Chapter 4: Confused

"Ugh, why is it so bright?" I hated waking up to begin with, and waking up with a hangover only made things that much worse.

"Morning sunshine"

I jumped a little, not remembering where exactly I was. I relaxed remembering the events of the night before. Oh no…I must have made the biggest fool of myself. What did I say? What did I do?

"Good morning" I said, covering my face. "I'm so sorry about last night, I don't know what I said. Please tell me I wasn't that bad"

Sebastian was leaning against his doorframe, arms crossed and a smile on his lips. "No, not at all." So much sarcasm behind his words that I felt like I could literally taste it. "How much do you remember?"

"Being pushed into the pool, drinking, and…"

"Don't worry, it wasn't that bad" Sebastian remembered last night very clearly. He was actually really glad that that Blaine didn't remember anything. If he did, that would be pretty bad for his Bad Boy image.

"I'm so sorry.."

"Blaine, it's totally fine. I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" I asked

"Don't worry, it'll only be a minute!" He yelled from downstairs.

I felt like crap. My head wass pounding; I don't want to do anything today. Wait. How did I get to bed? Did we…oh my god, did we…

"Here you go!" Sebastian said with the widest smile I have ever seen on his face. I jumped a little lost in my train of thought, not hearing him come in.

"I figured you would be pretty hung over, and being an expert at this, I figured I would help you out." Sebastian wasn't making eye contact, and was actually blushing looking down at a tray that he brought up filled with food. He clearly didn't have any experience when it came to being kind, but it was the most adorable thing I had ever seen.

"Sebastian…Thank you so much, that's so..that's so sweet of you." I said as I sat up in bed. I didn't even know what to say. No one, not even Kurt had ever done something so nice for him. Sebastian definitely had a side that made Blaine love him more and more. Love?

"There's plenty on here for the both of us, I hope you didn't make it just for me!" I said, taking the tray from him.

"I hope you like it…I've been up for a while trying to figure out how to make this. Google was really confusing, and our maid was given the day off so I couldn't have her make it. It probably tastes like crap." he said scratching his head. "Actually, I'm just going to throw this out and order something" he said trying to take the tray from me.

"No! There's no reason for that, I'm sure it tastes delicious! Come sit, lets eat." Rubbing my hands together looking down at the huge amounts of food I was so ready to devour.

Sebastian made his way over to the bed, "I'm not sure what you like, so I made eggs, pancakes, hash browns, toast, sausage, bacon, and a fruit salad. All we had to drink orange juice, so I hope that's okay." Sebastian was so nervous it was hard for Blaine not to laugh.

"Well, you know I would like the sausage" I said in between laughs, "Bas, please, relax, it looks amazing" I was surprised just how good the food was. The silence wasn't uncomfortable; it was soothing actually. It was nice just sitting here with Sebastian, enjoying each others presence.

"Bas! This was amazing. Thank you! I'm so full." I groaned as I rested my head on his headboard. "Honestly, besides the worst headache ever, it was the perfect morning."

"You sure?"

"Yes! Definitely. You have a habit of getting me drunk by the way"

"What can I say, It's quite a show." He said smiling. I could feel my cheeks warming up. I concentrated on the food probably more than I should have, anticipating what I was about to ask.

" uh…did we, d-did we do anything? I mean, I can't remember much...I sort of remember some things, but I don't even remember how I got to bed."

"Don't worry. I wouldn't do that to you,"Sebastian said, smiling, but not looking at me.To me. He wouldn't do that to me. "And I carried you to bed. After a couple of songs that were completely incoherent, I figured it was time to call it quits."

"Again. I'm sorry" I couldn't even look into his eyes. How much of an idiot had I been?!

"Again. No problem. So…I'm not sure when you want me to take you home or if you want to do anything." Why wouldn't he look at me?

"I was actually hoping that we could hangout. I honestly don't feel like doing much. I have a feeling today is going to be a long, rough day. If you'd have me, I wouldn't mind spending the day with you"

"Yeah that sounds good to me"

"Is everything okay? You haven't looked at me at all." I asked, playfully nudging fidgeted where he was sitting on the bed.

"I'm going to be honest with you Blaine. Last night, you wanted to…well, do stuff, and I wanted to as well, but you were beyond wasted and I didn't want you to wake up and regret things." He grabbed my hand before he began speaking again. It felt as though he needed support with what he wanted to say.

"When I'm with you, it feels different. I've been with plenty of guys…but with them, I would never let the stay the night, and if they did, I definitely wouldn't make them breakfast. I don't even like spending time with them after having sex. But with you, I felt the need to care for you, to make you feel better. and we didn't even have sex...I guess what I'm trying to get at is that, I really don't know why I'm doing this" Sebastian was spilling his heart to me, but he was hesitating. What was he holding back? What did he mean by the fact that he doesn't know why he's doing this?

"I mean, I know that you're special to me, I just don't think I've ever felt like this for anybody. And I don't know how to explain or describe what I'm feeling." after a long pause, Sebastian just closed his eyes. "

I don't even know what I'm saying right now." Sebastian looked drained, almost defeated, as if his explanation took a toll on him. He let go of my hand and tilted his head away from me.

I moved my hand so that I could hold his. His initial reaction was to flinch back from my touch, but he didn't hesitate after I held his hands firmly.

"Bas, I…I, we just became friends again, and I know that what we're feeling is strange for you, it is for me too." I said scratching my head. "But I just broke up with Kurt, and...a-and I don't know what I want right now. Of course, I'm happy that we are so close, and I'm really pleased with how comfortable I am with you. Let's give it time and see where it leads us."

"I just don't want to let you down. I've never been in a relationship," was he implying that he wants a relationship with me? "And I don't know how this all works. I'm used to sex and that's it. And I know that isn't you, you want love, you want stability, you want your Prince Charming. As much as I wish I could fill those shoes, I don't know if I can. And you deserve someone who will be all those things for you."

Is this why Sebastian wouldn't look at me, because he wasn't sure how to express himself? It was cute. He was making an effort. More than anything I could have expected from him.

"How about for now, we just enjoy our time together, and little by little, we can..explore other options?"

"If you say so" Sebastian looked defeated. It was as if talking about feelings and emotions literally wore Sebastian out.

"So what do you want to do today?" I asked.

"I actually think you should go home." Sebastian said. That kind of threw me back, and to be honest it felt like a knife was just stabbed through my chest. He let go of my hand and got off the bed.

"What, why?" I hope my voice wasn't shaking as much as I felt it was. Sebastian was literally a whirlwind of emotion. Right now, he looked somber. He looked upset.

"It's just that I had plans today, and I don't think I can cancel. Plus I want to meet with the Warblers and practice as much as possible" Sebastian reasoned, hoping that it would sufficiently satisfy Blaine's need for a reason.

"Oh, yeah that's…that's understandable."But you already said you wanted to spend the day with me?

"Yeah. Let me know when you're ready so I can drop you off"

"No, it's okay. I'll just call Sam or Tina to pick me up." I said, defeated and completely dumbfounded. I don't understand what caused this sudden change in him.

"What, no you don't have to, I can do it and it's really no big deal"

"No. It's fine I swear" I faked a smile, hoping that he wouldn't see how confused and torn I really was.

I quickly got up and started gathering my stuff when Sebastian grabbed my arm, "Blaine…" he still wouldn't look me in the eyes. "Sebastian, its okay."

He let go of my arm and opened his closet, "I'll be right back, I'm going to go shower." When he had taken some clothes out, Sebastian walked out of the room. I didn't even have a chance to say "Okay" or anything before he was gone.

I quickly grabbed my phone, and texted Sam.

Sam, could you please come pick me up…I'm at Sebastian's house. I'll explain things later, I just need to leave here ASAP. –Blaine

Sure dude, I'm actually at the Lima Bean with Tina so I will be there in like 30 minutes. Is everything okay? –Sam

Sam and Tina arrived a little while later. Sebastian wasn't out of the shower yet, probably taking his time in order to avoid me. I left leaving a note that said, "I'll see you around" When I got into the car, Sam and Tina both turned around to stare at me.

"What?" I asked, probably with more attitude than was necessary.

"Care to explain why you look like you're ready to kill someone and have us pick you up with no explanation at Sebastian Smythes house of all places? Please tell me you…" Tina started.

"NO! I DIDN'T! Damnit, why does everybody just assume that I came over to sleep with him? He's my friend. I'm sure Sam sleeps over his friend's house and its not big deal? Is it because I'm gay that I can't sleep over a guy's house with there being sex? Or is it because Bas is the town whore?" Did that really just leave my mouth? I can't believe I was being so rude to my closest friends. He's not a whore.

"Sorry…I'm just tired, hungover, and confused" I sighed and was ready for what they were going to throw my way.

"Confused about what?" Sam asked as he got onto the main road.

"Just life in general." I replied, really not wanting to get into much detail.

"Dude, you're my bro, that's what Bros are for. Whether you're straight, gay, or bi, I don't care. We can talk about anything" Sam said.

"Yeah Blaine, we're you friends. Isn't that what we're here for, for you to talk to? To tell everything to?" Tina said.

"I'm just…I just hate when people are kind, and then out of nowhere they become cold and distant towards you. It doesn't make sense. Especially when two seconds ago their telling you that they might like you, and then they tell you to leave? What kind of crap is that? That's not fair to me. Especially when he knows I'm sensitive after my break up with Kurt. Who does he think he is? Sure, he has an incredible body and he's actually really sweet and caring, but that doesn't justify his asshole, douchebag ways, you know?" I was hoping that they wouldn't catch that I was talking about Sebastian. But I figured I gave it away when I started saying 'he'. or maybe when I called him an asshole or a douche bag?

"Actually no, I didn't even know that you two were this close, how long have you been talking?" Sam asked

"…2 days…" I replied

"Oh my god, are you serious? Blaine, it's been 2 days, how is that you can already love him?" Tina argued.

"I never said I loved him, I just said that he shouldn't toy with my emotions simply because he doesn't have any." I was so heated. I knew it wasn't fair to him, I've seen a side of him that I'm sure no one has ever seen before, but it's how I felt. I knew I would regret saying these things.

"Blaine, you know how Sebastian is, he's a slut. He sleeps with people, and then he throws you away. We don't want that for you, I think you should cut your ties early and not have a repeat of last year. We don't want to see you get hurt."

"Tina, he's not a slut. He's really kind, he's sweet, and he took care of me after making a fool of myself last night. He even made me breakfast in hopes of curing my hangover."

"Bro, honestly you sound bipolar right now. No offense." I just rolled my eyes, not wanting to argue with Sam "You talk crap about him one second, and defend him when we talk crap. You need to decide whether or not he's worth you investing your heart." Sam said.

He is, I swear he is. He likes me. He cares about me. He's trying for me.

He was trying, I know he is. Was there really anything else I could ask of him?