Chapter 20: All Fall Down

I think all I can really say is thank you SO MUCH for being patient with me you guys. I won't drone on and on about the reasons it took me so epically long to update, but just thanks so, so much for sticking around for this.

As always, thanks to kapers for doing her awesome beta thing, and a special, ginormous thanks to kikidew for helping me out with writing the demo derby scene. Girl, you had some great insight, I can't wait to attend my first derby! Thank you so much ladies!!

All right, now... down to business:

So the mess is drawing forces
Outside I hear them say
Just come out with your hands up
So we can blow you away
And I walk out the door
Get blown wide open
By the things I'd put away
And I wasn't even warned
Just blown wide open
By the mess is where I lay

Big Wreck – Blown Wide Open

x.x.x

Edward.

I should have known that things around us were slipping. I should have known it was all too good to be true. Because things around us were falling to pieces, or maybe depending on the way you looked at it, everything was falling into place. Gears shifting and turning under our feet, pulling it all into position. Years later, if you asked Bella, she'd say it all happened the way it was supposed to be. But then, it was nearly impossible to see the forest for the trees.

Half of it, I saw coming. I'd already prepared myself for half of the drama that was about to unfold. But the rest of it? Well… I never even imagined…

Maybe it was all set in motion back at the cabin, between Alice and Jasper, in a moment where their relationship started crumbling at the seams. Or maybe it began shortly after midnight on July the Fourth, when Bella came home from work. Or maybe it didn't really begin anywhere; maybe it was something that had simply never ended. Unspoken thoughts and fears never uttered out loud, issues never brought to surface because things were going so well. Too well. Because when you're laughing and loving the time you're spending with someone you adore – why in the world would you want to ruin it? Why would you want to bring up the demons of the past, so they can only bring you down? You don't – you sweep it under the rug until the dirt gathers so high, until there's mountains between you, and the storm rips through and blows it all in your faces. And the dust stings your eyes and it's hard to breathe, and there's nothing but the mess and the blackness, the light that she'd brought into your life is extinguished by the storm. And the storm continues to rage until you can't see anything anymore.

And we all fell hard together with everything we all swept under that rug. We fell and we broke. The weekend that was supposed to be cause for celebration suddenly wasn't anymore. But it was a weekend I would never forget.

x.x.x

Saturday afternoon brought sunshine and a picnic in the park. The park was packed with people, throwing Frisbees and tossing footballs, relaxing in lawn chairs in shorts and tank tops as kids ran around screaming and laughing as they raced around the playground. We sat under the oak tree, sandwiches and fruit spread out on platters on the old plaid blanket we surrounded, lounging about on the green, fresh cut grass.

I should have known then, that everything was going too well.

I should have known things were too good to be true.

It was just the six of us under that tree: Rose, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Bella and I. We drank warm beer from plastic cups, ducked the curious bees buzzing around our heads and swatted away pesky flies. Clyde slept in the shade, his nose twitching every time a bug landed near his face, unfazed by the bustling activity happening around us. Emmett was leaning back against the trunk of the tree, Rose between his legs with her head resting back on his chest, her long golden hair hanging in a loose ponytail over her shoulder. Alice and Jasper sat on opposite sides of the blanket, Alice read while Jasper laid back in the grass, his arms folded behind his head and his eyes closed. And Bella was on her side, her head propped up on her elbow, wearing her headband from the night before. Her hair hung in thick waves down her back, a sharp contrast against the white tank top she was wearing. She was picking away at a bowl of fresh strawberries, her smiling eyes gazing into my sunglasses as she bit into the juicy, red fruit. My gaze was fixed on her lips, watching the bright red liquid slip down the corners of her mouth, my hands twitching at my side every time her pink tongue slipped out of mouth to lick the sweet juice.

I wish I had known then. And I wish I could have stopped it.

But we were all so fucking oblivious. And so, so naive.

You know, at first, it was nothing really. No big deal, just a tiny detail that added to the giant snowball that rolled towards our path, picking up speed and weight as it went. But that night, Bella came home from the bar and puked in my laundry basket. And I was annoyed, because that was the fourth night that week she had come home drunk. Maybe I was to blame, because I stayed home and slept on the couch instead of being there, but it wasn't my job to babysit her. And I didn't know why I was beginning to feel like it was.

So I rinsed and washed my laundry at three a.m. while Bella passed out in my bed. And when she got up the next morning to head back into town for the pancake breakfast, I pretended to still be asleep.

I dozed in and out while she was gone, my mind restless and my body tired. I thought about everything that was happening today; it was the Fourth, and the day of the breakfast, the parade, the barbeque and the fireworks, and then the wind up party at The Whiskey. I thought about the news Jasper had shared with me a couple weeks ago, and I thought about the sadness in Alice's eyes. I thought about Bella drinking and the smile on her face every time she saw me, and I wondered how often the source behind that smile was artificial happiness, a whiskey buzz running through her veins. I thought and I dozed, and time just passed, and I couldn't tell how slowly or how quickly it did. I dreamt of a pier, of a turquoise ocean, of a thunderstorm that shook the house and rattled the panes of glass in the windows. I dreamt of the roar of a red Mustang on an empty highway, and I dreamt of long brown hair in the passenger seat. I dreamt of a darkness, of an endless, moonless day and night. And I dreamt of being high.

A while later, while I was somewhere between being asleep and awake, I heard the bedroom door open. At first I wasn't even going to open my eyes because I was still groggy and tired and just wanted to be left alone, and I wasn't completely convinced it wasn't a dream. But I heard a throat clear and I reluctantly squinted toward the door, expecting Bella or maybe even Alice to be poking their head in and demanding I get my ass out of bed. But when I was greeted with a shock of blonde hair I bolted upright, pulling the blankets around me and narrowing my eyes.

And just like that, I was wide-awake.

"Tanya. What the hell are you doing here?"

Tanya smirked at me from the doorway, tossing her long hair over her shoulder as she strolled through the door, plopping herself down on the edge of my bed. "Is that the kind of greeting I get now, Edward?" She arched an eyebrow and her smile widened, and she displayed a green piece of gum pinched between her front teeth. She drew in a deep breath and looked around my room, snapping her gum as she exhaled. "I get that you're in a happy monogamous relationship these days, but you could at least be a little excited to see an old friend."

I shook my head, trying to clear the sleep from my brain. I watched Tanya pick at a stray thread on my duvet, grinning slyly over at me.

"What are you doing here?" I repeated, not in the mood for her games. I was tired and annoyed and not at all excited to see her. I rubbed my face, the stubble on my cheeks brushing against my palms.

She shrugged, looking around the room. "Where's your girlfriend?"

"Out."

"Oh, well, I was hoping to meet her," she said, her voice laced with all kinds of sweet and innocent that sent a chill down my spine. "But she'll be at the party tonight, won't she? I'll have to wait until then. I'm going to Esme and Carlisle's for brunch, mom and dad are meeting me there, you know, if you guys want to stop by."

I didn't reply, just crossed my arms over my chest and waited for her to take a hint and get the fuck out of my house.

She sighed theatrically at my silence. "But, I guess I'll let you get your beauty sleep for now." She hopped off the bed and turned to the door. I almost breathed out a sigh of relief, but she paused with her hand on the doorknob. "You wouldn't want to… you know," she raised her eyebrows suggestively, "while your girlfriend's out?"

I didn't know if she was talking about sex or drugs, but either way my answer was the same. "No," I said forcefully. "Tanya, please just go."

She stuck out her lower lip in a pout. "What? New girl doesn't approve of you partying?"

"Of course she doesn't – because unlike you, Bella has values. Please Tanya, just go," I growled, pulling my fingers through my hair in frustration.

She held up her hands innocently. "Okay, okay. You know, you're not as much fun as you used to be, Cullen. I can't wait to meet the girl who has miraculously turned your life around," she rolled her eyes sarcastically.

She pulled open the door but stopped again, and I had to force myself to stay in the bed and not toss her ass out the front door myself. "Do you have smokes handy? I'm trying to quit, but, well, you know," she shrugged, biting her lip and batting her mascara-coated lashes at me, "I don't think anybody ever really quits."

I collapsed back on my bed, desperate to get her the hell out of here. "Check the pocket of my jacket by the door."

Her face lit up. "Perfect. Thanks, Edward. I'll see you later."

I didn't even bother replying. As soon as the door closed behind her, I groaned and rolled over, picking my cell phone off my nightstand. I dialed Alice's number and it rang three times before she answered it, sounding way too chipper for the mood I was in.

"Alice, what the hell is Tanya doing here?" I demanded when she picked up.

I was met with a couple seconds of silence. "What do you mean?"

"She just waltzed into my fucking room five minutes ago and announced she was here for the party tonight. Did you invite her?"

"No," Alice replied slowly. "I swear I didn't, Edward. I don't know, she stops by from time to time. But Edward, you talked to her, didn't you?"

"Of course I did," I growled. "Still doesn't mean I trust her not to pull anything tonight."

Alice only sighed. "Well… hang on, a sec., okay?" I rolled over and sat up as I waited. There was some muffled talking on the other side of the line, and then a moment later Bella was on the phone.

"Hello?"

"Bella, hey," I breathed, my earlier irritation with her instantly washed away. I was so fucking thankful to hear her voice. "What are you… where are you guys?"

"Parking lot of The Whiskey. Pancake breakfast, remember?" I could hear laughter in the background and I glanced at the clock. It was only about nine, which meant there was at least another hour until breakfast would be wrapping up, and I didn't trust Tanya not to stop in there.

"Okay, look, I need to talk to you about something."

There was a hesitant pause before she replied. "Okay."

I got to my feet and was suddenly pacing around my bedroom. "Remember when I told you about Tanya?"

"Yeah… the one from Seattle?"

"Yeah. Listen, she's here. In Forks. Just came by the house, actually, so that was kind of a great surprise this morning." I didn't dare tell Bella that Tanya had waltzed into my room like it was a place she's spent many sleepless nights. "And I just wanted to give you a heads up."

"Oh." It was silent for a moment. "You guys are, like, history, right? I mean, should I be worried?" I could hear Alice saying something in the background, but I shook my head.

"No, no. Well, I don't think so. I just… I don't trust her. And I didn't want her to catch you off guard or anything."

"Oh…" Bella paused again. "Could I take her?"

"Huh?"

"Could I fight her? Like, could I kick her ass?"

I laughed, relieved that she wasn't completely freaking out over this. "She's got a couple inches on you, and claws for nails." I shuddered when I realized how that sounded.

But Bella only laughed. "Hmm… well, is she gigantic? Could I just knock her down and make a run for it?"

I chuckled again, the theoretical fight between Bella and Tanya suddenly sounding very appealing. "I'm very sure you could outrun her," I said, "She'll be in four-inch heels."

"Great," Bella laughed.

"But Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Just… just don't fall down."

We hung up the phone laughing, but the second the other end of the line was dead, the sinking feeling in my stomach returned.

x.x.x

I pulled into the parking lot of The Whiskey just before ten. I was half-planning on skipping the breakfast all together, but my paranoia was getting the best of me, and I knew I'd drive myself mad pacing around home if I didn't stop in and check things out. Thankfully, the scene was Tanya-free, but as I strolled up to Bella, I was faced with a completely different problem.

The parking lot was slowly emptying of the early-morning patrons, eager for a free early meal to start off the long day with. The pancake breakfast was tradition in Forks – local businesses in the area usually rotated hosting it the morning of the Fourth; it was a kickoff to the parade and the rest of the days' festivities. Bella was sitting on a plastic chair behind a long table of leftovers, and she was balancing a plate of syrup-soaked pancakes on her lap. She grinned at me as I approached, a plastic, disposable cup with a red straw in her free hand.

"So you are alive," she said as I leaned in and kissed her, licking the sweet syrup from my lips.

"I am," I smiled. "So how'd everything go?"

She shrugged, swallowing a bite of pancakes. "It wasn't so bad. Everybody's pretty chill today."

"That's good." She offered me a sip of orange juice from her cup and I took a sip, my nose wrinkling as I swallowed. I sniffed the contents before handing it back to her. "What's in this?"

"Gin and juice," she replied, taking a sip.

"You're – you're drinking?" I asked, my annoyance from earlier resurfacing. All I could see was me, pissed off and awake at three in the morning, doing laundry because of her, and now she was already drinking again? I gaped at her, dumbfounded.

She shrugged as she took another sip of her drink. "Yeah. Hangover, hair of the dog, all that business," she replied, waving her hand in the air like it was no big deal.

"You do realize it's hardly ten a.m., right?"

She pulled her lips from the straw and eyes met mine, her eyebrows arched. "Yes," she replied, speaking slowly, "But it's also a holiday. My God, sorry Mom."

I just stared at her and shook my head. I had absolutely nothing but snarky things to say in reply, so I shoved my hands in my pockets, turned on my heel, and walked away.

"Edward-" she tried, but I just shook my head and waved her off. I could hear her let out a growl of frustration from behind me before I was out of earshot.

I let out a long breath. Sorry Mom? I felt like I was dealing with a fucking bratty sixteen-year-old. I tried to tell myself that I was overreacting, that it wasn't a big deal, that I'd just woken up on the wrong side of the bed… but I couldn't shake my frustration.

I wasn't her fucking babysitter. She was twenty-two years old and she could drink whenever she wanted… despite how early and illegally the drinking may take place. I tried to tell myself that I was simply in a pissy mood, and it wasn't right to take it out on Bella. I had basically woken up face-to-face with the last person I wanted to see in Forks right now, and if Bella and I didn't keep a united front, then I knew Tanya would find a way to weasel her way between us. But before I could make up with Bella, I needed to chill the fuck out.

I let out another long breath and looked around the parking lot, my gaze falling on the perfect distraction. Parked off to the side of the building, I saw a flash of red and a small crowd of people. It was the Mustang – finished and polished and in all it's glory. I let out a low whistle as I approached the group, and Jasper greeted me with a smile I hadn't seen in weeks.

"Fuck man," I said, my eyes grazing over the shiny car, the polished rims, the sparkling chrome trim, and the reupholstered beige leather seats, "Looks awesome."

"Thanks," he nodded, his arm crossed over his chest and a half-burnt cigarette hanging from his lip. His smoke pack was tucked in the rolled up sleeves of his t-shirt, his eyes bouncing over the car, his face lit up with a grin. "Gotta admit, Emmett fucking pulled through. God it feels so good to have her up and running again."

"He did a great job," I agreed.

Jasper slid his smoke pack out from under his sleeve and pulled out a joint, tossing it over to me. I caught it at my chest, looking up at him with my eyebrows raised. "I gotta get out of here right away," he told me, "But let's smoke this shit first."

I grinned and we both side-stepped away from the car as I fished a lighter from my pocket and lit up the joint. I closed my eyes as I took a deep inhale, raising my face to the sky when I blew out a thick cloud of smoke. Was I a hypocrite for smoking up right after getting all bitchy about Bella drinking? Probably. But hell, knowing Bella, she was probably stoned already too.

I tried to shake the thoughts from my mind. I was overreacting – I knew I was overreacting. And it didn't help that this whole Tanya showing up in Forks ordeal was messing with my fucking brain. I inhaled a couple more times and cracked my neck as I passed the joint over to Jasper. The sun was shining, the breeze was warm considering the early hour, and hopefully the drama for the day had passed and we could all just relax and have ourselves a nice, chill Fourth of July.

One could only hope.

I shifted my eyes to the side and glanced around us to make sure nobody was paying much attention to Jasper and I. I dropped my voice slowly turned my back to the small crowd gathered around the shiny car and asked him, "So, you decide on anything yet, man?"

Jasper scratched at his blonde curls and nodded, his gaze dropping to the pavement at our feet. I knew that he knew exactly what I was talking about. He exhaled a puff of smoke, coughing as he passed the joint back. "Uh, yeah. I was gonna try and sit down with Bella after the parade or something and talk to her."

I tried to ignore the tightening in my chest as I took another hit. I stared down at the smoke curling up into the air from the joint pressed between my fingers when I spoke. "How do you think she's gonna take it?" I asked, trying to keep my voice neutral. Trying to pretend I wasn't scared shitless.

Jasper took a long drag of his cigarette and let it out slowly through his nose. "Honestly? I just don't know anymore."

I glanced across the parking lot to Bella, who was gathering up all the used, syrup-drenched paper plates with Alice. I scoffed at I turned back to Jasper, "Well, maybe she'll be drunk enough by then she won't take it too bad."

Jasper's eyes followed mine. "She's at it already, huh?"

"She sure is."

Jasper just shook his head and sighed. "It's a holiday, I guess."

"I guess," I scoffed, shaking my head at how alike those two really did think. "She puked in my laundry basket last night," I muttered, my eyes staring at a spot on the pavement.

"In your… laundry basket?" Jasper's voice was kind of strangled, and when I looked up I saw that he was struggling not to laugh.

"Shut up," I growled, but a felt the twitch of a smile on the corner of my lips.

"Sorry," Jasper gasped, a chuckle escaping his lips. "It's not funny… but come on, man, it's kind of funny." He flicked his cigarette butt on the ground and clapped me on the back, still laughing. "Look, I gotta head out. Emmett's waiting for me down at the start of the parade, getting us signed up and shit. I'll catch you later though." He shook his head, still grinning. "And I'll talk to Bella, when I, you know, talk to her."

I rolled my eyes, backing away from the car as Jasper hopped in the drivers seat and fired it up. The people gathered around stood there as he went ripping out of the parking lot, the loud growling Mustang burning a trail right down Main Street.

And even though I was terrified of the implications of his decision, I hoped like hell that it would all work out in the end. He was convinced it was all for the best. Unfortunately, I wasn't so sure anymore.

I finished off the joint and then tossed it on the ground, putting it out with the toe of my shoe. I don't know when it happened exactly that Jasper and I came to a truce. But one day he came to me of all people for advice. Or maybe not even advice… just an unbiased ear to hear him out. I think maybe it was because I was the only neutral party – I was the only one who didn't really care either way what he decided, and I knew both Alice and Bella well enough to know how they'd react. But he needed someone to talk to – someone who wouldn't jump down his throat or beg him to change his mind. And thanks to Alice, he also knew things about me that only a handful of other people knew. So one night, we stayed up until Alice and Bella arrived home from work, just talking about the shit we couldn't confide in other people with. And ever since then, things between the two of us had been easy. Or maybe just easier. But it was still weird, hanging out with the dude and not wanting to shove my fist down his throat.

Feeling far more chilled out, I decided it was probably time to track down Bella and apologize for being such a prick earlier. I found her helping Alice and Jake put away the plastic tables that they had been cooking the food on. She glanced up when she heard me approaching, and her eyes narrowed when our gaze met and she quickly went back to folding up the leg of the table she was working on. When I knelt down beside her, she got to her feet and jerked the now folded-up table away from me and started hauling it towards Jake's truck, where the other two tables were already stacked neatly in the box.

"Bell-"

Her head whipped around before her name was even out of my mouth. "What?" she snapped, adjusting her grip on the table.

I took a deep, calming breath, my eyes travelling up the curves of her bare arm, her muscles flexed with the strain of the table she was supporting. She adjusted the table, letting out an impatient breath, and my eyes snapped to her face. Clearing my throat, I met her narrowed eyes. "Bella, I'm sorry-"

She laughed bitterly, turned her back to me and started walking away. I tried hard not to roll my eyes at her back as I jogged to catch her and tried to help her load the table into the truck, but she kept shrugging me off. So I sighed, stepping back and waiting.

"So what are you sorry for, exactly?" she asked, turning to me once the table was safely in the truck. She planted her hands on her hips as she squinted up at me. "For walking away from me? Over a little bit of gin and juice? And then completely ignoring me until you get high, right? No, that's totally fine, Edward." But obviously, judging by the tone of her voice, it was anything but fine. "I'm sorry, but it's the Fourth of July, and I had to haul my ass out of bed at six-thirty after working until two a.m., and I wanted to have a fucking drink and relax and the last thing I expected was to catch shit from you of all people."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's just," she threw her hands in the air, and started walking away. She ran her fingers through her wavy hair and then spun back around and faced me. "I think I've been pretty accommodating for all your faults, Edward. And your reaction to me drinking… it was like, like… I don't know. Like you caught me doing blow or something. Like, fuck."

"Accommodating for all my faults?" I repeated, blinking at her in disbelief. "Bella, I told you those things so you would trust me, not so you'd simply accommodate me."

"That's not what I meant, Edward," she replied, rolling her eyes in exasperation. "It's just that I could have made a huge deal out of all that shit, but I didn't."

"Why, is there something you wanted to say to me, Bella?" I asked. "Are you not okay with everything that's happened in my past? Because if you're not, you should really say something before it's too late."

"Stop that!" she said, her voice rising in anger.

"Stop what?"

"You're… you're twisting everything I say! That's not what I fucking meant!"

"Yeah, well, you better be sure about that, Bella. Because you have to trust me. If you don't, then…"

"Then what?"

"Then I don't know."

We both fell silent for a moment, the sudden unexpected turn our argument took running over and over again in my head. And I felt like shit, because I started all this, being such a prick over nothing. But now, suddenly, it wasn't just nothing anymore. It was one of those things, pushed to the side, hidden under the rug, and we just stared at each other, wondering if we really wanted to do this here. If we really wanted to get into this now.

Because I didn't.

Just… not now.

Finally, Bella spoke, "Look, Edward. I know, okay? I know I probably drink too much sometimes, but just please, please don't do this today. I'm exhausted and then I get some freaked out call from you this morning about your ex being in town, and I think we're just both a little on edge. But please, can we not fight right now?" She looked up at me, her brown eyes wide and pleading. "I'm tired, and I just want today to be fun, okay?"

I reached out and took her hand in mine. "Okay. Just… I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to snap at you this morning. And… we'll talk about this later or something, okay?"

She nodded slowly. "Okay. And I'm sorry too. Come on; let's just go watch the parade. Let's go have some fun."

"Sounds good."

So hand-in-hand, we turned and began walking down the street. But I kept replaying our fight over and over, and I couldn't help but think about those three little words that she never really said out loud.

I wonder now how differently things would have turned out had we'd taken the time to hash some of those things out that sunny morning.

x.x.x

Bella.

Aside from the little tiff between Edward and I, the rest of the morning went smoothly. The parade was… a parade. Emmett rode in the Mustang with Jasper, chucking candy at the kids as they passed by. A lot of the parade consisted of old, classic cars and truck that didn't really mean anything to me, and horses and wagons and people dressed up in crazy costumes, tossing candy at the crowds. By the time the parade started it was warm enough for me to roll up my pant legs and push up the sleeves of my t-shirt, and I leaned against Edward's shoulder trying to stay awake as more and more shiny cars crawled past and the clip-clopping of horse hooves tapped out a soothing beat on the pavement. I didn't even realize I'd dozed off until the end of the parade when Edward was shaking me awake, a teasing grin on his lips as he watched me blink back to life.

I smiled up at him, groggy and dazed.

I was so, so tired.

After the parade wrapped up, we met up with Emmett and Jasper and headed down to the park. And Jasper was more or less beaming as he hopped back in the Mustang and drove us down the street. It made me happy, seeing him that way again. I just wished I'd known that all it took was a little paint and a new transmission to make my best friend smile like that.

The crowd around Tillicum Park was far bigger than I expected, with people spread out around the arena on blankets and lawn chairs, grouped into families who sat around waving and socializing with their friends. People snapped pictures as the cars made their way down to the arena. We screamed and cheered from our spot on the grass when we spotted Jake's old, russet-colored Chrysler Imperial he was entering in the competition. The arena was bigger than I had anticipated, a wide, oval area enclosed by rectangular concrete blocks stacked about six feet high, and then a chain-link fence closing it all off.

I was sitting across Edward's lap, my temple resting against his collarbone as we basked in the sunlight and excitement. I placed a gentle kiss on his neck before I spoke, "You know, I bet this is something my mom would have been into."

"What? This?" Edward's eyes raked down to where I was pressed up against him, a playful smirk on his lips. His hand snuck around my waist, his fingers slipping under the bottom of my shirt as he held me tightly against him.

"No," I laughed, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. I pulled my head back, looking around us, "The demolition derby. It just seems like a Renee-type thing to do: the excitement, the energy, the intensity. I just feel like this is something she would love. Maybe that's why I've never been to one…" my voice trailed off as I collected my thoughts. My eyes were focused somewhere off in the distance when I spoke again, "It's almost like, I don't know, that maybe after Charlie died, Renee tried to change everything about herself – everything that reminded her of him. Like, she moved away and she stopped playing guitar and singing and who knows what else. In all those pictures of Esme's, she's drinking beer. I never saw my mom drink a beer a single day of her life, but she always had a bottle of red wine on hand. It's kind of like… like I never really knew her at all."

"Bella, that's ridiculous," Edward said quietly.

"Is it, though?"

"Yes," he said firmly, one of his hands reaching up and tucking a stray hair behind my ear. His fingers trailed along my jaw as he spoke. "People's tastes change. Maybe your mom just didn't like beer anymore. And yeah, maybe playing the guitar made her sad, but maybe she just… wasn't inspired anymore. And maybe she never took you to demolition derbies because they're dangerous."

"They are?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Oh, yeah," he said, shrugging. He ran a hand through his hair and looked around us. "I mean, it's not nearly as dangerous as, say, skydiving or whitewater rafting, at least not for the spectator. Usually. But people get hurt, things blow up. A tire flew into the crowd last year," he told me matter-of-factly.

"And people bring their children to these things?" I asked, looking around in alarm at all the laughing, happy families surrounding us.

"Sure. I mean, no one was injured then."

"But still-"

Suddenly, there was a loud horn sounding throughout the park, and I jumped in surprise and whipped around just as all the cars lined up on one end, revved their engines and took off. I held my hand over my mouth, my eyes wide as the cars sped around the track, and I could feel Edward's body shaking against mine as he laughed silently, muttering something under his breath that sounded a lot like, "skydiving, my ass."

I shoved him half-heartedly, twisting around so I was sitting between his legs again, my eyes fixed on the scene before me. People were shrieking and laughing as the cars ripped around the arena, dirt shooting out from under their tires and spraying people sitting closer to the fence that enclosed the track. At first, the cars seemed to be moving in slow-motion, spinning around and around one another, almost like it was a game of tag. They all seemed to be waiting for something – for someone to make the first move, maybe.

Some of the cars were beefier, with bright orange flames painted on the sides or a skull and cross on the hood. And it was loud, the engines growling and roaring loudly as they chased the other cars around the dirt covered arena. And when two cars finally made contact, people around us screamed and pumped their fists in the air as the cars pushed against each other, tires spinning as they battled for dominance. The dust blew around us like smoke, and I could feel it clinging to the sweat on my forehead, but I was too mesmerized by the action to even care. Every time Jake's car came close to colliding with another we were all holding our breath and screaming all at the same time. I heard Emmett's loud whooping when Jake ran full speed into the passenger side of the car with the flames, pinning it up against a rusted red car. The engines screamed and dirt flew, the cars battling relentlessly against one another. Smoke curled up from some of the engines, bumpers hit the ground, and I sat leaning forward as I watched with my eyes wide.

I craned my neck back slowly, my eyes not leaving the scene before me. "How do they know who wins?" I asked Edward quietly.

"The last car still… operable," Edward replied with a quiet laugh.

"Oh." I leaned forward, watching as the black car with the skull went crashing into the back of Jake's car. I cringed as his car lurched forward. Ouch.

Eventually, Rose got up and announced she was going to buy a bottle of water and asked if we wanted anything. I waved her off and finally tore my gaze from the arena, looking over at my friends. I'd been so mesmerized by the derby that their presence had practically gone unnoticed this entire time. Emmett was sitting up, a bag of dill-pickle Spitz on the ground between his legs and his eyes on Rose as she waded through the crowds down to where there was a small concession set up. He glanced back to the derby, letting out a loud whoop of excitement and I heard the loud crunch of metal hitting metal.

Beside Edward and I, Jasper and Alice were reclined back in the grass. They seemed so serene compared to the intense, action-packed event happening before us. Alice was lying on her back, her head resting on Jasper's stomach, rising and falling slowly with his deep, calm breaths. I found gaze lingering on them, only because they were so close, so intimate and peaceful. For a moment, I thought maybe they'd worked passed all their issues and they were really giving it another go. It seemed like that kind of day – the kind of day where change was in the air. It was a day of change and hope and summer and love. Alice's fingers were grazing Jasper's hand, their fingers reaching out for each other, just barely touching, tapping out a gentle, silent beat against each other's skin. And I was smiling to myself as I watched them until I looked up and saw Jasper's eyes. The expression on his face would have given nothing away; he was a perfect mask of calm. But his eyes… I recognized the pain and anguish in his stormy grey eyes. His gaze was cast downward, to where his hand met Alice's, his forehead creased and his eyes stormy with pain. It was like Alice's head resting gently on his chest was digging deep into his heart, and like her fingers were ripping each of his digits from his hand, slowly and painfully, one by one. The look in his eyes made a chill rip through my body, despite the summer sun beaming down on us. And immediately Jasper's gaze flew to mine, like I had gasped out loud, and I could only imagine the panic he saw there. Suddenly, I felt Edward stiffened underneath me, but I couldn't drag my eyes away from Jasper.

In a flash, Jazz was murmuring something in Alice's ear and was pushing himself up on his elbows. Alice looked up at me, and the look on her face was… sad, and I couldn't understand why, and I didn't understand what was going on. And honestly, for a minute, I couldn't help but wonder if I'd dozed off again and was dreaming this. But the smell of diesel, the burning rubber, it was too tangible in the air for this to be a dream.

"Bells, can I talk to you for a second?" Jasper asked, holding his hand out to help me to my feet. I took his hand, feeling dumb and blind and confused as all hell, and when I looked at Edward, I could tell he was trying to avoid my gaze, and that's when I realized that everybody knew something I didn't. And as I followed Jasper away from the crowd, I looked back to see that even Emmett was watching me, a deep frown on his face.

"Jasper, what is it?" I stopped walking, because my heart was beginning to hammer against my ribs, my mind conjuring up the worst possible scenarios. And he didn't make in any better when he just stared at me with sad eyes and pulled me into a hug.

Behind us, there was the grinding sound of metal on metal, and I winced as the crowd cheered.

And then, I knew. I knew exactly what he was going to say.

"We're leaving, aren't we?" my words we muffled against his shirt, my legs on the verge of giving up on me, my eyes squeezed shut to stop the inevitable tears. And behind my closed eyelids, I saw Edward. I saw Edward laughing as we ran together through the rain, Edward's pain the night he told me about his past, Edward eyes so full of love when he looked down at me in the dim light of his bedroom, a stray lock of copper hair brushing against his eyebrow, Edward's smirk when I let him cop a feel in public. I saw Edward, Edward, Edward, looking me with sad eyes as I walked away, Edward not doing anything to stop this, to stop Jasper from doing this, and just like that I was pissed.

"How could you do this to me?" I gasped, pushing against Jasper's chest. Pushing him away from me. I swept my hair back off my forehead, my head shaking from side to side, my eyes wide and fixed at nothing in particular on the ground.

We were leaving. We were fucking leaving. And I didn't know how to say no.

"Bella. Bella." I didn't even hear him speaking until he shook my shoulders and snapped me out of the panic I was in. My eyes shot up to his. He had one hand gripping each of my shoulders firmly, his head ducked but his eyes fixed on mine, like he was trying to speak with his eyes alone. Finally, he said in a low, rough voice, "Bella, we're not leaving."

I stared blankly up at him.

"I'm leaving, Bella."

"What?"

Jasper's hands dropped to his sides, his expression was eerily calm as he assessed my reaction. And I simply crossed my arms over my chest and stared him down.

"Oh? Where you going?" I asked, my tone terribly sarcastic, even to my own ears.

"Bells, I'm serious," he said, his lips curling slightly at the edges. He shook his head slightly. "My mind is made up. I'm not staying in Forks." He said it so simply, like it wouldn't change everything.

Behind me, there was a loud crash, and the crowd screamed with excitement.

Slowly, Jasper's words began to sink in. He was leaving… and I wasn't.

"Why?" I asked finally, my voice cracking.

"It's just… it's what's best for everyone."

The panic began to rise in my chest again, but this time it was different. This time, this time it was Jasper, my best friend, my brother, my protector, my only family left living, the only person who hadn't left my side since I was eight goddamn years old… it was Jasper, and he was leaving me.

"How? Jasper, how is this better for anyone?"

"Bella, it's hard to explain."

"Well please, try."

"Really?"

I rolled my eyes. "Jasper, yes."

"I'm not going to be telling you anything you don't already know," he insisted. "I mean, we can't do this forever, Bells. And Forks, it's the right place for you. You belong here. And I… I just need some time to figure out where I'm supposed to be."

"Jasper, what's wrong with being here? You have a great job… and a great boss and Emmett's here and I'm here and what about Alice? You think she'll be okay with this?"

Jasper cleared his throat, looking down awkwardly. "Well, actually…"

Then it hit me. "But she knows already. And so does… everybody. Even… even Edward?"

"Yes."

My hands clenched into fists at my side, and I was surprised at my sudden anger, "I can't believe you. I can't believe you'd tell everyone before you'd tell me. Why?"

"Because I was terrified to tell you, Bella. Do you think this is easy for me?"

"But you don't keep things from me, Jazz."

"I'm telling you now, Bella," he sighed.

"Is this about Edward?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder to where Edward was sitting. I wasn't surprised to see three heads turned back, away from the arena, three pairs of curious eyes looking in our direction, whipping back around when they saw me looking back.

"About Edward?" Jasper asked, sounding surprised. He chuckled quietly. "No, Bells. I'm over that, I really, really am. You guys… you're great together."

"Really?" Now it was my turn to be surprised.

"Yeah. He really cares about you. And you deserve to be happy. You both do."

I raised an unconvinced eyebrow. "Uh-huh…"

"I'm serious, Bella," Jasper laughed, shaking his head slightly. "But it's just… after everything that happened at the cabin, and after the way I spoke to Alice that night, I just realized I had to get away. You know, the way I treated her, and the way I treated you… I just reminded myself of my father. And Bella, I never want to become him. I won't."

"Jasper, you'll never be your father," I said, my voice softening and my hand reaching for his. "You don't have to leave to prove that."

The deep crease in his forehead was back when he raised his head and looked at me. "I need to know that before I can have any sort of healthy relationship with Alice. She deserves better than that. And you said it yourself back at the cabin – I need to let you make your own mistakes, and find your own happiness. And I need to find mine."

I realized then, that there was no stopping this. Jasper was going to move on, he was going to pack up the Mustang, just like he had so many times. But this time, there'd only be on suitcase in the trunk. This time there'd be no Hummingbird in the backseat. And this time, he could listen to Journey on repeat as many times as he wanted to.

"When?" I asked, feeling defeated, "When are you leaving?"

He was silent. His eyes were on his boots when he spoke. "Tomorrow."

"Like… the one that comes after today?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"That would be the one."

My face fell. "Jasper… why? And why so soon?"

"Because I'm afraid that if I don't do it now, then I never will. The car's ready, I have everything in order, and tonight will be a great night, so I figured the time couldn't be more perfect. Leave on a good note."

I couldn't find the right words, so instead I found myself wrapping my arms around him. Because, really, what do you say when you've been told that one of the most important people in you life are packing up their bags and leaving you behind? Do you kick and scream and beg them to stay? Do you just say good-bye? Or do you simply turn your back and walk away?

"I'll still going north," he was telling me, his chin resting on my shoulder, his hands rubbing up and down my back. "I'm going to Canada, just like we planned. I won't be far, Bells. I'll be a phone call and a few hours drive away."

"You need a passport or something to get across the border," I told him, trying not to let the hope that he'd forgotten this little piece of information seep into my voice.

He chuckled lightly. "I know, Bells. I've got it handled. One of my dad's old friends was able to point me in the direction of a guy in Port Angeles that could help me out."

"Ah, and probably, like, completely legally too, huh?" I said bitterly. "You know if you get tossed in jail, I won't bail you out, right?"

He laughed. "Yeah you will," he said quietly.

I sighed. He was right.

"Did you get me a passport, Jazz?" I asked, finally releasing my hold on him and taking a step back.

He didn't answer, but his gaze dropped to the green grass at my feet.

"You did, didn't you? Jasper… why?'

"Because… I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know what we were going to do. And I wasn't going to just leave you here, Bells. I didn't want to abandon you. But I know now that if I leave you behind, I won't be abandoning you. You belong here, Bella," he said simply. "Besides, if you're going to come visit me, you'll need it."

"Yeah, it's going to be a blast walking to Canada."

"Yeah…" A slow smile crept on Jasper's face. "About that."

"About what?" I asked, confused.

"Your… transportation situation. Jake's working on rebuilding an old truck, and he's willing to sell it to you for a really good price. And I might have already told him you'd take it."

Instantly, I brightened. "An old truck… like my old truck?"

A proud smile stretched across Jasper's face. "Very similar, yeah."

"That's…" my voice trailed off and I narrowed my eyes teasingly, "You're totally bribing me, but I'll take it."

"I knew you would. And you're going to love it, I promise." He pressed his lips lightly to my forehead, and I found myself smiling.

"I won't be far," he repeated quietly. "If you need me, if anything happens… I'll be here as soon as I can." The threat was clear in his low voice. Maybe he was okay with Edward and I, maybe they'd made their peace… but it didn't mean that Jasper still didn't have my back. Somehow, I found great comfort in that.

When he released me, Jasper threw his arm over my shoulder, smiling as we began walking back to our friends sprawled out on the grass. "It will all work out, Bells," he told me. "I just know it will."

"Sounds to me like somebody has a little faith in all this, huh?" I joked, poking him in the ribs.

"I guess so," he laughed, and I watched him from the corner of my eye, grinning. I still wasn't used to seeing Jasper just so… happy. Honestly, I think that was the only reason I wasn't fighting this more – I loved seeing him this way. And maybe that's why he suddenly accepted this thing between Edward and I too. He could see my happiness… and we loved each other too much to stand in the way of that.

Jasper squeezed me once more as we approached the group, and I stepped toward Edward's direction. I almost didn't see the blonde at my feet, sitting a little too close to Edward, my Edward, until I was practically tripping over her.

"Oh," I gasped, taking a step back in surprise at the unexpected visitor occupying my spot. She was wearing a white baseball hat, and silky, poker-straight hair fell down her back. She craned her neck up, flashing a set of gleaming white teeth as she beamed up at me.

"Hi, Bella," she said, her voice cheerful and her grin earnest. Sea-green eyes sparkled at me from under her cap, "I'm Tanya. It's great to finally meet you."

x.x.x

The Twilighted forum can be found at: www (dot) twilighted (dot)net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=44&t=9295

We are about 5 chapters away from the end, and obviously something is a'brewin'. I think we should place bets: Miss Tanya: red herring or she-devil? :)

Thanks for reading!