The Beauty of Darkness - EPILOGUE
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"Hey, Hoss, have you seen Adam?"
Joe Cartwright turned a corner, expecting to find his middle brother working in the barn, but the barn was empty. He entered and walked toward the stalls. It was at that moment that a sense of having been where he was before overwhelmed him. It nearly drove him to the floor.
Strong hands caught hold of him and helped him over to a bale of hay.
"Little brother, dang your ornery hide!" Hoss groused as he deposited him on it. "Pa's gonna skin you if he finds you're out of bed!"
He was tired of being in bed – he'd been in it a week longer than predicted due to the return of his fever. Besides, he didn't need to be in bed.
Really.
He just needed to catch his breath.
"I saw…." Joe sucked in air. "I saw him ride out."
Hoss' hands were on his hips and he was scowling. "So you just hopped out of bed like a bunny and came downstairs? Say, how'd you get past Hop Sing? He's been watchin' the front door like a chicken hawk."
"He went with Pa," Adam replied as he made an appearance. Older brother placed the halter he was carrying on a table before coming to their side. "You don't look so good."
Joe's usual reply was on the tip of his tongue but, considering he felt like sliding off the bale and onto the floor, he decided uttering it would only make him look stupid.
"I don't feel so good."
His brothers exchanged a worried glance over his head.
They probably thought he was dying.
Joe raised his hands. "Look, I promise I'll go back to bed like a good little boy as soon as I get some answers."
"What answers?" they asked in tandem.
He knew something was going on. Everybody had been avoiding him for the last few days. Joe turned to Adam. "For one thing, I overheard you and Pa talking in the hall last night."
"You were asleep," Adam said. "Or, at least, you were supposed to be."
Doc Martin had given him a sedative to take. He hoped the plant in his room survived its nap.
"I want to know what's up with Danny. I heard you talking about him." He hesitated. "Did Pa send him away?
Older brother scoffed. "Danny's a grown man. He makes his own choices. Whatever gave you that idea?"
"Because he didn't tell me he –" Joe drew a breath. It really wouldn't do to whine with these two. "Because Danny and I are friends. I saw him two days ago and he told me he had a new job he was looking forward to – one with a lot of responsibility. I figured Pa had made him foreman or somethin', but now he's gone."
"That's right. Danny's got himself a new job," Hoss said.
"It isn't here on the Ponderosa," older brother added. "Danny left."
"Left? What do you mean 'left'? You mean he's really gone, as in gone?" Joe fought back the desperation he felt. "Without saying goodbye?"
Hoss sat beside him and circled his shoulders with one great arm. "Little brother, it's mighty hard to say goodbye. It's makes a thing kind of, well, final-like. Danny told me he'll come back to visit, so's maybe he don't consider this goodbye."
His eyes were misty. "I still don't understand."
Adam's right eye twitched. He crossed his arms, and then cleared his throat. "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
Hoss glared at him.
Joe was on fire instantly. If there was one thing he hated, it was feeling like a little kid left out of the conversation.
"Tell me what?!"
"Well?" Adam asked, one eyebrow arcing.
"If you ain't just about the sneakiest thing…." Hoss sighed. "Now don't you go flyin' off the handle, little brother. Danny didn't want us to say anything. He thought…. Well, he thought maybe you'd be mad at him."
Joe was on his feet. "Mad at him? Mad at him for WHAT?"
"For going off with George White," Adam replied.
He looked at Hoss who looked away. And then at Adam, who shrugged. "What?"
"Tell him, Hoss."
The big man slapped his knees and stood. "You know that land I was gonna sell to George Owens, for Margie's daughter to have one day?"
He knew. The acreage was a part of the Ponderosa. "What's that got to do with anything?!"
Adam touched one ear. "Ear bigger than mouth."
Joe growled but he shut up.
"George decided that the West wasn't the best place for Jorie to grow up in," older brother explained. "He asked Pa to put the land in trust for his granddaughter to have one day…and headed back to Baltimore. He hired Danny to be their guide."
Joe's heart sunk to his toes. "You mean Lessy…Mrs. White is gone too? All the way back East?" He shook his head. "No, she wouldn't do that. Not without saying goodbye."
"She said goodbye," Adam informed him. "You were sleeping. She didn't want to wake you."
Joe plopped back onto the hay bale and dropped his head into his hands. It felt like his world was falling apart.
"I don't understand," he muttered.
A moment later a finger tapped his shoulder. He looked up to find Adam offering him an envelope. "I imagine this will explain it."
Joe knew before he caught the scent that it was from Lessy.
"Come on, Hoss," older brother said as he walked past and headed toward the back stall. "Let's see how Silver is doing." Big brother touched his head in passing. "We'll be right here, Joe, if you need us."
Joe sat looking at the note for a long time before opening it. It was hard to believe that just a month before he had been in this same spot when Danny came through the door laughing and smiling – and now his best friend was gone – to Baltimore! So much had happened in that month. Some of it still wasn't over. Once they got back to the ranch, Pa had met with Roy Coffee, and Roy and his men had gone out and rounded up what was left of both Travis Mudge and Crock Murdoch's outlaw bands. There was going to be a trial. Pa said he'd have to testify. That meant Danny would be needed too, though he supposed he could have given a deposition before he left. How could he have left?
How could Lessy?
Joe closed his eyes and breathed deep. He could hear his brothers talking in low tones behind him. That comforted him a little as he contemplated what it was that disturbed him most. Danny was a free man now. The reward had come through, so he was also pretty well set. There was nothing to tie him to the Ponderosa or the West and plenty to make him want to leave. The last time they'd talked, his friend had made it clear that he was uncomfortable living where everyone thought he was a hero when he knew he wasn't, and had even hinted he might move on one day. And really, he understood how hard it would have been for his friend to say goodbye. It would have been hard for him too.
He guessed maybe it was Lessy leaving that bothered him most. After all, women didn't think like men. They were all about who and what they were attached too. She wouldn't have been concerned if she got all tearful and gushy. She would have thought she needed too! He guessed what upset him was that he thought they'd become friends and, maybe, in time, could have become something more.
Joe fingered the envelope, and then opened it and began to read. The first few lines brought a frown. It slowly turned upside-down as he continued.
'Dearest Little Joe,
First of all, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and soul. I knew I loved you that first night we met, when you were so kind and gentle with me. While I took care of you that love deepened, but it also changed. I came to realize that I love you as a dear and cherished friend – one, who, I hope will forgive me for what I have done.
As I write this letter, Danny is sitting beside me in the coach. He was always there waiting when I returned from your room, wanting to know how you were. Sometimes with your father and brothers, and other times alone, we would sit and talk and talk. Then, one night – like the logs on the hearth behind us – something was kindled. Danny was so sad when he heard I was to go away, that I asked him to come with me. I don't know yet what sort of fire will come from that spark – perhaps it will fizzle and all will turn to ash. Or, perhaps, what we feel now will become real love.
Danny asked me to express his deepest regrets for what he calls his 'cowardice' at not saying goodbye. I assured him there was no need. Friends understand. I told him as well that we will see one another again – in this life or the next.
In closing, let me say 'thank you', Joe Cartwright, for awaking in me something that I thought had died. May God, in His mercy, do the same for you, and may you one day find happiness – forever.
Your eternal friend,
Lessy'
A hand came down on his shoulder. He thought it was Hoss, or maybe Adam, but it was his pa.
Oops.
"Hey, Pa."
"'Hey Pa' yourself." The older man shook his head. "And just what are you doing out of bed?"
"I needed some…fresh air?" Joe winced. "How come you came back?"
"I forgot my wallet." His father paused and then inclined his head toward the letter. "From Mrs. White?"
"Yeah. She's gone. So is Danny."
"I know. I'm sorry, son."
He shrugged. "It's okay. I'm…. Well, I'm glad they're together. I hope they'll be all right."
"How about you, son? Are you all right?"
Joe ran a finger over his name on the outside of the envelope. It was kind of funny. Hoss had come to peace with what happened to Margie. Adam was himself again, so he'd let go of Kane. Pa hadn't mentioned Jimmie Partridge once in the last two weeks. And him? He'd been the first one to recover. The first to face the darkness and let it work some kind of beauty in him.
Or so he thought.
He knew now it wasn't the loss of Lessy he mourned. He loved Laura and he would always love Laura, and if the truth be known, he would never let her go.
But he would move on.
"Yeah, Pa," he said as Adam and Hoss joined them. "I'm better than all right.
"I'm fine."
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END