain in the ass. Oh sorry, I didn't mean to sound so rude." Esme smiled and made a little flicking motion with her wrist, signaling that it was okay for Bella to continue.

"Yeah, so it averages somewhere around 113 to 115 degrees from around the end of May into September. It's so hot during the day that even when the sun goes down it's still sweltering. The lows are always in the mid 80s to low 90s. It's cool though because you can actually go swimming in a non-heated pool starting in late March to early April. I know you can't tell because of my nice pasty complexion, but I used to hang out by the pool every day for like three or four hours; at least during the summer."

Esme shifted in her chair, which caught Bella's eye. She was now leaning forward, one elbow positioned on her knee, with her cheek resting in the palm of her hand. She truly seemed interested in hearing what Bella had to say and that helped Bella take that last big step into opening up.

"Wow, every day for hours? You couldn't have been by yourself the whole time. Were you hanging out with friends?" Esme continued to steer the conversation towards the topic that she was here to discuss.

"Well most of the time I was by myself. It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I've never exactly been a social butterfly. I never fit in with any of the cliques. I was my own person and I was perfectly content with that. I was smart and in advanced classes, but I wasn't overeager to pursue college prep classes, so I didn't fit in with the geeks. I liked sports but only enjoyed them when I was playing for fun, not for competition, so I didn't fit in with the athletes. I was never a stoner or goth girl so those groups were out; and it terrifies me to think of me in a short cheerleading skirt so being in with the jocks was definitely out! My only real friend for the last 16 years has been my mother… er… was my mother." By this time, the tears that she was trying so hard to hide were slowly leaking out from between her closed eyelids. Esme knew that this would be hard to talk about for Bella but she continued to press on.

"Can you tell me about her Bella? She seems like she was an amazing person. She would have to be to raise a smart, beautiful young woman like yourself."

"I don't really know what to say. Yes, mom was amazing. She was always so charismatic and outgoing with everyone and she always had a smile on her face. It didn't matter if she was having the worst day of her life, I'll be damned if she would show it to anyone. She was not only my mother but also my best friend. I know kids probably say that all the time but for me, it was true."

By this time, the tears were running freely down her cheeks. Esme even caught herself reaching up to wipe away a tear or two that threatened to escape. She didn't know why, but for some reason, she felt a kinship with this young lady that she'd never felt before.

"Bella, can you tell me about the day of the accident?" Seeing Bella start to fidget, she quickly added, "Take your time honey. It's okay."

Bella sank back into the couch and drew in a deep calming breath. She knew this was why Charlie wanted her to come talk to Esme so badly, but it was still the hardest thing she'd ever done. She didn't want to remember it, but it was something she would never be able to forget, even if she were to live for a million years.

"We were at Arizona Mills. It's an outlet mall a few miles from our house. We had just been wandering the one-mile circuit, wandering in and out of stores, picking up a thing here and there. We decided to call it a day around 3 o'clock and headed out to the car. That's when we noticed that the sky was starting to darken. Mom hates to drive in any type of weather but sunshine, so she handed me her keys." Bella was crying harder by this point but Esme knew they had to keep talking about it. She could see so clearly how much this was tearing Bella apart from the inside out and wanted nothing more than to help ease her pain.

"I should have suggested what was on my mind. If I had just insisted we go back in and wait out the storm, she would still be here. I saw the blackening sky and knew it was worse that we'd had here in a long time. I saw it and yet I said nothing; I ignored the tightening in my stomach and got behind the wheel." Esme reached for the box of Kleenex on her desk and silently passed them to Bella, giving her a few moments to gather her thoughts. As Bella grabbed a few of the tissues, she took another deep breath and continued.

"At first the storm wasn't too bad. Sure, the rain was coming down in sheets and buckets and the wind was blowing hard enough to whisk away a small animal, but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before when I was driving. We were less than two miles from home when the sky opened up and started spitting bits of ice mixed in with the rain. It's the middle of fucking July and it's hailing for god's sake! Actually hailing! Visibility was cut down to only about 10 feet at this point and I was silently grateful that we were so close to home." Bella dropped a wad of wet tissue onto the couch beside her and then swiftly pulled her knees up to her chest, holding on to them for dear life. Bella's heart had been ripped to pieces when Charlie delivered the news of her mother and she found herself in this position more often than not lately trying to pull it back together. The tighter she squeezed though, the harder she cried and the worse her heart ached for her mother.

"It's okay Bella. I know it hurts to talk about it, but I need you to try." Esme gently rose from her chair to sit beside Bella, gently draping her arm around Bella's trembling shoulder.

"We were at a red light at 48th Street and Broadway. It was only about a half mile from our house and I sighed in relief that we would soon be out of this wretched storm." Behind closed eyes, Bella saw the scene unfold again; just as she'd seen in her dreams every night since the accident. Her mother was completely at ease as they were laughing and smiling at a raunchy joke she had just shared. Bella couldn't even remember the damn punch line now, but then again, it all seemed terribly trivial now. Reliving it was all too real and Bella felt herself shudder uncontrollably.

"The light turned green and I started accelerating slowly, careful to maintain control of the car in the continually worsening weather. I remember I was about halfway through the intersection when I glanced at my mom quickly, only I couldn't see her at first. All I saw were a pair of bright white lights coming right for us. I don't know whether it was the look I must have had on my face or the lights reflecting off of it, but when my mom's face finally came into focus, it was twisted with a look of utter horror, like she knew what was coming and that she couldn't do anything about it." Rocking back and forth now, still clutching her knees tightly Bella stopped talking completely.

Esme sat quietly next to her knowing that Bella had to finish the story at her own pace. She glanced over her shoulder, shocked to see that it had already been an hour and a half. When Charlie called her yesterday, she understood that this initial session would play a key part in allowing Bella the opportunity to heal and therefore should not be rushed, so Esme scheduled it after her final appointment of the day.

A few more minutes passed before Bella seemed to have pulled herself together slightly and began speaking again. This time, Esme detected anger mixed in with all the hurt and confusion.

"The thing that pisses me off the most is that it should have been me! The only time Mom would ever let me drive when we were together would be when the weather was bad. I should have been the one in the passenger seat where I always sat. If only Mom would have been driving… if only the damn weather would have held out for 10 more minutes… if I would have just listened to that feeling in the pit of my stomach and suggested we wait out the storm instead of trying to beat it… Mom would still be here. She didn't deserve what happened to her. She shouldn't be dead right now, I should and I know it! It makes me sick even thinking about it."

Yes, the anger was definitely the prevalent emotion now and that was never a good thing. In a tragedy like this there was always sadness and remorse. Those could be easily overcome with the right words. Guilt on the other hand was much more difficult. Knowing that Bella blamed herself for everything was so hard on Esme. She hated seeing people in pain, especially when she could see how special they were, as with Bella. She didn't know it was about this girl that pulled at her heartstrings, but she knew that she was going to see this one through completely, no matter how long it took. It wouldn't be easy, of that she was certain, but she just couldn't shake the feeling that helping Bella Swan would be a life-changing event for her that she couldn't turn away from.

…..

After two hours with Esme, Bella was starting to feel a little better. She had managed to really open up to the kind doctor and tell her things that she had been feeling and thinking. She also told her about the nightmares that had been plaguing her dreams since the accident… her mother's face that seemed to be ingrained on her brain… the image of that look of stark horror.

Esme had explained that she was reluctant to prescribe Bella a sleep aid because she was still a minor, but suggested that she take Benadryl thirty minutes before lying down. She felt that they should try that before resorting to a more harsh medication. Her next appoint to see Esme was in two days and she was supposed to report back on the night mare situation and whether or not they had eased.

As Bella thought back on Esme's parting words about not being to blame for her mothers' death, she realized that she was started to release some of the guilt she'd been holding on to. That sudden thought terrified her to the point of shaking again. If she stopped holding on to her guilt, if she accepted the fact that the accident was not her fault, then wouldn't that mean that she would also be forgetting her mother? She decided right then and there that she couldn't do that, no matter what Esme said. The accident was her fault, even if inadvertently. She made a vow to herself, to her dead mother, and to whatever cruel god was up in the sky, that she would never forget her guilt and therefore she wouldn't forget her mother. As she walked out to where Charlie was waiting in the cruiser, she began to formulate a plan.

A/N Ok that was a difficult chapter to write! LOL I wanted to let you know that I have a very busy weekend coming up so I'm not sure if I'll be able to post every day like I want. I'll do my best, but at this point I just don't know. There will definitely be a post tomorrow, but I'm not sure about Saturday or Sunday… We'll see! Thanks for reading!