George Washington woke up tied to a chair. He didn't know where he was, he didn't remember tying himself to a chair. that wasn't a good sign. More likely someone else had tied him to a chair.

"Who tied me to this chair!" George Washington pondered aloud furiously like a raven in the cold night of winter's grasp.

There was no answer...

He striggled and broke out of the chair and ran out the door of the room.

"Very industrous...for a capitalist!" A voice laughed in the dark.

"I know that voice anywhere...It's King Henry the 8th my old rival.

"No it's not." The voice was insulted. "It's me Denzela, Denzel's twin sister."

"Of course! Show yourself you nigger!"

"Whoa! That's a bit much isn't it?!"

"Where are you!?"

"Right here!" Suddenly the lights came on and George Washington was surrounded by fifty thugs and the middle of where they were was Denzela in a chair under a spot light she was laughing.

A rumble ensued.

meanwhile back at the brick house in the frozen wastes Cloud was lookin for clues. he found one in the form of a letter addressed to George Washington it hadn't been mailed.

"Dear Mr Washington please go back to where you came from we won't need your services."

Signed Henry the 8th of England.

"Wolfman Jack!" Cloud yelled.

He got his motorcycle and went to Wolfman Jack's house.

"Whoa!" Wolfman Jack yelled as a motorcycle burst through his front window and collided with the crib holding his 2 month old baby. "What the heck?"

"It's me Cloud."

"Oh hey what can I do for you bro?"

"I need you to check the authenticity of this letter."

"No problem." He held it up to a candle. "It's the real deal dawg. What's this all about?"

"No time to explain wolfman jack." Cloud got back on his motorbike and burst out the window again.

"Classic Cloud." Wolfman Jack shook his head and smiled.

Cloud went as fast as the bike could go and accelerated faster still.

"You can't go that fast!" He remembered the voice of his old friend George Washington. That was the first time they met. How much they had changed since then.

"Shut up you geriatric old fag." Cloud had said and then they beat the heck out of eachother. They had been best friends ever since.

Cloud sped up even more and exploded through the glass panes of a church.

"What in blue blazes!" The priest shouted.

"I'm here for the truth!"

"If you mean the word of God than you have come to the right place." The priest beamed.

"This is God." Cloud said and flashed his sword.

"Oh, then I guess I'll start worshiping that. Fuck I've wasted my whole life."

"Where's Henry the eighth!"

"The king of england?"

"YES!"

"..."

Cloud realized the answer had been in front of him the whole time. This priest was secretly the king of england!

Cloud laughed. "You almost got away with it too, Henry..."

"What gave it away?"

"The church...on the front lawn the sign says beware of vampires this halloween."

"So?"

"So only the Church of England acknowledges vampires!" (Editor's note: My own research has proven this false since the publication of this story. sorry)

"Well you're too late! My bomb is already flying through the air or whatever!"

"What?"

"What? What's up?"

"What was that about a bomb?"

"Wait, what was it you were after, let's start there."

"Where's my friend George washington!"

"Oh he's in the back of TOYS R US, where you can find the largest selection of toys for all ages! Don't miss this summer's sale and don't forget to exchange your air miles for your holiday shopping!"

"I won't...do you think I'm an idiot..."

"Well I guess you'll be off then...Unless you want a back rub or something."

"What?"

"What? I was just...joking or whatever." The king laughed nervously. "Well...peace out."

Cloud got on his bike and exploded through glass back onto the street.