Chapter 10
Adam lay in bed all day the next day. He couldn't believe it. He had just seen Mitch and he seemed fine. He was of course mourning his friend but he was also scared shitless. What if he died? Was he going to die like that? Fine one moment and gone the next?
Adam shivered and pulled the blankets tighter around him. Skeletor snuffled and resettled next to him. Kyle had been blowing up his phone for the last day and he had finally set it to silent. He didn't want to talk to him right now. Adam felt like he'd been hollowed out. His chest hurt and his eyes were burning.
He tried to sleep more but his body refused to give him any rest. His mind wouldn't stop with the thoughts of his own mortality. He heard the buzz of his phone again and he huffed out a frustrated sigh. He rolled over and snatched his phone from the nightstand. It wasn't Kyle this time.
Adam sniffed and answered his phone. Tommy's voice filtered through and he couldn't stop the tears from falling.
"Tommy I think I'm going to die." his voice cracked as he blurted out his feelings.
"Adam. Listen to me. Don't let it drag you down. I know you cared about Mitch. And I know this is a huge reality check. But you can't wallow. Because if you do die you don't want to die knowing that you spent the last of your time curled in a ball scared of the future." Tommy's voice was calm even if his words stung a little Adam appreciated it.
"I know what your saying but it's just.."
"Terrifying." Tommy cut in.
"Yeah. Mitch had prostate cancer.. that's way more common than what I have."
"Yes but he was also twice your age. Being young is an advantage for you. Your body has more fight than his did. I'm sorry your friend is gone, but right now I need you to stop wallowing, get out of bed, take a shower, shave, cause I know you need to, get dressed and go about your life."
Adam wiped his eyes and and sighed knowing that Tommy was right. "OK."
"Good I know you reek. I can almost smell you through the phone." Tommy teased.
"Fuck you I don't smell that bad." Adam grumbled lifting up the blankets and curling his nose at his own odor. "OK maybe I do."
Tommy chuckled and teased him a bit more until he started moving out of the bed.
"So when is the funeral?" Tommy finally asked.
Adam glanced at the date on his phone. "Tomorrow."
"Well go do what you need to do and call me when you get a change." They exchanged their goodbye and Adam peeled his cloths off and got in the shower.
Tommy had the right idea. After a long shower and a shave Adam felt much better. He still avoided looking at himself in the mirror, not wanting to see how pale he was getting.
When he got dressed he finally returned Kyle's calls and agreed to let him take him to Mitch's funeral the next day. Adam took Skeletor for a walk which he was extremely excited about. Adam felt bad for neglecting the poor thing and took him several extra times around the block even though his back was screaming for him to stop after the second pass.
When he got back inside he stretched out on his couch with his heating pad and flipped through the TV. The next thing he knew it was dark outside. With a sigh he got off the couch and went to take his meds. He knew he had to get up early for Mitch's funeral tomorrow so he took is prescribed sleeping pills and curled back in bed.
Kyle was knocking on his door when Adam came out of the bathroom the next morning. Kyle greeted him with a tight hug and Adam couldn't help by smile a little. Adam finished getting dressed and they climbed into Kyle's jeep.
Adam was able to hold back the tears until he was safely back in his house a few hours later. Kyle staid by his side and tried his best to comfort him. Adam finally calmed himself a hour later and sent Kyle home.
It was Saturday and Adam had his big appointment on Monday so he spent the rest of the day and most of the next trying to distract himself anyway he could. He had Kyle over for most of the day on Sunday and they tried making cookies while smoking out. Even if they turned out a bit on the soft side they still ate them happily. At night he talked to Tommy about his fears about the up coming appointment.
When Adam pulled himself out of bed on Monday morning he sent Tommy a text and getting words of encouragement in return. Adam smiled down at his phone before he made himself get up and get dressed.
When he got to the hospital he was poked, prodded, scanned, and x-rayed. He was told that his results should be back in two days and he left the hospital. He rode the bus home, staring blankly out the window. Two days. How the hell was he supposed to sleep knowing that his life was literally on the line here?
He didn't sleep at all that night. Tommy text him a few times but he didn't respond. He went to see Kathrine his therapist the next day and he felt really bad for blowing up at her.. but he just couldn't handle the bullshit babble anymore.
One day left. Adam called Kyle to see if he was still taking him to his appointment but he wasn't answering. Adam thought for a moment he remembered something about Kyle going to see his mom and he sighed knowing who he had to call.
Twenty minutes later Adam was still sitting on the couch listening to his mother. He loved her. He really did. But he was feeling smothered already. But he decided to take Kathrine's advice and at least try to talk to her.
After another twenty minutes there was a beep on his phone. He looked at his phone and it was Tommy leaving a text. After some convincing, his mom let him go with instructions to eat dinner and a list of things he needed to do for the next day.
'Let me know what's up as soon as you can.'
Adam looked at his phone for a long time before clearing the screen. He really didn't feel like talking right then so he sat his alarm and climbed into bed, hoping for at least a few hours of blissful oblivion.
The next morning Adam steeled himself for the next few hours with his mother. He loved her. He really did. She just was a bit much to deal with sometimes. When she honked outside his house Adam pulled on his beanie hat and met her at the curb. His dad was in the front seat looking slightly confused.
He greeted his mom with a hug and shook his dad's hand. It left a cold feeling in his gut to see his father like this. He slid into the back seat, replying to his mom whenever she asked something but otherwise, he stayed quite. His nerves were eating him alive. He didn't feel better, but what did he know? Was the chemo helping? Was he doomed to die? He could barley breath when they made it to the doctors office.
He tired to make peace with his mom. He hadn't been aware of how far he had pushed her away but he felt instantly sorry. He promised his mom he'd be there for her more. Though secretly he wasn't sure how much time he had left.
When the doctor came in he knew the news was going to be bad. His mom cried. He held her hand as his surgery was scheduled for the next week. He felt numb. Maybe this was what Kathrine was talking about when they first met. He couldn't process this information so he just shut down.
He was silent the whole ride home. When his mom dragged him into his house and made him attempt to eat dinner, he sat at the table and stared at the plate of food in front of him.
Finally his mother sighed and kissed him on the head before leaving him sitting by himself at his small kitchen table with a cold plate of food in front of him. Adam felt the tears well up in his eyes and he couldn't stop them. He rested his head in his hands and let the sobs tear out of his chest.
He cried for what felt like hours. He cried until he couldn't shed anymore tears and then he just sobbed until his chest hurt. He felt the vibration of his phone in his pocket and he suddenly remember he was supposed to let Tommy and Kyle know what was going on. Adam sat up and wiped his face, trying to pull himself together as best as he could.
'What's the news?'
Adam stared at his phone not knowing what to say. He started to type a message back but would delete it quickly. Nothing sounded right.
'Stop being a pussy. Tell me what the doctor said.'
Adam could hear the annoyance in the text, so he cracked his neck and started typing.
'I have to have surgery. The chemo wasn't working... I think I'm going to die.'
There was no reply for a while and Adam absently poked at the plate of spaghetti in front of him. Twenty minutes later his phone buzzed against the table.
'When is the surgery?'
'A week from Thursday. I have 8 days. God Tommy. What if I die on the table? What if the surgery doesn't work?' Adam knew he was sounding frantic but that was how he was feeling and Tommy seem to be the only person he could let know what was going on inside him.
'Keep calm. Go smoke some weed and don't panic. I'll talk to you soon. I have some things to arrange.' Adam sighed and did what Tommy suggested. He took his night time meds and smoked a bowl. It wasn't too long before he was dozing fitfully on the couch. He knew he needed to call Kyle but he just couldn't do it yet.
It was nearly midnight before he text Kyle to tell him the news. It was two hours later before he curled back up on the couch and fell back to sleep.
Tommy's hands shook slightly as he sat his phone down. He had just talked to Colt and told him he was going to be off for a while, that the friend he was visiting having surgery. He looked over at his packed duffle bag with his plane ticket sitting on top. His flight left in a few hours and he still wasn't sure what Adam's address was. He picked up his phone hoping he wasn't disturbing Adam.
'tell me your address.'
'Why?'
'Just tell me.' When Adam sent his address back he did a quick Google map before grabbing his bag and heading out the door. He walked the several blocks to the bus stop where he climbed on the next bus headed towards the airport.
Two connections later, Tommy walked into the nearly deserted airport. His flight was a red eye, but it'd get him in Seattle in the early morning. It was easy enough to get through security and soon he was dozing lightly on the half filled plane.
He managed about 2 hours of sleep on his 8 hour flight in between the chatty people behind him and the screaming baby two isle over. He was never so grateful to see the Seattle airport. He stepped off the plane just as the morning sun was starting to filter through the windows. He swayed a little as he waited for his bag to come through the claim, the small amount of sleep he had was hurting him more than helping.
Tommy stopped in the airport coffee shop and ordered an extremely strong coffee and sat to drink it and ate the overpriced muffin he bought. He was starting to feel unsure about his decision to come to Seattle and he pulled his phone out of his pocket, turning it back on. He didn't have any missed text but that wasn't a surprise. Adam was most likely still asleep, if he slept at all that night.
Tommy started to think up a plan as the caffeine started to hit his brain making his eyes feel a little less heavy. He threw his trash away and headed outside, hailing one of the waiting taxis. He piled his bag in the back and gave the cabby Adam's address. Tommy hoped Adam was alone. He knew that Adam hadn't told his friends and family about him and he didn't want to just walk in on him if he had someone there with him. He had a back up plan if he had someone there though. If there was a car out front he'd just ask the cabby to take him to the nearest hotel and he'd try again later. He wanted to surprise Adam not throw him into a awkward situation.
When they pulled onto a sleepy residential street after about 20 minutes, Tommy knew he was close. It was like he could almost feel Adam's presence all over the street. In his head he could see Adam walking though the sleepy streets. The cabby pulled over in front of a small one story house and Tommy's heart kicked up a beat in his chest. This was it. This was Adam's home. Somewhere he'd never really been invited to. He hoped again that he wasn't crossing some unspoken wasn't a car parked anywhere close to the house.
Tommy paid the cabby and grabbed his bag, climbing out onto the sidewalk. Moments later the cab pulled away and Tommy looked up and down the tree lined street then back at the house. All the curtains were pulled and the house was quite. Adam was probably asleep. He mentally kicked himself and pulled his bad up on his shoulder. He gave himself a mental shake and slowly started walking to the faded wooden steps.
His gut twisted as he moved up the creaky steps. Before he knew it he was standing in front of Adam's door. He took a deep breath and rang the door bell. Once again he hoped he had made the right decision coming here but it was too late to back out now.
After a few agonizing moments, small sounds of movement came from behind the door. Tommy shifted his weight and fought the sudden urge to run. Tommy's breath caught in his chest as the handled rattled.
When the door opened Tommy felt his gut hit the floor. It was Adam, but he looked horrible. His skin was pale and dry, his eyes were sunken with dark rings underneath, he was painfully thin, and Tommy could see old and new bruises standing out on his forearms. It took Tommy a minute to realize Adam was staring at him in shock, the look in his eye showed that he noticed Tommy's reaction.
"It's you." Adam whispered. He rubbed his eyes like he thought Tommy would disappear. Skeletor poked his head around the door curiously.
Tommy couldn't think of anything to say so he stepped forward and carefully pulled the smaller man into his arms. Adam stiffened for a moment but then melted into Tommy's arms. Tommy could feel Adam shaking and soon there were soft gasps, letting Tommy know that he was probably crying.
Tommy shushed him gently and as quickly as it started Adam's tears dried up. When he looked up at Tommy his face was red and Tommy knew he was feeling embarrassed and he gave him a grin before shifting his bag on his shoulder.
"Can I come in?" Tommy asked.
Adam nodded and reluctantly moved away and led Tommy into the house. Adam muttered that he should take a seat so Tommy sat awkwardly on the couch that was still warm and pet the odd looking dog that was crawling into his lap. Adam walked towards his bed room and pulled his shirt over his head. Before he disappeared into his room Tommy could see the large bruise on his side.
Alarmed, Tommy left his bag and the dog on the couch and followed Adam. "Where did that come from?" Tommy asked leaning against the door frame.
Adam looked down at himself and sighed. "Apparently I sleep on my right side a lot and it started bruising from the pressure. On the plus side of everything I don't have to do chemo anymore." Adam's voice sounded tired, he looked tired.
Tommy moved into the room and placed a hand on Adam's shoulder. He was relieved to find the skin warm beneath his fingers. "Get in bed. You need to rest."
Adam glanced from Tommy's hand to his face before nodding. "I'm being a horrible host and you've only been here 10 minutes."
"Don't worry about me. You rest. I'll stretch out on couch and catch a few as well. I've had a long sleepless flight. If that's OK?"
"Of course." Adam looked almost offended that Tommy was even thinking about not staying.
Tommy smiled and pulled off Adam's beanie, giving his bald head a rub. Adam chuckled and smacked Tommy's hand away. Moments later, Adam was changed out of yesterdays cloths and Tommy was helping him pull the covers over. Tommy grinned as Skeletor jumped on the bed and curled up next to Adam, who scratched him on the ears.
"Gets some rest." Tommy whispered, standing from the bed and returning to the living room. He looked around the house for a moment, letting himself get acquainted with the different rooms. He paused in front of the all too familiar painting now hanging destroyed in the hall. Tommy chuckled and shook his head before he went back to the living room and flopped on the surprisingly comfortable couch. Tommy tried not to think of how his mother had looked in her last day as he closed his eyes, reminding himself that Adam had just been through months of chemo therapy which was known for making you look rough.
Tommy started planning out what he was going to do to help Adam and before long he tuned his head into the cushion and fell asleep with his nose filled with Adam's scent.