Author's note: Another chapter here. It's longer than usual, but I wanted to wrap up this arc here. I don't want to scare off my readers with three full chapters of Naruto's mental breakdown. If you can read through this, you'll get to the new adventure in the next arc. Coming next week.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Not even an actiion figure of him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Naruto's room~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The youngster that had just walked from behind the corner, hands in his pockets and whistling a merry tune, had just enough time to look surprised before the Fuuton jutsu hit him. He was blown to the opposite side of the street where he slumped down, bloody and unmoving.
No.
The shinobi team was putting up a good defense against the bunch of clones attacking from the other direction. They didn't notice him sneaking up on their backs and cutting them down. They never stood a chance.
No!
The man was a butcher, still dressed in a bloody apron with a huge meat cleaver in his hand. When the attack started, he stood firm, prepared to defend his home against all invaders. But he was just a civilian and too slow to fight a trained ninja. He was down in ten seconds, his dead hand still clutching his weapon.
NO!
The old lady scowled with the righteous indignation only old people manage when they're scolding the younger generations for their shortcomings. She lifted her cane, gripping it tightly in her arthritic hand, intending to bash his skull with it, but she was just an old woman and he was a ninja. She...
The scene shook. The old lady still stood her ground, her cane poised to strike. Get away, he wanted to shout at her, but he couldn't. He knew what was going to come next and he dreaded it. Then the scene shook again, harder.
He woke up. Everything around him was white. It took him a while to realize that it was hospital sheets. He was back in Konoha. That felt somehow odd. He felt that he should still be in Kumo, doing... he didn't want to think about it, but his mind brought up another picture. Abandoned toys lying in the street...
The hand on his shoulder shook him again.
"Are you awake now?" It didn't sound much like a question. It took him a while to place the voice. Tsunade. Naruto closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk to her. He didn't want to talk to anybody. He just wanted to... what? He realized he didn't know. He just didn't want to go through any more memories. All the images that had barely registered because his Kage Bunshin got dispelled so fast were now parading in front of his mind eye in technicolor. And squeezing his eyes shut before them did nothing to chase them away. They just became more vivid. He wanted to forget, but his memory refused to back down until it presented him with every gruesome detail of everything he did in Kumo. He couldn't deal with that. He couldn't. Yet he could see no escape. He cried.
"Naruto!" Tsunade shook him harder. He curled in a fetal position. He really didn't want to deal with her. But she wasn't discouraged so easily. She turned him over so he now faced her. "Look at me," she ordered. He looked down instead. She grabbed his chin and forced his face up. He glared at her through his tears. He couldn't muster the energy to do anything else. He wondered idly just how pathetic he looked, but abandoned the train of thought quickly. Holding to it was too much effort.
"Naruto," Tsunade spoke again, this time in a softer voice. "Tell me what happened."
"I killed them," the boy answered. He didn't really want to, but the words still flowed from his lips.
"Killed who?" she inquired. She needed to get Naruto talking or she would never reach the core of the problem.
"Everybody. Everybody in my way," he admitted. Maybe now Tsunade would see what kind of dangerous monster he was and leave. The Slug Sannin did no such thing. Instead her mouth tightened into a grim line. She hated seeing the usually so bright boy so down, even broken. She had already explained to sensei in great detail what she thought about sending Naruto on such a mission during the medical checkup. The Hokage had been trembling, trying to escape her grasp before she was done with him. The look on his face when she had confiscated all his tobacco supply to check it for mind-altering substances had been something she was going to savor for a long time to come. Yet now, faced with the result of the Third's orders, she felt it wasn't enough. She wanted to plan another, more thorough checkup and this time include some experimental procedures. And forbid his smoking. But that was for later. Now she had Naruto to take care of.
"You must have heard it before, but ninja kill," Tsunade stated. It wasn't a good thing to say as far as comforting a distraught child went. Naruto didn't reply, only shuddered a bit. "And you were in many battles before. So what was different this time?" She had already heard something, but not quite enough to understand the situation fully. And she wanted to hear Naruto's version. She needed it to help him.
"It wasn't a battle," Naruto replied.
"No?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "You look like you've been in one tough battle. So what it was if not a battle?"
"A massacre," he answered, his eyes downcast. "Slaughter. They couldn't fight and I killed them all." He started trembling again, hugging himself under the blanket.
"They were civilians?" Tsunade inquired.
"Civilians, genin, old men," Naruto listed. "Whoever didn't run. I... I wasn't supposed to do that, but I did it. Once the fighting began, everybody was an enemy. Even if they were a little child. I was supposed to just fight the ninja, but I... lost control. I really am a monster." He broke down sobbing.
"Naruto," Tsunade spoke, caressing his head gently. "That was the Kyuubi's doing."
"No," he shook his head. "It was all my own. I didn't use its power until the end. The bloodlust was all mine."
"That sometimes happens in battles," the Slug Sannin spoke. She knew that well from personal experience. There were a few times during the Second Shinobi War she really wasn't proud of. Naruto said nothing to that. "It doesn't make you a monster."
"Doesn't it?" he retorted. "I thought that was what monsters are."
"If so, then all shinobi are monsters," Tsunade countered.
"We are." That wasn't the answer the Slug Sannin was hoping for.
"I'm a shinobi too. Do you think I'm a monster?" Naruto didn't answer. Tsunade was nice. She was taking care of him. But he had heard enough about her past on the battlefield and the kills she made. So maybe she was a monster after all, but he didn't dare to say it to her face. He wasn't suicidal, though just barely. Tsunade took his silence as a good sign, so she continued. "Every person is capable of both good and evil. You aren't a monster as long as you have compassion. You might sometimes do cruel things, but it doesn't make you evil, if you do them for Konoha."
Naruto closed his eyes. Immediately the images of broken bodies, dead children and blood on the ground appeared in his mind. Tsunade just didn't understand. She had no idea how terrible things he had really done.
"Tell that to the people in Kumo." He refused to talk with her further. All she said was just empty words he had heard many times before. They didn't make it any easier. They couldn't hold in face of the cold, cruel, bloody reality. He just closed his eyes, tuned out the lecture in philosophy and waited for Tsunade to get bored or called away and leave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Naruto's room~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Naruto didn't bother looking when the doors of his hospital room opened. It was probably just a nurse coming to check on him or try to make him eat. He wished she'd go away; he was in no mood to deal with people. He wasn't fit to deal with people. Kyuubi was right, he was the monster here. He remembered how it had been when he had first come to Kumo. He had thought that the people there were the same as in Konoha. He had watched them go about their daily business and thought how bad it was he had to hurt them. And then, when the signal had come, he had done it anyway. He remembered the old lady he had talked to. What had happened to her? He didn't know. She was probably dead and it was his fault. She had been nothing but kind to him and he had repaid her by killing her. He really was the worst kind of scum. Those who were trying to convince him otherwise didn't know what they were talking about.
"Hello!" The voice was young, boisterous and vaguely familiar. So not a nurse. Not that it mattered. They should just go away, whoever they were.
"Arf!" Now that was a puppy barking.
"H-hello." Now it was a girl's voice, speaking quietly.
"Hello." Another boy. All of them sounded familiar, but trying to remember who they were was too much effort. So was turning around to look. Naruto just lay quietly and wished they'd go away. Though he was also a tiny bit interested in why they visited him.
"Hey, talk with us," the first voice demanded, sounding a bit annoyed. "Or are you too good for us?"
"Whoof!" the little dog barked. Now Naruto remembered who it was. Hana's little brother. What was his name again? And the others must be his teammates. How long it had been since he had seen them? Just a month? It felt like ages ago. So much had happened since then.
"W-we heard there was nobody to visit you s-so w-we came." The Hyuuga girl. Was Hinata her name?
"Mom said that with your teammates on a mission you're lonely here," Kiba explained. So his team was on a mission? Good. He didn't want to see them. He didn't want them to see him.
"We decided to visit you. Why? Because I didn't have the opportunity to thank you properly for saving us." The third teammate who had spent most of their time together knocked out. Naruto didn't know much about him. But he still didn't turn around. He didn't deserve their thanks. He was a monster. Who knows what he might do to them if they stayed too long.
"Hinata keeps talking about you," Kiba added. "You're her hero."
"K-kiba-kun!" Hinata blushed.
'Hero?' Naruto thought. He was no hero. He was a monster. He had saved Team 8, that was true, but just because he had killed the people that had captured them. He was no hero and they should understand that before it was too late. He turned around. Hinata yelped and blushed a deeper shade of red.
"I'm not," he said.
"What?" Kiba asked.
"A hero," Naruto elaborated. "I'm not one."
"You saved us." For once Hinata managed to say a whole sentence without stuttering.
"That doesn't make me a hero," the blond boy insisted.
"Hey, Hinata keeps talking about how dashing you looked when you broke through the door," Kiba said. Akamaru barked in agreement. "Even I have to admit it was pretty cool."
"Y-you're so strong." Now Hinata was stuttering and blushing again. She could hardly believe that she actually said it aloud. It was almost like admitting that she liked him.
"That doesn't make me a hero," Naruto repeated. He hoped that they would finally get it. They didn't.
"I wish I was like you," Hinata admitted, staring at the ground and pressing her index fingers together. If she blushed any harder she would probably faint.
"Don't." 'Don't ever become like me,' Naruto thought, but Hinata ignored him. Once she had gathered enough resolve to speak, she didn't dare to stop even to take a breath, or she might never finish what she wanted to say.
"I'm weak, I mess up everything, I'm such a failure..." Here her voice finally gave. She looked as if she might begin crying.
"Don't cry, Hinata," Kiba tried to comfort his teammate. "You're strong. You made that guy drop you, so they couldn't drag us away."
"I never do anything right..." When depression hit, it hit hard. Hinata didn't seem to have heard anything the Inuzuka had said.
"You did well," Naruto spoke. Team Eight's problems weren't his problems, but the sight of a crying girl triggered some primal protective instinct. His voice managed to get through to Hinata. She glanced up at him, but lowered her eyes after a second.
"I can't even do Juuken properly," she mumbled.
"Then what can you do?" Naruto asked.
"What?" Hinata blinked.
"If you're bad at Juuken, what are you good at?" the chuunin repeated his question.
"B-but..." the white-eyed girl opened her mouth several times and closed it again before speaking again. "I'm a Hyuuga."
"So?" Naruto questioned.
"Juuken is our style." Suggesting anything else was blasphemy to the young clan heiress.
"Juuken is powerful, but it's predictable. And predictability gets ninja killed. You have to know something else, otherwise if somebody fought one Hyuuga it's as if he fought them all," Naruto explained.
"But Hyuuga use the Juuken," Hinata repeated, still trying to wrap her mind around Naruto's suggestion. Hyuuga use the Juuken, that's what her father had taught her ever since she had learned to walk and talk. She had never even considered learning anything else.
"He is right," Shino agreed. "Why? Because if you fight an enemy who knows your clan's style and has a counter, you need something else to surprise him." Aburame children were encouraged to learn something beside the use of Kikaichuu. The Destruction bugs were powerful, but if somebody knew how to neutralize them, using, say, poison gas, they needed something else to fall back on. The Aburame couldn't use much jutsu because of their hives constantly feeding on their chakra, but most of them had some weapons up their sleeves in case somebody got close enough for a hand-to-hand fight.
"Me and Akamaru are unbeatable, but I still want to learn how to spit fire like sister," Kiba added.
Hinata could see the logic in their words, but still hesitated. As the daughter of the Main House, it was her duty to prove the superiority of the Hyuuga clan by defeating all enemies using only Juuken. If her father found out she was learning something else, he would disinherit her and put her into the Branch House, and that was if she was lucky. But, a traitorous voice in her head added, you can't prove the superiority of the Hyuuga clan if you're dead. And you really want to be strong.
"Really," Naruto spoke, "I don't get why the Hyuuga clan insist on using only Juuken. I mean it's powerful, but the Byakugan has so many more uses. It must make learning jutsu much easier if you can see the chakra flow. And if you can see enemies before they can see you, you can hit them from afar. There are so many uses. So why only Juuken? It's making you weak."
"We are not weak!" Hinata defended her clan out of habit, despite agreeing with Naruto's words. It was as if a new world suddenly appeared in front of her. There were so many ninja arts. Which one could she be good at? She had been quite decent with the Academy basics, so she had hope in that regard. But what if it turned out she really was a failure and couldn't learn anything else?
"You can be stronger," Shino spoke. "Why? Because a good ninja needs many options to deal with different kinds of enemies." That brought Naruto down to earth. Talking with Team 8 almost made him forget his worries, but this had reminded him. Dealing with enemies. Killing more people. What was he doing, advising little children on how to become monsters like him? He really didn't want them to become monsters. But if they didn't get stronger, they'd die. That wasn't an appealing option either. Nothing was. He felt as if he was lost, alone at the bottom of a well and darkness was pressing at him from all sides, threatening to consume him completely. His visitors were talking, but their words didn't register in his mind. He didn't care that he was being rude. He just wanted them to go away so he could sulk in peace. He stayed silent, staring into the wall, until a nurse came and chased his visitors out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Konoha hospital~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The assassin crept along the corridors stealthily. His target was almost within reach. It took him a long time to come this close. The target was very elusive and very skilled. The assassin had already experienced several near-misses. But this time he was determined to succeed. Considering all the effort he had already put into his quest, anything else was out of the question.
A doctor came around the corner and the assassin dove under a bench quickly. He waited with bated breath as the doctor walked right past him, not sparing him a single glance. Then he sighed in relief. That had been close. If he was captured when he could already see the door to his target's room, he would die of shame. But fortunately it didn't happen and now the path was clear. He left his hiding place and ran towards the door, his feet barely making a sound on the floor.
He reached for the doorknob and paused. Now came the critical part of the plan. He had to take his target by surprise, otherwise there would be no chance of success. His target was too strong and skilled to be defeated in a straight-up fight. Correct timing was everything.
He took a deep breath, threw the door open and rushed in. So far luck was on his side. His target had his back turned to him. The assassin raised his arm, a kunai poised to strike. He sprinted forward. His target began turning around. That wasn't good. He urged his legs for some more speed. Then suddenly someone else appeared in his way. He had never seen the newcomer before, but he could already tell that he was strong. And there was murder in his eyes. The assassin tried to defend against him, but he knew it was futile. There was no way he could stand up to this enemy. Not only had he failed again, this time he was going to die for sure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Naruto's room~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Naruto knew that he should be polite when talking to the Hokage, but he didn't feel like it. He didn't feel like talking to the Third at all. Though he usually liked the old man, now he couldn't forget that it was ultimately the Sandaime's order that had sent him to Kumo. So he just lay in his bed, stared at nothing at particular, let Sarutobi's apologies and pleas and attempts at psychoanalysis to flow in through one ear, out through the other and wished that the Hokage would finally get away and let him mope in peace. Though the village leader didn't move from his spot for the last forty minutes, there was a mountain of paperwork awaiting him somewhere and he wouldn't be able to ignore it for much longer. Then he would finally stop dredging up bad memories.
"Remember your first kill?" the Hokage asked. Naruto remembered the Chuunin Exams in Suna, the time he wasn't sure whether he had killed one of the contestants during the second test or not. He had been so down about it. And shortly after that he fought battles and slew many without remorse. He really was a monster and turning into something even worse.
"You were on an assassination mission before." Back then he had thought the merchant had deserved it for selling supplies to Kumo. Now he wondered how his family felt, something he hadn't given much thought to when it had mattered. Another proof he was a monster. And on and on it went. Naruto wished it was over already. Though maybe he deserved it. He was a monster and should suffer for all he had done.
Then the door suddenly swung open and a figure rushed in, a kunai in his hand, and headed straight for the Sandaime's unprotected back. Naruto's instincts took over. He sprung from his bed and rushed at the attacker, racing to intercept him before he could reach the Hokage. He could see the shock in the assassin's wide eyes as he realized that he had failed. Naruto extended Wind Blades from his fingernails, preparing to cut down the intruder. Then something grabbed him by the forearm and threw him into the nearest wall, nearly dislodging his shoulder in the process. He quickly rolled to his feet, ready to face the new threat. Instead he found himself facing the Hokage, who looked very angry.
"Stop," Sarutobi ordered. Though his voice wasn't loud, there was such authority in it that Naruto's body reacted on its own. The blades of Wind chakra dissipated. Naruto blinked. Just what was going on? Where was the attacker? There was only the Hokage with him in the room and there was a young child kneeling on the ground, shaking with fear. His right hand still clutched a blunt practice kunai.
"Why did you try to kill Konohamaru?" Sandaime's voice was stern and a bit disappointed.
"Huh?" Naruto still wasn't sure what was going on. "He attacked you," he said after a few seconds. "He was armed." These were the few things he was certain about.
"He's just a child," Sarutobi pointed out. Naruto just stared. The Hokage realized how stupid his last claim was. Naruto had been only a year older when he had become genin and there were some shinobi who had graduated even younger. Being a child meant nothing.
"I'm not just a child!" Konohamaru finally found his voice, though it was still shaky. The fact that he was seven made his claim even less convincing.
"Who is he?" Naruto inquired.
"Konohamaru. My grandson," the Third answered.
"That's right!" the boy in question shouted. He shook off most of his earlier shock and was now displaying his usual bravado, only an occasional tremble betraying he was still a bit scared.
"Why did he attack you?" Naruto asked. Inside he was close to panicking. 'I've nearly killed a child again. I'm really a monster. I just kill everything that moves without looking what it is. I shouldn't be allowed among people.'
"I don't know where did we go wrong with him," the elder Sarutobi sighed. "He began this nonsense a month ago. This was the fourth attack today."
"It's not nonsense!" Konohamaru protested. "I'm going to defeat you and show everybody I'm a strong ninja!"
"It isn't that easy," Hiruzen said, sounding as if he had given this lecture many times before and was beyond bored of it.
"Idiot," Naruto snarled. "Be glad you don't have to be a ninja yet." 'Just be glad you don't have to kill yet. It isn't going to last.' The Sandaime watched the argument with curiosity, glad that Naruto was finally showing interest in something.
"I have to be the strongest ninja to be the Hokage!" Konohamaru exclaimed.
"Why would you want that?" Naruto scoffed. Ordering massacres was almost worse than actually performing them.
"So I can stop the war," the boy answered as if it should have been self-obvious.
Naruto recoiled as if struck. Stop the war. The words echoed in his head. Stop the war. Now wouldn't that be wonderful?
"It isn't that easy," the Hokage sighed. He was getting really, really tired of delivering the same speech over and over again and having it fall on deaf ears every single time.
"It is!" Konohamaru defended is master plan. "When I am the strongest, then everybody will have to do as I say 'cause if they don't, I beat them up." It sounded really simple, but there was an obvious flaw in it.
"Nobody is that strong," Hiruzen pointed out. "No-one ever was."
"Then I will be," Konohamaru insisted stubbornly. Before his grandfather could reply, the door opened again. This time it revealed a bespectacled man in jounin uniform.
"Here you are, Honorable Grandson!" the newcomer exclaimed.
"Drat, how did he find me?" Konohamaru muttered.
"You shouldn't skip your lessons, Honorable Grandson," Ebisu lectured. "You won't become the Hokage if you don't train."
Konohamaru tried to dart out of the door, but Ebisu was too skilled to allow him to slip past. He grabbed the child by his collar and dragged him off, presumably to some boring lesson. Once they were gone Sarutobi tried to resume the talk from earlier. He quickly realized that Naruto was listening to him even less than he did before. He wished he knew what the child was thinking. He could make an educated guess, but he had the feeling that it would be off. Eventually he sighed and gave up the pointless talk. There was a mountain of paperwork waiting for him in his office and steadily growing in his absence. For once it actually looked inviting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Konoha hospital~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Naruto stared out of the window. In front of him Konoha was bathed in the afternoon sun, looking deceptively peaceful. Naruto barely registered the people going about their business in the streets. To stop the war, Konohamaru's words echoed in his head. It was a noble idea. If the war ended, everything would be much better again. Unfortunately like most noble ideas it belonged to legends and fairy tales rather than real life. Stopping a war among shinobi countries wasn't so easy. It usually took one side being dead or both of them out of supplies and ninja to begin talking about peace. But still, it was a worthy dream. Peace. Even a little brat saw it and did everything in his power to accomplish it, even if he was completely misguided in his efforts. So why was he, a seasoned chuunin, moping around in a hospital bed? His wounds had healed days ago. He should be out there, doing something to ensure that the war was going to end.
But that brought the question of what exactly he could do. Kill the enemy forces so they would have to give up? That was a way, but it made him want to throw up. He didn't want to kill again. He didn't want to be a monster. But he was one. He had already killed countless defenseless people who had never done him any harm. Could he justify killing them just because they had been born in another village? But if he didn't do it, he would be hurting Konoha. But wouldn't that be worth it if it meant that the war was finally over?
Naruto was shocked by his own thoughts. Did he really just think that he wouldn't mind Konoha losing the war if it meant it was finally over? That was treason. But the idea didn't disgust him quite as much as the prospect of more killing, more massacres like the one in Kumo. Did Konoha really deserve to win if they condoned atrocities like that? Did the others deserve to win? They weren't any better. He had heard about an Iwa squad that managed to infiltrate Suna and blew up a civilian housing district. And Kumo forces once tried to set fire to a forest a Konoha squad was hiding inside, not caring about the villages around it that would have been destroyed too. And let's not get started about Otogakure. The world suddenly looked bleak. It was full of monsters and he just couldn't see a really good person anywhere. It made him want to curl up and die.
A slight shift in the air signaled that the door to his room had been just opened. He whirled around, his hand reaching for a kunai he didn't have. When his fingers found only air, he slid into his taijutsu stance instead. Only then he noticed his visitor. Konohamaru. His small, childish face was looking at him with a mixture of fear and determination. Naruto wanted to kick himself. He did it again, nearly killed a child. But he couldn't help his reflexes. It was what kept him alive during battles. He shook his head. He really was a monster, not fit for human society. The way he was going it was just a matter of time before he really killed somebody.
The door opened the whole way, revealing that the Hokage's grandson brought two friends with him, a boy and a girl his own age. The three children strode inside purposefully. Naruto forced himself to relax from his combat stance. There was something about the trio that just screamed 'confrontation.' Eventually they stopped a few paces before him and Konohamaru stared into his eyes.
"Train us, Boss," he stated.
"What?" Naruto blinked in surprise. He didn't know what to expect from the three Academy students, but this certainly wasn't it.
"You're strong," Konohamaru continued. "Train us." Well, Naruto supposed he was strong, at least from their point of view. But why would the younger boy want to do anything with him after what had happened earlier today?
"Why me?" the chuunin questioned. "Aren't you scared? I nearly killed you."
"You killed gramps' robes," Konohamaru answered.
"What?" Naruto felt he was missing something here.
"I saw it. There were tears in his robes," the Academy student explained. "I could never touch Gramps and you cut his clothes and you're only a bit older than us. You must be really strong. So teach us."
"Please," the girl accompanying him added with a charming smile. In a few years men would fall over for that smile. Even now Naruto found it hard to resist.
"Alright," he said. He wasn't sure why. Maybe because he was tired of the hospital room and wanted something, anything, to do. He knew he wasn't supposed to leave without Tsunade's permission, but he didn't care.
"Great!" Konohamaru laughed. "Let's go."
He led them to a training ground Naruto had never been to before. It was probably a private training ground of the Sarutobi clan, or maybe the Hokage's, but with the Honorable Grandson there it was probably alright for them to be here.
"Show me what you can do, kiddies," Naruto prompted them. Konohamaru Corps waited for nothing and attacked. It was a very short and brutal battle. When the three seven year old children lay on the ground, groaning in pain, Naruto made a mental note to tone down his abilities even more than he was already doing. He really didn't want to hurt them.
"I see you really are strong," Konohamaru said when he caught his breath again. Then he grinned and attacked.
They spent the next hour like that. The children were trying to beat Naruto, he blocked them and sometimes explained what they were doing wrong. Eventually the Academy students' endurance ran out and Konohamaru declared a break.
"That was more fun than training with Ebisu," Konohamaru declared. "This way I'll be Hokage in no time!"
"Don't look so cheerful," Naruto replied. "Being a ninja is much harder than you can imagine. And being the Hokage is much worse."
"I don't care! I'm going to become strong enough!" Konohamaru announced his determination.
"It isn't about your abilities," Naruto shook his head. "It's about what you have to do when you're a ninja."
"I can do anything," the Hokage's grandson stated with conviction, demonstrating that his idea of 'anything' was rather limited.
"You say this only because you've never been in a battle before," the chuunin said. "You don't really understand what it is you want to do. You can't understand what it is like to kill and see your comrades die in front of your eyes and be powerless to stop it."
"I can understand," Konohamaru insisted, his voice suddenly serious. Naruto looked at him in surprise. The child sounded like he was speaking the truth. But how could he when he's been sheltered within the village for his whole life? "My cousin Tomoya died last month. He was a genin, just graduated, and they ran into a Kumo team. That was when I decided I'll become Hokage and stop this war, so nobody else will have to die."
"So you haven't actually seen any killing with your own eyes," Naruto observed. "You only think you know what it is like. Your goal is noble, but are you willing to fight for it? Die for it? Kill for it?"
"I am!" Konohamaru shouted proudly. "But I won't kill. I'll make it so that people wouldn't kill each other anymore!" His two teammates nodded in support. Naruto sighed. These three quite obviously had absolutely no idea what they were talking about.
"It doesn't work like that," he said, though he suspected his words would fall on deaf ears. And he was right.
"It does," Konohamaru insisted. "If I am the strongest, then I can change things and nobody can stop me."
"When did that ever work?" Naruto asked.
"When Senju Hashirama said he wanted peace, everybody said he was crazy. But he didn't listen to them and founded Konoha and nobody could do anything about it, because he was the strongest."
Naruto had to admit Konohamaru's theory had merit. He was no history expert and he knew that the Academy student left out a lot, but basically it was true. The Shodai Hokage had accomplished something that had never been attempted before, at least not successfully, and he had pulled it off because he had had enough strength to protect Konoha during its infancy. By the time he had died the village had already been strong enough to hold its own against its enemies. The idea of villages where various clans could live in harmony had caught on. The idea of peace didn't. Instead of warring clans there were warring villages now. It just made the war bigger. Probably. Naruto was no history expert.
"He founded Konoha, but we still don't have peace," the blond boy mused aloud.
"Then we have to make it," Konohamaru said with determination. Naruto smiled. Konohamaru's enthusiasm was contagious. And the boy was right. If they wanted peace, they'd have to make it. Once they figured out how to do it. But at that moment Naruto felt that it was possible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Konoha~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Naruto sat in the treehouse near the training grounds, staring out of the window absently. He had tried to train before, but his heart wasn't in it. Though it felt good to move after being cooped up in the hospital for so long, he couldn't help but think about what he was training for. Despite his earlier resolve to become stronger because weaklings could change nothing, he still cringed at the idea of what being strong meant. His mind supplied him images of every corpse from every battlefield he had ever fought on. He tried to shut out the memories and concentrate on his training, but that was easier said than done. When he tried spinning Wind chakra in his hand, he imagined the damage a completed Wind Rasengan would inflict on the human body and felt sick to his stomach. He cut the training short after that and hid inside the treehouse Tenzo had built for him with his jutsu so long ago.
Naruto sighed and looked around the room. It was full of reminders of happier times. Innocent times of his childhood. A box of toys lay in a corner. He hadn't played with them for so long he couldn't even remember what they were anymore. He walked over to it and opened the lid. It was full of tiny wooden figures. It was another gift Tenzo had made for him with his Mokuton. Toy ninja. They stood in taijutsu stances, kicked, punched, jumped, crawled, prepared to cast jutsu and hid behind corners. Now Naruto could remember. He used to spent hours here, playing with the little wooden men, shuffling them around the room, staging great ninja battles and simple assassinations of evil men. He had been so naive back then. Being a ninja was no game. Would he still have wanted to become one if he knew what it was like? No. Maybe. He used to be quite dumb back then so he probably would have believed he could change things. And now he was a real ninja and believed exactly the same. Did it make him an idiot? Or just desperate, because he had no other choice?
With a sigh, he slammed the lid close, locking the little wooden ninja in their dark prison once more. They reminded him that he too was just a figure moved across the board that was the Elemental Nations according to the wishes of the people in charge. He didn't like being a chess piece. He wanted to become a player. And he'd have to be strong to accomplish that. If only the path to strength wasn't soaked in so much blood.
He was snapped out of his musings by the sound of somebody climbing the ladder. He looked out of the door. It was Tenzo. The jounin had made noise on purpose so he wouldn't startle him.
"Hello," he greeted.
"Hello," Naruto replied, trying to sound happy and failing. Though he was glad to see his caretaker, he couldn't muster the energy to feel happy about anything lately.
"How do you feel?"
"Fine." An obvious lie, but Tenzo didn't question it.
"So you can take missions again?"
Missions. Killing. Naruto's mood soured instantly. He didn't want to do it, but sitting around in here, playing with his old toys, would solve nothing. He had to face the harsh reality of ninja life again.
"Yes," he answered. Tenzo studied him for a while before nodding.
"Good. I bought you something." He then presented him with a long package. Upon unwrapping it, Naruto saw that it was a sheathed ninjato. He stared at it blankly.
"You lost your old one so you need a new one," the jounin said in explanation. He then unsheathed it, showing the naked blade. "Will you take it?"
Taking up the sword? That was symbolic. Like something from the old stories Tenzo used to read to him when he was a little child. Naruto studied the offered weapon. It was made from chakra conductive metal. The craftsmanship was superb. It must have cost Tenzo a fortune. It was a bit longer than his old ninjato used to be, but that was understandable. He had grown since he had received the last one, though not as much as he wished. Hana's dogs really were bigger than him now.
He stared at the blade some more, not really seeing it. He hated the bloodshed it symbolized, he didn't want to touch it, but he knew that refusing it would change nothing. The war would still go on. If he wanted to change it, he'd have to stop moping and do something. He didn't know what he should do, but he could figure it out later. And so with a sigh he picked up the weapon.
The hilt fit into his hand perfectly, as if it was made just for him. It probably was, though Tenzo didn't say it. Naruto gave it a couple of test swings. The edge sang as it cut through the air. It was really sharp. Naruto channeled a little Wind chakra through it. It was so easy. Despite himself, the boy smiled. It was a truly beautiful weapon.
"Thank you," he said. He looked out of the window. There, standing in the sun, were his teammates, waving at him, beckoning him to join them. He smiled his first genuine smile in a long while. His teammates still wanted him. They didn't think he was a monster. It didn't occur to him that maybe they didn't know what he had done. He just was happy that he wasn't alone. He waved at them and jumped down from the house. Whatever trials were awaiting them, they were going to face them together.
And that's it for now.
Next time: A new mission and some canon characters come to visit.