Chapter 21: The Usual Suspects
Jack fumbled in his pockets in disbelief. He could not believe that his own compass was missing.
"Jack?" Guinevere asked.
"Yes?" Jack replied.
"You just told me your compass was gone. Who would take it?" Guinevere wanted to know.
"Let's do a process of elimination and run through the usual suspects, savvy?" Jack replied. "Lizzie!"
Elizabeth flew into the cabin. "For the love of God, Jack, what's all the shouting?"
"Dearest Lizzie, I have just noticed that my compass is missing," Jack explained. "Keeping in mind that you deliberately used a kiss to deceive me and sent me to Davy Jones Locker. I hold you the prime suspect."
"What?" Elizabeth cried, aghast.
"Remember, Lizzie, you did send me to the Locker all by your design, my darling murdering Pirate King. Of course I'd suspect you first," Jack replied.
"Jack!" Elizabeth cried. "That was more than ten years ago. Will you never let that go?"
"Never," Jack replied.
"Why would I steal your bloody compass?" Elizabeth demanded.
"Well, there are so many reasons why you would," Guinevere answered.
"Guin, you're not helping," Elizabeth said.
"I can think of many reasons why you'd take me compass, Lizzie," Jack replied. "Perhaps you wanted to use it to go back to Port Royal. Maybe you wanted to go and save Barbossa and his charming snake of a daughter, old Lucia. You and I are not too different, you know. I can imagine why you'd pilfer it from me. There's a reason that I elected you and not meself to be Pirate King, you know."
"Jack, Guin, you've both gone mad," Elizabeth said, outraged.
"That is quite the understatement," Guinevere laughed.
"If I weren't mad, I would not be Captain Jack Sparrow," Jack replied with a devilish grin.
"This is insane! You're accusing me of stealing something based on ten year old events," Elizabeth exclaimed.
"Old habits die hard," Guinevere said.
"Might I point out that you are just sashaying around the problem," Jack told her.
"What?" Elizabeth demanded.
"You get so defensive and such that all I require is a simple yea or nay," Jack replied.
"No, Jack, I do not have your bloody compass," Elizabeth replied, rolling her eyes.
Jack grinned. "Thank you, Elizabeth."
"Are we through now?" Elizabeth groaned.
"Not quite," Guinevere said.
"Now what?" Elizabeth moaned.
Guinevere pointed her pistol at Elizabeth.
"Guin, you've got to be joking," Elizabeth groaned in disbelief.
"I'm glad at least one of us has a sense of humor," Guinevere said with a smile.
"Well said, darling," Jack agreed. "Mrs. Sparrow, would you escort Mrs. Whelp to the deck and lash her to the mast?"
"Aye, Captain Sparrow," Guinevere agreed.
"Guin, Jack! This is ridiculous!" Elizabeth protested. "I already told you I don't have your compass."
"This is just so I know you are telling the truth," Jack said.
"This is because of when I left you to the Kraken," Elizabeth said knowingly.
"Well, what a clever girl you are," Jack praised.
With a click, Jack cuffed one of Elizabeth's wrists to the mast of the Pearl.
"Jack, let me go right now!" Elizabeth growled.
"Can't do that, love," Jack replied.
"Guin, don't do this to me," Elizabeth begged.
"Sorry, Elizabeth. Captain's orders," Guinevere said apologetically.
"This isn't necessary!" Elizabeth protested.
"Course it is," Jack countered. "As I once told someone not to friendly to me before, it's the honest ones you want to watch out for because you can never predict when they are going to do something incredibly stupid."
"Jack, if you do not let me go, I'll smash every bottle of rum you have until there's not a drop left," Elizabeth threatened.
"All these years you've known me, and yet you still can't persuade me," Jack laughed.
Just then, Will came up to the deck. "What's this, Jack?"
"Grab him," Jack said to Guinevere.
Like Elizabeth, Will was tossed against the mast and chained.
"What's going on, Jack?" Will demanded. "Unchain me, Guin!"
"Sorry, Will, we have an emergency," Guinevere said.
"And that requires us to be chained?" Will demanded.
"Yes, it does, indeed," Guinevere replied.
"I have lost my compass," Jack explained.
"Well, that's very nice, Jack, but why am I chained?" Will demanded.
"Because you're a suspect," Jack replied.
"But I don't have it!" Will said.
"I know," Jack said.
"You know?" Will asked incredulously.
"I'm just keeping you here so that I know you will not compromise my search for the thief," Jack explained.
"And?" Will asked expectantly.
"And I suspect you because you were the one who tried to take me ship all ten years ago. And you and your bonny lass were working with that tea-breathed whatshisface," Jack answered.
"Jack, you know we were coerced," Will groaned, rolling his eyes.
"Point is, you still did serve him to save the laddie," Jack replied.
"Have you considered that the thief is not among us?" Will asked.
"Well, of course I have not," Jack replied sheepishly.
"William is right, Jack," Guinevere said. "He and Elizabeth are unfortunately not the thieves we are looking for."
"Then if we're not, who is?" Elizabeth asked.
"I think I know," Guinevere said wisely.
"Darling, I think I know who you're thinking about," Jack agreed.
"Who did this?" Will asked.
"Mr. Gibbs!" Jack called.
"Cap'n," Gibbs said dutifully.
"Set a course for Tortuga," Jack said smugly.
The next day, in Tortuga, Barbossa and Lucia were getting nowhere fast. Their lack of transportation and direction nearly made them go insane.
"Remind me to kill Sparrow," Barbossa groaned.
"Sure, we could do that if we had a bloody ship!" Lucia snapped.
"If you have any better ideas, please share them, else keep your tongue behind your teeth before I lash it!" Barbossa said menacingly.
"In fact, I do have one solution, Father," Lucia said brightly.
"And what's that?" Barbossa asked.
"My drinking game with Mrs. Sparrow was not without benefit," Lucia said with a smile.
"Yes, and what? What's your solution?" Barbossa demanded.
Smirking, Lucia pulled out Jack's compass.
Barbossa was shocked. "How the blazes did you get that?"
"You ask that of your own daughter?" Lucia asked in jest. "I nicked it from Sparrow just after we overtook King and his ilk. He was so distracted with the victory that he never noticed."
"Did I ever tell you that I love you?" Barbossa said with a grin of gold teeth.
"Now, let's plunder a ship and find where this compass will take us," Lucia said.
"What about Sparrow?" Barbossa asked.
"What about him?" Lucia asked nonchalantly.
"He's bound to know his compass is missing. I can't believe the words be coming out of me mouth, but Sparrow is intelligent," Barbossa said.
"By the time he figures out who took it, we could be halfway back to the Fountain and gone by now," Lucia said dismissively.
Just then, Lucia heard a click in her ear. Barbossa heard another.
"Bugger," Lucia groaned.
"Sparrow," Barbossa said, rolling his eyes.
Sure enough, Barbossa and Lucia turned to find Jack and Guinevere pointing their guns.
"That was entirely without a drop of rum," Jack said triumphantly.
"How did you know?" Lucia demanded.
"Dearest Lucia, do you question the intelligence of Captain Jack Sparrow?" Jack asked.
"The thought did come up," Barbossa replied flatly.
"Process of elimination, Lucia dear," Guinevere answered. "Once we eliminated the usual suspects, you were the only usual suspects left."
"Thank you, darling," Jack said. "Now, I'll just take that compass back."
Rolling her eyes, Lucia handed over the compass.
"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" Guinevere said with a grin.
"What follows now, Jack?" Lucia wanted to know.
"You've already marooned us. How about you let us tag along?" Barbossa said.
"Because you marooned me three times, I shall simply maroon you again," Jack replied.
"How?" Lucia demanded.
Suddenly, Jack and Guinevere knocked Barbossa and Lucia unconscious with the butts of their pistols.
"Like that," Jack said triumphantly.
"I can't believe I ever thought of hanging up me guns," Guinevere said proudly.
"You were brilliant, Mrs. Sparrow," Jack beamed. "And now to leave Barbossa and dear Angelica on a pier with no compass at all, sailing away on my ship."
When Jack and Guinevere boarded the Pearl, they found Elizabeth and Will glaring at them.
"You have your compass. Now can you let us go?" Elizabeth demanded.
"I can, but I don't think I will," Jack countered.
"Jack!" Will said.
"What? I like it this way. It's relaxing for me," Jack laughed.
"Jack, I swear, if you do not release us right now, I'll make sure you end up in the Locker forever!" Elizabeth threatened.
"Really, Jack darling, there's no need for this anymore," Guinevere said persuasively, "They've served their time."
"Fine," Jack grumbled.
Jack then unlocked the chains and freed Will and Elizabeth.
"Thank you, Jack," Will and Elizabeth said.
"You're welcome," Jack said.
"Now that you have your compass, where are we going now?" Will wanted to know.
"We, as in you and I, are not going anywhere," Jack answered. "You, however, are going back to that spit of land known as Port Royal before you get me into any more messes by associating with dingy navy men."
"You're a darling, Jack!" Elizabeth said, beaming.
She leaned in to give Jack a hug, but Jack backed off. "No need to thank me, Lizzie. Once was enough."