The next 43 hours seem to drag and speed by simultaneously, depending on whether fear or hope is presently at the wheel of my thoughts. I go to work but we've no current case, so I trawl through the backlog of paperwork that I accumulated in the busy weeks after Harrison's birthday, the days where I was at work so often LaGuerta suggested I move my bed in to the office. I had to keep busy, stay distracted.
I'm typing up yet another blood sample result when Masuka comes in, he's early for a Friday but then I see he has the samples from the slaughterhouse on his desk so I figure he wants them done before the weekend.
"Hey." I look up from the laptop and smile. Masuka nods to me and unpacks his sample bag onto the work surface. I frown, what's wrong with him?
Four more attempts at conversation fail and I don't know what I've done. This sort of thing bothers me, it always has done. It's not a symptom of my new state of mind, people not speaking to me usually means I have done something I shouldn't. A dangerous situation for a predator trying to blend in. I look up and see Angel making coffee in the small kitchen area.
"Coffee, Vince?" Masuka barely glances up from the microscope. He grunts and shakes his head. I raise my eyebrows and scoot the chair back. I grab my phone, I'm not going anywhere without it these days, push it into my pocket and make for friendlier waters.
"Hi Angel." To my relief Angel looks up from where he is pouring and gives me a big smile. Reprieve floods me; at least I haven't managed to get the entire team pissed at me for some unknown reason.
"Hey Dexter, coffee?" he waves the pot and I nod.
"Thanks, I need it." He frowns questioningly. "Masuka," I explain looking over to where the small Asian guy is tutting to himself loudly and banging equipment about. Angel nods slowly as he passes me the cup.
"Ah." he says enigmatically.
"What? What's going on with him? He won't even speak to me." I sip my drink and watch Angel's smile get wider. I start to get suspicious. "What's going on?" I tip my head and look at him. Angel waves us into a corner, out of sight of the rest of the floor.
"Deb told me what you said to Vince. Priceless by the way, just priceless." He kisses his fingers.
"And?" I frown; who knows a glimpse of humour could cause such a stir? Mostly my attempts at comedy go down badly. I remember pushing Astor in the pool. It seems I'm getting worse.
"Well, I couldn't resist, amigo. Masuka mentioned this to me yesterday before the slaughterhouse call. He was telling me he was amazed you'd never said anything to him before, considering you knew his interests in the area." Angel is laughing now. Vince is annoyed that I hadn't broached the subject of my professed deviancy to him before? This is new. I thought deviants kept it quiet.
"He was amazed? Right." I nod, not sure where this conversation is going but Angel doesn't notice, he's too busy laughing.
"Yeah, right. So I just told him I already knew. You should have seen his face. You know, I think he actually thinks that you and I..." He waves his coffee cup between us and wipes a tear from his eye with one hand. He doesn't finish the sentence. I put my hand on Angel's arm.
"Wait. Vince thinks you and I have... shared?" I can feel my incredulous expression but it doesn't even cover it. To realise that Vince would believe this about me, about Angel, makes me wonder why I tried so hard to be normal all that time. People will believe anything. There is no authentic, universal human condition. They're all freaks. We are all freaks, I amend myself and smile.
Angel takes this smile as approval for his joke. I peer round the corner to where Vince is now staring right at the kitchen space. He obviously saw Angel and I disappear into the back. Great. Angel looks too, sees Vince's expression and laughs louder.
"Watch this." He says, still unable to keep a straight face. He walks from the kitchen to his desk. He doesn't look at Vince but as he passes his line of sight he fans himself with his hand, as though the office is very hot. I frown, the air conditioning is blasting, it always is, LaGuerta likes things cool while she works. Then I see Vince's expression and realise how he has interpreted the gesture. I shake my head. They're worse than kids. This is what happens when we haven't got a case on. Not for the first time, I pray for a murder.
By the time Deb gets in around lunch, Vince won't even look at me. I see her glance our way and frown and I try to show her with my expression that I need some help. She starts to come over but Angel intercepts her and he says something and Deb laughs like she's going to cry. I sigh and turn to Vince.
"Look, Vince. I don't know what I've done to upset you but this is really uncomfortable." He doesn't say anything for a moment but then he glances up from the notes he's reading.
"Dex, I thought we were friends and then you drop this... this bombshell on me. Dude." He shakes his head. "I don't know you, man." I sigh, twist my mouth and think to myself that it's just as well I lied to him if this is what self revelation does.
"Vince, there's all sorts of things you're not supposed to know about a person." As I say the words I realise that they are true. "There are things I don't want to know about my friends." He turns to me, eyes accusing behind the round lenses of his glasses.
"So, we're friends then?" I shrug and then realise this is not the right response. I nod hastily and I see his shoulders go down.
"Yeah, of course we are. You were at my wedding, Harrison's birthday, yeah, we're friends." He nods and seems a little mollified. "But I don't ask you about... personal stuff." He blinks.
"But you could if you wanted to, I'd tell you, you know." Yes, he would, that's the problem.
"Ok, right. But I'm a lot more..." Secretive? Deviant? Dangerous?
"Shy than I am?" He finishes for me and I nod gratefully. He nods too, I can see him thinking. "So, I guess I should be happy you told me about the hot threesome at all, huh?" Hot threesome? He's adding his own adjectives here and I really don't want to follow him down that particular path. I nod again. He turns back to his work.
"If you ever want to know anything, dude, or need a wingman..." I shake my head and then just bite my lip. He waggles his eyebrows and I mumble a thanks, which I hope is non committal. Satisfied he goes back to work. I am just relaxing into the silence, just thinking that I dealt with the situation quite well, when his head comes back up.
"So, as we're sharing, when did you get it on with Angel? What's he like?"
I'm worried that Cody and Astor are thinking I am farming them off on various friends and babysitters so I hire a DVD on the way home from work. I scan the shelves realising how little idea I have about what they want to watch. In the end I go for a Harry Potter. I'm not sure which episode of the epic story I am taking but the girl behind the counter assures me that even if they've seen it, they'll watch it again. I get into the SUV feeling pleased with my spontaneity. Maybe we can get Chinese food too? Harrison's travel crib can go into my room until we've finished watching and eating. I really need more room, I think for the twentieth time since the kids arrived.
Sonja walks them all down to the car and I thank her for the week and make arrangements for Monday morning. Cody and Astor only have two more weeks left with me and I want to take some time off work to spend with them.
"Sure Dexter, just let me know when you want them. Bye Harrison, enjoy the weekend with your daddy. Astor thanks for all the help you've been this week, my darling. Cody, don't forget to show Dexter what you made at the museum this afternoon."
The journey back to the apartment is noisy, Astor singing to the CD which she has insisted we play, Harrison shouting wordlessly out of the window at passing dogs, trucks, trees and Cody trying to explain how the robot works which he made out of egg cartons at the museum this afternoon. Even though it's loud and I can't think, it makes me smile.
"So, we're spending the afternoon with Deb tomorrow?" Astor says, breaking from the chorus of the song and turning to me. I nod and glance at her.
"Yeah, is that ok? I just have something to do." She nods.
"I like Deb. She's funny."
"Yeah, and she keeps trying to remember not to curse when we're there, too." Cody chimes in and they giggle. I wince. I can imagine.
"Yeah, well Deb is... expressive." I say and we all laugh, they're growing up so fast.
"So, what are you doing tomorrow afternoon?" asks Astor, looking at me out of the corner of her eye.
"Just meeting a friend." I say keeping my eyes firmly on the road ahead. She nods and I see a little smile play on her lips.
"Good. Good for you, Dex." She says quietly. Even the kids are on to me.
Personally, I can't see why Voldemort doesn't just kill everyone Harry knows and then wait for him to break. Or just use a handsaw instead of a wand. It's what I'd do and I'm not an all powerful wizard but, oh well, I guess it's just a film. The kids seem to like it, Cody getting up and acting out the magical battles and I can see that Astor wants to be Hermione. I look at the screen but it's not this particular story I am contemplating.
My mind is playing over possible scenarios for tomorrow afternoon. Will she be early or will I be there first to worry about if she's going to show up at all? Who will speak first? What the hell am I going to say? In the end I get a beer from the fridge, tell Cody he can't have a taste, and make some more popcorn while they sit, the flickering blue light from the screen playing over their faces. I see the corn fluffing up and changing in the door of the microwave and try not to think about how I am changing too. In a strange way, I imagine Rita would be proud of me now. Looking after the kids, making such an effort with Lumen.
"It's true, Dex." Harry leans against the counter and nods. "You're developing more than I ever imagined. Maybe one day soon there'll be no more Dark Passenger to worry about at all." I frown. Do I want that? The Dark Passenger causes me problems, sure, but I can't imagine life without those desires, that eternal countdown in my head to the next killing. I stop and feel for that countdown, it should be strong; it's been a long time since I hunted. Strangely the sensation is faint and it makes me wonder if my dark lusts were somehow sated by watching Lumen kill. It would be an interesting turn of events.
The microwave beeps and I take the popcorn back to the sofa. An hour later the film ends and Astor pushes Cody to the bathroom while she makes up their beds. I fetch Harrison and she holds him while I bring his crib back into the lounge.
"Night guys." I ruffle Cody's hair and he hugs me around the waist. Astor kisses my cheek.
Oddly enough I sleep well and only the bright sunshine through the blinds and the sound of Harrison crying next door wake me from a dreamless slumber. I hear Astor hushing him and then the sound of her making him his breakfast of porridge. I fold my arms behind my head and try to think.
There's no use trying to plan, I'll have to wing it, play it by ear and hope it doesn't end up like the mess I got into last time I was off the cuff, with Oscar Prado and 'Freebo'. I sigh and roll over. At least I didn't dream about her again, it's as though my brain, knowing it would see her today, gave me a night off. Thanks.
I lie there for another minute before I hear Cody announce he's going to make pancakes. That gets me out of bed; this is not the day to have the apartment burn down.
"Hey troops!" I salute as I come into the kitchen and rescue the frying pan from Cody's hands. He grins at Astor and I realise I have been set up, I grin. "Ok, so that plan worked. Thanks guys. Now, what shapes do you want this morning?" I kiss Harrison who is too young for pancakes; he's helping himself to porridge while Astor feeds him with another spoon.
"Moons." Says Cody instantly, I nod.
"Stars." Astor grins and I realise she has grown out of, and back into, pancake shapes, for some reason this makes me happy.
"Then a constellatory breakfast it shall be." I flourish the pan and in a few minutes we're all around the breakfast bar eating.
"Have you got time this morning to help me with my science project for school, Dex?" Cody asks as he finishes his last mouthful. I'm still chewing so I nod. "I have to write about how the cops use forensics to catch bad guys." I give him the thumbs up, just my field of expertise.
We spend the rest of the morning making fingerprints with sticky tape and scraping 'samples' into jars. By the end of our endeavours Cody has a pretty realistic sample kit set up. I remember one last thing and find him some latex gloves, he grins as I pass them to him.
"Thanks Dex, this is going to blow them away at school!" I grin.
"Just don't leave gunpowder residue on your fingers, so you don't get caught." I laugh and he chuckles.
"Are you getting changed before you go out or are you going to wear that?" Astor indicates my pale blue shirt which is beginning to show the effects of the heat of the morning. I look down.
"I should change?" Am I really asking a teenager for sartorial advice? She looks me over and nods. "What do you suggest?" She frowns and then goes into my room, I hear the closet open. Cody looks at me, eyebrows raised. I'm just hoping she doesn't decide to investigate the trunk. She comes back with a purple polo shirt. I don't think I've ever worn it.
"I like this." She says holding up the hanger against me, Cody comes around and glances an appraising eye over me. He nods.
I have to admit, once I put it on, that it looks ok. I shake my head at the man in the mirror who looks pretty uncomfortable and was just dressed by an adolescent girl.
"You look great," Astor says when I come back into the room. I nod, unsure of what the correct response should be to this comment.
"Awesome," says Cody. I laugh. There's a knock at the door and it's Deb and Quinn.
"Hey guys!" Deb swings Harrison over her head and he giggles. Cody and Astor hug her and then smile at Quinn. He's carrying about four bags.
"What's this?" I ask, pointing. He raises his eyebrows.
"We're going for a picnic on the beach," he says, he sounds thrilled. He turns to Cody. "You got a ball we can kick about?" Cody nods and goes off to rummage in his belongings.
"Ok, so I'll call you when I'm done," I say to Deb and she looks at me seriously. She hands Harrison to me and I kiss him. "Be good for Auntie Deb," I tell him, he gurgles. As they leave, Deb turns to me, she's the last to go; Cody and Astor are helping Quinn with the bags.
"Just be honest Dex. Be that guy I met in the coffee shop at four in the morning." She kisses my cheek and I nod. "Good luck," she says.
I sit in the car outside the marina for a few minutes. The clock on the dash says it's five to one but my watch says it's five past. I don't bother looking at my phone because it's just going to confuse me even more.
"It doesn't matter what the time is, Dex," Harry is looking at his own watch and I wonder briefly what time it says. "Whatever's going to happen is going to happen. Que sera, sera." I raise my eyebrows, is he going to sing? He looks back at me like he doesn't understand why I'm smiling. I shake my head.
"Ok, I'll just go." I grab my phone, check my wallet is in the pocket of my khakis, and get out of the car. It feels like a long walk to the coffee shop door.
She's already there. In the middle seat by the window, where I used to watch her shred those sugar packets. She doesn't look up when I come in but I know from her small smile as she looks down at the table top that she already knew it was me. She looks over as I approach the table and all the ideas I had, all the plans and speeches, go right out of my head as she smiles. Her blonde hair is tied back and it looks a little shorter than before. Her violet t shirt makes the skin on her arms look brown and I notice a snaking line of a scar which disappears under the neckline and emerges at her sleeve. I realise I am clenching my jaw.
"Hi, Dexter," she says, standing up and then sitting down as I slide into the seat opposite her. There's a book on the table in front of her, a small paperback of poetry.
"Hi." Her face is shining in the light reflected from the water outside. Her eyes, so dark that they're almost black, seem to be memorising my face.
"I haven't ordered." She says as a waitress comes over.
"Just a coffee for me," I say and Lumen nods.
"Me too." She smiles at me again. The waitress goes away and no one speaks. We just look at each other.
"When did you get back to Miami?" I ask. I don't know what to say to her, all these scrambled feelings are fighting for air time.
"A couple of weeks ago. I had to come back." Hope makes me light headed for a moment. I bite my lip.
"Was home not right? Your folks?" she frowns.
"No, they were fine. It just wasn't... home." She looks up at me. I nod slowly, I don't know what she's telling me but I know how that feels, when home stops being home. "Dexter..."
"Yes?" She twists her mouth and closes her eyes tightly. Her full bottom lip trembles, its thinner partner tight over her teeth. I can see she's doing some infighting of her own. It's a painful expression and I can't bear to see it on her beautiful face. I sigh, she looks at me. I have to say something. I feel that door opening, glimpse a new life through the crack.
"It doesn't matter why you're here. I'm just glad that you are." I tell her. The waitress puts down our coffee, as she moves her arm away I can see that Lumen is smiling, tears are washing down her face, streaking her cheeks with light. She holds out her hand, palm up, on the table top. I put my own over it and close my fingers around hers.
So they meet at last! How did that work for you? As always, you've been super lovely about reviewing. It's great that we;re getting more Dexter/Lumen fics on here and I really appreciate your support and encouragement. Thanks so much! Thanks to VB for her unstinting deication to commas! Cx