Sorry I took so long to update I have been a bit busy. I hope you like this chapter.

***

A few days later, Mello frowned.

"Hey, where's Light?" He asked. "I haven't seen him in a few days..."

L shrugged, "He left," He said, not even seeming to notice what he was saying. "He's giving me some space. It was his fault we didn't get to you sooner though." He shrugged again before smiling at Mello. "It's okay. He understands that I need to be here for you."

Mello frowned. "L, you're taking my being raped worse than I am," He said. "Light was already giving you space..." He'd noticed how L was being lately. He looked over to Matt, wanting him to back him up. Matt nodded at Mello.

"Seriously dude, you need Light. Don't let him get away." Meanwhile Ryuk chuckled in the background. L had forgotten to burn the notebook and now was being far too entertaining for Ryuk to even consider reminding the man himself.

"He was being too clingy," L said with a frown, "It's his fault that-"

"No! It's not!" Mello shook his head. "If anything, it's my fault for leaving. And that assholes fault for doing it. It's definitely not Light's fault!" He reached out and shook L, ignoring the way he flinched away from the touch. "Wake up! You just sent your fiancé away because he got hit on. You're blaming him for what happened to me, and for what happened to you."

L's eyes widened. He hadn't even thought about it that way.

Shaking, he swallowed. "He was clingy-"

"When was the last time he tried to hold you? When was the last time he even touched you!?" Mello asked. The hospital. When L flinched away. That was the last time Light had so much as touched him. Standing abruptly, L headed to the exit. He had a fair idea where Light would've gone.

***

It took him ten minutes to get to Light's house, and a further fifteen to work up the courage to knock on the door. After three seconds of silence, he was tempted to turn away, using the excuse that nobody was home.

But then the door opened. It wasn't Light, though that L was greeted by, but Soichiro who upon seeing L's face glared harshly.

"You! What on Earth gives you the right to be here after you hurt my son?" the man spat angrily. "I don't care that he doesn't blame you, I sure as hell do. Especially when it means that when I go and check on my son I find that he has cried himself to sleep." L felt his head hang as his eyes began to take on moisture.

"I was wrong. I- I came here to apologize to Light..." He admitted quietly, "It's the least I can do..." He lifted his head to look at Soichiro. "Please, may I be permitted to do that?"

"Well I had to see that someone told you off for what you did. Knowing my son he will forgive you straight away. Now get up there before I change my mind. I don't think I need to give you directions," Soichiro almost growled, but stepped aside to let L through. L rushed up the stairs, heading towards the room. He knocked on the door. Biting his lip, he hoped that Light would let him in sooner rather than later; before his courage escaped him.

"L-Light...?" He asked. The door was wrenched open a second later to reveal Light standing there, a stunned look on his face and a hand frozen in his hair for a minute before it dropped.

"L…" Light breathed in amazement, before opening his door wider to let the other in. L's head bowed again and he shook his head. Now that the time came, he didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry," He said, trying hard not to burst into tears. "I'm sorry." He didn't go into the room. He was ready to run if he needed to. "I- I said some things that I shouldn't have... some things that weren't true. I'm sorry." He shook his head. "It wasn't your fault..." Tears were falling. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for talking to you like that. I'm sorry for asking you to leave and calling you clingy when you were being anything but..." He had to pause to sob then. "And I'm sorry," He said again. Light moved over to his bed, curling his legs up beneath as he watch L cry. While he longed to hold the other man he wasn't sure if he was allowed to anymore.

"That means a lot to me and I forgive you. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to stay anyway. You're hurting and I just left you, I'm so sorry," Light murmured in reply. Looking down when he finished, Light just watched his own finger bent and flexed as he drew patterns on the sheets. L shook his head, stepping into the room and closing the door. He stayed by it though.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness." He looked up at Light, trying to stem his tears. He took a step forward towards Light. "I'll- I'll understand if you won't take me back... I accused you of some horrible things..." He shook his head. "Frankly, I'd be more surprised if you did want to take me back." He threw something onto the bed. It was a small velvet box. He'd purchased the thing inside on the way here. He then smiled softly, "You keep that...either way." Hesitantly, Light went to reach out for the box but stopped.

"Of course I want you back, I love you L and I want to be with me always. I forgive you," Light said smiling, tears in his eyes too. Reaching the rest of the way he opened the box and looked inside. Biting his lip, L nodded and slipped down to sit against the wall.

"I saw it... and I thought... I never really gave you one..." He knew what was in the box. It was a gold and silver ring; the two strands of precious metal were intertwined in a thin chain. "It's... well, metal and gold don't usually go together… but in this case they do... I thought that was an adequate metaphor for us." He didn't look at Light while he said this. He heard what Light had said, but he didn't believe him, not yet. "You- you shouldn't want to be with me," He said softly. "I'm a horrible person." Light smiled and took the ring out of the box and slipping it on his left hand ring finger. His hands itched to touch L now, but he didn't.

"I know you think that I shouldn't want to be with you, but I do. I love you L and I couldn't possibly think of you as being a horrible person," Light said. L looked up at Light, his eyes wide and hopeful. He stood and moved his way towards Light. Standing by the bed, he looked at Light, a little nervously. He opened his arms, wondering if Light would accept him back truly. Light opened his arms in return, the longing to hold L becoming almost unbearable. With a cry, L threw himself into Light's arms. He sat on his lap, his head on Light's shoulder. He emptied his tears on Light's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," He sobbed, "I'm sorry." He clutched onto Light's shirt. Light's hands snaked around L's waist immediately, his face pressed against L's chest, tears leaking out of his eyes too. Light breathed in deeply as he took in L's warm, familiar scent.

"It's ok my love, it's ok…" Light whispered smiling broadly. "I have missed you so much." Feeling slightly uncomfortable, L held Light closer.

"I- I have to tell you something..." He said shakily. Pulling away slightly to look at Light, he bit his lip. "I-I lied to you... I wasn't a virgin before we met... What Mello...what Mello went through...I've been through too..." he looked away. "When I was a kid... That's- that's why I knew what Mello needed... I didn't have anyone back then. I was determined to be there for him..."

"I… Thank you," Light stuttered. "I'm amazed that you wanted me too…" Light couldn't continue. "I want you to know that this changes nothing in terms of how I feel about you," Light finished.

"I tried... I tried to make myself believe that it never happened. I nearly succeeded too... But...then...Mello..." He shook his head. He clutched tighter to Light. "I'm sorry," He said before staying silent for a while.

"I killed someone..." he said quietly after a while.... "With the note..."

"I know but it is not for me to condemn you, especially since I have done the same, but on a far larger scale. Also what happened to you is not something you can simply forget no matter how much you or I would wish it otherwise," Light said, his hands stroking L's back softly. "But maybe together, even though it won't be as good as forgetting you'll be strong enough to face those memories and heal." L leaned against Light and sniffed softly.

"Light...It's not as easy as all that... It went on for almost a year..." He said softly. After a moment, he pulled away, he was getting a little uncomfortable in the embrace while talking about that. He sat next to Light. "I'm sorry I lied to you."

"I have always been an optimist," Light murmured, letting L go. "I don't mind that you kept it from me either, you just weren't ready for me to know." L pulled his knees up to his chest and held them.

"What now...?" He asked, "Do you want to come home with me... Or do you want to stay here for a while...?" He laughed bitterly, "I told you, you wouldn't want to marry me."

"Well that's my decision isn't it? By wearing this ring it means that I have decided that I want to be with you, marry you without the smallest doubt. Are you ready to have me return yet though?" Light replied, looking down at the ring. Smiling a little, L swallowed before nodding. He placed his head on Light's shoulder, his hand snaking down to grasp Light's in his own. He picked it up and looked at it. Running his finger over the ring he smiled softly.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

Light nodded, "Of course I do. You gave it to me."

"Not what I mean," L said with a smile. "I meant if you didn't like it, we could find another one for you...."

"It's perfect," Light answered, beaming back.

"Good, because I have a matching one on order," L said with a smile. His stomach rumbled and he blushed. "I... I haven't eaten in a while..." He said softly. He pulled away from Light and went to the door. "I'm going to get something to eat... would you like to join me...?" He asked, not looking at Light but smiling softly.

"Sure, I haven't really been eating much either to be honest," Light admitted, standing. Smiling, L pulled out his cell phone and he called a car.

"Put something nice on. I'll take you somewhere special. I'm gonna go back and get changed. I'll pick you up in an hour..." He said with a smile, "If that's okay?"

"Ok, I will see you then," Light replied and walked over to take L's hand for a moment, barely a graze of fingers but it was enough. L took Light's hand in his and smiled softly. He leaned forward and kissed Light. He pulled back before leaving the room.

He then left the house.

***

An hour later, he knocked on the door, completely uncomfortable in the posh suit he was wearing. He waited for Light to answer the door. Light answered it almost immediately wearing a suit of his own; it was black with a sky blue shirt. L had to take a deep breath when he saw Light. He was having trouble breathing.

"...Gods..." the man was beautiful. Blinking a few times, he took a step back, gesturing for Light to follow him. "C'mon..." He said with a grin, gesturing to the stretched limo that was waiting for them.

Light smiled and followed L into the limo.

"You know this really wasn't necessary," Light said laughing as he got settled. "You look nice." L blushed.

"The boys picked it out... I had no idea what to wear..." He laughed softly, taking Light's arm and leaning against him. "Um... I wanted to take you to my favourite restaurant... but... um... tell me you're not afraid of flying..."'

Light laughed, "Shouldn't you have asked me that before we flew to England?" He joked, "Anyway they did great picking out your clothes," Light added and took L's hand gently.

L laughed and nodded. "Do you speak any French?" He asked. "Because I don't know how many people speak English where we're going..."

"Yeah, Sayu wanted to learn it. She didn't get too far before quitting, but I carried on with it. My accent probably isn't any good," Light confessed.

"It'll do," L said with a smile, "Have you ever been to Paris?" He asked as the limo drove them to the airport.

"No I haven't," Light replied cautiously.

"You'll love it," He said with a grin. The driver stopped and L got out. "C'mon. We have a private plane ready," he said to Light, leading him towards the airstrip. Light smiled nervously but followed anyway. Getting flown over the world with L all the time would take some getting used to. Once they were in the plane, L ordered some drinks. "Want anything to drink?" L asked Light, "They do some good red wine..." He was more than a little nervous.

"My, my L, trying to get me to break the law are you?" Light teased. "We are still in Japan and so I can't touch that stuff for well over a year." L laughed and shook his head.

"We're in international airspace. Law doesn't exist here," he said with a smile.

"Well to me it does, besides I don't know if I want to drink alcohol yet," Light replied grinning.

"That's fine. Orange juice then?" L asked with a small laugh. "It's up to you." He smiled at Light and gently kissed him. He pulled back and smiled. "In France, the age requirement is different. You're allowed to drink the wine from birth." He shrugged. "If you don't want any, drink something else. I'll get the menu for you if you like."

"Thanks," Light said and smiled happily, before biting his lip nervous "… Can I… can I kiss you?" L smiled, pulling him back to him and kissing him deeply.

"Any time," he said with a smile. Light grinned back, before he cupped L's face in his hands, kissing L heatedly. He couldn't believe how much he had missed this. Undoing his seat belt, L moved to sit on Light's lap. He kissed him hungrily, leaning closer to Light; he let his arms surround Light's neck, pulling him closer. Light felt his stomach tighten and his arms wrapped around L's waist to steady him as he return the kisses fervently, his hands grazing the skin above L's baggy pants. L pulled away softly and smiled at Light. He pressed his forehead against Light's, smiling at him.

"I love you. I really do," he said quietly, smiling softy.

"I know and I love you too. You really scared me though, I thought I was losing you," Light mumbled.

"You... you were...well...I was losing you..." L said softly, "I....if it wasn't for Matt and Mello... I think..." He shook his had, "I don't think I would've seen what I was doing."

"I know and I owe them so much for that. Promise that you won't distance yourself from me like that again…" Light pleaded softly, leaning up to kiss L's cheek.

"I thought... I honestly thought that you were being too clingy," He said softly, "I'm sorry." He shook his head and then leaned so his head was resting on Light's shoulder. "I really am."

"I know, so what do you want to do while we wait to get there?" Light asked curiously. Smiling, L snuggled closer to Light.

"I missed you... just let me sit with you for a while..." He said.

"Of course, I have missed you too… so much," Light replied and his arms tightened around L's waist.

"Never let me push you away again," L said after a while. "I don't want to lose you." He pulled back slightly to smile at Light. He leaned down and pressed a button on the side of the chair, making it collapse so that they were horizontal. He moved slightly to be lying beside Light. He placed his head on Light's shoulder, his arm around his waist.

"I will try harder next time, I couldn't handle losing you again either," Light replied, allowing himself to be pushed back, his am tightening around L. Light couldn't remember the last time he had felt so content. Then he remembered… "I haven't felt this content since you asked me to marry you," Light murmured softly.

"You still want to get married...?" L asked quietly, his fingers tracing random patterns on Light's chest. "I'll understand if you don't want to...or if you want to wait a while." He was speaking, quietly, sadly. He didn't want Light to break off the engagement, but he could understand if he did. "Maybe we should slow down a little..." He mumbled, "Stay engaged for a few years... see how it goes..."

"Of course I do, you know that but maybe… maybe it's not me that's not ready but you. Are you ready to marry me, my love?" Light asked stroking L's back.

"I know that I don't ever want to let you go..." L said softly, thinking over Light's words. "But... I don't know if I'm ready for that much trust... I can't trust myself not to hurt you." He snuggled closer to Light. "That's what I'm afraid of."

"I wondered if that was the case, let's wait then. We can get married when your ready, but not until then. I trust you with everything I have and I will wait for as long as it takes," Light said gently, his eyes closing as he just enjoyed L's warm presence. Smiling, L leaned closer to Light.

"I just... I want to make it official. Tell the world what we feel..." He shrugged, "But I can wait. So long as I have you, nothing else matters.'

"Of course you would have me. You will always have me for as long as you want me. I want to make it official even more than you do." L kissed Light again. His heart longed to marry Light right away, but his mind told him to think on it. After what had happened recently, he wasn't sure how long they'd be together. He was worried. He couldn't be sure how long it'd last before he did something stupid, something so stupid, that Light would leave him forever. Light returned the kiss with all the love in his heart in an attempt to reassure L that he would never leave him again. That he would be stronger next time and if L ever lost his way again it would be him that would bring L back. After a moment, L pulled back and smiled at Light.

"I love you," He said softly, "I truly do." He gently stroked Light's hair, smiling lovingly at the male. "You... you give my life meaning," He said softly, "I'm here to take care of the boys, but I live to be with you..." He took a deep breath. "You make my life worth it." Light smiled softly, almost purring.

"I don't think I could have said it better myself. I feel the exact same way. I love you so much that I don't think I could ever say it enough."

"Let me finish," L said softly, "You make my life worth it, but I don't know how long I can go without seriously screwing up," he said softly, "I don't know how long I can... How long I can keep your love. You say that you love me, and that you always will, and I believe that you believe that." He shook his head, "But I know that life isn't like that," He said, starting to hyperventilate. He honestly believed that, and that was why he wasn't ready to marry him just yet. Light had tears in his eyes.

"L, I swear I will try to be stronger from now on. I won't run away again and If you do screw up I promise that I will be the one to bring you back to me. I just can't lose you again. I can't…" L was shaking now, hyperventilating and hiccupping with sobs. He shook his head.

"You won't." He shook his head, tears falling down. "I'll lose you." He pulled away and hugged his knees to his head, sobbing into them. "I'm sorry," He said softly, shaking his head. "I can't…" He shook his head, "You're going to leave me one day... I can't... I couldn't handle that..."

"Damn it L… Why won't you believe me? If you feel that way then why the hell can't you understand that I couldn't handle losing you either. That the only reason I would ever leave you is if you didn't want me anymore," Light shouted as he took L in his arms again and held the older man tightly. L's eyes widened slightly and he squirmed out of the embrace.

"Get- Get Watari," He panted out, grasping his chest as he jumped out of the chair and pushed himself into a corner, panting. "Panic- Panic attack..." tears were falling from his wide eyes. He was gasping for breath, trying so hard to regain proper breathing patterns. He pushed himself further into the corner, looking around wildly, his arms pushing at the ground, trying to get him further into the walls of the plane. For the first time in a while Light felt tempted to slap L but didn't; instead he did as requested and went to find Watari. Watari was flying the plane. There were no co-pilots. When Light told him what was going on, his face hardened.

"I need you to take care of him," He said. "Now listen to me. Whatever you do, don't approach him fast. Don't try and hug him, he'll just freak out if you do. When he's like this, he doesn't like being touched. Just stay close to him, and tell him that it's going to be alright." He turned to face Light, "Let him take his time, let him come to you." He turned back to the controls of the plane. "This plane doesn't have autopilot, I can't come back there unless you can take the stick." He smiled softly, "I don't think you can do that. But you can help L. Don't worry, it'll be fine." Light rolled his eyes and went back to where L and sat down in a near by chair.

"L, listen to me. You have to calm down. Everything is alright. Try to slow you're breathing down or you will pass out. Just try to take deep steady breaths," Light instructed in a calm clear voice. L's hyperventilating just got worse. His hand was clawing at his chest while the other was at his throat, trying to take away whatever invisible force was trying to suffocate him. He shook his head, his wide eyes looking at Light.

"C-Can't..." He felt like he was going to die, like he was going to suffocate in his own plane. Tears were spilling down his face and he felt his fingers and lips tingle.

"L please, everything is fine, just calm down and everything will be alright… you're going to be ok just calm down my love," Light continued and moved slowly down to sit near L, but didn't move to touch him. Still struggling for breath, L looked up at Light. With one final exhale, he collapsed against Light, his eyes closing and his breathing pausing momentarily before evening out slowly. He was completely limp, lying against Light, his eye lids fluttering, but not opening. Light felt like screaming, why did this have to happen to him? Why did he have to be so helpless? He wanted to help L and he really tried but he just wasn't good enough. Why wasn't he good enough? Gently Light laid L down so that his head was on the floor and propped L's feet up on a chair, before his hand shoved through his hair violently. It wasn't L that wasn't good enough… It was him…

After a moment, L moaned softly, opening his eyes and blinking. He could feel the tingling in his mouth and the itchiness of his eyes. He knew what had happened. Closing his eyes with a sigh, he took a deep breath before opening his eyes and sitting up. Rubbing the back of his head, he looked at Light.

"I'm sorry..." He said softly, "I was hoping you'd never have to see me like that..." He said softly, looking away embarrassed.

"Hey, it's ok, I just wish I had been able to help you," Light replied smiling, relief evident in his eyes.

"You did, believe it or not," He said with a sheepish smile. "I haven't had an attack in a long time, but when I used to get them, I used to hurt myself." He smiled softly, "I didn't do that this time." He pulled his hand away from his head and moved closer to Light. He didn't touch him though, just staying close. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that..." He apologised again.

"It's ok, but I don't believe it. Thanks anyway," Light murmured. L pushed his arm forward and pulled his sleeve up. There was a faint outline of teeth marks on his arm, a scar.

"I'm not surprised you've never seen it before. It's quite hard to see. But please, do believe me."

"Ok, I believe you, but don't expect me to believe in myself…" Light said quietly after a moment.

"Liiiiigggghhhhhtt..." L whined, falling forward to place his head on Light's shoulder, "You have to believe in yourself." He turned his head to look at Light. "And thank you...for before..."

"Tell me why I should believe in myself when you don't?" Light's tone wasn't harsh though but helpless.

L closed his eyes. "It's not you I don't believe in," He said quietly after a moment. He leaned back off Light's shoulder and stood. "I wish you could see what I do when I look at you," He said looking down. "I'm sorry that you don't."

"Every time you say that you're sure I will leave you… no matter how many times I tell you I couldn't… that it would destroy me to even try; you are telling me that I am too young, too ignorant, and too flighty to possibly feel the same way. Every time you say it you are not only doubting me, but telling me that it is impossible for me to love you as much as you love me," Light looked at L desperately. "You ask me to try and see myself the way you do, then why don't you try seeing yourself the way I see you too."

"I say those things because I'm afraid," L admitted quietly, looking away. "I'm afraid they might be true." He turned around and walked back to his seat. He sat down and looked ahead. "I say those things, because every time I do, you tell me they're not true."

"But that's the thing; I don't ever want you to be afraid of that. I love you so much…" Light said trailing off for a moment. "Are w-you ok?" L shook his head and buried it in his knees, his arms going over his head.

"I don't want this to end, but all I seem to do is push you away," He said, sniffing slightly, his eyes leaking. "I don't want to lose you, but all I seem to be doing is fucking up."

"What about me? I was stupid and ran away knowing that you needed me more than ever, but because I… I couldn't think of a way to help you. If you really don't want to lose me then don't. It's as simple as that. I don't want to ever leave you and you don't ever want me to leave. It is just that easy, the only reason you're finding it difficult is because you want it to be," Light smiled at his cheesy words. "All you have to do is love me and you can have me forever."

***

So what do you think so far? Are you glad Light forgave L or should he have been a bit harder on him? Thank for reding.