Chapter 22: Running Red Lights

Just so no one is confused, this is the second of two updates today. If you ended up on this chapter first by accident, just head back to Ch21 :)

Thanks so much for reading xoxo

We run on fumes
Your life and mine
Like the sands of time
Slippin' right on through

I Run to You - Lady Antebellum

x.x.x

Bella.

Edward was exponentially more drunk when he, Jasper, Rose and Emmett finally walked through the door. I could see it right away. His eyes were bloodshot, his arrogant stroll just a little too fluid. Emmett let out a loud whoop when the four of them approached the bar, and I turned my back, wondering if it would be too melodramatic of me to throw something. It wasn't fair that they could all sit around getting hammered, and Edward had to be on my case about me drinking. Just because his dad was a fucking alcoholic didn't mean everybody in his life was. I was twenty-two damn years old and sometimes I just needed a fucking drink, just like every other person in this bar. And all I wanted to do was run over to the bar and yell those words in his face, but I managed to stop myself. It was Jasper's last night. I wanted it to be drama free. And I didn't want him to witness an argument between Edward and I and turn into over-protective Jasper mode and change his mind about leaving. Because as badly as I wanted him to stay, I knew he had to go.

So I kept busy – the bar was just as hectic as we'd imagined and Edward knew better than to get in our way when we were so busy. Alice poured the drinks and I served them, keeping my distance from Edward until I began to cool down. Eventually Jake came in to help, first giving Alice a break, and then me. And when it was my turn I really had no choice but to go sit with the rest of the group.

"We're doing shots for Jasper," Emmett informed me when I sat down, his charming grin impossible to resist. "Whatever shot you choose, he has to do it – but so do you." His hand was on Rose's knee, his big blue eyes sad despite the smile on his face. It was then that I realized that watching Jasper leave would be almost as hard for him as it was going to be for me.

Jasper looked up at me, his bleary drunk eyes pleading me to go easy on him. But we both knew I wouldn't. I laughed, beginning to loosen up, and slipped behind the bar, reaching for bottles around Jake as he lined up glasses for drinks. Jasper tried to peek over the bar as I mixed the two shots, but Rose shooed him away, watching me with a mischievous grin. I put the bottles away, sliding the shots over the counter. Jasper eyed them warily.

"What is it?"

"It's called a Bleeding Liver."

He picked it up, making a face. "What's in it?"

"Try it and find out."

He looked at me, sighing. "I must really love ya, Bells," he muttered before clinking his shot against mine and tipping his head back. When I swallowed and set the glass back down on the counter, my eyes automatically sought out Edward, but he was gone.

Jasper licked his lips as he handed me his glass. "That was nowhere near as bad as Emmett's," he told me.

I looked across the counter at Em, cringing. "It didn't involve bodily fluids, did it?"

"A gentleman never tells," he winked.

"Emmett! Gross."

He laughed and beckoned me around the counter. "You're such a prude, Swan. Get your ass over here." Making a face at him, I obliged, smacking Emmett lightly in the back of the head before settling myself down in Jasper's lap.

I sat around with them for a while, trying to keep up with their conversations but gluing my eyes on the clock and the door all the while, awaiting Edward's return. But there was no sign of him. With only a few minutes left in my break, I grabbed a cigarette and clenched my now empty pack and a lighter in my fist as I slipped out the back door, hoping for a little privacy so I could collect my thoughts before I had to get back to work. But of course, it was there I found Edward. He was sitting in the alley, his back against the brick wall and his head in his hands. I paused in the doorway, taking a deep breath, before leaning my back against the wall and lighting my cigarette.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, without looking up. For a second I wondered how he knew it was me, then I realize it was just one of those things.

His head titled up to me, his green eyes full of apologies and his hair glowing copper in the setting sunlight, reminding me so much of our very first meeting. Back when we thought we knew everything… back when we knew nothing at all.

"I just never expected to say it again, you know?" he went on, sounding like he was struggling with the right words to say, "And… I guess I just hadn't thought about it… I mean, of course I do, Bella, you know I do… it's just harder to say out loud than I expected. And I think… maybe without the alcohol, it would have been harder for you to say, too. And I didn't want it to be like that."

"We're almost twenty-three, you know," I stated, my voice strangely detached. I rolled my cigarette between my fingertips, watching as the ash floated slowly towards the pavement at my feet. "We need to stop acting like teenagers."

He looked up at me, surprised. "We're not-"

I cut him off with a sigh. "I feel like we're having the same fights we would have had in high school… and handling it the same, too. We can't just default back to that, Edward. We fight, we ignore each other a few hours, then we make up. But we're not sixteen anymore, we've grown up – or we're supposed to have. And when someone tells you they love you, you're not supposed to act like the world is ending, especially if you claim to love them back. And if something's wrong, tell me, don't just push me away." I glanced over at him. "You know, maybe I'm the runaway… but you do a lot of running yourself."

He slouched even further, and I could tell I hit the nail on the head. "I'm sorry," was all he managed, his voice meek.

"I don't want your apologies, and I don't want your excuses. I just need to know. Do you love me, Edward?"

"Yes, Bella," he breathed, his words a prayer.

"Then say it."

He looked down again. "I can't… not now. It's just not right."

"Is it ever right?" I wondered.

"Yes," he said firmly.

I let out a long breath, and we fell into silence. I chewed on my thumbnail, trying to stop myself from thinking too much about the fact that he hadn't said it, or wondering just what exactly he was so afraid of. I glanced over at him, trying to push all my anxiety aside, and glimpsed at the light reflecting off the glass of a beer bottle sitting on the ground between his legs.

"You can't make me feel like shit all the time about drinking," I said, breaking the silence slowly, knowing I was treading lightly on another landmine but unable to stop. "I realize that maybe… maybe I do drink more than I should. But you have to understand that for a long time, I didn't have much consistency in my life. And it's nice, you know, to have something that can remind you of home. And that bottle... that was it for me." I felt a sad smile play at the corner of my lips as I recalled my family; Jasper, Jack Daniels, and me.

"You have a home now, Bella."

The smile faded, and I tossed my cigarette butt on the ground. "I know."

He looked over at me, and we just stared at each other, and I got the feeling that he was looking for something as his green eyes assessed mine. I didn't know if he found it or not, but when I shifted uncomfortably his eyes flickered across the darkening alley.

"You're okay with Jasper leaving?" he changed the subject again, and it was then that I realized how much was really going unsaid between us.

I hesitated. "Not okay… but Jasper, well, he has to do his own thing."

He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it quickly, his gaze still fixed somewhere on the street across from him. "All right," he said instead.

I wanted to ask him what was "all right" exactly, but Alice chose that moment to stick her head out the back door. "Hey," she said, her eyes apologetic. "Sorry, but, um, it's getting pretty busy in here."

"I'll be right there," I promised, and walked to the dumpster and tossed my empty pack in as Edward got to his feet. When I'd turned around, the door had swung shut and Alice had disappeared back inside.

"Come here," he said simply, holding his arms open for me and I pressed myself into his chest, my arms clenched around his torso, wondering why I felt farther away from him now than I had in years.

x.x.x

Alice hadn't been kidding. The bar was packed. For the next hour or so I stumbled and weaved around people as I brought drinks to full tables, stuffed bills in my apron, and counted out change. I snuck a few drinks in when Embry and Quil insisted on buying me shots of whatever they happened to be drinking at the time. And I even managed to be decently pleasant to Tanya when she finally showed up, ordering a Jack and Diet and earning an eye-roll from Alice as she poured it. But there seemed to be some unstated animosity between the two of us now, as if the truce at the park at been called off, and I felt, for the first time, that she wasn't going to let go of Edward as easily as it had seemed. Which really, considering everything, was just about perfect timing.

"Bella," she greeted me with the slight nod of her head, tipping back her glass tumbler and taking a sip. I glanced up at her and forced a tight smile as I loaded up my tray with beer to take to a group playing pool in the back.

"I didn't realize you worked here too. That must… keep you busy." This time I knew I wasn't imagining the contempt in her voice.

"It's a great job. We have a lot of fun. And the money keeps me fed," I replied shortly, grabbing a rag and swiping angrily at nonexistent spills on the counter.

Tanya raised her eyebrows and nodded slowly. "Hmmm…"

"What?" I asked.

"Well… it's just," she leaned across the bar towards me, lowering her voice, "See, Edward's always been something of a gentleman. He really likes to take care of his women, if you know what I mean."

I felt my entire body stiffen. "That's great, but I really don't need Edward to take care of me," I said shortly.

"Maybe so, but Bella, I see you've become close with some very good friends of mine. Therefore, I consider us to be friends," she gestured between the two of us innocently, but the look in her eye said that we were anything but friends. "And as your friend… I think you should know that if Edward were really serious about having you in his life, he'd never let you work in a place like this. The man has more money then he knows what to do with, trust me. And like I said, he likes to take care of his women." She took another sip of her drink, shaking her head in mock sympathy as her eyes assessed me.

I tossed the rag angrily in the sink behind me, whipping back to face Tanya. "Believe it or not, I don't need to rely on Edward's money to survive. I can take care of myself," I spat, narrowing my eyes. "And if Edward were concerned about keeping me he'd know better than to even suggest that I live off his money. I don't need that kind of 'taking care of'. But thanks so much for your concern, friend."

A slow smile spread on Tanya's lips, a smile that did not extend to the rest of her face. She stirred her drink lazily, her gaze slowly meeting mine, "Just watch out, Bella. He's got a short attention span, this one. I'm just saying that maybe you should get everything from him while you can, before he walks away from you for some two-bit barmaid." The smile on her lips grew as she pushed herself off the stool and waltzed away.

I gripped the counter with shaking hands, fuming silently as I watched her take a seat at the table beside Edward. I felt Alice's hand covering mine, slowly loosening my grip on the counter. I dropped my arms to my sides, allowing myself to relax when she touched my shoulder soothingly. "What did she do?" she asked. Without even waiting for an answer, she continued, "Don't let you get to her, Bella. I've never liked that bitch. She's just trying to get under your skin. And if she wasn't practically my cousin, I'd… I'd…"

"Alice, don't worry about it," I said, my attention still on the table across the room. "I'll handle her." I glared at her from behind her back as I watched her lean into Edward at the table where they sat, all laughing about something. I felt helpless, like I was watching the last few weeks dissolve before my eyes. But Edward had promised me… he didn't want her anymore. This wasn't about stupid fights and those unsaid words, this was about me and him, Edward and Bella, and it wasn't a game anymore. And I didn't care what Tanya was playing at, she didn't know what she was coming between. She didn't know how long I'd waited for this, and no stupid fights and no ex-girlfriends were going to ruin it for me. That I was sure of.

But then I thought of my conversation with Edward in the alley, and they way he had just looked at me. And though I pushed it aside, I couldn't help but think that maybe… just maybe, he was having second thoughts. And as I forced myself to get back to work, I watched him finish off another beer and couldn't help but think that maybe he wasn't ready to leave his hard partying ways behind just yet. And I couldn't help but fear that maybe… just maybe… Tanya knew this, and maybe Tanya knew him better that I ever would.

"-Bella? Bellaaaa?"

I snapped out of my thoughts when a hand waved in front of my face. Shaking myself, I looked up at the owner of that hand to find Emmett watching me, a bemused expression on his face.

"You shouldn't think so hard, Swan," Emmett leaned down, his heavy hand clapping my shoulder, "You're likely to pull something, you know."

"Sorry," I said, smiling up at him meekly.

"Oh, don't apologize," he continued on, a mischievous glint in his blue eyes, "You know how I just adore watching your pain."

I rolled my eyes. "You're such a good friend, Emmett."

He puffed his chest out proudly. "I am, aren't I?"

I shook my head, laughing to myself. "So… what can I get you?"

"Huh?"

"…To drink." I gestured impatiently to the bar behind me. "You know, that's generally how a bar works. People gather here… you order a drink, and then I bring it to you. Then you socialize… bust a move… throw on a lampshade… you know, whatever."

"Ah, so that's what this is." Emmett looked around, scratching his head in mock confusion. Then his face broke out into a grin, "Nah, I just came to harass you. I feel like you're getting left out of this nice little soiree."

I glanced over at the table, where Edward was leaning back in his chair and Tanya was talking animatedly, both of them grinning. "Yeah," I said bitterly, turning back to Em.

Emmett put his hand on my arm, his touch surprisingly gentle for such an immense man. "What did she say?"

I blinked up at him in shock. "What do you mean?"

He rolled his eyes. "It's written all over your face. Just… don't worry about that bimbo, Bells. If it helps, Alice and Rose don't seem to like her very much, the only thing Jake seems interested in is her tits, and Jasper's been making fun of her since she sat down. Except… I'm not sure she's smart enough to realize he's making fun of her. And me? Well, I'd be in the same boat as Jake is if Rose wasn't sitting right next to me watching me like a hawk. But Tanya doesn't hold a candle to Bella fucking Swan."

"Thanks, Em," I said halfheartedly, because I noticed that a certain person seemed to be left out of Emmett's little Tanya-bashing role call. I glanced back over at Edward, watching as Tanya whispered something in his ear. A jealousy I had never known before stirred in my chest as I watched them both get up from their chairs and slink out the back door without a glance backwards. But I couldn't help but notice a satisfied looking smile on the lips of Tanya as they made their exit, and I had a feeling that she knew exactly what she was doing to me.

I shook my head and turned my back and returned to serving tables, a forced smile on my lips until the first loud crack exploded somewhere outside the building. I started, looking around in surprise only to see that hardly anyone seemed as panicked over the sound as I was. People started grabbing jackets and moving outside, and I looked across the bar to Alice, my confusion written clearly on my face.

"It's the fireworks," she explained with a giggle. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she confirmed it with a nod, "They start at eleven. You ready for a break, woman?"

I tossed my tray on the bar and slipped out of my apron, and nodded "Am I ever."

"Come on," Alice said, skipping around the counter to join me. Linking her arm with mine, we headed towards the front door, leaving Jake to supervise the few straggling customers. We stepped out the door just as a ball of blue light shot into the dark night sky, erupting with a crack before it began showering toward the ground as if in slow motion. The appropriate ahhhh resounded from the crowd gathered in the parking lot.

The night air was a lot chillier than I had expected, and Alice tightened her grip on my arm in an effort to share body heat. "I just love fireworks," she stated, bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet as she used her free hand to rub up and down her exposed arm. I smiled to myself, not surprised by the statement. Alice generally liked things that were sparkly and bright. She glanced over at me as the next firework lit up the sky, misreading my smile, "Are you feeling better?"

I shrugged. "Tanya makes me want to throw things, but I'll be all right."

"You sure? You and Edward talked, huh?"

"Yeah…"

"That doesn't sound very good."

I shrugged. "No, it's fine. It's just been a weird night. He's been weird tonight. I didn't expect him to, like, completely ignore me when Tanya got here. But, whatever. He's got to do what he's got to do."

Alice glanced over her should and then smirked at me. "Well, I wish guys ignored me like Edward ignores you, because he's heading right this way." I glanced behind us to see Edward weaving through the crowd, his eyes set on where Alice and I stood. His eyes at a mischievous, excited glint in them, and he smiled when our gazes met. I smiled back, wondering what in the hell he had to be so happy about. But then I reminded myself that it was Tanya's words, not his that had made me so upset. He didn't deserve to be punished for thing's she had said to me – hell, he probably had no idea she was being such a bitch to me.

Alice dropped my arm. "I'm… just gonna go bug Jasper for a bit. See ya!" With a peck on the cheek, she went rushing across the parking lot. I slowly turned to face Edward as a firework cracked in the air above me. I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans in an effort to warm them and smiled up at Edward.

"There you are," he greeted me, his lips landing somewhere around my hairline and his arms wrapping around my body. He pulled away almost instantly, "Jesus, Bella, you're freezing. Here, I thought you might need this," he unfolded the jacket he had hanging from his arm and draped it gently around my shoulders before I could even protest. "It cools down here at night, especially when the sky is so clear," he informed me. I smiled to myself and had to refrain from mocking him. I wasn't an idiot – but my little scientist was so cute. He gently freed my hair from under the jacket and then pulled the collar tight around my neck, "Better?" he asked.

"Much," I replied softly, leaning into his chest. My forehead pressed against his collarbone and his arms wound themselves around my waist, his cool fingers slipping under the jacket and under my shirt. I shivered against him and he let out a soft laugh.

"I've missed you… I feel like I haven't seen you all night," he said, his fingers digging into the small of my back as he tried to pull me closer. His head ducked down and a moment later I felt his soft lips against my ear. He hummed gently in my ear, yanking me harder against him.

I laughed, swatting him teasingly. "Edward," I chastised. "I know. And when I have seen you… we've been fighting. Or you've been trying to get some, apparently."

"Yeah, that really needs to stop."

"Which? The fighting or the getting some?"

"The fighting. Definitely the fighting. Unless…" his voice trailed off, "well, make-up sex is always good."

"Edward," I laughed. I hadn't seen him the wound-up in… well… ever. "What are you, seventeen again? How much have you had to drink?"

"Enough to appreciate the absolute sexiness of my girl." His hands slipped down and he squeezed my ass tightly just as his lips touched my neck.

I couldn't help myself – I threw back my head and laughed. "Edward, please. They'll be plenty of time for that later."

"Only if you promise," he said, his hands squeezing my ass a little more gently this time.

"I promise."

That seemed to satiate him. He wound his arms back around my waist, pulling me so I was snuggled against his chest. We were silent for a moment, the air exploding around us. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and opened my mouth to ask him where he'd gone with Tanya before the fireworks started, but thought better of it. I didn't want to talk about her or even think about her when Edward and I were having our first real moment of alone time in what felt like all day.

"So have you been having a good night? You know… despite the fact your boyfriend has been such a total fuck-up today… and ignoring the fact that this is a good-bye party of sorts for your best friend…"

"And the fact that my boyfriend's ex has decided to pop in?" I added in a teasing tone, the fact that he'd actually used the word boyfriend for the first time in five years not escaping my attention.

Edward pulled back slightly and looked down at me, laughing. "Uh… yeah. This must be kind of a shitty night for you then, huh?"

I shrugged, pulling his body back to mine. "It's getting better," I said, my voice muffled against his chest.

Edward hugged me tightly then laughed, his body shaking against mine, "So are you just gonna stay curled up in there, or do you want to watch some fireworks?"

"I'm good," I murmured, "I actually want to stay here as long as possible, if that's okay."

I felt his lips brush the top of my head, "That's more than okay."

x.x.x

I hated that the fireworks had to end. Despite the fact that I was surrounded by half-plastered customers, if was nice. It was peaceful. But duty called, and as soon as people began making their way back into the warmth of the bar, I knew I had to follow.

"And that's my cue…" I sighed, pulling back out of Edward's embrace as Alice went skipping by us, calling out my name in a singsong voice.

Edward grinned down at me, "Just a couple more hours though, then you're all mine." The spark of excitement in his eyes made me shiver. "I'll see you inside? I'm just gonna go have a quick smoke."

"Oooh actually, I think I might join you. I'll see if Alice and Jake will be okay for a few more minutes."

"Sure," Edward nodded, "I'll just go grab Jasper and Em. I'll meet you out back?"

"Okay," I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed his mouth gently. "Do you have any? I ran out."

"I think I threw a half a pack in the pocket of that jacket earlier. Help yourself. I'll be right behind you." With a wave of his hand, he disappeared into the crowd. I let out a long sigh, and then forced myself to get moving. As much as I was dreading going back to work after that nice little break, Edward was right. Only a few more hours, and then we could go home for the real fireworks show. I frowned to myself. I wish I'd thought of that one earlier.

I made my way through the crowds, and almost tripped trying to walk and shove my arms through the jacket at the same time. But I managed to catch myself before I face planted on the concrete and did any real damage. I heard a chuckle from beside me and saw the back of Emmett's head disappearing through the door. I stuck my tongue out in his general direction as I entered the warmth of the bar somewhere behind him.

Jake waved me away as I told him I was going for a quick smoke, and I nodded towards the back door as I passed Alice so she'd know where I was. I knew there was no use in trying to shout over the crowd. I shoved my hands into the deep pockets of Edward jacket, seeking out his smokes and a lighter, and paused when something else fell into my palm with the cardboard cigarette pack.

At first I thought it was a piece of garbage, and old wrapper or something, but the weight of it in my palm made me take a second look. And then I froze. I stared down dumbly at my hands, the cigarette pack lying on the floor forgotten. I stared down at the bag, and even though I knew what it was my brain was working furiously, trying to convince myself that I was wrong. That this just didn't come from the pocket of Edward's jacket. That this wasn't what I thought it was.

I pinched the tiny bag between my fingertips and thumb and then slowly my gaze traveled up. I saw him almost instantly – his hair always stood out in a crowd. I stared at him, at his smiling face as he laughed with someone I couldn't see. I looked at him. And then down at the bag. Then up at Edward. Edward. The bag. Sparkling green eyes. Eyes that reminded me terrifying glint from that night, that night that felt like a completely different lifetime ago, in his bed, the night he told me about this… his addiction. The bag. Edward's sparkling eyes.

My heart was pounding, everything around me was loud, so fucking loud. But I was frozen. Because this was in Edward's pocket.

For a second, I thought I might pass out. And it was finally a hand on my arm that snapped me out of it. I looked up slowly and I couldn't even guess as to what my expression was. Horrified? Probably. Jasper was grinning, but when his eyes met mine, the smile slide quickly from his face. I watched as his gaze traveled down to what was sitting in my hand. And I couldn't move.

"Bella. Where did you get that?" Jasper hissed in my ear, his fingers curling around mine and trapping it between my trembling fingers. Out of sight. Right.

Because I was standing in the middle of a crowded bar holding illegal drugs. Right.

"It's – it's not mine," I finally stammered. I looked back across the bar to where Edward was practically doubled over in laughter, his hand on someone's back. It didn't take long for Jasper to put it all together.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

I felt the bile rising in my throat and I realized I had to get out. I had to get the fuck out. I moved before Jasper did, sprinting across the bar, pushing my way through the crowd, and I didn't stop. I hardly slowed as I passed Edward and shoved the tiny plastic bag at his chest as I passed. I didn't get to see his reaction because I was out the door before he even realized what I'd found. The door slammed loudly behind me and I ran.

x.x.x

So before anyone sends me hate-mail over leaving you guys with yet ANOTHER cliffy, just know that Chapter 23 is currently with my beta (who rocks hard, btw.) Updates should be semi-frequent over the next few weeks, so there won't be too much waiting (aka months) between chapters.

Thanks for reading. I'll be hiding out in the batcave for the next few days.