A/N Ok... there's no BPOV in this one but it didn't seem to fit. I'm sure you'll see why when you read it. Also, I wanted to thank you all so much for reading! This story now has over 100 reviews! :) Thank you to each of you who have taken the time to share your opinions with me. It means so much to me! 3 3 Anyway, I'll let you get to reading! Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

Chapter 37 – Admissions

Edward just watched as Bella slept in his arms. It had been hours since she had taken the Ativan and fallen asleep and yet he didn't want to move her, even to set her down to relieve himself. His physical needs, as far as he was concerned, took a backseat to her and her needs.

She looked so peaceful with her head resting on his shoulder, like she didn't have a care in the world. He would enjoy this right now because he knew the moment she woke up she was going to remember what had happened. Would she freak out again? Maybe, but he really hoped not.

Right now, he would be her strength she needed to get over this. He needed her more than anything on earth, but he needed her healthy and smiling and happy; he needed her whole and would do anything to make sure she got that way.

He had never been a violent person but just thinking of what that twisted fuck had done to her room, he felt murderous. He wanted nothing more than to go find the asshole and kill him by any means necessary. The creep's threat to Bella had been absolutely clear. What he didn't realize was that there was no way in hell Edward would every let anything bad happen to her again. He loved her too much.

He wasn't even sure if they'd even ever catch the person who did it, but it didn't matter. He had his own suspicions of who had done it and he planned on confronting that person as soon as he went back to school. James.

Esme came into the den then and interrupted his thoughts. "How is she?" she questioned him. "Has she stirred at all?"

He automatically shook his head and then answered, "Same. She hasn't moved an inch. How much longer do you think she'll sleep?"

"It's hard to say," she began a little hesitantly. Edward knew she wanted to say something else but must not have been sure how to say it. Finally, she drew in a deep breath and started again. "She could easily sleep for a few more hours with the dose of Ativan I gave her, but having just woke up from sleeping all night, it probably wont be much longer."

Edward couldn't help the guilty look that flashed on his face when Esme spoke of having Bella sleep all night. When she noticed, she raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, knowingly. He should have known he wouldn't be able to keep things from his mom. Alice may have been the all-seeing one in the family, but Esme had a mother's intuition.

Edward sighed heavily and figured it would be better to talk about this now, while no one else was home, than wait until later and have to include Carlisle in the conversation. He knew that Esme would share the information with her husband, but it saved Edward from having to speak to both of them.

He took a deep breath and just went for it, knowing Esme wouldn't judge him or look at him any differently. "Mom, Bella and I are sexually active." She nodded for him to go on and so he did. "She woke me up at about midnight and we celebrated her birthday, um, for, um a few hours. I know I've told you this before, Mom, but I love Bella and by some miracle, she loves me too." He suddenly felt the need to defend his actions and was just about to start speaking again when Esme interrupted.

…..

Esme had been helplessly wandering around the house for the last few hours just tidying up the place. Finally, she thought she'd go back in and check to see how Bella and Edward were doing. It broke her heart to have to sedate Bella this morning by using Ativan, but she saw no other choice. If she would have allowed the panic attack to go untreated, there was a possibility, however a slim one, of Bella hurting herself or Edward.

Edward was still sitting in the same position with Bella sleeping in his arms as he watched her. The look on his face was one of anger and determination and she could only guess as to what he was thinking. Quietly she asked how Bella was doing and if she'd stirred at all.

She watched sadly as her son shook his head, looking completely helpless while he answered. "Same. She hasn't moved an inch. How much longer do you think she'll sleep?"

Automatically, Esme responded. "It's hard to say." She then hesitated, not sure how to proceed. It honestly all depended on Bella and how much she had been sleeping lately. She didn't want to foster any false hope with Edward but she also didn't want to hide anything from him. After taking a deep breath, she went on. "She could easily sleep for a few more hours with the dose of Ativan I gave her, but having just woke up from sleeping all night, it probably wont be much longer."

She couldn't help but notice the look on Edward's face as she talked about Bella getting a full night's sleep. He looked… guilty? Suddenly things clicked into place and Esme realized why. Wanting to hear it straight form the horse's mouth, though, she just smiled and gave him a knowing look.

She watched as he drew in a deep breath and said, "Mom, Bella and I are sexually active." Yes, her suspicions were confirmed. Most moms would have been horrified at the thought of a teenage child being sexually active, but Esme wasn't most moms. She had watched for two long years with sadness as her son ignored girls completely. Each member of the family had found their perfect match with the exception of Edward and it had always saddened her; until now. She nodded for him to continue and listened intently as he did.

"She woke me up at about midnight and we celebrated her birthday, um, for, um a few hours. I know I've told you this before, Mom, but I love Bella and by some miracle, she loves me too." He seemed to be trying to defend his actions even though there was no need, so she interrupted him.

"Son, your father and I love you very much. We realize that you're an adult now and are free to make your own decisions. We would never stand in the way of that. Honestly, I'm beyond glad that you have found a connection with Bella. For so long I watched you, waiting to see if someone would catch your eye, and for just as long, I saw that you wouldn't let yourself even see a girl.

"I know you didn't feel worthy of love after everything that happened with your parents. It was irrational, but completely understandable. Then I met Bella. She had a very similar situation to the one you had and for the first time in a long time, I felt hope. I don't know why, exactly, but I felt that maybe if I could get you to talk to her, you could help each other, maybe even become friends.

"That day I invited Bella and her father over for the barbeque, I intended to introduce the two of you. I hoped that you would let me but somehow I knew you wouldn't. Then when you saw each other for the first time I saw something there; a longing maybe, but I also saw you fighting it. My heart broke when you took off that day but I never said anything.

"I decided to just see how things went for a while. When Bella tried to commit suicide, I knew it was time to try again, so I orchestrated the meeting in the meadow. You're such a wonderful young man and I knew you'd try to help her; I only hoped that she would be able to help you too. Edward, you can't possibly imagine how happy I am that things have gone as well as they have between the two of you."

There was one more question she needed to ask him but she wasn't sure how to approach the subject. She decided just to ask it and get it over with. "I just have one question for you about everything. When you're intimate with Bella, are you being safe?"

…..

Edward felt the heat rising from his chest up to his neck and face and into his hairline at Esme's question. It was embarrassing for her to be asking him questions about his sex life, but even more embarrassing that he had to answer her.

He knew he could lie to her and tell her what she wanted to hear, but it didn't feel right. Honestly, when he was with Bella physically, protection was the farthest thing from his mind. That first night at the bed and breakfast in Port Townsend, they had both been emotionally drained from sharing their stories. Still, the physical need they felt for each other had been so tangible you could slice through it with a knife. Even if they would have had it available to them at the time, he didn't think that they would have stopped long enough to use it.

He wasn't sure how long he had been lost in his own thoughts, but Esme's throat clearing brought him back to reality. Sheepishly, he tucked his chin to his chest and shook it. He was afraid to verbalize his answer because he didn't want Esme to tell him how disappointed in him she was. Looking back now, he realized how completely irresponsible he had been, especially since he hadn't even discussed the issue with Bella. It just wasn't something he had thought about and he doubted if she had either.

"Edward, look at me." Esme spoke again but then didn't continue until he raised his head and looked at her. "It's okay honey, I'm not upset with you, I promise. It's better we have this conversation now while something can be done to fix it, than to wait and find out later that Bella's pregnant."

That statement completely startled Edward but he knew she was right. It was irresponsible of him to continue on the way he had been. He wanted to take care of Bella, and while he actually sort of liked the thought of Bella pregnant with his baby, he knew they were too young still.

He decided it was time to talk to his mother about options for protection, but he also felt that Bella should be involved in the conversation too. After all, she played as much a part in this as he did. "Look mom," he told her, "I really want to talk to you about options for protection or contraception but I think Bella needs to be awake for that conversation. I just don't feel right without her involved."

He saw that she was about to say something so he quickly continued, "Mom, there's something else you should know. I know I probably should have said something earlier, but I never found the right moment." With the way Bella was laying on his lap, her right hand was resting on her chest. Edward brought his left hand up from her waist and started idly playing with the ring on her finger. "You probably don't recognize this ring, do you?" he asked Esme.

In order to get a closer look at the ring, she came up and bent down toward Bella. After looking at the ring for a moment, she looked up at him. "Edward, that's not… that can't be your mother's ring… it is?" She looked so confused for a moment and he knew she was remembering a conversation they had almost two years ago.

He had been living with the Cullen family for about a month and he was finally unpacking the things he brought with him. When he first came, he didn't think they would want to let him stay, so he didn't waste his time. Sure, Carlisle had saved his life, but that didn't mean that he was automatically a part of the family, did it? Especially after killing his own family. He knew he was a plague and didn't deserve to ever find happiness again.

There was a soft knock on his door before he heard it opening. He glanced behind him to see Esme peek her head in the door asking if she could come in. He just shrugged and continued putting things away.

"Edward, I'm glad you finally feel able to unpack your things. It's made me so sad this past month that you felt we were just going to send you away. Our family has never been 'normal' but we were never whole either. There was always something missing, or someone. You fill that void, son. I'm so glad you're here." She tentatively sat down beside him and held her arms open.

He knew she wanted to hug him, but he had been reluctant to let her up to this point. He didn't know what it was that changed his mind, but he suddenly found himself leaning into her embrace. He wasn't ready to return her hug, but at least he allowed her to hug him.

After a moment, she released him and asked if she could help with anything. Not sure what to say, he just shrugged and continued with the box of books he was unpacking. Esme opened up one of his suitcases and started putting clothes away in a dresser they had gotten for him. He hadn't noticed that when she finished putting the clothes away, she started checking the pockets of the bag to ensure she hadn't missed anything. That's when she found a small plastic bag with some jewelry in it; jewelry that belonged once to his mother.

"Edward, what's all this?" she asked not sure why he had a bag of women's jewelry in his suitcase.

He had almost forgotten about the bag. He wasn't even really sure why he had kept it, but something had made him pack it. In the bag were two rings, a set of earrings, and a necklace. He had never even taken any of it out of the bag he got from the morgue. This was the jewelry his mother had been wearing when she died; her engagement ring, a promise ring from before her engagement, and a set of earrings and a necklace given to her by his father.

Uncomfortable, and not sure what to say, he started to shrug but knew Esme was looking for an explanation. "That's all the jewelry my mom was wearing when she died. When they released my parents' belongings to me, this bag was among the stuff. I'm not even sure why I packed it, I just did. I have no need for it so if you see something you like, feel free to help yourself. She won't be missing it any time soon."

He suddenly found himself very interested in the box he was unpacking as he felt the sting of familiar tears in his eyes. He missed his parents more than anything but what hurt the most was knowing that their loss was his fault. He hadn't noticed Esme looking at the jewelry through the bag, nor did he notice her approaching him again.

"Edward, these rings are absolutely gorgeous. Will you tell me about them?" He could tell she was really trying to make him feel comfortable in her home, but he just couldn't right then.

Being quite brusque with her he answered, "No. If you want them take them but I can't explain anything right now." He felt the tears in his eyes finally spill over and roll down his cheek and reached up absently to brush them away with the back of his hand.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you and I know I may be stepping over the line here, but I really think you should keep this jewelry. It was obviously important enough for you to bring with you, and even if you don't want it now, there may come a day when you do. Someday you may meet a beautiful young woman and fall in love and want to propose to her. Think of how much it would have meant to your parent's if you chose to give her one of these rings."

Reflexively, Edward started shaking his head. "I'm never going to fall in love. I don't deserve to after what I did. There's really no point in me keeping any of that jewelry."

Seeming to realize that there was no point in arguing, Esme got up to leave the room. He never noticed that she slipped the bag of jewelry into the bottom of his top dresser drawer. It wasn't until months later that he found it and realized what she must have done.

Edward sighed heavily. "Yes, this was my mother's ring. I couldn't see the possibility of falling in love two years ago because my grief was too fresh; too new. I realize now that you were right to tell me to keep her jewelry. I gave Bella this ring as a promise to her – a promise to love her, to take care of her, to cherish her, but most importantly, a promise that I will ask her to be my wife one day. I love her with all my heart and soul and if she'll have me, I will spend the rest of my life with her."

He had been looking at Esme while he was talking and didn't realize that Bella had woken up. Pleasantly surprised by her throwing her arms around his neck, he held her close and whispered in her ear. "I love you, my Bella. You are my life, my future, and my forever."

Her words to him made his heart swell. "I love you, too, Edward. Always."