I wake up before him.

And I feel whole for the first time in months.

You see, we're spooning. I'm holding him in my arms, his hands in mine, my morning glory resting against the end of his spine. Somehow, in the middle of the night our bodies found their way together in the position that I remember longing for back before we got together properly.

God, I've missed this. How did I manage to lose sight of this?

I close my eyes and decide to stay like that, whether I fall asleep again or not.

I want him to realise this as well.

That's when he speaks.

"I know you're awake, Craig."

I feel the tension rising in my body – the need to let go – but I don't. There must be a reason why he didn't leave my arms before I woke up.

"So?" Is all I manage.

He giggles, "Nothing really. I just woke up a few minutes ago and didn't want to wake you up so decided not to move."

"You sure that's the only reason?" I get my courage back. I'm not gonna lose this golden opportunity to point out to him that he wants me as much as I want him.

Obviously without telling him directly!

He doesn't reply. He doesn't deny it either! Instead he starts talking about our plans to go hiking.

I decide not to press the matter and join in discussing our plans for the day.

I'm happy.

We're still spooning, you see!

I've always loved watching John Paul eating, especially a full English breakfast. That boy sure has an appetite in the morning. Nothing like me who has to force myself to eat at this time of day. Especially today, as we're going for a hike. I know it's no Kilimanjaro, but it's still a reasonable climb and you wouldn't want to do it on an empty stomach.

We finally managed to get ourselves out of bed and get ready to go out. John Paul showed me his very nice brand-new hiking boots, while I only brought my old ones. Have to admit that I'm a bit envious of his new gear, but I can't help wondering… Anyway, he looked perfectly the part when we left our hotel room and headed for the breakfast room.

I ask one of the hotel staff about the best way up the mountain and she tells me that it's not gonna take that long, as long as we stick to the signposted route. She indicates the way from the hotel to where we should start the ascension and we take off.

She's right. It doesn't take long until we see the signs describing which way to go. There's also a clearly marked pathway so I'm not worried that we'll get lost. Before we know it, we're half way up the mountain. And we're not the only ones there.

Some of the girls from the hen party have clearly had the same idea. How they managed to get out of bed, considering their state the previous night, is beyond me, but I don't ask. Still, they're clearly not as fresh as me and John Paul, since it's us who catch up with them. They're still in good spirit and very talkative. One in particular is very flirty towards John Paul.

He just laughs it off, but I still feel the jealousy boil.

I wonder whether he felt any last night when the shoe was on the other foot.

Suddenly I find myself having had enough and I realise that I've snapped at her.

"You're barking up the wrong tree, love!"

What just happened?

I still don't know what came over me.

The only thing that I know is that all of them are now looking at me. John Paul with a shocked expression, yet somehow there's a glint of amusement in his eyes.

I'm left speechless and it's him who takes control of the situation, basically saving my neck.

"Craig's right, Joan … I'm gay."

I feel a relief as he smiles at me.

"And Craig's my ex-boyfriend." He adds. "And the father of my son, I might add."

"Well, clearly the ex-part is not that clear to him," the girl, who I've been reminded is called Joan, points out, "I sense some jealousy there."

The other girls nod in agreement while John Paul just continues to smile at me sweetly. Well, does he have a non-sweet smile, I ask myself.

Whether he does or not his smile calms me down and I decide to lay the cards on the table.

"Yes, we're not together anymore, but that doesn't mean that I still … that I still don't love him and want him back. And I want him and our son to be a family. That's what I want with all my heart. So I'm sorry if I get a bit jealous when other people are trying it on with him, when it's me … when it's me …"

My eyes fill with tears, preventing me from continuing, and before I know what I'm doing, I'm storming off, up the mountain.

Leaving him behind. Again.