Chapter 15: Change of heart.
The outpost that they had left behind had faded from their eyes by then, and the smoke that had risen into the sky was also gone. Cassandra's body had burned, and all she had left behind was a black, smoldering shape on the surface of that iron crate. And an image of her face, implanted in them for the rest of their lives, like Rem said. She was looking back there over her shoulder while she was thinking that, and then she thought of Rem, and turned ahead to look at him. She watched him yawn and place a hand over his mouth as he released the breath, still surprised with the fact that she admired him now. Well, when she thought about it, she decided that she didn't admire him, she admired his strength. His ability to make a difference at times. She wished, oh so badly, that she was that strong.
"Rem," she called, and Rem continued walking, steps longer than Autumn's. "Hm?" he asked, acknowledging that she had called his name. "When will you teach me how to use these?" Rem took a couple of moments to respond, and again, he yawned. That's when she realized that he was more tired than he let on. "Tomorrow," he answered, simply. "I uh, wanted to ask you if you could teach me more than that, too." "Like what?" answered Rem, looking around the landscape as he did. "Well, I want to learn how to travel safely. How to notice all the things you notice. How to go on about, you know, attacking someone the way you just did." When Rem heard that his head shook to one side once, to emphasize what he was about to say, "That takes a while, Autumn. I can't teach you that from tomorrow to the day after." Autumn glanced down at her path as she listened, and then spoke, "I mean . . . " she trailed off.
Rem continued walking, guessing that she was just compiling her thoughts so she can speak, but when he noticed it was taking her a while, he knew something was up. He turned to look over his shoulder, and she was still glancing at the ground, "If . . . if it takes a while, I don't mind." They began up a hill after she said that, and when they reached the apex, the trading post could be seen. "What are you saying?" asked Rem. Autumn stopped beside him but instead of glancing at the trading post, she stared up at him, instead, "I can stay with you for as long as it takes for me to learn." Rem turned to look at her and then took off his duffle bag, reaching inside for a bottle of purified water, looking like he wasn't taking what she said all too seriously. Once he had taken it out he put the duffle bag around his shoulder again and opened the bottle. Autumn spoke, "I want to get just as good as you are at this, so that when I'm working as a Follower, I can defend myself. I don't want to end up like Cassandra."
His eyes were dragged from the landscape onto her while he drank from the bottle, and after he swallowed, he spoke, "Like I said, I can't teach you that from one day to the other. It takes time. It takes as much teaching as it takes experience." When Rem began to walk, she did, too. This time, she stayed at his side. "I know but . . . if you don't mind, I don't mind." Rem stopped suddenly, "What are you saying?" This time, he asked that more seriously, like he expected more of an elaboration from her. It didn't take a genius to suspect that she was saying she'd stay with him and not go to the freeside outpost, but he had to hear it from her to be sure. She stared up at him and was silent for a while, and she couldn't speak until she looked away from him, "I'll stay with you for as long as it takes for me to be able to defend myself. If you're okay with it. I wont go to the Freeside outpost." Rem was surprised and, first and foremost, not at ease with it.
"I don't think I can. I don't think Gail . . . " Autumn cut him off, "I don't care what she thinks. I want to learn how to defend myself." She paused for a couple of moments and thought. "Besides . . . you said you'd help me any way you could," she said that with less strength this time, feeling like it'd been overused at this point. When she did, however, Rem pressed his lips together and breathed out, feeling like she had him up against a wall. Then he turned his body to her, "Alright, let me tell you something." He screwed the cap back on the bottle and held it to his side, "This is going to sound like something anybody might say, but I need you to understand the gravity of this. This is a very serious decision you're making here. One that you shouldn't make on a whim." Autumn responded quickly, "I know, I know. I know what I want, alright? I want to learn how to defend myself and then after that, I want to join the Followers." Rem sighed and shook his head at her.
Autumn spoke, "You said I need experience. You can bring me with you whenever you go help someone." "I can't bring you along. Something could happen to you." Autumn wasn't skipping a beat, "If that's what you're worried about then I'll tell you, right now, that if something does happen to me, I wont blame it on you. I decided this on my own and if I die, it will have been because of a decision I made." The idea of that didn't sit well with him at all, "Yeah, right. When Gail finds out she'll cut my ba - - " Autumn interrupted him, "I said I don't care what Gail thinks about this. This is my decision to make and if she has a problem with it when we see her again, I'll be the first to tell her that. If I die, it's not your fault. It's mine, because I made the decision." There was a long pause while she stared at him, waiting for his answer.
"Will you teach me?" Rem reached up and rubbed his eyes in frustration, "If that's what you want . . . " Autumn nodded quickly, "Yes. It's what I want." Rem glanced at her and turned his body away, releasing a breath as he did, and started walking, "Alright," he said, with his voice trailing off. Autumn smiled when he said that, and she started following him until she was walking at his side. She glanced at him and then away, and then back, trying to say something. "Thanks," was all that she could think about at the time. Rem walked with a lazy gait, like his whole body language was expressing his disapproval. To her, however, he had already said alright and it was a done deal. She looked ahead, smiling as she did, thinking about the future now. She looked forward to learning how to defend herself.
When they got closer to the 188 trading post, Rem could see that in the distance, the troopers identified them but didn't choose to come out to greet them this time. Probably because they'd been here a couple of hours ago. When they finally arrived, Rem approached the NCR soldiers immediately, moving towards the heavy trooper. The heavy trooper turned to him and nodded, "I heard the gunshots." From under the power armor helmet, Ricky's voice sounded different. More mechanical, but still like Ricky. "What went down?" Rem stopped a few feet from him and answered, "They got attacked by a few people. They weren't Raiders because they knew what they were doing. Everyone in the outpost was wiped out." Ricky responded, "Told you man." Autumn's eyebrows tightened subtly. "We found a survivor actually, but she screamed for help after I engaged and they shot her." Ricky shook his head, "Ah shit, man. That's bad. Sorry to hear that."
Rem breathed in and released, "Yeah. Well, we got to the bottom of everything and I radioed to the other outposts about it. So they all know about it. I don't know if they'll want to reactivate the outpost, though." Ricky answered, "Naw, I don't think they should. And if they do, they better have a fuck load of guards around. Last time I was there they only had two. Place like that needs at least four or five." Rem nodded, agreeing to that, but before he spoke Autumn cut him off, "If you knew that was the case, why didn't you guys send them some support?" Ricky glanced at Autumn and after he set down the minigun, he held his hands up, "Hey hey hey, not my call, baby. It's on the upper brass." Autumn shook her head and looked away, "Useless." Ricky raised an eyebrow underneath the helmet, "Excuse me? Let me ask you something. Do - -" Rem held his hand up, "Ricky, sorry." Ricky stopped and Rem continued, "We came by to get some rest. I was wondering if you could lend us two of the beds in the bus." Ricky nodded, "Yes sir. Go ahead."
He nodded and started walking past Ricky, and Autumn followed, walking past the heavy trooper without even looking at him. Ricky didn't remove his gaze from her, and when she walked by, he found himself staring at her rear. Not bad, and then he picked up his minigun again and went on about his business. Rem walked up to the bed all the way at the end of the bus and started removing his stuff. First, his rifle came off and then his duffle bag. Then his hat and then his trench coat. Finally, he lied down on the mattress and covered himself with his trench coat and turned his back to everything else. Autumn lied down on the mattress next to his, unraveling the sleeping bag and using that to sleep on to keep herself warm.
As she lay there, she grasped one of the marskman carbines and started examining it. It look a little beat up, but the guys at the outpost had used this, so it had to be functional. When she looked into the scope, she noticed there was a crack. Wow, that's bad, she thought. She picked up the other one and looked through the scope, finding that one was in perfect condition. After the continuous shuffling, Rem spoke, "Stop making so much noise." She got startled and then she set down the gun. When Rem went silent, her eyes remained wide open, realizing she wasn't tired because she was so excited for tomorrow. Regardless, sleep swept in and dragged her into her dreams a few minutes later.
"Autumn! Check this out!" She was in her home, which she remembered clearly, when Jesse came running in. "Look at what I found!" She stopped what she was doing and glanced at what he was carrying. It was a small brown sash with a short rope tied on it. The jingling sound it made gave away what it was. A bunch of caps. "Where'd you find it?" she asked, eyes going wide. Jesse smiled, "On a dead guy." Autumn's eyes went even wider as she looked up at his face, "What? Where?" Jesse shrugged, "Southeast ward. He was wounded, and he had a few goods on him. He had a gun, some water, and these caps." Autumn stared at him as he opened the bag and emptied the contents on the table, looking like she didn't entirely approve. But then again, why not? Jesse found these caps fair and square. That in mind, she joined him and started counting how many there were.
When the sunlight peered through the bus windows and cast its brilliance across her face, she started waking up. Her eyes were revealed to a new day in the Mojave, and the fresh, crisp breeze of the morning. It was still a little cold but that would change in the near future, when the sun caught up with the day. She sat up and turned to look at Rem, who wasn't there anymore, nor were his things. The marksman carbines weren't there, either. She got out of the sleeping bag and started gathering everything up. When she walked out of the bus carrying everything, she saw Rem in the distance, hanging out with Ricky. The moment she laid eyes on him he laid eyes on her, and he held his hand up to signal to her. Then he looked at Ricky, "Alright, she's awake. Talk to you later." Ricky nodded, "Yes sir." As Rem started pacing in the direction of Autumn, she paced in his. When they reached each other he spoke, "Let's go to Michelle." Autumn thought about the carbines instead, "Do you have the guns?" Rem nodded to her, "I sold them." "What?" "Don't worry, I'm going to get you another gun." As he started to walk, she watched him, and then followed.
After arriving at Michelle's store, she looked perkier than the first time they spoke. She greeted them, "Welcome. What can I do for you?" she asked, and Rem stopped on the other side of the counter while Autumn stopped right beside him. "What weapons do you have on hand?" Immediately, she turned around and leaned down, picking up a leather sheet that she placed on the counter and rolled open. It sounded like there were nothing but metallic tools inside but once it was open, they each were looking at weapons. Rem glanced for a second but Autumn glanced for a while, caught up with the 44. magnum revolvers, the 10 mm pistols, and eventually, caught up with a rare plasma weapon. Her eyes went a little bright when she saw it, and so she reached for it and took it. As she held it, it reminded her of Gail, and figured that these were the kinds of weapons she wanted to use. Rem, on the other hand, had already looked away and continued watching Michelle as she pulled out some other weapons. She set down an old cowboy repeater, and Rem smiled.
When he turned to look at Autumn, he noticed how enchanted she was by the plasma defender she had in her hand. Rem's eyes went small in disdain and looked at Michelle. "We'll take the repeater," he said, reaching out for it. Autumn snapped out of her trance and looked at him, "Oh, uh, Rem. What about this one?" She held the plasma defender up. "Nope," he said, simply, and moved on, "I noticed you have leather armor." Michelle nodded, "Yeah, I have a small suit. Wouldn't fit you but it'd probably fit her, since it's a little adjustable." Rem nodded, but to Autumn, this was happening way too fast. She was looking at the big, lumpy cowboy repeater in disapproval when all of a sudden, Rem was ordering her to go try some leather armor on. "Huh? O . . . kay," she stepped by and followed Michelle, while Rem sat by and examined the cowboy repeater with all the interest in the world.
He held it up and pointed with it, then he pulled the lever out to the tip of the barrel and back to the butt, feeling it out. The motion wasn't as smooth as he would have liked and he figured that it could jam during an important moment. The barrel, however, seemed straight. The butt was sturdy and so was everything else, so it wasn't going to break any time soon. He turned the weapon around and peered into the barrel, knowing it was safe to do so because he could tell the gun was empty due to its weight. It was pretty dirty. Lots of debris in there that needed to be cleaned. Perfect, he thought, as he set down the weapon and waited. Minutes later, he heard two pairs of steps, and he turned around to look. Michelle lead and Autumn followed, donned in the leather armor. It fit her pretty well. Rem nodded, "That's perfect. And get her a hat, if you have one, like mine." Michelle pulled out an old, black cowboy hat that was torn in a few places and set it on the counter. Autumn glanced at it and then at Rem, " . . . No," she said, and moved along.
Rem glanced at her for a while, and then he shrugged, "Suit yourself." Then he looked at Michelle, "Three hundred and seven caps." Rem pulled off his duffle bag and looked through it, pulling out his sash of caps. It was fuller than before because he had used one marksman carbine to fix the other and sold what was left to the Gun Runner under the overpass. He counted the caps and eventually handed them to him, and then he remembered something, "Oh and thirty rounds for the repeater." Michelle nodded and turned around. When she turned back, she gave him the rounds in a small box and stated her price, "Thirty more caps." With that, he handed her the rest of the caps and then put his away. Autumn watched silently, a little disheartened by the gun he had gotten her. She didn't mind the leather armor, however.
She was still watching when Rem grabbed the repeater and handed it to her. She slowly reached out and took it, with such a lackluster grip that when Rem let go, the gun pulled her hand down. "Come on," he ordered, and she started following, taking the gun into two hands. She didn't like the gun at all. It looked old. "Why couldn't you get me the other one?" she asked, and Rem responded as they walked, "I don't know too much about energy weapons. So it's only fit I teach you what I know best, and that's lever action weapons. Don't worry, you'll get used to it." They arrived at the outer edge of the trading post when Rem stopped, glancing into the vast mojave and all the drying bushes and barrel cacti in the distance. "Alright, get a feel for the rifle." She glanced at him, at the gun, and then back at him. Then she held the gun up and pointed at things. She saw a barrel cacti in the small hole in the iron sight, and then at another, and didn't stop until she felt she'd hit the center.
"Okay, I have a feel for it." She turned to look at Rem and he was staring at her, blankly, "No you don't. Perform the lever action." "What?" she asked. Rem started chuckling. First time she had seen him laugh in her presence. "Alright, here, look," he reached out and took the gun from her. When he pointed, three of his fingers on his right hand slipped into the lever hoop while his index slipped into the trigger hoop. "You see this?" he performed the lever action of pulling the lever to the tip of the barrel and back towards the butt, "This is the lever action. When you do this, you load another bullet into the chamber so you can fire another shot." Autumn nodded, "Ohhhhh, okay." He handed it back to her and she took it into both hands, holding it the same way he did. She pointed and then she performed the lever action. She ignored the kinks in the motion entirely, continuing to perform the action until she felt she was used to it. "Okay," she said, and she was just about to relax when Rem spoke again, "Take a look inside the barrel." "The what?" Rem stared, "The barrel is the tube through which the bullet fires." "Oh, okay," she turned the gun out and looked into the barrel.
"It's dirty," she said, and Rem nodded. "Yeah. Come on," he said, as he started walking. She followed him. A few moments later he reached a bush, and when he did, he grabbed a thick branch and broke it off. After that, he started picking the leaves off. She watched him, wondering what he was doing. Then he reached into his trench coat and pulled out a dirty cloth. Looked like some torn piece of clothing, which he started wrapping around the branch. Once he had wrapped it, he held it out to her, "Alright. Use this to clean the barrel." She set the rifle down with the barrel against the sand. He looked down and noticed that as she took the branch, unsure of herself. Then she turned the weapon around and noticed the dust on the barrel tip, from having placed it on the sand. She wiped it off and then she stuck the branch into the barrel and pushed it down. Then she pulled it up. "Spin the branch," after he said that, she started turning it as she did. Then she pulled out the branch and saw a lot of the grime on it. She glanced at it for a little while and then continued.
The next time she pulled it out, she looked into the barrel and saw that it was cleaner. Not entirely clean, but cleaner. "Got another cloth?" she asked, "Take the same cloth and use the other side to continue cleaning." "Oh! Okay," she said, and started doing just that. When she started rewrapping the cloth, she took the easy way around and didn't wrap it around multiple times. "Hold on, wrap it around a few times, otherwise it'll come off and get stuck in the barrel. "Alright," she said, before she started wrapping it again. Once it was wrapped, she stuck the branch in there and started cleaning again. The rifle butt was placed against the sand and she began pushing the branch down and pulling it up, twisting it while she did. Rem couldn't stand how uncertain she looked, so he reached in, grabbed the barrel, and started cleaning rapidly. She let go and watched him, "Oh . . . I was afraid I could, I don't know, break it." Rem looked up at her and shook his head. When he was finished he pulled the branch out and tossed it aside.
"Alright, this is how you load it." He held the rifle in front of him as he knelt down and set the box of ammo on the ground. Then, he reached in and grabbed a round and loaded it into repeater. Then he took another one and loaded it into it, pushing the first bullet further in. "A cowboy repeater can hold seven 357. magnum rounds," he said, as he handed her the weapon. She knelt down just like him and set the rifle across her lap. Then she started loading the bullets. It happened very slowly, and Rem stared. "You know, during a gun fight . . . " Her eyebrows furrowed, "I know, I know. This is practice." Besides . . . I didn't want this stupid rifle. When all seven bullets were loaded, she looked at him. "Can I shoot now?" Rem shook his head, "Do the lever action to load a bullet into the chamber." She stuck her fingers in the lever hoop and complied, ignoring the kinks again and brute forcing the motion without making much note of it. "Now you can shoot," Rem said. "You see that barrel cacti about forty yards ahead over there?" She looked ahead and saw it, nodding, "Should I shoot it?" Rem nodded back to her, glancing at her and back at the barrel cacti, like he knew something she didn't. The sun was behind it.
She held the gun up and pointed, and the moment she did, the sun was in her eyes. She tried her best to ignore it and aligned the hole in the iron sight with the barrel cacti and fired, figuring she'd hit the center of it. When it hit the side, however, she lifted her head, "Hey, this thing isn't straight." Rem glanced at her, "Every gun has its spread. You gotta get to know yours." Autumn frowned and let her thoughts flutter, If you hadn't been such a damn cheap skate, I wouldn't have to worry about this. She pointed the gun again and tried to make up for the spread this time. She pulled the trigger and nothing happened. "Lever action," said Rem, and she narrowed her eyes in anger. Stupid gun, she loaded another bullet into the chamber and pointed again. This time, when she pulled the trigger, the bullet fired. It didn't hit the center, and she held up her head. "What the hell. You can't get used to this." Rem glanced at her, smiling a little, because he was amused at this point. "You have to." Then he stood up, "You have eight more bullets to spend getting used to the spread. After that, you can't practice anymore. Bullets cost caps." With that, he started walking away.
Autumn stood up and glanced at him over her shoulder, I have an idea. Why don't I use you for target practice?
Rem was walking away from her when he saw someone approaching him. A man, proably in his thirties, with buzzed hair, almost entirely bald. When Rem reached him the man spoke, "I understand that you ventured to the Followers Outpost nearby. Would you be willing to share what you found with me?" Instantly, Rem was on guard. This man was suspicious, but he felt that if he drew his rifle, it'd make the moment too tense and it was possible that this man could draw his smaller pistol quicker than he could draw his rifle. To make up for that, he paced towards him, speaking as he did, in order to be close enough to stop him from drawing a weapon if he had to without looking like he was cautious. "The Followers there were dead," he said, stopping barely a foot and a half away from him. This distance was comfortable, "They were attacked by a group of guys that were probably mercenaries. Looked like they knew what they were doing." The man stared and was silent for a couple of moments, "Did you assault them?" When that question was posed, Rem felt like it was suddenly certain that this man was one of their friends.
There was another pause during which Rem let both arms lay at his sides, ready for an altercation, and when he finally spoke, he spoke assertively, "I neutralized all four of the men that were there." The man nodded, and looked away as he crossed his arms over his chest. Rem was surprised to see nothing had happened but he was still suspicious, "Good," the man added. Then he looked back at Rem, "My name is Ezekiel. I'm with the Followers." Rem immediately relaxed. All of a sudden, the man's proper manner of speaking appeared so tell tale. Autumn approached them at that point, though she'd been watching the entire time. "I'm sorry," Rem said. Ezekiel nodded, "I had close friends there." Autumn spoke immediately, "Did you know Cassandra?" Ezekiel's attention shifted from Rem to Autumn, eyebrows raised, "Yeah. She was a good person." Autumn felt her heart get heavy again. "We . . . we gave her a funeral," she said, holding the cowboy repeater in hand. "I see. She deserved a proper funeral, most certainly." Rem crossed his arms over his chest, too, "Sorry about your loss."
Ezekiel glanced at Rem, "Well, I guess there's just nothing that can be done. That is how the wasteland operates." Rem nodded slowly, and then began walking past him, unraveling his arms as he did. When Rem left, Autumn stayed there, glancing at Ezekiel. There weren't any tears to be seen but she didn't need to see tears to know he was in pain. "Did you guys only give Cassandra a funeral?" he asked, and Autumn nodded. "She'd been the only one still alive when we got there." Ezekiel stared at her, "What was her status?" Immediately, Autumn knew what he was asking. Any smart person would imagine that a woman who had been held captive had likely been raped. Autumn started struggling with what to say but by the time she finished thinking, she knew what the correct route was. "We were very unlucky. When Rem was inside she screamed for help and the last gunman shot her out of frustration. If it wasn't for that she would have come out of the whole situation unscathed." Ezekiel reached up, rubbing his temple, and as he did, Autumn glanced over his shoulder at Rem, who was staring right back at her. He nodded in approval and turned around again, walking away.
When she looked back at Ezekiel, he spoke, "Thank you for shedding light on these events. I shall be more at ease because of it." Autumn nodded, reaching out to Ezekiel and patting him on the shoulder. With that, she turned around and started walking to where she had been target practicing. As she held the cowboy repeater up and pulled the trigger, forgetting again that she had to perform the lever action, she thought about how atrocious the wasteland could be. Though she started to get that same old sense of helplessness that she had gotten many times before after Jesse was killed, she beat the feeling away when she started to feel good about what she had said to Ezekiel. She figured that if Cassandra was around to see, she would have appreciated the notion.