A/N Try to imagine them all as antro's.
As dawn breaks on the savannah a mighty lion stands on the precipice of a monolithic rock formation looking out at the vast lands that are his kingdom. The nocturnal insects and birds that are still making noise in the background are instantly silenced by the lions powerful and awe-inspiring roar. For several seconds there is silence until...
Nants ingonyaama bagithi Baba!
Sith uhm ingonyaama!
Token is obviously the one singing the opening because he's black.
As that black kid keeps singing more and more animals make their way toward Pride Rock, a famous landmark which is home to the resident pride of lions who happen to be the royal family.
From the day we arrive on the planet
and blinking step in to the sun
There is more to be seen
than can ever be seen
More to do then can ever be done
In the circle of life!
Kevin ( who is taking the place of Mufasa ) smiles as he hands baby Simba ( Stan ) to Rafreaky ( Mr Mackey ) *clears throat* sorry I meant to say Rafiki *mutters* damn toucan must've been tryin to change the script again. Mr Mackey takes the lion cub and walks to the edge of Pride Rock, many different animals take a step forward in anticipation however...
"Now I can't do this because dangling children off of sixty foot tall cliffs is bad, m' kay." After hearing this everyone turns to stare at a certain celebrity who currently lacks a nose.
"Now other things that are bad include drugs m'kay. You shouldn't do drugs, sell drugs or even look at drugs because their baaaad, m'kay." preaches the shaman "And that goes for alcohol and cigarettes too, m'kay. A lot of posers gather at supermarkets and walls and start passing a bottle around, m'kay, those people are posers, m'kay."
A number of animals start to get annoyed and roll their eyes or leave. Several animals suddenly pick up rocks and squirrels which they start to throw at Mr Mackey however none the objects all miss and land on Pip instead.
"And another thing thats bad m'kay is that film After Earth! I went to see that because the trailer looked good but that was a fucking piece of shit!" ranted Mr Mackey.
A few seconds later Zazu ( being played by Craig ) calmly walked over to the pride's shaman before taking baby Stan from him, after putting the baby down Craig proceeded to take a few steps back before running towards Mr Mackey, pushing the monkey over the edge of the cliff. Craig then proceeded peer over the edge to flip Mr Mackey off, followed by Kevin and then Stan. Finally the African music resumed as Craig picked up the baby and held him up for all to see.
Its the circle of liiiife!
And it moves us all!
Through despair and hope!
Craig noticed a few animals staring at him before whispering to each other. He immediately retaliated by letting go off Stan with one hand and flipping the animals off.
Through faith and looove!
Till we find find our place!
On the path unwinding!
Suddenly the cynical hornbill noticed a certain noseless celebrity trying to mimic him by holding a struggling Blanket up towards the sky.
"Look Blanket your an airplane! Weeeeee!"
Craig frowned before switching hands and flipped the celebrity off.
Its the circle!
The circle of *GASP* HOLY SHIT!
Craig had unfortunately been so busy flipping people off that his grip had considerably loosened on the lion cub and now the kitten was plummeting towards the ground at a rapid pace. fortunately the cub landed on his feet like all cats do.
Craig uncaringly flipped a very pissed Kevin off before saying "Seriously there's a reason why less than half of your species reaches the age of two years old."
Several months later and Stan had grown into an adventurous cub with a passion for exploring. His best friend and future wife and cousin was also with him she was just like him only with less of an ego and more of a brain. They had currently tricked their babysitter, Craig the giant negative Nancy, and had sang a musical number of epic proportions which resulted in the carnivorous bird being sat on by Mister Slave *shudder*. Nuff. Said.
"Ha! I knew we could do it! I am a genius!" smirked Stan.
"Hey genius it was my idea! I suggested it weeks ago but you said it was stupid and didn't bring it up again until today!" snapped Wendy.
"Well it was your idea" Stan admitted rather reluctantly "but I pulled it off!"
"Hey don't be trying to take credit for my-Oh my God is that Brian Boitano?"
"Where!?"
As soon as her BFF's head was turned Wendy pounced and attempted to pin the smaller male underneath her. The duo ended up rolling right off a cliff and right into a crater filled with a thick fog.
"Ha! Pinned ya!" bragged Wendy cockily.
A few seconds later a geyser erupted beside them causing the cubs to jump in fright. As their eyes grow accustomed to the darkness they realize that they are surrounded by the long dead bodies of elephants. The duo makes their way up a steep incline towards a particularly large elephant skull, they both peer over one of the tusks and overlook the bleary landscape.
"Woah...y'know we could get in a lot of trouble." said Wendy with a smirk.
"Yeah isn't it great!" Stan agreed enthusiastically.
Both carnivores are turn their attention to the ominous skull.
"I wonder if its brains are still in their?" asks Wendy with genuine curiosity.
"Lets go check it out!"
Stan only takes one step forward before a blue feathered negative Nancy jumps in front of him.
"Wrong!" snaps Craig "The only checking out you will do will be checking out of here!"
"Ppft! Hey Wendy, look, the annoying reject who gets shipped with a spastic blonde is scared." laughed Stan.
"Thats mister gets-shipped-with-a-spastic-blonde to you hairball and right now we are all in very real danger!"
"Ha! Danger I walk on the wild side! I LAUGH in the face of danger!" Stan stood right in front of the skull before bursting into cocky laughter "Bwahahaha!"
Then much everyone's horror more laughter comes from within the skull. Stan being the fearless king that he is immediately cowers behind his soon to be wife and .
Three scruffy looking anthropomorphic canines came out of the skull chuckling menacingly.
"Well, well, well" says Karen Mc Cormick with a menacing grin "What do we have here? Looks ta me like Rowan Atkinson and his two young friends took a wrong turn, should we help'm out?"
Her elder brother Kevin Mc Cormick chuckled before slurring "Help'em? Lets prosecute em for tresspassin! Whaddaya say brother?"
The middle childs words are muffled through his hood "Mmphmpmmppff!"
The three burst into cackles and surround their foes.
"Hey he flipped me off!" accused Kevin.
"No I didn't." says Craig before flipping the canine of again.
"Don't worry Wendy I know who to deal with these thugs." said Stan before clearing his throat "Hola. Me llamo Stan. Me friend. Me amigo! Si homes dawg?"
"What are you doing?" asks Karen with a raised eyebrow.
"Hhhm. Apparently they don't speak Spanish." said Stan to his friend and baby-sitter while completely ignoreing the hyenas "Ok lets try again. Click click fucking Justin Bieber click!"
"What is he on about?" asked a seriously confused Karen.
"Mmmphfpffnm!" replied Kenny.
"Stan why did you try speaking Ethiopian to them?" asked Wendy.
"I thought the hyenas were supposed to represent minorities."
"!"
"Mmpfh!"
"..."
"...Sooo shouldn't you guys be cleaning hotel rooms or scrubbing toilets or something?" asked Stan.
Several seconds later...
"AAAAHHHHH!"
Stan and Wendy ran through the graveyard with the three pissed poor people running after them. Craig made the mistake of turning around to flip the trio off only to be snatched out of the air and stuck in a bubbling geyser that erupted moments later sending the poor avian blasting off into the sky and towards the Pridelands. After several more tiring minutes of running and a climb of a steep mountain made entirely of bones Stan and Wendy found themselves corned in a dark crevice.
"Stand back! I took karate lessons!"
Karen snorted "Oh yeah I'm sooo scared! Not!"
"Were not scared ha!" slurred Kevin.
"Quiet you!" snapped Karen giving her brother a slap upside the head.
"STOP! I didn't want to have to do this" Stan takes a deep breath "but if you don't let us go I will have no other option but to use the force to strangle you."
The hyenas burst out laughing as Stan closes his eyes makes all sorts of weird hand gestures.
Peeeewww!
"AAAH-!" THUD.
"Oh my God they killed Kenny!"
"Bastard!"
Seconds later Kevin Stoley ran in with a light saber in hand and he swiftly dealt with the problem. Meanwhile somewhere, someplace a morbidly obese child was rolling his eyes and muttering the words "Goddammit Kevin!". Within seconds the two remaining poor people were held at saber-point as Kevin threatend them.
"Woah wait! Chillax Vader! Don't be a hater!" said Karen hastily, Kevin Mc Cormick tried to repeat their words but they came out as slurred whispers.
"If you ever come near my son again...!"
"Oh, oh this is your son! We had no idea! I mean if we had known we would've left him be cause no one messes with you!...Right Kev?"
"Der...but I thought we were supposed to kill'im an-Urf!" Karen had elbowed her idiot brother but it was to late.
"ARGH! YOU SCUM!" before Kevin could do harm to them the poor people screamed and ran away fast as lightning.
"Come...lets go home." said Kevin in a dangerously calm voice.
"Dad I-"
"We'll discuss it when we get back!" snapped Kevin.
An hour later and all three of the Mc Cormicks were licking their wounds. Kenny was in a particularly bad mood...but then he had had his head chopped off and that tends to make people a little grumpy.
"Mmphmphmm! Mmmppm!"
"Der, haha ha." chuckled Kevin.
"MHM! Mmamhammpf!"
"*snicker* hahaHa!"
"MMPFPM! Mmmmppffm!" snapped Kenny before lunging at his older brother.
The two scrambled around on the ground exchanging blows much to their sisters disgust.
"WILL you to KNOCK it off! Your givin me a migraine...jeez...no wonder were danglin at the bottom a'tha food chain!" she snapped whilst reflecting on how they had gone from three of the most wanted criminals in Prideland history to petty scavangers who relied on their incredibly "metro" ( *scoffs* yeah right ) boss for food.
"Mmmmhm omph fmm!" pointed out Kenny.
"Yeah lions are so ugly." agreed Kevin.
"And their voices are so annoying! Its like Jar Jar Binks and Justin Bieber had a drunken one night stand and their species is the result."
This joke lead to the trio laughing and rolling around on the floor.
"Oh surely were not all that bad." said a voice from a ledge high above them.
The trio jumped before realizing it was just the kings brother Professor Chaos.
"Oh Professor K y'almost gave me a heart attack." sighed Karen.
"Yeah! We thought you were someone more important and intimidating and not to mention important." said Kevin Mc Cormick with a slightly derped expression.
"Yes, indeed." said Chaos in a tone that clearly said "I WANT TO MURDER YOU!".
"So Chaos how your day." said Karen quickly. She hoped that by changing the subject the lion would forget about their earlier failure.
"Oooh it was perfect! First I went to the spa, I sat in a hot tub, then I got a pedicure. Oh! You'll never guess what Theresa told me! The new season of Sex and the City is out in only twenty eight more days! *sqeauls* Aren't you guys excited!"
Karen nudged Kenny and muttered "If Stoley and Stan acted more like him then this movie would be renamed the Lion Queen."
"I heard that!" snapped Chaos "And don't think I haven't forgotten about your failure!"
"Hey! You were the one who told us that Stoley would be nowhere near the graveyard when the attack happened!" pointed out Karen.
"Hey I don't want any backtalk from-Oh FUDGE! I broke a nail!" whined Chaos.
"Why do we even follow you?" questioned Kevin "You don't do anything about bitch and moan."
"I'll tell you why cause I'm the brains! And I'm royalty." here was when Chaos started to sing.
I know that your powers of retention
are as wet as Honey Boo Boo's backside
But thick as you are pay attention!
My words are a matter of pride
Its clear from you vacant expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we are talking kings and successions
Even you can't be caught unawares
So prepare for the chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for SENSATIONAL news
"Ok seriously? Lets have a contest! Everytime Chaos does something gay, we drink!" Kevin burst into laughter at the brilliance of his idea only to be pushed roughly of a ledge by Chaos.
As the song continued Minorities, gingers and crab people crawled out of the shadows and amassed into a giant singing army. However at the end of the song Chaos encountered a problem that he had never dealt with before. He got stuck on a giant rock formation that had sprouted in a volcanic activity during his song.
"Waaaha ha! I wanna get down! Waaa!"
Karen sighed "Somebody get me a ladder."
"Nn meed." said Kenny who picked it up and lobbed it at the felines head. Chaos cried as he fell down to the ground.
"Oooh...my head...oh." groaned Chaos.
"Uh, Chaos on a scale of one to ten who ok are you?"
"Lululu I got some apples lululu ya got some to! Lululu lets get together" the song abruptly ended when Chaos threw up and foiled himself.
Looks like total domination was going to have to wait awhile.
Don't panic people, this is part one of a two-parter.
Hhm...I think this chapter could've used more Butters...Maybe I'll re-edit it at some point and put in one of Scar's earlier scenes.
Cast:
Simba - Stan
Nala - Wendy
Mufasa - Kevin
Zazu - Craig
Hyenas - Mc Cormicks
Scar - Butters
Rafiki - Mr Mackey
Ok the next movie will either be Jurassic Park, Ted, or Uung the last airbender...which I'll have to probably watch on Netflix because I can't remember a thing about it. Seriously! I actually saw it less than a year ago and it was just so boring that my mind has actually blanked it out!. I briefly considered doing Twilight but I just can't. I actually did post a Twilight parody on this site where Bella fell in love with Stan but the story gave me a headache and I just got so incredibly fed up with it that I made the ending really sloppy. Just thinking about it makes my head hurt so NO. TWILIGHT. CHAPTERS. Ugh... I just can't...
I also thought of doing a separate several chapter Equestria Girls parody where Kyle gets turned into an Anime-styled teenage chick and has to go to high school.