We sit like that, neither of us moving our hands, looking at each other and she wipes her face and smiles like she thinks she's being silly. I smile back and shake my head.
"Thanks for returning the glove," she says and I frown. I don't know what to say now; she must know where I found it?
"I... saw you drop it," I say and she nods quickly.
"Shall we go outside for a walk? We could probably talk better out there," she says and I nod. She pulls her hand away and grabs her purse. I leave money on the table for the coffees and we go.
Her hand bumps into mine as we make our way onto the decking of the marina, she glances at me and touches my fingers, I hold her hand. She smiles down at the floor. We walk for maybe five minutes without anyone speaking. It doesn't bother me, words will only crystallize or break what I am feeling and I am enjoying the moment of uncertainty where I can pretend it's all ok. She tugs my hand back as we reach a place to lean on the railing. We put our elbows on the bar and look out at the sea, doing its best to dazzle us with its jewel like reflections of the sun. Lumen exhales like she's preparing herself for something. It's the noise she made outside of Bryan Daniels' motel room. My stomach clenches. Here it comes.
"Dexter, I need to say something and I don't know what you're going to think but I need to say it all. Is that ok?" I nod, I can't look at her. The water glitters dangerously and I wonder how it would feel to just dive in, escape. She nods to herself, the way I've seen footballers talking to themselves before a big game. "Ok. I was wrong." She bites her lip and I glance sideways, afraid to hear what she has to say.
"I was wrong to leave. I was wrong about the darkness going. I was wrong to leave you." She puts her head in her hands and sighs. I look at the water, unable to move but my brain is rushing through what she just said, I'm still waiting for the catch. "Say something Dexter." It's her words from the morning of Harrison's birthday. I close my eyes. I choose the thing that seems most divorced from how I feel for her.
"The darkness hasn't gone?" She shakes her head, relief spills out of her; I can feel it from here.
"No. I think I was just glad it was over after Chase." She twists her mouth when she says his name. "But then I lay in my bed at my parents' house, the bed I've had since I was a girl, and I realised I am changed. It wasn't my bed anymore and there are more women out there like me and some who will be like me if we don't do what we do." I look at her. She's talking about us as though we are the same thing, the same type of creature. She looks at me and the electricity spins between us. She smiles, her mouth moving up slightly at one corner. She puts her hand tentatively on my cheek. I try not to flinch. Her touch is like fire.
"I made a choice when we started this; you told me it would change me. It did. If I can stop more people getting hurt then I have a duty to do it, because I can. That darkness is in me now. It's mine and I belong to it." Her fingers stroke my cheek. I am standing still, just looking at her. I want this to be real but I'm not sure I can trust my judgement.
"I saw you with Daniels." I don't know why I say it, it isn't the first thing I'm thinking, but it just comes out. She looks at me, her expression worried, maybe even frightened. She nods, bites her lip.
"I think I knew you were there before I saw the glove and the note. I could tell... somehow." She looks at her feet, it's as though she's worried about how I will react to what she's done. The situation strikes me as faintly ridiculous and terrifying. I can almost feel the weight of a new life pressing down on us from the universe. She looks back up at me; her expression is open and questioning. "What did you think?" Is she asking my opinion of her kill? I smile despite myself.
"Good. You were good." She smiles and I laugh. She chuckles and soon we are both laughing, this feels better. She grabs my hand again.
"Really? God, when I realised you'd seen me I thought you'd be so annoyed with me for not knowing you were there. It's the first rule isn't it? Don't get caught." She quotes the Code to me, Harry's Code, my Code. I shake my head in wonder and she frowns. "Were you angry?"
"No, I didn't know you were there when I went to Daniels' motel room earlier that day. I don't know why, usually I'd know right away but, I didn't. So, no, I'm not angry. It's not my business."
"It's not?" She looks away, blinking. I realise I have said the wrong thing. I frown, is how she kills, if she gets caught, my business? I want it to be. I say it; just put my thoughts into words without considering the consequences.
"I want it to be my business." We stand there and I don't know who is more surprised. What just happened?
"So do I." She reaches up her hand again and, this time, I press it against my cheek. I bend my head and put my forehead against hers. She kisses me softly. It's the best feeling I've ever had, the sharpest.
We breathe each other's air for a moment. Suddenly I can feel the heat of the sun; it is actually warming my skin. She pulls away.
"Were you... outside the bathroom... after..?" She looks right at me. I nod. "Sorry." She says quietly. Sorry? What is she sorry for? I don't get it. Considering the success of my last comment I try the new tactic again. Just say what you think, Dex.
"What are you sorry for?" She looks at the floor; I can see her face flush.
"I... I couldn't help it. It just... makes me think about you, want you. Oh god. How embarrassing." She closes her eyes, scuffs her foot on the floor and puts her hand in her pocket.
"It makes me want you, too. And I've done nothing but think about you, even when I didn't want to. It's been...distracting." I shake my head and she laughs. I laugh too. Something occurs to me. "It's what happened at the club. I was thinking about you, I realised too late that I can't just put someone else in your place. It doesn't work if I kiss someone else. I'm sorry."
"You didn't know I was coming back," she says, understanding me completely. This is so easy, what was I worried about? This woman knows me. I nod.
"Were you following me?" I ask her, watching her face even though I already trust her, old habits die hard. She nods, then shakes her head. It's such a familiar gesture, something I do all the time, that I smile.
"Yes, kind of. At first I wanted to talk to you, explain things. I hoped I could make it right with you, go back to how we were but then..." She pushes a stray hair out of her face and sighs. "Then it looked like you were just getting along without me. I wasn't sure if you even cared that I'd gone. Why would you? I was such a fucking idiot." She sighs and I put out my hand and touch her shoulder. She looks up at me.
"And then I realised you were following me too. Dexter, I was so scared. I fit the Code too now, don't I?" She looks up at me and her eyes are wet. Slowly the meaning of her words sinks in to my brain. She thought I was hunting her.
"I thought the same thing." Her head goes up sharply, her eyes search my face. I nod. "I did. I wondered if I was next. If you'd decided I was too much of a monster to leave alive." She shakes her head, saying nothing, her mouth open.
"No," she whispers it and she sounds horrified. "God, no. No, Dexter." She puts her arms out and I step into them. I hold her and she holds me just as tightly. I can feel her heart beating against my chest. My blood is rushing in my veins. There are still questions I need to ask.
"How did you find out about Daniels?" I ask. She pulls back and looks up at me.
"I met his daughter, at a survivors' meeting." Of course, Lumen is not going to try to deal with all this on her own. It took me years to try to get help, it's taken her months. "She told me about her father, that he was coming to town, she even mentioned where he was staying. Her mother had phoned to warn her, her mother! That woman hadn't helped Jessica at all. She was so scared, Dexter. So scared and then she stopped coming to the meetings. So I went to her apartment. I got the landlady to let me in. I knew he'd got her." Her tenacity, her precision, is amazing.
"How did you find out about the other girls?" This has been bothering me, how did she find two more victims? She looks guilty. I lift her chin with my fingers.
"Peter. My neighbour." I nod and something inside, the part of me Angel likes to call my 'Spidey Sense' is tingling. "He's a courier. I went with him one day when he was dropping something off at the station, samples, lab results. I thought if I saw you there I could speak to you, that we'd be in public so you wouldn't be able to be too angry." I sigh, I don't like the way that this has made her feel, how worried she has been.
"Peter knows I work there?" she nods.
"I haven't told him what you do. I just mentioned you worked down there and I wanted to come and see you. I pretended you weren't there. Anyway, while I was waiting for him I heard some cops talking about two more missing girls. Then I saw the others in the paper." So, Miami's finest missed the point again. Two missing children, one missing woman and four murders and no one pieced them together, no one except Lumen.
A mother with some small children parks a buggy by us and I tug Lumen's hand and we start to walk again.
"Then, when I checked his apartment I saw the pictures. It was what I needed to prove he deserved it. I was following the Code."
"Good work. Thorough research." She grins. "You nearly got caught out with your disposal though." I look sideways at her and she gasps. Her hand goes to her throat.
"Really? How?" I tell her about my visit to the slaughterhouse. I watch her face grow pale and then see her breathing with relief when I tell her what the worker found. She shakes her head.
"Another reason I need you." she squeezes my hand. I grin. "I need more training."
"Serial Killing 101." I smile and she laughs.
"It's not the only reason, you know." She stops me and kisses me again. I feel light-headed, delirious. Her soft mouth opens under my lips and I push my tongue forward. Energy zips between us as I taste Lumen, smell her perfume. She moans slightly and I pull her to me. We kiss slowly until I realise people are starting to notice. She giggles and pulls away.
She breathes out a big sigh and shakes her head.
"What?" she looks up at me as I question her.
"Nothing. It's just that... everything feels alright now. It's not felt alright for so long." I know what she means. I nod. "How's Harrison? Cody, Astor?"
"Good, they're with Deb right now."
"Does she know you're meeting me?" Lumen sounds amused; her head is on one side. I nod and watch Lumen's eyes go wide. "You told her?"
"Some. I told her I thought you were back. She told me to find you. I'm glad I listened." She squeezes my hand.
"I'm glad too."
We've walked around ourselves and back to the parking lot where the SUV is sitting, baking in the heat. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now. I don't want to presume anything.
"Can we sit in the car? There are some things I want to talk to you about that..." She looks about her and I nod. I know what she means, some things are not meant to be overheard.
We climb into the car, she is back in the seat where I have been imagining her. She flicks her leg under her and sits sideways, looking at me.
"How much did you see of Daniels?" Her eyes are alight; I can see the memory of it in her dark pupils.
"Most of it. I didn't have a good angle."
"I used the knife you bought me, for the blood slide." I nod, she's so excited.
"Where did you get the slides from? Where are you keeping them?" She laughs.
"I got the slides from an internet company. I had to make an account and transfer money across." I nod and raise an eyebrow. She's thought about this. "And I'm keeping them in a box where I keep my tampons." I look at her, my expression saying this is not what I expected. Then I start to laugh, she laughs too and soon I can hardly breathe.
"Well, I figured it's the last place anyone would be looking by accident." She says, still smiling. I nod. She sits forward, her hands on my thigh. Her breathing is pronounced and sharp. "I've been dying to talk to you about it!" she says, realising her words and grinning.
"About Daniels?" she nods and sits back.
"It's not the same without you there. Well, you were there but we didn't talk. I've been remembering things and I wanted so much to talk them through with you. Is this ok?" I can't believe this, we're sharing kill notes. It's like someone read my darkest wishes and made them happen. Ever since I found out about Rudy, I've wanted to talk to someone about this intensity, this intimacy I find in death. I nod.
"I couldn't get the pieces small enough to carry at first. You must work out." I think back to the first garbage bag and how she struggled.
"I do, but next time I can carry them. Bigger pieces make it quicker to clear up." She puts her hand out again, holds my hand and I realise I have presumed we will do this together next time.
"Ok, thanks. It makes sense to work to our strengths." She's so businesslike, it's amazing. "And, if I was doing this myself, then I'd have to think about the size of my... clients." She grins. I nod and tell her about Little Chino, she listens to the story, gasping in the right places and laughing at the end.
"Wow," she breathes. "That must have been amazing. I wish I'd been there." I smile, this is so surreal. She looks at me suddenly, her gaze dark. I frown.
"Did you see him when I put the knife in? Did you hear the sound he made?" Her breathing is hitched and I watch the blood pulse in her throat. I try not to think about how that soft skin, puckered by the scar which slices across her shoulder, will feel under my lips. I nod, I can't say anything. I can feel my heart beating. She closes her eyes and her expression is sensual.
"God, Dexter," she breathes the words and they ignite my body, reminding me of how she sounded in the bathroom of the motel room. She opens her eyes. "That feeling, the feeling, when I push the knife down and I watch him...go. I end their influence on the world, rub them out of existence. It's just..." she closes her eyes again and takes a shuddering breath. I know just what she means. That power, that energy, which seems to rush over me as I take a life. The calm, the still which follows it. I see the intoxication on her face.
I put out my hands and grab her shoulders, she puts her hands out and takes hold of my forearms. Her willingness to come to me is exciting, encouraging. I pull her over the seat and onto my lap, scooting my chair back as I settle her on my knee. She is still in her trance, the memory of the kill still showing on her face. I kiss her hard and she pulls at my hair with her hands. Her tongue brushes along my lower lip. The energy runs through us both, this shared experience taking us higher. Her weight on my thighs is burning into me, she leans her elbows on my shoulders and crushes me to her chest. I breathe her in. She laughs shakily and pulls back.
"Oh god, it just..." She shivers again and smiles. I nod, biting my lip. "It does that for you too?" I nod.
"Yes, I just hadn't... pieced it together until I met you. The first time I saw you do it, how you climbed on the table..." I close my eyes and try to breathe. We're in a public parking lot, I remind myself. She laughs softly and kisses me again.
"Just think how good it'll be next time. When we're both there." She murmurs, as she kisses my ear. I fight the pressure to do something inappropriate to our surroundings.
She lays her cheek against my chest and I know she's listening to my crazy heartbeat. I kiss the top of her head. Everything feels better. I catch a glimpse of the clock on the dash. It's four o'clock.
"Lumen, are you busy tonight?" I feel her smile against my t shirt. She sits back up and shakes her head. "Do you want to come with me to collect the kids?" We look at each other. We both know this takes us to another stage of things, as if we need another stage. She nods.
"I'd love to," she moves from my lap, kissing me lightly. I push back my seat and start the engine. We drive in silence to the beach, both of smiling in the bright sunshine. Mr and Mrs. Monster.
So, finally they have a talk. How did it go? thanks for your reviews so far, it really makes my day when you're so enthusiastic and kind!
Thank you VB for betaing and making me think about how I write! Cx