A/N: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
Whoever is still reading this, I'm deadly sorry, no joke. I can't remember how long since I've written in this, and I'm so freaking sorry about not updating or writing or anything. Everything has just been really messy in my life, and, there have been hospital visits, boyfriend troubles, family fighting, family hate, and all around drama. As well as some summer homework.
If you have listened to all my excuses, here. Have some chapter related stuff. And, also some writing. I know! It's been unheard of for months now! But it's there!
Well, this chapter is set a month or two after the last one, a month into school. It's also in our poor Maddie's POV. Later in the chapter, it will go to David's (Ecuador's) POV, so don't be discouraged.
And I forgot a couple warnings in the first chapter: Blood, lots of it, and references to SI (Self injuring for the people that don't know), as well as graphic descriptions of the SI process in later chapters.
Well, this will be a long chapter to make up for the months lost. Enjoy!
I tugged my hoodie over my head and yawned again. Six in the morning. Not exactly enjoyable to say the least. I rubbed my face and looked into the mirror. I looked like crap, as usual. I hobbled over to the mirror and brushed my hair. It never got too tangled, strangely enough. I shrugged and tied it back. I stuck the triangle barrettes in my hair and sighed. I felt Kumajiro nuzzle my leg and looked down at him. He wasn't too hot, but he still needed to have his medication.
I placed him on my desk and rummaged past my meds and found the yellow liquid that I knew was his. I opened his mouth and poured the liquid in. He was still tired, so he didn't care. I placed him on my bed before moving to the door and stumbling down the stairs. I looked into Mom's room and saw she wasn't there. It wasn't something I was expecting as I walked to the kitchen. Al was laying face-first on the table.
I chuckled and stroked his hair. He instantly jumped off the table and looked at me with tired eyes.
"Matt..." He said with a groan. "Food..."
"Fine." I said and took out ingredients for pancakes. "And stop calling me Matt. I'm not one of your idiot friends." I was referring to that Danish one named Mathias, even though he was my friend too. I sighed as I watched Kumajiro walk through the door. I pulled some of his food from the fridge and placed it in his bowl. I sighed and continued to make the pancakes.
When I was done, I placed the food in front of my brother. He instantly jumped up and started inhaling it, as I behaved like a human being while eating.
"So, Maddie." He said and swallowed the rest of the milk in his glass. "Are you dating David yet?" He asked with a smirk. He was talking about my best friend, David. He was from Ecuador. I simply looked over at Al with a frown. "I'll take that as a no." He said and looked down at the table, letting me finish eating.
David was an interesting boy. I couldn't sort out what I felt for him. I knew him since we moved out here, as he was the first person to talk to me. To notice me, really. He had a horrible past as well, so he could relate to how my life went. I guess I "liked" him, but that wasn't returned, right?
I shook my head as I finished my breakfast. I picked up everything and placed it in the sink. I flattened my uniform skirt and walked to the door to put on my shoes and grab my bag. Al followed after and did the same before we both walked out. I locked the door and tossed him the keys so he could drive. It wasn't long before we were off.
I stared out the window and saw it was drizzling again. There was that one stuck up girl that compared this town to that one place in that one crappy book, Twilight, was it called? I rolled my eyes at that statement and stared yet again. The world wasn't made of sparkley vampires and stupid plots that no one liked anyway. Girls were to encompassed by love stories that made no sense, nowadays. They had this perfect world to live in, a dream to fulfill. I scoffed at that and stared at the sky.
"Maddie." I jumped at my brother saying my name in the silent car.
"Yes?"
"Are you happy?" He asked, looking at the road solemnly. "I mean, do you like this life?"
"What makes you ask that?" I asked, looking at him curiously. He sighed and pushed down his sleeve. The bracelet was hanging there. It was one of those few times when we got to see each other when Mom and Dad were divorced. It wasn't even fraying, he took such good care of it.
"You've just seemed so sad..." He whispered and looked around. "Like, you aren't talking with anyone, you barely have friends over anymore. All you do is walk up stairs and sulk." He said and I chuckled.
"David has his sister to deal with, Ivan supposedly got someone pregnant, and you're always doing something." I said, not believing the rumor about Ivan. It explained why he wasn't at school, but I still highly doubted it.
"Oh..." Al sighed.
"Did mom tell you to ask?" I asked and he rolled his eyes.
"Of course not. That's absurd-"
"Absurd isn't in your vocabulary. Mom told you to say that too. I know a lie when I hear it." I snapped at him. We were silent for a few moment before I sighed. "I'm sorry..." I said quietly. Damn my politeness. I had to say sorry every time my voice got louder than a whisper in anger or something of the like.
We were silent again and my gaze floated to the sky. It was almost like that night... that dream. I had to tell myself it was a dream every day now. It was getting harder and harder to believe. Mom seemed to forget me whenever I left the room, and teachers always asked if Madelyn was a new student. Apparently they'd never seen my ID before. Kids were even ignoring me... When they were asked to pass things out, they'd always skip me. I guess they couldn't see the small person in the chair.
I sighed again and scratched the cuts in my leg. I had to start it again. Life was getting to hard to deal with, so I started my nasty Foster Home habit of injuring myself. Al didn't know, and neither did Mom. I bought the bandages and razors on my own, or stole them. Invisibility would always make the second method easier.
"Maddie." Alfred's voice ripped me from my thoughts and I focused on the surroundings. Fairview-ridge Union of Knowledge. My high school.
I pulled myself from the car and brushed myself off. I shrugged my bag onto my shoulder and walked quickly away from the car. I didn't want any more of Mom's questions.
People didn't notice me as I walked through the front door, they never did. Kids were milling about on the front hall, commons, and even the cafeteria on the second floor. I made my way through the school and into the library.
Silence greeted me as I pulled out my small notebook and pen. I stared at the page and sighed. I turned to the flip-side on the page and started sketching nothing in particular. School wouldn't start for another 20 minutes, so I had time.
My mind floated to that night... that dream... it haunted me... the streets I walked were ones I tried to avoid. I only ever thought of that night. I looked down at the sketch and jumped. The orange eyes from the dream jumped out at me. I didn't notice my hand grabbed an orange pen and colored it in while I was thinking.
Suddenly my head pounded and a vivid image of that boy's face pulsed in front of my eyes that were clamped shut from the pain. I pressed my palms hard over my ears because the sound of even the air drifting past, and the sound of someone turning a page in the background hurt too much.
"MADDIE!"
The feeling of being nearly tackled to the ground made the pain disappear. I looked up to see two of the albinos that attended the school.
"Hi Gilbert... hi James..." I muttered and was pulled up by both.
"Maddie! Why do you have to be so down?" Gilbert asked and I shrugged. I saw James being himself, quiet and concentrated, and waved. He nodded back and continued to mess with his white hair.
"I'm tired." I muttered and ran my hand through my hair. "And do we have practice today?"
"Yeah. Coach wanted all of us after school today." He said and patted my shoulder. I nodded and gathered my things.
"We should get to class." I heard James' low voice say and nodded. I walked from the room without saying goodbye to my two team members. Hockey was the best sport in my opinion, but sadly there was barely anybody on the team. Not many people wanted to play such a dangerous sport I suppose. Gilbert already had partial bottom dentures from how many teeth he'd lost. I giggled at that thought and found myself at my locker.
Soon, my books were in my hands and I was off to my first class, algebra... joy.
Sarcasm's lovely, isn't it?
ΞΞΞTIMESKIPΞΞΞ
I sat, my head lolling to the ceiling. I watched patterns flicker over it, from the glare of the projector screen in the front of the class room. World History was horribly boring. The Indus Valley Civilization was boring. I was only really excited for the later histories, but I would have to wait.
My head rolled around on my neck to look down at my phone that had just vibrated. I opened it and read the text. It was from my friend, David. I looked up at him, who was across the room, but staring directly at me. I furrowed my brow in confusion and looked back down at my phone.
"Your neck looks broken when you swivel your head around like that. Doesn't it hurt?"
I cocked my head to the side and a smile perked onto my face. It was a while since that happened. I proceeded to type back an insult along the lines of "Your face looks funny. Doesn't it hurt when you look in a mirror?"
I saw him scowl at me after I watched him read the message, making me chuckle. He shook his head and continued to watch the "movie" which was a video so boring and dry, my ears started to feel like the Sahara after listening for too long.
My attention was focused on the floor after about five minutes of the sickeningly boring video. I watched a bug scuttle across it. It was moving towards me slowly. I thought that I should name it, out of the blue and named it Hank. Hank continued to crawl around, a small black dot on the dark carpet. My eyes drifted shut after a long time of watching Hank move around unnoticed.
My head sunk into my arms on my desk and I felt sleepy. The noises around me became distorted and seemingly loud and quiet at the same time. Before long, the noises and lights around me fell silent and dim.
My eyes opened and bright light shone at me. I blinked a few time and looked around where I was. A small room filled with hockey gear and coats and shoes. It looked like the basement of my house now with Shikoba and Alfred, but it was different. It was familiar.
"Come on, Maddie." I heard a soft voice say and I smiled. It was Mom. Real mom. I stood up and she took my hand. I didn't protest, even though I was reaching eleven. I knew this was her way out saying "I love you" when she didn't want to talk.
We walked to the car with my hockey gear and I pushed my pads into the back seat. I sat in the front with her and my hockey stick that she gave to me. We were quickly off over the wintery ice covered roads. The sky was dark, even though it was barely 15:00. I made a joke about it and she laughed. There was silence again until I added to that joke.
"Hey mom! It's dark and cold out, kinda like the inside of Dad's heart!" I said with a giggle and she laughed so hard, the car started to wobble. I said something about it quietly, but she was laughing too hard to notice. She looked over at me and messed up my hair.
"You're a cute kid-" Her words were cut off.
I wasn't even looking at her anymore. I was looking at the road, which her eyes had been off of for a while.
Two bright yellow lights burned my eyes forever. The hood peeled up infront of me and the front of the other truck just continued to shed our front end.
My mother looked slowly up at the gut wrenching noise and her hand shifted from my head to my shoulder faster than the truck pushed the engine through the dashboard. The airbags deployed, breaking my nose and shoving me back into the seat. I felt metal and plastic being pushed into my legs and arms and screamed in pain. The window shield shattered and glass flew everywhere, cutting my already broken face. Something ruptured the airbag pressing into my face painfully, and I was left to flop around freely.
Because of the open window, the noise was almost deafening. The car was moving backwards now, skidding loudly on the road. I could only clutch onto the hockey stick in front of me for protection. It was broken now, but I kept all of it in my bloodied hands.
The car came to an abrupt halt and I was slammed forward, before feeling my body being pushed hard enough to break through the window in the passenger door and to fall limply on the ground.
My foot was yanked at sharply before that pain vanished fast and my eyes found the car tipping slowly over the edge of the road. Blue eyes stared at me for a split second before I lost sight of them
Shredding metal against rocks, tumbling down a mountain side. Ice under my elbows and shredded legs. Blood pouring out of me onto the roadside and melting some of the ice. Road salt pushing into my skin. Screams on pain and loss. The slamming of a car door. Hands on my shoulders. Words from a man. A phone number being dialed. Frantic speaking. Helicopter blades. Hands trying to pull away the splintered, broken hockey stick. My screams of "no". Someone shaking my shoulders.
Someone... shaking my... shoulders..?
My eyes shot open and my back straitened immediately, shooting up from the desk.
"Maddie, you okay..?" Asked a familiar voice. I stood up quickly without David's help. He was looking at me with worried eyes and I nodded. The teacher was standing next to him. "You wouldn't wake up, Mads." His tone was serious.
"I'm fine! I just... Bad dream! See you at lunch!" I said quickly, gathering my things from the desk and floor with shaking hands. My legs carried me out the door fast and into the crowded hallway. A book or two hand fallen out of my arms and onto the threshold to the History class, but I didn't care.
I nearly ran through the halls, my thoughts buzzing around my head, making me dizzy.
I fell to the ground and my books all spilled onto the floor. I looked up to see who crashed into me, but everything was just moving by so fast. I tried to gather my books, but my hands were stepped on multiple times, as well as my books.
The bell rang and the shroud of kids above me practically kicked me to the ground again, but the were soon gone and silence fell. I sat up and began to slowly collect my ripped apart books from all across the hall and place them carefully into my messenger bag. When I was finally done, I stood up and looked down the hall.
Red-orange pierced my subconscious and and a pain that felt like a million fish chewing into my brain pounded through my head with every one of my frequent heartbeats. Before long, my feet staggered backwards and I was at the bottom of the stairs, aching all over. My hands flew to my ears as I pulled my body to an upright position. I ran headfirst into the door from the stairs into the freshman floor, where they were having lunch, and were able to wander the halls aimlessly.
I stumbled hard into walls and through groups of kids with my eyes shut tight and my hands over my ears. My head throbbed as I ran, and I bit back a few screams and it intensified, that red-orange stare flashing in front of my eyes.
There were more stairs that I fell down, but I kept running, trying to find a quiet place.
Finally, that place came, and my face pushed into cold concrete. My headache quelled and I slowly opened my eyes. The girls locker room in the hockey rink. No one came in here but me, as I was the only girl on the team.
My breathing echoed through the small space as my hands peeled from my ears a while ago. I felt my shaking body hit the floor multiple times and also felt the blood dripping from the razor cuts in my thigh. I sat up and pulled the first aid kit from my bag and lifted my skirt and pulled down my tights to reveal wet bandages on my upper thigh. The blood had leaked through and stained my tights on the right side. I balled them up and pushed them down into the plastic bag, along with my stained bandages.
I wiped the blood off my leg and looked down at the scars. They were hideous, but I didn't care anymore. I simply cleaned and dressed the cuts, pulling each one apart and basking in my own, self induced pain. The blood leaked onto my hands, but I didn't care. I stared down and stared at my flesh. I felt happiness fill my veins from the chemicals my brain sent out as a reaction to the pain.
It was gone quickly, and I cleaned the cuts fast, dressing them too. I dug in my bag for another pair of tights and, when I found them, I pulled them on, as well as my shoes after. I sat, still shaking heavily, in the small, silent locker room. I heard my breathing and just slumped against the wall, resting until I heard the bell for the next class.
ЖЖЖDAVID'S POVЖЖЖ
I stared around at the door where she had run out, worried. She was shaking and muttering in her sleep, and no one gave her even a glance as they walked out the door.
"Boy what are you still doing here...?" I jumped at the teacher, Mr. Green's, voice. I looked at him confused.
"I was waking up my friend." I said, staring right at him. He stared back, confused.
"No one was sleeping in this class. Everyone left except you." He said, looking down immediately after and squishing a bug underneath his thumb on the desk Maddie was sitting.
"She just ran out and dropped her books!" I argued. A few kids were walking in now, looking at me, confused.
"Boy, do you need to go to the nurse?" He asked quietly, so the other students wouldn't stare. I shook my head quickly and walked away, trying to distance myself from him, picking up her books by the door and pushing them into my bag.
I would have to talk to her later, but not then, I was getting late to Spanish II, and I'd ditched it far to much. I was still worried for Madelyn though.
ЖЖЖJASPER'S POVЖЖЖ
What was that?
That was her! And she just stumbled backwards down a fight of stairs! I had heard the thuds and everything!
It was her, with her purple eyes that I couldn't remove from my vision. I took a step towards the stairwell, but I felt Mathias' hand pull my arm, forcing me into the class. He pushed me into my seat and I heard him sigh in relief when the teacher turned around to look at the class, and didn't notice we came in late.
He spoke lowly about what we were doing that day, which was a work sheet out of the book and a video as always. As soon as the worksheet was handed out, everyone started talking loudly, and no matter how hard the teacher tried, he failed.
"What was that, man?!" Mathias said, punching me in the shoulder. "Why'd you try and go back? Whatever you dropped isn't important."
"Didn't you see her?!" I asked, freaking out a bit. "A girl just fell backwards down the stairs!" Matt looked at me with raised eyebrows. "What?! I saw her!"
"Maybe you should lay off the drugs before school." He said with a chuckle.
"I don't do drugs! Stop saying I do because of the stereotype of my country! We're nothing like-" He punched my shoulder again.
"Calm down man, I was making a joke."
"She was real!" I said, pleading with him to believe me. He rolled his eyes fast and leaned his chair onto two feet. "I saw her. She was the one I told you about at the bakery!"
"The one with purple eyes?"
"Yes!" I grabbed his arm. "You said that she sounded familiar!" He tapped his chin in thought, or at least feigning thought.
"Can't remember." He muttered, obviously losing interest in the girl that seemed to only be in my imagination. I threw my hands in the air in frustration, but it wasn't out of place in the huge, loud class. "What?" He asked, sounding a bit annoyed, which was rare for him.
"I saw that girl. The one with the triangle barrettes, and the blonde pigtails, and the freckles!" I said, almost begging for him to think of me as sane. I hadn't seen her for months since that dream... if it was a dream...
"Jonny," He used a nickname of my nickname, Johan. Funny, really. "Drop it, man. You're just like, hallucinating on dehydration or something." He reached down and pulled out a water bottle from his bag and forced it into my hands. I obliged to take a sip, because he always had a weird concoction of juices in there that tasted amazing.
I gave it back to him and looked at the door for a split second, wondering about her. Wondering about the girl with those purple eyes that I knew I saw fall off the bridge.
I shook myself from that thought and looked around the room, crazy as usual, but at least nothing bad was actually happening. My brain focused on the work for once, trying to avert my thoughts from that girl.
ϪϪϪMADELYN'S POV+TIMESKIPϪϪϪ
"Mads, you're shaking."
"No I'm not!"
"Yes, you are."
"Don't touch me!"
David crossed his arms to say "fine" and went back to eating his lunch. I was sitting with him and some of the hockey team. Gilbert, James and Ivan were just chatting up up next to us, and I was trying not to freak out.
"Oh! Madders!"
I'm getting sick of these nicknames... I thought, just call me Madelyn or Maddie for god's sake.
"Yes, Gilbert?" I asked, pulling on the sleeves of my hoodie.
"Coach said we have practice today. And, he needs to talk to you about something he found in the girl's locker room, he's wondering if it's yours." My heart jumped into my throat as he laughed. He made a comment about female hygiene and the pill or something, but I was far too scared to think about that.
Did I leave something in there? I thought, I thought I cleaned everything up! When if I got blood on the floor!
A punch on my shoulder from Ivan lurched me from my thoughts, as well as my chair, as I ended up on the ground. I bit back a shout when some kid stepped on my hand. He was blabbering in a Spanish accent to an obviously annoyed kid. He was one of the Italian triplets, and I assumed the guy talking was Antonio.
I accepted both Ivan and David's help off the floor and plopped back down in my seat. It was common for him to underestimate his strength like that.
"Madelyn, before I knocked you over, I wanted to say to cheer up. Today isn't so bad! We get to practice today, da?" I nodded and returned to my food. Well, the empty space where food was supposed to be. I didn't have the money to buy food today, nor did I bother to bring a lunch.
My gaze was fixed on the table in front of me with my hands on the edge of it, half covered up with the sleeves of my hoodie. I felt David's eyes staring me down for almost five minutes before I looked up at him. His jaw was set and he was staring me down, trying to get me to squirm. Unfortunately, he was always able to do that.
My gaze fell to the table again and my small, fiddling hands. He was still staring at me, I knew it.
I was surprised when I saw a sandwich slide into my view. I looked up at him.
"Eat." He muttered, obviously still frustrated with me.
"No. I can't take your food."
"You're shaking still. It's been hours since that class. You need to eat. And plus, you're going to be kicking these guys' butts later, so you need the energy." He said, and a smile pulled at my lips. I was surprised at how he could do that, every time. "Eat, to kick butts."
"I'll agree to that." I slowly muttered and started nibbling at the sandwich. He laughed a bit at me. "What?" I asked, with him still chuckling.
"You're a dork." He said and we fell silent again. Before long, the bell rang and I headed to health class. Apparently we were starting a suicide and self injury unit, paired with mental illnesses. How Ironic.
ΞΞΞTIMESKIPΞΞΞ
"Maddie, you can't scream 'die' every time you hit the puck." Coach said sternly after he was almost hit by the puck I'd hit. I heard Gilbert snicker behind me. "That goes for you too, Berwald." I looked back at the Swede acting as the goalie. Gilbert kept giggling. "Gilbert, you're just a freak, so stop giggling like an idiot." It was my turn to laugh and skate off.
Coach continued to make up laugh for another ten minutes as we rested. The brown haired girl that was giving us snacks plopped down next to me. Her name was Anastázia Szader.
"You're really brave to play with all those guys." She said quietly. She seemed shy, as I didn't talk to her much. "I mean, it must be tough, with them beating you up all the time." I chuckled and took a drink.
"Nah, man. I'm the one that beats these guys up." I said and saw Mathias stick his tongue out at me out of the corner of my eye. "I'm squishy and all, but it's blubber, to keep me warm and safe!" I said, laughing a bit. The only time I would talk like this was when I was playing hockey. Hockey made me feel strong, and that meant me coming out of my shell a bit more. I wasn't my quiet self when I played hockey. I was so much more like Alfred, it was crazy.
She laughed at my blubber statement and I went on to show her my squishy belly. Quite a few of the guys laughed at me and my statement of "Come on Anya, poke my blubber!"
Much later, after everything was set right, and I got to know Anastázia better, I went into the locker room to change out of my gear. It smelled like sweat and blood, so I packed it into my bag to wash it at home.
As I pulled my hoodie on, there was a knock on the door.
"I'm decent!" I shouted and the door creaked open. Coach leaned on the doorframe and the memory from lunch filled my mind.
What did he find..? I thought, scared.
A brief second later, he held up a key chain.
"Is this yours?" He asked, and I exhaled deeply in relief.
"No, it's to pink for me. It's probably Anya's or one of Ivan's sisters' or something." I said, my voice much more calm and cool than I expected.
"Thanks." He said. "Get home safe." He said and walked off.
I slumped against the lockers and breathed heavily to calm my heart rate. The fear leaked out of my blood eventually and I stood, legs and arms shaking. When I got home, all I would do would be to lay down and let Kumajiro play with my arms. I missed him, really. It was a long day, and, as I exited, I sighed. My head was pounding and my eyes felt like they were sucked of all moisture. My hands and feet were cold, and I was just exhausted.
When I got home, it would be better.
A/N2: Are you happy now? This was a whopping 8 pages! That's 5200+ words, man! My wrists hurt from typing the majority of this in 3 hours, and my brain hurts from how much I had to think for this.
Well, I love all you readers, and, have a good morning, afternoon, evening, or night, and please review.
Later.