Chapter 15
Ginny POV
Ginny sat around the crowded table in Three Broomsticks. A bunch of the seventh years had decided to go out for a round of Butterbeers on the weekend and Ginny was invited. She was expecting to hear from Hermione tonight, so she'd have to step out for a bit and rush off to a quiet area, but honestly, Ginny wasn't even sure if she was truly looking forward to hearing from the brunette.
Ginny sighed inwardly. Okay, of course she was looking forward to hearing from Hermione. It's just that Ginny felt so distant from Hermione lately. They still talked somewhat regularly, and Hermione made an effort to ask how things were going for Ginny, but the redhead just felt like Hermione's mind was always elsewhere.
"Drink up, Gin!" Colin called cheerfully from across the table.
"Why don't you order a shot of Firewhiskey," Ginny winked.
Colin looked uncertain. "Um, maybe another time." His expression became mischievous and he leaned forward conspiratorially. "If you want a glass, I think I know who could get you one." He nodded his head towards someone behind her.
Turning hesitantly, Ginny laid eyes upon a table of Hufflepuffs. She wasn't sure who she was supposed to be looking at until someone turned slightly and caught her eye with a small smile. Ginny spun back around in her chair, suddenly feeling rude for not smiling back.
"Don't tell me you're talking about Laura Madley again," Ginny said in a low voice and shooting her friend a very unimpressed look.
"I'm just teasing," Colin laughed. "I know you have Hermione. But Laura does like you, you know. It's painfully obvious."
Ginny arched an eyebrow and took a swig of her drink, choosing not to reply.
"How's Hermione been? I still can't believe she got that internship. Well, I can, but I can't, you know? That's huge."
Ginny smiled softly. "Yeah, she's pretty amazing. And she's really busy."
"I can imagine. That's a big job to do. I can only imagine what kind of resistance they'd meet. It must be hard doing the long-distance thing, too."
With a bit of effort, Ginny maintained her smile and responded, "I miss her a lot. But it's not so bad. Semester is almost half over, and I'll see her at Christmas."
"That's good, you know, I-"
Colin fell quiet as his attention, along with numerous others at the table, including Ginny's, were drawn to her mug of Butterbeer. It was now rising off the table, floating in front of her. They stared at it in puzzlement until it was suddenly thrust forward, its contents splashing out and towards Ginny. Thanks to Ginny's honed reflexes from years of quidditch, she was able to avert most of the Butterbeer projectile, but not all of it.
"Ugh," Ginny growled as she stood and examined the side of her shirt and pants that had been grazed by the drink. It wasn't a total disaster, but it pissed her off nevertheless. Her head snapped up to scan the room in an attempt to find the culprit. It only took a few seconds to spot the group of giggling Slytherins in the corner of the tavern, Astoria Greengrass among them.
Ginny had just pushed her chair out of the way and was about to storm over when Colin stood up and put a hand out to stop her.
"It's not worth it," he said as he gave her an imploring look. She stared hard at him for a moment or so until her inner debate ended with her deciding to sit down. She crossed her arms and leaned back with a frustrated sigh.
"Just ignore them, they're just trying to get a reaction out of you," Colin said. "You know that they're always..."
Colin's words faded out when Ginny felt something warm against her chest. She looked down at the ring that she knew was there, but nobody else could see was beneath her clothes. She flashed Colin an apologetic look, tossed down some money and excused herself from the table, ignoring Laura's and Astoria's eyes following her as she left the pub.
Ginny broke out into a light jog as she headed down to the wooded area, as to avoid being disturbed or seen. The parts of her clothes that were soaked in Butterbeer felt cold against her skin as the liquid was chilled by the brisk night air. Stopping a ways down the hill, she reached under her shirt and pulled the necklace out and then over her head. Setting it down on the ground she pulled out her wand and said the incantation. Hermione appeared.
The older girl appeared to be at home. She was sitting in her living room and Ginny could just see a glimpse of paperwork in front of the brunette. Even just the sight of the parchment made Ginny's irritation grow, replacing the warm, if not sad, feeling she had had towards her girlfriend just minutes before.
"Working late again?" Ginny asked, knowing the answer.
Hermione laughed dryly. "Astounding, I know."
"Work, work, work," Ginny chanted in a playful tone, though she wasn't teasing. Hermione gave her a look halfway between tired and annoyed.
"So, how's your day been?" Ginny asked, inwardly pulling back from the fight she felt tempted to start.
"Fine," Hermione responded distracted as she peered past Ginny. "Where are you?" Her gaze drifted from behind Ginny to Ginny's tainted garments and a frown developed on the brunette's face. "What happened to your clothes?"
"I'm in Hogsmeade. And don't even ask about the clothes."
"Oh," Hermione responded, looking increasingly confused and even slightly offended. "What were up to?"
"Just out with a bunch of friends," Ginny replied a little flatly.
"Oh." Hermione replied, turning contemplative. "Well, we don't have to talk. Go on, have fun. I have lots to do anyway."
The older girl's words sounded sincere and not malicious, but for some reason they set Ginny off.
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Ginny snapped. "And don't talk to me like I'm a child."
Hermione's eyes widened in surprise before she looked sharply at Ginny. "What are you talking about?" She demanded.
"Just say what you want to say, Hermione. Don't be shy," Ginny pushed. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she was flying off the handle, but tonight she felt indulgent. Everything had just been building up for too long.
"Me?" Hermione exclaimed. "You're the one who clearly has something to say," she retorted. Ginny hesitated and Hermione pounced. "Well? Come on then, let's hear it."
Ginny scoffed, breaking their eye contact briefly. "I wouldn't want to take up any more of your precious time." She refused to weaken as she saw Hermione's mouth fall open in disbelief and apparent insult.
"Is that was this is about? Me working?" Hermione challenged. Ginny just looked on at her, keeping her expression even and knowing it'd set Hermione off - and it did. "Well?" Hermione asked in a shrill voice that Ginny was sure could be heard by anyone who happened to be wandering nearby.
"Come on, Hermione," Ginny taunted as she narrowed her eyes and spoke once more before she could stop herself. "You're not stupid, so don't act like you are." She immediately regretted the words the second they left her mouth, but she was too upset to take them back. The look of fury that flashed across Hermione's face sparked more of a fight in Ginny than before and it further cemented her reluctance to apologize.
"Well I'm sorry if I can't devote every minute to you, Gin. I thought you understood that I have to make a name for myself here and that involves putting in the hours. I'm trying, Gin, honestly, but there are only so many hours in a day...," Hermione replied in a steady, deliberate manner that Ginny knew the brunette used when she was exerting great effort in controlling herself.
Ginny knew that Hermione could've reacted worse, but the girl's response just confirmed what Ginny didn't want to hear. She didn't want to hear more about work and she didn't want to hear that it meant more to Hermione than her. It was selfish, Ginny knew, but she couldn't help it - especially right now.
"You sound like Percy. And I'm not asking for every minute," Ginny replied in a tone. "And even when we do talk I know you're just dying to get back to work. You just schedule me in like a task you need to complete - 'Talk with Ginny' - check! Done."
"That's not true," Hermione protested adamantly as she shot the younger girl a nearly scornful look. "It's not like that at all!"
"Sure," Ginny said sarcastically as she eyed Hermione patronizingly. "I can see your paperwork right there," she pointed in accusation. "If we weren't having a row right now you'd be shuffling through them this very minute. Go on, I know you're just itching to get back to work."
Without warning, Hermione suddenly threw her hands forward and shoved the paper away. The sound of the numerous sheets of parchment falling to the floor rang sharply in Ginny's ears and she nearly winced.
"Fine, it's gone now. Is that what you want? You want my undivided attention? You have it," Hermione said, her voice tight. Anger flashed dangerously in her eyes behind unshed tears.
Ginny mumbled her response, still unnerved by Hermione's physical outburst. "This doesn't really count."
The older girl looked like she was about to explode in anger once more, but instead took a large breath and a moment before continuing on in a calm, if not exasperated manner. "What do you want, Gin."
To feel needed, wanted, missed, Ginny thought to herself. She couldn't bring herself to say it though, suddenly afraid of being vulnerable. She felt so ashamed for making this whole thing an issue. She hated that she didn't feel stronger. She just shook her head. A horrible need to defend herself took over.
"Is this what it's going to be like?" She asked as she narrowed her eyes at the brunette. "You just working all the time? Me just sitting on the sidelines waiting patiently for you to decide when it's 'convenient' to speak with me? Maybe you should've stuck with Mandy. She probably doesn't need much attention and she'd 'understand' your situation. Or maybe you don't need anyone at all? You're the Great Hermione Granger, after all - can't let anyone slow you down."
Hermione was about to speak when someone called Ginny's name from up on the street. Ginny turned and saw Colin and the gang. She was very thankful for the interruption and did her best to push the image of Hermione's expression out of her mind.
"What are you doing down there? Who are you with?" He called.
Ginny ignored his questions and responded, "Are you guys heading back?"
After receiving confirmation, Ginny called up one more time, "Okay, see you in a bit."
Turning back around, she came upon Hermione who sat very taut, her hands resting on her knees. She looked hard at Ginny. "Gin-"
"I'll make this easy on you and let you go," Ginny announced in a low voice. A flurry of apologies and explanations rushed through her mind, but instead, all that came out was, "Bye."
Hurriedly, Ginny tapped the ring with her wand and effectively cut off Hermione's protests. She felt absolutely wretched. She felt ashamed just putting the necklace back on. Regret over the way she acted and the things she said was already growing and tearing her up inside. She shouldn't have waited this long to confront Hermione, and she sure as Hell shouldn't have done it in such an antagonistic, hostile manner. She sighed heavily, only to have the sigh swallowed up by the tension within her throat. Despite everything though, she refused to call Hermione back and apologize. Whether this decision came from righteousness and pride, shame and hurt, or a combination of all these things, Ginny had yet to decide.
She took heavy-footed steps up the small hill to the road and had just reached the top when she felt the ring grow warm against her skin. The change made Ginny stop dead in her tracks and caused her breath to catch. She stood staring wide-eyed ahead as her heart beat stronger with every passing second that Hermione's call went unanswered. As her mind finally jolted back to life, she nearly went to grab the ring in a rush of desperation, but instead, slowly retrieved the ring. She stared down at the ring that lay in her hand and before she could let her thoughts get away from her, she shoved the ring gruffly in her pocket and began to march back to the school.
Ginny didn't bother joining up with the group as they headed back to Hogwarts, them already a ways ahead anyway. Taking her time and lost in her thoughts, Ginny walked quietly down the corridors on her way back to her dorm. She languidly got ready for bed and eventually settled in, staring blankly upward toward the ceiling. With a weary breath, she closed her eyes and turned onto her side hoping to get comfortable. A few minutes passed, but her mind wouldn't stop racing - that fleeting image of the look on Hermione's face...knowing that she had inflicted that pain just tore Ginny up. Sure, she would be the first to admit that she and Hermione had had their share of hurt and drama over the years, but since they'd been together as a couple, they'd never really fought.
Ginny involuntarily winced at the recollection of the words that so carelessly spewed out of her mouth just a short while ago and she roughly turned onto her other side in another vain attempt to find sleep.
With a frustrated groan, Ginny threw the covers off of her, snatched up the ring that she had set on her bedside table, and stomped across the room to grab her shoes, not caring about how much of a racket she was making. She descended the stairs at a steady pace and walked past the few remaining people in the common room, readily ignoring their prying eyes and walked through the portrait hole.
Ginny found herself breaking out into a light jog as she manoeuvred her way through the corridors, only to find herself nearly skidding to a stop when she suddenly ended up face to face with Snape.
"Going somewhere?" He drawled as he looked down his nose at her.
"I forgot my textbook up in the Astronomy Tower," Ginny replied with as little irritation as she could manage as she tried to not glare back at the professor or worse, shove him out of the way. All she could think about was what could possibly be going through Hermione's mind right now and what she must be feeling. Frankly, at this moment in time, Ginny very nearly didn't give a shit if she ended up in detention for the rest of the semester or cost Gryffindor 100 or more points.
"Likely story, Miss Weasley," Snape said, sounding about as unconvinced as he was unimpressed. "You may be in seventh year, but it is far too late for students to be wandering the halls. Please return to your dorm immediately."
"I need my textbook," Ginny asserted unapologetically.
"I will inform Filch that your elusive textbook is up in the Tower and he will hold it for you until morning," Snape declared. Ginny could swear that she could see just a hint of that repulsive smirk working its way into existence. It took all of Ginny's self-control to not lash out in frustration about this whole thing, and instead forced herself to reply calmly.
"Sir, with all due respect, I-"
"Enough, Weasley. Back to your dorm, now," he forcefully demanded, and Ginny realized that this was a lost cause.
"Yes, sir," she replied with shocking evenness as she spun on her heel and strode briskly away. Fine, she'd find somewhere else to go.
Glancing over her shoulder, Ginny confirmed that Snape wasn't watching her any longer and she hurried down another corridor. Lifting up her hand, Ginny checked her watch and let out something akin to a growl when she realized just how much time had passed since she'd spoken with Hermione. Okay, it hadn't been outrageously long, but during a time like this, it really felt like that much too long.
As she continued her journey, a sudden grinding noise jerked her out of her contemplation. She stopped and turned to look at the wall as a door appeared.
"Room of Requirement," she muttered with a brief, half-hearted laugh. She took a moment to examine the door before heaving a sigh and going inside.
"Hm, not a whole lot going on," she mumbled as she walked into the center of the room. The room was empty minus a cozy looking chair situated right in the middle. Regardless, she knew what it was trying to tell her.
Ginny sat down heavily in the chair and took her necklace off, placing it on the floor in front of her. She stared at the ring for a second as she felt that knot in her stomach grow and her throat begin to tighten once more. She exhaled in one last attempt to calm her nerves and reached out to the ring with her wand.
"Communicae Protea."
She continued to stare at the ring for what felt like ages. The more time passed, the more her worry evolved into anxiety. She wasn't even entirely sure what she was going to say. A shuddering sigh forced itself out from her lungs as she set her jaw; not knowing what else to do other than grit her teeth in self-reproach. She was about to end the spell when Hermione popped up.
Immediately, Ginny could see that Hermione had been crying. The girl sat on the couch under a small blanket, her knees pulled up, sniffling and her eyes red. She was looking away and brought a hand up to wipe away at a stray tear.
"'Mione," Ginny said remorsefully, leaning forward ready to envelope Hermione in a hug when she remembered that it was just an image. The redhead sat back, watching her girlfriend sadly. "'Mione, I'm so sorry."
"I almost didn't answer," Hermione stated, her voice sounding congested. She still refused to make eye contact with Ginny.
"I know, baby," Ginny said softly. Hermione looked put off by the term of endearment, but her features quickly softened.
Encouraged by Hermione's quiet acceptance, Ginny started to talk, not too sure what was about to come out of her mouth.
"I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. I definitely didn't handle my emotions the way that I should have," she paused, gauging Hermione for any sign of a response.
"Is that how you really feel? You just want things to be over?" Hermione asked in a harsh voice as she glared at Ginny through red, watery eyes.
"That isn't what I said," Ginny replied urgently as she sat forward to eye the brunette in earnest. "I-"
"Really?" Hermione interjected in a scathing tone. "It sure sounded that way. Perhaps I should make it easy on you and let you go. Lord knows there are plenty of other girls who'd have you - you have nothing to worry about."
Ginny tried to interject but Hermione just talked right over her. Additionally, it seemed that Ginny's attempt at interrupting just fired Hermione up even more because she brought her legs off of the couch to sit facing Ginny, staring hard at the younger girl.
"Go on, maybe one of those girls with their fleeting star-struck infatuations can give you what you need, because I apparently can't," Hermione said in a way that left no room for Ginny to misinterpret the simmering emotions underneath the surface. Despite her effort, the shot still got to Ginny.
"Damn it, Hermione, if I was going to sleep around or have anything to do with any of those girls I would've done it a long time ago. This is between you and me - no one else," Ginny stressed.
A tense moment passed and Hermione's shoulders relaxed slightly. "I'm trying Ginny, but-" Hermione opened her mouth to speak, but quickly clamped her mouth shut and turned her head away as she began sniffling once more.
"Mione," Ginny breathed as her stomach dropped at seeing her lover like this. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for what I said to come out that way. I don't want to end things - not at all. Please believe me." Ginny watched helplessly as Hermione's shoulders started to hitch as quiet sobs took over, the brunette still looking away.
"I'm sorry," Ginny said once more at a loss for words. This would be so much easier if she could just hold Hermione, but that just wasn't possible right now. "I just...I don't know, it's so stupid," the younger girl sighed heavily. "I just miss you so much. I know your work is important to you and that's a good thing, that's what makes you who you are and it's part of why I fell in love with you. I just feel so disconnected from you. You have a new life with new responsibilities, new people, new priorities, new everything, and I can't stop myself from thinking I don't belong."
Now Ginny was looking away and she could feel Hermione's eyes on her. She did note, however, that the sound of Hermione's sniffling had stopped.
"I know it's not your intention," Ginny went on, "but I just feel like I'm being...I don't know...left behind."
"Gin, look at me, please," Hermione said with quiet authority.
With mild reluctance, Ginny turned her head to look at Hermione. The brunette's eyes were now gentle and when she spoke, her voice was sincere.
"It breaks my heart to hear that I've made you feel that way. Ginny, I need you to know that you always have a home with me. I know I've been outrageously busy, and it's true, I've been just expecting you to understand and not thinking enough about how it might make you feel. You've been so great about it all, and I..," Hermione paused for a second, seeming to re-think her thoughts before continuing on as she let her gaze fall to the ground, "I guess I've been taking advantage."
Ginny was about to comment, but Hermione forged on, now re-establishing eye contact. "I didn't know you felt as bad as you do, and I'm so sorry that it's gotten to this point." She took a moment to breath. "I clearly haven't been expressing myself right, because talking with you is the highlight of my week and you're honestly the only one who keeps me sane," she said with a slight chuckle. She grew solemn and continued, "I need you more than you'll ever know. And you, not anyone else."
Ginny laughed softly. It felt great to hear those things, but she didn't quite feel content. "Thank you, but I still can't help but feel like I'm an inconvenience. I'm sure you can do better things with your time than listen to me talk about quidditch." She really wasn't used to feeling this uncertain.
Hermione frowned. "I know this is a hard time and there's a lot of change going on, and I realize now how distant I've been - it hasn't been fair to you at all. But the bottom line here is that I wasn't sorted into Slytherin for a reason; while all the responsibilities I've been given have been very flattering and I'm very much invested in this cause, I would give it all up if it meant that achieving all that meant losing you."
"Hermione," Ginny reprimanded, "I don't want you to have to choose. If I kept you from achieving your dreams, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. You'd deserve someone better than that."
"Well, I don't think it'll come to choosing one or the other," Hermione reasoned. "I just need you to understand that those achievements would mean nothing if you're not in my life. I may not be able to sit across from you every night in the common room, but I still love you. Nobody else makes me feel like this."
"I miss you," Ginny said simply. There really seemed like no better words to describe how she was feeling at the moment.
"I miss you, too," Hermione said with a sad smile. "And I'd be lying to say that this hasn't crossed my mind before, you know, me being so busy. I even began to write you a letter confronting this issue, but I let myself get wrapped up in other things and I never finished it...," she trailed off, the regret in her voice not going unnoticed by the redhead.
"Well," Ginny started, "I know you're busy..."
"No," Hermione replied a bit fiercely, catching Ginny off-guard. "It's not an excuse. And you shouldn't make excuses for me either. You're –" Hermione repositioned herself on the couch once more and looked to the younger girl, eyes shimmering with tears once more. "Ginny, you're the love of my life, and I haven't been acting like it. And to know that I've hurt you, it's just too much. I'm so sorry. I got so wrapped up in work, and I forgot what really matters. And I mean, I know how crazy the girls are for you, you really could have someone else in no time. I'm not around and I'm not attentive enough...," Hermione trailed off.
"Stop that," Ginny reproached. "And really, it's not necessarily about how frequently we talk, it's just that, to me, it seemed like you didn't miss me all that much."
"I miss you every day, Gin," Hermione said earnestly. "So much."
"I miss you, too. Sorry I was so spastic. I should've talked to you sooner about this, I just didn't want to seem demanding or selfish," Ginny said in a soft voice.
"Don't apologize, Gin. This isn't your fault," Hermione said with a pointed look. "It's not demanding or selfish of you to want to speak with your girlfriend for more than a few minutes at a time...God, Ginny, I'm so sorry. Please, if for some unknown reason I slip back into insanity and let it get anywhere close to this point again, please, tell me. Though, I wouldn't deserve another chance. I don't want to lose you, Gin..."
"You won't. And I don't want to lose you either," Ginny said with a small laugh.
"You won't. Ginny, I'm sorry - and I'm sorry for how I reacted earlier. I promise that we'll talk more and it'll be different. You're my priority, Gin, I'm sorry I ever made it seem otherwise."
Ginny just offered Hermione a small smile and reached out her hand towards the girl. Hermione put her hand out as well and their hands hovered above one another's just barely apart. Ginny slowly turned her hand and Hermione moved hers in time, both girls silent.
Ginny let out a sigh. "Well, it's late, and later there. I should head back. I'll have to sneak past Filch and Snape," she smirked.
"I'm sure you'll manage," Hermione replied with an amused smile. "So, are we okay?" She asked with slight apprehension.
Ginny chuckled softly. "Yeah, we're okay. And yes, if things don't change, I'll talk to you sooner about things rather than just playing tough," she said with a sly grin.
"They will change, don't worry. I'll make certain of it," Hermione promised. "Okay, sweet dreams, Gin. I love you very much."
"I love you too. Good night, 'Mione."
AN: Okay, bit of a confrontation between Hermione and Ginny. Better for them to talk sooner, rather than later, right? Jk. I'll try to post the next chapter sooner than usual since not a whole heck of a lot happened this chapter lol. Well, I hope everyone enjoys their weekend!