It's been a great night. We've met some nice guys, had a real laugh. I've missed this. Even the drag act turned out to be brilliant. Always expected it to be weird watching a man in a frock lip-synching to some gay classics, but no, in fact this one really did all the singing 'her'self and was very funny, especially [I]Chubby Back[/I], her own version of the Justin Timberlake song.
I've just finished in the bathroom, on my way to the bar. It's my round again. I look in his direction and then I see it.
He's swapping numbers with Adam, the birthday boy. The pang in my stomach jolts me awake and I feel like I'm sobering up. I'm not ready for this, to see him move on. From me.
I stand there watching him for what feels like an eternity, until he notices me and nods in my direction, smiling. I sign to him that I have to get the drinks and go over to the bar.
We've gone over to beer again and I bring the pints to where he's standing. He eagerly accepts his drink and takes a sip before continuing his conversation with Adam. I remain quiet as I observe him.
He's so beautiful. Even more so than back at school when we met for the first time. Growing up suits him. There are some lines around his eyes that weren't there a few years ago. His lips are just as kissable as ever and I feel the urge to lunge for them.
I don't, however.
Instead I drink my drink in silence, not really enjoying it. I keep smiling, though. Wouldn't want to show him that I'm jealous. After all, it's not like we're back together. He's a free agent. That fact doesn't help, though.
"How about it? You wanna go?" I become aware that he's trying to get my attention. "Hey, what are you like? I was asking whether you'd want to join Adam and his friend, Neal, at a special bank holiday club night on Sunday." He explains.
"Yeah, that would be great." I manage to respond. "If we get someone to mind Matthew. [I]Our son[/I], remember him." I try not to sound as bitter as I feel.
"Don't worry about that, I'm sure we'll manage to get someone." He laughs and seems to have mistaken my words for a joke.
[I]There's no laughter in my heart.[/I]
The bank holiday weekend was good, I guess.
We had a wonderful time with Matthew, the weather was brilliant and we hung out in the park every day. Lots of laughter, but somehow my sadness never seemed to disappear. It's dawning on me that despite Matthew, we're moving away from one another. And it's all my fault. How did I not see what we had in time.
Sunday night didn't help either.
The music was fantastic, but there he was, dancing and flirting with Adam, most of the night. He did try to drag me to the dance floor once in a while, but I didn't feel like it. In the end he succeeded, though, and I almost managed to feel better. I guess it's true what they say about dancing your troubles away.
The following week was a nightmare. I was snappy everywhere, both at home and at work, and mum finally lost it on the Saturday and told me to get over myself, that other people had problems too. I stormed off and didn't cool down until I'd downed three pints of lager in the Dog.
This week was almost identical. Okay, I managed to control my temper and was hopefully not as difficult to be around, but the feeling of loss has just increased, if anything. I've seen him a few times because of Matthew, of course, but apart from that I've mostly tried to stay clear off him. I don't know how to behave, what to say to him. I can't believe that he's moving on. It's killing me.
I'm on my way to the Dog to meet Nancy. I rang her earlier and asked her to meet up, told her I needed advice. As I turn the corner I see him standing outside the pub. And he's not alone.
No, he's there with Adam.
Everything around me disappears as I watch their interaction, as if in slow motion. I remain frozen as they laugh and give each other a hug. Then Adam turns and walks away, in my direction. That's when he notices me standing there. He smiles and raises his hand to greet me across the pond. Then his smile disappears, overtaken by a look of worry and disbelief. I turn to run back, finally realising that tears are streaming down my face.
I hear him calling my name as I start running.
[I]"John Paul! John Paul!"[/I]
"John Paul, oy!"
He's caught up with me were I've sought shelter from the world, in the small alleyway.
"Oy, what's gotten into you?" He approaches me and grabs my shoulders, tenderly. "Why did you run off?"
I turn away from him, forcing myself free from his hands. "Craig, just leave it!"
He grabs me again and turns me to face him. He then takes my head into his hands. "Look at me! Look at me! What happened, John Paul? What's wrong?"
"Nothing happened. Nothing. I just realised that I'd forgotten something at home." I try, but he's not accepting this marvellous explanation.
"Tell me, John Paul!"
I realise there's no escape.
"I saw you with Adam." I state quietly.
"Yeah, he came round the pub for a drink." He explains matter-of-factly. "That's all?" He asks before realising. "That's why you've been off with me lately? Cause of him?"
"I haven't been off with [I]you[/I]!" I reply. "Just myself." The last two words are almost inaudible.
"What?" He asks in disbelief or confusion – I don't really know which. "Why? You're jealous? Of him?"
"You used to fance… you used to love me!" I stutter through the tears, my voice breaking halfway through the sentence. "When did you stop?"
"What?" He asks again, clearly in disbelief this time around.
"When did you get over me?" I continue. "How can you just give up, make yourself stop loving someone? I mean, you said you loved [I]me[/I]! You've told me so over and over since you've been back. And after everything you said in Wales, a couple of weeks later, you've just started seeing someone else. A guy as well, after everything you've said about not being gay. How could you?" I feel anger taking over, stopping the flow of tears.
"Seeing someone else? What do you mean?" Craig asks back before clarifying the situation. "I'm not seeing anyone else. I've meant every word I've said to you since I've been back."
"What about Adam?" I ask in confusion.
"What about him?" He asks back. "You think we're … what? He's a nice enough guy, but I'm not interested in him. He's just a mate. It's not like I have that many of them, you know." He jokingly states, before the shock of the revelation hits him. "You mean? John Paul, you mean what I think you mean? Are you sure?" It's now his turn to start bawling. "You don't want me to be with him? With anyone else? You still love me? Am I right? Tell me I'm right!" He pleads.
"Craig, I do. You're right." I whisper, smiling shyly at him. "I only wanna be with you! Only you! And I don't want you to be with anyone else but me!"
He takes my face in his hands and gives me the most gorgeous smile I've ever seen before kissing me on the lips. I feel every ounce of fear, anger and sadness leave my body as pure ecstasy takes over my entire being and I wrap my arms around him. Everything's finally right in the world
[I]again[/I]!
The End
That was it, I hope you guys are happy with the last part and that it worked with changing the point of view like this (and it goes for the entire part 13 - it's JP's POV). Thanks for reading and commenting!