Know Your Enemy

As it turned out, Shinji's condition improved much faster than even Ritsuko could have expected. Of course, as she had told herself and others before, the pilots' injuries were, for the most part, in their heads. And the presence of Rei's daily visits to Shinji's hospital room must have motivated his conscience to improve at a quickened pace.

"So. . ." Misato said casually to Ritsuko, while catching up on her pile of paperwork. "They're like– together now?"

"Don't be silly, it's Rei. The thought is almost funny," Ritsuko said. "Their time together is painfully formal." Neither statement was a strict lie. The thought of a doll like Rei 'falling in love' was laughable. On the other hand, Rei had to pick someone– it was hardwired into her by the Scub Coral. 'Well,' Ritsuko told herself, 'I suppose humans are the same way. We need someone.' She was thinking back to the countless nights she had spent in Nerv's upper offices with 'him'.

And the two pilots' visits were as innocent as a play date– and much less affectionate than anything between 'friends'. Rei– along with every other non-patient or nurse/doctor– had to be escorted through the Nerv hospital wing whenever she came to visit Shinji. This was official policy, but Rei had been at Nerv so long that no one bothered to enforce the rule anymore, and Rei didn't bother following it. However, Dr. Akagi had taken it upon herself to reinstate this old rule, and used Shinji's 'routine check-ups' as an excuse to chaperone the two pilots' visits.

Each visit was essential identical. Rei would sit down and Shinji would sit up– immediately to protest her needing to visit. "You really shouldn't bother– ah, Rei." Shinji would always stumble over his words, and shoot a glance at the doctor, before saying his fellow pilot's first name.

Then, Rei would remind him, "I came to deliver the handouts from school, and explain the lesson."

"That's okay!" Shinji would continue– you'd almost think he hated having Rei there, when it was the exact opposite. "You can just leave the hand outs h–"

"Falling behind would inhibit your duties here," Rei cut across him. That would be the final word on the subject, and Rei would proceed to read from the handouts, explaining each point systematically. Once and a while, Rei would stop to see if Shinji was taking notes, or ask if he had any questions. When she was finished, Rei would pack up her bag and head for the door. And everyday she would stop short, just before exiting and say, "Get well soon. See you tomorrow, Shinji."

'She didn't smile this time either,' Shinji thought. 'I wonder if Rei's just shy,' He chanced a few glances over at Ritsuko during each visit, and wasn't surprised to see her watching them– Rei in particular– closely. 'Or maybe she's regretting that she ever talked to me. . .SHE is coming to see YOU– Well, that's true.' Despite his nature, Shinji decided not to worry about it till he got out of the hospital.

Shinji's final check up was on Thursday night, and concluded by the Doctor saying that if he got through the night then he would be cleared for discharge Friday morning, in time to attend school. Rei had already visited that day, so Shinji couldn't tell her the good news. He did, however, come up with a plan.

Before leaving the hospital, Shinji would purchase two pack-lunch meals from the cafeteria and bring them to school with him. He would enter the classroom and say, "Good Morning," with a little more enthusiasm than usual. Toji would greet him as normal, and Kensuke would want to hear all about what happened to him. There was no use trying to talk to Rei before morning classes started.

During the first long break, Shinji would greet Rei and tell her about being discharged early– of course that would be obvious, but the real point of the conversation was to see if Rei would actually be friendly with him at school in front of their classmates.

At lunch, Shinji would wait for Toji and Kensuke to go buy their lunch– they never packed their own, and Shinji always waited behind in the classroom to eat with them when they returned. This time, however, he would use that free time to ask Rei to eat with him, away from their classmates– who, Shinji had time to notice during his countless hours in the hospital bed, didn't just avoid her, but disliked her– probably on the roof.

Shinji hadn't thought about what they would talk about, but even if they didn't talk at all, he was determined to ask her something. 'It doesn't have to be a big deal. Rei is nice, and she's just as inexperienced in these things as you. . .You don't know that. Friends– were just talking about friends spending time together outside of school. It's dinner– and Misato will be there! Probably. . .She still might say 'no'. She might not even bother with you anymore–'

Shinji forced this train of thought to stop. He was determined to ask Rei, no matter what.

Morning came and Shinji put his plan into action. Before no time, Shinji entered the class room and– "G-good morning!" Shinji stumbled over his words because of his nervousness.

"Hey, Shin-man!" Toji smiled at him.

"Where a been Shinji?" Kensuke asked. "C'mon, you can tell us." Shinji smiled back and walked over to his desk. As he put his bag down, Shinji looked discreetly over toward the window.

"W-what– I mean," he looked back toward Toji and Kensuke with a look of urgency, and he loudly demanded, "Where's Rei?"

Both boys were cowed under their friend's voice and look. But their shock soon turned to a tentative interest. Shinji checked himself as he noticed the look in their eyes change. 'Shit! I used her first name. I'll never hear the end of this.'

But before the boys could assault him, Shinji heard the class rep., Hikari, say, "Get to your seats, the teacher's here! Stand. Bow. Be Seated." Throughout homeroom and first period, Shinji could feel both Toji's and Kensuke's eyes burrowing into the back of his head, and his laptop kept notifying him of the messages they were sending him: no doubt asking about what extracurricular activities he and Rei were engaged in. . .together.

When lunch came around, the two boys blocked him from leaving his desk. Toji began, "Shinji. . .I 'ave a lot a feelins in my 'ead right now–"

"Nope," corrected Kensuke. "He's having one, very simple feeling right now: he wants to kill you."

"Ikari," once again, Hikari's voice saved the day.

"Yeah, coming!" Shinji didn't even know if she wanted him to come over, but he wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to get out of this situation. "Hey guys," Shinji called back to Toji and Kensuke, "you can have those two lunches." Then Shinji turned to the class. rep, "You need to buy your lunch, right?"

"Ah. . .no, I–" but Hikari stopped at the expression on Shinji's face. He was desperately mouthing the word "Please." She looked behind him at Kensuke and Toji, and seemed to understand. "Rrrright, I do."

"Ok," Shinji said relieved, "I'll go with you." Somewhat awkwardly, the two exited the classroom and headed toward the stairs.

Shinji let out a sigh, and Hikari asked timidly, "What was that about?"

"Oh," Shinji realized that Hikari was still with him. "Nevermind, what is it you wanted?" Shinji's tone was harsh, and Hikari flinched under his words. Shinji wasn't paying enough attention to notice.

"Um. . ." the class rep. was not at all pleased with how she was being treated, and– despite this being the only time she had talked to him for more than ten seconds– she didn't think much of Shinji. "It's Suzarhara's and Ayanami's turn to perform class duties, but I was thinking you could deliver Ayanami the class hand-outs for–"

"Eh?" Shinji refocused his attention.

"Yeah, you!" Hikari was fed up with all this confusion. "Since Suzarhara is useless, and you and Ayanami both work for–"

"How do you–!" Shinji stopped himself as he noticed a couple of students coming down the stairs. He let them pass by, and told Hikari, "Follow me. Come on!"

They both ran at a light jog to the walkway behind the school building, next to the hedged gate. Shinji whispered to Hikari, though there was no one else around, "How did you know Ayanami was a pilot?"

"I didn't know she was a pilot!" Hikari said defensively. "I just knew she worked for Nerv. I, uh. . .overheard the principle."

Shinji palmed his forehead, then buried his face in his hands. He may have just committed treason by telling the class rep. about Rei being a pilot. Hikari stood there, silent and nervous, but none the less sympathetic. "I'm. . .not gonna tell anyone, y'know. I feel really bad about knowing in the first place."

"No," Shinji recovered himself, "It's not your fault. Thanks Hikari, I can take those hand outs. See you in class." Shinji had walked to the building's corner, when–

"Eto– Ikari!" Shinji turned around to see Hikari walking timidly toward him with her eyes to the floor and her hands fidgeting with each other. "You're Toji's– Suzarhara's friend, aren't you?"

Shinji seriously considered the question for a long moment. Hikari stood waiting as Shinji looked up toward the sky. Without looking back down he said simply, "Yes."

". . .Does. . .he ever talk about me?" Shinji looked back down and stared at the class rep. incredulously. "No, it's not that. Ah– forget I said anything." Hikari ran passed him back to the classroom, and Shinji was left to ponder the oddness of the class rep.

Now, Shinji was standing outside Rei's apartment holding the handouts. He got lost on the way from school, but soon recovered his pacing when he saw from a few blocks away the unmistakeable building compound in which Rei lived. He had spent the long walk re-evaluating and reworking his plan to ask Rei out– 'not 'out' on a date: friends go out, and hang out, right?'

If Rei was home– he would make sure she was home, this time– he would wait patiently while Rei read through the hand outs, making sure she understood everything. Then, he could make some off hand comment about how Rei should really take better care of herself. He would ask what she was eating for dinner. It couldn't be something too good, and he was a good cook. She could come over and eat with him and Misato– or he could make something for her here.

'This isn't going to work.' He could try though. Back in the present, Shinji looked down at the mail slot. It was jam packed with letters, flyers, notices, and other packages. 'Well, now I have to go in,' Shinji thought. 'She'll never see the handouts here.'

Shinji rang the buzzer– forgetting it was broken– and waited. Looking down at his watch, he saw that three minutes had passed with no response. He hit the buzzer again and knocked on the door. After another minute Shinji checked the handle to see if the door was unlocked. The moment his hand turned it, the door gave way and Shinji jumped back.

Rei had opened the door from the other side. She was rubbing her eyes, and Shinji saw that she was only wearing a pair of bottoms underwear and her school button-up. As Rei looked up, she seemed confused and disoriented, but by no means embarrassed. Shinji figured his whole plan was shot, but he ought to give her the hands-out anyhow.

"Shinji. . .what is it?" Rei said feebly.

"Ah!" Shinji snapped out of– or back into– it. He had been looking at Rei's legs. They were even more pale than her face. She might have been a ghost. "I'm sorry, were you sleeping?"

"...The restart test took all evening."

"Oh! So Unit-01 is operational again?"

". . ."

"Eto. . .I came to– uh– deliver the hand-outs. As a thank you for. . .the hospital, yeah." Shinji stood there awkwardly for a moment, waiting for Rei to take the hand-outs. "Sorry for waking you."

Rei looked from Shinji's face to his hands, and saw the handouts. She turned around and opened the door wider. "Why don't you...come in for a while."

"I wouldn't want to intrude," Shinji protested.

Rei stared at him for a moment. She looked down at her feet, as if summoning up the courage to do something. When she look back up, Shinji saw Rei smile and say softly, "Please."

Shinji was in stunned silence, but he soon obeyed and Rei closed the door behind him. 'How can she live in such a dreary room. . .maybe I should have brought her some flowers.' Shinji blushed, and noticed again how much trash was still strewn about the apartment.

Rei watched Shinji walk around the small apartment, and lay the hand-outs on the desk by her bed. "Shinji, your–"

Shinji stopped picking up the trash on the floor to respond to Rei's shocked tone. He smiled at her and threw the remaining trash into the trash can near the fridge. "I just thought you could use some help cleaning up. You seem really out of it, Rei." Shinji proceeded to close the boxes full of used bandages and pile them by the trash can. Rei watched as he picked up the trash and boxes and headed toward the door. "I'm going to take these to the trash shoot I saw on the way in."

". . .Thank you," Rei said.

Shinji smiled. "I'll be back to explain the hand-outs, if that's alight." Rei nodded.

As Shinji walked down the hall, Rei stood motionless inside her apartment. '"I'm sorry". . ."Please". . ."Thank You". . .All words I've never used.' Rei looked over to the glasses that lay upon her dresser. 'Not even with him.'

"I'm back. Excuse my intrusion," Shinji said as he took off his shoes. "You here, Rei?" Shinji walked into the kitchen and saw Rei reaching into the cupboard. 'Wow. . .just seeing her standing in the kitchen, that's what's really weird.'

Shinji noticed the tea pot heating on the stove, and saw in Rei's hand a box of tea leaves. She was staring at it puzzled. "How many tea leaves do you use to make tea?"

"Eh!"

Rei turned to Shinji. "I have tea here, but I've never made tea." Rei said, as if the thought of using anything in her apartment that wasn't a necessity was an odd, foreign concept.

"It's okay, you don't have to–"

"This much?" Rei held out a large scoop of leaves, rather dazedly.

"I think that's too much. . .Here let me–" But as Shinji walked towards her, Rei turned around and hit her hand against the burning hot tea pot. "Oh!" Shinji exclaimed. "Are you ok?"

Rei looked down at her hand cooly, but it was very red, and Shinji thought it must have blistered. "I just got burnt a little."

"Just!" Shinji seized Rei's hand and led her over to the sink. He turned the faucet on and said, "You have to run could water on it." The two pilots stood there silent: Shinji's hand holding Rei's finger under the water. The next thing Shinji noticed was Rei shifted her body uncomfortably. She was so close that Shinji could smell her scent. It wasn't like soap, or shampoo, or even perfume... but, despite the small trace of LCL, Shinji thought it was warm, and alluring–

"Oh..." Shinji let go of Rei as she shifted her body weight again. "I'll– uh– I'll make the tea. You just stay put."

"Ok," Rei responded obediently.

Once Shinji had finished making the tea, he sat down with Rei to explain the hand-outs. Rei didn't speak once or have any questions, except near the end, when Shinji noticed she hadn't drunk any of her tea. "It's such a pretty color," she explained. She took a sip. "You're good at making tea, Shinji." She wasn't looking at him, but Shinji blushed at her words.

"Thank you, Rei." Shinji finished up explaining the notes, and took their cups into the kitchen. He washed the cups and the pot, and put away the box of tea leaves. He was just about to pick up his bag and say goodbye when he remembered his plan. He spent a second or two in the kitchen building up his nerves. He turned around and nearly fell back over himself. Rei was standing inches away. "Ah!"

Shinji clutched at his chest, stopping mid-fall and leaning against the counter. Rei didn't seemed the least bit perturbed by all this activity. "Is something a matter, Rei?" Shinji asked, rather exasperated.

"Maybe you should try talking to your father."

"What are you–?"

"You were asking me about him, and about what we talk about. . .but I think it would be better if you just talked to him yourself." Shinji stood silent for a moment, refusing to look at Rei. He composed himself, and walked passed her out of the kitchen and toward his bag lying on the floor by her desk.

"Yeah. It's not like anything would change if we talked...but it's hard the way things are: I keep hating him, so how can I keep piloting the Eva for him." This was the first time Shinji fully admitted to himself that he had piloted the Eva for his father: to gain his approval– and not to spare the blue-haired girl the pain of piloting alone, or to impress the beautiful Captain.

"You should tell your father," Rei began, but she paused as Shinji delivered a fierce look at her. ". . .what your feeling. Otherwise nothing is going to change for you." Rei walked closer to Shinji. She was so close now that if Shinji would only reach out slightly, he would be able to hold her hand.

'If only I extended my fingers...'

'If only I extended my fingers...'

"I want you and your father to be together," Rei finished. She thought more truthfully, 'I want you to stop frowning. . .to stop crying. . .stop looking so sad.'

". . . . . ." Shinji slowly brought his eyes to meet Rei's stare. "I'll try, Rei. Goodbye." Without another word or look, Shinji marched to the door, put on his shoes, and left.