Subject: Edward Cullen aka the Womanizer
Chapter Twenty-Three – The Gala
Edward
Good god, why was my head pounding? I groaned and felt for Bella, but her side of the bed was empty and cold. I couldn't remember crap. Did I get to see her before I passed out drunk?
Wait, why was I drinking? I lay down on the bed, trying to clear everything in my head, running my hands through my hair roughly. My right hand throbbed. I held up in front of me and the memories of what I found out the previous night came rushing back to me like a wrecking ball.
I've been lied to, betrayed and fucking humiliated. All for what? I had no idea. There was only way to find out, through Bella. But I wasn't ready to face her just yet.
I wanted to fucking hurt her like she hurt me. It was my turn to act, my turn to pretend. For every time she told me she loved me, it was a carefully delivered line. Every time she whispered those three little words, they were a lie. Every time she kissed my lips, it was nothing more than a show. It was just another fucking scene.
The bitch deserves a fucking Oscar.
I got up from bed and found a glass of water and two Motrin. How fucking considerate. She always looked out for you, a part of me thought. The other thought, she probably charged more for the extra effort.
Since she wasn't in bed with me, I was left wondering if I said anything when she returned from her trip. I pulled off the sheets and noticed I was naked. I was still drawing a blank. I know I didn't clean up the mess I made in her office. Her office, I reminded myself. It was no longer was our office. It never fucking was.
What the fuck was the point for them to hire her? To break my fucking heart? To force me to be a better person? Well whoopee-fucking-do; she succeeded. Now what?
After she told me, what the fuck did they think was going to happen? That I was going to go skipping off into the fucking sunset and stay a better person. Not even I buy that bullshit. All they did was solidify my need to remain detached.
Did my asshole ways really require for them to intervene this way?
"Upon further research, I found a website where all the women that had been with him can exchange stories. The membership is three hundred twenty-three members strong and growing."
Okay, so I had a little problem. But do this shit, was a little severe.
"Son, Lily Reese, your former secretary is suing for sexual harassment."
Maybe it wasn't so little. Fuck, I never felt guilty about my indiscretions. But the fact that my family was driven to this extreme made me see all that in a different light. However, it wasn't an excuse to cause me this kind of pain. And it hurt like hell
Because I loved her, I really loved her. Fuck, I still do. I couldn't think that way. They all hurt and mocked me, our relationship. I ran my hand through my hair, confused as fuck.
"I love you, Edward. So damn much." How many times had her say those words? All lies. The betrayal of my family hurt, but it didn't compare to the pain of knowing that she didn't love me.
She didn't love me as I loved her. The pain was indescribable, and she deserved the same pain. I could hear her in the kitchen and smell the French toast. I took my Motrin, ready to start my day. This day that would no doubt change everything. I was supposed to meet my Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper in an hour for a round of golf.
Should I pretend to them, too? Why the fuck not? They deserved just as much of the humiliation that I planned for Bella. I needed to run a few errands before the Gala if I wanted this to work.
Once I was dressed, I made my way out into the hallway, noticing the office door was locked. She had to have seen the destruction I had made of her office. No where the level of devastation she had caused my heart. Fuck. I ran a hand over the ache in my chest, wishing it would leave me. Made worse when I found her in the kitchen.
She was dressed unusually; her attire when she made breakfast was usually one of my t-shirts. It was my turn to put on an Oscar worthy performance. With her back was to me I wrapped my arms around her waist. She stiffened against me, a soft gasp escaped her. It almost felt like she was about to run.
What the fuck?
"Good morning, love," I whispered in her ear. She trembled, and the pain I felt was excruciating. "Sorry I missed you last night," I continued. She let the breath she held.
"I didn't want to wake you," she whispered, though it was barely audible.
I hummed and I kissed a sweetly scented spot behind her ear. "That's too bad. I would've loved giving you a proper homecoming." She trembled again and whimpered as if in pain. Guilt twisted in my gut. She had to know that the truth had been revealed. What happened the other night?
Despite my anger toward her, I still felt something when she was upset. "Are you all right?"
She nodded and removed the eggs from the frying pan and put them on two plates. I pulled away to set up where we usually ate at the snack bar area in the kitchen island. I grabbed two cups for coffee and grabbed some silverware.
"Your dress arrived while you were gone," I said. She hadn't bothered to respond as she plated a few items. "It's a gorgeous dress. That shade of blue will look great on you. So will the cut. Then again any excuse seeing you in a strapless anything –"
"I'm not wearing it," she interrupted.
"Why not?"
"I stumbled while I was gone and I have a bruise on my shoulder." I chuckled softly, whenever she was too preoccupied with something she'd bump into something. She dropped her head into her hands and sobbed. "Love, it's all right. I'll make sure you can wear the dress somewhere else." I tried to reassure her, though it was a lie.
It hurt to see her like that. She hurt, I hurt. I wasn't completely heartless, but I had to remain diligent. We ate breakfast in silence. There was a palpable tension in the air.
"Sorry about your office. I kind of lost it when my team lost." She nodded and refused to look at me. "Look at me Bella," I said firmly, placing a finger under her chin for her to look at me.
Her eyes were filled with something I couldn't decipher. No, I could. It was something I hadn't seen before in Bella. She was scared, of what I didn't know. Did I say something to her last night? I searched my memory and I couldn't grasp on anything, except that I whispered that I missed her. Did she fear what would happen to us? But why? It wasn't fucking real! Rage and pain coursed through me, taking every ounce of my control to keep myself together.
God damn it, why don't you love me?
"You're going to be late," she said, averting her eyes.
It was then that I noticed something different about her face. "Are you wearing foundation?" She nodded. "You never use foundation. Your skin is flawless."
"I didn't get much sleep while I was gone," she replied almost robotically. "I needed to cover up the, um, bruising under my eyes."
I nodded in understanding. It was just another scene. As if she'd lose sleep over a subject. Why because I was a fucking subject. I was nothing more to her.
You fucking idiot, she lost sleep over Daniel. Why not you? Fucking hell, there was still a part of me that wanted to believe in her, in us.
"I better get going." I rose to my feet and I placed a kiss on her soft lips.
I almost lost it then. Why did it hurt to kiss her? I pulled away, noticing tears trailing down her cheeks. I averted my eyes. I couldn't see her in pain, because my resolve would crumble. I'd forgive her. I whispered a fleeting good-bye and ran out the door.
I swear I heard her let out a strangled cry. I'm sure it was just another scene. Why was she pretending that she didn't know that I knew? She could easily put an end to the whole fucking charade.
~oOo~
For the whole game with my family, I pretended that everything was perfect. I laughed and joked around with them, as if it was any other day, but it wasn't. I barely managed to get through it. At one point I wanted to hit Carlisle. He kept teasing me about Bella's panties and the incident at the office. I hadn't helped that Emmett joined him. Jasper seemed to have noticed my discomfort but never said anything. He had always been a perceptive fucker.
Shortly after leaving them at the club, I made my way to the jewelry store. There I bought a lovely pair of diamond earrings for my Bella. It was the least she deserved. I was properly fucked and satisfied the whole time. I might as well pay her well for it.
Then again I'm sure her services had to have cost my family her weight in gold. God, who knows how much she charged for a blow job? Maybe I should've grabbed a tennis bracelet, too.
While I was gone, Bella called to tell that my tux was waiting at my place. And that Alice was coming to help her get ready.
It was almost five o'clock, and we were supposed to make our appearances in about an hour. I made my way to Bella's apartment, and I pulled her car out of the garage to park in front of her building. She still wasn't capable of walking into the garage. Not that I blamed her on that, I still saw Daniel's bloodied corpse with Bella crying over it.
Damn, the pain etched on her face after that incident was real. So fucking real. A thread of doubt started to form at the back of my mind. The look in her eyes during breakfast was close to devastation in her eyes after Daniel killed himself. What the fuck could that mean?
On the ride up to her apartment, I mentally prepared myself for the onslaught of emotions that I would experience for the rest of the night. I had to remain strong. My family and Bella wouldn't get away with what they've done.
You're willing to hurt her and risk everything she'd ever worked for. After you promised not to. I took a few deep breathes trying to ignore the constant nagging in the back of my mind that what I was going to do was wrong. I looked up and saw my reflection in the stainless steel of the door.
Who was that man that reflected back at me? I was so fucking confused. I had to be strong.
I was about to knock on the door but thought better of it. Technically, I lived there. I walked right in since the door was unlocked. God, hadn't my girl learned anything. I shook the thought from my head. I didn't need to go there or I'd never leave.
When I walked into the hallway, I was surprised to find the office in perfect order. Everything was in its place like I hadn't torn through it. I tried to make sense of this. Why hadn't she called? What the fuck kind of game was she playing?
I heard a sob from the bedroom. Why was she crying? I stood just outside the door, confusion and pain racked throughout my body and mind. If she knew that I knew and it wasn't real, then why was she prolonging the inevitable? What was she waiting for?
She loves you, she's hurting, and she's confused. Fuck! I had to remain strong and ignore the part me that wanted to believe in her and us. She must have heard me come in and was playing another scene. It was the only explanation that made sense.
"My love, are you ready?" I hesitated to open the door, afraid of what I'd find.
"Um, I'll be right there," she said from inside the closet.
"Did Alice leave already?" The bedroom was in utter chaos, clothes were strewn everywhere. Did she lose something?
"She didn't come over," she said, her voice muffled since she had closed the door. .
"Why?"
"I needed time to... Um, run a few errands. I didn't want to spend hours playing Barbie Bella."
I chuckled, internally rolling my eyes. That was my sister's favorite hobby aside from shopping. "Did you get a new dress?" I asked, seeing the blue strapless gown on the bed.
"Yes," she said, slightly out of breath.
"Do you need a hand?" I asked, walking toward the closet.
"No!" she screamed. "Sorry, I'm done already." When she stepped out of the closet, my breath hitched. She looked breathtaking. Clad in a beautiful black strapless dress with a delicate sweetheart neckline that cinched on her left side above her waist, the fabric cascaded to the floor.
Over her lovely dress was a long-sleeve black jacket that seemed made of tulle and velvet that was beaded and was appropriately frilly. Her hair was piled elegantly on her head with tendrils framing her face. All black, which was strange for Bella.
She walked past me to sit on the bed so that she could put on her heels. "Let me help you with those," I said as I took her heels from her hands, instantly feeling the small electrical charge.
Why don't you love me?
"Don't touch me," she whispered, but didn't look up at me. This was it.
"Bella," I said, taking another step toward her. Her head snapped up and glared.
"Let's get this over with," she snapped, grabbing a black sequin clutch. She brushed past me, but before she could get away I grabbed her arm. "Let me go," she growled. I glared at her, mentally daring her to say it again. She pulled her arm out of my grip and rubbed her arm. "I have enough bruises there." She turned to leave the bedroom and I was hot on her heels.
"I thought you said your bruise was on your shoulder," I countered. Was she lying about something as simple as that, too?
She turned to me and I could see that she was seething. Give it to me, baby. Let's do this here and now. "You seriously don't fucking remember last night, do you?" I shook my head, my hands clenched into fists at my sides. Her eyes closed, her jaw clenched tight. She took a few deep breaths before she slowly opened her eyes.
"We're going to the Gala and make our appearance. After that I guess it's time to have the discussion you've been putting off." I glared at her. So now this was my fault. How fucking dare she? "You promised not to hurt my project if anything should happen to us," she whispered, her gaze boring into mine.
"So another scene except everyone else is the audience and not just me?" I said asking for clarification.
She shook her head and shrugged. "If that's what you want to believe then yes."
"It is." After a moment she nodded, squared her shoulders and held her chin high.
"Come on, champ," she said easily. "It's time to get this show on the road." The Oscar worthy actress was ready for her next big scene. I was game. We could both pretend. We'd done it before.
I held out my arm and she took it without a trace of discomfort. Damn she was good. And damn, I still wanted her.
The drive to the Gala was filled with small talk and sense of peace had washed over me, if only for a few hours. Again, we were both pretending. It was nothing new for her. She had been doing it since she met me. She had lots of practice. I kept stealing glances at her as I drove, and occasionally the careful façade she constructed would topple over. Wiping at tears that I didn't understand the point of them would be. Why was she in pain?
Twenty minutes later we arrived, and I helped her out of her car, taking her dainty hand in my own. Cameras flashed everywhere, and though we'd several public appearances before, this was one of our most publicized.
I pulled Bella closer to me and wrapped an arm around her waist. She stiffened for a moment; long enough to make the pain I felt earlier ache anew. When she tried to pull away, I held onto her tightly, causing her to wince. I looked at her in question, but she shook her head.
We were led to our table, where my family waited along with Jordan and Julie. Bella pulled away from my side and went to greet her brother. He laughed and stood up. She gasped and wrapped her arms around her brother and started to sob uncontrollably.
"Bells, calm down!" Jordan said, trying to console her.
"It's too…mu…ch," she gasped, her words choked and broken with emotion. He looked at me for help, and since it wasn't the right time to create a scene, I helped him out, taking her hand. I pulled her away from her brother and pulled her to my side. Slowly, we made our way through groups of people and walked out of the banquet hall.
"You need to pull yourself together," I snapped, whipping her around to face me.
Her facial expression was one of pain. No one is that good, I thought. "I'm fine," she snarled under her breath.
"Falling and sobbing all over your brother is hardly fine," I hissed back.
"Sorry that I have a lot to deal with lately. It's all a little too much right now. Remember you, near death experience, and washing blood off my body?"
"You've used that excuse already, sweetheart."
She slapped me. It fucking stung, though incomparable to the pain in my heart. Her chest rose and fell with harsh breath she took. She turned to leave, but I grabbed her by her shoulder, causing the jacket to slip off slightly.
Below the hairline was a purplish bruise than ran across the nape of her neck. It was less than a few centimeters thick, as if her necklace was forcibly ripped from her. Quickly, I removed my hand, as a flash from my memory hit me. I was pressed up against Bella in the hallway and wrapped my hand around her throat. And then I moved her head to kiss her neck, as my fingers followed the path of her necklace. At the end, where my mother's ring laid, my fingers curled around the ring…and I…oh God.
"Coming back to you?" she asked sarcastically, cocking an eyebrow and fixing her jacket. "Now come darling, it's time to put up that Bachelor of the Year persona."
I glared at her and she returned it. I led her by the small of her back to the table and we took our seats. Soon, Bella, her brother, and Julie were talking about Jordan's rehabilitation. I idly wondered if he knew that his sister fucked guys for a living.
Even though the anger was deeply rooted in my soul, I couldn't help pretending to be happy with her. We played our parts well. At least she was. I wasn't playing; I really wanted it to be real.
To be sitting here by her laughing and enjoying each other's company. I loved the feel her hand on my shoulder when she laughed beautifully at some stupid joke Emmett told. I enjoyed the habit she had of trying to keep my hair out of my eyes.
She laughed while running her fingers through my hair trying to get it to cooperate since Emmett said that I looked like a cockatiel. Why was she torturing me like that? She knew what that shit did to me. How much it made me want her.
She noticed my pained expression and stopped playing with my hair. Soft hands trailed from my hair to rest on my cheeks. Her eyes were soft and warm, the gold flecks calling to me. Do you love me? I asked internally.
I wanted to ask her, but I was afraid of the answer.
She placed a soft, lingering kiss on my lips, causing me to groan softly. Damn you, I love you. I wanted to push her away, but at the same time I wanted to pull her closer. My heart and mind were in a constant battle.
That battle was lost to my heart as I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close. She wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered in my ear, "It's me, Edward." Her breath fanned down my neck, and I tightened my grip around her. "It's been me for a long time now." I trembled against her.
I turned my head to whisper in her ear. "How can I separate the lies from the truth?"
"You need to listen and to see."
I pulled back and looked into her eyes. She looked sincere. No! It was just an act. I scowled at her and her face looked pained. It was just an act.
"Trust me Edward, I'm a good actress."
I stood up and excused myself from the table, walking outside into the night air. I was so fucking confused. She's trying to tell you she loves you. Why did I still believe in her? No, no, no! I tried to fight it.
I really did. I wanted her. I loved her. I hated her. How could she do this to me? Why me? I love her. I loved her with everything I was. I love her and I can't let her go.
I could hear my mother and Bella give their speeches. I should be there to support her. My resolve was crumbling. I knew I'd hear what she had to tell me, hear everything.
"Edward," a familiar voice said behind me.
I took a deep breath to calm down. "Jordan," I said, turning to face him. He was rolled closer to me just within reach of the light from some overhead lighting.
"Bella missed you in there, is something wrong?"
I sighed. "Can you tell when Bella lies?"
Jordan laughed. "When Bella was little, she stuttered and blushed when she tried to lie."
"And now?"
"Edward, I'm not sure why this important, but if she's not telling you something, she has a good reason." Not even her brother would know if she lied.
"Can you tell me if Bella's been different since she met me?"
"Well yeah. Don't get me wrong, she acted happy for a long time after Brianna's and my parents' death. But I know she's not acting with you." He had no clue about her subjects. He was completely oblivious. "Did something happen for you to question her trust?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "Don't even think that she'd cheat on you. 'Cause I knock all the straight teeth right out of your mouth," Jordan growled. I shook my head. "One thing you have to know about Bella is everything she does, she does for a reason. If she caused you pain, I feel for you. But she'd never cheat on you."
"I didn't mean to imply that, Jordan."
"Then what is it, Edward?"
"I just don't know if she really loves me, like I love her."
"You really deserve the misery you are in if you can't tell that she loves you. Shit, she'd probably marry you, if you asked her." A sob almost escaped from within my chest, though I didn't think he had heard me.
Jordan left me to my self-loathing before indicating he and Julie were leaving early. My thoughts then turned to the night before. I had hurt her, but I couldn't remember anything past tearing the necklace from her neck. However, her words of bruises made me believe that I'd done more.
I hurt her. Oh god, I hurt her. My resolve was crumbling. If she really wanted me, I'd forgive her. If she'd forgive me. I loved her too much to let her go.
I walked back into the banquet hall that had transformed since I left. Most of the tables had been gathered along the edges of the dance floor. I scanned the room until they fell upon Bella. She was surrounded by my family and Jacob and Nessie. There were a few faces I hadn't expected to see. Mike from the club, and the doctor that treated her when Tanya hurt her. Mike seemed to know Nessie and Bella.
Fuck. He'd been a subject and she used him to make me jealous. And just like that, the wall was rebuilt. My resolve was firmly planted back into place.
My anger quickly built, but I pushed it down, because I had a role to play. Ignoring Mike and some curly haired brunette, I made my way to Bella's die. They stared at me, because they knew I knew.
"My love," I said as I placed my hand on her cheek. I sat in a chair beside her, turning hers toward me. I smiled. "I bought you something today."
She looked at me confused for a moment, but quickly composed herself and smiled. "You know I don't like surprises," she whispered.
"Don't be ridiculous, you deserve it." I pulled out the red leather Cartier box, she knew it wasn't my mother's ring but she was curious. "I saw these and I knew they had to be yours." I opened the box and Bella gasped when she saw the brilliance of the diamonds.
"Beautiful aren't they?" I smiled and pulled an earring out, placing on her ear. My family looked confused, as I expected. However, Bella seemed more attuned to the storm that brewed inside me. So fucking perceptive; yet another of her beguiling gifts.
After placing the second earrings in its proper place, I pulled back to admire their beauty. The top of the babbles consisted of three half karat pear shaped diamonds that clustered around a full karat round diamond, ending in a one-point-five karat pear diamond, dangling, as like teardrops.
I felt the other crowd around, but I paid little attention to them. They could feel the tension in the air. They knew something was going to happen.
Against my will, my thumb brushed her lush lips. Her face, composed but the exaggerated rise and fall of her chest told me otherwise. She was far from composed. Do you love me?
"They look beautiful on you, my love." I paused for a moment. "Now you can think of me when they press against your skin when you fuck your next subject."
There was a collective gasp around us and quite possibly from other tables. My father grabbed my arm and pulled me up. "This is hardly the place to handle this, Edward," he said in a rushed whisper.
"Frankly, I think this is the perfect place for this, Carlisle," I hissed, pulling from his grasp. Without a word, Bella stood up and walked hurriedly across the hall and out two doors. I followed closely, my family on my heels. They wanted front row seats.
First, I'd deal with her, and then I'd deal with them. Pacing in the hallway, Bella wrapped her around her chest.
"Isn't this how it works, Bella?" I asked. "I find out and I'm instantly a better person."
She slapped me. "You humiliated me in there! You just put the foundation in a scandal and I'm pretty fucking sure I'll lose my license."
"I don't give a fuck!" I roared inches from her face. Nose to nose, mutually fiery glares.
She slapped me again. "It wasn't enough that you chose not to listen to me for months. It wasn't enough that you refused to give me a chance to speak with you last night. It wasn't enough that hurt me last night." As if by reflex, she touched the scar at the back of her neck. I stilled, hating myself for that, hating her for reminding me. I heard Jasper curse and someone restraining him.
"No you just had to plunge the knife and twist it and destroy everything I've worked for!"
"How much did you charge them?" I asked, my words ragged as my breath.
Bella crossed her arms. "My fee was fifteen thousand a month, plus expenses."
"That's forty-five thousand dollars or did you give them a discount when we were apart those two weeks?"
She tried to slap me again, but this time I caught her by the wrist. More bruises, similar to those whenever I held her hands above her head when we had sex. Emmett was on me in a second, tearing me away from her and stood in front of me, pushing me further back. I looked past him.
"You know with all the fucking we did, baby," I spat, trying to get to her. "You should've charged them at least two hundred thousand. It's a good thing I bought you the earrings. At least you'll walk away ahead." Emmett growled and pushed me with two hands.
"Edward, she returned every dollar!" Alice screamed.
"That's enough, Edward," Carlisle said through clenched teeth. Esme held her face in her hands.
I laughed. "And I'm supposed to believe you. I'm supposed to believe that…what she really fell in love with me and returned the money."
"That's exactly what happened, Edward," Emmett said tiredly.
I laughed again, shaking my head in disbelief. Why were they still playing the fucking game? "I'm supposed to believe that she loves me?"
"If I didn't love you, I would've walked away when you did after I was poisoned," Bella whispered.
"You needed me for comfort!" I regretted my words instantly, she never wished Daniel dead. Even with the truth in front of me, I couldn't regret being there for her after he died. Rosalie and Alice rushed to Bella's side.
Bella sobbed and trembled, shaking her head. "If I didn't love you with all that I am, I wouldn't have said yes and let you have me last night, not like that at least."
Emmett, Carlisle and Jasper's head all snapped to look at her. I stilled again, as an icy fire clenched around my heart. "What the hell are you talking about?"
She stepped away from Rosalie's embrace, letting her jacket pool at her feet. Esme gasped behind me. Her arms were riddled with thin bruises from…my fingers. Another memory hit me. My hands tight around her arms, like vices. A wave of nausea hit me.
She turned her back from us and lowered the back zipper of her dress, revealing bruises along her ribs and lower back. Bile started to crawl up my throat. A laugh, dark and rich, she whispered, "I'm sure you have some of your own. I let you, but neither of us were gentle last night."
"Why…why would you…why didn't you…fight…" I gasped and stumbled backward.
"Get me out of here," she cried out. "Get me out of here!" She screamed, clutching at her stomach. Rosalie and Alice caught her just before she collapsed. The look on her face…I'd seen it before. It was the same face, lost and so broken, the one on the video when her father carried her from the scene of Brianna's death. I didn't understand. It hadn't been real.
Esme ran past me to help with Bella. From head to toe, her body shook, sobs heard so clear as they wrapped her jacket around her.
"Bella!" I cried out, reaching for something that seemed unattainable. I needed to follow her, because I needed to understand.
"You're not going anywhere," Jasper growled as his fist hit me square in the jaw. The pain in my chest hurt much more than the pain along my jaw. I stumbled and let the darkness take me. Once again cast into the abyss where I'd never be able to reach her again.
The problem, I had no idea if I wanted to.
AN: Again, not rape. This night, and the night before in Bella's POV is next.