Welcome back to another chapter of 'It Started with a Massage'. Thanks for everyone who is reading and reviewing since I really enjoy hearing what people think of it and speculate about what will happen next. Anyway I should be writing an essay right now… Oh well, enjoy the update.
Warning: May contain triggers
"Doctor? A word?" he asked, smiling at the male.
"Of course," Doctor Kennedy answered cheerfully.
"What is his condition?" L asked, making his way inside the office and sitting down. "How bad is he, really?"
"He is actually doing very well. The sedatives have been going really well but his exhaustion is to be expected, it shouldn't last too much longer," The doctor said smiling softly.
L let himself sigh in relief and smiled at the doctor. "Thank you, Doctor. How long do you think he'll have to remain in hospital?" He asked, "I want to take him home..."
"Maybe a week to be on the safe side and by then he should be up and moving around a bit though he will still get tired easily so probably nothing too strenuous for a while," Doctor Kennedy replied.
L nodded, smiling and standing. "Thank you Doctor." He said. He moved to the door and returned to Light's side. "The doctor said you're doing well... You can go home in a week or so." He sat beside Light and looked at him for a second before bowing his head. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, "It's my fault you're here..."
"How is it your fault?" Light said sounding annoyed, his mask easier to keep in place now that he had rested and put his thoughts in order. Easier to pretend everything was normal.
"Because of what I did in France. If I hadn't done that, you wouldn't have become so clingy to have a panic attack when I locked myself in a bathroom. You wouldn't have been running around Paris looking for me, and you wouldn't have hit your head." With every sentence, L pulled his legs closer and closer to his chest. "I'm sorry. I really am."
"I swear if you were given the time to think about it you could probably find a way to blame yourself for most, if not all, the problems I have ever had," Light said rolling his eyes.
"But this one is my fault!" L protested, staring at Light. "I should be arrested for what I did! Instead, I'm sitting here; worried to death about you because of the situation I put you in!"
"You should have had me executed," Light whispered.
L's eyes widened and he stared at Light, "W-what?" He asked, wondering if Light had... had he remembered? Which meant he remembered what had happened in Paris... and he remembered Kira...? "L-Light...why would I have you ex-executed...?"
"You know exactly why," Light said, before a sudden thoughtful expression crossed his face. "Just wondering do you think Near, Matt and Mello could visit?"
"They can if you want them to." L said with a small nod. He wasn't looking at the other, knowing that he was talking about. "I'll go and call them..." He mumbled standing and moving to the door. "I didn't have you executed because the Death Note drives you to kill," He said quietly. "I used it too." He then left the room, going to look for a pay phone. Light's eyes were full of self-loathing once L left the room and he rested while he waited for the other to return.
L returned ten minutes later and looked at Light with a small smile. He moved closer to the bed and looked at him. "They're on their way. Watari's bringing them over and they'll be here soon." He said softly.
Light nodded, "good, Near was worried about us. About you."
L nodded and looked at Light with a smile. "They know how happy you make me; they were probably worried that something had happened..." Light lifted his hand up to motion for L to come closer, smiling lightly. A little confused, L moved closer to Light, smiling a little sheepishly at him. "Hmm?" Light rolled his eyes and motioned him closer again. Now close enough to be face to face with Light, L frowned. Their breath was mingling, becoming one. "What is it?" He asked quietly, looking Light in the eyes. Light grinned and lent forward to press his lips to L's. Closing his eyes, L let out a soft sigh as he opened his mouth to kiss Light back. His hand went to his cheek and he pulled back with a smile. "I love you." He whispered. "More than I've ever loved anything..."
"Same," Light said softly, pressing his cheek into L's hand. "Now do you know why I wanted you to come closer?"
Blinking a few times, L looked at Light. "You wanted to kiss me?" He asked, puzzled. That's what he'd thought Light had wanted.
"Yes," Light replied grinning impishly. Chuckling at that, L moved closer and kissed Light again. Then he pulled back.
"The doctor said nothing strenuous." He gently prodded Light's nose. "So keep the making out to a minimum. I'd rather you not get even more hurt because you wanted to kiss me senseless." He said with a small laugh.
"By too strenuous I think he meant getting me off," Light said with a small scowl on his face. "Anyway, don't you want to kiss me senseless now I don't have hair?"
"What's hair got to do with anything?" L asked, completely confused. He shook his head, "And if we do end up in a make out session, I'll want to get you off." He smiled softly at the other.
"I was never meant to be bald. It wouldn't suit me. I haven't looked in the mirror to check though," Light explained. "As for getting me off, you will have to wait for a while longer, but I still want to be able to kiss you as much and as often as I want… Even if I don't look as attractive."
"You're kidding right?" L asked, looking at Light. "You don't need hair to be attractive..." He grinned then, "You want some of mine? I've got enough to share..." He said with a laugh, pulling at his own black locks. He shook his head and leaned over Light to kiss him passionately. He then pulled back and smiled at Light. "You're beautiful."
"You're sweet, but I know I am going to look weird once the bandages come off," Light said sounding a little distracted from the kiss.
"You look fine." L reassured him. He smiled softly at the other, "Trust me, you're gorgeous." He whispered, moving closer, kissing him again. "My love, you're perfect. I don't care about hair or anything like that. Hair or no hair, you're the most beautiful person I've ever known."
"Now I'm just depressed," Light said frowning again.
"Why?" L sounded a little offended and worried at the same time. Why did him thinking Light was beautiful make him depressed!
"I used to spend all that time making my hair look nice only to find out I would look just as nice if I just shaved it off," Light explained, his frown turning into a pout. L laughed, chuckling good naturedly. He smiled and shook his head.
"Your hair is something you love. You feel more beautiful with it." He said with a smile, "So in a way, it does make you more beautiful, but only to you." L frowned slightly, "If that makes sense."
"Not helping…" Light said, his pout growing.
"It's what's on the inside that counts?" L asked in a squeaking voice. He had a sheepish look on his face, "It'll grow back?" he tried, "I don't care about what you look like." That one wasn't a question. Light didn't even answer that time. He just crossed his arms and rolled over onto his side, facing away from L. "Light... C'mon..." L sighed, reaching out to touch Light's shoulder, trying to turn him around. "Light, why does it bother you so much?" He asked quietly, "Hair is just hair." He shrugged, not really understanding at all.
"I just finished telling you that I spend a lot of time on my hair. You're the detective work it out…"
"You like your hair. But don't worry." He said softly, "It'll grow back. It won't take long, trust me, hair grows quickly." He smiled softly, his hand on Light's shoulder squeezing slightly. "It'll be back in no time at all..." Light rolled his eyes and tried not to imagine the months where his hair would be awkwardly short. Pouting himself, at the fact that Light hadn't turned back to face him, L sighed and climbed onto Light's bed, straddling the male and leaning down to be by his side, looking him up in the face. "Light... C'mon... look at me... You're acting as if it's the end of the world..." Light glanced up at L.
"You keep saying that I am beautiful, but I am so used to being judged on my physical appearance alone that when go on and say that my physical appearance doesn't matter… It confuses me," Light murmured.
"You're beautiful, but even if you weren't, I'd still love you." L clarified. "That's what I meant." He smiled down at Light and kissed him. Light returned the kiss softly, a small smile beginning to form on his lips. Mello was smirking, and Near was looking at L and Light as if it was something fascinating.
"What are you doing?" He asked, to which, Mello smirked more. Light and L broke apart and Light glanced over to where the three boys stood. Matt's eyes though were fixed to his game as always.
"Well he…" Light indicated L. "… is trying to show me that he still thinks I'm good looking without hair," Light replied and gave a barely perceptible snort before L got off him and he turned to lie on his back again and propped himself up with a press of a button since he couldn't sit up unsupported for very long.
L laughed slightly and shook his head, "I think he's beautiful." He admitted, wiping the saliva off his mouth. He looked at Light and smiled at him. Near grimaced and looked at the pair of them.
"That looked uncomfortable." He said, "Kissing seems like a waste of time." Mello smirked at Near before moving closer to Matt and leaning against him, being almost clingy, but not actually touching the other male. He just needed to be close to him. He was looking over at the pair, smiling lightly now. He was glad that they were okay. Light just smiled at Near and reached out a hand to take L's.
"So what have you all been up to?" Light asked cheerfully. Mello just looked at Matt, moving closer to him. Near shrugged.
"Well that's informative," L said sarcastically. Light laughed softly.
"Well at least you don't have to eat hospital food," Light said and made a sour face. "It really is as bad as what they say. So basically what you three are saying is that you have done nothing that could be more interesting than what I have been up to, which is absolutely nothing." L laughed a little, and Mello nodded. He was looking at Matt though, something strange in his eyes. He then turned to L and smiled, gesturing for the door. Would he mind if they left? L made a face which showed that it wasn't okay for them to go. Mello pouted slightly, but stayed, leaning close to Matt. Near nodded.
"I have been doing more puzzles." He said, "And we have been eating normal food. Would you like me to go to the store and bring you some real food?" He asked.
"No, it's ok. The nurses would probably confiscate it anyway," Light replied his smile brightening.
Matt turned to face Mello and seeing the expression on Mello's face he caught Light's eyes and nodded to indicate they were would just be a minute and tugged Mello out of the room before L could protest. As soon as they were out of the room, Mello pushed Matt into a wall, leaning against him and hugging him tightly before pulling away and kissing him desperately. He wanted to be close to Matt, to be touched by him, to be close to him. Pulling away from the kiss, he moved closer to him and hugged him close, desperately.
"Matt..." he whispered, his voice desperate. Matt returned the embrace gently.
"What is it Mells?" He asked softly, stroking Mello's back.
"Don't ever get hurt." Mello ordered in his now quiet voice. He was clutching onto Matt tightly. "Don't scare me, don't get hurt." He was shaking now, clutching tightly onto the other male. He'd seen the look in L's eyes. The older male was still terrified; worried that Light was going to be even more hurt.
"I can't promise you that I won't ever get hurt, but I will promise that I will try my best not to; for you," Matt replied. Mello nodded, leaning against the other.
"Matt... I love you." He said. This had been the most he'd spoken since the incident. He pulled away and looked at Matt, leaning up to kiss him again. "Love you." He whispered against those lips. Matt returned the kiss softly.
"I love you too," Matt replied and squeezed his arms around Mello softly but not enough to be constricting. Kissing Matt again, Mello sighed softly. He relaxed completely against the other, his arms around him and his eyes closed. He didn't want to pull back; he didn't want to move away from Matt. All he wanted was to stay close to him. Pleased with the affection that Mello was displaying, Matt allowed the boy to stay close and remained silent. After a short while, Mello pulled back and just leaned against Matt, holding him. This had been the most kissing he'd done since before the incident. His heart was racing, and his head was spinning.
"Matt... I want to make love to you." He said quietly. "I us want to have sex."
"Are you sure you're ready for that?" Matt asked gently.
"I don't know." Mello said truthfully. "But I want it. I want to be with you." He was trembling as he said those words. He wanted to be with Matt, but he was afraid of what memories might surface.
"Ok, how about this… We give it a go but you can be in control and we will only take it as far as you're comfortable with," Matt suggested and continued to rub the others back gently. Mello nodded, comforted by the small gesture on his back. He sighed softly, relaxing against the other.
"Should we go back inside?" he asked quietly.
"Sure dad will probably be pissed if we don't come back soon," Matt replied smiling. Mello smiled a little, nodding. He stayed close to Matt though. He loved to be held by the other. With his arm still wrapped around Mello's waist he led them back to Light's room, allowing Mello to go in first. Mello entered the room, keeping close to Matt, and looked at him with a smile.
"Welcome back," L mumbled with a raised eyebrow. Near was sat on Light's bed, having been 'practicing' his words again.
"Me and Mells needed to sort something out," Matt said and tugged Mello over to a chair. Mello followed Matt, sitting down on Matt's lap. He shuffled close to the other male. Near looked at the pair of them and cocked his head to the side.
"Are you alright, Mello?" he asked, concern evident in his voice. Mello just glared at the child, still hating him.
"He's fine," Matt replied and took out his game boy from before.
"Mello..." L said slowly, "Why don't you talk?" He was still sat on Light, not having thought of the need to get off him. He kept close to his lover. Mello stayed silent.
"I think he is still trying to build up trust in people and he has decided to start with me. That way he has someone to trust absolutely in case the others fail," Matt said shrugging. Mello nodded, moving closer to Matt, snuggling into his shoulder. He didn't say anything, but he kept close.
L nodded, "Alright." He said softly, looking at Mello with a small smile.
"Well it's good he is talking to you anyway," Light said optimistically. L nodded, agreeing with Light. Near looked at Mello and stood, climbing down off the bed. He walked over to him before looking at Matt, as if trying to ascertain his reaction to what he was about to do. Then, he leaned forward and hugged Mello. Mello squirmed slightly, feeling uncomfortable. He was glaring at the other, but after a short while, he brought his arm up to briefly hug Near back before pushing him away. He was flushed, but he contorted his face into a glare to hide it with mock anger.
Light smiled at Near proudly and moved to lower his bed slightly. L smiled at Light and lay down next to him, not sitting anymore. He curled up against him, his arms around him. Light snuggled back against L, his eyes drooping slightly. Since the operation he had found it difficult to stay awake for long periods and the stress wasn't helping. Smiling softly, L stroked Light's cheek while looking at his boys. Near was sat on the floor with a puzzle he'd found before. Mello was still snuggling with Matt.
Everyone seemed happy.
"Hey, I'm really tired so I probably will fall asleep soon, 'k," Light whispered.
"Okay. Just... sleep." He said softly, looking at his boys. "When you've gone to sleep, I'll get Watari to take the boys home." He said with a smile. Light didn't need any further encouragement before he was out. Disentangling himself from Light, L looked at the boys.
"Matt, Mello, Near... It's time to go back now." He said, "Is Watari still here?" He asked, looking at Matt.
"Nah, he said he had stuff to do but to call when it was time for us to leave," Matt replied. L nodded, reaching into his pocket for some coins.
"Alright then. Go call him." He said with a small smile. "Tell him you'll be in Light's room, and then come back up here. He can pick you up from here. Oh, and tell him to bring some chocolate cake or Hawaiian pizza."
"Sure," Matt replied and got Mello off his lap. He took the coins before taking Mello's hand and leading him out of the room. Mello stuck close to Matt, not wanting to leave him. He held his hand tightly, keeping close to him. Matt got to the phone quickly and made the call. When he was done he turned to face Mello. Smiling at the other, Mello moved closer to Matt, his head on his shoulder and his arms around his waist. He loved to be close to him, to feel this sense of intimacy.
"We'll be home soon," Matt whispered and lead Mello back. Mello nodded, holding Matt's hand and leaning closer to him. He sighed softly and smiled.
"Love you." He mumbled.
"Love you too," Matt answered and kissed Mello's cheek. Blushing slightly, Mello smiled at Matt.
"Let's get going." He said quietly. They got back into the room and L looked at Matt and Mello, smiling softly.
"That was quick." He said quietly.
"Yeah," Matt replied and tugged Mello onto his lap on the closest chair. Mello let himself fall onto Matt's lap, almost seeming like a doll. He snuggled against his chest. Near sat up straight and looked at Matt and Mello.
"Is Watari coming?" he asked. Mello nodded.
"Y-yeah." Matt kissed Mello's head, proud of his love. Mello turned his face into Matt's chest, holding him tighter. Why was it so hard for him to talk to people? Why couldn't he just be like he used to be? L smiled proudly at Mello. Near was smiling at him.
"Thank you, Mello." He said softly.
"So proud of you Mells," Matt whispered. Mello nodded, leaning against the other. He sighed softly. Near continued with his game, and L lay next to Light, closing his eyes beside his lover. Watari turned up a few minutes later.
"Are you three ready to go?" Watari asked and placed the pizza on the table. L sniffed and sat up. He'd fallen asleep, only to be woke by the smell of pizza. He looked at the boys and smiled at them. "You can come back any time." He told them. "And as soon as possible, we'll bring Light home." Mello nodded standing but staying close to Matt's side. Near looked at L, then at Light.
"Tell him to call when he's feeling better..." He said softly before walking out of the room. Matt kept Mello's body against his as he lead the boy to the car outside.
The drive home was short and silent. And when they got inside the large hotel, Mello pulled Matt towards the elevator and then into their room. Once there, he pulled him all the way to the bedroom before looking at the other male. He was a little nervous, but he smiled slightly. His hand reached up to gently stroke Matt's cheek and he leaned forward to kiss him. Matt returned the kiss softly and moving to sit onto the bed, surrendering completely to Mello. Mello gently pushed Matt down and kissed him deeply. He moved to straddle him. He leaned forward and kissed him again before pulling back.
"I can't," He said quietly, looking upset about it. "I just... I can't..." Tears started falling and he shook his head. Matt embraced Mello gently.
"Hey, it's ok," Matt murmured. "I am so proud that you are already this far. As I said before, we'll only go as far as you're ready, so don't even think about me." Mello was shaking his head, sobbing lightly.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled. "But... Every time I try... I think... I think about what happened..." He curled up on himself on Matt's lap. "I think about how it felt..." He shook his head, "I'm scared Matt..."
"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about," Matt whispered. "It's only natural to feel scared after what that monster did to you. The fact that you allow me to hold you like this so soon after is more than most others in the same position would be able to. We can take this slowly, only as much as you're ready for. I love you Mells."
With that, Mello started to cry even more. He clung onto Matt, shaking his head and sobbing. After a moment, he was able to pull back and look at Matt, smiling softly, even through the tears that were still cascading down his face. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" he asked, "Because what ever it is, I'm going to keep doing it."
"Since when did video game geeks become popular?" Matt joked, and gently kissed Mello's cheek.
"God Matt..." Mello mumbled leaning into the other's chest again. "You have to be the smartest, most beautiful, sweetest male alive. And I thank god that I'm gay, and that you are too. And that we're together." He laughed slightly. "Now I sound like a girl."
Matt chuckled softly and just held Mello gently. "Yes, thank god I have you."
Sighing softly, Mello brought a hand up to wipe away his tears. "I love you Matt." He said quietly, sincerely.
"I love you too Mells," Matt replied.
Back at the hospital, L had fallen asleep beside Light, now however, the nurse was trying to get him to leave.
"Visiting hours are over sir. Please. The patients need their rest, and you have to go."
"I'm not leaving him." L crossed his arms defiantly.
The nurse glared at him, "I may have to bring someone in to bodily remove you." She threatened, and L just gave her a daring look. On the bed Light suddenly frowned and bit his lip as if in pain that was growing worse, but he barely let out a whimper. L completely ignored the nurse to look at Light.
"Light, are you alright?" he asked gently. Light didn't answer, still locked in the depths of his dream. The nurse shook her head.
"He's dreaming. He's fine. Now please, you must leave!" Glaring, L turned to the nurse.
"An earthquake couldn't remove me from his side. What possible chance do you think you have?" he asked before turning back to Light and gently stroking his face.
"Good evening," Doctor Kennedy said cheerfully as he entered the room. "I came to deliver Light's sedatives. I thought you might still be here Ryuzaki." Glancing down at the bed he frowned. "How long has he been like this?"
"I-I'm not sure. At least ten minutes." L said quietly, looking at the doctor before returning his gaze to Light. He looked at him in concern.
"I'm pretty sure this is the same thing as after his surgery. I'm going to attempt to wake him, Would you please step outside for a moment Ryuzaki? I will call you back in once he's conscious. It will only be a couple of minutes," Doctor Kennedy asked gently. A little nervously, L nodded, standing and leaving the room. He stood against the wall beside the door. He was worried as for his lover, for his best and only friend.
About ten minutes later Doctor Kennedy emerged looking concerned.
"We were successful in waking him but there is a problem, he has become very agitated and flinches when either myself or nurse Penny goes near him. He also is refusing to meet out gaze or speak," The doctor said worriedly. L looked at the doctor, his eyes wide with worry. He pushed past him and into the room, slowing down when he got there. He looked at the male and advanced slowly.
"What is it Light?" He asked quietly, "What's wrong?" Light's eyes widened and shuffled back on the bed and away from L, trembling. L stopped, pulling away and looking at Light in shock. "Light..." he said quietly, "Talk to me..." He said quietly. "I want to be here for you."
Light shook his head hard, barely blinking.
"Can I come closer?" L asked quietly, reaching a hand out but not making any move towards the other. "I won't hurt you." His voice was kept quiet, reassuring and loving. Light tried to move back, but he didn't have the energy to go very far even working on adrenaline… on fear.
Tearing of fabric.
Pain.
"L stop!"
"L-Light..." L nodded and dropped his hand. He took a few steps back before sitting on a chair in the corner of the room away from Light. Light calmed down slightly as L moved away and curled up into a ball similar to L.
Fear.
'please stop'
L forcing him onto the bed, ripping him open.
His defences useless.
"I can figure out what happened," L said quietly. "You remembered, didn't you?" Light just curled in on himself tighter covering his ears with his hands. Nodding, L shut his mouth and stayed silent. He'd let Light know that he wasn't going to say anything until Light wanted him to.
Surrender.
Just a distraction.
Just a toy.
Light didn't speak; he just stayed silent and didn't even look at L. L sighed softly, and after a long while, he shifted slightly and forced himself to relax on the chair.
"I'm not going to hurt you, or do anything you don't want me to." If L was hoping for an answer he would be disappointed as Light just stayed quiet, staring off into space. After a few more hours, L found himself falling asleep, his stomach rumbling for the pizza that was close to Light. The nurse walked over and grabbed the pizza and brought it to L. She had stayed in the room to monitor Light's behaviour.
"You're probably hungry." L shook his head.
"I couldn't eat now..." he said quietly, shaking his head.
"Look, he obviously has a lot on his mind right now, the last thing he needs is to be worried about you," The nurse said furiously.
"You don't understand. If I eat now, it won't stay down." L smiled softly at her. "Thank you for your concern, and I promise that I will eat as soon as my stomach permits it."
"Ok," The nurse said grudgingly.
Smiling softly L nodded before looking back at Light and leaned against the chair. He sighed softly and closed his eyes.
The next day Light was still not speaking and barely eating. His mind fixed on one thing and one thing only.
L retuned to the room, having been summoned by the doctor. He stood by the door and looked at Light. "You have to eat," He said quietly. "The doctors said that if you don't eat, and talk to someone, anyone, they'll force an IV in your arm and bring you to a psychiatrist. Please Light..." he said quietly. "I know what I did was bad, I know what you did with the notebook was wrong, but please, you have to cooperate."
He ate then, but nothing else. Sighing softly, L nodded. "Are you going to talk to me?" He asked quietly, looking at the floor.
Silence. He was still curled up.
L sighed and nodded. "Alright. But I'm staying until I'm sure you're alright," He said softly, "Unless you want me to go, and then you have to tell me."
And so another day passed in silence.
Obviously, Light didn't want L to leave, but this was driving L crazy. Still, he stayed there, waiting for Light to speak, waiting for him to acknowledge him in some way. He never moved closer to the bed, and he spent most of his time in the chair. Every so often, he had to leave to go to the bathroom, and one of the nurses would force him to the canteen (with help from three orderlies). But aside from that, he was always there.
Days past and soon it was the day for Lights release. He had been growing stronger and even getting up to go to the bathroom, but L may as well not have been there for Light never said a word or even looked at him. That wasn't to say that he had stopped speaking completely, but it was only one or two words at most to the doctor or nurse checking in on his progress. Watari turned up at twelve o'clock to pick them up; bringing Light's mum to sign Light out, who was still trying to adjust to her son's withdrawal.
L was becoming more and more depressed, withdrawing in a similar way to Light. But at least he was still talking. He wasn't eating any more, he point blank refused, and he had lost five kg's in three days. He was now at 44kg's. When Watari came, L sat in the back of the car, just looking out the window, waiting for the others.
The drive back was quiet and when they got back to the hotel Light immediately headed to the bathroom connected to the room he shared with L, murmuring something about having a sleep; no one noticing the small bottle of pills he had taken with him. Slipping into the bedroom Light dropped his ring on his bed and walked into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind him and opened the bottle.
Eep! Cliffhanger. Umm, well this story isn't over and won't be over in the next chapter or even the one after that, but I couldn't resist ending the chapter with this. Please review and let me know what you think. Oh and no one guessed where Doctor Kennedy came from. I doubt anyone would be able to guess it anyway, so it would be good to be proven wrong.