Chapter 12

Adam jerked awake and looked around. He wasn't immediately sure what had woke him but as soon as he noticed Tommy's labored breathing next to him, he knew that was it. Adam sat up slowly and looked down at the other man, his face was buried into the pillow, and beads of sweat gathered on his brow before rolling down his cheek. Adam's heart sank as Tommy twitched violently, obviously in the throws of a nightmare.

"Tommy?" Adam whispered, reaching out to touch his hand. Tommy jerked away from the touch but didn't wake. Adam called his name again a little louder. Finally he reached up and shook Tommy's clammy shoulder firmly and shouted his name.

Tommy's eyes shot open and locked on Adam, and for a split second Adam was relieved. Right up until he was pinned in a awkward angle to the bed, Tommy's forearm pressed across his windpipe.

"Tommy stop!" Adam wheezed out fighting against the bigger man. Adam looked into Tommy's eyes and knew that even tho they were open Tommy wasn't really awake.

Adam pulled at Tommy's arm as his vision started to get gray around the edges and for a moment, Adam had a thought that Tommy might kill him. Seconds later Tommy jerked away from him, throwing himself against the headboard.

"Oh god. Adam. I'm-" Tommy stammered, covering his mouth and looking pointedly away from Adam who was pulling his legs out from under himself.

"Tommy," Adam gasped reaching for the other man's hand. Tommy jerked away from his fingers and Adam felt his heart break. Tommy had told him about his PTSD, about his nightmares, but it hadn't really registered. "Tommy. It's me; Adam. It's OK."

Adam moved slowly and reached again for Tommy's hand. This time he only startled, but allowed the touch. Adam gently brushed his fingers against the back of Tommy's hand before traveling up his arm and very so slowly wrapping his arms around the other man. He could feel Tommy shaking slightly and he just squeezed him tighter.

It seemed like an eternity had passed before he felt Tommy's arms tentatively wrap around him. He heard the other man sniff before turning his face into the crook of Adam's neck, his breathing coming in deep shuttering breaths.

Adam tangled his fingers in Tommy's hair and gently started smoothing his fingers down his rigid back. A few moments later the tension started to bleed out of the other man and Adam pulled back to place a kiss against Tommy's temple.

"Hey, you OK?" Adam asked, pushing wild strands of hair off Tommy's forehead.

"I should be asking you that." Tommy muttered, still not meeting his eye.

"I'm fine. Now lay down." Adam whispered.

"Adam.." Tommy started, his gray eyes red rimmed as they watched him lay back on the bed.

Adam shushed him and pulled Tommy by the arm until he relented and let the smaller man wrap his arms around him.

Adam held Tommy until his breathing evened out and Adam was grateful that the demons that were haunting him seemed to be taking a break.

It was only two hours later when Adam woke again. Tommy was still sleeping peacefully, but no matter how hard Adam tried, he couldn't fall back asleep. There was a tightness in Adam's chest that was bothering him, that seemed to only ease when he would take a deep breath. He felt antsy.

After another hour of watching the daylight slowly creep across the ceiling, Adam gave up on sleep and limped into the kitchen to put on some coffee. As soon as Adam sat down at the table with his cup he heard Tommy's shuffling steps as he came out of the bedroom.

Tommy came around the corner, not to subtly scratching himself, his hair standing out all over his head, he gave Adam a hesitant grin as he moved to pour himself some coffee. Adam grinned back as Tommy came to sit at the table.

Adam grabbed his pill bottles with a sigh and started sorting out his different dosages. "I'm not going to make you talk about last night if you don't want to but I really wish you'd talk. I'm more than willing to listen."

"It's nothing." Tommy muttered into his coffee.

"My sore throat says that it's not." Adam swallowed his pills with a mouthful of nearly too hot coffee and winced.

"I'm... I'm really sorry about that. It's been a long time sense I've shared a bed with someone..I didn't know that would happen." Tommy pointedly avoided meeting Adam's eye.

"It's OK..."

"No it's not OK. I could have hurt you" Tommy's eyes flared as he met his eyes.

"Tommy.. I was in the wrong. I knew better than to startle you awake. I've read up on PTSD and I just wasn't thinking. I just wanted.." Adam coughed and turned to look out the window. "I wanted to make your bad dream go away."

Tommy's eyes soften and he slumped in his chair. "You did research on PTSD?"

"Yeah. I mean.. it's not like I don't have time on my hands." Adam reached out and brushed his fingers across the back of Tommy's hand and he grinned taking his fingers between his.

"How are you feeling?" Tommy asked.

"Alright I guess.. I feel...weird."

"'Weird' how?"

"It's nothing. I just feel off is all."

Tommy nodded silently and stood, moving the the fridge to gather the ingredients for breakfast.

Tommy was thankfully nightmare free for the next two nights. He had offered to sleep on the couch that next night but was met with a thrown pillow and a demand that he "get his ass in bed and cuddle damn it".

Adam probably didn't notice how edgy he was getting but Tommy did. As each day passed and the surgery got closer and closer Adam spent more time at his parents house and when he was at home he was like a thread being pulled tighter and tighter.

Tommy did what he could to help. He had noticed that Adam wasn't sleeping well and would fall asleep randomly through out the day. The night before he insisted that Adam soak in a hot bath and when he came to check on the other man half an hour later he found Adam sleeping in the tub. Tommy had nudged him awake, dried him off and helped him to his Pjs before dumping him into bed.

Two days before the surgery Adam had finally told Kyle that he really needed to be left alone for a little while and Tommy had patted him on the back before packing the other man a bowl and flipping on one of the more visually interesting HD movies he found at the local video store.

Adam sat silently watching I Robot with glazed over eyes. Tommy could tell by his posture that his back must be hurting him. He was sitting leaning to the right and his torso was held stiffly. Tommy didn't wait for Adam to ask before he grabbed the heating pad, bringing it back and tucking it behind Adam's back.

Adam gave him a grateful smile and a quite 'thank you' but fell silent once again. Tommy understood his silence and sat back to watch the movie as well. They sat in comfortable silence for the entire movie.

When the movie ended Adam Struggled to his feet and headed towards the kitchen. After a handful of steps Tommy saw Adam's left leg start to give out.

He moved quickly to his feet but wasn't able to reach Adam before he collapsed on the floor. Tommy skidded on his knees and started checking over the cursing pile of limbs in front of him.

"Tommy, I'm fine. Please. Please just..back off." Adam's voice was strained as he pulled himself to a sitting position.

Tommy grumbled but reluctantly sat back on his heels and watched as the other man tried to get back on his feet. After watching Adam nearly fall two more times, Tommy cursed and stood, pulling Adam up with him.

When Adam didn't make a move to pull his feet under him Tommy let him sit back on the floor and rubbed his hand over the smaller man's back.

It wasn't a few moments before he felt Adam start to shake as ragged sobs started ripping from his chest. Tommy pulled him into his arms and leaned against the wall, letting Adam's back lay against his chest.

"Breath." He whispered smoothing the other man's hair from his face. Adam's chest heaved as he tried to draw in a deep breath. It was becoming quickly apparent that Adam was in the grips of a panic attack, his heart was racing in his chest, and Tommy pulled the other man firmly against him, pulling his knees up along his sides and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing gently.

"Adam, listen to my voice and try to make your breathing match mine." Tommy spoke softly as he took several deep breaths. "In, out."

After a few moments he felt Adam's breathing start to slow and sync with his own, it was a while longer before his heart beat slowed. Adam sat helplessly in Tommy's arms, tears now flowing freely down his face.

Tommy pressed his cheek against Adam's letting the coolness of his skin sink into the other man's burning tear slicked skin. Slowly Adam's hand reached up and tangled in Tommy's hair, not letting him pull away.

"Adam, I need you to listen to me. Can you do that?" Tommy asked softly. He felt Adam nod, his cheek sliding against Tommy's. "Your having a panic attack. It seems to be passing over but I need you to let me get you to bed."

Adam nodded again, reluctantly letting go of Tommy's hair and letting the other man shift and slip an arm under his legs. Adam cried out and clung to Tommy as he was lifted off the ground. Tommy carried him easily to the bed room where he sat him down on the edge of the bed before pulling off Adam's t-shirt.

Tommy attempted to make sure that there wasn't any clothing that would feel restrictive before he went to wet a few washcloths with cool water. When he came back into the bedroom Adam had laid back on the bed, his breath still coming a bit to rough for Tommy's liking and a bright red flush had broke out across his face and torso.

Tommy's chest felt tight as he helped the smaller man fully on the bed before wiping his face with a cool cloth. Adam sighed unconsciously leaning into the touch as Tommy tried to cool down his flushed face. When he was done he draped another cool cloth over Adam's chest.

Tommy sat next to the other man until his eyes drifted shut. Once Adam was asleep he tucked him into bed, pulling him close against his chest. Tommy staid up that night watching over Adam.