Even though I really hate my laptop at the moment, because I delayed so long in updating I thought I might as well give you two instead of one.

After about five minutes, L was still unconscious. He was breathing normally now, but still, there was no movement from the male. By this time Light had started to calm down when he accidentally looked at L and was set off again. L remained unconscious for around another half an hour, before a soft moan escaped his lips and his eyes blinked open. He just lay there for a while, staring at the roof. Meanwhile Light was in the kitchen drinking lots and lots of very strong coffee.

When L sat up, he looked around for Light and didn't see him. His head was aching, killing him. He shuffled to the kitchen, rubbing the back of his head tiredly. He didn't put any clothes on and he saw Light in the kitchen. Memories of his panic attack had completely faded, he had no idea about it; as far as he knew, he'd fallen asleep beside Light and just woke up now. He smiled at Light and moved passed him to find some Advil.

"Morning."

"Afternoon actually," Light shot back and returned to his coffee.

L paused for a second, confused. "Are you okay?" He asked, having not liked the tone he'd used on him. He tried to think back to something he could've done to make Light angry. Did Light not want the sex? But he'd asked for it...

With a sinking feeling, L thought that must be it. Horrified, he found himself leaning against the wall. "Please tell me I didn't..."

"You had another panic attack," Light finished staring at his empty mug. L realised that he shouldn't be feeling relief at that, but he did. He relaxed and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He looked at Light and smiled sheepishly.

"I'm sorry..." He said softly, "If I scared you... but how did you know it was another?" he asked quietly, a small smile forming, "Are you remembering more...?"

"Yeah…" Light replied shortly, a dark expression on his face.

"What did you remember, are you okay..." L was getting more and more worried now; he took a small step forward, towards Light, reaching out with his hand.

"I just remembered how once again I was utterly useless in helping you. So useless in face that you end up knocking yourself unconscious," Light murmured, his fists clenched, furious that the other man was able to get him like that. L stepped further forward and put his hand on Light's shoulder.

"It's okay," he said quietly, "My losing consciousness after a panic attack is normal. It's the way my body reacts to the lack of oxygen and elevated CO2 levels." He smiled softly, "I'm fine, see... You don't need to take care of me all the time. You're the one who needs it now."

"That's a cold comfort," Light replied dryly and stood, picking up the cup and taking it to the kitchen.

"Light..." L followed Light and looked at him, a sad sigh escaping him. "Please talk to me..." He said, "I'm sorry for having another attack, I can't help it, but please... please don't be upset about it..."

"I know it's not your fault and I'm not upset with you… I'm angry at me." Light sighed and placed his hands on the bench in front of him, his back to L. "I hate seeing you hurt so much or be so scared, but when nothing I do seems to have any effect and I have to sit by and watch you hyperventilate till you pass out…"

"Light... Look at me... please..." L was still talking quietly. He walked so that he was stood behind Light. "There is nobody in this world that I can help me when I'm like that, nobody who I don't shy away from. There's nobody who I'm not paranoid about." He put his hand on Light's shoulder, "But you're the only person that I get paranoid that I'm going to hurt."

"L, panic attacks increase your risk of heart attack and stroke," Light replied sounding flat. "I couldn't handle it if I lost you."

"Light, please." L didn't know what he was asking for, maybe for the other to turn and look at him? "You're making this sound like I do it on purpose, like I do it to spite you..." He let his hand drop, and made sure his emotions were hidden, going back to the way he was during the Kira case, shut off, emotionless. "I'll do the only thing I know how to, to stop them then." He said, his voice returning to its monotone. Then, he turned around and left the room. Light was after L in a flash, his arms wrapping around L.

"I know it's not your fault, I'm just scared because as paranoid as you are about me getting hurt, I get about you being hurt. I'm sorry," Light said, hoping that his anger hadn't stuffed everything up. Sighing softly, L leaned against Light, bringing his hand up to rest on Light's chest.

"I love you..." He said softly, not sure what else he could say. His voice was still monotonic. It was easier to deal with emotions if you never had to think about them.

"I love you too," Light whispered, holding L tightly, trying to bring back even the slightest amount of control back to his side. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I was being stupid. Please don't close yourself off from me. I'm sorry…" L pulled away slightly to look at Light. Sighing softly, he took Light's hand and led him to the bedroom, gently sitting him down on the bed. He looked down at the other and gave him a small smile.

"Things are just hard for me at the moment, for both of us." He said softly, heaving another sigh. He looked away for a second, trying to figure out what to say. He then looked at Light and smiled again. "It's easier to deal with if I don't deal at all... Just give me some time..." Light curled up against L, resting his head on L's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Light murmured. Leaning closer to Light, L nodded, falling down onto the bed and holding Light.

"Things are so messed up." He mumbled.

"I guess, but no matter how badly things get messed up I will never leave you because I know that as long as I have you things will eventually be ok," Light said softly.

"You've been watching chic flicks again...haven't you...?" L said with an invisible eyebrow raised. He sighed softly before shaking his head. "We can't sleep again," He said softly, "We need to see your mother and sister..."

"I though I explained that because I have said little sister I had no choice in the matter," Light retorted, rolling his eyes. "Let's go then…" Quickly he moved out of his lovers arms and began to straighten himself out, walking into the bathroom to correct his hair.

L moved to put on some clothes, finding a clean set; he looked at them with a smile. They were very formal, even more so than the suit he'd worn on his date with Light. He put them on, grimacing as he felt uncomfortable in them. He sighed and looked in the mirror. He then went to their secondary bathroom and sorted his own hair out.

He wasn't even sure if Light knew they had a secondary bathroom...

Soon, he looked at his reflection and frowned slightly. He looked... Presentable. He'd taken ten minutes to flatten his hair. It was now down to his shoulders. But he'd pulled it behind him into a small ponytail. Sighing he turned from the mirror and walked to the bedroom. "I dunno about this hair..." He mumbled, "But your father kept saying that my hair made me look less respectable..."

Light nearly choked when he saw L before wheezing, "Why on Earth did you listen to my father's fashion advice?"

"They're your family... I have to make an effort." L pouted slightly, looking down at his clothes. "Even if I do feel like an overdressed penguin."

"Can't you make an effort in some other way?" Light asked in a mock beg. "If you go looking like that my sister will just laugh at you and then ask me why on Earth I let you leave the house looking like that."

"It's not good?" L asked, seemingly distressed. He pulled the hair tie out of his hair and shook it until it was back to normal. He then looked down at his clothes and snorted, "I guess I do look like a waiter..."

He sighed and sat on the bed. "I have nothing else to wear..." He admitted, "All I have are white shirts and blue jeans..."

"Then wear that," Light replied smiling. "You feel more comfortable and so you will feel more confident. I like you in you white shirt and jeans anyway."

"Pfft," L looked at Light and smiled sheepishly. "It's your family. I have to make some sort of effort." He sighed and nodded, standing and removing his jacket and shirt. He casually tossed them aside and stripped until he was naked (yeah, he'd forgotten to put on underwear). He then reached into his draw to take out the clean clothes for him to wear. After L was dressed, he turned to Light, slightly sheepishly. "You should probably call your mother...let her know we're coming."

"Ok," Light replied grinning and pulled his phone out of his pocket to call. L sighed softly and moved to the bed. He didn't know why he was nervous. Maybe because Light might change his mind? He might want to live with his parents while he didn't remember L? He was nervous that maybe Light's parents wouldn't want him coming back. He found himself pulling his legs to his chest, sitting like he used to with his thumb in his mouth. He smiled softly as he watched Light on the phone. He could deal, if Light wanted to live with his parents, he'd understand that, he'd accept that – if it made Light happy. Light put down the phone and sighed.

"They are expecting us," Light informed L and walked over to him. Sighing softly, L nodded, biting his lip. He sent a nervous smile to Light and stood.

"Shall we then...?" He asked, heading to the door.

"Sure," Light replied grinning and followed after L. Once they were outside, L smiled softly at Light. It was a nice day, so L figured they could walk, rather than driving. It wasn't far away. He moved to walk beside Light and put his arm through Light's. Light was smiling now as he walked with L, letting the comfortable silence continue. By the time they got to Light's place, L was fidgeting and bouncing on his feet. He couldn't keep still. He was so nervous. He sent a shaky smile at Light and let out a deep breath.

"Hey, calm down. You've been through the hard part," Light reminded and knocked on the door.

"Oh yeah?" L asked, "What if your mom doesn't want to let you come back with me? What if she wants to take care of you – she'd do a better job than me..." He smiled nervously at Light and shook his head. "I think the hard part is just getting started."

"Do you want me to leave you?" Light asked sounding annoyed, his hand falling from the door.

"No." L admitted loudly, "I just..." He quieted himself slightly. "I just want you to be happy." He looked at Light and smiled softly, "If you spending some time with your family will make you happy, I won't stop you... but your parents would probably get annoyed when they realize they have not one but two extra house guests..."

"Well I am happy with you. We're not ready to be apart yet… I'm not ready," Light murmured. L nodded, leaning closer to the other before leaning forward and knocking on the door again. He then turned and looked at Light, smiling softly. Light returned the smile and took L's hand in his, unsure of how affectionate he was with L around his family. L was still a little nervous, but he squeezed Light's hand and turned to the door, waiting for it to open. When they got no response Light knocked again, louder guessing that Sayu was probably watching a movie with his mum and didn't hear. After a short while, L frowned and took out his cellphone. He called Light's home number, and soon there was an answer. After a short conversation, he put the phone away and looked at Light in confusion.

"Your mom said to go around the back..." Light nodded and lead L around to where he had instructed. There was a rather large shout of 'surprise' as they rounded the corner. L smiled softly, having been told of this on the cell phone. He smiled to Light as his mother came up to embrace him and kiss him as only a mother could. L took a step back, allowing his lover's mother to take care of him for now. He looked around the garden. It was well decorated, with lots of banners everywhere and party hats on what looked to be the entirety of the neighbourhood. There was a stage set up, along with a microphone. Someone was stepping up on the stage, someone blond, wearing black Lolita... L made his way back to Light's side to whisper in his ear.

"Misa's here."

He knew Light would remember Misa, but he didn't know if he'd remember how they broke up. Light swore under his breath and moved closer to L.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Light complained, realising that he now had one more person to put up with.

"Probably wanting to get you back." L hypothesised. "She's probably thinking that you don't remember breaking up with her... since it was sortta me who broke you two up... Let's just say she didn't like to be forced to become voyeuristic."

"Llll," Light whined. "Can't we come back later, please? I don't want to have to deal with her now."

Smiling softly, L nodded, "Your mother went to a lot of trouble. I'll get rid of Misa." He said with a smile. He then left Light with his mother and went to the stage.

"Misa!" He called the blonde over. She grinned and bounced to L.

"Hello pervert. I heard that Light doesn't remember you!" She seemed very happy about that fact. L just smirked slightly.

"He didn't. But now he's remembering, and he still intends to marry me. Right now though, he doesn't want to see you. He doesn't want you here but-" He raised a hand to stop Misa from interrupting, "I heard that there's a party on Tokyo tower that wants you there! Go! You'll be late!"

Misa's eyes widened, and she seemed to forget about Light as she bounced off the stage. "Are you sure! They want Misa Misa!"

"They won't settle for anyone else." L reassured her. She bounced off the stage and ran out the garden. Smirking, L returned to Light's side. "She's gone." He told him. Light smiled and hugged L tightly.

"What on Earth would I do without you," Light murmured and kissed L's cheek, finding it easier to pretend now that the gaps in his mind were slowly beginning to fill. Smiling, L placed his head on Light's shoulder and looked around.

"Where's your mom?" He asked, "She was looking forward to seeing you."

"No idea," Light replied softly. L laughed a little and looked around. Really, he was quite uncomfortable around this many people. "Do you even know all these people?" He asked, spotting Matsuda beside what looked to be a buffet table. "I mean...the task force are here...but what about the others... It looks like it could be the entire population of your school..." of course, this was a bit of an over reaction – but there were a lot of people.

"Of course I do," Light replied laughing, the ease he felt at being somewhere truly familiar shadowed by L's presence. "I doubt mum would invite people I didn't."

"There's a lot... of people here." He was holding onto Light's hand, quite tightly actually. He was putting on a brave face, smiling shakily. He really was nervous around people, he always had been.

"I noticed," Light said dryly, "Sure, you don't want to leave?" L nodded, clutching Light's hand while looking around a little nervously.

"No... this is your party..." He turned to smile at Light, "What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I pulled you away from your own party just for my own fears...?" He laughed slightly and shook his head. "I'll deal with it."

"You would be mine. Come on, let's go," Light said and squeezed L's hand, leading him away from the party and inside. "Let's go to my room."

"Light," L stopped, digging his heels in the ground to prevent Light from carrying on. "Light, no. Go mingle. These are your people, your friends." He smiled at him, all be it shakily, "I'll be alright. If I want quiet, I'll move here..."

"No, I said I knew them, I didn't say they were my friends," Light said quietly. "I won't leave you alone when you don't know anyone."

"I'm alright..." L assured Light with a smile. He reached out with the hand not holding Light's. He gently stroked his cheek. "Really, your mother went through a lot to put this together. We can be alone together soon." He leaned forward and kissed Light softly and pulled back with a smile. "Besides, I have to face my fears, otherwise I never will."

"But fears are supposed to be dealt with slowly," Light countered.

"I'll be all right, so long as I know that you're here too." L sent a smile to Light, a very charming, and confident smile, with only the barest hint of nervousness.

"Why do you have to be so damn beautiful?" Light muttered, allowing L the victory.

"Because you make me that way," L mumbled, smiling still. "C'mon, let's go join the party," He said softly, cocking his head towards the door and keeping a hold of his hand. Grumbling Light followed, dragging his feet as he went. Grinning, L stopped dragging Light and turned around to kiss Light deeply. He then pulled away and gestured outside. "C'mon... lets go eat something..."

"Ok ," Light agreed reluctantly and allowed L to pull him along. L led them to the food table and picked up a plate, filling it with sweets and some pizza (Hawaiian! How did she know!). He made sure to have more pizza than sweets. He really loved pizza, and he had Light to thank for that. Light laughed at L's selection and got some food himself.

"Never thought I would see the day you would put pizza before sweets." L smiled at Light and shrugged, "When we started sleeping together, our activities caused me to become exhausted and sleep through the night. I didn't need as much sugar, and it started to make me feel ill, so we ordered pizza. Since then, I've been craving pizza." He smiled softly and started eating the pizza. "I'm surprised you remembered my love for sweets." Light's smiled tightened. He hadn't remembered, not really, but he chose not to comment. Smiling, L nodded and looked around to find a place to sit. Most of the chairs were taken, but L saw one free. He pulled Light towards the chair, sitting him down and sitting on his lap. Light wrapped an arm around L to steady him, ignoring the stares sent by the other guests that Light was only too keen to ignore. L was completely relaxed against Light, eating his food and ignoring all the people around him. He was still a little nervous, especially as people were staring at him, but he ignored it completely. Smiling softly at Light, he offered him some pizza. Light steadied L's hand and took a delicate bite of the pizza.

"Mmm… Nice choice," Light murmured. Smiling, L nodded, trying to move closer to Light, to meld to him. Maybe then the people would stop staring. Really, had they never seen two lovers together before?

"I love you," Light said quietly.

"I love you too." L replied, starting to become more apparently shaken. His body was starting to tremble slightly. "Everyone's staring..." He mumbled quietly, feeling quite uncomfortable.

"Yeah well we are being rather affectionate," Light replied feeling at ease.

"But that's our business..." L mumbled a little annoyed. He took another slice of pizza and began to demolish it, leaning closer to Light. His feet were now on the chair on either side of Light's legs, his shoes having been slipped off moments earlier. "They don't have to stare..."

"I never said that it wasn't rude of them to do so blatantly, but as I said these aren't my friends," Light replied chuckling as he watched L eat so enthusiastically.

"Still, your mother went to a lot of trouble, we owe it to her to stay." He smiled and licked his fingers clean, sticking them in his mouth before sucking on them and pulling them out. The staring was starting to get very annoying, and he was feeling even more anxious. Taking a deep breath, he smiled sheepishly and got off Light. "Sorry," he mumbled, "I need... I need to go somewhere... away from people..." He was beginning to hyperventilate, and he didn't want to go through another attack. They'd been happening far too much recently, and he hated Light's reaction to them. "I'll... I'll come back soon," He sent him another sheepish smile before practically running from the garden. He found himself in Light's room (knowing where it was from the cameras). He sat under Light's desk and put his head between his knees, holding onto the top of it with his hands. He concentrated on his breathing, in, hold, out. In, hold, out. Soon, he was beginning to calm down. Light felt like he had been slapped. He hadn't failed to notice how panicked L had become but the fact that L hadn't wanted him there actually hurt. Maybe L really did think he was useless or maybe he thought he would over react again.

Of course he was going to over react the first time he saw it and even though it wasn't the first time for him the last time it wasn't like he remembered it. He had just been reciting the lines he had heard… Light buried his face in his hands. Hearing voices. Great now he was losing his mind too.

After about ten minutes, L came back into the garden, looking shaken. His hair was wet at the front; he'd obviously splashed water on his face. He walked up to Light and smiled sheepishly, playing with the sleeves of his shirt.

"I'm gonna head home," He said quietly, his smile fading for a second before being replaced. "Sorry...there's just...too many people here..." He ran his hand over his face – it was still shaking. He looked down at Light and smiled again. "You should... you should stay – enjoy-enjoy the party." It was obvious that he didn't want that to happen, but he knew that Light should stay behind, that he should enjoy the party his mother had spent so much on getting ready. But what he desperately wanted, was for Light to stay by his side, to come home with him.

"I haven't been enjoying the party since the second you left so there is no way in hell I will now," Light said smiling gently, though the hand behind his back tightened into a fist at the idea of following L around like this. "Come on, let's go home. I tell mum that we're leaving and we can go."

"Oh thank god..." L muttered with a sigh of relief. He smiled at Light and shakily took his hand. He then looked around for Light's mother. "Can you see her?" He couldn't see her in the sea of people around. Light walked over to someone and asked before returning to L.

"They said she is in the kitchen." Light replied and pulled L in that direction. Light's mom was indeed in the kitchen, and L let go of his hand, standing by the door. He was letting the other have a little privacy with his mother, and at the same time, trying to calm his breathing down. He was still a little freaked about being around so many people. Light turned his head to smile at L before facing his mum.

"Mum, I'm sorry but something's come up and I have to go," Light said calmly when his mum turned to face him. L was shuffling, from one foot to the other, looking around nervously. If one didn't know better, one might mistake L for a burglar, or other criminal. But as it was, he was just a little anxious to be out of the party.

A couple of minutes later Light returned and took L's hand.

"Come on, let's go," Light said softly. Nodding, L squeezed Light's hand slightly, hastily leading them away from the gathering. He took a deep breath once they were away and sighed softly, leaning against Light and suddenly feeling quite weak.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Light said gently as he wrapped his arms around L. "You made me so proud. I know how scared you were but you still tried to stay for me." Smiling softly, L leaned closer to Light.

"But I shouldn't be afraid." He said with a sigh. "I blame my upbringing for that..." He mumbled, "I had my own room, the children weren't allowed to come near me unless I said it was alright, I was pretty much left alone to do my work..."

"It's not your fault," Light insisted and kissed L's cheek. "Let's go home ok?"

"Yeah... I'd like that..." L said with a small smile. He kept his trembling body close to Light as they walked.

Thanks to everyone who is still reading this and I will try to update more often, though I'm not promising anything.