A/N Thank you again for everyone who is reading. Just a reminder… I'm not sure I'll have time this weekend to post again, but I'll do my best. Your reviews will definitely keep me motivated though, so if you want it sooner please review! (Yes, I know I'm slightly evil!) Anyway… enjoy and update again soon!

Chapter 4 The Game Plan

Bella walked out of Esme Cullen's office deep in thought. Yes, she understood why people kept telling her that the accident wasn't her fault. She could see their point and knew that they only meant to help her, but she felt like they were trying to let her off scot-free for the death of her mother. There was no way she would allow that.

She knew that in technical terms she was not to blame for the accident. Charlie had explained to her that the driver of the semi admitted that he had dropped his cell phone and looked down for a minute. He never even saw that the light was red before he slammed into them. He received the citation from the police for being at fault for the accident and easily accepted full responsibility, but that didn't make Bella any less responsible, at least in her own eyes.

All evening long she kept replaying the decisions she'd made in her head that could have changed the outcome of that fateful day. The first and most important was when she took the keys from her mom. It seemed like such an innocent act at the time, but now she regretted it more than any other thing she'd ever done. If she hadn't have taken the keys, Renee would have insisted they go back into the mall and waited out the storm. She loathed driving in any weather other than sunshine. She wouldn't even drive if the streets were still wet from a light shower the night before. If Bella hadn't have taken the keys, things would have definitely turned out different. They wouldn't even have been in the car at the time, let alone the intersection where the semi ran the red light.

The next decision that she replayed was at the mall food court. She had been craving Chinese food and insisted waiting in the longest line in the mall just to satisfy that craving. Renee had been okay with just grabbing McDonald's or Subway and getting right back to shopping, but no… Bella needed her moo-shoo pork. If she had said okay to a burger or sub then they wouldn't have taken nearly as long to get their food and eat. In turn, they would have left the mall 20 minutes earlier and again, avoided the accident completely.

The biggest thing she regretted that day, though, happened when she woke up. The day was absolutely beautiful; it was sunny and bright and the sky was clear blue. She decided that she wanted to go to the mall to grab a new bikini for the pool this afternoon. When she brought up the idea with her mom, Renee was super excited and insisted on going with her. She never turned down a trip to the mall. Maybe if Bella hadn't wanted to go to the mall in the first place they would have just stayed in that day and watched movies or something. If they would have just stayed home…

There were so many little things that could have made a huge difference in that day; all of those "what if" scenarios. Every single thing she did, every single second played into exactly where they were when the accident happened. Yes, she understood that she was not specifically to blame for the traffic accident, but she couldn't help but feel that she could have prevented it by changing the things she had done earlier in the day. Even if one of the decisions she made had been different, Renee would still be here. She would still be alive and Bella wouldn't be beating herself up over the whole situation.

Her choice was made. She knew that she couldn't forget about the fact that it was her decisions that played into Renee's death. If she did, she would be dishonoring her memory. Renee could no longer enjoy her life. She could no longer live like the carefree, fun-loving person she had always been. She could no longer share her beautiful smile with the world. All of this fell on Bella, allowing her to decide that if her mother couldn't ever be happy again then she didn't deserve to be happy again either.

…..

Charlie had thought sending Bella to see Esme Cullen would be a good idea. He knew Esme would be able to get her to open up and talk about what happened; she was great at her job, no matter who the patient was. Looking at Bella now as she walked out to the cruiser, he began to second-guess his decision. Something in her eyes showed that she was deep in thought and that scared him.

He would never tell her this, but she looked like crap. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy as if she'd been crying. Her make-up was dripping down her face, following the path that he assumed her tears had taken. Her nose was bright red and shiny, and her cheeks flushed. Still, somehow all he saw was the contemplative look in her eyes. She was up to something, that much was obvious; the only question was what.

He knew it had been a long day for both of them with all the traveling today. Hell, it had been a long week; the accident, the hospital, the funeral and the move, all playing a part to exhaust them both. The best thing now, he decided, was to take Bella home, make sure she was settled into her new room, and then get some much needed rest.

He had taken the week off of work to go to Phoenix. He wasn't sure how long it would take to get all the arrangements made, so he took the following weekend off as well. It would be nice not having to leave Bella tomorrow or Sunday alone in the house to brood. That would definitely not be a good way to help her get over her self-imposed guilt. Thank you Esme, he thought as he pulled into the drive. If it weren't for her advice, he would have probably gone fishing or something just to get out of the depressing atmosphere that surrounded her daughter this last week, and with the look in her eyes right now, he had a feeling that would definitely not help the matter at hand.

…..

Bella mechanically got dressed for bed in her ratty t-shirt and cut off sweats. She wandered to the single bathroom, brushed her teeth, and then ran a brush through her hair. She knew that she didn't want to ever feel happy again; doing so would mean she was forgetting what she had done to Renee. The plan she had been working on for the entire drive home, involved ways to make sure she remained miserable – she just didn't know where to start or what to do.

Looking in the mirror, she got her first idea. Bella had beautiful brown hair with subtle red highlights you could only see in the sun. It was long, falling in waves down to her middle back. Her mom would spend at least 30 minutes every night brushing it before Bella went to sleep. She said it would help bring her good dreams.

Bella quietly snuck down the stairs, not sure where Charlie was or if he was still awake. He's got to have a pair of fucking scissors somewhere in this damn place, she thought to herself as she started rifling through the drawers in the kitchen. She didn't want to ask him for fear he would see her plan and stop her before she could follow through.

Finally, she remembered seeing a small desk by the garage door and thought that would probably be her best bet at finding what she needed. She snuck into the hallway and quietly pulled open the single draw. B-I-N-G-O! There was a pair of blue handled scissors that looked sharp enough. She quickly grabbed them, sliding them point up into the back pocket of her jeans and pulling the bottom of her shirt over them to keep them covered.

She made her way back up the stairs and was about to make the necessary left to enter the bathroom when she heard what sounded like a small chainsaw. On the far right of the stairs, there was a door that was cracked open about 6 inches. She tiptoed up to it and peeked in to see Charlie lying in bed, sprawled out on his stomach as he snored.

Her heart seemed to break into even more pieces, with a shard shattering her lungs. She felt her breath hitch and her stomach tied itself in knots. As she watched him, her resolve began to falter. The plan was to make sure she couldn't be happy again, but she hadn't even taken into account that her actions would hurt Charlie as well. Even though she didn't really know him, she felt a bond with him that she had been missing her whole life. Was that bond, that kinship, something she could give up so easily?

She thought about it for another minute and then decided. Yes, she could give it up and risk the relationship. After all, Charlie had been absent from her life for 16 years. He said he couldn't stop Renee from leaving, and that might have been true, but what stopped him from coming to see Bella all those years? How many birthday's and Christmases did he miss? How many dance recitals or school plays? Ok, that last one was a stretch and she knew it – she dropped out of ballet when she was 9 and hated drama – but still. He didn't seem like he wanted to make an effort then so why should she now.

Having made her decision, she turned from Charlie's room and went back to the bathroom closing and locking the door behind her. She grabbed her hair in her left had, the scissors in her right, and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. After taking a deep breath, she chopped most of her hair off in one big chunk. It had to have been at least 10 inches, but she didn't care. She would no longer remember the joy of having Renee brush it at bedtime or the smile that would pull at her lips with every stroke. She didn't want to remember; she didn't want to ever smile again. This was how she would remember Renee – through heartache and pain. It was only fair.

She didn't care if the ends were even so she didn't even try. The point was for it to look like crap anyway. She knew it would only take a few months to grow back, but at least it was gone for now. When she was done, she removed the evidence of her impromptu haircut then snuck back down stairs, put the scissors away, and went to bed. She had successfully put into the action the first part of her plan. Next up would be her nightmares and instead of not wanting to go to sleep because she knew they would be coming, she hugged her pillow tightly and let the tears fall freely down her face. She knew it wouldn't take long before sleep claimed her.

…..

Charlie woke up on Saturday morning feeling more refreshed than he had all week. He had rolled over, saw that it was seven o'clock and decided to get up and make breakfast. As he left his room to head downstairs, he noticed Bella's bedroom door was still closed. Whether that meant she was asleep or not, he didn't know, but he wasn't going to knock to find out just yet.

He went into the kitchen, grabbed two frying pans from the cupboard, and then went to the fridge. From there, he pulled out a carton of eggs and a package of bacon. On his way back to the stove, he grabbed a potato and the grater. Once he was back at the stove, he turned on the front burner and started to fry up a few pieces of bacon. While the bacon was cooking, he grated the potato for hash browns. When the bacon was done, Charlie used the grease to cook his hash browns in. He didn't know why, but it always made their flavor so much better.

When the hash browns were just about done, Charlie scrambled up some about six eggs, added a splash of milk, and some salt, poured a bit of oil into the second frying pan, and then turned the burner on, setting it to low heat to cook the eggs. Satisfied to leave the eggs unattended for a minute, he grabbed the loaf of bread and pulled out two slices, which he popped in the toaster. Normally, he would only cook for himself. Today, however, he made enough for Bella too.

When everything was finished, he dished it up onto two plates, set the plates on his shabby kitchen table with the orange juice and stepped back. Smiling to himself, he went upstairs to knock on Bella's door.

…..

Bella had been up for a few hours. She hadn't been sleeping well since the accident, and even though you'd expect her to finally be exhausted enough to really crash, peaceful sleep still evaded her. Instead of getting up and going down stairs, however, she remained in bed with her door closed. She was a little fearful of what Charlie would say or do about her haircut.

Just after seven, she heard him get up and head downstairs. She hoped he would leave for the day to do god only know what, but as luck would have it he didn't. She knew because she kept sneaking up to her window to check if his car was still there or not.

Great, a day with Charlie it seems, she thought sarcastically to herself. She really wasn't in the mood for company, even if she hadn't seen him for 16 years. Unfortunately, he didn't seem to share her feelings, because not ten minutes later, there was a soft knock on her door. When she just ignored it, he knocked a little harder.

"Bella, honey, its time for breakfast!" His voice was muffled a bit by the door, but you could tell he wasn't going to let this go. He wanted Bella to join him for breakfast.

Bella begrudgingly crawled out of bed, slipped into her slippers and went to answer the door. Before she opened it, she took a deep breath, just to prepare for the shit-storm she was expecting.

Yep, this is gonna be good, she thought as she finally opened the door.