Chapter 21: The Great Divide

So, this is the first of two updates tonight (I know, right?) It was originally one chapter, but there I felt like there was just so much happening, I needed to split it up.

Because it's been forever since I've updated, here's a little recap of what's happening in IR2Y-land:

- Tanya showed up at Edward's house the morning of the 4th of July, while Bella is at a pancake breakfast.

- Bella and Edward get into a little argument, he snaps at her for drinking at 10am and she gets all defensive and bitchy back. It's all very ridiculous. They make up.

- The gang goes to the parade and then the demolition derby

- Jasper breaks the news to Bella that he is leaving. Tomorrow.

- The always lovely Tanya makes her second appearance.

And that's what happened last time on I Run to You...

You can catch me
Don't you run
Don't you run
If you live another day
In this happy little house
The fire's here to stay

Little House, Amanda Seyfried

x.x.x

Bella.

"Bella? Bells."

Someone was shaking my arm gently, slowly rousing me from a dreamless sleep. I let out a groan, rolling over and squinting up in the dim light. "Jazz?" I asked, my voice cracked and raw. The air in the room was heavy. I felt his pain before I saw it. I felt it before I even felt my own.

Jasper looked down at me, his hand still gripping my arm, like he was trying to hold me there and drag me out of bed all at the same time. I rubbed my eyes, feeling the mattress behind me blindly for a sleeping body next to me. Except… there was nothing there. As I began to wake up fully, I took in my surroundings, and realized I wasn't in the same bed I had woken up in practically every morning over the past few weeks.

I was under the scratchy sheets in my double bed in room 117 of Forks Inn.

My chest constricted in panic as a feeling of dread washed over me.

Something was wrong.

"Bells, I'm leaving." He spoke slowly, and I took in his pained expression as he watched me. My hand reached up without thinking, his cheek cupped gently in my palm, my thumb slowly gazing over a dark purple bruise under his eye. He winced at my touch and my hand dropped to the bed. I let out a shaky breath. I wanted to stop remembering. I wanted him to stop looking at me like that.

His next words were barely a whisper. "Are you coming?"

I sat up slowly; the green walls seemed to spin around me as I did. The air around me seemed too heavy, too hot. I studied the shape at the foot of my bed, realizing it was my suitcase and my guitar. Packed and ready to go.

Ready to run.

I closed my eyes and tried not to think about him. I tried to stop the memories of last night from flooding my brain, I tried to stop his words from ringing in my ears, I tried to stop the pain that seemed to grow exponentially with every passing second.

He wanted this.

I stared at Jasper's face for a long time before I could form the right words. Before I could decide if I was strong enough to leave him. Before I could decide what really was the right thing to do now. My body shook, and I fought back tears with all my strength. The words caught in my throat as I spoke them, and they came out sounding like a question. I wondered if Jasper could even understand what I'd said.

Really, it was simple – yes or no. Stay or go.

But, nothing's ever really that simple.

Because when the question is, when love's chasing you – where do you run?

x.x.x

Bella.

Earlier the day before…

Tanya, in one word, was bright. Annoyingly so. She was smart, she was kind of beautiful, and she was chipper in a way that made Alice look shy and also made me suspicious that she was extremely fake. But maybe my judgment was clouded. Maybe it was because I was expecting some bleach-blonde, muffin-top, red dragon clawed, snaggle-toothed monster. And maybe because bright, sunny, annoyingly fake Tanya was sitting in my spot. And she was sitting next to my Edward. A man that, only a few weeks ago, had pretty much been hers.

I just looked over at her from the corner of my eye as I stepped around her and plopped down on the ground on the other side of Edward. I was so not up for this shit. Not only had my best friend just told me he was leaving Forks, leaving me behind, but I walk back to my spot to find the ex-whatever of my current… Edward… sitting in my spot? No. Just… not gonna fly.

Yeah, Edward had told me about Tanya, and she just... wasn't what I was expecting.

Tanya kind of squealed when Edward warily introduced the two of us, and it was then that I noticed the quality about Tanya that I hated the most – Tanya liked to talk. A fucking lot.

"I've been so excited to meet you, Bella. Are you having fun? I just love the Fourth of July – it's so nice to get out of the city for holidays like this. All the people and all the partying? It's just not my thing, at least not like that. And it's such a great day for this. I mean, usually we don't luck out like this on the Fourth. Remember last year?" Tanya nudged Edward. "It was completely pissing rain."

"I remember." Edward's voice was quiet. Even thought Tanya was blabbering away next to him, I could tell his attention was on me. I could almost see those worry-filled emerald eyes watching me through the dark lenses of his sunglasses. And I just didn't want him to be looking at me like that – I didn't want to have to think about it, I didn't want to think about Jasper leaving, or what this all meant, or just any of it. I didn't want to think about the end. So instead, even though I just knew I was going to fucking regret it, I turned to Tanya in hopes of redirecting some of the attention off of me.

"Where are you from, Tanya?" I asked, my eyes carefully avoiding Edward.

"Seattle," she replied, leaning forward so she could see me.

I tried my best to sound interested, I really did. "How long have you lived there?"

"My whole life," Tanya said. "My dad's a doctor at Seattle General and my mom's a nurse. It's actually how we met Carlisle and Esme – Carlisle and my dad did their residency together. Then I took early social work at U-Dub and that's how I became close with Edward. Well, actually, he was a terrible influence on me," she laughed, nudging Edward again at some inside joke, "I missed so many classes thanks to this slacker. It's a wonder we managed to pass. Well, I mean at least one of us did."

Tanya giggled and Edward rolled his eyes, and I stared at the two of them realizing that Tanya held this piece, the piece of Edward I would never know, the piece of Edward I had missed. And beautiful, blonde, smiling, University degree, baseball hat-wearing Tanya held it in the very palm of her hand.

Then I realized it was the piece of Edward that did drugs and dropped out of school and I just didn't know how I felt about that.

"So, Bella, where did you go to college?" Tanya asked brightly as she turned to me.

"Oh. I, uh…" I stumbled over the words, and for the first time in my life I wished I had an answer to that question.

"Bella's been travelling," Edward supplied quietly, and I studied the ground in front of me, unable to meet his eyes.

"Oh!" Tanya exclaimed, falling back on her elbows and sighing wistfully. She rolled so she was facing me, her eyes alive with excitement, "Oh, please tell me you've visited Peru. My parents went about five years back and did the whole Machu Picchu thing, and all they could do was rave about it. I've always wanted to go." She sighed again, tossing her head back. "It just sounds so…enchanting."

Suddenly, Emmett was having a coughing fit across the grass and I shot him a glare before answering Tanya, "Um. No, actually… Jasper and I, we've been travelling… travelling the country."

"Oh." Tanya sounded disappointed for a moment, but she quickly masked it with a question I don't think was supposed to be mocking, but might have been, "Did you visit the biggest ball of yarn?"

"Twine," I corrected her, snorting in amusement. "And yeah, we did." I wondered how in the hell you could compare Machu Picchu to a giant ball of twine.

"What other kinds of things did you see, Bella?" Edward asked, his voice sounded slightly wary but he was looking down at me with interest. I'd never really thought of it before, but my travels were something we just never really discussed.

I felt a smile curling on my lips when I glanced back at Jasper before replying. "We went to the most insane tourist attractions. Like, remember the Cadillac Ranch in Texas?"

Jasper chuckled. "I wonder if our names are still spray painted on those cars."

"Fifth car, passenger side tail fin," I recited. "I had to sit on Jasper's shoulders to get up there."

I looked up at Edward to find him staring at me like I was a lunatic.

I opened my mouth to explain, then just shrugged. "Um… maybe you should just Google it when you get a chance."

"I'll have to do that," he chuckled.

I grinned, leaning into Edward and nudging him with my shoulder. I craned my neck to the side, "Well… what else did we do, Jazz?"

"There was the Enchanted Highway in North Dakota."

"Oh yeah! And the Expired Parking Meter Tombstone."

He laughed. "That was just ridiculous. What about the two-storey outhouse?"

"Two-storey outhouse?" Emmett burst out. "You didn't… you couldn't… that's not operational is it?"

"Totally," Jasper answered, and Emmett made what sounded like a gagging noise in reply.

"It's not like you end up shitting on someone's head, Emmett," I laughed. "It's properly engineered and everything. We didn't really believe it at first either, but it's legit."

Emmett shook his head. "That's fucked. What the hell else did you sicko's do?"

I grinned, raising my eyebrows at Em. "Went on a dairy farm tour in Tennessee."

"Woo cows," Emmett pumped his fist sarcastically.

"That was right before the truck died," Jasper sighed, settling back on his elbows, tilting his head toward me. "I've never seen someone so heartbroken over a pile of rust."

"It was sad," I said, narrowing my eyes at Jasper and silently warning him not to push it. I wasn't the one who would give her life for a Mustang.

"We hitchhiked, bro," Jasper continued, nodding at Emmett but smirking at me. "Bella thought we were going to be stranded on that highway forever."

"It felt like we were. Nobody was stopping. And it didn't help that Jazz hadn't gotten a haircut in like six months - he probably looked like some crazy serial killer. But then Aro came along."

"Aro?" Edward asked curiously.

"Ahh Aro," Jasper sighed dreamily. I reached over and shoved him, laughing.

"Aro was… like out of a movie or something, I swear to god. He was fifty something, drove an old VW van that he had spray painted orange. I think I lost a few days riding in the van… goddamn I'd never been higher in my life. But somehow the three of us ended up going to Bonaroo… then drove clear across the country to get to a folk festival in Arizona."

"Oh, Arizona was amazing. The hippies loved Bella."

"And I loved the hippies." I relaxed back into Edward and looked up at him, grinning. He was playing absentmindedly with a strand of my hair, his cheek resting on my forehead. It had been strange, going back to the state where I grew up and feeling no attachment or emotion towards it. It was just another stop on the way – the road had been my home for a long time already when we ended up in Arizona.

"You guys sure had fun back then, huh?" Edward asked, his voice sounding distant.

"We really did," I agreed, but when Emmett coughed loudly from behind me and I turned to glare at him, I quickly realized my mistake. "But, it was a different kind of fun, you know?" I assured Edward, "It gets kind of old fast, though. And the stories probably make it sound way more fun."

"Not necessarily," Jasper butt in, "I've never told you guys how I managed to acquire the Mustang, have I?"

"Oh, pray tell," Emmett said, leaning in and grinning.

"It's not even that good of a story," I said, rolling my eyes.

"That's just because you can't appreciate the beauty behind it, Bella. See, Rosalie would love this –" he winked over at where Rose was sprawled out on the grass next to Emmett, "There was this old roadie at the festival in Arizona, and he had driven the Mustang up from Tucson. And when everybody was packing up to leave, he couldn't get it started. He had a tow truck on the phone when I offered to give him a hand. He told me that if I could get it started before the tow truck showed up, that I could have it. Guess he must have been sick of the tribulations that come along with driving classic car." I snorted his use of the word 'classic' and Jasper shot me a glare before continuing, "He said he was ready to get his hundred bucks for scraps and be done with it. But I guess he must have been in a giving mood. So, well, I went to work." He shrugged. "Bella, of course, told me it was a waste of time."

"Bella!" Emmett chastised, his mouth agape. Rose shushed him and leaned in closer to Jasper.

"It was a waste of time. He had virtually no tools."

Jasper held up his hand, quieting me. "But I collected what I could… and what do you know, just as the tow truck pulled into the parking lot, the Mustang fired up."

"And it was the happiest moment of his life," I added sarcastically. "I mean, nothing like a little suspense. Aro had to go piss like seven times in that hour you worked on the car. I thought we were going to have to try and revive him next! But Jasper swears he could have had it stared after twenty minutes, but he just wanted to put on a show."

"I did!"

"Sure, Jasper."

"Bells-"

"Jazz-"

We looked at each other and grinned.

"So he gave you the car, just like that?" Rose asked, practically on top of Emmett in an attempt to get closer to hear Jasper's story.

"Yep. He signed the pink slips over to me and, voila! My dream car."

"And we listened to Trooper for a solid month after that in celebration."

"Bella, I won a fucking car."

"But it wasn't bright and it wasn't white! And there was only one guy, and—"

"What in the hell are you two talking about?" Alice interrupted us, looking between Jasper and I in bewilderment. Jasper's face broke out into a grin and mine followed.

"It's… you know what? It's not a big deal, Al," I said. "The important part is that immediately after the Mustang Victory, Aro definitely tried to kill us as a good-bye present."

"What?" everybody screeched together.

Jasper laughed, shaking his head slowly. "Bella, don't be dramatic. He took us whitewater rafting," he explained. "In the Colorado River, at the Grand Canyon. And Bella, apparently, isn't a fan of white water rafting."

"It was pretty scary."

"But it was pretty fucking fun."

"Yeah…" I agreed with a sigh. "It was."

I looked over at Jasper and our gazes met as we reminisced. I tried not to feel sad that this was the end of all this. This was all we had left – only the stories of our travels. No more driving all night with the top down and stereo turned all the way up, no more racing through the parking lot of a small gas station in the middle of nowhere to be the first one to the bathroom because it had been forever since we'd last stopped. It was the end – and as much as I'd already come to terms with that… I was going to fucking miss it.

"I went whitewater rafting," Tanya chimed in, and I turned to her slowly, my mind still trying to process the fact that she was still here. And that she hadn't opened her mouth in the past five minutes. "We went down to Colorado, Spring Break of sophomore year," she continued, "I didn't think it was scary at all. It was a blast. You were there, weren't you, Edward?"

"No, I wasn't." I didn't know if it was just wishful thinking, but it sounded to me like Edward was annoyed. A part of me was cheering inside because hell all I wanted to do was to tell the bitch to shut the fuck up and let me have a moment with my best friend who was going to be leaving me in less than twenty-four hours.

"No, I'm sure you were there. We stayed in the huge cabin at Donny's mom and dads. And remember, Chrissy and Andy refused to come out of their rooms the entire week? And then-" Tanya started laughing but Edward cut her off.

"I didn't go with you guys that year," he said flatly. "I was sick. I remember. Trust me."

"All right, all right," Tanya said, still laughing slightly. "You're probably right. But that was a wild trip."

"Though I'm sure it was week-long bender that ended up with you at two different musical festivals clear across the country from each other and then in a raft heading the Colorado River, right?" Jasper cut in and I couldn't help but mentally fist-pump at his words.

"Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure you've got me beat there," Tanya agreed, smiling widely over at Jasper, and for a moment I swear it looked like she had her teeth bared in an evil snarl.

I shuddered at the image, and immediately felt Edward's hand on my back. "You okay? You cold?" he asked softly before placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"No I'm… I'm good." I smiled and curled into his side, and as childish and unnecessary as it was, a part of me wanted to stick my tongue out in Tanya's direction. But I'd look like a fucking lunatic, considering she really hadn't done anything to warrant my bitchiness. I just wasn't used to having competition when it came to Edward – we were each other's first and only back in the day. And god, how I missed that sometimes. No exes, no baggage, no history.

It all seemed to simple back then.

I grabbed my smokes from the ground beside me and I lit two, because Edward had forgotten his at home. And I leaned my head on his shoulder, just breathing him in. I felt him let out a long breath into my hair. And despite the chaos ensuing around us, the moment felt to serene.

But it seemed that all too soon our moment of peace was being disrupted as the derby came to a close. The guys were tossing around words like "barbeque" and "steak" and I felt my stomach growling in agreement as I tried to block out a conversation between Alice and Tanya. For some reason I sensed some tension between the two girls, and was relieved to see that Alice wasn't exactly Team Tanya, either.

So we began to pack up our things and piled into vehicles, heading back to Alice and Edward's for food and drinks before Alice and I had to be back at the bar. Tanya had to pass on dinner but promised she'd stop by The Whiskey later and buy us all a round. She waved good-bye and went skipping off in the opposite direction than I had expected, making her way towards the now demolished cars and waving at Jake. I shrugged to myself as I watched her, not knowing enough about anybody's situation to even guess what that was about.

We rode back to Edward and Alice's with the top down, honking and laughing at the vehicles that drove by waving giant American flags out their windows. The patriotic spirit of the celebration seemed contagious. When we arrived at the house, Emmett threw his arms over my shoulder as we walked down the stone path the led to the backyard and I smiled up at him.

"You all right?" he asked, his voice low. He ducked his head down to speak into my ear.

"…Yeah," I answered slowly, my gaze finding Jasper where he stood on the patio with Alice, already handing out cold cans of beer. I watched as he spiraled one to Edward and as Edward caught it, they both looked at each other and grinned. Their newfound bromance made me smile. "Yeah, I think… I think I'm gonna be just fine."

"You're tough, Swan," Emmett said, squeezing me slightly. "You've been through a lot of shit, and you deserve to be happy, you know."

"Thanks, Em." I leaned my head on his shoulder, and as we approached our smiling, laughing group of friends, I truly believe that everything was going to be all right. Because for one moment, I let myself believe that I really could have it all.

But I should have known better than that.

x.x.x

We hung out in the backyard for a couple of hours. The guys grilled burgers and we played Beersbee, knocking empty beer cans off of tiki torches with a Frisbee. It was guys against girls, which probably wasn't fair because neither Alice nor I were really all that good. Rose, on the other hand, gave Edward, Jasper and Emmett all a run for their money. But by the time Jasper started up the Mustang and Alice and I were getting ready to head down to The Whiskey, we were both pretty drunk. But we were all good and buzzed, so we didn't think much of it.

And I had almost forgotten about… everything. Snapping on Edward, Jasper leaving, Tanya… just, everything. The sun was still out, the guys had just cooked us an amazing dinner, and I was having a blast with my friends. And I felt like… well… like I was on top of the world. Yeah, Jasper was leaving, but all I had to do was look at Edward and know that everything was going to be okay.

I caught Edward in a leaping-hug before we left, spilling his beer on his shirt and then laughing like a maniac about it. He grinned, wrapping his arms around me to hold me to him, and kissed my chin, which really only made me laugh harder. I could feel the dampness of the beer on his shirt soaking into mine, but I didn't pull away.

"Hi," I mumbled against his skin, my lips pressed to his neck.

"Hi," he replied, and I felt his lips curl into a smile against my cheek, "Are you even going to be able to pour drinks tonight?"

"I'll be fiiiine." I pulled back, waving him off. "It's just a little buzz. I've been drunker."

"Now that I believe." I knew he meant it as a joke, but his words still stung.

"Can we not?"

He looked down. "Sorry."

I knew he meant it, and I really didn't want to get into it, so I brushed it off. "It's all right. Now look, I really do have to get going."

"Okay, but I just wanted to make sure you're cool with Tanya dropping by later? Because I can tell her not to-"

"Edward," I interrupted him by pressing my lips to his. I pulled back, grinning. "It's okay. Really. I mean, yeah she's a bit annoying and superficial but… I find that most girls are, anyway. It's just weird… wrapping my head around the fact that you even have an ex. That's just shit I've never had to deal with before. But that's no reason for me to go all psyco-controlling-freakshow girlfriend on you."

"That wouldn't make you a psyco-controlling-freakshow," Edward laughed, wrapping his arms more tightly around me. He brought his lips to the top of my head, and I pressed my cheek into his chest, inhaling deeply. "It makes you human. I can't even imagine how I'd react if I had to watch you hang around one of your exes. Just promise me you'll keep and eye on her, Bella, she can be very-"

"Edward"?

I felt him smile. "Hm?"

"I love you."

The words sounded so good in my head, but once they left my mouth they hung awkwardly in the air between us. Edward stiffened ever so slightly, inhaling sharply. And I cringed, my drunken mind struggling to process just why in the hell this was such a bad thing to have said. I pulled away to find him looking at me, his eyes wide in a deer-in-the-headlights kind of way.

"What?" I asked, my voice confused and hurt.

He shook his head slowly. "You're drunk."

"Doesn't mean it's not true," I said, unable to meet his gaze any longer.

His mouth opened and closed a few times like he was struggling to find the right words.

"Alice and Jasper are waiting for you," he said finally, his voice quiet. "I'll see you in a bit, Bella."

He turned his back, his head ducked down and his shoulders hunched, and I stood there, blinking back tears as I watched him walk away.

x.x.x

Alice watched me carefully the entire drive to The Whiskey. She could tell that something was obviously up. And I had to hand it to her, she waited until we'd unlocked the front door and taken down all the chairs before she gently asked what was wrong. So, in the few minutes of silence we had before the bar opened up, I told her about what had happened when Edward and I had parted ways earlier. And she'd hugged me, so simple and warm, and told me everything was going to be just fine.

"You just caught him off guard, Bella," she told me, "And I'm sure you know that Edward doesn't deal well with surprises of that nature. He loves you though, Bella, you know he does."

"I know he did," I grumbled, downing a shot of Jack Daniels. Alice watched me, her frown disapproving. "But his reaction was like – like I'd told him I was fucking pregnant or something." I closed my eyes, letting the whiskey work its way through my veins. My fingers wrapped around the cool glass of the bottle as I poured another shaky shot. "I'd say I wish I could take it back, but I don't. I meant it, you know. I shouldn't have to be afraid to tell the person I love how much I care about him! It shouldn't make me feel like this." I threw back the shot, swallowing quickly and fighting back a shiver. Gently, Alice removed my fingers from the bottle and placed it back on the shelf behind her.

"Do you think he loves me?" I asked, hanging my head.

"I don't think he ever really stopped," Alice responded quietly.

I stared off toward the back of the bar, my vision beginning to swim. "Today had been real shitty, you know. We had our first fight this morning. Then Jasper… Jasper's leaving. And Tanya… now this. And I was having so much fun earlier… and now… now I just want this day to be over." I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging on the ends in frustration.

"Bella?"

"Huh?"

"Are you PMS-ing?"

My cringe turned into a giggle, and I shook my head. "No, Alice, but thanks for asking."

"Hey, you can never be too sure." Her smile melted into a concerned look, "If you're really not up to it, I can see if Emmett or Jake will cover for you," she said, "You can go back to my place and relax."

I shook my head. "Jasper's leaving tomorrow." And just like that, I was crying. "I'm sorry," I apologized as Alice came and wrapped me in a hug, my tears falling on her shirt.

"And you're sure you're not PMS-ing?" she giggled.

"Alice!" I wailed, laughing through my tears. "I'm not! I'm just… I don't know. Just… please don't tell Jasper when he gets back here," I made her promise. "I don't want him to have to worry about this… whatever it is."

"Okay," she agreed quietly, smoothing back my hair. "Now come on, let's go get cleaned up. I'm pretty sure I still have dirt on my face from when I fell in the flowerbed trying to catch that Frisbee." And I smiled as I followed her, because she still did.

x.x.x

Any thoughts before you head over to the next chapter?