The Reason Chapter 34, a glee fanfic

Chapter 34: Hesitation

I brought Kurt into the kitchen, hoping that I was just dreaming and he wasn't actually there. It's not that I didn't want him there but it felt wrong having him there instead of being with Sebastian. Kurt and I talked about whatever came to mind, catching up and talking about school and his internship at .

"I don't understand what you're doing here Kurt." I said handing him a cup of juice.

"Well, I heard about Cooper…" Kurt said placing a hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry Blaine." Kurt seemed sincere, but I knew Coop wasn't the only reason he came. "But…I'm also here because I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Us." I knew it. He was here because he had an ulterior motived. "Blaine, I think we should give our relationship another chance." He said smiling at me.

"Kurt…" I whispered. I didn't know what to say. I still loved Kurt, but not like before. I couldn't think of him that way anymore. My heart belonged to Sebastian. "I still love you. I probably always will. You were my first in so many different aspects Kurt; you will always be a part of me. But I can't" I said looking away. I didn't want to break his heart, but I wasn't going to force myself to love someone when I couldn't anymore.

"Why not Blaine? You're not with Sebastian anymore!" How did he know that? I assumed that he would eventually find out, but he hadn't texted me in weeks and he never mentioned knowing. "Although, kudos to you for being with him for 5 months." He said laughing. "A lot longer than I expected."

"Kurt, I'm not going to let you trash talk him. We're not together, but we're still friends." I said to him before standing up and getting myself bottled water. "That still doesn't explain why you're in Ohio."

"Well, Rachel wanted to come back and I decided to come back with her. We're leaving in a week, but I couldn't leave without you being my boyfriend again." He said pulling me into a hug. "You smell like alcohol. Looks like he corrupted you."

"I'm sorry Kurt. I just don't love you like that anymore. I still want to be your friend though." I said letting go of him. "But please, stop bad mouthing him. I do what I please, no one forces me to do anything."

"Blaine, please. You were the one who cheated on me, yet I'm here asking you to give me another chance. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"My one regret is hurting you Kurt, but I'm happy where I am now. I want you to be happy too."

"Happy? Really, because seems like Sebastian and you have been on one hell of a roller coaster. Being alone in your house without someone to hold you makes you happy? Constantly being let down makes you happy?" He asked with an accusing look. "Sebastian must have messed you up worse than I thought." He said before sitting back down.

"Kurt, you should go." I said placing the cup in the sink and holding myself up against the counter. I didn't turn around to face him, not wanting to look at him. Should I give him another chance? Sebastian would leave me eventually…and I really did care for Kurt still. Maybe Kurt and I could restart our relationship. I was going to New York after all, and he would be there.

"I was thinking I could spend the night." Kurt said grabbing my hand and pulling me towards my room; a room that he knew too well.

"I don't know Kurt." I said crossing my arms. I still wanted to make my way over to Sebastian's, but something about Kurt being there with me made me feel comfortable. Almost as if I had returned home.

"Please? I'll sleep on the floor." I wasn't about to let him sleep on the floor, and seeing as the guest room was occupied, the only other option was sleeping with me.

"No, it's fine. You can sleep with me." I said getting into bed. Kurt got in bed with me and curled up next to me, but I scooted away from him. "Kurt, you can sleep here but we can't do anything."

I lied down next to Kurt, neither of us saying anything. We just stared at the ceiling as if that held all the answers to my problems. "You haven't found anyone over there in New York?" I knew it wasn't my place to ask, but I was curious.

"Of course not." He said sighing turning turning on his side to look at me. "I can't Blaine. Whenever I did go on dates, you're the only person that crossed my mind. Isn't this as hard for you as it is for me? I have to say you really broke me when you started dating Sebastian." Kurt's eyes looked hurt. I knew in the beginning that I did jump ships really quickly, but Sebastian came in and completely swept me off my feet.

"I do miss you Kurt." I whispered. I knew I was being sincere, but something about it felt off. It didn't feel right. But still, there was that little thorn at my side that told me that maybe, just maybe...

"You can't deny the love we had for each other." He said cradling my face. "We had something special." Kurt laughed lightly before letting go of my face."The thing I missed most about you was the way you would laugh," he started, "that goofy smile that you always had on when you were excited. The way you kissed me, the way you touched me. Your arms around me, holding me through the night." Kurt was barely whispering, his fingers grazing my hand slightly. "Be honest, why don't you want a relationship with me?"

"I...I love Sebastian." I whispered. I knew it would hurt him, and I wasn't really sure how I managed to actually say the words to him, but I wouldn't lie.

"So why are you two not together?" Kurt sounded irritated now.

"It's complicated." I muttered before turning on my side to face away from him.

Kurt turned my head and was leaning in. "Kurt, stop." I said moving my head. I couldn't kiss him. I knew what that would do to Sebastian, and I wasn't willing to hurt him. I couldn't let Kurt destroy what took Sebastian and I so long to build and then rebuild.

"Blaine, you have no idea how much I've missed you. Can't we just…do it for old times sake?" He said trying to climb on top of me. "We can start over."

"No." I said pushing him off of me and standing up from the bed. "You sleep here, I'll sleep downstairs."

"I'm sorry. Stay." He said grabbing my arm. I reluctantly got into bed and Kurt rested his head on my chest. It felt odd because it wasn't Sebastian, but something about it felt right. It felt comfortable, like something I've known my whole life.

"It's funny." He said. "I'm the one who was hurt, yet I'm begging you to be with me."

"Kurt...I'm not saying that cheating was the right thing to do, but it hurt being left behind. It hurt being forgotten. It hurt that you were moving on with your life, not caring enough to wonder about me."

"You must have never known me if you thought that I would forget about the only person I loved." Kurt placed his arm around me before I shut off the lights. Kurt was quietly snoring but I was wide awake. My mind was running back and forth contemplating everything Kurt had told me. He still loved me. He wanted to be together with me. I had Sebastian, but maybe it was for the best if I stayed friends with him and started dating Kurt. Kurt would be the safety net that would catch me when Sebastian left. Kurt wouldn't leave me again. Maybe Kurt was right. Maybe we ended our relationship prematurely…

"Good morning Cooper." I said when Coop opened the door for me. "This is for your family." I said handing him a bag with assorted pastries and breakfast items.

"Hey Sebastian! You looking for Blaine?" I smiled and nodded. "I think he's upstairs. Probably still sleeping." He said patting my shoulder and letting me inside.

"Thanks." I said before walking up the stairs. I knew the perfect way to wake up Blaine. I would tickle him and place kiss all over so that it was a guaranteed good start to the day. I didn't know what we were doing that day, but I knew that as long as it was with him, everything would be okay. I guess it was kind of presumptuous of me to assume that he would want to spend every day with me, and I couldn't help but hesitate at the top stair. Maybe I should have called?

"Good morning sleeping beauty." I said opening the door slightly. You know when it feels like your world shatters? When the earth beneath your feet literally starts to crumble and you feel like you've broken into a million pieces? That's what I felt when I saw Kurt in bed with Blaine, snuggled up next to him. I felt my face heat up and my heart start pounding. I could feel my breathing get heavier. Why? Why would Blaine do that to me? I know we weren't together, but still, he knew how I felt about him. Why would he betray me? And with Kurt. Kurt fucking Hummel. Of all the people, why his ex?

I ran down the stairs and out the door as Cooper was yelling my name. I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was dying. I got into my car and drove as fast as I could away from him. From Blaine. How could Blaine do that to me? I thought he loved me...was all I was a space filler until Kurt came back into his arms? Did Blaine use me to pass his time, just to be played in the end? I never expected that from Blaine. It seemed impossible.

I wasn't exactly sure how or why I ended up in the Lima Bean, but I did. Maybe it was because there was a stage there where I could spill my heart out to people who thought I was doing nothing more than singing a song. Maybe it was because I was hoping that coffee would somehow wake me up from this horrible dream.

"Little brother." Cooper whispered.

"Wh-what? What is it?" I asked still groggy from waking up. I rubbed my eyes, focusing on Cooper standing next to the bed. I suddenly realized that Kurt was sleeping in the bed with me. Crap.

"You better go find Sebastian." He said, a look of worry all over his face.

"What, why? What happened to him?" I said sitting up. Was he hurt? What did he mean find Sebastian? Did he leave? Kurt rustled in his sleep but didn't wake up. I probably asked Cooper with more worry and louder than I expected.

"He came here and left without saying a single word, and now I know why." He said looking over at Kurt.

"Oh my god." I said jumping out of bed, not caring that Kurt groaned, unhappy to be woken up. I threw on a hoodie and jeans before running out of the house.

I called Sebastian, but he didn't respond. Where could he be? What was he thinking at that moment? Damnit, I knew it would be a bad idea to let Kurt stay the night. Why was I so stupid?! I decided I would try driving to Dalton first to see if he went back there.

Did you really leave me here alone? –Kurt

Sorry, something came up. I'll see you later. –Blaine

I didn't have time to try and explain myself to Sebastian and how he ruined everything for us. Or was it my fault? Crap.

I was still extremely tired, so I decided to stop by the Lima Bean to get a coffee to wake me up a bit. "Who's playing?" I asked the barista when the patrons of the Lima Bean stood up to clap for whoever had just finished singing.

"I don't know, but he's really good. He's sexy too." The girl said with a sigh. When I got my coffee, I turned the corner to look at the stage and see Sebastian playing.

"Hey everyone. So, I think this will be my final song for the day. Thank you guys so much for listening. I hope you guys enjoy it and take from it what I've taken from it; love freaking blows." He said smiling and strumming the strings on his guitar. The crowd hooted and hollered, clearly agreeing with his sentiment. He looked upset, as if he was completely let down. I knew at that moment that he definitely saw Kurt and I in bed together. FUCK. Blaine, you really screwed things up this time. Big time.

Sebastian closed his eyes and let out a sigh before he started singing.

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Everyone was clapping for Sebastian when he finished the song. He bowed, but it was clear that he wasn't happy at that moment, despite his smile telling a different story. Sebastian walked outside before I stopped him.

"Sebastian…" I said grabbing his arm and turning him around before looking into his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey killer." He said half smiling. "Sorry for what?" He said getting out his keys and walking over to his car.

"Cooper told me you stopped by this morning…" Sebastian didn't say anything. "Nothing happened Sebastian. He showed up last night just as I was about to leave to spend the night with you," Sebastian stopped walking. He stood there, taking in what I was saying before shaking his head and walking towards the car. "I couldn't kick him out, so I let him spend the night. I promise Sebastian, we didn't do anything." I said walking in front of him and forcing him to stop.

"You know I express myself through song best Blaine, so I'm glad you were there to hear me sing that song." Sebastian looked at the floor. "Honestly though, it doesn't matter to me. You can feel free to do whatever you want." He said with a smile on his face. I knew though that he was lying. "Get back in a relationship for all I care." Sebastian walked around me and opened his car door.

"Sebastian, please don't do this." I begged. He slammed his door shut before turning to face me.

"Do what Blaine? Get in bed with my ex?" He said. He wasn't angry, but his words were filled with hurt. "It sucked seeing that Blaine. All I ask is that if you are with him, to just tell me straight up so I can move on with my life."

"No! Of course not, Bas, we're not together. He only came to support me with the Cooper thing. It meant nothing to me that he slept in my bed with me." What did I have to say to make Sebastian believe that it was innocent. Yes, I had thought that maybe I could love Kurt again, but I knew it was a lie. I loved Sebastian.

"He sure did look happy nestled next to you and holding you." He said under his breath. "I'm fine, B. I'll see you around." He said getting into his car.

"Sebastian." I said holding the door so he couldn't close it. "Don't let this happen. We've come so far. Don't let a simple misunderstanding set us back to the beginning again."

"I'm not." He said smiling. "I just have a busy day today. I have to go." He said before closing his door. He drove away as I stood there, watching his car disappear.

I spent the entire day doing anything I could to keep my mind off of Sebastian. This felt weird; it wasn't like we were fighting, but it was kind of uncomfortable. After multiple attempts at studying, I decided that I couldn't take anymore. I groaned as I threw myself on my bed. What to do. I had lots of friends, I'm sure there was something that I could come up with, but first I needed to check in on Sebastian.

Hey :) -Blaine

Whats up? -Sebastian

Nothing, what're you up to? -Blaine

Nothing. -Sebastian

Well, that conversation went well.

Wanna do something? -Blaine

I'm kind of busy. -Sebastian

Didn't he just tell me he was doing nothing?

What about later? Maybe we can catch a movie. I'm in the mood to laugh. -Blaine

I can't. Ask Sam or Kurt. -Sebastian

Sebastian...that's not fair, you didn't let me explain anything. I want to talk about this, please? -Blaine

Come with us tonight to the Lima Bean. Everyone is going, it's karaoke night. I actually like the atmosphere there a lot more now, don't ya think? -Blaine

Maybe, I'll let you know. -Sebastian

"Hey there sexy." Hunter said coming back from the gym. "Care to shower with me?"

"As tempting as that sounds, I'll have to pass." I said looking up at him.

"What did he do this time?" He said rolling his eyes and jumping on my bed.

"No one said it was about Blaine." I said, irritated that everyone automatically assumed that Blaine was the reason for my distress, given that he was most of the time.

"I know you." Hunter said turning his head to look at me. "That face is reserved for the 'Blaine-just-broke-my-heart' moments." I glared at him, not wanting to delve into the situation. It was actually nice that I was close to Hunter. Besides Blaine, he was one of my closest friends.

"Well," He said standing up, "If you're not going to help me shower than I'll have to do it by myself." He said winking and grabbing a towel and heading into the shower. I could hear Hunter singing loudly, causing me to laugh. In front of everyone else he was serious, straight forward, and kind of a dictator. It was funny to think about how I was him last year, and now I'm the one bringing him down a peg.

He got out of the shower with nothing but a towel around his waist, shaking his head, causing water to splash over me. "Cute." I said rolling my eyes.

"I try." He said dropping his towel, exposing himself and that tight ass of his. I had to hand it to him, he did have a nice body and he was definitely something to look at. "What're you up to tonight?" He asked putting on his boxers.

"Not sure." I said mindlessly going through my phone. "What about you?"

"Nothing. Do you want to do something?" He said pulling out two shirts and holding them up. I nodded my head to the left shirt.

"Blue is your color." Kind of gay Sebastian. "I got invited to go to the Lima Bean tonight, apparently they're having karaoke nights now."

"By Blaine?" He said turning to look at me; I nodded. "Then why are you inviting me?"

"We're friends." I said standing up from my bed. "We can hangout too." I went over to my wardrobe to look for a change of clothes.

"If you say so." He said sitting down at his desk and opening his laptop. "But you owe me if I'm doing you this favor." He said winking at me. It wasn't a favor, I just thought maybe he would want to come with me. This is what I get for being nice. Shut up Sebastian, you know you wanted him to go with you.

When we arrived at the Lima Bean, most of the New Direction's stared at us, probably because I was here with Hunter and not Blaine.

"Hey Sebastian." Santana said walking up to me. "Whose your friend?"

"This is my roommate and co-captain of the Warblers, Hunter." I said introducing him.

"Pleasure." Santana said extending her hand and shaking his, but not a friendly hand shake, more of a menacing one. "Did Blaine invite you?"

"Yup." I said putting my hands in my pockets and walking towards an empty table. Santana followed me to the table. "So what are you singing tonight?" She said sitting down.

"Nothing. Not in the mood." I said calling over a Barista. "Two medium drips." I said when the girl took my order.

"Sebby!" Britt said sitting down next to me and hugging me. "Blaine, you look different." She said looking around me to Hunter.

"Excuse me?" Hunter said raising an eyebrow. I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped my mouth. God, I loved this girl. "I'm Hunter." He said, confused as to what Britt meant by what she said. Did I spend that much time with Blaine that everyone assumed I would just always be with him.

"Oh, I'm Brittany." She said smiling at him. "Where's Blaine?"

"I don't know." I said shrugging. The barista walked over to hand us our drinks, but before the cups could reach my lips in walked Blaine. With him. With Kurt. Blaine greeted everyone before walking over to our table.

"Hey guys." He said looking at Kurt and his stupid face. "I didn't think you would come." He said nervously, probably regretting bringing Kurt. Good.

"Well, we're here." I said smiling at him. "Hi Kurt." I said not looking at him.

"Hello Sebastian." He said holding out his hand, which I completely ignored. Something about his tone screamed 'fake'.

I expected them to walk away, but what I didn't expect was Kurt to sit down. Did he purposefully want to make this awkward? Technically, I was doing the same thing though. I came here to look for a fight. One wrong move from Kurt and I had a reason to beat the crap out of him right? It was logical.

The night was kind of entertaining, except for the horrible duet Kurt forced Blaine to sing with him. Blaine was impeccable, but Kurt on the other hand.

"Why don't you sing us something?" Kurt said to me sitting down. Why don't you stop being a bitch?

"No thanks." From the corner of my eye I could see Hunter giving Kurt a look. He didn't seem to be too fond of him either. The entire night, Blaine had been silent, not saying a single thing.

"Blaine! Sebastian!" Tina and Sam both said sitting next to me.

"What's up guys." I greeted.

"Hey Hunter." Tina said acknowledging him. Hunter greeted them, but I could tell that they were still tense. We were rival show choirs after all.

"What're you singing tonight?" Sam asked.

"Hi Sam, Hi Tina." Kurt said raising an eyebrow at them. My expression was blank, but inside I was laughing at the fact that they hadn't even noticed him.

"Hey Kurt! How have you been?" Sam asked before turning to look at me. I couldn't lie, it brought my amusement at how nonchalant they were towards Kurt after his little out burst last time he saw Blaine and I. But we were together then. Now it was a different story.

"Where's Rachel?" Tina asked.

"She's with Finn." Kurt said

"So, what're you singing!" Brittany said, both blondes looking directly at me.

"I have the perfect song." I said smiling at them. "Hunter," I said turning my head towards him. "Care to join me?" I winked at him, laughing inwardly using the same line he had used earlier that day.

"Why not?" He said shrugging. He didn't really seem to care.

"Hey everyone. Hope you like the show." I looked at Blaine before I started singing.

(Sebastian)
I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did

And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

(Hunter)
Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the skyline
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
I know, I know

(Sebastian)
And now when all is gone
There is nothing to say

And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the skyline
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible!
Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

(Sebastian and Hunter)
I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the skyline
All we had is gone now

(Sebastian)
I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did...

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Blaine said when we got back to the table.

"Yeah?"

"In private." He said standing up and walking outside. I stood up to follow him, feeling Hunter and Kurt's eyes on my back.

"What is it?" I asked crossing my arms and leaning against the wall.

"What's with that song?" He said sitting down on the bench, turning his head to look at me.

"I like it." I said shrugging.

"Really? So it wasn't just a song meant to be a jab at me? It wasn't supposed to feel like a slap across my face?" He said looking forward. He wasn't angry, but his tone was frustrated. "Why exactly are you mad at me?" He said turning around to look me in the eyes. "I didn't do anything wrong. Kurt...he means n-nothing to me." His last words solidified all the doubts I had after seeing them in the bed together.

"You hesitated." I whispered looking down at the floor. Blaine stood up and started walking towards me, but I stopped him by placing my hand on his chest. He knew he was in the wrong this time. I wasn't always the bad guy. Sometimes I was the one to get hurt.

"Sebastian..." He started.

"You hesitated." I said slightly louder. I hope the hurt in my voice was all in my head, because being weak wasn't something I wanted to seem right now.

"No! I didn't. He doesn't mean anything to me. He's my ex and that's it."

"Blaine." I said holding his hand. "Look me in the eye and tell me I have nothing to worry about. Tell me it's all in my head, that you don't still love him. Tell me that you are one hundred percent over him. Lie to me." I didn't care that I sounded desperate by this point.

Silence. A silence that was so loud it felt like it was cutting through me.