Subject: Edward Cullen aka the Womanizer
Chapter Nineteen – Ghosts
I washed her body free of the blood that had stained her pale skin. She kept drifting in and out consciousness, and I felt so out of my element. While I removed her under garments beneath the shower, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to help her alone. I had to call her family.
As I dried her off, she watched my movements with a stoic stare. She appeared to be lost in her mind, only moving as I positioned her. It was so freaking unnerving and unlike anything that I knew of her to be.
I laid her on her unmade bed, finding one of my t-shirts amongst the sheets. She had sleeping with them even after I had left her. It was a way to keep me close, despite what I had to her.
If I hadn't left her, maybe the shooting wouldn't have happened. She wouldn't have been down there when it happened since we carpool. I shook the thoughts from my mind, because I knew it would do me no good to wish I'd done things differently.
As gently as I had washed her, I dressed her. Bella sat limply in my arms, still lost inside of her head. At that point, I wasn't sure what I could possibly say to make it better. I was at a loss of words and only could provide what I knew I'd want if the situation was reversed. Comfort.
After I cleaned up as quickly as possible, I laid down beside her. With her in my arms, I hummed a soft lullaby until her breathing slowed and steadied. The same lullaby she had inspired but had turned melancholy during our separation. She stared past toward the wall behind me, her eyes were unnaturally vacant. After a couple of hours, she succumbed to her exhaustion.
Once I was sure she'd stay asleep, I went to find clothes since mine were either covered Daniel's blood or wet from the shower. There was no way I'd leave her for a moment in her condition. With my cell phone in hand, I had decided to call Alice to get me some clothes. While I waited for her to answer, I looked in the top drawer of Bella's dresser and some of my clothes. Even after two weeks, she still kept them there.
Without leaving a voicemail, I quickly dressed and decided I needed to call Nessie first. I needed her and Jordan to help me deal with the situation. I noticed Bella's cell phone on the dresser and grabbed it, closing the door behind me.
I found Nessie's number and took a few deep breaths, trying to find the words to get her to understand the severity of the situation. "Hey, cuz," Nessie answered pleasantly.
I sighed because I was about to ruin her good mood. "Nessie, this is Edward."
"What are you doing with her phone? Did something happen to her again?" Nessie's voice quickly spiraled to a panicked tone.
"Calm down, Nessie. You should sit down for this."
"Spit it out, you're killing me here," Nessie cried.
"Do you remember that patient we told you about, the one that showed up before you came that night for dinner?"
"Yes."
"Well he showed up with a gun this morning," I started. She gasped before I continued. "She's fine physically. Daniel shot himself but she saw everything."
"Fuck." I could hear the sound of an engine revving and horns blaring in the background.
"Where is she now?" Once I told her she'd fallen asleep, she continued. "Don't leave for her too long, she'll have nightmares. Make sure she eats. If she goes into that blank-look state, shake her gently out of it. Keep her talking. I'm in Forks, so I'll go pick up Jordan. We'll be there in a few hours."
"All right," I said, trying to clear my head, anxiously running my hand through my hair. "I'll do the best I can."
"Oh and Edward," she said, accompanied with the squeal of tires. Jesus, was she driving? "The police may want her files. Don't hand them over unless they have a court order." Can Bella lose her license because of this?
"And Edward, you have your work cut out for you now." With that said, Nessie hung up.
As I forced myself to drink something to soothe my dry-cracked throat, I heard a knock at the door. Behind the door were Officer Davis and a man in a suit, another cop I was sure. Bella couldn't talk, and I wasn't about to let them make an attempt. "Officer Davis, it's not a good time."
"I know, Mr. Cullen. I need your clothing and we'll set up a time to talk to her later," Officer Davis clarified. I nodded and let him in with the other man following closely. "Mr. Cullen, this is Detective Gomez." I nodded curtly, hoping to convey that the conversation he wanted to have with Bella or myself would not happen yet.
"The clothing you're looking for is in the bathroom." I led the way through the short hall and noticed the detective had remained behind, looking around the living area. His eyes lingered on the bookshelves. I gestured toward the bathroom to Officer Davis and held back to watch the detective. Office Davis immediately snapped on a pair of latex gloves and went to work on gathering our clothes.
When the detective made a move toward Bella's bookshelves, I cleared my throat so he'd realized I was watching him. He looked at me for a moment and then went back to look at the shelves. He scanned the covers, looking more closely at some of the framed photos.
"They had a professional relationship. Nothing more," I said firmly. He nodded but remained near the shelves. It was then when Bella started to scream from her bedroom. I found her sitting up in bed, screaming at her hands and tears flowing down her cheeks.
"Edward," she cried out holding out her hands. "The blood is still there. I can feel it."
"No, baby, no," I whispered, pulling her into my arms. "It's all gone."
"No, all their blood is in my hands," she cried and sobbed against my chest, "Jordan's, Brianna's, and now Daniel's." She grasped my t-shirt tight in her hands and pulled me closer.
"It's all right, love," I whispered, rocking her and holding her as close as possible. My heart ached with every sob that echoed within the walls of her bedroom. .
"Ms. Swan?" Detective Gomez asked from the doorway. I glared at him while a growl resonated in my chest. He wasn't about to try to talk to her when she was in no condition to do anything but scream and cry. It didn't matter, because Bella was lost again. Her sobs and cries stopped and she went limp in my arms.
I cried out in anguish, pulling her closer. So fucking close that I could feel her heart as it beat frantically in her chest. Nose buried in her hair, I anchored myself with her warmth and her scent. She was safe physically, but emotionally I had lost her. I had no clue what to do.
"Detective Gomez and I are leaving, Edward," Office Davis said, leading Detective Gomez out of the bedroom. "We'll be back later."
I wanted to show them out to make sure that fucking Gomez character wouldn't mess with Bella's things. However, I couldn't leave her. Instead, I held on to her small body, humming and whispering my love for her.
Once the officers were gone, I called my aunt and Alice. They were heading over as soon as possible, I needed the support. We needed the support.
I continued to hum, hoping to stop her from trembling in her sleep. Almost twenty minutes after she'd awoken, she gasped suddenly and looked up at me. Confusion was so clear on her face and had her pulling away.
"What are you doing here, Edward?"
It was my turn to be confused. "Baby, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I reached out for her but she held up her hand.
"I told you not to pressure me, Edward." She looked down at her body then at me. Her brows furrowed and she shook her head.
"Did I let you in last night?" she asked as she jumped out of bed. I followed and stepped cautiously toward her.
Oh god, she repressed the memory. It was the only conclusion that made sense. "Bella it's Monday," I said in a whisper.
Her eyes widened, her lip tortured by her teeth. "I don't understand. I saw you Friday. What the hell happened?" She shook her head and ran down the hallway.
I followed, seeing her fall to her knees once she reached the bathroom. Wary that I might cause her to run from me again, I slowly stepped closer. I knelt a foot away, watching her. A pale hand shook as she reached to touch the cold, hard tile. An extended fingertip touched something on the tile by the shower, blood.
Her body swayed and hit the floor, her breathing laborious and her body was racked with sobs. I wrapped my body around hers, holding her close. It seemed to be the only thing I could fucking do!
"Please tell me what to do!" I cried out.
She hurt, I hurt. Seeing in such a state was breaking me. Soft keening sounds left her lips in tune with the sobs and trembles of her body. Once I carried her to the living room sofa, I sat with her in my lap on the couch. Lost in my need to care for her, I failed to hear someone at the door.
Alice knelt down beside us and brushed some hair from Bella's face. She whispered something to her and Bella responded with a nod.
Alice looked at me with sad tear-filled eyes. "She needs some water and wants some clothes."
The moment I made to place Bella beside me on the couch, she screamed. Soft hands fisted around shirt, her face nuzzling my neck. Alice looked startled and patted my shoulder as I pulled Bella into my arms.
In her bedroom, I placed her on the bed. I rummaged through her drawer and found suitable clothing. Once I was satisfied with my choices, I held them out for her to change. However, she only stared at them blankly.
"Baby, I'm going to help you get into your clothes," I whispered, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. On my knees before her, I slid a pair of panties up her legs. Unsure of what else to do, I chose to continue talking to her.
"Alice and Esme are waiting outside for us," I whispered, hoping for a response. She nodded and lifted her bottom long enough for me to finish with her underwear. Her pants were a little easier since she stood up and rested her hands on my shoulders to keep herself steady. I kissed her forehead after she was dressed, took her hand, and I led her back into the living room.
When we reached the room, Bella wobbled and fell against my side. I snaked my arm around her waist, watching as tear after tears fell silently down her cheeks. For a moment, I closed my eyes to gather my own emotions. It was going to take some time to get her past this.
Once she was settled on the couch, I knelt in front of her to get a better look at her face. "Baby, did you eat anything this morning?" I tucked another errant strand of hair from her face.
She frowned and shook her head. "Just coffee," she said through a sniff.
"You need to eat, love," I said, turning to my aunt for help.
"We'll make something, Edward," Esme said. I nodded and sat beside Bella, thankful that they were here to help.
"Can you find me my phone, please?" Bella asked, looking at me with her doe like eyes.
Her cordless phone sat in its charger on a table near the front door. Before I moved too far, she wrapped her hand around my wrist. She settled her forehead against my stomach and released a small sigh.
"Why?" she whispered.
"I don't know," I said while I stroked through her hair.
"I ruin everyone I touch."
I pulled her up and wrapped my arms tight around her. "Baby, no. You don't do that," I whispered against her hair. "You touch everyone you know in their hearts."
"Brianna, she was my best friend and she's gone. Jordan, my brother got shot because I was friends with her. Daniel was part of my responsibility and I couldn't save him."
"Brianna loved you and your brother loves you. Daniel was too far gone. You said yourself that he's been turned away so many times."
"But it was my job to help him."
"You've helped so many others. Like I said before, you touch everyone you meet with your heart. You reach out and touch everyone. And they're all better for it."
"Bella, he's right. You're such a loving person. You convinced me that I was ready for a baby. You did the same for Rosie and Emmett. Look what you've done with Edward."
Alice smiled, handing Bella a glass of water. Her hand trembled as she took the glass. After a few short sips she closed her eyes.
"I need to make a phone call," Bella whispered. "He had said that he hurt her and I need to check on her."
She requested privacy and I told her that we'd be in the kitchen if she needed anything. Alice and my aunt busied themselves with the dishes. I tried so hard not to listen in on Bella's conversation.
"Sharon?" I heard from where she sat. "Yes, it's me." She was silent for a moment, and I looked at her from across the room, tears rolling down her face. Her eyes met mine and with a little wave from her, I joined her. While she listened to Daniel's wife, she climbed into my lap. Relief that she wanted me to provide her more comfort, I wrapped my arms around her.
"I know, but it's…I tried so hard," Bella said as I wiped her tears. With a small smile, Alice handed me a box of tissues before she returned to the kitchen. "I'm so sorry." Bella's sobs broke for a few second, still listening. "Umm, he mentioned that he hurt you, but I don't want to pry. I just want to make sure you're all right."
After a few minutes of talking and listening, she ended the call. "I'll see you tomorrow. Good-bye." She placed the phone beside us and laid her head on my shoulder.
"Is she all right, love?" I asked against her hair.
"She said that she managed to fight him off," she said softly. "I had showed her some self-defense moves as a precaution. I'm just relieved that I don't have to have his death and her rape on my conscious." She snuggled closer, kissing just below my ear. I exhaled sharply since I hadn't expected it.
"Bella, Edward, I made some breakfast," Esme called from the kitchen.
We made our way to the kitchen slowly since Bella was till unsteady. Esme had breakfast for both Bella and me on the kitchen island. We each sat in a stool and Bella gave Esme a small smile. "Thank you, Esme. It looks delicious."
"Anything I can do to help." Esme smiled, her eyes saddened slightly. I knew what she must be feeling. She liked feeling useful; it had been a long time since she'd had to cook for anyone beside my father. Seeing Bella in her state had to bring up memories of when my I lost my parents, of her sister.
I gestured to Alice to come closer and whispered in her ear, "Can you clean up the bathroom? There's still some blood there, but not a lot. The cleaning supplies over the washing machine." Both my aunt and Alice left to help with the bathroom.
Bella and I continued to eat in silence. However, Bella was barely eating and only moving food around. "Please eat," I said firmly. She already seemed weak and faint, she had to eat.
"Why are you here, Edward?" she asked, placing her fork down and looking at me with soft glistening eyes.
"I told you Friday that I was sorry. I want to be here," I said, hoping the emotions on my face told her that I still loved her. That I had never stopped while I was gone.
"You hurt me," she whispered.
"I know. I was stupid. I thought if—if I wasn't part of your personal life that something like what happened that night would never happen to you again."
"That is stupid. Your heart was in the right place but at the same time, your head was up your ass. You know that, right?" I nodded. "To make matters worse, it was terrible seeing you every day. I couldn't touch you, really talk to you, kiss you or hold you. You were within reach, but every time I wanted to come closer, you'd step away. It was torture."
The anguish was so clear in her eyes. The pain I had caused etched in every feature on her face.
"I was selfish," I said desperately. "It was my way of keeping you close enough so I can still look after you. Then you were so different, it confused me more."
"I didn't make easy for you, did I?" She looked over the rim of her glass as she sipped some orange juice. Thankful to see her eating, I continued to talk.
"No, what was that about?" I asked, remembering the curt nods, the cold "sir" and the blank emotionless face.
"I thought if I wasn't myself, that I would push your buttons," she said thoughtfully. She laughed at my confused expression, pressing a fingertip between my eyebrows. "Then you'd snap out of it."
"It worked," I growled. "I hated to see you like that."
It scared me that she seemed to know so much about me and knew exactly what it would take to get me worked up. When she gave me a coy, innocent little smile, I laughed. I was happy to see her act more like herself.
When we finished with our breakfast, I picked up our plates to wash. After I finished at the sink, I turned to find Bella, staring off again. Though her breathing was slow and steady, her face was etched with pain and unresponsive to the call of her name.
Desperate to reach her, I carried her back to the couch and had her sit in my lap. "Bella," I whispered in her ear. No response. "Baby." Nothing. Nessie had said to try talking to her out of this state she was in. I hoped our usual banter would work.
"I haven't been to the gym since we were last there together," I said with a chuckle. "I think I lost some muscle tone."
Relief coursed through me when the corners of her lips twitched to a half smile. "I didn't go either and lost weight. Ugh," she mumbled.
"Well, I probably gained it eating nothing but fast food," I teased, patting my stomach.
"Well, you do eat like a pig sometimes." She poked my stomach with a finger. I feigned mock pain, clutching where she poked me.
"Ha! Only your food, love," I said, kissing her forehead.
"I missed you," she said fiercely, grabbing a fistful of my shirt in her hand.
I tsked in mock disbelief to lighten the mood. "Not as much as I missed you."
"I don't think that's possible," she whispered, settling her head in the crook of my neck again.
"You can't comprehend how much I love you." She needed to understand that I was with her and that I wasn't going anywhere. She needed to understand that I loved her and I would always.
"What do you mean I can't comprehend? Is that your way of saying that you love me more?" Her teasing eyes met mine, her bottom lip protruding in an attractive pout. She knew exactly what that look did to me. I pulled up her chin, caressing her lip with my thumb.
I thought for a moment, trying to find the words that could explain my love for her. "Your love for me fills a lake," I stated, hugging her closer to me. "But the love I feel for you would fill the world's oceans and spill a thousand times over."
Her smile was soft and unassuming. As if she couldn't believe me. "That's impossible." Tears filled her eyes. She laid a kiss on my lips and I closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth and sweetness that she was gave me.
I tightened my arms around her. "I know what I know."
"You're a know-it-all then?" Bella teased, running her fingertips along my jaw.
"I'm the know-it-all?" I laughed, "Ha, that's you, my love."
Bella giggled, "I know." I joined her little fit of giggles. All too soon she stopped, looking thoughtful, perhaps determined.
"Later tonight we need to talk," she said softly. There something in her eyes that indicated that there was a warning in her words. I nodded in agreement but for a few moments, I dreaded whatever she had to tell me.
We decided to change into more suitable clothes since Bella's family would soon arrive
"You kept my clothes," I said, though it was said more like a question.
"I was confident that you'd come to your senses. She shrugged, going through her drawer.
"That must've made it easier for you," I replied. "To have that much confidence in what I would do."
"I could see what you felt in your eyes. It was only a matter of time."
"Then why did you turn me away Friday night?" I asked confused.
"We'll talk about it later, Edward."
Whatever held her back Friday night had to do with the talk she wanted to have later. I feared it. When she walked into the lit walk-in closet to dress, I sighed. I knew it would take some time to get back to us. Normally she would've changed with me in the same room, for some reason she wasn't ready for that. I understood. I hurt her. I hadn't expected for it to be busy, but in the long run she'd be worth it.
Once I was dressed, I made my way to the closet to wait for her. After several minutes, I knew something was wrong. "Bella, are you okay?" I asked, knocking on the door.
My answer was only silence. I chanced a peek. The scene before me broke my heart. On the floor, Bella sat with her knees were against her chest and her arms wrapped around them. It was all it took to understand that she was lost again. I wrapped my arms and legs around her, rocking her gently as she cried. I hummed the still nameless unfinished tune.
Time seemed to matter little as we remained in the closet, only made aware when there was a knock on the door. "Come in," I called out. I watched tear after tear fall from each of Bella's brown eyes as I held her close.
Nessie appeared beside me, looking at me with saddened eyes. Words were stubbornly caught in my throat, but in my mind there was a plea I wanted to express. Please help me help her.
"Bella," Nessie whispered, brushing hair from Bella's forehead. "Come join us in the living room." Bella's eyes widened with recognition. Instantly, she wiped at her tears and pulled from my embrace. I helped her to her feet, wondering about the sudden change.
In the living room, her brother waited for us. I hoped that he wouldn't choose that moment to air out any grief with me. It wasn't the fucking time.
"You came," Bella whispered with her gaze on Jordan.
"Of course, we all did." Jordan clarified. Bella looked to see that our entire family was there.
"Well in that case, let's get some lunch together. You must be starving." Bella gave her brother a small smile and walked toward the kitchen before he could respond. What the fuck was going on?
Jordan shook his head and looked at me. "She's used to taking care of others before taking care of herself. She's sees what we're trying to do and she's not going to let us take care of her. She'll put a mask up until we're gone." He sighed, closing his eyes for several moments. "I'd like to kick your ass but she's going to need you. I'm sure she won't let any of us stay besides you."
"Nothing I say, any excuse could justify the pain I obviously caused her," I said thoughtfully. "I'll live for the rest of my life knowing that I could've prevented all of this."
"Yeah," he said, running a hand over his face and his reddened eyes. "I know all about what guilt does to someone. Do yourself a favor, try to get over it." He spun in his chair and rolled toward the kitchen. The emotional turmoil of what Bella and her brother had gone through and continue to go through hit me hard at that moment.
How could a person deal with that kind of shit in their head?
Nessie sighed beside me and gave me a little hug. "As I said, you have some work to do. Can you handle it?"
I shrugged my shoulders, allowing this little moment of comfort for myself. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for her."
The family sat together quietly through a simple lunch, but Bella hadn't joined any of the discussions around the table. Sometime had passed before the authorities arrived to talk with Bella and me.
We managed some privacy when the rest of the family waited in the living room. Detective Gomez waltzed right into the dining room, followed by a sympathetic Officer Davis. Bella took a seat at the head of the table, and I sat on her right. Davis and Fuck-face Gomez sat across from me.
Davis cleared his throat and glanced quickly at Douche Gomez before looking at Bella. "Ms. Swan, we'd like to ask a few questions and also need you to tell us about the event that occurred this morning."
Bella told the whole event in perfect detail, though in a detached tone with her eyes on something across the room. Officer Davis questioned my involvement in the event. When I told him that I was speaking with Bella on the phone Gomez interrupted.
"Mr. Cullen," my named said in distaste, "We're aware of an incident that occurred a few weeks ago here in Ms. Swan's apartment. In what way were you involved during that incident?"
Of course they were fucking aware. Hello, we called for your partner here to help deal with it, fuck-face. I cleared my throat before I answered, "I didn't want Bella to face him alone after what I witnessed before. He wasn't supposed to be here so I joined her in the hallway, while she spoke with him."
"Witnessed before?" Cocksucker Gomez stated like a fucking question, cocking a bushy brow. What the fuck was this asshole's problem? Since I met him earlier he'd been giving me the damn stink eye. I groaned when I remembered Elena, someone I hooked up with before who had a brother at the precinct nearby. Why me?
I gulped and the fucker had the nerve to smile smugly. He knew I figured it out. I chose to ignore him because it wasn't important at the moment. I looked over at Bella, who nodded minutely for me to answer the cocky detective.
"The first encounter I had with Daniel was at deli downtown when he approached Bella. He made me a little nervous since she warned him that he had to stop following her. We had dinner plans for that night after her session with Daniel and I arrived early." I ran my hand through my hair, hit with a sudden headache. "When I arrived, I heard her scream for him to get off her and I rushed in to help."
"What did you do to Daniel, Mr. Cullen?" Gomez asked.
"That is enough, gentleman," Bella said firmly. Davis cocked an eyebrow in her direction.
"I'll give you a section of his file that will explain in detail each of those encounters. As for going down to the station we'll both be there tomorrow morning. We'll sign whatever needed," she said as she stood up, "After our lawyers look at it. I'll be right back."
Davis and Gomez scrambled to get up from the chairs as she left. She asked for us to wait while the retrieved the file from her room. Of course, everyone in the living room was quiet, likely listening in the entire time.
Alice and Nessie followed Bella into the room. There was something else going on, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
Bella
I walked into my bedroom, followed by Alice, who I was still fucking mad at. She knew it, too. Nessie was no fucking better. I just wanted them fucking gone. I didn't need them right now. I knew what they were doing and it pissed me off to no end.
They knew I couldn't kick them out without explaining to Edward why I was upset with them. That explanation would just fucking blowup everything.
"What the hell do you two want?" I hissed, walking to my sock drawer and pulled out my file cabinet key.
"Bella, please don't be mad at us," Alice whispered. I chose at that time to look at her and I shouldn't have because she was crying. "We were only doing what we thought was best for you and Edward."
Fuck. Guilt ridden, I looked away before my resolve crumbled.
"Bella, please listen," Nessie said from behind me. "You're going through a lot right now and we just want to help you."
I made my way to the hidden fireproof filing cabinet behind fake radiator cover. The pleading tone my cousin's voice had taken just made me angrier. Fuck. I didn't need this shit.
For the past two weeks, all I felt was sadness. An emotion that I was damn tired of. I needed to feel anger. Anger wasn't an emotion to fear when you wanted to escape the sadness and the grief. Anger was an escape for me, albeit not a healthy one. Though, it was all I had for weeks. I had been angry at them since that night at the club when they told me that I was played, that this was a setup.
"Listen Alice… Nessie… and could you please inform Jacob so I don't have to repeat myself. You fucking set up his whole thing between me and Edward for your own purposes. Alice, you wanted your once loving cousin back, yes. But you also wanted Jasper to stop wanting to go to the club with Edward. You wanted Jasper home so you can start your family. Nessie and Jacob, yes you wanted me happy, but they also wanted me to settle down so they can begin their life together. This to me sounds more like a damn excuse and cold feet." I took a deep breath and pulled out Daniel's file.
I knew their reasoning, but it didn't make a difference. They ruined a chance of real love and happiness.
"You know what's worse? If you hadn't fucking interfered, Edward and I would've met on our own. We lived one building away from one another, we were attending the same gym and I was already planning on contacting his company to help with my project." I shook my head at the possibilities that would never happen.
"We're sorry, Bella. We didn't know about where you lived until after we hired you. We just wanted you both happy." Alice looked at me with big, tear-filled eyes.
"Don't, Alice," I said, slamming the closet door closed. "I'm telling him tonight."
"No!" they both said loudly in unison. "Bella, you can't. You can't handle this and losing Edward," Nessie said pleadingly.
I sighed. They were of course right, but I couldn't prolong it any longer. It would be easier if I did it before it was harder to let go. When he left weeks earlier, it felt as if my heart was ripped from my chest. But I knew he still loved me and so I trudged through the pain. The truth, however, could make him hate me. Not that I blamed him.
I shook my head and walked out of my bedroom. I was pissed and I wasn't in the mood to fucking talk anymore. I handed the file to Davis, ignoring the prick named Gomez. "It's not his whole file of course," I said firmly. "For that you'd have to request a court order, but you'll find all the incidents I've had with Daniel that have crossed the line." I ushered them to the door and held it open. "We'll be down to the station tomorrow."
Edward
The tension in the room is palpable as Bella showed the two cops out. Alice and Nessie retreated from the bedroom and embraced their significant others. They both looked as if they'd been crying. What the hell happened in that room?
Bella literally pushed the cops out the door. The family and I watched as she walked to the nearest wall, leaned against it, then slid down until she sat on the floor. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.
"Get out," she whispered as she rested her forehead on her knees. No one moved. "Get out," she said more firmly.
"We're not leaving," Jordan said, moving a little closer to her.
"Get out!" Bella roared at her brother then looked at each person, including me.
"Bella," I whispered as I tried to take a few steps toward her.
"No," she gasped, holding up her hand. "Please go. All. Of. You. I have so much pent up anger, grief and shit that I've been hiding behind for too fucking long and I don't want to say something I'll regret. So please just go."
"Bells," Jacob said from across the room.
"Ahhhh!" Bella lifted her face, flushed and her chest heaved with laborious breaths. "Damn it. Why won't you listen! All right then. Here you go. I'm fucking pissed right now. I have so much shit in my head that it's slowly driving me insane. I have seen more fucked up shit in the last six years than most people ever seen in their entire lives. I saw my best friend wield a gun. I saw my brother covered in blood, dying." She sobbed, trying to catch her breath. "I saw my best friend shoot herself in the damn head." More sobs racked savagely through her body. "Come on people, I had pieces of skull on my clothes. You have any idea what's that's like?" She screamed, gasping periodically while her whole body trembled.
My hand rubbed at the ache in my chest, my other wiped at the tears that welled in my own eyes. The rest of the family was in the same state of despair, because the pain radiated from Bella. Jordan had a pained look on his face as he stared back at his sister.
"Then I have to go to a morgue almost a year later on my birthday to indentify my dead parents. At the same time, I had to deal with my brother that had given up on living. That I have to take care of. It's my job to make sure that no one else goes through what I went through, what he went through. I have to deal with someone trying to kill me. Then the one person that I believed to be the love of my life, fucking leaves me."
I winced as I watched Bella, who was no longer crying, but looked angry. Bella looked at Alice as she continued. "I find out that people I trusted betrayed me, which makes me a hypocrite." She looked back down to the floor and laughed darkly. "Yeah. I'm fucking peachy."
For several moments she remained quiet then rose to her feet. "Then there is of course the event of this morning, where I watched a man that reminded me of my brother blow is fucking brains out! Do you have any idea what that image conjured up? That I'll see that and everything else every time I close my eyes.
"There are you happy. You all know what's upsetting me. Now fucking leave." With her rant over, she stalked toward her bedroom and slammed the door behind her
It was only then that Jordan turned his attention to Alice. "What the hell was that about betraying her, Alice?" She shook her head, looking over at Jacob for a moment. I wanted the answer to that question but it wasn't my concern at the time. Bella was my number one priority.
"She's always been the strong one," Nessie whispered, laying her head on Jacob's chest. "It feels unnatural seeing her like this."
"We should go," Jasper said. Everyone agreed accept for Jordan.
He sighed as he gave me a hard look. "You need to stay." I nodded and was alone after a few minutes and arrangements for phone calls to keep them up to date.
What do I do now?
Bella
I slammed the door and locked it behind me. It was only because I needed a few minutes to myself, since I knew Edward would stay. He was stubborn and would do all he could to help.
I was at a loss about telling him, after all this. It was so much to process and to add the pain of his departure again could destroy me. However, it was wrong to wait, too. I had a choice to make.
I thanked the heavens that I chose to put my subject files in music CD cases that were carefully hidden among the few hundred that lined the shelves in my second bedroom-slash-office. All ten subjects, each on their own CD, no evidence of those files left behind anywhere else. Even my expense reports and payments were hidden, sitting in a nice account in the Cayman Islands.
It wasn't actually illegal since I asked only for my expenses to paid, not my services. That sounded lame even to me. It was more unethical and unconventional. I had gone through the guidelines, and I found my loophole if I ever did get caught. I'd been cautious, making sure that I was only contacted by people who knew a previous subject or client.
That should've been my first fucking warning. Alice said that Jacob was the one that referred me to her. I should've known then that this was all a fucking game with them. A game that Edward and I were the pawns. I had to tell Edward the truth.
I walked out of my room, noticing Edward pacing in the hallway. He stopped suddenly when I appeared. I walked over to the second room where I had my other library and office set up. I heard him follow me as I scanned the shelf looking for his file. I disguised it in a Debussy CD.
I pulled it out, flipping it in my hand then I looked up at him. What do I do?
Edward
"Don't you have that on your iPod?" I asked, hoping to get her to talk. Bella nodded but averted her eyes.
"We need to talk," she whispered.
"Okay." I took a few tentative steps toward her. Never had a conversation been good that started with those infamous four words.
"What I'm going to tell you isn't something you're going to like." Bella sighed, placing the CD she held on a small round table beside a small loveseat. "In fact, I think you're going to hate me."
Oh God. Baby, I can't take much more. "Then don't tell me," I whispered, my voice cracking slightly.
Bella looked up at me, her eyes soft and glistening from her earlier tears. "I have to tell you. It's about us."
"Do you want it over between us?" I asked, wondering if she could still love me after the damage I had inflicted.
"No. Of course I don't, but this is important." Bella sighed before she took a few steps toward me.
I shook my head, taking a step back. "I don't want to know. If you think that it will end us then don't tell me," I said firmly, fear and pain coloring my voice. "Bella, when I saw you collapse, it was like a little part of me died. I held you in my arms, you're trembling body and I felt like I was dying."
I took a few deep breaths to gather myself. Fuck, I'd been doing that a lot lately. "The whole time after I left you, I was miserable. I was not myself, because I wasn't whole. Then this morning when I…I thought he shot you…oh God—" A sound tore through my chest.
I fell to my knees, remembering the terror and the hole that ripped through my heart when I thought she was gone. Bella rushed to my side, wrapping her arms around me. Comforting me.
"Edward, we can't have something like this hanging over our heads," Bella whispered, her tears flowing freely again.
I continued to deny her and wrapped my arms around her. "If it's going to take me away from you then it's not worth knowing." I pulled her closer, squeezing her tighter. "I can't lose you again, Bella. I don't know how else to explain it. I feel like a piece of me is gone when we're apart. I can't go through that again."
"But Edward, don't you want to know?" Bella whispered against my neck. I shook my head and then finally, she sighed in defeat.
"I'm so tired. Can I go to sleep for a while?" she asked softly. I nodded, happy that she let this topic go.
I picked her up and carried her to her bed to lie down. I removed her trainers and drew the blankets around her. "I'll wake you up in a while to eat. You didn't eat much earlier." She nodded, placing her hands under her head on her pillow. I kissed her forehead softly before leaving. I didn't want to presume she'd want me in her bed yet.
I walked into the spare bedroom that Bella had converted into an office. The CD she had earlier sat on the end table, I picked up to replace it on the shelf. Debussy—I sighed it had been a long time since I played. I hadn't found the inspiration to do so, but it was time to dust off the piano and play again. The piece that was floating in my head since I met Bella needed to be completed.
What I also needed was something to soothe my nerves. As I put in the CD into the player in Bella's nice sound system, I heard Bella call out. "Edward." She sounded desperate.
When I opened her bedroom door I found her sitting in bed in tears again. Her bottom lip trembled as she spoke. "All I see is red when I close my eyes."
I approached the bed with caution, still so unsure of what I could do for her. The only thing that I could provide was comfort. Something I hadn't ever done before. I cupped her face in my hands, brushing my lips over her own.
"I can't even imagine," I whispered, skin on skin.
She looked up from under her lashes, finding something I thought I had lost. Her love for me shined in her eyes, looking breathtakingly beautiful. "I need you."
She had no idea the power those words held. It said everything in such simple words. No more words were needed for her to know that I felt the same. Climbing into bed with her, she shifted and moved over me. I groaned, welcoming the warmth and the closeness of her. Breathless, I wrapped my arms around her as she laid kiss after kiss along my neck.
Before long, she started to nip at my earlobe, and I couldn't help the moan that left my lips. "Bella." In attempt to pull her closer still, I breathed her name as chant upon my lips. I knew I'd never deny her
"Edward, please." My weakness.
Slowly she stood up, hovering above me with naked desire clear in her eyes. Soft hands moved her body, enticing another groan. I watched with rapt attention as she removed her clothing, panties, pants, shirt and bra laid strewn around the room.
Unable to resist, I ran my hands up her calves and thighs until I met the firm softness of her ass. Still clothed, she knelt between my legs, delving her hands under my t-shirt. A stifled groan left me as her fingertips ran over my muscles, twitching to touch. Soon my clothes joined hers on the floor.
Wet, searing kisses left me begging her for more. Moans, sighs and groans had me pulling her up to kiss her mouth. Our hands seeking every inch of exposed skin. With my hands I guided her where I needed her most. I placed one of her hands over my heart; the other helped to take me inside her. She didn't fight me but pleaded in gentle whispers in my ear. Both of us groaned at the sensation of being complete once again.
We moved slowly against each other. Hips rocked over me, my hands guiding her. She tugged on my hair gently, moving her mouth over mine. "I love you," she whispered, finally.
"I love you," I gasped as her hips increased in tempo. Thrust for thrust, closer to the peak. Her soft whimpers increased as my own took on a huskier grunt.
Bella pulled back to let out a deep, raspy moan. Her face was full of pleasure as she threw her head back. I watched as she moved above me, my hands roaming over every curve. Need had my hands move over the flat of her stomach, up to in between her breasts to her cup her neck and pull her head back down to me.
Her hands found purchase in my hair as my lips met hers. I thrust deeper and harder inside her when I felt that she was close. The pressure to let go was overwhelming. I whispered her name, gasped "my life" over and over again. She was my life. Without her, it would have no real meaning.
With a final push and pull, we let go. Minutes passed in each other's arms. None of us had the heart to pull away. We eventually succumbed to sleep.
Though sleep had claimed us that night, it was not a sound slumber. Nightmares plagued her, despite my presence. The following I joined her and met Sharon, Daniel's wife. Bella helped her make arrangements since both of their families lived too far away and were flying in that day.
Bella kept everyone besides me at bay, so I had to take the week off to be with her. It was vital for her to have someone with her, made obvious when she awoke from a nightmare the following Tuesday and insisted on showering to wash off all the blood.
We both cried ourselves to sleep that night.
From that night on, I watched her carefully to make sure she wouldn't lose herself. It scared me when I found her staring off. Every time it took a considerable amount of time for me to pull her out of it of her state. The funeral went off without any problems, and Bella read a passage from Daniel's journal during the eulogy. It was a loving message to his wife and his mother.
I understood then why Bella was so desperate to save him. He was full of life and capable of loving someone. He was just consumed with an addiction. Something he tried to come back from but was too lost to his form of heroine.
The night of the funeral Bella slept soundly. Thought she hadn't awoken from a nightmare, she whispered Daniel's name in her sleep. It felt like she was trying to say good-bye. Bella cancelled all of her appointments she had for several weeks. The board reported had her under investigation for Daniel's case. Until the matter was closed, she would not be able to practice.
Since that day, Bella refused to go down to the parking garage. We'd always walk over to my apartment to take my car. We hadn't been intimate since that first night, but that was okay. She hadn't come to me and I hadn't either. I would wait for her. It wasn't something we needed to be together. My only priority was her and her well being. And her well being and state of mind were in jeopardy. Her appetite was no existent and her sleeping habits were still no better.
When we had returned from signing our statements at the police station, she went into her automatic mode and worried that I hadn't had much to eat. She went into the kitchen to make lunch, and I remained by her side to watch and keep her talking.
On the surface, my Bella was there in intervals, but for the most part, deep down she was drowning in her own grief and despair. I wanted to bring her out of it and that required me to take her away from Seattle for a while, just us.
"Love, I was wondering if you'd like to leave the city for the weekend," I asked, watching her flip a burger on the grill.
She sighed softly, but I saw the small smile at her lips. That small gesture gave me hope. "I thought you'd never ask." She looked up from the stove to meet my gaze, giving me a beautiful smile. "Just us?"
"Just us," I replied with my own matching grin.
"Hmm, somewhere sunny?" She cocked an eyebrow, waiting for an answer.
"California?"
Bella bit her lip and nodded. "I need to get a new bikini," she said suggestively. I groaned before giving her a smirk.
"We'll need a private beach," I said with a wink. I thought of my beach house in Carmel when I first made the suggestion. She removed the two burgers from the stove and placed them on plated buns and a side of fries.
"So when do we leave?" Setting the plates, I pulled her on to my lap and kissed her.
"Tomorrow," I whispered, continuing along her cheek to her ear.
She shivered. "Tomorrow, shit I have someone coming over. Umm, tomorrow afternoon?" She offered.
"Who's coming over?"
"I'm going to sing a song with a friend during the Charity concert. We need to choose a song and he's coming over since he's in town visiting a friend this weekend." She dipped a French fry in ketchup and held it up to my mouth.
"He?" I cocked an eyebrow in question, taking the crisp fry in my mouth.
Bella rolled her eyes. "Rob Thomas."
"You're singing something with him?" I was impressed. I'd heard her hum and sing a few words but always softly.
"Yes, I met him and his wife when I helped contribute to his foundation Sidewalk Angels a few years ago. So he offered weeks ago when I told him I was planning a concert. He even helped gather some of the other artists."
Her smile was so beautiful and just so her. I wanted to keep her talking, because I noticed that she was eating more. She sat with me and allowed me to feed her fries as she took small bites of her burger.
"Have you decided on a name for your foundation?" I asked, taking another fry from her and sucking on her finger. She giggled playfully and pinched my nose.
"I was thinking 'New Beginnings.'"
"It makes sense. The foundation's main focus are battered woman and children, no-kill animal shelters and rescue teams, the homeless and of course, children's hospitals. It's perfect, my love."
"Thank you." Bella smiled as I held up another fry. I took another and smeared the ketchup on her cheek. She looked me confused until I wiggled my eyebrows. I licked off the ketchup off her, earning a fit of giggles.
"Ew!" Bella said as she shook her head, trying to push my face away. I laughed with her but Bella suddenly stilled and gone quiet. My eyes zeroed on her hand. Ketchup was on her palm. Oh shit.
My first thought that it looked like blood was on her hand. I grabbed a nearby napkin and made to wipe it off, but she stopped me. She looked at her hand and dragged a fingertip, smearing it into a thin line.
"Blood and pain is in my life line. That's all I've really known for so long," she said as she took the napkin I had offered. Her eyes still consumed with the loss she felt. "You're the one that showed me there's more to my life than that, Edward. Thank you." Tears slipped from her eyes.
"I should be thanking you. You made my once cold black heart beat again," I whispered wrapping my arms around her. Her arms wrapped around my neck and she looked at me.
"Make love to me, Edward," she whispered, peppering kisses on my face. I groaned and kissed her lips as I pulled her up onto her feet.
Within moments, I laid her on our bed and whispered, "I love you, my love and my life." My wife.