Chapter 9: Doubt

A/N: Okay! So, I finally wrote a chapter which includes some intimate scenes. I've never written one before...so I hope it doesn't suck too bad. I have a couple ideas for a couple more chapters, but if anyone has any ideas or requests, let me know! Still no reviews, but I would really like to know what you all think!

"Sebastian…" Why was I so nervous?

"Yeah Killer? Did I hurt you?" Sebastian took his hands off of my back immediately.

"No, it's not that."

"What's wrong Blaine?" Sebastian rested his forehead at the base of my neck and wrapped his arms around my abdomen. His long fingers lightly grazed my stomach.

It was now or never.

I turned myself around so that I was on my knees facing him. Sebastian looked at me with a confused look. I cupped his face and leaned down to place a kiss on his lips. I could feel Sebastian back away slightly, probably not expecting that I would initiate the kiss. I put some of my weight on him, sending him the message that I wanted him to lie down. As I supported my weight with my elbows, I could feel myself already getting a hard on. Sebastian began grinding his hips on me and ran his hands down my back until his hand were on my ass. I felt his hands grip me tightly and resulted in me moaning into Sebastian's mouth. I could feel Sebastian's lips curve into a smile.

I moved my mouth to his neck where I began to lightly bite him and suck on his neck. Sebastian tilted his head, granting me more surface area to explore. One spot in particular close to the crook of his neck elicited a loud moan from Sebastian. I couldn't help but smirk. The sound of him moaning was beautiful; it sent a shiver down my spine.

Before I knew what was happening, Sebastian had taken control and turned me onto my back so that he was on top of me. Sebastian began placing kisses from my neck until he reached my nipple. He placed my nipple in his mouth and roughly started sucking on it and biting down softly. I couldn't help but moan loudly and run my hands through his hair.

Sebastian continued his trail of kisses until he reached the waist of my pants. He tugged them down only slightly so that my hips were exposed. He sucked a little harder, causing an immense rush of blood to my aching cock.

I realized Sebastian was still fully clothed. I sat up and practically ripped off his shirt before I began kissing his neck. Here was this man in all his beautiful glory. With me. Sebastian kissed me again, this time sloppy…needy. Sebastian pushed me down roughly, but not enough so that it would hurt me. I could feel his full hard on rubbing up on my own cock. If he didn't fuck me soon, I would cum before we even got into it. Never have I ever felt like this. This good. This close to someone. Not even with Kurt.

"Blaine…" Sebastian's voice was hungry. "Are we…uh-should I contin-"

"Yes." My response was quick. I wanted this. I needed this. Now.

"Are you su-…"

"Sebastian!" Sebastian chuckled slightly as he slowly began pulling off my pants. I positioned myself so that it would be easier for him to take off my pants. I moaned slightly as the cool air touched my throbbing cock.

In an instant, my world was spinning. It felt as if I couldn't control my own body. I couldn't help but buck my hips when I felt Sebastian's warm, wet mouth around my length. I assumed that Sebastian was talented with his mouth, but I'd never felt anything like this before.

"SEBASTIAN…" I could feel Sebastian's throat vibrate around the tip of my cock. In between gasps and moans I tried to find words to describe how I felt, but had no success.

"Seb...mmm..Sebastian…please." I ran my hands through Sebastian's hair and forced his head down further on my cock.

I couldn't help but whimper when I felt Sebastian's mouth leave my cock. "Can't have you finishing just yet killer" I groaned loudly, hoping that he would understand how annoyed I was with his teasing.

Sebastian looked up from between my legs and gave me a devilish smirk before he ran his tongue along the vein on the bottom of my length, from the base to the tip. When he reached the head, his licked off the precum that was coming out of my slit. Was it possible to feel this good? This amazing?

"Se-Seb-…Sebastian..I…" I felt as if my brain wasn't working. I couldn't even form words. "I'm g-going to c-cum if you don't…" As I was talking, I tightly gripped the sheets and had to bite my lip, afraid of climaxing before he was also satisfied.

Sebastian removed his mouth from my cock. "Tell me Blaine. Tell me what you want."

"Please…"

"Please what?" Sebastian was such a tease. "Tell me what you want Blaine."

"F-fuck me Sebastian. Please, fuck me!" I could feel myself practically begging. I wanted this so bad. "Seb.." I must sound pathetic. I was practically whimpering.

"Should I go get it fro-"

"No, top drawer." Sebastian reached over and opened the drawer taking out the condom and the lube.

"Sebastian…wait, uh… I"

"You don't want this?" He asked. Sebastian's shoulders slumped as if he was defeated. Let down.

"NO! I do, it's just that…" I could feel my cheeks getting warm. "I've never…I-..I've only ever topped…I've never…" When I was with Kurt, it was usually me who had to do all the work. I've had sex before, but I was still technically a virgin.

"Blaine. A-are you…are you still a virgin?" I turned an even darker shade of red. This was embarrassing. I grabbed the pillow and threw it over my face.

"Hey! Blaine! It's okay." Sebastian grabbed the pillow and threw it off the bed. "Why are you embarrassed?"

"I was always the one who did everything with Kurt. I've never been…f-fucked before…"

"Do you want to stop?" Sebastian was so caring. Even if it meant him not being able to climax, he was willing to stop.

"No…just…" Sebastian looked into my eyes. I could see that he was worried. I didn't know how to tell him not to hurt me without telling him to stop.

Sebastian placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I don't want to hurt you Blaine. If it hurts at any point Blaine, please, please, tell me and I'll stop. I don't want to hurt you…o-or make you uncomfortable."

I nodded. Sebastian lifted my legs above his shoulders. He slowly began licking my hole, sending an insane rush of pleasure through my entire body. I slowly began pumping myself. I felt myself getting closer and closer; this needed to happen soon.

Trying to be quiet was completely pointless. I couldn't help but moan loudly and yell his name. It felt so good. Sebastian extended his arm, stretching his fingers so that they were in my mouth. I ran my tongue all over his finger, sucking slightly and causing Sebastian to moan.

With that, Sebastian removed his finger from my mouth and opened the lube, generously soaked his fingers. I never thought anything could feel better than what I had felt till then, but I never could have prepared for what came next. He slowly began rubbing my hole with his long, massaging me, effectively sending new sensations of ecstasy throughout my body.

When I felt his first finger enter, I had to grab a pillow to bite so that I didn't wake the neighbors. Was it bad that I thought I was loud enough for them to realize what was going on? I don't care.

He started slow, being gentle with me. I needed this. I needed this fast. Sebastian put in another finger, this time fingering a little faster and rougher. Sebastian looked up at me before placing his third finger, smiling when he saw what he was doing to me.

Sebastian quickly threw off his pants and ripped open the wrapper, placing the condom over his cock. "Are you ready?"

"Y-yes. Please, I…I need you i-insi-" I gasped when I felt the tip enter. Just his tip sent me over the edge. I blinked rapidly, fighting back the tears that were threatening my eyes.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry Blaine!" A look of disappointment and remorse crossed over Sebastian's face before he pulled out.

"No! Sebastian, it feels good I promise." I kissed him, not wanting him to think he had done anything wrong.

He started slowly, a little too hesitantly if you ask me. He didn't want to hurt me. This was more than I could have ever asked for. Sebastian. Sebastian. I could barely take it when I felt him completely inside of me. Sebastian was panting, his sweat gleaming.

When Sebastian looked at me, I nodded. I wanted more of him inside of me. Sebastian began speeding up his thrusts, sending me close to the edge every single time he hit that spot that made me roll my eyes.

"Tell me if-" Sebastian started.

"Seb-SEBASTIAN! More…more, please…" Sebastian started pumping me in rhythm with every thrust. I was close. I could feel it. So close.

"Say it louder Blaine. Say my name."

"Sebastian…Seb-sebastian, harder…please…faster…"

Sebastian kept an even rhythm, slowly speeding up, thrusting into me harder and hitting my prostate with every thrust. In a single moment, I felt the greatest rush of euphoria I had ever experienced. I felt my stomach become sticky as I moaned out and yelled Sebastian's name.

Seconds later, I could feel Sebastian climax inside of me."B-Blaineee!" Sebastian panted and collapsed on top of me. As Sebastian and I lied there trying to catch our breathes, I couldn't help but feel grateful.

"Oh my…oh my God. Sebastian…that..,that was incredible." He rolled off of me and I tilted my head so that I could look into his eyes.

Sebastian leaned closer, placing a kiss on my lips. "You're amazing Blaine." He placed another quick kiss on my lips before he got off the bed and went to the bathroom. When he came back out, he had a towel in his hand, which he tossed to me so that I could clean myself up.

"I'm going to shower. Do you want to join?" I smiled at him and got off the bed. Sebastian held out his hand for me as we walked into the bathroom.

After a quick shower and putting on just shorts, we went back to bed. I threw myself onto the bed, completely exhausted. I had never felt this happy before. I had never felt so…so satisfied. Sebastian was more than I could have ever asked for.

"So what was that movie about again?" Sebastian asked. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. Leave it Sebastian to make a joke right now of all times.

Suddenly, a little tinge of uncertainty crossed my mind. What was next? Was he leaving? Would he stay? Would he hold me throughout the night?

"So, are you…do you want to spend the night. I mean, we can…I was ho-hoping we could cuddle." Even after what just went down, I was still nervous around Sebastian. I turned my gaze away, afraid of being rejected by him.

"I thought you'd never ask." He smiled that same bright smile that I love before he jumped into bed next to me. I threw the blanket over us and scooted in closer to him.

"Sebastian?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

I could feel Sebastian's lips curve into a smile on my neck before placing a soft kiss. Sebastian wrapped his arms around me. He hugged me tightly and nestled into his head into my neck. I loved the warmth that was being shared from our bare chests. I think it would be impossible to feel closer…more connected to someone than I feel right now. I reached over to shut off the lights and placed a light kiss on his cheek. Within minutes, I could hear Sebastian's light snoring in my ear. When I was sure that he was asleep, I slipped my fingers through his.

"I love you."

There is absolutely nothing worse than waking up, expecting to find someone next to you, yet being there completely alone. I sat up and looked around me. The clock said it was only 9am, where did Sebastian go? Did he leave me? When…why? None of his clothes were there, and there was no sign of him anywhere.

"Sebastian?" I called, hoping to get a response, but half expecting not to. I looked at my phone to see if maybe, just maybe, I had a text or a missed call from him. Nothing.

I brought me knees up to my chest and hugged my legs before resting my head. Please tell me this wasn't happening. Did Sebastian really leave me after having sex with me? So this really was what he wanted. A quick screw and that's it. Was that all that I was good for? I thought I was different, I thought that maybe…just maybe Sebastian and I could be…

No. What was I thinking? I knew that this is what it would come down to. Sebastian wouldn't love me. Sebastian wouldn't make it exclusive, that just wasn't how he did things. It hurt though. Despite knowing that this would be the outcome, it still felt like a knife had just been stabbed through my chest, directly into my heart.

Why was I so stupid? I'm such a fucking idiot. Everything that I'm feeling right now, this hurt…this betrayal…this emptiness, was all my fault. I deserved it for being so foolish. So ignorant.

I didn't realize that I was crying until I heard myself sob uncontrollably. I must have looked so pathetic. Here I am, bawling my eyes out, when Sebastian is probably ay oh kay at his place right now, thinking about who his next victim would be.

The cuddling throughout the night? The passionate love they shared the night before? Did it not mean anything to Sebastian? No, I'm sorry. The passionate fuck. Sebastian was incapable of love, that much was clear to me now.

I felt like ripping out my hair out of how frustrated I was. It wasn't even sadness anymore. It was remorse. It was anger. It was disappointment. Of all the people to lose my virginity to, it would be to Sebastian. Am I fucking insane?

I looked like a mess. My eyes must have been puffy and blood shot, and I can just imagine what my hair looks like.

Then, I heard something drop.

What I had not expected was to come back to find Blaine like this. What was wrong? Why was he crying uncontrollably? Oh no. Oh no, no no! He regretted it…he regretted last night. Fuck. FUCK!

I felt a stinging sensation in my eye. I was not about to start crying right now. Not like this. Not in front of Blaine.

"Blaine?" Blaine didn't say anything. He just looked at me with big, beautiful, puffy eyes. Why wasn't he speaking to me…did he hate me that much?

"Blaine…wh-what's wrong?"

"Y-you're…you're here?" What did he mean? Of course I was here. Where else would I be? "I-I thought y-you h-had left me." It was hard to understand him through the sobs and gasps, but I understood why he was upset. He though I had left him. He thought I pulled what I would do to any other guy. But not you Blaine. Never.

"No!" I said as I walked over to the bed and kneeled down. I grabbed his hands and held them tightly in mine before I leaned down to kiss his hand. No, but seriously…I don't do this cutsie shit. What is wrong me? "Why would you think that? I'm so sorry Blaine, I didn't mean to worry you."

I got up on the bed and laid down next to Blaine so that I could bring him into an embrace. Maybe if I held him he would be okay. Maybe if I held him he would be happy.

After a couple of minutes of lying there, Blaine finally was able to control himself enough to speak. He turned around to face me.

"I'm so sorry Sebastian. I don't know what got over me. I woke up, and I didn't see you anywhere. I got upset thinking that…" Blaine stopped his sentence as he looked away.

"It's okay. I won't be offended. Why were so upset?" I pulled him in closer, hugging him as tightly as I could.

"I just assumed that now that you had fucked me, you would just…leave and be done with me. I'm sorry, I thought the worst of you. I shouldn't have. I was being stupid." Ouch. On one hand, I should feel happy that he cared enough to be a wreck over the idea that I had just left him. But on the other, did Blaine really think so lowly of me that he would assume I was just leave him? I think it would feel better to have an actual knife in my chest than what I felt in this moment.

I sat up and brought Blaine to sit up with me. "It's…It's fine. I've given you reason not to trust me in the past. I understand where that's coming from. But you need to understand Blaine, I would never do that to you. I can't." Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Was I really tearing up right now?

Blaine wrapped his arms around me and threw himself on me, knocking us both off of his bed. We couldn't help but laugh at what had just happened. As we got up, Blaine grabbed my hand and sat me down.

"I'm honestly really sorry Sebastian. I don't know what came over me, I've never been like this with anyone…ever." I kissed Blaine, taking him by surprise. He was so good. So kind. So loving. How had I been so blessed to be with someone like Blaine?

"It's okay B. Thanks for the confidence though. Sure does make me feel good about myself." I said jokingly. Blaine just laughed and punched me in the arm.

"Where did you even go?"

"Well, I didn't want to use more of your food, but I wanted to make you breakfast, so I went out to this diner near by to pick us up some pancakes and other breakfast foods."

The look on Blaine's face was priceless. He looked what could only be described as a mix of guilt, happiness, and relief. He looked away.

"You keep surprising me Seb. Whenever I think you're about to zig, you zag…I can't believe I was so stupid, thinking the worst when you were doing something so kind.

"What can I say, I'm full of surprises." I said giving him a wink. "Crap!" I yelled. I forgot that I had dropped the food when I saw Blaine in the condition he was in.

"What's wrong?"

"I dropped the food when I saw you when I came into the room, now it's probably ruined."

"So that's what's in that bag?" Blaine stood up and went to go pick up the bag. "Everything looks fine, it's all still in it's containers. Do you want to eat this here or downstairs?"

Just then, a knock came at the door. "Well hello, hello. And what do we have here?" Cooper walked into the room.

"Blaine, are you okay?" Cooper walked over to Blaine and stared him in the eyes.

"Yeah," Blaine said, nervously laughing. "Great actually!"

"Why do you look like you just got run over by a bull dozer?"

"Subtle as always, right Cooper?" Blaine rolled his eyes. "Nothing, I just overreacted to something. No big deal."

"You're such a girl." Cooper said, resulting in a punch from Blaine. "Ow! Little brother, you do box remember? Your punches hurt! By the way, what smells so good?" Cooper asked.

"I went to buy breakfast this morning. There's plenty for all of us if you'd like to join us." There really was a lot. I wasn't really sure exactly what Blaine liked, so I figured I would get some of everything.

"Don't mind if I do!" Cooper said as he put his arm over Blaine's shoulder.

I couldn't help but feel a slight tinge of jealousy. He was his brother, and here I was getting jealous over Cooper having his arm over Blaine. Stupid. Calm down you idiot!

I stood up after Cooper waved me over to start heading downstairs to the kitchen. "Give us a minute" Blaine said, telling Cooper to go on ahead of us.

"What's up?" I asked Blaine after Cooper had left the room.

"Can we…can we talk about something really quick?"

"Sure, what is it?" Why was I so worried about what he was about to say.

"Listen Sebastian. Last night…last night was incredible. You made me feel things that I didn't think were even possible. But, you know me. You know that I can't just fuck someone and that's it. I…I wanted to know what last night meant to you?" Blaine's voice was shaking. What did he want me to say? It felt amazing. I enjoyed every second of it. But…what else more was there to it?

"Well, I know that I really enjoyed it. You were amazing, and I would definitely like to do it again." What else should I say? What was he looking for?

Blaine smiled, but I could tell from his eyes that he was disappointed. He was upset. Why? What did I do wrong?

"Blaine…I don't understand what's wrong. We both enjoyed it I assume? What else do you want me to say to you?" I love you?

"Forget it, I'm just being silly again. Let's get downstairs before Cooper eats all of the food!" Blaine grabbed my hand and we walked out of his room.

Why couldn't I say it? Why couldn't I say the one thing that Blaine wanted to hear? The L word...