Ok I know there isn't really an excuse for taking so long to update, especially when I already have so many chapters pre-written, however recently my laptop has become a complete disaster and I absolutely hate it and spend only as much time using it as I have to. I also have been caught up in watching and reading Star Trek and so I have only just started reading Death Note fanfics again, thanks to a rather awesome fanfic author who has recently started posting again.

Warning this story will contain dub-con scenarios if you didn't get that from the previous chapter. Yeah a bit late with that. Sorry.

Several hours later, L started twitching and then thrashing around in his sleep. The nightmare began as a normal, nice, safe, fun sex dream, between him and Light, when suddenly, Light grew tentacles and things got a little nasty. Scared for his life and sanity, L found himself attacking Light in his sleep, eventually drawing a knife and –

He woke up with a scream. Light's arms were around L in an instant. He had never been asleep to begin with and he sat up, rocking L gently to try and soothe the man. He pressed his lips to every inch of L's face, whispering sweet nothings and just held L tightly. Bile rising in his throat as he attempted to comfort the man who had placed everything so entirely out of Light's control. L opened his eyes and pushed away from Light, terrified. He pushed away far enough to be able to take his shoulders in his hands, looking at the other up and down, checking for any injuries or tentacles. As soon as he saw that Light was fine and tentacle free, he leaned closer to him, clutching at him and breathing deeply.

"You're okay..." he whispered, panting, shaking, "You're okay..."

"Yes I am, my love, I'm fine," Light said, stroking L's hair softly. L couldn't stop the sigh of relief as he moved closer to Light and held him tightly.

"No tentacles..." He whispered to himself. Light choked back a harsh laugh at L's words, not trusting himself to speak as he continued to stroke L's head and back. Sighing softly, L leaned against Light. "I apologise." He said softly. "We can go back to sleep if you want."

"How are you feeling?" Light asked gently.

"Freaked." L admitted truthfully. "Random dream." He mumbled. "But I think I know what we have to do to get your memories back. And I don't want to. I really don't want to." Tears began to fall then.

"Then you don't have to. I won't make you do anything that would hurt you in the slightest way…" Light paused, struggling to force out the lie, though he wasn't sure what part he was lying about. "…I don't want to remember," Light said decisively. L nodded at the first comment, but shook his head at the second.

"You'll always be curious." He said quietly, "And I'll always miss what we already had. Because we can build new memories, but we'll never be the same as we were before. Did you know you were Kira? Did you know that I refused to convict you?" He knew it was probably not the best thing to use as an example. "Did you know that when we first got together, there were three days where we barely left the bedroom...or bathroom as it was..."

"I may be curious, but I would prefer that to the alternative… I'm sorry," Light said, unable to think of a response to the rest of L's words, and thankful that L couldn't see the expression in his eyes. As his anger grew he wanted nothing more than to shove the man away, but L was right, he would be curious and so he stayed. He wanted a shower… Alone.

L nodded. "I understand." He said softly, almost sadly. He did understand, and he agreed. He smiled a little at Light and nodded. "I can live with that..." He said, "It'll be a new experience, we'll be different, but it's okay. Because it's still you and me."

"L, you don't understand, but I… I don't think I will be able to hold on this time," Light said honestly, adding a stammer in an attempt to sound frightened rather than disgusted, before adding, "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me but…" He swallowed hard.

"What are you saying?" L had this sinking feeling that Light wanted to break up, that he wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold onto what they had. Still, he managed to keep his voice steady.

"Think about it L, if this triggers my memory I will be dealing with two rape like situations rather than one," Light said shaking slightly. "I already lost my memory of you after the first time. I'm scared as to what will happen to me if I have to deal with more…" L nodded, his heart rate calming down. He'd jumped to a conclusion, he was glad that he was wrong.

"I know. I'm not going to force you into anything. Never again." He smiled softly, a little shakily, "If you don't want to remember, I'm not going to make you. But I promise you that I'll stand by you, no matter what. I'll always be here for you. And if you don't remember, we'll just make new memories. And I can fill in the blanks. I'll tell you things if you need to know them." But he was trembling. It was official; he was losing a part of Light – part of his soul. But he'd adapt.

"L, I'm just scared that if I remember you will lose me completely…" Light said, letting go of L in favour of getting up and pacing, unable to stand the smell of sex that still lingered. He didn't even notice L's trembling as his own as his own got so bad. He felt sick. He felt like running but wanted to stay… He just needed to do something but he didn't know what, so he walked faster.

"Light..." L watched Light, "It's alright," He said softly, "Please... calm down. I'm not going to make you remember." He had tears in his eyes, but he didn't cry, he didn't sob. He reached his arm out, as if he was going to catch Light's arm and pull him back to bed – but he didn't touch him. Just stretched his hand out.

"But I'm hurting you!" Light cried, burying his face in his hands as his energy fled him and he fell to the floor. L jumped off the bed and sat beside Light, pulling him into his arms.

"No. No you're not. I'm sad that I'm losing a part of you, but I still have you. So it doesn't matter that much. It's alright, because I love you." He clutched onto Light tightly, burying his head in Light's shoulder. "And no loss of memories is going to change that, alright?"

"You are hurting, don't lie," Light replied almost childishly. Light was so confused. The sick feeling hadn't abated, but it was joined now with a sense of uselessness that was far worse.

"Yes, I am, but my point is it's going to be alright. I just want you to be happy. That's it. That's all I ever want." He held Light closer, wrapping his legs around the other too. "Please... you just need to be happy."

"But I want you to be happy," Light mumbled making himself to lean into L, hoping that L would finally start trying to hold onto whatever it was they had so that it wouldn't be so hard to pretend. That he would need to keep forcing himself like this.

"I will be," L said softly, "It'll just take me a little time to adapt," He said quietly. "It's fine..." He pulled back slightly. He smiled softly at Light. "I'm a little sad that you won't remember what I showed you back in France... I showed you my house... my birthplace... and my mother's grave." Silence fell for a moment and Light heard a small whisper. The answer to a question he hadn't asked.

"She fell didn't she? She pushed you away from the edge and she fell…" Light whispered stunned. L pulled away to look at Light, his eyes wide. His hands were on Light's shoulders and he was staring at him.

"You- you remember that?" He said his voice thick and hopeful. Regardless of his words before, he really did want Light to remember. Light tried to hide the frightened look in his eyes.

"Ye-yeah... Of course… you were so upset," Light stammered as the whispers continued.

L nodded, "You- you held me. You made it better." He stammered. "And then... then I showed you my bedroom..." Light's flared in amusement though fear could still be read in them as he received new information.

"You had an L poster and glow in the dark stickers," Light passed on. L nodded, tearing up, holding Light close to his chest.

"You're remembering!" He was crying softly against him, so happy. "After that, we went up the tower, Eiffel tower..." He wanted to know how much he could get him to remember. Light smiled, as though glad that he was making L so happy but his every instinct was being it to stop before he remembered everything.

"…The view from the tower at night is amazing, but not as much as you," Light whispered. Each word brought a new emotion to his mind and his mind whirled as the two sides of him clashed. L held Light closer, gently pulling away before pushing Light down onto the ground. He was straddling Light now, leaning down to kiss him deeply. There were tears falling down his face from his closed eyes as he pressed closer. He was so happy, he loved Light so much. Light returned the kiss eager to escape the conflict for a moment. It looked like he would get that reprieve after all. Leaning closer to Light, L deepened the kiss, pulling back far enough to kiss Light's neck.

"I love you," He said against that skin, the skin he loved so much. His hands went under Light's shirt, gently stroking the skin beneath. The fact that Light seemed to be remembering was a good enough reason for him to want to celebrate, right? Light closed his eyes as he forced himself to moan softly at L's actions.

"I love you too…" Light repeated and leant his head to the side to give L more access. Softly tweaking Light's nipples beneath his fingers, he pulled back to quickly make sure that every piece of clothing was gone from them both. He leaned down and kissed Light again, deeper, while his fingers running down his soft skin, down his chest and past his navel, gently taking Light's member in his hand. He pulled back slightly and looked at Light, smiling softly.

"Stop me now if you don't want to do anything..."

Light growled softly and tugged L back into a kiss. "Oh I want…" He murmured against L's lips and kissed L again. "… I really want…" Hand on L's shoulder Light pulled L down closer to him, his mouth firmly attached to L's. L leaned closer to Light, his hand moving on the others. He pulled back and licked his way down Light's chest, paying particular attention to his nipples before making his way down to the navel, fucking it with his tongue for a moment before moving further down to kiss his lower stomach. He then moved even further down and licked Light's member, looking up at him with a smirk.

"You want what... exactly?" He asked. Light moaned loudly, his eyes falling to half mast as he stared at L.

"I want you," Light replied with the slightest hint of hesitation, his eyes glowing now.

L gently licked his member again and smirked softly, "Oh... What exactly do you want to do with me?"

Light returned the smirk and purred, "It's more what I want you to do with me."

"And what's that?" L asked, licking Light again, paying special heed to the slit on the head. Light moaned louder, his back lifting off the ground slightly. With a teasing smile on his face Light replied.

"Guess."

"Hmm... Well... I think what you really want..." He leaned up to kiss Light, and then pulled back, "Is for me to respect your dignity and leave you alone." He teased. Light's mouth fell open before he regained his composure and he glared. It was bad enough that he had to allow this to happen to him at all, let alone have to spell it out each time, but Light knew if he tried to have it any other way he wouldn't be able to go through with it. It was easier to convince himself that he didn't want it if he was the one taking it.

"If you suggest that again I can and will hit you…" Light threatened. "How does 'I want you' translate to 'leave me alone'?" Light asked pulling L back to him. L smirked, leaning forward to kiss Light.

"I'm just teasing you." He said with a grin.

"I know," Light replied. "…but my threat still stands" Laughing lightly, L returned to his position between Light's knees. He leaned down and once again licked the other male. He then smirked at the other before leaning down and taking his member into his mouth, relaxing his throat and leaning all the way down until his nose was nuzzled in the dark hair. Light was completely sheathed. Swallowing slightly to get used to the feel, and making sure to keep his throat relaxed in order to prevent his gag reflex. He then started to hum a little as he slowly pulled up and pushed back down. Light gasped, moaning and tried hard to resist push deep into that moist heat, while part of him attempted to pull away. To prevent that side from taking over Light's hands dug into L's hair and he mewled softly. L pulled back a little, his teeth scraping slightly on Light's member. He then dunked his head back down, faster this time, taking Light all the way in. His member touched the back of his throat, and he had to pause for a moment to make sure he didn't gag. But then he kept moving, his tongue tracing random patterns on the underside of Light's member while he hummed a random melody. One hand moved forward to start playing with Light's balls, while the other held his hip down.

"Ughhhh… c-close… nghnnnn… but wrong-mmmmm…"Light groaned panting, still feeling like he had too much control in the situation. L pulled back, frowning slightly. He allowed Light to recover some of his breath before asking. "What's wrong?" He asked softly, lovingly.

"Your answer… You haven't guessed correctly…" Light panted, a smug smirk on his face.

"Well I wouldn't have to guess if you just tell me..." L pointed out, leaning back down to lick a trail up Light's stomach and chest, up his neck and then to push his tongue into Light's mouth. He kissed him for a few seconds and pulled back very slightly, smirking at Light, his lips twitching at the feel of L's tongue on his body. "So tell me what it is you want, or I'll just keep making my own choice... You said you want me... want me to do what...?" He pulled back to sit on his knees. "Did you want me to put on a show for you?" He asked, running his hands down his chest, slowly. He reached his own member and gave it a tug. His eyes closed and he let out a small moan. Really, he'd been paying all his attention on Light, he needed to be touched too. Light pushed L's hand away and tutted.

"Really L, I expected better. The answer is staring at you right in the face and you can't even see it," Light murmured. "Let's go over the hints shall we? I want you… I want you to do something with me rather than me with you… I don't want you to give me a blow job… I don't want a show… and I definitely don't want you to leave me alone." Moving forwards Light captured L's lips with his own, his hand cupping L's neck as he kissed L heatedly. "I'm waiting…" L laughed, he really was enjoying himself. He'd known what Light was asking from the beginning, but this was just so much fun. He smiled as he leaned into another kiss. Then he got up, and held out his hand for Light. If they were going to do that, there was no way in hell he was going to do it to Light on the hard floor. No, he was going to give it to him on the bed. While leading Light to the bed, he opened the bedside draw and pulled out a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs. "Well...shall we have some fun with these?"

"K-inky..." Light replied laughing, hoping L didn't see him flinch or hear the stutter.

L snorted, "Please, you think this is kinky, you should see what I've been reading." He then leaned forward and kissed Light deeply. "You once told me to do some actual research before this sort of thing... so I did." He then took Light's hands and cuffed them to the bed. He then pulled away and leaned into the draw again, pulling out some chocolate flavoured lube. Blushing a little he shrugged. "Thought this could be useful..."

"L, I love you…" Light declared laughing trying to relax completely again, but the tension didn't quite leave his eyes. "I am curious as to what you have learnt during this research of yours."

"Well... some of the stuff you won't be interested in, but there are things like... well... I've learned how to give the best orgasm..." He admitted, "But you won't like the build up." He teased. "You just saw one of the things I learned... When we first got together, I couldn't take you all the way into my mouth like that..." He leaned over and kissed Light deeply before pulling away. "I also taught how to tease." As he was saying that, his fingers were tracing a pattern on his inner thigh, his stomach, and his hip, but completely missing his member. "How to have you begging for more..."

"Oh, so you like me begging do you…" Light whispered seductively. L smirked but didn't answer.

"What would you say to a little game...?" he asked. By now, he'd completely forgotten why they were doing this in the first place, but it was alright, because everything was alright now.

"What type of game?" Light asked suspicious. L leaned forward and spoke in Light's ear.

"A sweet game..."

"Sounds interesting," Light replied softly. L smirked and pulled away. He reached into the draw and pulled out a scarf. He tied it around Light's eyes, blindfolding him.

"I'll be right back..." He said with a smirk. "You just stay right there." Light closed his eyes and waited. The throbbing between his legs seemed to grow more and more insistent as he no longer had anything to distract him from it, and he was partially thankful that despite his disgust he still seemed to be reacting normally, the rest of him felt sick. When L returned, he gently stroked something down Light's stomach as he dribbled something warm (but not hot) into Light's navel. He then dipped what ever it was that was on his chest in the syrup and placed it by Light's mouth.

"Tell me what it is..." He said in a sensual voice.

Light moaned softly as though in pleasure, but his dislike of sweets only made him want to rinse his mouth out. "It's chocolate sauce, but something else too," Light replied after a moment, his senses heightened by the lack of sight.

"Strawberries and chocolate sauce." L corrected, pushing the strawberry to Light's mouth, allowing him to take a bite. Light did so, tasting the sweetness of the fruit that tasted slightly bitter after the chocolate sauce, a small bit of juice dribbled out though and down his chin. L leaned forward and licked up the juice, ending up with his mouth on Light's, his tongue inside. He put the strawberry aside and pulled something else out. He brushed it down Light's stomach and dipped it into the chocolate sauce before bringing it up again. Removing his mouth from Light's he put the stick of chocolate by his mouth. "What's this?"

"Chocolate?" Light guessed tentatively.

"Yep." L said with a nod and a smile. He then leaned down to lick down Light's body, his tongue going into the chocolate sauce and he licked his way back up. He then looked over to the plate to his side. He picked up a stick of pocky and moved it down his chest, dipping it in the sauce then moving it to Light's mouth. "And this one?" He asked as he moved his other hand to the chocolate sauce, covering three digits in it.

"Pocky and chocolate sauce?" Light replied laughing, hoping it didn't sound as strained as he thought it did. Joining in with the laugh, L nodded before saying yes.

"I'd use all my favourite foods, but Hawaiian pizza doesn't really work for this." He said with a smile, pushing his fingers towards Light's mouth. "Can you suck on these please." He asked good-naturedly. Light hesitated for a moment, realising what was coming and took the fingers into his mouth, sucking and licking them gently as he tried to coat them as well as he could. Once L was sure the fingers were coated, he pulled them out of Light's mouth and pushed one gently against Light's entrance. "I assume this is what you wanted," He said with a smirk before pushing his finger inside the other. He kissed him deeply before pulling away and lapping up the chocolate sauce that was on Light's stomach and chest. He then, after moving his finger around a little more, pulled it out and replaced it with two, just as he was leaning down to pull Light's member back into his mouth. His fingers were stretching Light as his mouth was pleasuring him. His other hand was on Light's hips, so when he pressed against his prostate, the other wouldn't force him to take too much in too fast. Light cried out in pleasure and as L had guessed he just pushed down harder on the fingers.

"Oh… yesssss…" Light hissed, relieved that it seemed L was going to leave on the blind fold, the terror from having both the handcuffs and the blind fold only making him feel more secure. Smirking, L pressed down on that spot again, taking more of Light into his mouth. After a moment, he pulled his head up, not wanting Light to release too soon. He continued to move his two fingers inside Light, but stretched to reach inside the bedside table. He pulled something out and put it over the base of Light's member. It squeezed slightly and was there to prevent him from releasing until L decided he could. Smirking again, L reached down to replaced his mouth on Light. He knew that the blindfold made everything even more sensual, that Light would be overwhelmed by feelings of pleasure. L removed his two fingers and replaced them with three, doing the final stage of prep. With one hand back on his hip, he made sure to press against the prostate with every thrust inwards. Light gasped before whimpering loudly as he felt his pleasure cut into by the band wrapped around him. His back arched off the bed as he cried out in pleasure.

Once the final preparations had been completed, L pulled his mouth away from Light's member. Taking the chocolate flavoured lube, he squirted some on his hand and coated his member. He then leaned closer to Light and pushed in slowly, his hands on Light's hips to guide him. Light's mouth opened in a silent scream, his legs instinctively pulling L closer, deeper. Moaning deeply at that, L moved closer to Light, his hand pumping Light like never before. He pulled out and pushed back in, making sure to hit Light's prostate as often, and with as much force as he could. He leaned forward to kiss Light deeply, all the while, pleasuring him as much as he could.

Light moved closer to L, cries and moans flowing from his lips as the pleasure grew towards the painful end. His face flushed as his breathing turned ragged as he tightened around L. Smirking, L knew that Light couldn't come. He wanted Light to have the best that he'd had, ever, and he knew this was how to do it. He leaned down and kissed Light, pausing the movement in his hips.

"Do you want to come Light?" He asked in a kinky voice. His hand was still stroking Light, playing with the tip and then fisting the shaft.

"YES!" Light cried begging, "PLEASE!" He didn't know how much more of this he could take, the pleasure or the revulsion. Smirking, L continued to move inside Light, his fingers still playing with Light's member. They moved further down the shaft, pausing at the end to remove the band. He then gave a few more strokes, pounding into his prostate at the same time. He was close himself, and he knew that Light coming would throw him over the edge. It only took a few seconds after the band was removed to bring Light to release. White light's flashed in front of his eyes and he screamed L's name, his legs clinging to the man tightly his body convulsing, rapidly tensing around L. This threw L over the edge. He moaned out Light's name. He rode out the last of his orgasm before pulling out and leaning over Light to undo the handcuffs and remove the blindfold. He then leaned closer to Light and lay against his chest, panting.

"I love you." He said with a smile, holding him closer. Light wrapped his arms around L, breathing heavily, needing to be close despite how it made him feel.

"I love you too," he whispered and held L tighter. Laughing a little, L leaned closer to Light. He was so tired, but he knew they needed to clean up.

"I gotta clean all the food and the ring..." He mumbled, attempting to get up to remove the sweet food. He managed to put it aside, on the bedside table (rather than on the bed where it would spill). He then went for the ring that had been around Light's member. It was covered in Light's seed, the white liquid was still warm. L couldn't be bothered taking it to a bathroom to clean it, but knew that it had to be cleaned after every use. So he stuck it in his mouth and started to suck on it, cleaning it with his tongue. Light gasped at the display, clenching the sheets tightly in his hands and couldn't prevent himself from looking away. L didn't even seem to notice Light's reaction. L continued to lick and suck at the black ring in his mouth. He found himself moaning softly at the taste. It was a strange way to taste it, making it slightly strange, but he liked it well enough.

"You are such a tease my love," Light murmured, fighting disgust and leaning close to kiss L's neck softly and down to L's shoulder. L leaned closer to Light, moaning softly. He pulled the rubber from his mouth and looked at Light.

"How- how am I a tease if I don't withhold sex?" He asked.

"You're a tease because had I seen anyone else do that it would have been disgusting, but you make it very erotic," Light continued to murmur, hoping that would mask his feelings and his attention still focused on L's neck. "You make many things very erotic in fact." L moaned softly, leaning against Light.

"Light... as much as I love you, and love it when we make love, I'm really tired." He said with a smile. "Please... stop turning me on..." He smiled softly and didn't make any move to pull away from the feeling on his neck.

"I know, I was just show you what you had been doing to me with your little display," Light whispered and pressed a finally kiss to L's neck before pulling away. Smiling softly, L curled up against Light, holding the black rubber ring above them so they could both see it.

"It needed cleaning. It's supposed to be cleaned after every use... but I couldn't be bothered moving to the bathroom." He pointed out, snuggling closer and letting his hand drop. He let his eyes close and a sigh escaped him. Light took the ring and got off the bed.

"I'll be right back," Light said cheerfully and walked into the adjoining bathroom, not bothering to get dressed and after washing himself down as quickly as possible and crawled back onto the bed. By the time Light returned, L was asleep. He was completely relaxed against the bed, spread over half the mattress. He turned slightly, curling a little closer to himself, his thumb finding its way to his mouth. He sighed contently. Not feeling tired despite his lack of sleep the night before, Light pulled a book out of the drawer and got under the covers to read for a while. After a short while, L turned so that he was closer to Light. He was resting his head on his arm now. A soft sigh escaped him and he slept on, his eyes rapidly moving under his eyelids. He was dreaming.

After a short time, L let out a small whimper. Light's head whipped around to look at L in an instant and putting his book down for a moment pulled the man into his arms, on hand stroking L's back. L was shuddering, turning his head back and forth, from side to side. He was mumbling under his breath, nothing that was able to be heard properly. He was trembling, shuddering and crying. Light panicked now and shook L, telling him to wake up. That what he was seeing wasn't happening. That it was a dream and L needed to wake up. Tears were leaking out of L's eyes and he was moaning in terror. He was hyperventilating, breathing as if he'd run a marathon. But he didn't wake up. Light took L's face in his hand gently and pressed soft kisses to it whilst begging L to wake up and held L tightly. After a short time, L's eyes flew open. He saw he was in Light's arms and he pulled away as fast as he could, terrified about something. He was trembling, and trying so hard to stay away. As soon as he was on the other side of the bed, he burst into tears.

"L? Love? Tell me what happened?" Light asked gently, moving to sit beside the crying man.

"No...no... please...no..." L moved away from Light again, shuffling so that he was slowly moving away from the other. "Please no... I don't want to ... I won't..."

"L, it's me, Light, I won't hurt you I promise," Light said soothingly not moving towards L.

"No...No you won't..." L was hyperventilating so much now he was close to passing out. He was now in a fully formed panic attack. A hand went to grip his chest, his heart was beating too fast and he was sure it was going to explode. "You won't... I'll hurt... I'll hurt you... NO!" He wasn't sobbing anymore, he couldn't, he was hyperventilating too much. "Please don't let me..."

"L calm down. I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. You won't hurt me. I trust you my love," Light continued firmly, hoping that would calm him. "Now you will calm down before you hurt yourself and if you make yourself pass out again I will be annoyed. I am fine." But L wasn't listening. He was trying hard to breathe now, and the hyperventilating was making him more panicked, causing him to hyperventilate even more. Quite soon, L's eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he slumped forward, passed out. His breathing was calming down and his heart rate slowing.

Light screamed in frustration. Spitting out curses in rapid fire and in multiple languages he set L up so his feet were raised. He only barely restrained himself from kicking the wall which had become a very attractive idea, but he threw his fury into pacing.

Hope your enjoying this so far, but I won't hold it against you if you don't review since it has taken me so long to update.