Chapter 16: Into the Night, part I

This chapter bounces around a little bit time-wise – thought I'd warn you so you don't get too confused while reading.

And, as always, thank you to my badass beta :)


Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget

The Eagles - Hotel California

x.x.x

I don't know how it happened, but suddenly I was on the ground. My palms were muddy; I could feel thick dirt streaked across my forehead and clumped in my tangled hair. I was on my knees, and I pushed myself up off my elbows and I ran. I ran down the road, through the ditches, the meadow, the tall grass, the trees. The scenery was a blur as I shot past, faster than I ever thought I could move. Farther and farther… closer and closer. Sharp, dry branches snapped and scraped my skin as I pushed through the forest, my feet pushed against the spongy ground; a mixture of dead leaves, moss, and moist soil. Blood trickled down my arms and my face. My legs pumped hard, my muscles burned, my lungs were on fucking fire. But I was running far and fast from everything and despite the heaviness in my chest my feet were light, hardly touching ground as they took me away from that place. Away from them, their control, their demands, their incessant need to shape me into something I wasn't. Something I'd never be. And I could smell the smoke chasing me and feel the white-hot light of the fire burning somewhere behind me, destroying everything in its path. It chased me, blazing closer and closer, no matter how fast I moved or how far I went. Behind me, the forest was glowing an eerie orange, and the path ahead of me grew darker and darker with each step. I needed to fly. Away. Far away. Because if I stopped, for even just a moment, the fire that was chasing me would burn me alive. But soon, very soon it would catch me. And soon, we'd all go up in flames.

x.x.x

Bella.

"Bella."

A light was on and suddenly I was sitting and gasping, my chest heaving, my heart racing as I fought for a breath. I could feel the sweat on my forehead and in my hair, my trembling hands cupped my face, my fingers wiped away beads of moisture. My eyes darted around me, unfocused, seeing nothing but fuzzy shapes surrounding me. I opened my mouth to scream. We had to leave; we had to get out now. There'd been a fire. What had happened to the fire?

"Bella? Are you… okay?"

Something moved beneath me and I realized I was sitting on a blanket. On a bed. Alice's bed. My breathing began to calm, and slowly I looked up as I began to get my bearings straight. I blinked a few times, and began to register Edward's face before me, his brows drawn together in concern, his eyes wide with worry. He chewed his lip as he moved towards me, his motions cautious, like he was afraid of startling me or something.

"I'm okay," I wheezed, my hand on my chest, my heart still beating furiously beneath it. "What…?" I began, staring at him in confusion. I cleared my throat, my mouth dry from sleep. What in the fucking hell had just happened to me?

"You… fell asleep?" he offered, but his tone was questioning, as if he really had no clue himself.

I nodded as I swallowed hard. A dream. I'd been dreaming. Then I began to remember… the silent car ride home, the awkward dinner on the patio, Edward's questioning eyes as I left him standing in the kitchen when I came upstairs to lay down a while before I started getting ready for the party…

I looked up and met his gaze, and I felt the tears begin to pool in my eyes and I blinked and suddenly he was there next to me, his hand rubbing soothing circles on my back.

"Are you okay?" he asked finally, scanning my face apprehensively. He seemed nervous… or afraid.

I cleared my throat as I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand. I stared down at my lap, feeling ridiculously embarrassed. "Yeah. Uh… I just had a weird dream I guess."

"Oh." He sighed. "Okay." Again, with the nervousness.

When I looked back up, I saw it – the anguish in his eyes as he just stared at me, not knowing what to do or what to say. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep, shaky breath as my trembling fingers found his. And he just sat there, letting me hold his hand, letting me calm down.

I'd panicked back at the store.

I'd hardly uttered a word to him since we'd returned.

And he was still here, worried, comforting me.

And I realized how terrible of a person I was. I was scared as all hell, and for this first time in a long time, it was affecting somebody other than me and Jasper and our naive way of life and it made me feel like shit. I'd always been responsible for my own actions, but it had never affected anyone else before, and if it had, we just didn't care. It hadn't been like this, not in a long time. I stared at Edward as he stared at me and I felt like I was standing on the brink of something huge, careening over the edge, only I didn't know if I'd end up plummeting down to the dark abyss below or somehow achieving liftoff. But I had to choose. Because I couldn't put him through this – I couldn't put myself through this. Not again.

I opened my eyes, and we simply just stared at each other. I thought maybe I'd find my answer in his intense gaze, but instead of the clarity I was seeking, my panic only increased. I was afraid to speak, unsure of what to say. And he… he just looked so helpless. Defeated. But he didn't look surprised… he looked like maybe this was what he'd expected of me all along.

Deep down, I knew something was really wrong. I searched his familiar eyes, the same eyes I'd dreamt of for five years. But I had to wonder if I was so blind that I couldn't see how much he changed. I couldn't see anything but the man I wanted to see – the man I'd left behind in Florida.

And maybe I couldn't admit it to myself, but I knew how messed up he really was. Maybe not the full extent… but I got the picture. That scar on his ribs wasn't the only clue I had suggesting he'd been through some serious shit. Hell, he'd told me that'd he'd made some seriously destructive choices over the last five years, and I heard Jake's story about the girl he'd brought to the party last year. And although I couldn't let that sway my decision – I wanted it to be about the person he was now, not the person he'd been – it was still there, in the back of my mind. Because… how was I supposed to know that person was truly gone?

And it all scared the crap out of me. Because… I'd never had to deal with someone else's pain before. It was always mine, always me. Yeah, Jasper went through hell as a kid, but he never let me shoulder any of the burden, not even once. It was always my loss, my parent's death, my loneliness and bitterness and anger at the world. It was me who needed the hugs and me who needed someone to tell them that it's all gonna be all right. But Edward needed me. And I had to be there for him. Because I… I cared about him. Too damn much. More than I was willing to admit.

And maybe he hadn't been there for me when my parent's died, but he he'd tried. I could see that now. His mom bringing me clothes… it probably had something to do with him. In fact, it probably had a lot to do with him. Elizabeth never would have been able to pick out the perfect flannel shirt and my favorite fit of Levi's like she had. Hell, she'd even managed to find a pack of my favorite pair of Costco socks, the grey ones that didn't leave black lint between my toes and didn't look obviously dirty when I ran around in the yard with no shoes on. She'd found the ones that didn't stretch halfway up my calves and weren't the short annoying ankle socks either. And I hadn't seen it before, maybe because I never really thought about it, but it had been Edward. All of it. He'd been trying to tell me the entire time but I'd been too wrapped up in my own damn pain to even notice.

Edward had tried, even when I'd pushed him away. Even when I was too damn oblivious to see it. And he came to the funeral, even though I couldn't stand to look at him. And he tried to talk to me, he tried pull me aside and just hug me. It was all I needed and all he wanted and I'd pushed him away. Practically screamed for help and went running to Jasper's welcoming embrace.

I pushed him away. It's what I did. In five years, I'd only been able to hold onto three things: Jasper, my guitar, and a drawing that had become a tattoo. And for some reason, I was convinced it was all I needed. Only pieces of my past – never the whole thing.

I wondered if I really thought about it, if I could go back and pick out every single time I'd chosen Jasper over Edward. Probably not. Because it was probably too many to count. And yet Edward… Edward had stuck with me.

And I didn't deserve it.

But the question was – did I have to choose between them, one last time? Or could I have it all?

"I'm sorry," I breathed finally.

His fingers stilled. He was silent. Because he had no idea what I was apologizing for. Hell, I didn't know what I was apologizing for.

For panicking?

…Or for finally letting him go?

x.x.x

I stood by the bar, nervous, playing with my hair and tugging on the hem of my dress. My heart was beating faster than usual, my blood pounding in my ears with anticipation. Everything around me was moving too fast, or too slow. I couldn't decide. But everything seemed off. My dress was too short, the music too loud, my heels too tall, my hair too... styled. It was all so wrong. I just needed him, I needed to see him because I needed to be convinced I wasn't completely losing it. I needed to see him to know I was doing the right thing. I downed another shot of whiskey with Emmett to try and calm myself, but the alcohol seemed to be having a slower effect than usual. Or else I was unusually anxious. Or both.

I could feel Emmett watching me, and I looked everywhere but at him. Because in the few weeks I'd known Emmett, I've come to realize he's not the dumb sack of bricks he wanted people to think he was. He was perceptive. And he was smart.

"One more?"

I nodded, my gaze fixed across the room, watching Alice as she wove through the crowd and mingled with her guests. She had a delicate, tall-necked glass in her hand filled with a bright pink liquid, which she held about her head as she danced through the crowds, smiling with bright red lips and a matching dress, waving to people as she passed. I couldn't help but smile to myself. It was so Alice.

She had been so kind to me… far kinder than I deserved. She came upstairs after Edward left, and she'd rolled around on the floor laughing at my present for her. She'd laughed the entire time she re-laced an old pair of Nike's she pulled from her bag with the spiral laces I'd bought her. Then she curled my hair and pinned it up as I sat in front of the mirror in her bathroom and carefully applied my make-up. She hadn't even asked a single question about what had happened between Edward and I though I knew she was dying to. Hell she'd made the goddamn dress I'd been too busy bitching about to even appreciate.

And it was her birthday.

What was it with people being so unrelentingly generous around here? It was making me feel like a bigger and bigger bitch every second.

I looked around the room as I anxiously tapped my bitten-down fingernail on the smooth surface of the bar. Alice's party was unlike anything I'd ever seen. I felt like I was standing in the middle of the club, one of those classy club like they showed on all those teen dramas on TV, with the elegant dim lighting and the expensive-looking drinks in expensive-looking glasses. (I was sticking to whiskey, thank you very much.) The huge doors between the living room and backyard were rolled open so guests could stand out on the patio and smoke and drink and dance in the moonlight or just gaze at the nighttime reflections on the smooth lake water. And the interior of the cabin was hardly recognizable beneath all the lights and guests and decorations. It looked amazing.

I was startled when the bartender sat two empty shot glasses on the counter and filled them for us. Emmett picked them both up and handed me mine.

"Relax, Swan," he said, his voice low.

I threw back the shot, ignoring the way the whiskey burned my throat. I shook myself and slammed the empty glass back on the bar.

"I'm fine," I growled.

He just chuckled. "If you say so. Come on, let's dance. I need to warm up before Rose gets here."

I managed a half-smile as I slowly shook my head and allowed him to lead me out to the middle of the dance floor. Not a lot of people were dancing yet, though the night was still young.

Emmett took my hand in his and pulled me to him, his hand covering my entire lower back. I felt like a child standing this close to him. He dwarfed me.

"So, what's got you so on edge there sister?" he asked, lowering his face to my ear as we began to sway to the music. But he didn't wait for me to reply before asking, "Trouble in paradise? Already?"

"No," I replied sharply, faster than I intended.

He just laughed, pulling me closer.

"You know, Jasper said something kind of strange to me the other day."

"Did he?" I asked, pretending to be uninterested.

"Yeah. He didn't mean to, it just kind of slipped out."

"Oh?"

I could feel Emmett laugh, and I knew I wasn't doing a very good job of playing it off.

"He was working late the other night, and he was in a rush to get out of there. I asked him what the hurry was, because let's be honest, we both know I love bustin' that man's balls." Emmett glanced down at me with a mischievous smirk. I rolled my eyes, but watched him carefully.

"Anyway, he said that he needed to get back to the bar, something about you working and him not trusting a certain someone. I asked him what he meant by that, and he just kind of muttered something about 'not letting that sorry excuse for a human break your heart twice'."

"Uh-huh…" I didn't see where he was going with this. If he was trying to imply he'd figured out this whole mess before Jake had let it slip, well whoop-de-fucking-do. Congrats, Em. Gold star for you.

"So anyway, I'm thinking that a certain best friend of yours isn't exactly going to be ecstatic to hear the news, now is he?"

The uneasiness that had settled in my stomach increased tenfold and I drew in a sharp breath and looked away.

And that's why I needed to see him.

Because I needed to know I was making the right decision.

...Where the hell was he?

"It doesn't matter, Emmett."

Emmett shook his head, obviously understanding but not choosing to listen. "Look, Bella, you don't have to lie to me. And I know you are. It's what we do. Why else do you think we're all here, together? We've pushed people away our whole lives. That's why we bonded. So just… don't lie."

I rubbed my forehead, trying to sort though my jumbled thoughts. Then I reached down wrapped my hand around Emmett's arm, pulling him off the dance floor, into the shadows of the corner of the room. I didn't know how to explain it to him. I didn't even know what there was to explain. I hated that Edward and I always had to be defending our relationship or whatever it was. I wanted to just be. But hell, maybe it never would.

When I stopped I slouched back against the wall, my eyes raised to the ceiling. I could feel Emmett waiting expectantly. I let out a long breath and met his gaze.

"Emmett, you've never been in love. I wish I could give you a better explanation then that, but I can't. It's something you have to feel; something that can't be explained. I know you don't understand… but if I can't have him… I'll never love anyone. He's it for me, Emmett."

"Yeah but… who's it for you, Bella? Edward? Or Jasper? Because you can't have your cake and eat it too, sweetheart."

I started thinking out loud, knowing I wasn't really answering his question, but needing to get it off my chest all the same. "It's just… I wasn't looking at all this the right way before. I've been so blind, this entire time. But I get it now. And…" I broke off midsentence, my voice trailing off as something over Emmett's shoulder caught my attention.

Something tall and copper and disheveled and…

My breath froze in my chest. And then I smiled.

x.x.x

Edward.

Earlier…

I was pacing. Again.

This time it was the upstairs hallway. People were beginning to arrive, music and laughter drifted up from downstairs. Bella was still in Alice's room where they'd gotten ready together. Now Alice was running around, trying to capture Jake and Emmett's attention long enough to get them to go and change. Which meant Bella was in Alice's room. Alone. And although we'd talked earlier, and she'd explained her sudden, overwhelming panic at the situation, I was still nervous.

Because as we drove back to the cabin from the store, I was convinced she was a goner. I was sure that she'd realized how terrible of an idea all this was and that she was going to pack up her bags and disappear without a trace. Again.

But all she wanted was time. A few hours to talk herself out of the panic she was in. So I gave it to her. But now I was done waiting.

I didn't know how long I sat downstairs drinking with the guys while Al and Bella had their girl time. All that I knew was that it was torture – wondering what she was thinking, terrified she was going to leave. I didn't know her well enough anymore to be able to tell for sure. And even then… Bella was unpredictable. It was one of her greatest qualities, but sometimes it made me one nervous fucker. And as I sat on the patio with Jake and Emmett, Jake practically dangling a bag of coke in my fucking face, I'd made my decision – if she'd have me, I'd give it to her. Everything. All that I had. Because when I looked across the table at Jake and saw that glint of light in his eyes, the fabricated euphoria, I realized I couldn't be that person again. Not now, not ever.

It wouldn't be easy – it never had been. But I was so past that shit it wasn't even funny. I was ready to move one.

And now… now I had to see her.

So slowly, I raised my hand and I knocked.

There was a few seconds delay before I heard her call, "Come in," from the other side of the door.

And I smiled. Just her voice alone made my stomach do stupid flips that it didn't do for anyone else in the world.

I wiped my palms on my pants, than ran my fingers through my hair and twisted the knob, pushing the door open.

The room was dim, and I could still faintly smell something citrusy – hairspray, maybe? – diffusing through the air. It took me a second to find her, then I realized she was out on the patio, waving me over while she took a drag on her cigarette, the ember burning brightly in the fading light. Our eyes met across the room and she smiled and I grinned and I felt like a complete idiot as I blindly reached behind me to close the door, unable to remove my gaze from hers.

I made me way towards her, and when I finally unlocked my eyes from hers and looked at her, like really looked at her, I nearly froze in my tracks.

She looked absolutely fucking gorgeous.

Her hair was pinned up, revealing the intricate tattoo on the back of her neck. My tattoo. The odd curl fell down her neck and trailed against her shoulders, and I realized it was the first time I'd seen her with her hair up, and although I usually preferred hair long and down and flowing, but just goddaaaaamn. Her eyes were smoky and dark, her dress was short and gold, her legs long and tan.

And my God this just proved how fucking much she'd grown up. She was a woman; a stunning, breathtaking, woman.

It was simply beyond words. And I was sure my mouth was probably hanging open as I gawked because I'd never seen a girl wear something like that and somehow still look that elegant and classy and downright sexy all at the same time.

She was a fucking goddess.

And I was fucking staring.

She caught me looking and bit her lip, and looked down at the dress, embarrassed. "It's a little much, isn't it?"

I snapped out of my trance I somehow forced my gaze to meet hers. I let out a breath and opened my mouth to reply but nothing came out.

Speak, I commanded myself. Don't stand here like a blubbering idiot, Cullen, use your fucking words.

I shook my head furiously, and cleared my through. "No," I breathed, "No, you look… stunning, Bella. Wow." I let out another breath and looked up at her and smiled.

She smiled back, and I closed the distance between us, pulling her into my chest for a hug. She smelt like perfection: strawberries and vanilla and a little something else that made my knees weak and my heart thump obnoxiously against my ribcage.

"Thanks," she sighed against my chest. When she pulled away, she looked down at her dress again and shook her head. "It's been a long time since I've worn something this nice. But Alice can be a little… forceful." She laughed.

"You're telling me," I grinned. "She's been known to be a bit of a tyrant at times."

"It's… endearing."

I shook my head and laughed at her attempted diplomacy. "Not when you live with her."

"No, I suppose not," she agreed with a smile. Then she eyed my outfit with a frown. "Hey, how come you're not dressed up?"

"Alice is still trying to decide what I'm going to wear," I chuckled, rolling my eyes. "Like I said, tyrant."

"Is she ever going to stop long enough to actually enjoy her birthday?"

"Eventually. Once she's satisfied that we all look perfect, I suppose."

She smiled and took one last drag of her cigarette, putting it out in the ashtray sitting on the railing. "This really is a beautiful place," she said, looking around her.

"Only the best for Aunt Esme," I agreed with a sigh. Small talk. I fucking hated small talk. Especially when I'd come up here to get answers. But I promised myself I wouldn't push her… promised myself I'd let her make that first move.

Bella raised her eyebrows. "Really? She didn't come off like that when I met her—"

"Oh no," I said quickly, realize how she must have interpreted my reply. "She's not like that, I just mean that… this is what she does: designing, building, renovating…" I motioned to the high, peaked ceilings with the tall picturesque windows framing all the wonderful greenery northern Washington had to offer. "She spent years working on this place. She has amazing taste, and that can come at a bit of a price, but this place… it's… it's perfect." I shrugged. There really was no other way to describe it.

Bella hummed and nodded in agreement. "It really is. But if she spent so long designing this place, why don't her and Carlisle live here? I mean, it's not that far from Forks."

"True. But, it wouldn't be their vacation home and they wouldn't appreciate it as much if they lived here everyday. It just wouldn't be the same."

"Like, how our night last night wouldn't have been so special if we'd spent every morning waking up in each other's arms?" Bella asked, smirking mischievously.

I stared at her, feeling the hope swell in my chest at her words. "So you…?" I let the question hang between us.

"This." She tapped the back of her neck with her pointer finger. "This is my answer. It's you, Edward. It's always been you. And I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled and it was like the weight I'd been carrying around all afternoon just jumped right off my shoulders. Before I knew what I was doing, I'd picked her up and was hugging her tight. "Are you scared?" I whispered into her neck.

"Terrified."

I sighed in relief as I set her down. "Thank god. Me too. I'm terrified… I'm terrified of doing this, of fucking it all up, of where this is all heading. I'm scared of you running, of you hating me…"

She opened up her mouth to protest but I cut her off, smiling and shaking my head. Because she really had no idea, and I didn't want to have that conversation tonight. Soon, but not tonight.

"You know that terrible cliché, the one about fear meaning you have something to lose?" I asked her. "Well, I think that's exactly what this is. I'm fucking terrified of losing you, Bella. But not so much that I could bear letting you go."

"I know and… I'm sorry for letting my fear get the best of me earlier," she said quietly. "I think I just realized exactly all that I'm going to be losing by giving up my old lifestyle. It's sad. I mean, I'm going to miss it. But not enough to make me want to leave you. And I just want to thank you for understanding, Edward. Really, it means so much to me."

I half-smiled as I leaned against the railing and gazed into her eyes. "I'm not going to lie, it scared the hell out of me, Bella. I really thought you were going to take off on me… Just please don't do that to me again."

"I won't." She stepped closer, her lips nearing mine. "I promise. I guess… I guess I thought that I'd lived on the run for so long, it's how it would always have to be. If you never give me a reason to leave… I'll be here. No matter what anybody says or does, I'll stay. I feel safe with you, Edward. And I think that if I talk to Jasper – if we do this the right way – it's all going to work out. I can have him and have you… I have to. Because I won't choose."

"I'd never make you."

"I know." She smiled, then kissed me. "So… too bad Jazz and Rose can't make it 'till later, huh?" I blinked at her in shock for a moment before I noticed the mischievous glint in her eyes.

I rolled my eyes. "It's just… heartbreaking." We looked at each other and laughed. Jasper had called Alice earlier to let us know he and Rose would be delayed a few hours, trouble at the shop or something. I felt a little bad for Alice, because I knew she was trying to act like she wasn't as disappointed as she really was – but in all honesty, I was relieved as hell. Bella and I could use the few hours grace to get our heads on straight before the big reveal. Because that was going to be a blast…

I kissed Bella back then pulled her in for another hug. "But I should go get ready," I sighed into her hair. "I'll see you downstairs, all right?"

She let out a long breath. "Okay," she said quietly.

"I'll see you soon," I promised. "Save me a dance, all right?" I winked.

She smiled. "All right."

But I was rooted to the spot. I literally had to force myself to move away from her, towards the door. I concentrated on every step that took me closer to the door, and every step left me feeling more and more empty. Like I was pulling myself away from a burning fire on a freezing night.

"Edward?"

I stopped and turned to face her. "Yeah?"

She had her arms wrapped around her middle, and she was watching me with a strange look on her face. I waited curiously for what she wanted.

"We can do this, right?"

"Absolutely," I promised. I wished I could say more to calm her fears about Jasper's reaction, but I didn't know what the fuck to expect myself. "I'll see you downstairs, okay?"

She nodded, her eyes not leaving mine as I backed out of the room. Away from the light, away from the warmth. By the time I'd shut the door behind me and collapsed against the wall in the hallway, I felt like a very large part of me was missing, like I'd left it behind in that room with her.

x.x.x

Bella.

I smiled.

I watched Edward from across the room. He was approaching the party, a confident grin playing on his lips as he ran a hand through his tousled hair, eyes scanning the scene before him, looking around as if he was enjoying his own private joke. Two guys I didn't recognize greeted him, one dark-haired man and a man with dirty-blonde hair secured back in a ponytail. They shook hands with Edward and man-hugged and laughed like old friends. My smile grew as I watched him, Emmett and the music and the rest of the part fading away into the background.

He was just so goddamn yummy cover of GQ perfect, from his simple, fitted black suit, black tie, white dress shirt, his spiky messy hair, eyes sparkling in the light. He was classic and elegant and perfect. His face was clean-shaven; a light tan flushed his cheeks, the perfect strong angles of his face even more defined in the low lighting. He had one hand on one of the guys shoulder, and he leaned in and laughed, the smiling lighting up his face. In his other hand he held a glass filled with ice and amber whiskey.

I watched as he grinned and his eyes swept the party again and I automatically stepped away from Emmett, out of the shadows, that force pulling me towards him. It was undeniable, so beyond my control. And I knew that there was absolutely no decision to be made anymore. This was how it was supposed to be. This giddiness, this lightness… there was no denying it. This was right.

The moment I stepped forward his eyes met mine and his face broke into the biggest grin that over took his entire face, and everything around us just slipped away. He nodded to his friends and sidestepped away from them. He began to make his way towards me, his eyes never leaving mine, his smile never fading.

When we met halfway, I beamed up at him, he grinned down at me.

"Hi," I said, breathless.

"Hey," he replied, bending down to kiss my cheek, his soft lips lingering on my skin as he inhaled. I smiled against him.

Christ… He smelt so… good.

I gathered myself, tugging playfully on his tie. "I've never quite seen a man pull off a suit like you, Mr. Cullen."

"Oooh, you have no idea," he growled, pulling away slowly. His green eyes sparkled as they met mine.

I grabbed both sides of his suit jacket, running my thumbs along the expensive fabric.

"I can't believe she didn't try to coordinate us."

"Oh believe me, she tried. I came out on top, for once. I think she let me win though."

"Let you win?"

"I think she's feeling sorry for me."

"Why?" I laughed.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "She's weird like that sometimes. I feel like she's apologizing for something she hasn't even done yet."

"That is weird."

He shrugged. "Alice is weird."

I just grinned, unable to remove my eyes from his. "This is quite the party."

"It is."

"Do you know all these people?" I looked around at all the unfamiliar faces. I had assumed I would know most of the people from working at the bar, but there were very few recognizable faces in the crowd.

"No," he admitted, taking a sip of his drink. He swallowed and shrugged. "Not really. A few of my buddies from college are here, like Andy and Derek, those guys I was talking to when I came down here. And I know some of Al's girlfriends from the city, but there are way too many fucking names for me to remember. Alice has a massive network of contacts, and apparently everybody showed up tonight."

I smiled. "So you're trying to tell me this room is like ninety-percent fashion designers?"

"More or less."

"Wow. I see why Alice was so insistent on dressing me up."

Edward shrugged. "It's her thing – and it's her birthday, so we let her have her fun." He lowered his voice, leaning in closer. "By the way, that dress is goddamn sexy as hell, Bella. It's like Alice was planning on torturing me."

The grittiness of his words had me shivering, and I stared at his tie as my fingers toyed with the fabric. Oh how I wished we were at the point in our relationship where we could run upstairs for a quickie in his bedroom before the party was in full swing. I bit my lip as I seriously considered yanking on the tie between my fingers and dragging him into some unused bedroom. I really didn't want our first time back together to be some huge event anyway. This way… it'd take some of the pressure off our relationship. Or, that's what I tried to tell myself.

But I sighed, knowing we just weren't ready for it… not yet. I changed the subjected before I managed to talk myself into it. "So… you were saying something about college friends? I'd love to meet them."

Edward grinned as he pulled back, and a strange look crossed his face. "Sure, maybe later. Just… don't listen to everything they say. They're pretty immature and they can kind of be assholes. You know, college guys." He rolled his eyes and waved it off, as if that explained everything.

"You were a college guy."

"And I was an immature asshole."

"But not anymore?"

"Not anymore. Now, let's dance, shall we?" His hand found the small of my back, and he guided me through the crowd to the dance floor, which had become immensely more packed since Emmett and I had been dancing only minutes ago.

I smiled up at him as he turned to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. The beginning notes of I Won't Look Back by Needtobreathe started playing over the speakers, and Edward swayed us gently back and forth to the beat. The beautiful piano melody swept around us, wrapping us closer together, my hands locked around his neck as I settled into his body.

"I love this song."

"You would," he murmured, his lips at my ear.

I shivered and smiled, melting into his arms. "It's just so perfect," I breathed.

I could feel his smile against my skin, and he kissed me softly. "Sing it for me."

"No way," I laughed, then looked at him and realized he was fucking serious. "Edward... that's fucking lame."

"So?" He gave me that stupid crooked-grin, his eyebrows raised, his bottom lip jutted out. "Sing. Who the hell cares?"

"I care," I muttered. His pout grew, and I rolled my eyes and sighed, hating how much of a pushover I was around him. I closed my eyes, letting the music sweep me away, feeling far more relaxed and happy than I had in a long time.

"Love, love isn't always love, the way that we mean. Just like you are right now is all, all that I need," I sang softly against his neck, just like I used to; shy and bashful but unable to deny him. We used to dance like this all night, soft and swaying, so caught up in each other, time dissolving around us.

"Just like you are right now is all, all that I need."

He sighed. "You have such a beautiful voice."

I looked down, a smile on my lips. "Let's start over, don't be afraid, 'cause I won't keep track. Lets climb to the top if you won't look down, I won't look back." I let the music carry me, sweeping me up, high and soft, slow and lovely.

Edward pulled me to him, lifting me off the floor as he spun us in the slowest, most beautiful of circles.

"Love, love isn't always love, the kind you hold. I will here waiting if you, you can let go." His voice mixed with mine, low and full and beautiful and soft.

"Let's start over, don't be afraid, 'cause I won't keep track. Let's climb to the top, if you won't look down, I won't look back."

Maybe we were complete cheesy idiots, dancing and singing quietly to each other. I knew I'd be making fun of myself if it all didn't feel so right. I hummed as I listened to him, wishing I could catch the moment, the sound and the feel, and lock it away. Because moments like this were classic and rare and too lovely to let go.

How long had it been since I'd danced with him? Too long. Far too long. I usually didn't admit it – Jasper always teased me that it went against my whole hippie flower-child vibe – but I was a fucking sucker for slow dances. And, depending on my alcohol intake, I was a sucker for dancing in general.

"I can't believe you know the words," I smiled.

My feet touched the ground but kept spinning us slowly.

"I was curious, that night after you sang their song at the bar. I listened to a couple of their songs after I tossed you into my bed; I wanted to know if they were as good as you made them sound."

"And how did I do?"

He smiled, his lips trailing softly down my neck, to my collarbone. I shivered again in delight. He looked up at me, his eyelashes long against his brow, his eyes intense and smiling.

"You know everything sounds like garbage in comparison to your voice." The song ended and switched to something faster, but he tightened his grip on me, burying his face in my neck.

"You're so beautiful, Isabella Marie Swan."

I blushed, running my fingers along the exposed skin at the back of his neck. "You're beautiful, Edward Anthony Cullen," I murmured.

He groaned, his lips brushing my collarbone. "Can't we just ditch?" he hummed gently. "Nobody will even miss us down here. We have a perfectly vacant guesthouse that's ours for the taking. Away from the music… the crowd… just you and me…" He pulled his face back, his bottom lip drawn out into a pout, his eyes boring into mine, as if he could force the words out of my mouth.

And all I could think about was taking that damn full bottom lip between my teeth. I considered it, all of it, sneaking away, spending the night in his arms again, waiting on the sunrise. It was tempting, oh so tempting…

"We can't," I whimpered. "It's Alice's birthday…"

"She'll have another one next year. We'll celebrate that one with her," he murmured, his lips back on my neck.

I let my head fall back slightly, my eyes falling shut, just simply loving the feel of those lips on my skin, his hot breath so close it was melting me into a puddle on the dance floor.

"But…"

I was having trouble coming up with a valid excuse.

In fact, I was having trouble thinking at all.

He pulled my body closer, so that nearly every inch of my body was covered by him. We were rocking to the beat of a completely different song. A heated blush crept up my neck, and I felt a soft moan escape my lips.

"Keep the sex for the bedrooms you fucking perverts."

We both tensed and snapped to attention when we heard Jake's loud, joking voice as he brushed past us with Jessica Stanley on his arm. I narrowed my eyes at him and he laughed loudly, shaking his head as he led her to the middle of the dance floor.

"You know, I've always wanted to kill that motherfucker," Edward growled.

I giggled.

"Serves us right, really." I bit my lip and pouted. "What are we gonna do when Jasper gets here?"

Edward chuckled and shook his head. "You can always just leave that to me."

"Edward," I frowned, hooking my finger under his chin and pulling it gently so he was looking at me. "All that I ask is that you be a little bit sensitive to the situation."

"Oh, like the way he was being sensitive to mine when he tossed my ass down your front porch?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Come on, Bella, what do you think is gonna happen? You can't just hide this shit from him, because there is no way in hell I'm keeping my hands off you just because he's around."

I sighed and opened my mouth to reply, but he cut me off.

"And he's screwing my cousin and I haven't said shit about it, so he's just going to have to deal."

"It's not the same Edward."

He pulled back, narrowing his eyes at me. "I thought we've been through this already. Like, a thousand times."

I exhaled slowly. "Yeah… I know." I hated this feeling in my chest, this feeling of being torn, and I felt like that at any second Jasper was going to walk in here and see I'd completely blown the one thing he trusted me the most with.

"I wish you were a little more sure about this, you know."

"I am sure, Edward! It's just fucking hard, all right? Please, can we not talk about it right now? Let's got get a drink and dance or something, please?"

He nodded slowly, and led me off the dance floor, his body stiff. I growled with frustration. Ten minutes. Edward and me could have ten minutes of beautiful, complete bliss before one of us had to go and fucking blow it.

Maybe he was right. Maybe we should just ditch and save ourselves this drama.

"They're not going to be here for a while, anyway," Edward muttered as he gathered our drinks. I looked up from the spot I'd been staring at on the floor for the past few minutes as we stood in silence at the bar. He was watching me, a crease between his eyebrows, but his face was softer than his words. The disappointment flashed in his eyes, although I could tell he was tying to mask it.

I sighed. "I know. So let's just… relax. Have fun..." I tilted my head to the side, smiling lightly. "…Get drunk."

He smiled back, and this time it was less forced. "That's my girl." He handed me my drink, then draped his arm over my shoulder, a grin stretching across his face as he gazed down at me. "Although, I will warn you – don't get me too drunk, angel. I still plan on stealing you away to the guesthouse later."

I looked up at him, his cocky smirk and a playful glint in those emerald eyes, a beautiful mess of bronze hair. Sometimes I had a hard time wrapping my head around what I was looking at –he was just too fucking perfect to be for real.

"Then I will be sure to monitor your alcohol intake," I replied, only half teasing.

"You've always got my back, love."

"I just enjoy the view."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, is that how it is?"

"Edward Cullen, you have a perfect ass and you know it."

"You know, the Bella I remember would blush like crazy at the mention of my perfect ass," he chuckled.

"Well, I'm not the same girl, anymore. I'm more like… Bella Swan, 2.0."

He cupped my behind in his hand, grabbing it playfully. "Well I, for one, appreciate the upgrades."

"I never doubted it for a second."

We both laughed, and he pulled me close to his side, wrapping his arm tightly around me. A few drinks, a couple shots, and many songs later, Edward and I were in the middle of the dance floor – his tie already loosened, suspenders swinging around his legs, his suit jacket left in a pile on the kitchen counter. He had his hands on my hips, that hungry look in his eye as we grinded to some dance song, the pounding bass rocking our movements. His eyes were locked on mine, and he licked his lips as he leaned in close, his lips brushing my ear.

"Daaaamn, Swan. You can really move. When did you learn how to dance?"

I pulled away as I grinned coyly up at him, brushing a stray hair off my forehead. "Hey, I lived on the road… and it sometimes paid the bills. You gotta do what you gotta do."

He looked at me blankly, and I waited from him to catch on. "You – ooooh, Bella, please tell me you're kidding."

I laughed, leaning into him and kissing his neck. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

He was still laughing when he grabbed me and pulled me into his chest, just holding me tight. And just like that our dancing slowed and we stood in the middle of the room, just completely wrapped up in each other. Every fiber of my being was entangled with him. I was breathing him in, he was the fucking air in my lungs, the oxygen keeping me alive. His touch burned my skin, sending waves of pleasure rolling through my body. I closed my eyes and melted. I'd never felt more charged, so alive, yet so at peace.

I felt like… like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

His hands were wrapped around my waist, his fingers intertwined as he held me to him. I rested my cheek against his chest, sighing deeply.

Maybe it was just me, but the world had never felt so right.

I wanted to just kick myself for second-guess all this. Because this... this was perfect.

After a moment, his fingers unlocked, and I felt one hand move up, his finger gently pulling up my chin. He moved back slightly, meeting my gaze with hooded eyes. I felt him exhale against my skin and I shivered, increasing my grip on him.

My eyes fell closed as I felt him move towards me, slowly, hesitantly. I stood still, holding myself back as his lips moved closer. He let out a shaky breath. The finger that was hooked under my chin trembled against my skin as he slowly ran his finger up my cheek. His hand cupped my face as he moved closer still.

I knew we were about to reach a point. A point where it stopped becoming about revenge and resentment and anger, and turned into something else; something passionate and fucking real.

But I couldn't fucking stop. Because maybe I'd crossed that point a long time ago. So I remained still and waited.

His lips finally brushed mine, and I pushed against him, welcoming him. He let out a strangled gasp against my lips, his other hand coming up and cupping my opposite cheek.

I gasped, breaking this kiss slightly. It was all too much -- the music, the atmosphere, the strange, new emotions pumping through my body. We both slowed the kiss until we were completely still, our lips still touching, trembling against each other. I kept my eyes closed, unable to stop myself from thinking: this is it.

And this was it. This was the point of no return. Because this was no ordinary kiss. This was passion and this was softness, and this was fucking love. This kiss… it was five years…

Five fucking years in the making.

He exhaled again, perfectly still, yet his entire body trembling against mine. I think I was the first one who began moving again. I pressed our lips harder together, and he began moving against mine, as if that were the signal to let go, to begin, that all of this was okay… and more than okay, it was perfect. It was exactly what I wanted.

I felt my heart clenching and releasing, but not in a painful way. I felt like I was filled, overflowing with emotion. I knew what I was feeling, but I tried not to think it.

"I..." his lips trembled against mine, his voice dying off. And there was this pull in my chest, and I felt like I knew exactly what he was trying to say. Because I felt it too.

But I also knew how impossible those words could be to say out loud.

So instead, I wrapped one hand around his tie and pull his face to mine, and I fucking poured everything I wanted to say, everything I was feeling into that kiss.

And I swear he was doing that same thing as he kissed me back, my face still cupped gently between his hands, his lips soft against mine.

And I don't know if it was the party, the alcohol, or maybe the buzz of the crowd around us, but the kisses soon became heated and our hands began to wander, desperate sounds began to escape our lips that had me trembling, and our bodies as close as they could get standing on a dance floor fully clothed. My head rolled back as his hand slid slowly up the back of my leg, his fingers grasping the exposed skin, or bodies rocking to the beat of the music. I whimpered as I wound my hands in his hair and kissed him harder. Occasionally our bodies would bump with those around us, but we hardly missed a beat, ignoring everything around us as we continued our heated make-out session.

But it was a sharp hiss from Emmett and then a elbow in the ribs that finally sliced through my hazy Edward-induced inebriation.

"Uuugh." I growled, pissed that someone dare interrupt our moment. I turned my head in the direction the elbow came from, my lips hardly leaving Edward's. "Fuck off, Emmett."

Emmett didn't reply, and I felt Edward suddenly tense against me. I opened my eyes and looked around in confusion, turning slowly as I looked where their gaze was fixed somewhere behind me.

My stomach dropped at the exact instant Edward took a hasty step away from me.

I blinked.

Jasper.

Shit fuck.

Well, why tell Jasper when we could just show him?

I stared right at him and he stared back at me. His face was blank for a moment as he stood frozen, his eyes bouncing back and forth between Edward and I. Then slowly his eyes narrowed into a glare that made me flinch backwards.

Alice was at his side, her mouth hanging open in what I could only assume was shock at the intensity of his reaction.

He moved as if to step forward and I help up my hand, trying to stop him. "Jasper-" My voice was breathless, my limbs shaking.

"Bella." My name sounded like a stranger's name on his lips. His voice was lower and more menacing than I'd ever heard it, and suddenly I was afraid. I was goddamn piss-my-pants terrified. Because Jasper had never used that tone with me. Jasper never used that tone with anybody.

I saw the flash of hurt, of disappointment in his eye. He glared, his jaw set in a straight line. Slowly, he shook his head as he turned away and disappeared into the crowd.

x.x.x


Trust me, I probably hate cliffies just as much as you do. I really didn't plan on leaving it there, but it just made sense... Part II of the party, including the Bella/Jasper/Edward confrontation *should* be up within a week. The lack of "action" in this chapter will be made up for in the next, I promise.

Also, for those of you who read the teaser I posted on lj, you probably noticed it didn't make the cut. It'll be in the next chapter. For those interested in searching for clues as to how it all turns out, you can wander over to my lj – a link is in my profile :)

Thank you guys so much for your reviews, favorites/alerts, pms, tweets, recs, everything… you're so fucking awesome, every one of you.