Chapter 10: Redemption.
Rem hadn't been expecting a lesser response. Autumn wasn't going to take kindly to his approach but by now, he was ready for it. He cleared his throat and set his crutch aside before stepping further towards her, with a limp. "Don't come closer," she commanded, and so he stopped and held his hands up to show her he wasn't going to go out of line. "There are some things I feel I have to say," the way he spoke was calm, but there was a certain kind of severity to it that made it clear that he was taking the moment seriously. Autumn, however, wasn't going to have it, "You don't have anything to say to me. We said everything we needed to say to each other a couple of days ago." Rem shook his head, "We're far from telling each other everything that needs to be said." Autumn grunted in irritation, "Why don't you just leave?" "I'm not the kind of guy you think I am."
Autumn snapped back, but not loudly, "Yes you are. You're a pathetic drunk with a gun who likes to play hero occasionally." Those words stung, but because he was sober, he handled them so differently. It was so easy for him to process that she was emotional and simply let it go that it was surprising. How could he had slapped her? Even if he was drunk? "Let me explain myself," when he said that, she inhaled and exhaled, still unsettled by his persistence. At this point in time, the guards that could see them gave the moment their attention. "Keep an eye," one of them said, and the other nodded. Meanwhile, Rem continued, "I want to start by telling you, with all the sincerity I've got, that I understand your feelings and that by my account, you're more than privileged to feel the way you do towards me." When he said that, it reminded Autumn of what she had just been talking to Gail about. He did remember. She turned her head and glanced at his eyes and at that moment, he was glancing back at her. She didn't need anything more than that look, that fully-open eye glance, to know that he remembered that she had almost killed him once. She looked away.
He saw the way she had stared at him and looked away, and he also knew that he had gotten the message across. It was okay that once upon a time, she wanted to kill him. It really honestly was. After a long pause, she spoke, "Is that it?" Rem shook his head and let his arms lay lax at his sides, "No." Autumn remained seated, but she wouldn't look at him anymore. "This might not matter much but I feel like it's something you should know," he paused, waiting for her to make a quip about not wanting to hear it, but when she didn't say a thing whatsoever, he continued, "I'm making a pledge. A promise. One that'll keep me from ever, and I mean ever, letting someone suffer the way your brother did if I'm around to do something about it." The tone with which he spoke was sincere. Utterly, incontrovertibly, sincere. "Because I'm so, so sorry, Autumn, that he's gone." Just when she hadn't felt the haunting grief of her brother's passing for a comfortable while, she felt a light sting in her heart that was anything but subtle. "Stop it," she commanded, almost choking up. Rem stopped. He didn't want her to cry but at the same time, he had to say what he was going to say.
"Another thing," he glanced at her, closely, but he couldn't see her face under those red strands of hair that shadowed her countenance over. "I want to help you. I want to help you any way I can. Anything you need, please ask me."
"You can help her by getting the fuck away from her." When he heard that voice, he immediately knew who it was. It was Gail, and the venom she spewed somehow managed to chill him. It actually worried him. When he turned around and glanced on her facial features, he saw a flame burning in her eyes. He also saw the way she was holding her plasma rifle in her hands. She was holding it calmly, gently, like she didn't have to grip it too tightly in a moment like this. She was just so used to killing that drawing her weapon and having it so readily available was common. "I've said all I needed to say," he said, as he held his hands up to show her that he didn't pose a threat. She responded, "You didn't need to say anything, jackass." With Gail, he was against a wall. There was just nothing he could say to her. She was too volatile. One wrong statement and he could end up being vaporized. "You just needed to stay away from her. I don't want to ever see you near her again, do you understand me?" Rem kept his hands up as she approached him and got in his face, looking up at him, switching her gaze from one of his eyes to the other with the most intense hatred he had ever seen in his life.
"Understood," he responded. What happened next surprised even Rem. She spat in his face, and when she did, he closed his eyes and reached towards it. The viscous fluid trailed down his face, onto his hand, and he whipped his hand towards the floor to get the bulk of it off. Any other time, any other person, he thought, this would have been intolerable. His comprehensive side, however, simply kept telling him that so long as Gail didn't pull the trigger, there was nothing to worry about. "Now get out of my sight," she commanded. He started walking past her, and once he was a good ways from her, he became infuriated. It didn't matter if you had all the composure in the world at hand. When someone spits in your face, you get mad, and Rem was no exception. This time, however, he wasn't drunk enough to let anger govern his actions.
Gail set the plasma rifle down and approached Autumn. "Are you alright, honey?" she asked, and autumn lifted her head. There were tears, and that made Gail angry. "I'm alright. Thanks." Gail frowned and reached out to her face and wiped tears away with her gentle fingers. Autumn was comforted by it. "What'd he say?" Autumn shook her head but eventually responded, "He said sorry." Gail paused before she sat down next to her, thoughts traversing her mind like a pre world freeway. "Unless he said sorry for being born, I wont approve." Instantly, Autumn smiled. She even managed a laugh, under her breath as it was. What was it about Gail that she always managed to make light of every situation? "Thanks." Gail nodded, "Of course. Chin up."
Rem walked into the bathroom and stood in front of sink. For a moment, he stared at the mirror and looked at himself. He was disheveled. Hadn't had a good shave in a while and even though he had supposedly been resting his body to recover quickly, he looked tired. He knew why that was. It was because he couldn't get any sleep, couldn't get any rest from his thoughts. He closed his eyes and sighed before he turned the water on and splashed some on his face, washing away what was left from Gail's spit. When it was gone, and when he had given himself enough time to get over the fact that Gail had spit on him, he felt lighter. Well, in the chest and head area. Three days, he'd been waiting, to do what he had just done, and though it didn't necessarily make him feel good about anything, it made him feel easier. When he walked outside, he stopped the first Doctor he saw. "Hey," the doctor stopped, glanced at him, and Rem added, with no regard to what this doctor's opinion of him might be, "Can you get me my trail carbine, please?" The Doctor nodded, "Yeah, sure." As the Doctor went off, Rem felt even more relaxed. Maybe they didn't care as much as he thought.
When he returned, he was holding Rem's trail carbine, still in pristine condition. "Thanks," he responded, as he took it into both his hands and started heading outside. Out there, he sat down on the chair and did what he usually did when he was feeling level. Not when he was feeling great, when he was feeling level.
He gave the trail carbine its maintenance.
For Autumn, the days were going by like minutes. All of a sudden, it had been another two days, and the guilt that had been festering inside of her for the past five had gotten worse. Casey and Gail were so nice. So nice that they never once gave any indication that they minded missing trade meets with their partners. Usually, that would have served to make her comfortable about it but in this case, it made her feel worse to be taking advantage of people that were so nice. The thought of asking them to go on ahead and make the trek to the outpost by herself crossed her mind several times, but she couldn't escape the plain and simple fact that she was afraid of the wasteland now. It made her feel a little pathetic, but she couldn't bring herself to ask them to leave her alone so she can travel there by herself.
She was sitting in her usual place, just wondering, looking pensive to everyone that laid eyes on her. Then she saw Rem walk by, exercising his body, clearly attempting to rehab himself. From what she understood, he claimed to still be feeling pain in his stomach as well as in his leg, and that he didn't think that traveling in that condition was wise. Sandra never questioned it. She was appreciative of him, after all, because if it wasn't for him, those supplies would have never returned. And . . . it was hard to acknowledge, but if it wasn't for him, she wouldn't have returned, either. She pressed her lips together and moved her eyes away from him, resting her cheek on one of her hands, and she started to think about him. The last time they spoke, he said a couple of things that she didn't how to feel about nowadays. Back then, she was just emotional, but now she wasn't sure.
Must be crazy to not mind that I almost killed him once. She continued thinking after that, falling from one point of view to the other, until she concluded that she didn't need to wonder why anymore, honestly. If she did, it was just a waste of time, and it'd be immature, too. He actually has forgiven me for it. Actually, he never blamed me for it in the first place, as she thought, she remembered the way he looked at her when he woke up. That tired glance of subtle understanding that he hit her with. He didn't move a muscle in defiance to what she was doing. Didn't try to sit up or contact anyone. He just saw . . . and went back to sleep. She juggled her thoughts for a couple of more minutes before she just closed her eyes and shook her head; a notion so subtle only she could know it was happening.
As Rem walked, he dragged his leg and at times, he'd reach down to it and rub it, attempting to soothe the pain away. After exercising himself for as long as he could, he made his way back to the outpost balcony and sat down on his customary chair, only to be joined shortly by Casey. Rem looked up at him as he came through the door and nodded a hello to him, to which Casey replied, "Hey." Rem spoke once he was leaning against the railing, "Any word from the other outpost?" Casey nodded, "Yeah we spoke to them yesterday. They said they'd let us know." "What's keeping them?" Casey shrugged his shoulders, "They said that the outpost might migrate elsewhere, so if they asked us to go, we'd just get there and have to leave again. I asked why we couldn't go and drop her off so they can take her with them and they said that in the process of everything, they sent supplies elsewhere, and their supplies are enough only for the people there." Rem raised an eyebrow, "Sounds . . . " Casey nodded, "Sounds like they're lying, right?" Rem nodded.
"Anyway," Casey began, after shaking his head, "How's that leg coming along?" Rem sighed in response and rubbed his right thigh, "I still feel this pain inside when I walk." Casey shook his head, "Still bad. Well, the healing process is taking a while but before long, I'm sure you'll be ready to go." Rem nodded, "Yup. I can't wait." Casey smiled, "What do you plan on doing afterwards?" Rem went silent after that, realizing that he hadn't thought about that at all. The thought about going back home and staying cooped up in there didn't sound too appealing. "Not so sure. Something other than go back home and stay there for long." Casey nodded to that, in approval, "You should definitely get out more. A lot of people need help, man." Rem nodded slowly as he flexed his leg, "Yeah. It's hard to help sometimes, though." Casey responded, "Not discouraged, are you?" There was a pause, like Casey wasn't so sure if he should say what he was going to say, "She's just young and very emotional." Rem responded fast, "Oh I know. That's not what I meant. I meant that sometimes, you almost die." Casey chuckled to that and then spoke, nodding as he did, "Yeah okay. Yeah, you do."
Another day went by and nothing. Autumn was lying in bed asleep when all of a sudden, she turned her body and woke up. She looked around at the other beds, and everyone was asleep. She was having troubles sleeping now, and as she lay there on her back, she realized that she didn't want to stay there, so she stood up as silently as she could. Her steps were light, unheard, and so was the door, as she exited and paced out into the common room. From there, she headed towards the exit, rubbing her eyes as she did, and she opened the door. When she did, she smelled the night breeze and she also felt glances. She held her hand up to the guards, and when they saw it, they looked away and went on about their business. She stepped out and closed the door behind her.
When she turned to look at the outpost balcony, she found Rem staring right at her. She froze, and then she looked away, starting to head for the ladder that led down to ground level. Rem continued watching her but before she reached the ladder, she stopped again. She looked like she wanted to say something but was unsure of it. She moved her fingers and kept her arms stiff at her side but eventually, she turned to face him. She had a question for him that she had already answered in her head, but because she felt like she had to hear it from him, she asked anyway. "You remember when I was in the emergency room with you, right?" Rem continued staring at her eyes, and he didn't look puzzled by the question. "Yeah." His response was simple, like he wanted to speak as little as he could to give her room to say as much as she wanted. "Why didn't you tell anyone?" Finally, she made him respond differently. She even made him stand up, sloppy as it looked, "I told you before. I understand your stance and I feel you have every right to feel the way you do towards me. I'm not saying it's alright that you kill me, but you didn't, but I feel that whatever way your emotions were at the time are . . . reasonable."
Autumn sighed, "I guess I understand." When she paused, Rem started to feel like he didn't want this conversation to end. "Gotten word from the outpost yet?" Autumn crossed her arms under her breasts and shook her head, "We did, but they're saying I'm not cleared to go there yet." Rem nodded, "That's not good," he said, as he sat back down. "Yeah," responded Autumn. She was talking to him but she was more caught up with her thoughts instead, and some of them came out, "I'm starting to feel like I'm bothering Casey too much. He's missing so many trade meets because of me." Rem glanced up at her with raised eyebrows, surprised that she was telling him this. "I'm sure he doesn't mind. Casey's a good guy." "I know, but still, I feel like I'm taking advantage of them." She looked away, "Anyway, I'll let you go." She started heading down the ladder and Rem thought, Damn it.
"Hey hold on." She paused, with her head still protruding over the ladder, and she looked at him. "I can take you, if you want. I'm still recovering and I don't have any trade meets to go to." The proposition . . . surprised her. To an extent, she didn't like it. Actually, she hated the idea. She didn't leave, however, thinking about it until she realized that it might be . . . the better choice to make. Casey and Gail had given her enough and to relieve them from her, all she had to do was put up with traveling with Rem. "You sure?" Rem nodded, "I told you I wanted to help you any way I could." When he said that, she stared at him and eventually, just nodded her head, "Thank you." Then she descended the ladder, and he just sat there, surprised and glad, actually.
As she was walking away from the outpost towards one of the guards, he stood up. Nothing look like it hurt.