Subject: Edward Cullen aka The Womanizer
Chapter Twenty-Seven – Ready To Forgive
I felt Bella tense in my arms seemly frightened of her own words. She sighed and looked up at me momentarily. She scrunched her nose, "You smell." I burst out laughing and kept her at arm's length. "Sorry, but you do," she reminded me as I blushed.
I nodded in agreement. After my jog and seeing Becky on the beach, I watched the videos and quickly packed my belongings and left. I hadn't given myself a chance to shower, which I explained to Bella.
Bella walked over to the front door where my bag laid. She grabbed it and rolled it toward the laundry room. Damn it. Cleaning seemed to be something she did when she had to think. I'd seen her do it often. I followed her and helped her put my dirty clothes in a load. She took out my laptop and looked up at me in question.
"Yes, I watched the videos."
Bella looked away. "So you know your tell?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "Yes, my nose twitches when I lie." Bella nodded and her frown deepened. "Bella, what is it?" I asked, taking her face in my hands. I gazed into her sad eyes, trying to decipher her emotions. Had I ever been able to decipher them?
"Now I won't be able to tell if you're lying."
I sighed and dropped my hands from her face. "I've never been able to tell if you're lying," I countered. I turned away not ready for the conversation we need to have, but I knew we couldn't keep stepping around everything. "Bella, in reality need to have every conversation we ever had so that I'd know the truth."
"I told you I couldn't lie to you after I realized I had feelings for you."
"Yes, but you also said that you had to give me half truths." Bella pursed her lips for a moment but nodded in agreement. "What were the half-truths?"
"Mostly my past relationships," she said quietly. I balked. Had she lied about the number of men she had been with? Bella shook her head. "I know what you're thinking and the answer is no. I didn't lie about how many men I have been with. But –" I groaned, because I wasn't I wanted to know. "Calm down. I went on a lot of dates. Nothing really progressed past a second date much less first base. "
"What is a lot of dates?" I asked through gritted teeth. I closed my eyes as various images of Bella with other men played in my head. Though I had no real reason for my anger, considering I'd done much more than kiss the women I had been with. And I would never consider what I'd done with them as dating.
"About a third of what you fucked," she seethed, her anger getting the best of her.
I snapped my eyes open. What the fuck? Why? "And you call me a womanizer?" I said accusingly, pointing a finger at her.
Belle shrugged and rolled her eyes. "I didn't fuck all of them, Edward," she said. It was another fucking reminder about my past. Was that always going to come back and haunt me? Yes.
I didn't understand why she had dated so much. "So what, you strung them along?" At least I had the decency to make it clear up front with all my former fucks. Back then they knew I wouldn't call them back.
"That's one hundred twenty-three men since I started dating, Edward. Not just in the last few years."
"I have a gut instinct that you're keeping something from me."
Bella shrugged. "I was too nice back then. I had a really hard time saying no when someone asked me out. After a while, I used dating to search for more assholes."
"So you used them."
"No, I just tend to analyze everything, Edward. It's what I do. Once I took on a subject, I concentrated on only him. You have to understand that all of my subjects, apart from you, all sought me out or I stumbled across them."
"And what makes you think you had the right to fix them, Bella?"
Bella groaned and sighed. She wobbled as tried to make her way toward the couch. I grabbed her around her waist and helped her. I could see that she still too weak. Once we were both seated, I started to massage her feet and legs. Her eyes widened and softened when I only offered a smile for an explanation for my actions.
"They asked me to, Edward," she said after a few moments. "Maybe not in so many words but they did. I saw it in their eyes, or in the eyes of their families. When Maria was beaten and I was almost raped, Julian pleaded with us to walk us every day to our apartment. He refused to believe who was the one that attacked us, but deep down a part of him had. He admitted it to me later and felt that he was the cause and it nearly killed him with guilt."
I nodded as the information sunk in. Had I ever felt guilty for the trouble I'd caused my family or the company? Unable or maybe unwilling to find the answer within me, I asked something else that bothered me.
"Why would they do this to you? Why would Alice and Jacob push us together?" Let's fucking face it, baby, they didn't do you any favors. I was an asshole.
Bella turned, removing her feet from my lap, and taking my hands. "All of them had ulterior motives," she said thoughtfully. "Don't get me wrong, I eventually put two and two together. When we declared ourselves in front everyone that night at the club, Alice and Jacob thought it was best to come clean." I nodded and squeezed her hand, encouraging her to continue.
"Do you remember how they started to talk about marriage and babies coming in three's, I panicked," she said firmly. Her hand shook as she continued to explain. "I thought that marriage and having children would never happen for us once I told you the truth. They were trying to figure out what was the best thing to do."
"Are you telling me you would've told me that night if Tanya hadn't poisoned your drink?" She nodded. I had no idea how I would've taken the news then.
Bella took my face in her hands, staring at me intently. "I've wanted to tell you before my birthday. I had planned on telling you the night we returned from the falls. But I was exhausted after the confrontation with Jordan. I thought it was best to wait. Then it seemed every time I was ready to sit you down to talk about it, something or someone stopped us."
"I stopped you a lot, hadn't I?"
"Yes, but at the same time I was frightened, Edward. I couldn't bear to lose you. I hadn't fought when you desired to remain in the dark. Never in a million years would I have wanted you to find out that way."
The silence stretched between us for a few moments and when her eyes softened, I knew she'd come to some decision. She leaned toward me slowly, awaiting approval as her lips sought mine. I closed the distance between us and pulled her closer as her lips molded against my own. God, I needed that, the connection we had intensified with the intimate touch. I groaned softly, gliding my hands up and down her back. After a minute, Bella sighed and placed her head so that her nose nuzzled my neck.
"That night when I found my files it felt like my heart was torn to fucking pieces. How can I come back from that? When I grabbed the bottle of vodka, I wasn't thinking. I wanted to drown away the pain that not only my heart and body felt, but also my damn soul. I felt the pain deep inside me where only you have been present."
Bella whimpered against my neck but I continued. I wasn't telling her what I felt that night to make her feel guilty. However, she needed to know why I reacted to her as I had that night.
"Most of the night, while trying to dull the pain, all I kept thinking was that it wasn't real. I thought that you never loved me. And if you didn't love me, then surely what I felt for you wasn't real either. That false realization scared and hurt me the most. I wanted more than anything was someone to love me like I thought you had. I wanted nothing more than to feel the love I felt for you every damn day of the rest of my life. Then…God, those files pointed to a false reality. After the first two videos, I stopped watching. I was so fucking angry and then I tore through your office. I was ready to leave and fucking run or go out and continue drowning but something was keeping me there. A part of me, my heart was desperate to see you again. I thought that if I looked into your soulful eyes, I'd be able to see if something was there. Even if you felt a fraction of what I felt for you, then I thought 'I can work with that.' I think that's why I didn't allow you to talk much when you came home that night. I wanted something tangible, and your words wouldn't have been enough."
Bella sighed. "I barely fought back because a part of me felt like I deserved it."
I whimpered suddenly, remembering the bruises I'd put on her. "Why, Bella? Why didn't you fight me? I fucking tore that necklace off of you." With a trembling hand, I lifted her hair up and sobbed harder when I saw the thin scar across the back of her neck. The necklace hadn't only bruised her; but it cut into her. I'd done that to her. Unable to come to terms with what I'd done, I pushed Bella off my lap and onto the couch beside me. I didn't deserve to have her in my arms.
When I heard her whimper beside me, I numbly thought that this self loathing shit would makes matters worse. I heard her sigh and get off the couch. She was angry at me and had every right to be. No one deserved to be treated the way I had. No one deserved to be handled so harshly. She had to hate me still.
I silently cried, burying my face in my hands. God, can't I do anything right? I had done something again without thinking about it first. If I would have paused that night, would it have gone a different way? No, nothing would've stopped me from leaving that night. She'd been lying in a bed, pregnant, pale, sick, and crying and I still left.
Fuck, I'm an asshole. I knew if the tables were reversed, I wouldn't forgive me. Fuck, I'd kick her ass. Why wasn't she kicking my ass? Why? Maybe it was because she didn't love me, and it was a part of the twisted damn game. I wish there was a way I could read her mind. I needed something that would let me know how she felt about me.
After a few agonizing moments, I felt her hands on my knees. I looked up and saw her beautiful brown eyes on me. I stared into them, trying to decipher the meaning behind them. They were telling me what I've wanted to know since I arrived. That she fucking loved me. She loves me. Even though I left her and our baby and even after I hurt her physically and emotionally, she still loved me.
Why? I shook my head in disbelief. Bella took my face in her hands, forcing my eyes back to hers. With the very tips of her fingers, she traced every feature of my face.
Her eyes never wavered from my own as she continued to become reacquainted with my face. At first her expression seemed reserved, but slowly it started to turn to something else. Brightening as the corners of her lips started to lift in an undeniable smile. Once her fingertips stopped where they first started, she leaned in and placed a kiss along my jawline. She followed the same path her fingers had. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to be become reacquainted with the feeling of her affection.
Her lips lingered over a closed eyelid, my lashes fluttered against her skin. Her lips continued the circuit and feathered over my lips. I sighed and relaxed, finally letting go.
I kissed her with the need to be closer, that she is still there with me, and that she still loved me as I loved her. Bella sighed as my hands held her face gently, and I applied more pressure to the kiss. Her hands slid from my face and into my hair, gently running through it.
After a few moments, her lips parted and her scent and taste hit me hard. God, I needed her – all of her. When she took my bottom lip in between her lips, I groaned and allowed her to deepen our kiss. It'd been week since I last kissed her that way, it seemed infinitely longer.
She moaned when our tongues met, and I had become acutely aware that she was on her knees. And she should never be – ever. She was my equal and I wanted her at the same level. I ran my hands down her neck and shoulders and wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her onto my lap.
When we pulled away to breathe, Bella rested her forehead on mine. My hand slid up her back and I started to rub the nape of her neck. Though there was little tension in her position, she melted further.
"I have phone calls to make and you really need a shower." She chuckled as I pouted, taking it between her teeth and nipped it gently. Before she had a chance to pull away, my arms circled around her tightly. I was scared to let her go. Afraid to break the bubble we'd been while sharing that kiss. In that way, I knew how she felt about me. It'd always been easy to express our feelings through intimacy. It'd taken longer for me to see that love elsewhere.
"Edward?" she whispered as she rested her head on top of mine. I hummed, nuzzling my cheek against the crook of her neck. "Can you really still l-love me?" The edge, the fear was so clear in her voice, betraying the composure she tried to keep on her face.
"Always," I answered honestly. I wanted to ask her the same question but I feared the answer. I feared that if she did, it would mean that she was willing to take us further. If so, that meant that I needed to try and get past everything. I feared that if she didn't, that I would lose not only my best friend but the love of my life.
No one would equal her or compare. That scared me because I knew that I couldn't live a life without love, without her love. After a few minutes, I sighed kissing her neck softly. "Bella?" She replied only with a whispered word near my ear. "Can you really still love me?" My heart beat frantically, fearing the answer that could possibly change everything.
She didn't hesitate. "Always will, Edward, and with every fiber of my body and mind."
I had no idea how much I needed to hear those words. How much it would mean to me. Relieved, I nuzzled her neck, barely containing my emotions. Bella hadn't been fooled. She continued her ministrations, running her fingers through my hair and humming her lullaby. I crushed her to me and held as if my life depended on her. Bella pulled away as I started to quiet down and I was able to see the strain of the past week on her face.
The moment she moved off my lap, I missed her touch. Taking my hand in hers, she gestured for me to stand. Slowly, she guided me through the living room to the hallway. Once in the master bedroom, she led me to the adjoining bathroom. There she started the shower, then turned back to pull my shirt off.
She was trying to take care of me. I removed my shoes and socks, tossing them aside. We both helped each other remove every layer of clothes, but our eyes remained locked on each other.
As I stepped into the shower, I groaned when the hot water hit my shoulders. With my eyes closed, I allowed the water to flow over my face and head. It washed away the stress and heartache of the week. Bella gave me a little push so that I'd step further into the water. I shook the water from my face, rubbing my face. Though I knew she was close, I hadn't expected her to be that close. I opened my eyes to find Bella, reaching up to grab my bottle of shampoo. I groaned and willed my body not to react.
Bella laughed. "You know it's not working, right?" she said by my ear.
"Bella," I groaned as her hands started to wash my body.
"It's all right, Edward," she said reassuringly. "You should be aware that as much as I would love to show you how much I love you. We can't." My body stiffened when she said this. I knew it. She didn't want me because I had hurt her too much. She must've been aware of my dark thoughts, because her hands smoothed over my chest.
"Relax, Edward. It's not necessarily we can't. It's more like I can't. I'm supposed to refrain from that for a total of four weeks, because of the surgery."
I sighed and opened my eyes looking into hers. "Tell me about what happened."
Bella shrugged. "I have no idea."
My eyes widened. "What do you mean?"
Bella looked thoughtful for a minute. "I remember going into surgery then I woke up here in the apartment."
My breaths were coming out in gasps. Oh God. What if something happened? If she lost the baby, she'd…no I'd never forgive myself. "So you're telling me that you have no idea if the baby is all right?"
Bella looked at me and held onto my face, trying to calm me. "Edward, I know the baby is fine. I don't how I know, but I do." I took a deep breath and nodded. I told her what the doctor had said, about how she and the baby were in danger in her state when I'd taken her. "See, if he said that then the baby is fine."
I pulled in her arms and held her close. A slow hum rumbled from my lips, as I tried to come to terms with the fact that I was going to be a father. It still hadn't seemed real.
After our shower, we settled into our normal routine. We put my clothes from my trip to wash and made calls to have groceries delivered tomorrow. Neither of us was in the mood to cook so we ordered take out. "Go pick up the food and I'll make a few calls," Bella said a few minutes later.
I looked at her, curious on why she seemed nervous. "Who are you calling?"
"Nessie and Jordan," she replied, then looked up to meet my gaze, "And Carlisle."
I nodded but averted my eyes. She seemed to be waiting for me to say something. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "I'm not ready to forgive them. I barely can manage to get passed what you –" I trailed off.
She pecked my lips and said she understood. I walked over to pick up dinner from the local restaurant we usually ordered from, grabbing a nutrition pamphlet from beside the cash register as I waited.
On the way back, I thought that how strange it seemed that Bella and I could just go back to the way we were before. However, upon further analysis, I went over our conversation and confrontation and realized that we barely touched the surface of our problems.
We had trust issues. We had family issues. We had intimacy issues. We both had abandonment issues. All that meant that we were both tiptoeing around everything, wanting it not to have happened. The reality of the situation told me that it had happened and we both needed to deal with it.
For the moment, I was thankful that she was willing to talk to me. She was willing to share her thoughts and share what little thread we had that held us together. We needed to help strengthen it.
I had to try. Not only for our unborn child, but for the love that I knew I had felt for her. It was a love that I was unwilling to let go. I needed her like I needed air. Most of all, I needed her to love me.
Love me even though I get all Neanderthal and go ballistic if a guy looked at her for a beat too long. Love me despite that I left her when she needed me most – twice. Love me when I had, in fact, scarred her. Not just physically, but emotionally. Love me despite the fact that I fucked three times the number of men she dated. Love me for me.
She loved all those little things about me. I remember when I asked her why a few weeks ago.
"Love, why do you love me?" I asked, nuzzling my nose in her hair. I heard her sigh as she shifted closer. I wrapped my arm around her naked torso, pulling her back to my chest.
"I love lots of things about you."
I squeezed her hip, encouraging her to continue. I was a little nervous about the question. I felt that I needed some type of reassurance that what she felt for me was more than physical attraction.
"Let's see. I love the look in your eyes when you're concentrating really hard on something. I love that you still use the childhood bookmark your mother made you when you read. I love that you sometimes struggle with words when you want to say something cheesy and mushy. But yet you can express just as strongly how much you love me when we make love to me or compose a beautiful song. We love the same TV shows, even the reruns. I loved that you stood beside me this morning and helped me make breakfast and enjoyed it. I love that you pull me closer after you're sated. Not many men do, you know?" I squeezed her harder and kissed the nape of her neck.
"I love –" Bella trailed off and sniffled.
"Bella?"
"Edward, I don't think I'd survive without you anymore," she confessed, letting out another small sob. I wrapped my arms around her and turned her body to have her face me.
"You'll never have to wonder what it would be like, love. I'm not going anywhere." I tried, to reassure her. She nodded and kissed me softly.
I hadn't known then what had her so upset. However, with the truth out, I had proven to her that I couldn't handle the lies and deceit. She believed without a doubt that I would hurt her again.
I vowed as I strolled into her building that I would do anything in my power to make sure we were never apart again. I leafed through the nutritional pamphlet and was shocked and disgusted by the fat and sodium content. Yeah, Ms. Bella we were going to have to talk about this Chinese food habit.
I shook my head as I made my to the apartment door when I heard a strangled scream from inside our apartment, "Jordan, please!"
I rushed inside and found Bella on the floor beside her phone on her knees in hysterics. There was no one on the other line when I picked it up. Gently, I pulled Bella up and wrapped my arms around her, lifting her into my arms. Tears streamed down her face as I sat on the couch with her in my lap. "Bella, please love. What happened?"
Her body trembled as sobs racked through her. "He won't talk to me. My own flesh and blood won't talk to me."
Jordan. How could he do this to her? That was too fucking much. I could understand being upset, but God she was his sister. Despite what he'd done, Bella still stood beside him. Nessie and Bella were the only family Jordan had left. What the fuck?
Family was supposed to stick together. Family was supposed to stick together. Fuck. Damn the "Bella voice" was back, fucking with my head. I shook away the thoughts, concerning my own family and focused on Bella.
"Love, it's all right. He'll come around. I'm sure of it," I said in the most soothing voice I could. She shook back in the forth on my lap.
With everything that had happened, I knew I wasn't going to be able to help on my own. She needed professional help. She had been through too much and she hid most of her emotions behind the carefully constructed walls she created to complete her job for far too long.
With the overload of hormones and fresh pain that we both caused recently, it was bound to blow-up again. And frankly, I couldn't stand for her to get lost in her head again. She wrapped her arms around my neck, sighing and forcing her sobs to quiet.
"Edward, I don't know what to do," she whispered. "That hasn't happened to me before."
"That happens to most of us on a daily basis sometimes, Bella."
"Ugh, I don't like feeling like this. I'm trying, really I am. But it's so hard to just let everything out." She was still struggling to keep her emotions in check, and it wasn't what she needed. She needed to let go, for once.
Her phone rang beside her and she checked the caller id and answered, "John, oh thank God." Bella bit her lip as I looked at her questionably. "A colleague, a therapist." She shook her head and hopped off my lap.
If she was seeking help, I wouldn't get in the way, but I'd let her know I was there to support her. I arose to my feet and took her hand.
Though I wasn't privy to the entire conversation, I knew that it was someone she'd spoke with before. Bella sighed and closed her eyes. Her other hand clenched and unclenched several times in my own, before she answered. "Dr. White, I had another episode. I need a referral to someone in Seattle."
She relayed the information of how long she'd been in that state I'd pulled her from, even indicating that it wasn't a blood trigger that caused her to close herself up. Bella mouthed, "My therapist in California." I nodded and squeezed her hand a little.
Bella gave him the information of Daniel's shooting, but how she managed to come out of her trances the incident had triggered. And she called me her anchor.
"This was triggered likely because I had to have surgery again." My eyes widened when she said that. She had surgery before? "And I just got lost after that. Though I think the fight I had between my boyfriend and my brother was the breaking point." I grimaced and her eyes glazed over with fresh tears. "Yes, I remember when they told me I couldn't have children in a few years. But I could have children, considering I'm pregnant."
My eyes widened again and fucking tore my hand from hers. What the fuck? Was there some kind of risk that I'm not aware of? What the fuck? What else has she not told me?
Bella's eyes started to water more, and I felt my resolve crumble. But fuck, she needed to know that she can't keep shit like that from me. I pressed the button on the speakerphone. It was time I knew everything about Bella, whether she liked it or not.
"Well, I guess I can see the reason why you slipped into a catatonic state. Your mind's own self defense mechanism was protecting you from your loss, your possible future health and your overwhelming need to bottle up your emotions. I'll get back to you tomorrow when I look into someone that can help you."
"Thank you, Dr. White. Sorry for disturbing your evening."
"Nonsense, Bella. You know what you mean to my family."
"How are Reese and Anna?"
"They are happy as ever. The little one turns four months next week."
"I'm happy to hear that, John. Tell them all I said hello. And tell Reese that I expect some pictures in my email soon."
I heard the doctor laugh a little. "I would think with the weekly dose of images you get from him and Anna you'd be sick of us."
"Never John, you know I owe you so much. You helped me a lot while I was in California."
"Yes, darling I may have helped you. It was the least I could do after what you did for Reese. He's better person because of you."
Bella smiled and I fucking scowled. Fucking hell! He was another damn subject with a fucking happy ending. Where the fuck was mine? I was still fucking waiting for the unicorns and rainbows. After the hell I've been through for the past week, you'd think I deserve that.
I looked at Bella who averted her eyes and wiped a tear from her cheek. I sighed, pulling her against my chest.
"Now is it safe to presume that it will be only you going to therapy or would you like me to look into family therapy for you and your brother?"
"Just me for now, John." I looked at her as she spoke and kissed her forehead.
"Dr. this is Edward, Bella's …fiancé…uh… boyfriend. Actually, I have no idea what I am at the moment. Can you look into finding someone for couple's therapy?"
It was something we needed to help us get past everything, and something we couldn't do on our own. Bella gave me a watery smile and tightened her hold on me.
"Bella?" the doctor said like a question.
"Yes, John. And someone for couple's therapy on top of one for myself."
"All right, I'll email you a few recommendations and I better hear from you soon."
After Bella confirmed her email with her former therapist, she turned to look at me. I cocked an eyebrow, pointing toward dinner that I arranged on the coffee table in the middle of her living room. Just like the first time we had dinner together there.
Suddenly her features, including her small smile, fell. I realized my mistake. Daniel. That first night we sat and had dinner there, Daniel had just left. "I'm sorry, love. We can eat in the kitchen."
Bella shook her head. "No, Edward. I need to get past this. I need to move on."
I nodded and helped her sit on a pillow and handed her favorites, picking up something for myself. "Just to let you know this is the last time you eat Chinese food while you're pregnant."
Bella scowled. "Why?"
"Do you know how much MSG is in the shit?"
Bella huffed and pursed her lips. "If I have to give it up so do you. I'm not about to watch you eat it while I'm eating some rice cake or something."
I laughed, because she looked so damn adorable pissed. Her eyes rolled and she turned away from me completely, ignoring me. I sighed after a few minutes of tortuous silence. I pulled her into my lap. "Please don't turn away from me. I know it's been only a week since I last seen you but it felt infinitely longer. I can't stand not being able to see your beautiful eyes."
Bella looked up at me and scrunched her eyes closed. I chuckled, kissing her eyes a few times coaxing them to open. Her eyes fluttered open and she rolled them in annoyance. "Fine, no more Chinese food."
"Now that you're no longer mad at me for banning Chinese food, I think we need to discuss the conversation you had with your former doctor."
Bella nodded. "I had gotten sick several years ago, anemia. After a few tests, they were able to determine that they were fibroids. I had medication, a few surgeries to help combat the problem. The only thing is it wasn't getting any better. Before I met you I was already on medication for months and nothing was shrinking them. I knew what my doctor was going to tell me."
"And what was that?"
Bella sighed again and looked up at me. "That this was the last time she'd approve another round of medication and surgery. And if they came back again, I would have to have a hysterectomy."
"So you wouldn't be able to have children?"
Bella shook her head. "That shit scared me half to death. I knew that I wanted kids eventually. My doctor told me that it was all likely that I would have to have that surgery in a few years at most."
I stiffened under her. What the fuck was she trying to tell me? That she fucking did this shit on purpose. We didn't use condoms because she said she was allergic. I shook my head and pushed her off again. Was she fucking lying to me again?
"What?" Bella asked with my sudden change in demeanor.
"What? You ask what? Did you –" I was shaking in my anger, though I wasn't sure why. Maybe I was pissed that the baby was created out of fucking deception and not about what we felt for one another.
Realization dawned on her face, her eyes widening. "God, Edward. Do you really think I would do this on purpose? I thought you were smarter. Fuck!"
I moved away, ready to just get the fuck up and leave. "Well, I find anything coming out of your mouth as of late to be hard to fucking believe."
"No, I didn't do this on purpose," she spat. "In fact, I'm fucking scared shitless right now. Like I said, before I don't know why you're here. Furthermore, I was on meds, I got piss ass drunk once, and I have no idea what the consequences of that will do to the health of the baby. Not to mention that this pregnancy will do to my own health. I didn't even find out I was pregnant until I was told at the hospital."
I shook my head; I was confused as fuck. She wouldn't purposely expose the baby to alcohol and medication if she knew if she was pregnant.
"I didn't even think it was a possibility until Sharon asked if St. Johns Wart had drug interactions."
I looked at her and took a few breathes. She was pissed as hell, pacing. She barely ate again and it was my entire fault for assuming the fucking worst. "When did that happen?" I asked not really caring but I wanted to keep her talking.
"The day of the gala," she replied.
I jumped to my feet, closing in on her. "God damn it, Bella. Are you telling me that you thought you could be and didn't even fucking tell me?"
"How the hell was I going to tell you something like that when you were already ready to blow up?"
I shook my head again and wrung my hand through my hair. I had done that shit to her, while she was pregnant. Fuck. I caused her to slip into the damn state of mind. I caused her to get lost in a world that frankly I would trade my left nut for at the moment.
My guilt was overriding my need to stay. "Fuck!"
"You know one thing I never even crossed my mind when I thought I was pregnant. The thought that I didn't want it, it never once crossed my mind to get rid of the baby."
"Fuck, Bella, I was confused and hurt beyond fucking repair at the time. I said the first thing that came to mind. I didn't mean it!"
"Edward, you had a week to go over your feelings and thoughts. I have had none. It feels like it happened last night to me. I think its best you leave right now. I need to be alone."
Fuck. Hell. I was in a hell again. My shoulders slumped in defeat and fell to my knees. I pulled her body close to me and buried my face in her stomach. "I can't leave. Please don't push me away."
"Edward, I think right now we're both too confused. We need step back for a while. I'm not saying that it's over. I'm saying that I need to breathe. I'm going to go to bed. The couch pulls out as you already know, so you're welcomed to stay. Please just give me time."
I nodded and kissed her tummy a few times and squeezed her hips before I rose to my feet. I kissed her forehead before I released her. Bella looked at me and caressed my cheek with her hand. She turned away and walked to her bedroom, closing the door behind her.
I sighed and cleaned up what was left of dinner and locked up. I had to do something to let her know that I was still here with her. I needed to show her that I wasn't going anywhere, not without her. But what?
I removed what I was wearing, down to my boxers and went to the linen closet in the hallway to grab a blanket. I stopped in front of Bella's bedroom door and strained to hear her. I wanted to know what she would dream about. Then I thought in all likelihood she wouldn't dream, she'd have a nightmare. I silently wished her goodnight.
I fell in a fitful sleep on the pull-out bed in the living room. My dreams were chaotic at best. My own thoughts, mood swings and just fucking raw emotion was giving me whiplash as they whirled around in my head. Sometime later, I felt the mattress dip beside me. I remained still not wanting to alert her. She sighed and draped her leg and arm around me.
"You can't fake sleeping, Edward. You've never been able to," I heard her whisper against my shoulder blade. I turned slowly, allowing her to able to move along with me.
"Well, there goes the Oscar. So why the late night trip to the living room couch? Not that mind," I asked, pulling her closer. She was wearing one of my t-shirts that had come out of the dryer earlier.
She buried her nose against my chest and inhaled deeply. "I'm too used to sleeping with you."
"Same here, Love."
"I'm sorry for not telling you. I guess I was a little scared you wouldn't want me if I couldn't have your children."
I sighed and shook my head. "Naïve and stubborn woman," I said softly. "We needed to communicate then and we need to communicate now. You should've told me. I slept beside you every night. What if something happened and I wouldn't have known what was going on?"
"I'm sorry. I guess I didn't see it like that."
I kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry that I accused you of doing this on purpose. I know that you wouldn't. You don't need me. Not really. Not like how I need you."
"Baby or not, Edward, I still need you."
I started to hum her song and kissed the top of her head inhaling the strawberry shampoo. "I need you too, my love. Now sleep."
She nodded. "Tomorrow, I need to get out and walk for a while. Any ideas?"
"The mall?" I suggested. Bella nodded and yawned, trying to stifle it with her hand. I chuckled and tightened my hold her. "Sleep," I whispered in her ear.
"Kay."
~oOo~
We awoke to the telephone ringing at an ungodly hour. I cursed as I rushed to answer it, not wanting Bella to wake up yet. I hit the speakerphone button, having misplaced the cordless phone.
"Mr. Cullen?" I recognized the voice of one of the security guards in the building. "A Detective Davis is here to see Ms. Swan." Oh fuck. I had quite literally kidnapped Bella from the hospital, at least to the eyes of the hospital. "He seemed upset and is on the way up. I couldn't stop him, sir."
I told him it was all right and hung up. I grabbed a pair of pants and walked over to a peacefully sleeping Bella. Gently, I shook her so that she'd wake. "We're about to get a visit from your friend from the police department."
Bella opened an eye and groaned. "They're never around when you really need them." She growled and took the robe I offered her. "I'm sure he's checking up on me, but I suggest you wait inside." I nodded and kissed her cheek gently. She smiled and made her way toward the door. On the other side someone started to pound on it. Well, he sounded pissed.
I gave her a small smile and made my way to the bedroom. There was some shouting at first, but it quickly quieted as Bella talked to him. I brushed my teeth, returned to the kitchen and started to pull out cereal and what was left of some fruit in the fridge to make some kind of breakfast.
Bella gave me a watery smile when she returned and pointed toward the hall. She returned from the bathroom, pulling up a bar stool as I plated some mangos and pineapple slices. I handed her a bowl of cereal, pouring the milk to just a third of the way like she liked it.
Bella smiled at me and a tear slipped down her cheek. I looked at her curiously, but she blushed and shook her head. We ate in silence, one of my arms wrapped around her waist as one of her hands sat on my thigh. We had decided to go to the mall. She said she wanted to finish her Christmas shopping since she lost a week. I groaned. I had some shopping to do, too, mostly for family, and I wasn't ready to think about them.
I still had to find something for Emmett and Carlisle. Was it really wise to go shopping for a gift when you're pissed at them at the moment? No.
Bella said I didn't have to go with her but that I was welcome to. I needed to go back to my place to get a few things, including my bank card. On my way out of her apartment, I grabbed a set of clothes, but I wasn't sure if I should take everything.
There laid the problem. If I took everything, it would seem like I wasn't planning on staying. If I didn't take everything, it will make it seem like I wasn't giving her a choice. However, she made my choice for me. When the load of my clothes had finished, she had taken the basket of my laundry into her room.
I let out a breath of relief and kissed her goodbye, indicating that I wouldn't be long. There was a wary look in her eyes and she bit her lip nervously. In fact, I'd say she was afraid of me leaving. I reassured her again that I'd return soon, earning a nod and a whispered goodbye.
Once I found what I needed in my apartment, I grabbed the Christmas gift that I had already made for Bella weeks ago. I opened the box, removing the jeweled CD with a picture of us on the label, titled, For My Life and My Love.
Encoded on the shiny surfaced were the lyrics I had written to accompany her lullaby. I had performed and recorded it at a studio in Los Angeles when I visited recently for a business trip. Along with the recording was a video of me playing and singing her song. I sighed. My gift was no longer good enough. I needed to sing it to her personally.
That would require a piano and that meant I'd need to move my piano to her place. How the hell would I do that? Again, I didn't want to force myself upon her. Not when I had no idea what laid ahead.
I left my apartment with dozens of ideas on how to make up it to her, but nothing seemed grand enough. How does a man tell the woman, that he hurt so much, that hurt him in return, that you still love her?
When I returned to the apartment, I noticed that Bella wasn't there. There was a note on the memo center she had on the fridge that indicated that she needed something from her car.
I tidied up a bit in the living room and kitchen for a while. I realized that I'd been waiting for thirty minutes and Bella hadn't returned. Worried, I decided to check on her. When I approached Bella's assigned spots, I found her near where Daniel's had body laid.
Fearing a relapse, I rushed to her side and wrapped my arms around her. She buried her face against my shirt, clutching to me tightly. "I have … to get passed this … I can't have people drive me around." Tears and sobs were intermingled with her words.
"You did very well, Bella. Remember before, you couldn't even step out of the elevator. You'll get there don't worry, love."
Bella nodded and gave me the keys. "Can you get the packages in the back please?"
I nodded and helped her to her feet. It'd only taken a few minutes for me to grab all the festively wrapped packages from her car. The moment we stepped into the apartment and deposited the gifts, we left, much to Bella's relief.
We walked hand in hand around the large outdoor mall. There was a cool breeze that drew Bella's hair into the wind as we made our way through some of the vendors and shops. Her face lit up when she tugged me toward her choice of something sweet to eat.
The poor thing hadn't been able to eat even a quarter of the giant chocolate chip cookie. She pushed it away, closing her eyes. With they opened a moment after; she smiled at me and licked her lips. I noticed a smudge of chocolate she missed on her bottom lip, leaning in, I sucked the area in my mouth.
"Hmm, chocolate Bella. I like that," I whispered against her soft lips. Bella smiled, placing another kiss on my lips, boxing the remaining cookie.
Shortly afterward, we found a scrapbooking store, where Bella purchased several new albums and other supplies.
"Who is all that for?"
"Well, I want to start a scrapbook for my pregnancy. Then I wanted to get supplies for Alice's and Rosalie's books, too." She smiled then her eyes widened, after realizing what she said.
"What are you saying, Bella?"
"Last I heard before I left to New York was that they were both late. I don't know if they are pregnant since I haven't had a chance to talk to either of them." Bella shrugged and gave the cashier a credit card.
I shook my head in disbelief. Apparently, I was going to be an uncle. I groaned, because there was no way I could remain estranged with my family when there were children involved.
After, we climbed onto the escalator because Bella indicated she felt a little sore. I insisted on going home, but she refused, saying that she had been in bed for far too long, so soreness was to be expected. If need be, I'd call an early end to the day and claim exhaustion on my part.
Bella had managed to buy several gifts for certain members of my family, and even tried to get my opinion on things. I felt that she was trying to have me participate so that she'd be able to claim that the gifts were from the both of us. She was fucking stubborn and smart. I'd given in after she finally relented and allowed me to pay for the rest of her things on her shopping list. Seriously, the woman needed to learn to accept gifts.
Shortly after finding everything her list, we passed a store that sold maternity clothes. "Ugh, I don't want to buy maternity clothes. I'm a little scared I'm going to end up with twins."
I looked at her my eyes widening. "Twins? Why twins?"
Bella smiled wistfully, before answering, "I'm sorry my mother Renee and Nessie's mom were identical twins, which is the reason she looks so much like me. It skips a generation, according to my late grandmother."
I balked. Twins. Holy shit. Bella seemed to have noticed my distress and started to use a paper pack from the scrapbook store to fan me. I stood against a wall catching my breath.
"Bella, you're a twin," I offered. "So that would mean it hadn't skipped your generation."
"Yes, I am but I'm a fraternal twin, doesn't really count. My great grandmother was identical twin and her grandmother before was." She quirked an eyebrow and seemed to be lost in her thoughts. "Now that I think about it, I'm more likely since I'm a fraternal twin. Wow."
I might have started to hyperventilate. "Shit, two babies."
"Relax, Edward," she said sweetly. "I don't know for sure. We'll see in a few months. Perhaps even, if the doctor chooses to do another ultrasound." I nodded as I started to absorb the information. "Edward, are you okay?"
I nodded again, but still shocked. Why hadn't I thought of this? My eyes willfully met hers and suddenly, I pictured two copper head little girls with big brown eyes.
Bella smiled at me. "Yeah, I can picture them too." I composed myself and pushed myself off the wall, feeling a little dizzy and lightheaded. "Come on, Champ. You must be hungry, let's head on over to the food court."
She'd taken my hand in hers and wrapped it around her waist. With a light tug, she was in my arms and I kissed the top of her head. Her eyes met mine and delightful, naught smirk lit up her face. Then she placed her hand in the pocket of my jeans, giving me a little squeeze. I cocked an eyebrow which she returned.
So, she wants to play games, huh?
With a wiggle of my eyebrows and a matching smirk, I slid my hand into her back pocket grapping a palm full. She giggled and we walked with our arms around each other and groping the other's ass. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
At the food court, Bella grumbled all the way to a table with her food. She wanted a corn dog but after reading off the grams of fat she relented and settled for a grilled chicken salad with a light Italian dressing. And I had a slice of pizza.
When we settled at our table, Bella looked up at me and a worried look on her face. "Do you think I'm going to get fat and that's why you won't let me eat what I want?" She stabbed at her salad repeatedly and frowned.
I raised an eyebrow, because she knew better than that shit. "No, love," I said firmly, looking her squarely in the eyes. "It's healthier for you to eat better for you and the baby. Perhaps babies, remember? With your anemia it wouldn't hurt you to have more greens in your diet."
Bella scowled, but seemed to agree with me. "You're no fun."
I rolled my eyes, refusing to relent. She knew I was right. "You had a chocolate chip cookie. That's enough of that kind of stuff for today."
She glared for a moment then she smirked. "Well, if you're banning fun food from me then you have to stop, too."
"I can do that, but nothing is wrong with one slice of pepperoni pizza."
Bella smirked again, taking a napkin and pressed it on top of my slice of pizza. Her smirk became more pronounced as she removed the napkin and showed me the large amount of oil it managed to soak up in a couple of seconds.
Damn smart woman. I thought I had her.
I grumbled all the way to back to the table after I threw my pizza away and went to grab a salad. Bella laughed as I stabbed a piece of grilled chicken and some fucking iceberg lettuce. Damn her. "Fine we'll eat 'fun food' but in moderation."
Bella continued to laugh as she finished her salad and waited for me to finish, on my lap. I loved it when she didn't seem to mind being affectionate out in public. We finished our lunch and walked around a little more.
When we walked past a Gymboree, I stopped to look inside. Bella noticed and pulled me inside. Hand in hand we looked at all the tiny articles of clothing. I found a little pink dress with a scalloped collar and a lacy white hem. I touched it gently and loved the feel of the softness of the fabric.
Then it really hit me. I'm going to be a father. I'm going to be a father. Fucking hell. I'm going to be a father.
The situation was exactly what I wanted to avoid for so long. What would happen to the baby if something happened to us? The sense of loss the baby would feel would be as devastating as it was for me. I didn't want that. And even more devastating than that, would be the loss I'd feel should something happen to our children. Good God, how does someone come to grips with this kind of worry?
I had no doubt that I would love our children unconditionally. And that I would give our child all the love that he or she deserves, like my parents before they died. A part of me feared the future.
Beside the little pink dress was a frilly tiered white dress with a rose on the bodice. Bella noticed that I was once again in distress and had taken my face in her hands.
"Edward Cullen, I know that you're scared," she whispered, her eyes quickly filling up. "But this baby will be loved so much by not only you and me, but everyone else. If and I mean if something should happen to either one of us, the other will go on and give this child and all others, all the love and support that they will need to go on. If something should happen to the both of us, then our baby will have a family that will love him or her with just as much as love as we will give. We need to work hard to get to that place where we'll not only surround our child with our love but the love of others. Our Family, Edward, we need my family and your family."
And that simply, my salvation, my Bella brought me from the brink of another melt-down.
I knelt on the ground at her feet, pressing my lips on her abdomen. Her hands ran through my hair as I whispered, "I'm going to be a daddy."
Bella smiled as she replied, "Yes."
"You're going to be a mommy."
"Yup."
"We made the baby together," I stated. I wrapped my arms around her waist and laid my cheek against her belly. "Our baby."
She nodded. "Our baby." I bought that pink dress and the frilly one; something told me I'd need them.
~oOo~
The following day, Bella spoke with someone on the phone, seemingly checking in with the family. She hadn't tried to convince me to speak with my family, and I appreciated it, since I wasn't ready for that.
I'd been sleeping on the couch, since my return. Bella hadn't allowed me in her bed yet, and I was all right with it. She needed time to adjust to everything that had occurred. A part of me, a small part, felt the same way.
We talked, a lot. And I found out things I'd never known before. As a child, her incisors were pointy, earning the nickname Vampella. She had baby pictures to prove it, she was fucking adorable.
There was something she held back on and that was her former subjects. It had started sometime in college and I was curious, very curious. She'd met a majority of her subjects there. I bucked up and asked something I needed to know.
I shifted on the couch, where we'd spent most of the afternoon looking through our photo albums and watching television. Taking her hand a mine, a lifeline, since I knew the subject would probably up the tension.
"Bella," I said, waiting to turn her warm eyes to me. When she had I smiled warily, instantly putting her on alert. She needed it, or maybe I needed it. "Did you –" I exhaled harshly, relishing in the tightening of her fingers around mine. "Did you learn…No, that's not right. What I mean is…was there something you got from the relationship with your other subjects." I really fucking hated the term, but it was the closest description without sounding harsh.
"Hmm," she said thoughtfully, and I could see her gather her thoughts to answer. "I'm glad you asked that, Edward. Honestly, my previous subjects made me who I am today."
"What? How?" God, I'd known the conversation would not be easy.
Bella sighed and shrugged her shoulders, turning to look me square in the eye. "Are you sure you want to hear this?" When I nodded, she continued, playing with my fingers. A sign that she uncomfortable talking about the subject. "All right, Jacob. From him, I learned fierce loyalty."
I scoffed. That asshole was far from loyal. "Sweetheart, he was loyal to you until you tried to push him in the wrong direction." Rolling my eyes, I motioned for her to continue. "As for Julian, he taught me how to dance and everything that goes along with it." I looked at her confused. "Dancing helped with my balance issues. It also made me feel sexy and that gave me the confidence I lacked when I was younger.
"Let's see, there's Mark. Ha, he had a love a love for cars and taught me how to take care of my old truck. God, he loved to tinker with it. He always made me feel beautiful, even if I had a smudge of grease on my cheek. That boosted my self esteem a little, and that taught me to love me the way I am.
"Chris and Reese they helped find my two callings. Chris loved books and even though I read everything I could get my hands on, he taught me how to put my imagination on to paper. Reese helped me figure out where my next step in my career should be. I looked into being a therapist because of him and his father.
"As for the others, they helped me broaden my tastes. Different flavors if you will." Bella blushed and I understood. They helped release the little vixen she was in the bedroom. I didn't like the idea of that, especially since they were the most recent.
Ugh...had she performed tongs with any of them? "Tongs?"
Bella rolled her eyes. "You were the only one that fulfilled that advanced position."
I grinned, unable to keep it from looking smug. "Dominated?"
Bella nodded, causing my eyes to widen. "I didn't like it much, the loss of control. I prefer the more dominant one in the bedroom, but I've submitted as you have witnessed before. Well to an extent."
Fuck if I wasn't hard, thinking of her tied and blindfolded on her bed. Fuck that, I'd take her bound to the chair. Bella chuckled and brought me out of my sexy fantasy. "Champ, you better take care of that or you're going to combust."
Damn, I felt the strain of my erection against the zipper of my jeans. Bella pushed me onto my back and straddled me. I groaned and put my hands on her hips. "Not until the twelfth of January," she whispered against my ear, her breath hot and moist there. I grunted and moved her hips to grind her against my crotch. Fuck. It felt good and she wanted more.
She moaned softly, "Edward."
I stilled our movements, because the risks far outweighed my need. "I'm sorry, but a week seems like forever, considering how active we were."
Her eyes had closed with pleasure from the friction, opened to find heated eyes. "Well, at least you didn't attempt to go fuck me out of your system after our fight." I tensed, averting my eyes from hers. I felt her stiffen above me. "Edward, what did you do?"
She pulled away and stood up to sit in the chair across from me. Fuck. "I'm waiting. What the hell did you do after you left the Gala?"
Without her close, I started to pace. "Bella, you have to understand that I was pissed," I said firmly, my hands fisting at my sides. "I needed to forget everything, you. I wanted to forget everything." I paused not sure if I could go on further.
"Just spit it out," Bella said calmly, but in that calm I could see the underlying tension that was about to coil and spring.
I swallowed, knowing that whatever I said would be bad. Because it was, I knew if the situation had been reversed I'd be seething, too.
"I couldn't do it," I started, tugging at my hair as words continued to tumble from my lips. "I went to the club, took a few shots, danced with someone, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. I fought against the memories that poured out of my head, but they rushed through me one after another. Then the memory of our last night at the club," I whimpered, remembering the image of her convulsing, "I bolted the bathroom and I got sick."
"So, you didn't sleep with someone that night?" I shook my head, and I could see some of the tension ease out of her. "You didn't kiss someone else that night?" When I shook my head, she asked something I could not answer. "Would you have if you didn't get sick?" When I remained quiet, she knew my answer. I had no idea what I would've done if I hadn't gotten sick. Would I have left that club with some random woman, fuck her and pretend that Bella hadn't existed?
A part of me, no fucking way, but another part, the one that was angry said that it could've happened. Maybe that night at the club, but not after seeing her in the hospital and definitely not after finding out I was going to be a father. This would explain what happened with Rita.
Bella sighed, looking down at her lap. And I could see that there was still fear there. "After you left me at the hospital, in California?"
I winced, unable to meet her gaze. She let out a choked sob, causing me to stumble through an explanation. "I went to a bar that I gone to before, where I'd been with one of the waitresses there and I –"
When she started to shake her head, I knew she assumed the worst. "Get out!"
I shook my own head, my voice a plea as I continued despite her words. "I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't want to do anything."
"But she was there and she offered." Bella crossed her arms across her chest, looking at me with harsh eyes.
"Yes, but I told her that I wasn't interested. She felt sorry for me, I think. We talked when she recognized there was something wrong with me. She told me I just needed to let it go. And I did."
Bella's breathing hitched, cradling her face in her hands, sobbing. I knelt in front of her, encircling her as best I could.
"No baby. Not like that. I meant that I left and wore myself out. I ran and allowed myself be consumed with our time together. I analyzed everything, because I needed to. There were moments that there is no way in hell you pretended to love me. I tried to deny that those moments were real, but they were. If it wasn't for those memories, your videos, Becky pushing me in the right direction, I'd probably be in California feeling sorry for myself."
Bella shook her head. "I was in a fucking hospital bed both times you wanted to be with someone else. I under the first time, you were angry. But that second time, you went to a source that you already knew would give you what you wanted. And I was fresh out of surgery and in a fucking catatonic coma. Did you even check your fucking messages? Did you call?"
I shook my head, hating the pain in her eyes and even more, when she closed them. She effectively shut me out. "I need you to leave for now," she whispered. "I have to think."
I nodded, almost crying out when she pushed me away gently. "I'm sorry," I said desperately.
Bella shook her head. "I can't do this right now."
I knew she couldn't, but I refused to give up without a fight. I'd already done it, and regretted it with all my heart. Deep down, I knew she would've fought for me. "You lied to me and I'm willing to forgive," I said firmly, trying not to lash out.
Instead of responding harshly as I expected, she hurt me more with her question. "Tell me, Edward. If I hadn't landed myself in the hospital and you left to California, would you forgive me if I went out to forget you?"
I gritted my teeth. "I didn't do anything."
"No you didn't. But you thought about it. And I have to wonder if it was me that stopped you. Or if it was the fact that I'm carrying your child."
I shook my head and took her face in my hands. "No, Bella. It's not about the baby. It's not just about you either. I didn't want to and I didn't know anything about her. Not her favorite color, if she takes two creams and two sugars in her coffee, or she was working through grad school. Not even her last name, it bothered me."
Shocking me, Bella smiled and in fact, looked a little smug. I cocked an eyebrow in question, causing her to laugh. What's with the sudden mood swing? "It worked then. Sex means more to you now."
My shoulders slumped and I shook my head. Was that the reason I couldn't go through with it? I remembered what Julian had said at the club the night of the Gala.
"You don't belong here, Edward. I don't think you ever really did. You came in here, found someone and performed like a robot. Tell me… from all your previous experiences, did any compare to her?"
"No."
"Exactly. She made it more."
She made it more. The act had become more intimate and tied emotions to it. Would it be the same with another woman if I had even tried? I doubted it, not after knowing her for a couple of hours, like all the women before.
A part of me wondered if it was Bella. No one would compare to her, but if I had chosen to walk away, would I have reverted to my old ways? No. I knew I couldn't. Then I understood why she was so successful with all of her subjects. She made an act between two people and made it mean more.
I smiled at her and kissed her lips gently. "You're right. Sex doesn't mean just sex now. But from the moment you'd given me a part of you, it had been different. I think that was you."
She cradled my face as I thumbed the tears that still fell from her eyes. "Now that you seem to understand where I came from, I think it's my turn to say I'm sorry for I did to you," she whispered and kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry for not telling you the truth sooner, when I knew I should've. I was so scared to lose you. A part of me always believed that I would."
And I understood why she hadn't fought me when I expressed my desire not to hear about the secret she held. I also was aware that throughout our entire relationship she had the same ominous feeling that it would all end. I hated that part, and I knew it had to be even harder for her.
"But I think you need work a little to get me to forgive you for dancing with another woman." I knew what she was doing, hoping to relieve the tension that pressed us from all directions. There was a glint in her eyes, but beneath was pure exhaustion.
I smiled at her and pressed my lips on hers. "How's that?" She shrugged and angled her neck so I could access it easily. I grinned and pressed my lips on her neck, starting a slow circuit along her neck up to the sweet spot behind her ear. "How this?"
"Nope, still not enough," Bella quipped, much too coherent for my tastes.
I chuckled, because she tried to remain composed. But I noticed her knees trembling. "So what do I have to do to earn your forgiveness?"
Bella tugged at my hair and made me look up into her eyes, the fear prominent behind love in her gaze. "Forgive and love me," she answered in a desperate whisper.
"Already have and for always," I whispered back, closing my mouth over hers.
~oOo~
We spent the rest of the day sitting on her couch watching reruns of Friends, and then spent half the night wrapping up the Christmas presents. However, we both realized we didn't have anywhere to put them.
The following day we spent it resting, but she spent a few hours replying to emails and phone calls. I'd done the same, grateful that Carlisle sent me an email, anticipating my needs. He indicated that I could take the rest of the month and January off. He would be taking over while I was gone.
When I went to check on Bella, I found her arguing with someone. "We have to postpone," she said not realizing that I was there in the room with her. I stepped out, because it seemed important, whatever it was. "I know I'm under contractual obligation, but I hadn't realized I'd have to have surgery. I'm currently considered on disability. I can't be off gallivanting all over the states." She remained quite as she listened to whomever she was speaking with for several moments. She picked up her planner and leafed through it. "I can give you two weeks in February then March I'll begin. "Thank you and Merry Christmas, Karen."
Bella sighed and she seemed exhausted. Whatever the conversation was about had put a strain on her. I decided at that moment, not to bring it up. I knew it had to do with her writing, since it was her agent who she spoke with. We'd have a discussion later, but she needed to get some rest first.
The following day was the twenty-fourth and it was only going to be the two of us until dinner where Jacob and Nessie would join us. She wanted Alice and my family to come, but she knew I wasn't ready for that. A part of me feared that they'd burst the happy bubble that I so carefully constructed around Bella and me since my return.
Thankfully when Bella finished with her calls, she agreed to take a nap and rest before we had dinner. After I had tucked her in, I formulated in my head to help liven up the living room in the hopes to make my girl happy. For that, I need to Nessie and Jacob.
They were her family and I knew they would help. And help they did, arriving shortly after my call to help me set everything up, with reinforcements. We had to move some furniture around, but the warmth and comfort and just homey feel was well worth it. And if Bella loved it, it would definitely be worth it.
I was happy to say, it was easy to slip into a friendly mood when Jacob was so willing to make Bella happy. There was one more thing that needed to be done to make it perfect, and I needed their help again. We planned it all out. While Nessie distracted Bella while they prepared dinner, Jacob and I would leave to shop for last minute Christmas, a ruse to pick up her surprise.
By the time she emerged from her slumber, everything was planned out and my partners in crime had left. They promised to be here early in the morning to help with everything. Bella walked down the hallway, rubbing her eyes and stretching like a little kitten. I watched as she took in her surroundings.
Her eyes danced over the large Christmas tree in the corner, decorated with twinkling lights and hundreds of ornaments. Jacob, Nessie and I decorated the walls and hung lighted garland throughout the living room. Her smile widened when her eyes met the dining room that displayed a small tree filled with Disney character ornaments. Turning toward her library, she gasped when she'd seen my baby grand piano stood. When her eyes finally met mine, she cried out.
She ran the length of the living room and into my awaiting arms. "You did all this?" she asked her eyes wide with excitement.
"Yes, but I had a little help," I answered with a smile.
"Who helped you do all this?"
I laughed as I answered, "Your cousin, Jacob and a few of his buddies."
"Wow." Bella smiled and kissed my entire face with tiny kisses. I loved every second of it. Sweet torture. "I can't believe I didn't hear the pack here. Usually they are anything but quiet."
I chuckled and tightened my arms around her. "Yes, I agree with you. But they knew this was a surprise. Though, when we went shopping for things, they all had something to say." I remembered the glares I first received when they arrived. "They laid it all out for me. Apparently if I make you cry again, my ass is going to take one hell of a beating. They put all that aside for you, love. But mind you, they ate everything we had in the apartment that was edible. I had to send Emily and Sam to get more groceries."
Bella threw her head back and laughed. A sound I desperately missed and would do anything to hear it every day. I took her hand, walked her over to the over eight foot tree adorned with ornaments of our childhood. Nessie had Renee's ornaments put away since both Jordan and Bella had not put a Christmas tree since their parents died. I had done the same with the ones I had of my parents. I laid the box of my favorite ornaments from my childhood in her hand.
She smiled at me, gasping when she'd seen the dozen vintage white glass swans. "These were always my favorite," I whispered. I gently extracted one out and let it swing gently on its string. It was small, tiny and fragile, but beautiful.
"I named each one," I said softly. "One was named Alice since she had joined the family that same year I'd picked these out. I named one after my mother and the other after my aunt, Esme." I fingered each one until I got to the fourth one. "I couldn't figure out what to name the others. Then my mother asked why I liked them so much and I told her because they were beautiful. Then it hit me what to name the rest." I lifted another one and showed Bella the scrawled word on the bottom of it.
"Beautiful," she whispered. I nodded and put it back picking up the next one showing her again asking her to read it. "Bonita," she whispered, tears filling her eyes as they filled my own. I continued to read the word beautiful in different languages.
I lifted the last one and we both whispered, "Bella. Together we placed it on the tree. Bella's fingers lingered over the ornament. "They're beautiful, Edward." Her fingers skimmed over an old colored glass nutcracker.
Bella smiled softly as if remembering. "That's one of yours. Nessie said it's your favorite." Bella nodded, taking the ornament from the tree.
"It's not very old. I got it in California at an antique shop with my mother the year before she died. Pretty Woman was my favorite movie at the time." She laughed and lifted the ornament for me to see what was on the bottom. Edward was printed in Bella's script on a foot. She giggled then and said, "I always wanted an 'Edward' to be my savior." She placed it back on the tree and grinned.
"I'm no Richard Gere, love." I pulled her close, wrapping my arms around her.
"No, you're not, because you're so much better," Bella whispered and kissed my lips softly. I grunted out appropriate response, causing her to laugh again. "Thank you, Edward. I needed this. I hadn't done this for so long. A lot of the ornaments are from my parents and Brianna. I should have never hid them away. They're all too precious, and I know it couldn't be easy facing Nessie and Jacob again, so thank you."
That night, I held her as we slept in our bed.
~oOo~
As promised, Nessie and Jacob showed up early the next morning. I kissed Bella good-bye and told her I'd be home before dinner. She was nervous since Jacob and I would be together, but I assured her that everything would be fine. Jacob and I had taken Bella's car, but Jacob insisted on driving. I only agreed since I would drive home. Without someone else with us, tension filled the car the entire ride. I tried to ignore it and the silence.
However, Jacob turned down the stereo halfway to our destination. "How did it go last night?"
I rolled my eyes and sighed. Technically, I prepared myself, since I'd known he'd want to talk. Jacob was a bit of a chatterbox; at least he used to be. I grinned as I asked, "Did you forget who I am?"
Jacob laughed and flashed me a smile. "Nah, I didn't forget. Hell, who can forget when you charmed the hell out of the office administrator to let me have an extra week to come up with what was left of my tuition."
I chuckled, remembering the much older woman that easily succumbed to my charms. "Mrs. Cope was too easy in those days."
"I think you were the only one that could charm the pants off of her. No one has been able to since."
"Well, what can I say? I learned it from the best. My dad could always charm my mother. She could never stay mad at him."
"Thanks, Cullen. If it wasn't for you, I would've never made it through those last years of college." I nodded and smiled, and after a moment his smile widened. "Do you want to know about the time I stuck a frog in Bella's underwear when we were little?"
I laughed. "Do tell."
"You know she's going to kill me if I do."
"Ah, it's out secret, Jacob."
About two hours later, we pulled into the driveway of a small two-story house with a large tree in front. I sighed as Jacob turned off the car. "You ready, Edward?"
I shook my head, but hopped out of the car and made my way to the front door. I rang the doorbell, and in a few moments was greeted by a familiar face. She stepped aside instantly, as if she knew exactly what I was doing there and allowed me to pass. I walked down the short hallway and stepped into a bright yellow kitchen. Sitting at the small table, in his chair, was the reason I'd traveled for hours to see.
"Hello, Jordan."
He spun around in his wheelchair, face flushed and his jaw tensed as he glared at me. "What the hell are you doing here?" I felt so fucking welcomed. Didn't matter, I was determined.
"Trying to make my fiancée happy and you make her happy." Jordan shook his head, his jaw dropping and snapping shut several times. "We can do this the hard way," I said roughly, "Or do it the easy way, Jordan. Either way, I'm not leaving here without you."