Yays I have just updated Friends? For the first time in eight months. Anyway Merry Christmas and I hope you like this new chapter.

***

After several more minutes, and two more cigarettes, L stood, and snubbed his smoke out.

"I'm going inside..." He said, both telling Light that he wasn't ignoring him, and that he was going inside. Also it broke the awkward silence. Sighing, he made his way back inside the building and up to the floor that Matt and Mello were on. He retook his seat outside Mello's room.

***

Inside Matt still held still held his love in his arms. Holding the boy close as the blonde boy cried. Mello slowly calmed down. Once the tears had stopped falling, he stayed in the embrace, tired now. Exhausted. But he didn't want to sleep.

"I'm sorry Matt..." he said after a while.

"It was not your fault my love," Matt murmured and he continued to hold Mello gently.

"Yes it was! I freaked out and left... All because I didn't think you could ever love me..." Mello turned his head away, pulling out of the hug as he said that. "I've always believed that nobody ever would."

"Please believe me now when I say that I love you," Matt said gently as he allowed Mello to pull away.

"It's not that I don't believe what you're saying...it's just that I can't. I've grown up all my life, believing that I can never be loved. That I'm never going to be good enough. I was okay believing that. But then you came... you came and changed my world." He looked back at Matt. "You changed everything I ever believed in. I fell in love with you, and then... when you said you loved me... I didn't believe you. But today.... today I did. And it scared me." He looked away again. "I'm sorry."

"Thankyou for believing me, but it hurts that you think you have anything to apologise for," Matt replied smiling softly.

"I... I feel dirty," Mello admitted, curling in on himself. "Like I've rolled around in dirt and shoved it in every hole." He tried to sink lower into the bed, but as soon as his as touched it, he yelped in pain and shot back up again.

"Fuck..." He moaned. He looked at Matt again, before looking away. He couldn't look at him. "I feel like I've cheated on you," He admitted.

"I know, but you didn't cheat on me and nothing will ever make me believe that you did. I will be here for as long as you want me to be," Matt said and leaning down to meet Mello's eyes.

"I don't know Matt..." Mello said uncertainly, looking away. "How can you want to be with me, after what happened? I don't want to be around me." He curled further in on himself. "Am I even worth loving?" He asked quietly.

"How can I want to be with you? I want to be with you because I love you and I always will," Matt said without the slightest hint of a doubt. "You have done nothing that would make you unworthy of my love and though that may be hard to believe now. One day you will."

Mello nodded, "You're right. One day, I will do something to make me unworthy of your love." He looked at Matt now. "Maybe you should find someone who won't fuck up..." He was being serious. He honestly thought that Matt would be better off with somebody else. His voice was sad and tired, but not at all angry. He knew that Matt hadn't been meaning that, but he twisted the words.

"Everyone fucks up at some point or another and just because you may later, don't you think it is for me to decide who is or isn't worthy?" Matt asked an eyebrow raised. "In my opinion you are more than worthy of it. I won't leave you."

"Even after all of this?" Mello was having trouble feeling convinced of this. After thinking for a moment, he bit his lip before awkwardly standing. His ass still hurt, but the painkillers that the doctors had given him were starting to kick in. He moved to the other side of the room and grabbed a cup and filled it with water. More for the sake of needing something to do with his hands than anything else.

"I could have all sorts of diseases from him..." He added quietly. "You might not want to stay with me then..."

"Yes, even after all of this. Even if you get every single disease from that… thing I would not leave you. I will always want to be with you and I am quite willing to keep telling you this until you are one hundred and ten percent convinced that I love you and want to stay with you. Any less than that, any hint of a doubt then my work is not finished." Mello turned around to look at Matt. He walked to him and pressed a forceful kiss to him. He pulled back soon, turning his head away, he bit his lip. He didn't want to give him any diseases he might have. Once the blood tests came back, he could kiss Matt properly.

"I wish I could believe you..." He said quietly. "But in my life...nothing good stays."

"Then how about I be the first one that does?" Matt replied, squeezing Mello's hand gently. Mello nodded, a small, sad smile on his face. He pushed himself back on Matt's chest, his head on his shoulder. He needed to be close to someone who loved him, someone who didn't want to hurt him. He needed to know that he was cared for. Matt moved onto the bed now and pulled Mello close to him gently. Matt's loving arms held Mello as though he was the most precious and fragile thing in the world.

***

Outside, one of the Doctor's approached L. He smiled softly at him.

"I have the test results for Mello," He said kindly. "I'm afraid that I have to give them to him personally. I can't give them to you until he says that it's alright. May I enter?" He was asking, in case Mello wanted privacy.

L nodded. "He's in there with his friend." He stood up, but the doctor gently pushed him down again. L flinched away from the touch.

"I'm afraid I must give them to him on his own." With that, the doctor knocked on the door.

"C-come in." Mello called. The doctor walked in. He smiled at Matt.

"Please may I talk with Mello alone?" Mello clutched tighter to Matt. He didn't want to be alone with a stranger. No way.

"Hey, Mells doesn't want to be alone at the moment so I think he would be alright with me hearing this too. Am I right Mells?" Matt asked softly. Mello nodded, looking at the doctor while clutching onto Matt. The doctor nodded.

"Very well then." He flipped the chart that he was holding. Mello found himself holding his breath. "From the blood results so far, it doesn't seem like you've caught anything. However, there are some diseases that can't be identified straight away. You'll need to return in six months for an HIV test. But so far, it looks like you've got a clean bill from this...." Mello frowned, it sounded good enough, but the doctor was looking worried.

"However, there was something else in your blood. We would like to run another test." He looked at Mello. "I'm sure it's nothing, but we'd like to be sure."

"You don't sound too sure..." Mello said, "What could it be?"

"Well, you're white count is low. This means that either you're just about to get an incredibly bad cold or the flu... or it could be cancer." He smiled, "I'm sure it's just the flu, but we'd like to run some more tests, just to be sure. I'll get your adoptive father to sign this sheet, and we'll go ahead with it. But not if it's not okay with you. There're no side effects, and virtually no risk, but it's procedure to get consent."

Mello nodded. "Do it." Matt hugged Mello a little tighter, relieved that so far his love was in the clear. The doctor nodded and left the room. He stood next to L and explained to him what was happening. Pale and shaking, L nodded, signing the paper. Once the doctor left, he drew his knees in on himself, placing his head on his knees and silently started to cry. His shoulders were heaving, making it obvious what was going on. Mello shouldn't have to go through all of this. He shouldn't!

***

Light, who had been talking to Watari saw L talking to the doctor and froze. Excusing himself Light walked over to sit beside L.

"How is he?" Light asked softly. L just looked up at Light, tears streaming down his face and shook his head.

***

Several hours later, the doctor had taken the blood and run the test, and now came back with the results. He smiled broadly at L before knocking on Mello's door. He walked in and grinned at Mello.

"You're going to be fine. You're just coming down with the flu." He said with a smile. "No cancer."

Mello's eyes widened and he looked at Matt, hardily believing it. He then looked back at the doctor and smiled. "Thank you. Make sure you tell L..."

The doctor nodded. "You'll be released sometime soon. You can go home in a little while."

Mello nodded. "Thank you." Oh how glad was he that he'd learned Japanese? He leaned against Matt, smiling. The doctor left and told L the good news. He nodded and thanked the doctor, smiling very slightly. That was a load off his mind.

***

It was three days later and Mello was back at the hotel. During that time Matt had rarely left the blondes side for anything more than bathroom breaks. L had also stuck pretty close to Mello too. In fact if Matt hadn't been so stubborn about staying with Mello, L would have probably forced Matt out a while ago. Light had hardly seen L since the attack and had been spoken to even less. It wasn't from lack of trying but L seemed determined to keep Light out. Ryuk was determined to help L in keeping him away from Light by whispering suggestions in L's ear.

"Light is acting so needy lately. It is really surprising since he claims to love you but the only one he seems to be thinking about is himself," Ryuk murmured. Showing no outward signs of hearing the Shinigami had become second nature for L. He agreed with the death god, and as Light entered the room, L sighed. He had to put up with his neediness. He had to put up with it, but it was getting harder and harder to do so lately. L was very close to losing it.

He, Mello and Matt were playing a game of scrabble. Near was...somewhere doing something. Probably playing with his toys. The youngest boy was very self reliant…

…Unlike Light.

Watari was very worried now. L was growing more and more distant by the day and he could see that soon L would explode and probably destroy everything in its path. Even will all the love Light and L shared wouldn't be able to survive this. In fact Watari would be surprised if Light managed to hold on a single day longer. He had to stop this before it got too out of hand. Out of the corner of his eye, L saw Light enter the room. He didn't acknowledge the male, instead, he carried on playing the game. Mello noticed Light, and noticed the way L was treating him. He knew why. He'd been told on the night it'd happened. He understood. But he wasn't sure Light did, or if he ever could.

Smiling a little, he placed some letters on the board.

L

O

V

E

Light had found that he was spending more and more time with Near. Ever since the attack on Mello it was like he no longer mattered to L at all. He tried to be understanding but it was getting harder and harder to do so. He was just being stupid and needy wasn't he?

***

Despite Watari's prediction Light and L hung on till the day that the shinigami was supposed to leave. Then again Light and L would have to be talking in order for them to break up and L had been remaining silent. When that day came, L had completely forgotten. He didn't burn the Death Note. In fact, it was sat on the counter top. There had been a phone call from the police, a few hours earlier, identifying the person who'd attacked Mello. L had received a name, and by his request, a photo.

***

When it came to midnight, when he was sure nobody else would be around. He took the Death Note to a blind spot with the cameras and opened it. Looking at the page with the name and picture on it, he opened the book, took a pen, and wrote. As luck would have it though, Light was unable to sleep that night. He had been struggling to for the last few days as L had decided that they should sleep in separate rooms so that he could be closer to Mello. Getting up he walked out of the room. He wasn't sure where he was heading to but that didn't matter when he saw L sitting with a black note book, pen in hand.

"L…" Light gasped. L slowly closed the book before turning around and looking at Light.

"Yes?" He asked, as if he'd been interrupted reading a good book rather than committing murder. "Did you need something?" He asked, but this was Light. He'd need something. Probably a hug, or to complain about their sleeping arrangements. L was getting tired of his clinginess. Couldn't he see that Mello needed him more now? "If you don't need anything, then please leave me alone." Light swallowed before biting his lip and nodding. It would be hypocritical of him to say anything. L stood, returning the book to the table top. He didn't really care if Light picked it up again – why should he? He put the pen back on top and walked away. "Good. I'll see you in the morning," He said, heading towards the bedroom. It was then that the phone rang. On his way out, L picked it up. "Hello." He waited for a moment before smiling. "Thank you officer," He said before placing the phone down.

Confirmation.

"Goodnight," Light murmured, trying to keep the sadness from his tone. He was losing his L more and more each day and soon… Light didn't even want to think about it, but it was becoming clearer that L now saw him as nothing more than a nuisance. Like he was a fly that just wouldn't go away, so you swat it just to get it to shut up. L sighed as Light stayed where he was. He didn't seem to want to move. Turning around, he looked at the other.

"It was him," He said, "It was the man that attacked Mello. That's who I killed." He then turned around and walked up the stairs.

"Oh did you see the look on his face. I never realised what a self-centred person Light was. You try to help Mello and Light is bawling his eyes out because suddenly the world doesn't revolve around him anymore," Ryuk whispered, quite unnecessarily. "Oh look, here he comes." Light had followed L out a minute later to head back to his room which happened to be the same way L was going. L stopped, letting out an angry breath before turning around.

"What is with you!?" He asked, "Stop following me, leave me alone! Stop being a self centred jackass for a while and let me take care of my son. He needs me. And you don't." The last sentence was spoken in a tone of challenge, the words obviously making it sound like he knew he was right. Okay, so if it wasn't for the shinigami constantly saying things into his ear like that, he'd probably not exploded. But as it was, L had no idea that he was being out of line. As far as he was concerned, this was all Light's fault. If Light hadn't been hit on, if he'd been able to tell that guy to fuck off, if he'd not asked L to stay, they could've found the guy and stopped him. Two minutes. They'd missed him by two minutes. Light froze, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Excuse me? I wasn't following you, my room is this way and if you haven't noticed I have been giving you space so you can take care of Mello. I know he needs you so I haven't said a word a word of complaint." L didn't seem to hear his words; he just kept talking, yelling.

"You're being needy and clingy! You're always around! Don't you get it? I have to help Mello, I don't have time for you!" As soon as he said this, his eyes widened and he shook his head. "No... I do...but...I need... I need to be with Mello..."

"I'm sorry if being around you is suddenly such a nuisance to you. I thought that I should be with you since you are so obviously hurting and I love you," Light shot back, his voice full of the pain he felt. L stayed silent for a moment before speaking quietly.

"It's your fault," He said, looking away. "If you hadn't let that guy hit on you, if you told him just to fuck off we would've gotten there in time. If you weren't so fucking desirable, Mello would be fine." And with that, he turned on his heals and walked away, not wanting Light to see the tears that were falling from his eyes.

"Even now that pathetic excuse of a human is hurting you after all you have done for him," Ryuk murmured.

"I see," Light said, and swallowed, following after L for a few steps. "So that's what you think. You're probably not even listening to a word I' m saying either, I could be singing opera for all you care. I could be gone and you would probably just be relieved that I have stopped being so damn clingy and needy all the time. Maybe I should test that theory…" Light continued in a rush, his heart racing in his chest.

He was right, L wasn't listening to him. He was thinking about what he'd said. He was right, wasn't he? It was Light's fault.

Right?

"Just leave me alone..." he said sadly after a moment.

"If that's what you want then fine, I will," Light replied and hurried back to his room. He didn't waste a second packing his bags. Like Mello before him he used the stairs to leave, calling a taxi as he went. Within an hour he was back home, in his room. His parents, while surprised to see him so late didn't bug him for answers and let him go to his room where he collapsed on the bed and had soon cried himself to sleep.

***

So things don't look too good for L and Light right now. As for whether or not L sees what a bastard he's being… you will have to wait for the next chapter. Thanks for reading.