I Run to You

by MidnightTrain

For five years, Bella Swan and Jasper Whitlock have lived as carefree vagabonds. In an old Mustang, they roam from town to town across the country. But they are broken; and they are running. So what happens when the past catches up to them? All-human. Complete.

8. Hide and Seek

Chapter 8: Hide and Seek

Someone finds salvation in every one,
Another, only pain.
Someone tries to hide himself
Down inside he prays.
Someone swears his true love
Until the end of time,
Another runs away.
Separate or united
Healthy or insane.

Be Yourself – Audioslave

x.x.x

Bella.

I cried. I fucking cried. It had been… so long since I'd cried and now here I sat, curled up in the corner of my bed, fucking sobbing and shaking and blubbering over him.

I'd been up for hours, running each and every possible solution to this mess over and over in my head. For each alternative I imagined the conversations Jasper and I would have, that Alice and I would have, that Alice and Jasper would have. Over and over and over again.

I considered my first and most obvious alternative: leaving. But what would happen if we left? We'd buy a new car with the little money we had saved up. I'd be able to convince Jasper to sell the Mustang and use the money he'd stolen from Tim, and we'd buy a car that could get us to the border, and we'd never look back.

I knew Jasper would do this for me. He'd sell his Mustang, his beloved car, so that I could run.

So that we could run.

Because we always did.

If I said the words, we would leave. There wouldn't be a choice to make. Because that's just how it worked.

Except… I couldn't do that to Jazz. We had been through a lot together… the only constant we had in our lives besides each other was that car. I never hid my dislike for the car, though I claimed it was because of the amount of times it had gotten us stranded in the middle of nowhere. But that wasn't the only reason... and that Mustang meant more to Jasper than he'd ever let on.

Because it was his father's dream car.

And somewhere, deep down, there was a part of Jasper, a twelve-year-old version of Jasper who would still do anything for his father's approval. And maybe Jasper's dad had been a complete asshole who had ruined his sons childhood… there was still a part of Jazz who would do anything to please his old man; make him proud. And that's exactly what the Mustang was.

I resented the car because of that. But Jasper had sacrificed so fucking much for me over the years… And as badly as I wanted to, I knew I just couldn't.

That option left me hating myself. Because Jasper didn't want to leave, and Jasper didn't want to sell his car, and because Jasper liked Alice. And I couldn't ask him to leave her behind. He was so happy here, and I just couldn't do it.

So… what if I left. Could I do it? Could I leave Jasper here? He could be happy with Alice. And he would sort out his differences with Edward eventually. But what would I do? What would I do without Jasper? Would Emmett come with me? Could I leave to a different country, with a man a hardly knew, and leave my best friend behind?

That option left me far too lonely, the unknown was much too frightening. I didn't know. I didn't know if Jasper would even let me go. But I could take the money, a little over a thousand, Jasper had said... and I had tip money from the past week. It would be enough to get myself a decent car, or even a bus pass, and make a run for it. Jasper wouldn't even have to know before I was too far gone.

Maybe it would break his heart, but maybe it was what was best for us both in the long run.

But I couldn't… just could not imagine my life without Jasper. I didn't want to ask him to leave, and I couldn't leave him behind.

But what was left? For us to stay? Stay in Forks, and maybe when the Mustang was up and running again we would figure it all out. It would only be a few more weeks maybe. I could avoid Edward for a few weeks. Sure I worked with his cousin, and my best friend was dating his cousin and the town was small as hell… but it's not like it was impossible. I was certain he'd be avoiding me too, so it probably wouldn't even be that hard.

"Bella?"

Someone murmuring my name snapped me from my thoughts. I looked across the room to find Jasper propped up on his elbow, staring at me in confusion. He rubbed his face, as if he wasn't sure if he was awake or dreaming.

"S-sorry," I said softly, my voice shaking. "Did I wake you up?"

He shook his head slowly. "What's wrong?"

I felt a fresh round of tears building, and I just shook my head, not trusting myself to talk. He didn't even have to speak, he just slid over, making room for me and I crawled over to his bed. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me as I cried into his chest.

"Bella," he said gently, smoothing my hair off my forehead. "Sweetheart, what's wrong? What happened?"

I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to tell him. I just squeezed my eyes shut and bawled up the fabric of his shirt in my fist, wishing I would just wake the fuck up already. Wake-up, wake-up, wake-up...

"Bella?"

There was a desperate edge to his voice. This wasn't a fucking dream, and he was getting worried… I opened my mouth, nearly choking on the words.

"It's just… Edward."

I felt him sigh lightly, pulling me closer against him. I breathed in his soothing scent, musky and slightly leathery and just so Jasper. It calmed me, if only slightly.

"Hey, sweetheart, it's okay. It was just a dream," he murmured soothingly. If I wasn't so hysterical, I may have laughed. I fucking wished he was right.

"No," I said, pulling away and wiping my tears with the back of my hand. I drew in a deep, shaky breath. "It wasn't a dream, Jazz. He's… he's here. In Forks."

It took a few moments for the words to register, but his eyes snapped to my face, immediately searching my gaze in confusion. "What do you mean he's here?"

"Edward Cullen," I said meekly, "Is Alice's cousin."

Jasper froze. His hand that was stoking through my hair halted its movement, his grey eyes stared into mine in shock. I watched him, waiting, counting in my head as I waited for him to react. I got to about eighty before his hand finally slid down my face to my cheek.

"But that's not… possible," he finally breathed. He shook his head and rubbed his face. "How…?"

"He came by the bar."

"Not a dream?"

"Not a dream."

"And Alice is his cousin?"

"Yep."

"Christ," he breathed. "Does Alice… like him?"

I snorted. "As a cousin? Seems so, yeah. I mean, she was pretty damn excited to see him when he showed up."

He let out a soft breath. "Oh. Um… okay."

"Yeah, I mean, it's okay. Let me tell you, he was so excited to see me." I couldn't believe I had the ability to be sarcastic at a time like this. Maybe it would have been more convincing if I didn't have fresh tears on my face.

Jasper just slowly shook his head in disbelief. "If he's Alice's cousin… he's not the one that…" He looked up at me helplessly.

"Lives with her? Yup, that'd be the one. Fantastic situation we have ourselves in, no?" My voice had a slight hysterical edge to it. I swallowed the lump that was building in my throat.

Jazz's jaw dropped a little, his forehead creased as he continued to shake his head slowly in disbelief. I could tell he was still trying to wake himself up, make his brain process information through his drunken haze.

"Did he… did he see you?"

I nodded. "We had a pretty intense stare-down… didn't exactly exchange any words."

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry."

"Jazz, it's not your fault."

"I at least could have been there."

"I really think it was a good idea that you weren't."

He sighed, raking a hand through his tangled curls. "Yeah, you're probably right. Alice would be one cousin short if I were."

"Yeah and that's probably not the right way to win over her heart."

Jazz sighed again and just stared at me. "So…"

This was when I was supposed to say it. Those two words that would set everything in motion. He was expecting it. Hell, I was expecting it. But I couldn't. I wouldn't.

"So," I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. Nobel, self-sacrificing and all that. It went against every one of my instincts but I said, "It's going to be okay."

His brow furrowed. "You don't…"

I shook my head. "We're not going anywhere."

His confusion was growing. "But-"

"It's been a long time, Jazz. He's moved on, I've moved on." Lies. "We're all adults here, it's going to be fine."

"Fine?" he spat back at me, shaking his head. "I wake up to you in hysterics and you shrug and tell me it's going to be fine?"

"To be fair… you weren't supposed to wake up."

He muttered something under his breath, clearly not amused.

"I was shook up. I mean, it surprised the fucking hell out of me, seeing him."

"I'd imagine."

"What's the worst that could happen?" I asked softly. "We fight? We say horrible things to each other? We make every body else uncomfortable? It's not the end of the world, Jazz." I just wished that it didn't sound so much like I was trying to convince myself.

"I swear to fucking god, if he so much as looks at you wrong-"

"Jasper."

"No, Bella. You wouldn't let me kick his fucking pussy ass five years ago, but I'd love a reason to do it now."

"You are not going to touch him, Jazz."

"Why not?"

"Think of Alice."

He glared at me, his expression torn.

"We'll be the complete strangers that everyone thinks we are, and it'll be fine."

"How?"

"How what?"

"How do you expect me to look into his fucking face and pretend that he didn't just rip your heart out and fucking walk away? How can I look at him, after everything you've been through – we've been through – and pretend like it never happened? How can you?"

I felt the familiar tugging in my chest, the painful throb of my heart, the aching, gaping hole… I tried to push the feeling away. If I was going to do this, I had to be strong.

"If you want to stay, and I know you do, Jazz, then you'll just have to. Do it for Alice. Do it for me."

His eyes narrowed, as the realization hit him. "Is this why you're doing this? For me?"

"I like seeing you happy, Jazz."

"Bella," he chuckled softly. "I'm happy with you."

"Yes, but I can't be everything. What if this is your chance? Your somebody?"

He just sighed and shook his head. "You're a hopeless romantic, you know. Despite how hard you try and hide it."

I just smiled, thankful he wasn't arguing the point. "I know."

He laid his head back down on the pillow, looking up at me with eyes brimming with concern. "I'll do as you ask, Bells. On two conditions."

I sighed. "All right."

"One, he doesn't touch you. I will not sit back and watch you get hurt again. And if he does anything, anything to upset you, or hurt you, make you cry… if he makes you feel even the smallest amount of pain, I get to knock him out, and we leave."

"Jazz-"

"Bella." His voice was steely, and I knew that there was no arguing it. "If you can't agree to that, then we leave tomorrow."

"It's really not going to be necessary."

"Just agree."

I blew out a breath, nodding. "Okay," I said quietly, then curled up on the bed beside him. I couldn't tell Jasper, but it was too late for the second condition. Because simply looking into his eyes caused me more pain than I thought possible.

I watched his eyes flutter close, and he draped his arm around my waist, pulling me back into his side.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?" he murmured, not opening his eyes.

"I just want you to know… I blame this all on the Mustang."

He let out a laugh, his hand found my hair and ruffled it slightly.

"Maybe the Mustang blames this all on you."

Maybe he was still really drunk after all.

x.x.x

Edward.

"Edward, you have to come."

I rubbed my face, reminding myself silently once again that I seriously had to shave, and leaned up against the doorframe in Alice's bathroom.

"I'm tired, Al. I don't feel like going out tonight."

"Edward," she whined, pulling the flatiron from her hair and jutting her lower lip out at me in the mirror. "You've been gone for two weeks, you've been sleeping all day, and I miss you. Come on, it's Sunday and it's cold so we won't be that busy. I want you to meet everybody. Please, cousin."

I sighed and banged my head back into the corner of the doorframe. Fucking ow.

"Alice…"

"What do you have to be such a baby all the time?" she grumbled, going back to working on her hair.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm not being a baby."

"Then what's your problem?"

"I told you," I growled, clenching my fists into balls and reminding myself it wasn't Alice I was mad at.

"Fine," she snapped. "But it would have meant a lot to me, Edward."

Fuck. When the hell did the tiny ball of sunshine become so damn manipulative? I let out a noise that sounded like a half sigh, half growl. But I knew what it meant – I'd given in, just like I always did. Because there wasn't a fucking thing I wouldn't do for Alice.

"What time should I be there?"

She glanced back at me, fighting a smile. Damn woman knew I would cave. "Whenever. Jake will be there; maybe we can all hang out after everybody leaves. And go have a nap if you're really worried about making it." She made a face at me in the mirror.

I rolled my eyes at her and started backing out of her bedroom. I really was fucking tired because I may have been holed up in my room all day, but I hadn't been fucking sleeping. Every time I closed my eyes all I could see was long, flowing auburn hair and deep caramel orbs staring back at me. And it was different than it usually was, because it was real. It wasn't a five-year-old memory that I saw. It was fresh. And vivid. How she looked right fucking now.

I wished I didn't know.

Over and over, I saw that look on her face: first the recognition and then the horror. A look that probably exactly reflected mine.

I reached under my shirt and rubbed my stomach just as it growled. The only reason I'd come upstairs was for some cereal, and now Alice had me conned into going to The Whiskey tonight. Which meant… seeing her.

Perfect.

I knew I should have just fucking stayed in bed until after she left.

Over the course of my restless night and afternoon, I'd decided one thing: it would only be worse if I didn't face it. Every day I didn't, it would be that much harder to keep up the façade. That much harder to pretend… Still didn't mean I wanted to.

I slammed the cupboard door closed harder than I had intended and set the box of Cheerio's forcefully down on the counter. I'd been resisting the urge to punch something all fucking day. I had way too much pent-up aggression for just getting back from vacation.

I put on some music and turned it up until my ears hurt and took a seat at the kitchen counter and ate my cereal slowly. I needed something to drown out the thoughts of my over-active brain. Something to cloud my memory of the night before. Something to distract me from the aching in my chest. I focused on the loud, screeching metal of the music, trying to keep my mind from wandering as I slowly picked away at my Cheerios.

I didn't hear or see Alice until she leapt up on the tall counter in one swift motion and seated herself right next to my bowl. I looked up at her, scowling, and she just laughed.

"What is this?" she practically screamed over the sound of the music. She put her hands over her ears and pouted slightly. Alice didn't like anything you couldn't pole-dance to.

"Killswitch Engage," I called back to her.

She said something in reply which I didn't hear, and I reluctantly picked up the remote and turned it down.

"Huh?"

"It's so… angry."

I shrugged. "It's therapeutic."

"Ugh. Go nap cranky pants. I'll see you in a bit, alright?" She scooped a handful of Cheerio's from the box and hopped off the counter. The little midget was practically vibrating with excitement. I'd never seen her so fucking eager to get to work. I tried my best to smile genuinely but I had a feeling it still looked like a scowl.

She ruffled my hair as she danced towards the door, throwing her hair around in a terrible attempt to head-bang to the music. I fought back a grin and shook my head as she disappeared around the corner.

Sometimes I just wished Alice didn't have to be so damn good all the time. It would sure make me feel better about being such a fucking dick.

x.x.x

By the time I pulled up in front of The Whiskey, it was getting close to eleven. I'd put it off for as long as I possibly could. Alice had been right – the parking lot was practically deserted. I spotted Rose's red Mercedes and Jake's bike amongst the few other cars scattered in the dark lot. I popped a piece of mint gum in my mouth as I put my car in park and slowly stepped out into the chilly evening. It wasn't raining today, but it was misty and cold as fuck, the damp air felt like ice against my skin. I walked slowly, feeling as if I was treading through heavy water, trying to keep my fucking heart from pounding out of my chest. The joint I'd smoked on the way over here was doing fuck all to calm my nerves.

I pulled open the door and stood in the entrance of the bar for a moment, taking in a deep breath. The place was warm, the lighting dim and the air slightly hazy. I ran a hand through my hair as my eyes danced slowly around the room, taking in my surroundings.

At first, I didn't see her. My eyes focused in on a table where he sat, his profile to me. He was grinning and sipping a beer, and he was everything that I remembered. Same fucking blonde curly hair, the same smile on his face that I wished I could wipe off with my fucking knuckles, the same mysterious emotion brewing in his grey eyes, like he was seeing something all the time that the rest of us weren't. He was leaning back in his chair like he was the king of the fucking world. And in his lap was a laughing Alice. My Alice. The anger in my chest hit me unexpectedly and hard. I wanted to go over there and rip his fucking arms for even touching her. It was only the look on her face that stopped me. She was grinning from ear to ear, her fingers of one hand intertwined with his, that fucking sparkle in her wide hazel eyes. She looked so happy. It put me at ease, if only slightly. For a moment I almost forgot what exactly had me so fucking anxious. But it was one short, short moment.

Because then my gaze shifted, and my eyes fell upon her.

She was standing at a table at the back of the room, serving drinks. And she was laughing. Her entire face was lit up, her lips pulled up into the biggest of smiles, long lashes fluttering against rosy cheeks, one hand on her flat stomach, the other balancing a round brown tray. She was laughing and sparkling like a perfect angel, hair in long waves down her back, her skin glowing in the dim lighting of the bar.

And god… she was so fucking beautiful.

"See, I told you he'd show!"

I unwillingly drug my gaze away from Bella to Alice, who had suddenly appeared at my side, bouncing and looking up at me with a huge smile. The smile faltered when she looked into my eyes.

"You smoking again, Edward?" she huffed, like she was my fucking mom and I'd committed the ultimate sin.

I leaned down. "Desperate times, Al," I murmured in her ear. She only gave me an exaggerated eye-roll and linked her arm through mine.

"What do you have to be so desperate about? Come on, I have introductions to make."

"Great." If she detected my sarcasm, she sure didn't show it.

I snapped my gum as she led me to the table where Jasper, Rose, Jake and some other guy – Emmett? – sat. I immediately glanced over at Jasper, who suddenly seemed to be very angry at the label on his beer bottle, his eyes narrowed as he picked away at the damp paper.

"Jazz, Emmett, this is Edward."

The big guy stood up and held out his hand, a wide grin stretched across his face. "Edward? Isn't that, like, a grandpa's name?"

"Actually, it's my fathers. Emmett, right? Isn't that, like, a redneck's name?"

He let out a loud laugh, thank fucking god because I had a feeling that if I offended him there'd very few recognizable pieces of my body left to bury.

"Touché."

He shook his head, still grinning, and slapped my back before plopping back down into his chair. I couldn't help but chuckle as I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair, nodding towards Rose and Jake. Jasper still hadn't looked up, and I was glad because I was afraid that if I had to look into that motherfucker's eyes I'd deck him right across the face. My firsts curled at the thought. I wondered what Alice would think if I just randomly knocked out her new boyfriend.

Jasper and I… well… we had our differences – a lot of them. We had clashed right from the very beginning – something about the dude just ground on my nerves., He was Bella's best friend, and yeah, it was hard to accept that my girlfriend's best friend was a dude who lived with her… but I managed. That was never really the issue. It was more the way he treated Bella… like he fucking owned her that just drove me up the fucking wall. And Bella was so damn blind to it. He didn't like me much, for whatever the fuck reason, maybe because I saw right through him from the very beginning. But he tried for Bella. She was our common ground – our only reason for a truce. Because no matter how much we despised each other, both of us fucking lived and breathed for that girl. But now, well, she wasn't common ground anymore.

He could take me out back and fuck me up if we really wanted to, and Bella wouldn't give two shits. Not that I was afraid of the punk, but still. And I could hit him without knowing I was hurting Bella.

Except… now I had to factor Alice into the equation.

Yeah… this was going to be fucking impossible. Part of me wanted to just fucking blurt it all out right then and there and then make a run for it; leave them to clean up the mess. I wished I could. I wished I didn't care.

"How was the vacation, fucker?" Jake asked. He was straddling a chair backwards, leaning it forwards on two legs as he took a pull from a bottle of beer.

"Too fucking short."

"At least you get vacations," Alice whined, narrowing her eyes jokingly at Jake. "My boss doesn't believe in vacations."

"Oh, fuck that, little Cullen. If you recall, your terrible boss is giving you the entire weekend off for your birthday soon, you know."

Alice tried to look annoyed but her smile gave her away.

"Come on, let's go grab you a drink," she sang, looping her arm back through mine and dragging me towards the bar.

"Yeah, sure, serve Edward beer," Rose called out from the table. Alice flipped her off, laughing.

"Al, it's all right," I said, placing my hand on her arm and stopping her. My eyes darted quickly across the room to where Bella was strolling back to the bar, still unaware of my presence. "I'll grab it – I gotta take a piss anyway. Go hang out."

"You sure, E?" She looked at me like I hadn't been to this bar a thousand times and had to served myself.

I messed up her hair and winked. "Yes, Alice. I'll be right back."

I watched as she danced back to the table, plopping herself back down in Jasper's lap. Then I turned my attention to Bella, who was distracted by something behind the bar, her back to me. My heart was pounding furiously as I drew closer, my skin pricking with the electricity as with every step. I couldn't believe that still, after all the fucking years that had been put between us, I could still feel her like that. Feel her presence shooting across my skin and filling my chest with every beat.

I couldn't understand why she had this effect on me.

No one else ever had, and I had a feeling no one else ever would. There was something about her… maybe it was because she was the first girl I ever truly loved. Maybe it was like this for everybody – their hearts never truly let go after saying good-bye to their first love. Maybe… but a part of me didn't want to believe it. A part of me wanted to know that this, this electricity between us, only happened to us. We were the only two in the world that felt this way.

I watched as she grabbed something and disappeared into the back room. I tried to be casual as I slipped behind the bar. Taking a deep breath, I silently prayed nobody was paying attention, and prepared for disaster.

x.x.x

Bella.

I didn't hear the door close behind me, or the lock click, but suddenly I was very, very aware of his presence. I tensed and turned to find Edward leaning casually against the closed door of the storage room, his arms crossed over his chest. Even though I knew he was there, it still startled me. I held my hand to my chest, my eyes widening in surprised as they took in his appearance almost on their own accord. Dark blue jeans, check. Unruly bronze hair, check. Grey t-shirt, identical to the one now balled up under my pillow… check. His mossy eyes were watching me intensely, though his emotions were carefully guarded. His jaw was relaxed, but his forearms were strained and I was willing to wager his hands were balled tight into fists, a habit of his that only surfaced when he was stressed. I couldn't help my gaze from lingering on the smooth lines of his forearms. Since when was I an arm girl? I quickly looked away, my heart thudding obnoxiously against my ribcage. I took a quick breath and raised my eyebrows, refusing to let him see how much his presence was affecting him.

"Hello, Edward."

"Bella." He nodded shortly, his gaze not leaving mine. His eyes were cold. Distant. Not the warm shining emeralds from my dream, not even close. I met his stony stare, raising a brow slightly in question but refusing to look away as I waited for him to speak. The echoes of laughter from out in the bar floated into the stuffy room as I shifted uncomfortably. The air around us was buzzing with tension; it felt as if five years worth of baggage was crammed in the tiny room with us. I let out a soft breath and brushed away a stray hair with trembling fingers. Finally, he pushed himself off the door and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He ducked his head down and looked up at me through his lashes.

"I think we need to get our story straight."

I took small step away from him, hoping he didn't notice. "What story?"

He arched and eyebrow and let out a soft chuckle, dodging my question. "I see you haven't told Alice."

"Neither have you," I said, in almost an accusing tone.

"I wonder why that is?" he mused, tilting his head slightly to the side as he eyes searched my face. His voice had a sarcastic edge to it.

I let out a frustrated sigh and narrowed my eyes, not in the mood for his fucking games. "Is there a reason you came in here, Edward, or are you just trying to make this worse than it already is?"

He shrugged and laughed. I turned my back to him, trying to remind myself that there was a reason that I shouldn't deck him right across the face. Maybe I wanted to… but it didn't mean I was going to.

"If I scream, Jasper will come running ," I told him. If he was lucky, I'd be crying and Jasper would get his wish and knock out Edward himself.

He laughed again, raking a hand through his mess of bronze hair. It wasn't the laugh I remembered – no, this laugh was sarcastic and mean. "You say that like it's supposed to scare me."

"It should."

"Maybe if there was anything remotely intimidating about him, your threat would have a little more substance. But you know as well as I do that he won't touch me."

"And how would you know this?" I seethed, glaring at him.

He shrugged again. Fuck his nonchalance was going to get to me.

"Alice," he said simply.

"You know, maybe a part of him he doesn't want to hurt you because it will upset Alice, but trust me, a way bigger part of him wants to cause extreme harm to you because of me."

"I guess it just depends which he cares about more."

I narrowed my eyes. "What are you trying to say?"

He just looked at me, one corner of his mouth lifting up into a condescending smirk. "Aren't you afraid you're going to get left in the dust, Bella?"

My heart twisted painfully as my name escaped his lips. I wrapped my arms around myself, pushing the ache away and channeling it into anger. "In case you aren't aware, Edward, Jazz is nothing like you. He doesn't just walk away from the people he loves. Or claims to love," I muttered, adding it in almost as an afterthought.

The smile slid off his face and he narrowed his eyes angrily. "You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that?"

"I didn't have anything left to walk away from," I spat.

He laughed bitterly. "Whatever."

Silence fell between us. I shivered as I stared at the man before me. This person… whoever he was… wasn't Edward. Not my Edward. That person… he didn't exist anymore – if he'd even existed in the first place.I tried not to let that thought crush me. I had to be strong here. I didn't understand what in the hell had motivated him to come in here after me. Was he trying to torture me?

"So do I get an explanation?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and turning to him.

"Explanation for what?"

"Maybe why you are the one looking at me like you wouldn't mind ripping my throat out? Or what the hell you're doing living here? Or why you were the one that ripped my heart from my chest five years ago, and now you're the one playing the victim?"

He laughed cruelly. "You really have no fucking idea, do you Bella?"

"I guess not."

"Maybe you would have gotten your explanation if you'd stuck around home long enough to talk to me."

"My parent's fucking died!" I exploded, my voice echoing around the cement walls of the storage room, pelting the both of us from all angles. I lowered my voice, still seething vehemently. "Sorry I didn't want to have the whole 'reasons why I can't love you anymore' talk."

"You know that was as hard as me was it was for you."

"Bullshit, Edward. You saw how weak I was and you jumped at the opportunity. I didn't want your sympathy."

He just shook his head angrily. "You have no fucking clue. It's really too bad – things would have turned out a lot differently if you'd just given me two minutes of your precious time."

"Is that a fact?" I sneered. "You've always been far too sure of yourself, Edward. I don't think there was anything you could have said to change my mind. I couldn't even look at you, Edward. It made me physically ill to see you or think about you or hear your voice. All I wanted was a little time-"

"A little time? You disappeared."

I held up my hands. "Well, we've got all the time in the world now, so enlighten me, please Edward. What could have you said that would have changed everything?'

He shook his head angrily. "It doesn't matter anymore. It's too late, Bella."

"Then why are we even arguing about this? It doesn't matter anymore."

He let out an exasperated sigh, running his hands through his hair. I glanced towards the door, knowing that I needed to get back out to the bar before people started wondering where we'd disappeared to, but there were things I needed to know – things I couldn't ask him in front of everybody else.

"What are you doing in Washington?" I demanded.

"I live here now," he replied, speaking in a voice as if he were explaining it to a five-year-old.

"Well that explains everything."

"Still as sarcastic as ever, huh?" He shook his head and sighed softly. "I moved out here four and a half years ago. I had to leave home."

Four and a half years ago? Which meant… he'd only stuck around Jacksonville six months after I left. I'd never really thought about Edward leaving Florida after graduation – though I knew he missed the north, the changing seasons, the snow… and I think his home life had been a lot easier in Chicago before the move down south when he was fifteen. But it was strange; every time my thoughts drifted to him over the years, I imagined him surfing the waves of Hanna Park and going to bonfires on the beach, throwing a football around in the beaming sun, living in a spacious apartment near campus, sporting Gators zip-ups and flip-flops. I expected his life would continue on in Florida like it would have if I hadn't left.

But then I caught the key words. "Had to?"

"It's a long story." His eyes tightened and his gaze shifted to the floor. It was obvious it was a painful story, too. Was it because of me? Or had something else happened over the years to the man I used to know? Had he been broken… lost? A part of me wanted to reach out and console him, but another part of me was slightly smug. He'd suffered too, and maybe he'd deserved it.

I wanted to ask questions, but I didn't. Because I really didn't want to know – and he didn't deserve my sympathy.

"So we're not telling Alice?" he asked, steering the conversation back on track. He looked back up at me, the pain in his eyes replaced with a smooth mask of indifference.

I nodded. "We're not telling Alice. Emmett has no idea. And Rose?"

"Rose knows nothing."

"Then… this is all between us?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"Jasper agreed to keep it quiet, too." I didn't add in Jasper's conditions, because Edward really didn't need to know.

"Figures." Edward rolled his eyes. I didn't know exactly where the roots of the grudge between Jasper and Edward really laid. But when Edward and I dated, he had at least tried to like Jasper, no matter how much Jazz despised him. Jazz tried too… for a long time. But now it seemed the feeling was completely mutual.

We fell silent, the only sound coming from the music and laughter of our friends inside the bar. With a frustrated sigh, I turned and moved towards the door.

"Where have you been, Bella?" Edward's voice stopped me, and he spoke so soft I wasn't even sure I was supposed to hear. I saw something soften in his eyes as raised his eyes to mine, his expression slightly torn.

"Like you care," I muttered, avoiding his gaze. I knew I couldn't let him get to me – his hypnotizing eyes, the frown on his lips, the crease between his eyebrows that told me he was distressed over something. If this was going to work, I had to separate the old Edward from this bitter, angsty version. I couldn't let him in, not again.

He was silent. I watched as he worked his jaw, and it looked like he was struggling with himself. His hand lifted, almost like he was reaching out for me and stopped himself.

I shook my head. "Say it. I don't think that anything you can say will offend me, Edward."

"And why's that?"

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Because I don't care anymore."

"Care about what?"

"About you."

"Oh," he responded, his expression slightly amused. "What a relief."

"Don't mock me."

"Oh, but I was so afraid, Bella. So scared that the moment you saw me again you'd throw yourself in my arms and fall in love with me all over again."

"We were never in love," I growled, unable to meet his eyes as I spoke. My fingers played with a loose thread on my shirt. I knew I didn't mean it like it sounded, but I didn't care enough to correct myself. I was never in love with the man standing before me. It had been a different Bella and a different Edward who had drifted to sleep in each other's arms, lulled by the gentle crashing of waves against the cool sand and then awoke hours later to a sky painted in red and pink as the sun crept above the endless horizon of water. Those were different people – different versions of ourselves.

He was silent, and I was too afraid to look up and see his expression. After a long moment, he finally responded. "Fine."

"Fine?"

He shrugged, looking almost defeated. "You are right – we never were in love."

I nodded, wishing it didn't feel like such a fucking lie.

"So what do we do?" I asked. "I think it's obvious it's going to be hard to avoid each other… and, I mean, won't Alice will think something's up if we just have some unexplainable vendetta against each other?"

Edward raised an eyebrow. "What? You want me to pretend to like you?"

"No," I replied quickly, not even giving myself a moment to be offended. "Look, we don't have to… I don't know. Maybe be like friends? Call a truce? I'm sure we're mature enough to handle that, at least. Then Jazz and I will be gone… and you won't have to worry about it anymore."

"A truce," he repeated, his expression thoughtful as he pondered it. "Why don't you just leave now then?"

"We don't have a car."

"I will give you my car."

"You're not serious."

He face broke out into a small, genuine grin. He chuckled and shook his head. "You're right, I'm not."

"Besides, Jasper and Alice deserve to be happy."

"Yeah, until you guys take off and break her fucking heart."

"Jasper won't hurt her," I insisted, my fingers reaching for the door.

Edward shook his head. "No, he won't. Because if he does, he's a fucking dead man."

I turned my back so he couldn't see me fighting back laughter as I unlocked the door and slipped out of the room. I shook my head. It was only hours ago I'd heard almost that exact threat uttered by a different man. The irony failed to escape me. Despite how much they loathed one another, Edward and Jasper were more alike than they even knew.

x.x.x

"Bella, that's not how it happened!"

"Yes it is!" I gasped, my cheeks flushed as I doubled over in laughter, "You – you." I stopped and gasped for a breath, my entire body shaking as I looked over at Jasper and began laughing harder.

"Shut up," Jasper tried to growl, but he was laughing too.

"You guys are killing us," Emmett broke in.

"Yeah!" Alice chimed.

I glanced up at the table, still unable to hold back my laughter. I caught Edward's eye, who was watching me with a bemused expression on his face, and I looked away and ducked my head, still giggling. Jazz kept shooting me these looks, pleading me to not do this now, and that just made me laugh harder.

"So you came home from work one night…" Jake repeated the beginning of the story, urging me to continue.

I chuckled, throwing Jazz an apologetic glance. "Yeah. Sorry. It's just the look on Jasper's face was so fucking priceless. He-"

"Bella-"

"Jasper, it's too late," Alice broke in, holding up her hand to silence him as she giggled. "Bella, tell us," she begged.

"All right," I giggled, clearing my throat and avoiding Jasper's gaze because I knew it would just crack me up again. "You know, it's probably not even that funny, it's just-" I paused, breaking out into another fit of giggles, "-the look on his face-"

"Bella," Alice whined.

"All right, all right. So, it was… I don't even know. A while ago. Back in our experimental stage-"

"Experimental?" Emmett asked, looking back and forth between Jazz and I with an eyebrow cocked. "You said you never-"

"No!" I interrupted, laughing again. "Not like that! We… dipped into drugs from time to time. I don't know, we weren't very hardcore, but for whatever reason we picked up shrooms this one time, wasn't really my thing. I thought Jazz had gotten rid of them; I didn't even know he still had some." I giggled and Jazz narrowed his eyes at me, but his grin betrayed him.

Emmett let out a loud laugh. "I like this story already."

I grinned at Emmett, trying to focus. "So… I was working a late shift, and when I got home I was so tired I just wanted to go pass out. It was late and I got back to the hotel and just assumed Jazz was in bed like he usually was when I got home." When I was working nights, mine and Jasper's paths only crossed when one of us would come home from work and find the other fast asleep. Those were the times I hated the most – the loneliest times of my life. I shook the thought as I continued.

"And I just went right into the bathroom and I – I –" My voice got high as I fought back another fit of giggles. "The light was on, and I guess I didn't think about it, but I walk in and Jasper – he's sitting in the bathtub, having a bubble bath. And he's – he's wearing his cowboy boots and his cowboy hat and playing with a rubber duck and he looked up at my when I walked in," I gasped for a breath, "He just looked like – like he'd been caught in the act of doing something so wrong. Like a little kid caught stealing from the cookie jar or something."

The table burst out in laughter and Jasper ducked his head, burying it into Alice's tiny shoulder. I could see he was chuckling too though, and I nudged him as I joined in on the laughter.

"Your cowboy boots in the bathtub!?" Alice's entire body was shaking as she tried to pull Jazz's face up.

"Dude, a rubber duck?! What the hell?" Emmett howled.

"I found it!" Jasper cried, as if that would make it better.

"Where?"

I giggled, allowing Jasper to tell this part of the story.

"I went for a walk – I was tripping the fuck out and for some reason I thought fresh air would do me good. I was walking these trails and I found this toy duck just lying in the mud by the playground," he was laughing, because he knew how absolutely ridiculous it sounded. "I was fucked and for whatever reason I felt bad for it because the other ducks wouldn't play with it until it was clean. So I brought it back to the hotel and gave it a bath."

"But why the cowboy boots?" Jake pressed, still chuckling as he took a swig of his beer.

"It wanted to play Cowboy's and Indian's," Jazz replied, ducking his head again. The entire table was roaring with laughter again, Jasper's cheeks flushed a slight pink as he chuckled at himself.

"That is the cutest, most disturbing story I've ever heard," Alice giggled, ruffling Jasper's curly locks.

Jazz grinned playfully up at her. "Now I think I get to hear an embarrassing story about you. Fair's fair."

"Impossible," Alice replied. "I am a perfect specimen, so such stories exist."

"That's a damn lie."

"Yeah, come on cousin," Emmett said, nudging Edward. "There's got to be something you can spill about sweet little Alice."

"Edward, no!" Alice cried before he even had to respond.

"I thought you were a perfect specimen," Jazz chuckled. "You shouldn't have anything to worry about."

Alice buried her face in her hands. "If you do this, Edward, I swear to god I'll never talk to you again."

"Alice, I would like to see you try."

"I have one," Rosalie spoke up, grinning slyly over at her friend.

"Yes!" Emmett pumped his fist in the air.

"Rose!"

Rosalie's smile grew and she rolled her eyes. "Oh, Alice, it's not even that bad. So last summer," she began turning to the rest of us, "We were at Esme and Carlisle's cabin, and me and Al went for a hike, down to the public beach."

"Rose…" Alice whined.

Rose ignored her friend. Jasper patted Alice's head, leaning across the table towards Rose, grinning.

"We were almost there, it was real quiet, nobody really around. We were both just kind of minding our own business, walking along… and then all of a sudden Alice just screams and shoves me right into the trees. Like, knocked me off my feet, the girl is fucking strong when she wants to be. She screams 'BEAR!' and like throws herself in front of me, I don't know what the fuck she thought she was doing, but when I looked up I see his big black animal strolling down the path."

"Rose, no…"

Rose only laughed.

"What was it?" Jazz pressed

"A black lab."

"Like… a dog?"

"Yup."

We all cracked up.

"You were going to protect her from a dog?"

"It was big!" Alice cried, jutting out her bottom lip. "I didn't… look closely enough."

"Awww…" Jasper grinned. "What were you going to do, Alice? Fight it off?"

"I don't know! I just… panicked." She buried her face in her hands. "I felt so stupid."

"Ah, but it was so funny," Rose reminded her. "The couple that was walking the dog – yes it was on a leash – they probably thought we were absolutely nuts, rolling around in the trees laughing our asses off."

"You're coming with me next time I go hiking," Jasper told her. "I need all the protection I can get from big scary black dogs."

Alice shoved him half-heartedly. "Shut up."

Jazz chuckled and rested his chin on her shoulder. I chanced a glance over at Edward, who was drumming his fingertips lightly on the wood of the table, his chin resting in his hand as he gazed across the bar, looking like his mind was far from our trivial embarrassing story exchange. I really noticed for the first time the purple, bruise-like shadows under his lashes, a glazed over look in his eyes. Something about the way he looked just seemed off… he was gorgeous, of course, I was fairly sure Edward Cullen turned heads every day of his life, but he didn't look well. He looked tired, and faint lines around his eyes told me this wasn't news, either. It made me wonder again what he had been through over the past five years. Whenever my thoughts drifted to him, he was the happy, charming man from my memories, not this exhausted, gloomy man who sat before me, only a shadow of the Edward I once knew.

He smiled, sure – every time his eyes would meet Alice's across the table, the corners of his mouth lifted, a spark lit deep in his mossy eyes. And he chuckled along to our stories, but I never would have thought it would be me who recited embarrassing anecdotes while he leaned back quietly and listened. Edward had always come to life in crowds of people – he always stood out, always shone a bit brighter than the rest. But now he seemed content to sit back and watch. It was almost as if our roles had been reversed completely.

And for a moment, I felt guilty – I knew nothing about this man, a boy I had once claimed to love. I knew nothing but the pain I saw written across his carefully controlled face, and for the very first time in my life, I regretted leaving him the way I did.

But then the sharp throbbing in my chest snapped me back to life. None of his pain could possibly be my fault. He had ended it. He had walked away from me. Whatever he was suffering from… had nothing to do with me – our relationship was far behind the both of us; only a flickering candle long extinguished. What we had once been was nothing faded memories and sharply inked tattoos. I needed to stop blaming myself for things so clearly beyond my control.

When Alice excused herself to go to the bathroom, Jasper threw his arm over the back of my chair.

"How you holdin' up?" he asked quietly as Emmett and Rosalie began arguing over the benefits of dual-exhaust or something equally mundane.

I glanced over at Jazz quickly and nodded slightly. "I'm okay."

"You sure?"

"I swear. So, are you staying with Alice tonight?" I knew Jasper had to work in the morning, but he hadn't spent the night at Alice's since Thursday. I wondered how much Edward's presence would factor in on his decision to go back over there.

I watched as Jasper's eyes cut quickly across the table. "Probably not," he muttered.

I frowned. "Jasper, don't-"

He cut me off with a sharp shake of his head. "It's fine." His arm dropped from the back of my chair as Alice came bouncing back to the table. Guilt settled deep in the pit of my stomach. I wished that for once in my life Jasper didn't have to sacrifice his happiness for me. It was such a fucking downer.

Jake drew all our attention to him when he hopped up from his chair and slammed an empty beer bottle down on the table.

"Well, I'm outta here kids," he said, nodding towards the table as he pulled on a leather jacket. I thought it was kind of funny how he could get away with calling us kids though he was the youngest one here. He seemed mature beyond his years. Most of the time.

"Girls, I'll be around tomorrow so don't worry about cleaning up here tonight."

"Aw, thanks Jakey," Alice cooed in a sarcastically sweet voice. "You're the best."

"I know this." His face stretched out into a wide, happy grin. "I'll see you all around tomorrow, alright? Peace, fuckers. No drinking and driving, you hear?"

"Bye, Jake." We all waved as he grabbed his helmet from behind the bar and disappeared out the door.

Alice let out a breath and looked around the empty bar. "Well, looks like it's an early night, huh? I'm ready to go home if you guys are." I watched as her gaze lingered on Jasper.

Jasper got to his feet, sweeping Alice up into his arms. "I'll take you home, m'lady."

"How? Piggyback ride?" Alice giggled.

"That or I throw you in the back of the Mustang and push you home."

"The Mustang?" I glanced up. By the look on Edward's face, he hadn't meant to speak out loud. My heart rate sped as I realized Edward would know all about Jasper's history with a 1969 Mustang. Besides me, cars were were about the only thing Jasper and Edward had in common.

Jasper seemed to realize this too as he nodded slowly, an uneasiness in his eyes. "Um… yeah. 1969 convertible."

Edward seemed to be at a loss for words, so he only nodded and finished off his beer. Luckily, Alice broke the tension.

"It's no Volvo though, huh E?"

This time, it was my eyes that widened. The Volvo? He still drove one? A whole new round of memories stirred, and I felt a flush creeping up my neck as I remembered Edward's silver car, dark leather, and a cramped backseat. I turned away before my blush betrayed me.

"Uh… yeah," Edward said awkwardly.

"A Volvo?" Emmett cracked up. "Dude, you have a grandpa's name and a grandma's car… how the fuck do you ever get laid?"

I cringed away, not wanting to hear his response. I wondered what Emmett would say if I told him that car had gotten him laid… multiple times… in one night... by a girl in this very room. I burst out laughing, then covered my mouth with my hand in horror. Shit, shit, shit.

Jasper was looking at me, his eyes narrowed, and Edward gaped at me in shock. I had a feeling that both of them were thinking along the same lines and me. I turned toward the back of the bar, mumbling something about having to use the bathroom, making an escape before things could possibly get any more awkward.

I mentally screamed every swear word I knew as I stood in the bathroom trying to compose myself. This was not going to work. This was so not going to work. We were going to have to come up with a new tactic because this was so not going to work.

I just fucking prayed that it wasn't already too late.

x.x.x

---

A/N: Reviews are better than dark leathery back seats of Volvos