Author's Ending Notes: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! *sings off key* Yeah not really. It's fucking hot. It's ridiculous but maybe Christmas came early for all my reviewers? Who knows. You tell me. There's still a bit of story to tell but if I get enough clamor once this one is through I may write a sequel and or a prequel with Julia and Alex. We'll see. As always let me know what you think yeah?

Chapter 14:

Alex was sitting in the parlor sipping tea with Julia. When they came back from the boat trip the pets were finally released. She had one hand resting on Olivia's head gently running her fingers through her hair. Elliot was settled comfortably at Julia's feet. They didn't say anything and neither did Julia or Alex. "Let's go up to my room. We'll go have some fun." Alex murmured knowing they really needed to talk about other things.

"Sounds good. Let's go." Julia rose to her feet taking Elliot's leash. "Come on little one. Let's go have some fun with Mistress Alex and Olivia."

She led them upstairs standing back to allow Alex to open the door first. She led Elliot inside with a few good tugs for show and dropped the leash as soon as they got inside.

"So what did you two find out?" Alex asked watching Olivia move to the chair and settle down.

"So far not too much; the girl's name was Kaira. But you knew that didn't you Julia?"

Elliot asked looking at Julia. Julia shifted slightly as she moved past him settling on the couch.

"What else did you know about that you aren't telling us?"

"I never saw her picture. You never showed me. I would've told you who she was if I had known."

"Julia did you see her before she was killed?"

"Tell us the truth Julia. We need to know." Olivia murmured staring at her.

Julia took a breath and released it slowly. "I knew Kaira. Kaira was trained by me."

"You told us you left Decadence years ago but according to some of the pets here you were still working here."

"I was. But I didn't take part in their parties or any of their events. I stayed on as a favor to Gabriel. No one could train them the way I could. So I chose to stay on and train them. And I did. Until six years ago when Kaira came to me and showed me the mark on her shoulder. She told me they were burning the marks into their flesh like they were cattle. I was horrified. That mark was an honor, a privilege and they were turning into something so vile and disgusting. I left after that."

"And you let Kaira stay?" Alex asked. Julia looked up at her. "Why would you do that?" She asked moving to sit beside her staring at her with an expression of horror on her face.

"Kaira begged me to take her in. She begged to belong to me. But I refused. I told her I couldn't be what she wanted me to be. I couldn't be faithful to one person at that point in my life and I knew it. And I told her that. And she said she would wait for me in whatever capacity that I wanted her as she would take it. I didn't know she'd returned to Decadence. If I had I would've gotten her but someone found out that I knew what was going on and they found that she was the one that knew."

"What else?" Elliot asked leaning forward and looking at her.

"Nothing. I've told you everything else."

"Are you in danger here?" Alex asked softly.

"No, because I've told no one what I know other that you than you three. No charges were brought up nothing has been done. We're all here so we're safe. We'll have to be cautionary but we can continue our search as long as we aren't obvious about it."

"Lord Romeifellar may talk." Alex pointed out. "He seemed eager to get you back in your former position."

"I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. Lord Romeifellar is after power nothing more. He wants to use me as a puppet while he runs everything. He knows my reputation would bring new blood in and it would keep those that disagree with him in line."

"Then what should we do?" Alex asked softly. She reached over and laid her hand on Julia's. Julia turned her hand intertwining their fingers together. Olivia grit her teeth not at all happy with the display.

"Keep looking. Keep talking subtly." Julia answered back.

"Why didn't you tell the Detectives?" Alex looked at her refusing to look at the Detectives only at Julia.

Julia looked at her but didn't reply. "If you couldn't tell them, why didn't you tell me? I trusted you. I brought them here because I trusted you." Alex motioned to Olivia and Elliot her eyes never leaving Julia's pretty face.

"I didn't know it was Kaira. I didn't want to know who it was. Because if I knew it meant we came here out of revenge and I won't let myself get that caught up in anything."

"You took me in, you invested time and interest in me. You trained me, you loved me. Obviously you can invest yourself in something if you can do that for me." Alex snapped getting angry at her denials for the first time.

"You needed me Alexandra. And I needed something to make me feel as if I was alive again. We needed each other and make no mistake if you hadn't loved another I would've kept you with me."

"I would've done anything for you. I was yours. And you knew it. You just used me to quicken yourself again. Is that it?'

"Alexandra that's not the case at all. I loved you very much, I still do. If given enough time I think I could've fallen in love with you but your heart belonged to another. It wasn't for me. And I knew it. I gave you what you needed to survive and then I set you free."

"I felt like I was dying when you left me. I was a pet without her mistress' guiding hand there to show me the way. I was alone and scared. And you did that to me without a backwards glance." Tears were pouring down Alex's face as she finally confronted the woman who'd put her life back together only to shatter it again when she left.

"You needed to make your own way. You didn't need me anymore. And I knew it. That's why I left you Alexandra. Now this whole Kaira business is something that must be taken care of. She's been victimized enough. Laying in the morgue for months without a name, without anyone there knowing who she was or how she got there. It's not about us Alexandra. It's about her. Whatever grudge you hold against me for what you think I did to you is done. Let's find out who did this and then we can work through our issues if they're still there." Julia released Alex's hand and stood up. "I'm going down to the gardens. With any luck I'll run into someone who may be willing to talk to me. Alone." She said shooting a look at Elliot who moved to stand. He nodded and sat back down watching as she slipped past them and then out the door completely.

"Alex? It's Olivia. Can I come in?" Olivia called through the door. As soon as Julia had walked out Alex had left the room tears still flowing as she made her way to the bedroom closing the door behind her. She and Elliot had remained worriedly outside figuring Alex needed to put herself back together but it was no use. She never appeared. An hour had passed and they didn't know what to do anymore so Olivia made the decision to make sure Alex was all right.

When no word was given Olivia stepped into the room quietly. Alex was curled up on the bed a pillow clutched to her chest. Her knees were drawn up tight. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her eyes were red and puffy from extended crying. Despite all of this though to Olivia, she was still the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen. "Alex?" She called softly.

"Go away." Alex finally replied.

"Alex? Sweetie, I'm sorry. We had to ask her what she wasn't telling us." Olivia stepped towards the bed.

"I know. But that doesn't make it any easier to know I was just something she was playing with."

"It wasn't like that. She said it wasn't." Olivia tried to deny if only to make Alex feel better.

"Then what do you call it Olivia?"

"How did it happen?" Olivia asked instead coming to sit on the bed beside her. She reached out tenderly sliding her hand along Alex's thin back trying her damndest to make the pain go away.

Alex took a breath finally responding. "I had just gotten back to New York from Witness Protection. I contacted my family and told them I was alive. They were overjoyed but angry at the same time. They couldn't understand how I couldn't tell them that I was alive. I was hurt by their reactions but I held it together until we all had dinner one night that week. Everyone had moved on. My Aunt was dead, My Uncle retired from the bench, my mother was dead. My cousin was married with a baby. She wasn't even engaged when I left. So much had changed and I was stuck where I had been when I left. I had no hope of ever getting my life back. I was so depressed and angry that when I was offered to be allowed to come back to SVU to help Casey I refused. I told McCoy I wanted time off. To just think about everything. " Alex sighed and then smiled slightly when she felt Olivia begin to run her fingers through her long blonde hair which was mussed from the sea spray and now from throwing herself on the King sized bed.

"Julia and I met by chance at a bar one night. I had a rather amorous suitor that wouldn't leave me alone and she stepped in pretending to be the one I was meeting and telling him to get lost. He eventually got the hint when I pretended to be so absorbed in her conversation that I ignored him. Said something about you damn dykes get all the pretty girls or something like that. Julia was different, she was cold and hard. But she was protective of me. We talked all night and when I left the bar with her she offered to drive me home. Even took off her coat and put it around me when she noticed I was shivering. It was nice. I wasn't treated like I was some sort of freak in the circus show like I was with everyone else I had contacted that knew me before. I was just Alexandra. "Alex paused once again taking a few solid breaths before continuing.

"She drove me home back to my hotel since I was still trying to get everything back from Witsec who had dumped all of my properties into a dummy account so I was waiting for that to happen before I got another new place. She got out of the car and walked me up to the door just to make sure I got in okay. Then she gave me her number and said if I needed anything day or night no matter what time to call her. After the way everything had gone with my family I didn't want to know how it would go with my friends and co-workers. So I refused to call you guys, instead I called her."
"Julia?" Olivia asked continuing to run her fingers through her hair.

"Yeah, Julia. At first we just started out as friends. Well she looking after me while I tried to pull my life together. She promised she'd help me and she did. When I was too upset or nervous to say something she'd step in. She was what I needed at that time in my life. It didn't take long for her to tell me what she did for a living even though she had a trust fund as big as mine. She was like me she didn't use it for anything. I told her that I was okay with it but I didn't like the idea of her bringing people home with her. She agreed to my terms and we started dating. It came on rather organically. One day I found a collar in her dresser drawer when I was digging for a pair of socks since my feet were cold. It was simple but it was beautiful. And I wanted it around my neck. So I tried it on and she walked in. She just stood in the doorway and told me I looked so beautiful with her collar around my neck. We made love and when we were finished I realized I still had it around my neck. Julia made a move to remove it but I told her no. That I wanted to keep wearing it. And that's how it began." Alex paused taking a few deep breaths.

"For two years I was her pet. I was happy as long as she was happy. I could base my happiness on hers you see. That's the beauty of a being a pet. You're so focused on someone else's happiness that your own becomes based on theirs. At least it did for me. Julia said it wasn't good that I saw it that way. She said I should want to please her just as much as she wanted to please me. But to me if she happy I was happy. She put my life back together with little help from me. She got me to take the job as Bureau Chief in the DA's office. She got me a new place even though I never used it. I wanted to be with her always. She even got me to reconcile with my family. She did it all. But the one thing I never allowed her to do was call you. I didn't want you to know that I was so damaged that I couldn't do it myself."

"Alex." Olivia said softly feeling her heart break for the woman she loved so desperately.

"We were happy. At least I was. I thought she was too. She always seemed to be until one night. I came home from work and she was sitting on the couch. I was so happy to see her I immediately knelt in front of her like I always did and lifted my hair since I knew she would put my collar on just like every night. But that night she didn't. She told me she had to talk to me about something. I didn't know what I'd done but I was terrified. She said that it was time for me to stand on my own two feet. I didn't understand what she meant. I had put my life back together exactly as she'd wanted me to but she said that she had become a set of training wheels for me. That I should take responsibility for my own life in case she wasn't around to it anymore; she thought it was time that we go our own ways. I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. I had no one to turn to."

"Alex you could've come to me." Olivia said softly. "I would've helped you. I would've done anything for you." Olivia stared at Alex willing her to understand the depth of her feelings.

"She said I was being unfair to her. I was asking her to fight a memory of a woman she had no chance against. I couldn't come to you, I wouldn't let you see how weak I was so I did what I had to. I slept with Jim Steele and I got engaged to a man I didn't love. Eventually I realized my mistakes and I broke my engagement and I told Jim to get lost. When McCoy asked me to return to SVU I finally understood what Julia had wanted me to do all along. She wanted me to realize that though I may have been weak before I wasn't weak now and I should stand up and fight for what I wanted."

"What did you want?" Olivia asked her heart in her throat.

Alex paused and drew herself into a sitting position. She reached out tenderly touching Olivia's cheek. "You."

Author's Ending Notes: DUN DUN DUN! I'm so evil. Don't worry the next chapter is all ready written just not edited. Once I edit it it will get posted. I promise. I hate people that use cliffhangers and then leave you hanging for like two freaking weeks! It's bullshit! Okay I'm done. Let me know what you think yeah?