(Mario Party, Nintendo, and any mentioned works of fiction or products to not belong to me in any way, shape, or form. This is just a story written for fun.)
Bowser here! Last time, I kidnapped Mario and most of his chump friends! Man I'm awesome! Er… anyway, I made most of them compete in a party to entertain me and the thought of escape. But the three I put into the contest to win for me will totally dominate, yeah! Now where was I… Uh, at Magma Mine, they raced through the whole board to see who would be on which team. Now we're gonna get this party started for real!
…
Episode 2: Pyramid Scheme
Location: Pyramid Park
Game: Mario Party 7
Team Royal Green: Luigi, Daisy, Koopa, Rosalina, King Boo, Petey Piranha
Team W-Shell: Koopa Kid, Yoshi, Wario, Hammer Bro., Boom-Boom, Toadette
Team Zero: Blooper, Shy Guy, Dry Bones, Waluigi, Dry Bowser, Birdo
Bowser and Bowser Jr. were in the Koopa Kruiser, headed toward the first challenge.
"Dad, why don't you just make a wish on the C-Star right now?"
"I wish I could son, but that lousy Mario had me sign a contract! If only I didn't have Wisher's Block, I could've made my wish as soon as possible! I still can't think of anything! This game's just so I can stall for time, now I gotta make sure Dry Bowser, Koopa Kid, and Boom-Boom win!"
"Well you can think of something, right?"
"All I got is to make this game as hard as possible! But I'm not allowed to get rid of more than one at a time. Hmm…" Bowser started thinking.
…
The Koopa Kruiser and three airships landed in scenic Pyramid Park.
"Bwahaha! It's been a long time since I was here!" Bowser laughed. "Last I remember, it was on vacation… the one I wasn't invited to!" Luigi, Daisy, Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi, Birdo, Toadette, and Dry Bones all rolled their eyes. "Regardless, Team Royal Green! Step up for your prize for winning the race through Magma Mine!"
Luigi, Daisy, Koopa, Rosalina, King Boo, and Petey were all given an Orb with a bone inside.
"Dude… how's this going to help?" Petey asked.
"Oh you'll find out… you'll find out… Bwahaha!" Bowser floated away in his bowl, laughing like the evil king he was. Toad came by in his own bowl.
"Okay guys, the time limit is three hours! Go around the whole area and find a bunch of stars! Whoever has the most stars wins! There are seven in total!"
"Ah, and with three teams, that means where would be a definite winner even if we all get two stars!" figured Luigi. Most other players rolled their eyes at the obvious. "I can't help it, my college roommate got me thinking with numbers!"
…
A college dorm. One half was nice and clean, the other had piles of junk everywhere. There was a knock on the door.
"Who is it? I'm busy!"
"Er… It's-a me, Luigi. Can you help me with my math project now?"
"Luigi, you zetta son of digit! You have no beauty!"
…
"Good times… Go Goombas!" Luigi reminisced, followed by a fervor for his old team. He was the one in the mascot suit.
"If we're done listening to Mr. College, can you tell us what to do already?" Waluigi cried out.
Toad shrugged. "Just like I said, go find all the stars. They could be anywhere in the whole area of Pyramid Park, and maybe some of the surrounding dunes. They could be buried in sand, available at shops, guarded by Chain Chomps, or even in the pond. But whoever returns the most stars to the sphinx wins. But the sphinx won't take them until the end."
"What's the stupid bone for?" King Boo asked.
"I can tell you how to play, but I'm not allowed to tell you what your bone is good for. I guess you'll have to take a chomp in the dark. Wink-wink." Then Toad flew away.
"Boom-Boom no understand."
…
Team Royal Green:
"Okeydokey! Let's put this bone to use! Obviously a Chomp is guarding one! I mean come on, it's just like Bowser to do that, and the bone would be pointless if we didn't need to use it to take care of a Chomp."
"But I can phase through the doghouse, we don't need that bone!" complained King Boo.
"I'm not afraid of any Chain Chomp and neither is my man! Isn't that right, man?" Daisy asked Luigi, who was visibly nervous.
"Uhh, yeah…." Luigi then started thinking to himself. "(Oh man, I bet my undead college roommate never had to do anything this crazy after graduating.)"
Petey shrugged. "Hey, what if we use the Chomp to steal stars from the others?"
"I like it." King Boo agreed.
"What?" Daisy was shocked. "I can't just sit still in this heat! I gotta move! And what if it doesn't work? We gotta do something! At least save the stealing for later!"
Rosalina assessed the situation. "It would be easier for us if we were to let the other teams do all the work. But the Chomp may not do the job completely. It appears to be High Risk, High Reward."
"I… I don't want to have anything to do with that Chomp. They scare me." stated Koopa.
"Atta boy, Koopa. Let's go look for Stars like real players! Luigi, you in?"
"Umm… As much as I hate to disagree with you, I think I might stay here."
"Ugh!"
…
Team W-Shell:
"Hey how 'bout we sell that guy's hammer for a star?"
"Whaaat? I'll have you know that this hammer is the newest in the H-Smasher series of hammers! Forged in 1492 by the enigmatic Hammer McBroski-"
Wario rolled his eyes. "Or we could just sell Hammer Bro. himself."
Koopa Kid wiped sweat from his brow. "Sheesh it's hot here! I'm searching in the pond!" Wario then pointed at him.
"Wahaha! Excellent idea! C'mon everyone, before some other team finds one there and takes away our excuse to cool off. I'm just glad I switched to shorter sleeves."
…
Wario was lounging on an inflatable bed in the oasis water while Hammer Bro., Boom-Boom, Toadette and Koopa Kid were scouting the area for stars. Yoshi was trying to eat fruit off some trees.
"This hammer can actually be used as a shovel. Well, more of a trowel really. See, the design is-"
"Boom-Boom no care about hammer!"
"No care about hammer? Hammers are the foundation of society as we know it! Imagine all the buildings that would not exist if it weren't for hammers! We'd be in the Dark Ages! Imagine, if you will, a world without hammers!"
"Well it sounds quieter, for one." Toadette joked. Koopa Kid noticed Daisy and Koopa digging in the sand nearby.
"Hey! You! Find your own spot!"
Koopa slouched. "Okay…" As he got up to leave, Daisy stopped him.
"Koopa don't listen to him! It's a free country, we can do what we want!"
…
Team Zero:
Dry Bones and Dry Bowser were lying in the sand, slightly disassembled as Blooper and Birdo stood and watched. Waluigi came up with a popsicle.
"What did Waluigi miss?" Waluigi asked in third person.
"Like, we're totally going to scare money out passersby, and use it to go shopping! OMG I can't wait to shop!" Birdo was jumping with joy. Waluigi thought about this plan.
"So conning people out of money… Waluigi loves this!"
"Hey calm down, we're using the money to buy stars, remember?" said Blooper. "… Say, where'd you even get that popsicle?"
"I had some coins."
"WHAT?" Dry Bowser roared. He got onto his feet and reassembled. "You mean we could've gone to the store right away and I didn't have to lay down in the dirt? Wrath!"
"Technically it's sand." Dry Bones corrected without getting up. "… Say, where's Shy Guy?"
…
Team Zero/Team Royal Green:
Shy Guy walked up to the Red Chomp Doghouse quietly, but ran off when the Red Chomp woke up on its own and started barking. After it went back to sleep, Luigi, Rosalina, Petey, and King Boo all came up to the doghouse.
"Luigi, are you certain that a regular Chain Chomp would not suffice?" Rosalina asked. Luigi waved his hand.
"Hey if Daisy was worried a regular Chomp would give out on us, here's a super one!"
"Okay big guy, then how do we wake it up?" King Boo asked.
"Hmm… What would my old college roommate say at a time like this?" Luigi started thinking to himself. This took a few minutes.
"… Use the bone?" Petey suggested. Then Luigi finally remembered.
"Spit on him. Chomps always hate that on average."
"Not just Chomps, as a matter of fact." King Boo pointed out. "But Petey's right, why not just use the bone?"
"Oh, good idea!" Luigi whacked the Red Chomp with a bone.
"ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF!"
"MAMAMIA, RUN AWAY!" Everyone but King Boo fled.
"Son, please." He phased through the doghouse and came out with the first star of the game.
RG - 1
WS - 0
Z - 0
…
Team W-Shell:
Yoshi ran up to Koopa Kid, Toadette, Boom-Boom, and Hammer Bro.'s unconscious body. He finally got on Boom-Boom's nerves.
"What do you want, stupid dinosaur?" Koopa Kid asked. Yoshi held out a star. "Jackpot!"
"You know… I wish you wouldn't call him stupid." Toadette stood up for Yoshi.
"Oh please! You're just lucky that I've decided to let all of you go free if I win! Boom-Boom, back me up here!"
"Boom-Boom want go swimming."
"… Son of a gun." Koopa Kid muttered under his breath.
…
Team Zero:
Waluigi lead his team into 1001 Orbs. "Hey it's me again. Do you got any stars?"
The Goomba clerk shook his head. "No. You should've noticed last time. What are you, stupid?"
"This store is terrible! Waluigi hates this!"
…
Team Zero was wondering what to do. Blooper shrugged.
"I dunno, wanna just try the other one?" Blooper's statement was followed with a collective mumbling of sentiments of being okay with this idea.
"That reminds me!" the shopkeeper's voice came from in the store. "I have a note for one of you." He threw a note at Birdo, who opened it.
"Let's see… OH MY GOSH! GUYS!" Birdo handed the note over to Blooper.
"Dear weird guys. I have your Shy Guy friend and will return him if I am given 1, 001 coins. Sincerely, Bandit."
"Like, what do we do?"
"Forget him, we need stars! Come on, we're going to the other store!" Dry Bowser marched off, followed by Waluigi and Dry Bones.
…
Team Royal Green/Team W-Shell:
Daisy and Koopa Kid were fighting over a star.
"Hands off! Koopa and I found it first!" the princess said.
"No! It's ours! Isn't that right, Toadette? … Toadette?" Toadette was lounging in the pond with Wario and Boom-Boom. Koopa Kid put his head in his palms, accidentally letting go of the star.
"Yes! Come on Koopa, let's go!"
"Uh, yes ma'am."
"What? Nooo! Curses!"
RG - 2
WS - 1
Z - 0
…
Team Royal Green:
The gang went up to a smaller doghouse. Luigi spoke first. "Okay, maybe if I hit this Chomp with the bone, he'll recognize me as his superior."
"You've tried this with other Chomps already, and that failed. Just give it to him as a snack!" Petey exclaimed. King Boo floated out of the doghouse.
"Not in this one either. I guess the red one was the only one that had a star."
"Fine, sheesh!" Luigi waved the bone to get the Chomp's attention. The big monster ate it and everyone hopped on. "To victory!"
…
Team W-Shell:
"Come on guys, they're gonna get ahead of us!"
"Let's just wait until we get to a more comfortable board!" Wario suggested. A few others nodded.
"If we lose, I'm getting rid of you, Wario!"
"Or we could just all get rid of you, Koopa Kid." Toadette suggested. Koopa Kid was outraged.
"How dare you! Why I oughta… Could you at least see if there really is a star in the water already?"
Boom-Boom threw a star at Koopa Kid.
"Yes!"
He was then run over by Team Royal Green riding a Chain Chomp, somehow giving them his two stars.
"Let us move on." Rosalina suggested. This got Team W-Shell's attention. They ran off, leaving Hammer Bro. behind.
RG - 4
WS - 0
Z - 0
…
Team Zero:
The team walked out of the store with not one, but two stars.
"What a bargain." Blooper said, leading Dry Bones to nod.
"I know, right?" Dry Bones then picked up some sand and held it in his fist as he pumped it. "Success."
Bandit walked up to the team, shocked. "What's the matter with you guys? I kidnapped your friend! Don't you even care about getting him back?"
Dry Bowser shrugged. "Less competition! I mean he was on our team, but eventually he'd have to go."
"Well then… yoink!" Bandit nabbed the team's two stars. "See ya!"
…
Team Royal Green/Team Zero:
Daisy and Koopa ran up to the Chomp carrying their teammates.
"Look! We found a star!"
"We found four." Petey showed off the stars. "There was an invisible block on our way here." Blooper floated past and stole two.
"Sorry, but Bandit took ours."
Then the rest of Team Zero ran past.
"Like, why didn't you take more than two, Blooper?"
"It was the most I could carry! If you want, go back to them and take some more!"
RG - 3
WS - 0
Z - 2
…
Hammer Bro. woke up, finding himself in a small space with wooden walls. They were smudged together.
"Huh? Where am I? Well at least I still have my hammers. … Oh hi." He noticed that Shy Guy was with him. "Wah!"
"Take this!" Bandit's voice shouted. Hammer Bro. and Shy Guy felt uncomfortable. If it was not obvious, they were in a barrel. Bandit threw the barrel at Blooper, knocking the cephalopod out and causing the barrel to roll down the hill.
"No forget the barrel, after him!"
"Waaaaah!" Hammer Bro. and Shy Guy were screaming at once. Eventually, Hammer Bro. started covering his mouth. Shy Guy knew what it meant and flipped out.
…
Team Royal Green:
"Aw man I can't believe we lost two of our stars!" Koopa complained. The barrel ran him over, but his hook bill got caught and he was carried away with it. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHH! AAAAAHHHH!"
"He was carrying a Star! After him!" Daisy yelled. She hopped onto the Chain Chomp and Team Royal Green followed.
…
The Bowser Sphinx's eyes lit up. "I WILL NOW ACCEPT STARS. TEAM ROYAL GREEN HAS THREE, TEAM W-SHELL HAS NONE, AND TEAM ZERO HAS TWO."
…
Team Zero:
Waluigi pulled out a Bob-omb and threw it toward Bandit, but missed wildly.
"Waaa!"
"That's as far as you go, Bandit!" Birdo spit an egg at Bandit, hitting him on the head straight on and knocking him unconscious. Dry Bones and Waluigi ran up to him and reclaimed their two stars. "Like, now we gotta hurry to the sphinx! You heard what he said!"
…
Team Zero deposited four stars into the sphinx's chest. They've won the game.
"Haha! In your face, other teams!" Dry Bowser laughed.
"Awesome face." said Dry Bones.
…
Team W-Shell:
"Oh no! We lost!" Koopa Kid exclaimed.
"What are you talking about? We didn't get first place, but we can still get the stars from the other team!"
Boom-Boom shook his head. "No. Bowser only care about who wins."
"That's right, minion!" Bowser said. He and Toad floated down. "That's our first challenge everyone! All of you father back at the start! Someone's going to the dungeon!"
…
All the teams were at the beginning of the board, with Bowser and Toad there, too.
"You all did… well most of you did well. The winners are Team Zero, despite not having an advantage!" exclaimed Toad.
Blooper, Dry Bones, Waluigi, Dry Bowser, and Birdo all cheered. Then Birdo realized something.
"Wait, what about Shy Guy, Hammer Bro., and, like, Koopa?"
"Bowser's got some minions taking care of that." Toad explained. "In the meantime, you all get to return to your designated airship!"
"… What, no prize?" Waluigi asked.
"You're maybe not going to the dungeon, isn't that good enough?" Bowser roared. Team Zero walked off to their airship, grumbling. The monster king turned his attention to the other two teams. "Now's the real fun!"
"I will award Bonus Stars! They are randomly determined, so cross your fingers! … Bowser's orders. And just so you know, coming in second will not be advantageous whenever this happens."
Team Royal Green and Team W-Shell gulped. Bowser rolled his eyes. "On with it, then! I wanna send someone to my dungeon!"
"Today's stars are the Plus Star, Happening Star, and Travel Star!"
Koopa raised his hand. "Um, what do they mean?"
Red Star - Team that suffers the most physical pain
Happening Star - Team that caused things to happen
Travel Star - Team that took the most steps in general
Plus Star - Team that gained the most objects
Minus Star - Team that lost the most objects
Shop Star - Team that shopped the most
"Royal Greens get Plus Star, Happening Star, and Travel star all at once. Whoopee. Now get to your airship!" Bowser said. Team Royal Green cheered and hurried off to their ship.
Koopa Kid, Yoshi, Wario, Boom-Boom, and Toadette were nervous. Hammer Bro. walked up, confused.
"Ugh… what happened? Did we win?"
"We lost!" Wario told him.
"I can't believe the team with two out of my three inserts did the worst! I'm so mad right now! You two better not be expecting any favors!" Koopa Kid and Boom-Boom gulped. "Each of you tell me who you'd get rid of!"
"Wario, he wanted us to slack off!" Koopa Kid tattled.
"Yoshi!" Yoshi pointed to Koopa Kid.
"Why not Hammer Bro.? He never shuts up!" said Wario.
"What? I'll have you know that-"
"HAMMER BRO.! Tell me who you want gone!" Bowser ordered.
"Removing Wario might suit our competitive needs."
"Boom-Boom hate Hammer Bro.!"
"Koopa Kid is a jerk!" Toadette declared.
Votes:
Wario - 2
Koopa Kid - 2
Hammer Bro. - 2
"A tie? You can't even bicker right! Just for that, I'll pick the worst member… Toadette, Yoshi, and Boom-Boom! Go to your airship! These three are riding with me back to the castle!"
…
In Bowser's throne room, Bowser sat before Koopa Kid, Wario, and Hammer Bro. All of the other teams were bunking in special towers, under heavy supervision.
"So… Koopa Kid, you've been getting on everyone's bad side! But that's not much. And Hammer Bro. you never shut up about hammers, but at least you tried. Wario, you sat around and didn't do anything. So I guess my first prisoner is… Wario! Congratulations, tubby!"
"What? This is an outrage!"
"The Koopa King has spoken!" Bowser and Koopa Kid spoke at once. A trapdoor opened under Wario, sending him falling back into the dungeon.
"D'oh I missed!"
Koopa Kid and Hammer Bro. gulped, and then Bowser stood up.
"Get to your towers, you two! You make me sick!"
"Yes, King Bowser!"
"I'll be gone as fast as this hammer when thrown! See, the design allows for-"
"ROOOOAR!"
They were gone. Bowser sat down, and Bowser Jr. walked in.
"One down, Junior."
"Fifteen to go, Dad. How long until the next Board?"
"I don't know."
"Th-that's all?"
"I'm the king! What I say, goes!"
…
Winners' Thoughts:
Blooper - "All right, not bad at all."
Shy Guy - *shakes head*
Dry Bones - "First I was like-" *annoyed face* "-but then I was like-" *shocked face*
Waluigi - "Waluigi loves this! Expecting Team Zero to lose? Too bad, Waluigi time!"
Dry Bowser - "Bwahaha! And the best part is, Bowser still thinks I'm on his side!"
Birdo - "Like, I'm so happy! I just hope Yoshi didn't lose… We don't get to know who left until we all get out of the airships."
Losers' Thoughts:
Koopa Kid - "Ha! That'll show that lousy Wario!"
Yoshi - "Owowowowow!"
Hammer Bro. - "I say we rename ourselves to Team Hammer-Shell now. I actually have a hammer that looks like a shell, see-"
Boom-Boom - "Boom-Boom not miss Wario! … But still want Hammer Bro. gone."
Toadette - "Well… it's something."
…
To be continued.
…
Remaining Players: Luigi, Daisy, Koopa, Rosalina, King Boo, Petey, Koopa Kid, Yoshi, Hammer Bro., Boom-Boom, Toadette, Blooper, Shy Guy, Dry Bones, Waluigi, Dry Bowser, Birdo
Losers: Wario
(If you so feel inclined, leave a review if you'd like. You don't have to, though. If you do review, know that I can take criticism. As long as you don't flame, you can tell me if you have any problems with the story. It could in fact help me improve the story and therefore improve your reading experience.)