Author's Note: …and so the story rolls on. Kakashi is pretty out of it in this chapter, but I think that is sort of understandable. It will come back to him soon enough, so don't worry; I plan on keeping true to the manga for as long as I can. I found this pretty tough to write, because Kakashi is an extremely complicated character and I was really struggling to look underneath his underneath.
Oh! And do tell me what you think about little Kakashi's conversation with Sakumo at the end. I was itching to include something super fluffy like, "When I grow up, I'm gonna be the BEST NINJA EVER! I'm gonna be just like YOU, DAD!" But I guess I'll just have to save that idea for another day XD
Chapter Eight
Stars
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He doesn't understand how, exactly, but suddenly he's just 'there'.
Because it definitely feels like he is Somewhere, Kakashi thinks blearily and with considerable effort, as opposed to Somewhere Else, which could be anywhere.
It doesn't help him figuring out where he is or what he is supposed to be doing, but that's okay, because he realizes fairly quickly that it also hurts like hell.
He can't be sure (and seeing that he can't even seem to pinpoint where the damn throbbing originates from, it's hardly surprising), but he has this strange, strange feeling that this might possibly be somehow significant. Maybe.
He's finally making a bit of progress, he thinks. But then it really starts to hurt in a way he just knows cannot possibly be natural.
Breathe, commands him a voice from nowhere that nowadays sounds a lot like sensei's. You know what to do. Ignore the pain and just keep breathi—
Yes, yes. He needs to breathe. He knows, just as he knows for a fact that Minato-sensei knows that he knows. Though Kakashi learnt fairly early on that sensei, too, has a thing about stating the obvious.
Besides, there is nothing overly-complicated in calmly assessing the damage and regroup. He just needs the worst of the pain to subside first, that's all.
(It always subsides.)
It doesn't subside.
Instead, it feels like his head is on fire while the rest of him is underwater. But he knows that he'll go for it anyway if he has to, because he's Kakashi and a Leaf shinobi, and a Leaf shinobi might be down but he's never out and Kakashi is not afraid.
(Whatever you do, don't panic. Don't panic.)
But he is forced to give up all thoughts on the kunai somehow not within his reach as it ought to be, when he can't even seem to find his own fingers.
(Breathe, Kakashi. Brea—)
Oh.
Suddenly, things make a whole lot more sense, and he could almost laugh out loud at his own stupidity. Because what is he even worrying about when, clearly, he must be dead.
This is the afterlife, it's the only logical explanation; a mission must have gone wrong somewhere, or maybe he was ambushed by enemy shinobi. It doesn't really matter anymore, though Kakashi isn't sure what he is supposed to feel about somehow being outsmarted and killed off, because it was bound to happen eventually sooner rather than later.
(Besides, some people even choose to put an end to their lives all on their own, so death can't be such a bad thing after all, can it.)
But now that he is here… Minato-sensei was definitely wrong about the choral singing and bright light at the end of some tunnel, and Kakashi can't help but to feel a bit disappointed in his Forever After. Not only is it dark and murky and extremely uncomfortable, but the—
Stars?
He's positive that they weren't there before, so he blinks again. But if anything, his vision clears.
The darkness above his head is scattered with tiny lights, and it instantly reminds him of her.
(Of course, it doesn't really remind him of her. It couldn't, because he was far too young to have made any memories of his own. But he used to say that she had loved the stars more than anything, and even after everything that happened in the years after, Kakashi never once doubted it was true.)
("—but how much is it? Is it a lot?")
("Yes, it's a lot, Kakashi. But she loved you even more.")
("Really? Even more than them?")
("Much, much more.")
("But how do you know?")
("I just know.")
("But how?")
("I'm a shinobi, Kakashi. Of course I know.")
("…I guess that is a lot.")
But then he senses someone, and the presence is so close and feels so familiar that Kakashi's mouth goes dry.
It can't be.
(But who else is there waiting for him? Who else?)
His throat feels unnaturally thick and his head throbs almost violently.
(He hasn't said it for so long.)
"Da—"
"Hmm?" And already he knows that something doesn't quite add up. "It looks like he's awake…"
The voice is all wrong.