Sorry this update has taken so long. Just checking, everyone remember the warnings right? Lol Enjoy
***
L led them back to the city. By the time they got to the bustling streets, the sun was completely set. "Let's go up the tower." He said with a smile.
"Sure," Light replied happily.
"Don't let me twist your arm," L joked, pulling Light towards the tower. He showed some ID and gained free entry for the pair of them. He then led Light all the way to the top. From there, you could see all of Paris, most of France, and the coast of England. The view was breathtaking. The lights from the cities were twinkling, and the clear sky was mirroring it with the shining stars. "You're lucky," L said softly, "The sky isn't this clear often." He leaned against Light, pulling the others arm around him. He gave a content sigh, upon his face, a small smile. Light leant against L as he continued to look out on the scene in awe.
"I really am lucky," Light replied, with a look of contentment on his face. "I knew it would be amazing, but I didn't realise it would be anything like this. Thankyou my love, for showing me." Light turned his head to look at L, lifting a hand to guide L's face to look at him. "You know how you said that you don't believe in destiny, well I do…" With that, Light moved in closer and pressed his lips to L's. As L returned the kiss, he was mutely aware of the fireworks lighting up the French sky. He pulled Light closer, kissing him slightly deeper before pulling back and placing his head on Light's shoulder, looking at the fireworks. Right here, right now, L was happy. Happier than he'd ever been. His arms were around Light's waist, his head on his shoulders. Their hearts were pressed together, beating at the same rate. He truly felt like he was one with Light and that everything was going to be okay. "Looks like we picked the perfect moment to be here," Light whispered and pressed his lips to L's temple. "I love you."
"I love you too." L didn't want this moment to end. He didn't want to have to go back to Japan, to face that Shinigami, to remember why they had the argument in the first place. He didn't want to go back to real life. All he wanted to do was live this fantasy. This was how life should have been for a twenty five year old. He should be able to live in the moment, to go out with his lover, to have fun – be romantic. He shouldn't have to worry about the future of the human race, shouldn't have to worry about what the shinigami would do next.
He just wanted to be normal.
"I wish this moment could last forever," He said quietly, saddened by the fact that he knew he couldn't.
"I wish that for almost every moment I spend with you, but if that came true then we would never get to see the next moment and the next. The important thing about these moments is that we got to spend them together and that we will always remember them. But as for right now, the moment isn't quite over yet," Light murmured and snuggled closer to L.
L snorted, "Have you been watching chickflics?" He asked, shaking his head at how cheesy that had been. He shivered slightly, the air being quite cold. He was only wearing his thin white undershirt, having left his jacket at the hotel. He moved closer to Light, stealing his warmth. "We'll have to go down soon." He said quietly.
"Of course I've been watching chickflics, I do have a little sister after all," Light replied laughing. Pulling L's shivering form closer to him he continued, "You're right though, let's go back to the hotel and get warm." L shook his head, pulling away to smirk at Light.
"Let's not get warm." He leaned forward to whisper in Light's ear, "Let's get hot and sweaty." Light moaned softly as he felt an aroused jolt run through him.
"Even better," Light replied grinning. Smirking, L took Light's hand and led him down to the bottom of the tower. It wasn't long before they were back at the hotel, back in their room. As soon as they were, L pushed Light's back into the door, lips roughly against the others, hands running all over his body – exploring the well known paths. Light mewled as he pushed back into L, giving as good as he got. Light hands found their way up to L's hair, clutching it tightly in his fingers, soft moans and pants falling from his lips at the sudden burst of aggression making Light fell hot all over from arousal.
L removed his lips from the others to nibble at his neck, pushing him harder against the door. He roughly began to tear at his clothing, ripping the buttons off. He desperately ripped Light's shirt off him. He had to forget. Forget what he'd remembered today, forget about his mother, and forget about his childhood. He needed a distraction.
…And what better distraction than sex with Light?
His nibbles seemed to be getting harder, one of them even drawing blood. He lapped it up before kissing it and he sucked on it a little. His hands had finished removing the top half of Light's clothing now, and his fingers found Light's nipples, squeezing the buds harshly before his hands moved further down.
He wanted this – he needed this. His lips found Light's again, claiming them heatedly as his hands fumbled at Light's trouser button and fly. He was so close to just ripping the pants off too. Light yelped when he felt L draw blood, before moaning and whimpering as L kept up his assault. L had never been so rough with him before and his senses where on overload from excitement and… fear.
Light had never felt afraid of his lover before and he didn't know what to do. Looking in L's eyes, he saw the half-crazed look in them and he shuddered. The buckle on his trousers finally came undone. L found himself growling softly as he roughly pushed the garment down and moved closer to Light, pinning him against the door. One of his legs was between Lights thighs, pushing lightly into his groin; the other was straight, keeping their balance. He pulled back from the kiss and looked at Light. A small part of him felt guilty for probably hurting Light, but the majority of him just wanted him.
"I need you," He growled out, pressing harder against him. His hand snaked down his chest to finger the top of his underwear. Rather then pull it down; he quickly yanked his hand towards himself, tearing the clothing from his body. He threw it aside and pushed even closer to the now naked Light. His hand gently took Light's member and began to stroke it, pressing down softly with his nails. His own member was starting to become painfully hard. Bringing both arms up to Light's shoulders, he turned him around and pushed him onto the bed, straddling him and leaning down to kiss him deeply. Light bit his lip, unsure of what to do, before he finally used all his strength to push L off him and scuttled up to the head of the bed.
"L stop!" Light said firmly as he found himself curling into a ball, his arms wrapped around his legs. L was panting heavily, looking at Light. His heart was about ready to break, did Light want him to stop forever? Why didn't Light want to help him? Why didn't he want to let L release.
"I need you," He growled, crawling up to Light and pulling him into a rough kiss. He gently pulled Light's arms from his legs, pushing him down onto the bed again, straddling him again. He started to attack his neck again, "I need you, like never before..." Light let out a shuddered breath but relaxed under L's hold, focusing on the pleasure now and his hand darted out to pull open the draw out the tube of liquid and shoved it at L.
"At least use this," Light requested, giving in. L took the lube and nodded, pulling away from Light only long enough to take his clothes off. He then returned to Light and roughly thrust against him, their naked erections pressing against each other, causing him to moan loudly. He grabbed the lube and emptied some on his fingers, thrusting one inside Light, leaning up to kiss him roughly – trying to take his mind off the pain.
He wriggled the finger around a little before pulling it out and thrusting two more in, before Light was really ready. He started moving them around, fast, rough. He then pulled them out and placed three in, moving harshly against the muscle. All the while, he continued to kiss Light, biting down on his lip and sucking at the small wound he made. His mind was completely gone now. He wasn't hearing anything Light could be saying, he wasn't conscious of anything other than his need. This was exactly what he'd wanted. He wanted to forget about reality for a while, forget about his past. Forget about what had happened. He wanted to be caught up in the moment, caught up in Light.
In Light. That was a good idea. He pulled his fingers out, not even realizing that Light wasn't completely prepared. He then thrust inside, crying out at the mindless tightness that enveloped him. The feeling of being one with someone, the feeling of being completely consumed. He didn't pause to let Light get used to it, he just kept moving.
A part of him remembered that Light was with him too, and reached out with his hand to start yanking at his member, trying vainly to give him some sort of satisfaction. He opened his eyes and looked at Light feeling partially guilty. This was likely hurting Light.
But he couldn't bring himself to stop.
Light only barely managed to bite down a scream that threatened to burst from his lips. It hurt. It hurt so badly that only the random strikes of pleasure prevented him going insane. Nether the less he refused to scream, but that didn't stop the tears from falling or the blood from flowing where L had likely torn him. Instead he focused on L with everything he had and waited for it to end.
L continued to pound away at Light, kissing him softer now. His hand moved on Light's member, trying in vain to get him off. He was close, almost there. A few more thrusts and he knew he would come; but Light didn't seem to be enjoying it. With a lot of effort, L stopped, holding himself up above Light. He looked at him and swallowed.
"L-Light..." his voice was hoarse, broken. He leaned down and gently kissed the other, licking up the blood on his lip from where L had bitten him. He was going to stop, to pull away, but he was already too far gone. He started moving again, pushing a little more gently into Light, trying to hit that spot, using all the self restraint he had to prevent more random pounding. He pulled out of the kiss to look down at Light, his hand still on the others member, moving. He pressed into Light three more times before he couldn't hold it back any more. He called out Light's name as he came into the other, still stroking him.
Light pushed L's hand away; he was almost completely limp anyway and waited for L to pull of him. Once he did, Light ignore the jolt of pain up his spine in favour of curling up against L, burying his face in L's chest as he tried to find the safety he once found so easily in L's arms. He felt his warm, wet tears continue to fall onto L's skin, but he couldn't bring himself to stop.
L pulled Light closer to him, realizing through his exhaustion that he'd hurt Light. He could feel the tears on his chest, and felt his own build up. How had this happened? He wanted a distraction, a release, not to hurt the only man who loved him. He clutched onto the other before pulling away. He'd done it to Light. Exactly what had been done to himself, and to Mello. He'd done it to Light. What kind of a person was he? To put his love through such a thing.
"Oh my god..." he said, standing next to the bed. His hand came up to his mouth to stifle the horrified sobs. "Light...Light, I'm so sorry." He fell to his knees, staring at Light, sobbing softly. He would understand if Light never wanted to see him again. His horrified wide eyes looked at Light, wanting him to do something, to hit him, to yell at him, to blame him. To tell him he never wanted anything to do with him. He stood and headed towards the dresser, "I'll....I'll get you flight back if you want..." He was shaking, staring at the mess he'd made of Light's ass. The blood and semen oozing from him, creating a small pool on the bedcovers. "You- You don't have to worry about getting home, I won't leave you stranded here... I'll pack; I'll go somewhere else, somewhere far away. I'm so sorry." Light jolted as if struck by lightning and within the space of a heartbeat he was a quivering mass in L's arms.
"No… no… you can't leave me… NO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!" Light cried growing louder and louder as he spoke until he was almost screaming as he clung to L, as if he was a lifeline and Light was drowning. Frowning deeply, L held Light close. He guided them both down to the floor, holding Light into his arms.
"Light..." he didn't know what to say. Light didn't want to get rid of him? He didn't want to kick his ass? To hurt him? He was doing the complete opposite to what L expected of him. He was being... clingy. L frowned a little more, holding the other closer. He was confused, completely and utterly confused. "But Light... I- I hurt you..." he said softly, his own tears falling. He wasn't sobbing anymore, too confused. He realized that Light seemed to want to be held by him, that Light seemed to want to be kept in his arms. Did he still feel safe like that? Safe with L? L the rapist... "I hurt you... I raped you...you asked me to stop, and I couldn't. I used you..." The words were harsh, but that was what L thought he deserved. After such a perfect day, why did he have to go and ruin it like that? Light just clung to L tighter and practically climbed into L's lap. Lights breath was ragged as it blew across L's neck.
"Don't care… Don't leave me… Love you…" L stayed silent for a short while, completely taken by surprise. This was not what he expected. He wasn't prepared for this. He tried to figure out why Light was acting this way. After being put through something like that, it was more logical to want to push him away, wasn't it? Not to cling to him like a life-line. Gently placing his arm under Light's legs and the other on his back, L stood, holding Light bridal style. He looked down at the male in his arms, holding him closer.
"I love you too," He said softly. "And I hurt you. I can never be forgiven for that..." he was speaking quietly as he walked towards the bed. He sat down on it, keeping Light on his lap. He was mindful of the stain on the blankets, glad that he didn't have to explain to the maids what had happened to the covers, and probably the mattress too. All he would have to do is pay for a new one. That was nothing. He held Light closer to him, gently stroking his hair. "Why don't you want to kick me away? Why aren't you yelling, hitting?" He asked quietly. "Why do you stay close to me, even after what I did...?" He didn't understand it, and there wasn't much in this world that he didn't understand. He held Light closer to him, gently kissing his forehead. "Why aren't you angry, hurt emotionally...?" Light seemed to relax slightly now that he felt slightly more assured that L wouldn't be going anywhere for a while and snuggled up closer to him.
"Can't lose you… Too important…" Light whispered childishly, closing his eyes.
"But I hurt you!" L really didn't understand. He didn't like not understanding things. "Why do you still love me? Why do you still want me to remain close?" He was starting to raise his voice now. He forced himself to lower it. "Why? Just explain it to me. I don't understand." He gently pushed Light slightly away so that he could look into his eyes. He kept his arms on Light's shoulders, making sure that the other didn't think he was letting go completely. "I don't understand why you're not yelling at me to fuck off..."
"Because I need… because I will always need you no matter what… you're a part of me now and if I lose you… If I lose you I will fall apart," Light murmured, before looking down, making him seem almost fragile and in many ways he was.
"Light..." L said softly, "What I just did is a form of abuse..." He gently pushed Light off him, sitting beside him, his hands still on his shoulders. "You shouldn't stay with me. I know I didn't mean it, and you know it too, but the fact is I did. Who knows what I'll end up doing in the future..." It was a scary thought. L had to take a moment to pause. What would he end up doing in the future? How would he hurt Light next? L was afraid of what could happen. "Light...I'm a danger to you..."
"I-I don't care… I don't care... but if you leave me I'll… I'll kill myself…" Light stuttered sounding more and more freaked out the further L got from him and he immediately moved closer to press himself against L. Those words terrified L. He knew he couldn't leave Light. He didn't want to – he never wanted to, but...
"Light... c'mon... We should sleep on this. When you wake up, when you realize what happened, you'll feel differently." He lay down, holding Light against him. He was careful not to get on that one spot; the mess was still sticky, still wet. He didn't particularly want to lay in it. Light curled up against L, his head coming to nestle beneath L's chin but he didn't sleep. He may have for a couple of minutes at certain intervals, but woke up quickly needing to reassure himself that L hadn't left. It was a very long night.
***
L had somehow managed to sleep. He woke up at about seven in the morning and noticed that Light was in exactly the same position. He wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to this clingy Light. But it was his own fault. Also- if he left, Light would kill himself. Sighing, he ran his fingers through Light's hair.
"You didn't sleep, did you?" He asked before sitting up. He disentangled himself from Light and headed to the bags of clothes they'd bought before. He made sure that he wasn't out of Light's line of sight as he picked them up. He then returned to the bed and looked down at Light. "We should shower, dress and leave. The hotel will want us gone before midday." He gestured with his head to the bathroom and began walking towards it. It was Light's choice if he came or not, but L was thinking he wouldn't be far behind him. Light hadn't bothered to reply know it wasn't needed. What L hadn't realised was how much effort it took to keep Light on the bed when L had went to grab the clothes but the instant L had looked like he was leaving the room he was instantly at L's side despite his bodies protest at such sudden movements. L couldn't be allowed to leave him. L took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. He turned around and looked at Light.
"Light. I can promise you, I'm not going to leave you." He really didn't want Light in every second of his life. He could tell that it was going to get very old very quick. He didn't mind seeing him all the time, but he did want to make sure he got some sort of privacy. He hoped Light wasn't about to follow him into the bathroom for toilet breaks. "So you don't have to follow me everywhere, okay. I love you, and I'm going to stay with you. Just because I leave a room, doesn't mean I'm going to leave you, okay?" Light swallowed, looking almost like he was hit and tried to force back his fear, but it was really hard and right now he felt so very weak. "Really, Light," L said softly, leaning forward and kissing him gently. "I promise you." He smiled softly at the other before dropping his clothes in a corner and walking to the shower. He turned it on and stepped under the spray. He then looked at Light and held out his hand for the other, gesturing for him to join him. Light did so without the smallest hint of hesitation. Silence descended for a few moments before Light tugged on L's hand, almost like a child asking for their parent's attention.
"So you still want me?" Light as quietly.
"What…?" L pulled Light closer to him, holding him tightly. "Why wouldn't I?" He asked, "If anything, I want you too much...that's why last night happened." He still didn't think he was forgiven for that. And he didn't deserve to be. He pulled away slightly and looked Light in the eyes. "I. Love. You," He said slowly. "You've shown me that I don't have to be afraid of that. That I don't have to be afraid to be who I am. That I am worth something. Now I intend to do the same. Light. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying." He pulled Light back into his arms. "You're stuck with me." Light smiled and hugged L tightly, relaxing against the warm body.
"Love you, love you…" Light mumbled in an almost singsong voice. L nodded soothingly.
"I know. Now come on, let's shower." He said with a smile, pulling back from the embrace to pick up the soap. Light's smile faltered for a second before he managed to keep it up. He watched as L washed himself before taking the soap and washing himself too, wincing slightly as sharp pain hit him. L noticed this, looking at Light in concern. "Are you alright? Would you like to go to a doctor...I might've done some damage," He said regretfully. He moved to Light and started gently massaging his shoulders.
"No, I'm ok. I'll just be a bit sore for a while," Light said reassuringly, leaning into L's touch.
"Are you sure...?" L asked softly, bringing his arms down. "I don't want you to be even more hurt because of what I did..." He said sadly.
"I will be ok after I have a few pain killers," Light replied and leant in to kiss L firmly on the lips. L kissed Light back slightly before pulling away. He then looked at Light, frowning slightly. He was trying to figure out why the other was being so clingy to him, why was he being so clingy. L would give anything to return things to how they were the day before. He smiled softly at Light before rinsing himself off and stepping out of the shower. He reached for a towel and wrapped it around himself. He had a mystery to solve. Smiling at Light he turned and walked out of the room.
"Don't worry," He said over his shoulder, "I'm just packing our stuff, you stay in the shower for a little while, relax." After saying that, he went to his computer and did a google search. He found an article on the after effects of rape and anxiety disorders. He read the list of descriptions and realized that that was what Light must have. He shut the laptop after reading on how to deal with it. Exploit the anxiety while simultaneously reassuring the other. So he had to stay away from Light, while explaining to him that it was okay. That was going to be hard...
Light had of course ignored the other's words and followed after him as quickly and as quietly as a shadow. Drying off while he watched L work and got dressed. He watched L frown and had a momentary surge of panic and once again fought to race over and seek comfort in L's arms. L let out a small 'ooph' as Light pretty much launched himself into his arms. He held the man close and sighed.
"Light... I want to help you. Do you understand that?" He asked, gently stroking his hair. "I need you to listen to me."
"I don't know if I can. It's too soon," Light whimpered. "I'm scared."
"It's okay," L said soothingly. "You're going to be okay. I'm not going to leave you, but I need you to not need to be so close okay..." He said with a soft smile. "Remember how it was...remember how sure you were that I wasn't going to leave...that hasn't changed. I need you." He spoke calmly and soothingly, as if explaining to a child why mommy couldn't come into school with him. Light blinked and tilted his head, with a strange look of incomprehension on his face. L sighed and pulled Light down as he lay down and looked at Light. "Light. I'm not going to leave you..."
"Promise?" Light asked, snuggling up to L. Light's head was nuzzling L's head in a way that was almost kitten like, his eyes blinking as he did so.
L smiled softly, "I promise," He said with a nod. "I'll never leave you." He gently kissed Light's head. "Now c'mon, lets pack," He said with a smile.
Light nodded and walked over to the new bag of clothing taking them out and neatly folding them. Once that was done he walked over to grab the suitcase and happily busied his mind on packing. Trying to keep the need to look over at L every two minutes squashed knowing that was making L angry and if L was angry he would leave and Light didn't want L to leave… Light fought down the urge to look up and focused on folding his shirt perfectly.
L smiled at Light and headed to the bathroom. He needed to relieve himself. He closed the door, not even noticing that the lock click behind him. He relieved himself, then after cleaning his hands, turned to the door. It wouldn't' open. Frowning, he tried it again before moving down to the lock. He looked at it and couldn't change it. He then turned back to the cabinet and looked into it, looking for something to unpick the lock with.
Light finished packing his case and looked around for L and froze… L wasn't there and… L WASN'T THERE!!!!! Trying to calm himself down, a million excuses came to mind and he curled up in a surprisingly L like manner on the bed to wait for L. He waited ten minutes before he raced out of the room to try and find him… Light refused to let L leave him. L promised. L finally found something. He managed to open the door and turned to apologise to Light... But Light wasn't there. He wasn't in the frame of mind to be allowed out alone. He rushed out the open door, running down to the foyer. He wasn't able to find him there, and they couldn't tell him where he went or even when he left. L was now getting very worried. He started looking in the streets himself. Eventually, after it was getting close to their departure time, he returned to the hotel to get them extra time.
***
So what do you think? Do you hate L? Do you think Light is being too clingy like L thinks or do you think that L should just try to deal with it and be patient? Let us know. Thanks for reading.