Subject: Edward Cullen aka the Womanizer

Chapter Thirty-Two – That Feeling

Betaed by lisa89

Bella's breathing was coming out in short bursts, fanning across my naked chest. The closer we got to her departure, the more her dreams disturbed her. After my mother and Alice had taken over Bella's main duties, she'd had less work-related stress.

But the downfall was that she was no longer as busy as she'd used to be. This left her time with her thoughts and memories. Memories filled with abandonment, pain and blood. Yet, what she screamed at night was for me not to leave her.

My hand ran over her smooth back in an attempt to her soothe her whimpers and murmurs. Her leg that was draped over my hip had started to twitch, an indication that she had reached the climax of her dreams – running in search of me. I whispered her name and my love until her heart rate returned to normal.

A few nights prior, her dreams had caused her to tailspin into a panic attack, while I'd been playing my piano. I'd managed to calm her down, and she hadn't argued with me when I suggested an emergency session with her new therapist. I'd been asked to attend, since I was also battling Bella's nightmares.

Though her nightmares were mingled memories of her past – Brianna's and Daniel's deaths – I was always in the background. My presence was there to help her through the dream. But suddenly I would disappear from her dreams and that was when she'd fumble in the dark, searching for me.

That was when she'd wake up screaming.

Though she said she'd forgiven me and even understood why I'd had to leave, she still held on to fear. Bella had refused to take a mild sedative since she was pregnant. So, Bella and I had decided to start a nightly ritual in hopes of keeping her nightmares at bay. She'd hung a small dream catcher in our room that Billy had given her when she'd been a child. She'd drunk a glass of warm milk and listened to a mix of soothing music, and eventually we'd found a combination that seemed to quiet her dreams.

But she was leaving tomorrow, and I had no idea what her nights would be like.

She had me download Skype so that we'd be able to video chat as often as we could. For the first week of her tour she'd be on the east coast. With the time differences, I knew she'd be tired by the time I got home from work.

Bella had one full day off while in New York, a week into her tour, and she'd asked for me to join her. At first she'd mentioned the day off, giving me no real indication that she'd want me there. Finally, she'd relented and begged me to come, but she'd felt too selfish to ask at first.

Silly girl. I would have been there even if she'd hadn't asked. When I'd confirmed that I would love to go, she said that she'd planned a surprise for me. Being the perv that I was, I hoped it meant she'd be naked during most of my stay.

I had a busy schedule at work, and I was also going to be looking for our home. Rosalie had offered to help, since I didn't know my breakfast nook from my sunroom. Bella's list of requirements was room for a home gym, a library, her own office and, if possible, a way to expand. No small feat in this area.

Bella was beginning to stir, pulling me out of my thoughts. Her lips brushed over my heart, and she mumbled my name.

"Good morning, love," I whispered. I ran my finger through her silken strands and sighed.

"What is it?" she asked, looking up at me. She kissed my lips gently and waited for my response.

"You're leaving tomorrow."

Bella's eyes glistened, her emotions getting the best of her – something that had been happening more often lately. "I'll be fine," she said softly. She knew I was worried about her, and I had every reason to be. But that wasn't the only thing that worried me.

"Edward?"

I sighed deeply, running my hand down her naked back. "I haven't been without you in a long time, Bella," I said thoughtfully. "I have no idea how to sleep without you near me."

"You'll be fine," she said sweetly. "You slept just fine on the couch the other night." She grinned at me.

I scowled at her and the memory, swatting her ass. Last week her hormones had been so out of balance that she'd felt too hot. She'd slept naked, refused the covers, used a fan, and still she couldn't sleep. So, she'd promptly kicked me out of bed.

"Like I had a choice," I growled.

Bella sat back on her knees and threw her arms up in the air dramatically. "It's not my fault you're too hot."

I smirked, and then her bare breasts completely distracted me. I pinched a rosy bud between my fingers, rolling gently. "I am hot. Aren't I?"

Bella moaned and bit her lower lip as I continued my ministrations. It looked like we were going to have a really pleasant morning.

~oOo~

Bella was busy getting dressed warmly for our trip to the meadow. While she gathered her things, I grabbed her cell phone and found the numbers I needed. I committed them to memory before she came back out.

After she left I'd have enough time to set up my proposal, but I needed a little help. Alice had assured me that I didn't need a grand gesture to ask Bella to marry me and that something simple would be fine.

Where was the fun in that?

Thirty minutes later, we were on the way. Conversation was mostly about our family and work, but soon it turned to her brother.

"How was lunch with Jordan?" I asked, turning off the highway.

She sighed, but I could see a smile slowly appear. "He's doing well, and he came in using a cane," she said proudly. "He said he can manage using just the cane a few hours every day."

"I'm sorry I had to cancel on you two."

"It's fine, Edward. I told you that yesterday," she replied. "We understand."

"So," I said nervously. Jordan had asked us to lunch because he wanted to discuss something. Even though I'd cancelled on them, I hoped they'd talked. "Did he mention what he wanted to ask us about?"

"He asked when you're going to make an honest woman of me," she said seriously, and she broke out in laughter.

I growled playfully, bringing her hand to my lips, biting a finger. She yelped and pulled her hand away.

"He said that he wants to ask Julie to marry him," she said, sucking on her finger lightly. "I think he was looking for reassurance. He always thought he'd never get to this point."

"Well, that's great about Julie. He deserves to be happy."

"Yes, he does," Bella said, biting her lip.

"What's wrong, baby?" I took her hand in my own, soothing her until she visibly relaxed.

"It's just that both Jordan and I are hitting big milestones in our lives, and we're both happy."

"Is there something wrong with that?" I asked.

"No. I just wish our parents were here."

That I could understand. My parents would've loved Bella immediately. I brought her hand to my lips, kissing it softly.

"They're here, baby," I said. I carefully placed our intertwined hands on her heart. "They're a part of you."

Bella's eyes held unshed tears as she nodded. "So are your parents, Champ. I may have never gotten to know them, but I love them because they gave me you."

We slipped back into conversation, discussing ideas for Jordan's wedding. Bella had no doubt that Julie would say yes to Jordan's proposal.

This reminded me that I had to call upon her brother to ask for his blessing. I had hoped that the past month showed that I'd do anything for Bella.

"Oh. Can you please stop by your mother's childhood house?" Bella asked excitedly as I drove into Forks. I complied and soon pulled into the driveway. I parked, noticing several cars and trucks.

"What's going on?" I asked warily. I was fearful that someone had purchased the house. I had been so preoccupied with Bella and work that I'd failed to remember that I wanted to buy it.

"I bought it," Bella whispered, looking out the car window. She turned to face me and seemed nervous. "Please don't be mad at me."

I looked at her curiously. "Why would I be mad?"

"I made a big decision without you," she said softly. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

I smiled at her warmly, reassuring her that everything was fine.

"Yes," I said as I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Big decisions should be made together, but I can see how this would be a great surprise. This means more to me than you can imagine." I placed another kiss on her lips.

"That's me, full of surprises. Plus, I like keeping you on your toes."

I laughed and grinned broadly. "Of course you do. Or else you'd step on them."

She scowled at me before jumping out of the car angrily. I laughed again at her display of her kitten anger. In the past week Bella had become clumsier with each passing day. She had managed to stub her toe at least four times, hit her elbow twice and her knee at least once. She was a walking bruise.

I'd joked that maybe she should take up dancing again – now that I remembered, that was the night I'd spent on the couch.

I hopped out of the car and followed my brown-eyed beauty through my mother's childhood home.

The house was being fully restored to its Tudor craftsman style, along with some modernizing in the kitchen. Bella hoped that we'd be able to stay here when we needed a break from the fast-paced life of the city.

The hearth room was by far my favorite, with a large fireplace that took an entire wall. It had become my favorite because there was growth chart carved into the wood of the entryway. The chart showed both Esme's and my mother's heights since they'd been able to stand.

I touched each little notch and initial, wishing I could capture the memories hidden there.

Bella pointed to a group of notches level to my chest. There were three lines with initials beside each one. An "Es," an "El," and the last one was an "R."

"Your mother," I said, tracing the letter.

"That's what Esme thinks. She can't remember, though."

I smiled at my love, kissing her softly and thanking her for giving me something so lovely. "Come on," I said. "We should go to our meadow."

I had to admit, I was feeling overwhelmed. After my parents had died, I'd never looked back or even attempted to reach out to other living relatives besides my aunt.

Throughout the years I had lost great aunts, great uncles and my grandparents, but I hadn't cared. If it hadn't been for people like Renee, Esme and Bella, I wouldn't have this important piece of history that belonged to my mother.

"Are you all right?" Bella asked as we walked hand in hand to the car.

I shook my head, pulling Bella in my arms. I pressed her gently against my car, but held her close. I nuzzled her neck and kissed the soft skin there.

"I have no idea what happened to the house my parents and I shared in Chicago."

"Oh, that's easy," she said softly. I pulled away to look at her.

"Don't tell me you bought it, too?"

"No," she answered quickly. "I wanted to, but I found out Esme already owns it."

"She never said anything to me," I said firmly. "In fact, I remember her telling me that the house had been sold like I had asked."

Bella looked thoughtful before answering. "It was sold to her," she said, shrugging. "I think she knew you'd regret it one day if it hadn't remained in the family."

"Damn," I said. "I have one hell of a family."

"You do," she said. "We all love you very much. Let's go."

We walked carefully to our meadow, our arms filled with things. Bella held on tightly to me, carrying a picnic basket while I carried her art supplies.

I laid out a thick blanket over the waterproof tarp I'd brought. Bella was fiddling with her easel and setting up her supplies. She was happy that there was a light covering of snow around the meadow and trees. She joined me on the blanket after a while, lounging while enjoying some hot cocoa. I played with her hair while we shared some stories of our childhood days.

I watched Bella paint as I sat back on some pillows, reading one of her books. She looked around, taking in our surroundings while she painted. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were rosy from the cold, and she looked completely adorable in a beanie. Her hand swept across the canvas in both short and long strokes all while she bit her lip in concentration.

"Stop staring," she chastised.

"Can't help it. You're breathtaking." I watched as a few flakes of snow fell on her hair and long lashes. They melted, but Bella looked up to the sky and allowed more to touch her skin. I had to touch her. I had never seen her look as sweet as she did now.

I got to my feet and pulled her into my arms, scaring her a bit. She composed herself, wrapping her arms around my neck. I pulled her off her feet and twirled her around.

"I love you. I love you," I whispered in her ear. I threw my head back and cried it out, causing her to laugh.

"I love you, always," she said happily. She pressed her soft lips against mine, tugging on the hair at the nape of my neck.

"Always," I whispered between kisses. She moaned as one of my hands made its way to her behind. She giggled and nipped at my lips.

She cocked her head toward the blanket, wiggling her eyebrows. "Here?" I said.

"Yes," she purred. "I'd like to try something."

I laid her gently on the blanket as we both removed the buttons of our clothing. We both knew it was much too cold to go completely bare, but we offered each other access to be able to touch as much as we wanted.

Slowly, achingly slowly, she removed her gloves and scraped her fingernails down my chest and torso. I groaned as my body erupted in gooseflesh. My fingers gripped her hips, her delicate fingertips circling my nipple. She pulled away a bit and reached for something from the picnic basket.

"The snow is probably isn't safe to use here," she said, peppering my face with small kisses. "So, we'll have to make do with what we have." My eyes snapped open when she bent down and took my nipple in her ice cold mouth.

"Oh, fuck!"

Bella hummed and continued the delicious torture of hot and cold, until I was nothing but a writhing mess beneath her. She popped the top button of my jeans, and I groaned when I felt her warm finger on the head of my erection.

"Oh, please," I gasped as she moved away for some more ice.

She grinned wickedly at me, taking a sliver of ice in her mouth. She leaned down and drove her tongue into my mouth, the mixture of ice and the warmth of her tongue sending a delicious shiver through my body. She pulled the extra blanket over us as her clever hands removed my jeans and boxers from around my hips. Her sweet tongue left me panting, continuing from my lips along a familiar path. She continued taking slivers of ice here and there until she reached my erection. I hissed when I felt the iciness of her tongue against the slit of my cock.

I was at the breaking point as she wrapped her lips around me; the coldness of her mouth ignited me like a roaring fire. I bucked and writhed as she continued teasing me – iciness still on her tongue. All too soon I keened out her name as I shot cum in her mouth. Fuck, so good.

Bella crawled over my body after shifting my boxers and jeans back on. She looked very smug that she'd left me in the current state I was in. I growled and rolled her under me.

She giggled and snorted, snaking her still-cold hands over my bare chest and back. I nipped at her lips, and then I moved to grab a piece of ice. I wiggled my eyebrows and whispered, "My turn."

~oOo~

Before we left our meadow I decided to carve our initials, about eye-level, in a tree. I hoped that we'd be able to visit and see the growth of the tree – a symbol of our love. Her painting of the meadow in winter was beautiful, though her main focus was my parents' tree.

We left shortly after the weather and sky turned grey. Bella smiled groggily as I lifted her from our car. She had tried to stay awake during our ride home, but she was too tired. Her arms wrapped around my neck as I held her against my chest. "I'm sleepy," she whispered, nuzzling my neck.

"Sleep, my love," I said. I kissed the top of her head and carried her up to our bed. She curled up against my pillow, sighing. I watched her for a while and only left when I knew she was asleep.

I headed to our office and turned on my laptop. I started typing up a few letters after I'd made sure of the email address. I sent each one, hoping I'd get the response I was looking for. I tapped a few keys and started a search for Bella's ring. My initial intention had been to give her my mother's ring, but bad memories were now tied to that. I hated myself for marring something that symbolized my parents' love for one another.

But what's done is done, and it was time to move on.

I wanted something new, and something that was all her own. I knew I wanted a platinum setting, but I was torn between something more traditional or modern. Damn, I was really bad at this. I thought about it briefly as I clicked a few images – I'd rather shop for it in a more personal environment.

I sent Alice a message, and she texted me back shortly after. She sent me the name and addresses of three fine local jewelers and their website addresses. I searched through their online catalogs so that I'd be able to see the ones I liked at the store while Bella was gone.

I heard Bella's soft footfalls in the hall, causing me to quickly close up my laptop, and I went to meet her.

"Hey, baby," I said, wrapping my arms around her waist. She melted against my chest before turning to face me. "Are you feeling a little more rested, love?"

"Yes," she said before tiptoeing to press her lips against mine. "I feel bad that I spent hours sleeping today."

I shook my head and lifted her up to kiss her. "We have a lifetime to spend time together. Plus, you need to rest."

"I know," she said sweetly. "Rachel said she's sending a car for me in the morning."

"What time?"

"Nine."

"Hmm, that will call for an early breakfast in bed tomorrow," I said, playfully spinning her around.

"Mmm, sounds good," she said. "I'll take some orange juice, bacon and some scrambled eggs, please."

I chuckled, swatting her butt. "I'll see what I can do. I'm sure I could order something."

Bella laughed and squeezed me. "You're doing much better in the cooking department."

I kissed her sweet lips, finding them irresistible. "I have a great teacher," I said in her ear, and then her tummy rumbled. We both laughed. "Sounds like somebody's hungry. Let's put my newly acquired cooking skills to the test."

"I'm ready to lend a hand if you need one," she said, grabbing a handful of my ass. I rolled my eyes, swept Bella off her feet and carried her into our kitchen. I managed to make a great dinner, even though I almost burnt the garlic bread.

We decided to stay home on her last night, relaxing together. The previous evening we'd had dinner with our family. Emmett, even teased Bella about her book tour, asking if she blushed while doing a reading. He'd given her a t-shirt that said "Property of Edward Cullen" to wear while she was gone. I really loved that t-shirt.

While lounging, we talked about what she was expecting as far as fans and how they were handled at signings. I was worried that she'd get mauled, but she assured me that it had never gotten that crazy. I pointed out that her fan base had gone from eight hundred thousand to over two million since her last book had been released.

She told me that her manager and agents had taken all this into account. I'd already met the doctor that would be accompanying her on tour. I didn't like him. Had her agent really needed to pick a good-looking young doctor? Um, no, but she had. I knew Bella would never be unfaithful, I trusted her. I just didn't trust the hot shot prick who had smirked when Bella had bent over to grab a pen he had dropped. Asshole. I shook the unwanted thoughts away and concentrated on the here and now.

My head was currently on Bella's lap, her fingers running through my hair. We were watching some music videos, and occasionally her voice would start to join whatever artist was on the screen. I turned in her lap, and I kissed her belly. I wrapped my arms around her hips, nuzzling her soft stomach.

"Oh," she said suddenly, and I looked up at her. I hoped I hadn't hurt her. Tears started to form at the corners of her eyes, her bottom lip trembling. I shot up from my position and took her face in my hands.

"Baby? Bella?" I said, looking for anything to tell me what was wrong.

Her lips turned up at the corners, a beautiful smile forming. "I think I just felt our baby move."

My lips pressed firmly on hers, my fingers clutching her to me. I pulled away, her beautiful eyes moist, and then we both started laughing. I could feel my own eyes prickle with tears as the joy I felt consumed me. "What does it feel like?" I asked.

She looked thoughtful as her smile still lit up her face. "A little like wings fluttering," she whispered. She pulled away, shifting so that she was stretched out on our couch. She patted her stomach and pulled my hand to touch her there, too.

I moved to kneel between her legs and pressed my palms onto her warm skin. "A little harder, Edward," she said, pressing against my hands.

"Are you sure?" I asked. She nodded and started to worry her lip. I pressed a little harder, and then I felt it. The pattern wasn't consistent, but Bella was right – it felt like fluttering. I pressed my lips to the same spot and hummed soothingly.

Bella's fingers returned to my hair as I laid my head on her abdomen, continuing to hum to our child. "I love you, Bella." She sighed and returned the sentiment. "Thank you."

"For what?" she asked.

"For being with me."

"I love you, and I'm where I want to be."

The next morning, after a successful breakfast in bed, Bella was sitting on my lap as we rode in a limo to the airport.

"Bella," I groaned, panting as she licked the shell of my ear. "Baby – God, that feels good." Last night we'd been both so overwhelmed with feeling the baby move that we'd fallen asleep on the couch. As a result, I hadn't been inside her since our trip. I'd be fine with the forgoing of sex until I saw her again next week, but fuck, her peachy ass was grinding against my erection.

"Want you," she mumbled, her fingers going to work on my jeans. I groaned again and tilted her head back, latching onto her neck. We were stuck in traffic, so we had some time.

Fuck, yes. I mentally checked off another fantasy come true.

~oOo~

I kissed her lips softly as the crowded terminal continued to bustle around us, pulling her as close as possible. Her arms wound around my waist underneath my jacket, her fingers gripping me tightly. I embraced her around her shoulders and back. We remained this way, me kissing her and whispering to her how much I loved her. How much I'd miss her.

I fucking hate this. I didn't want to her go, but it wouldn't be fair of me to ask her to give everything up. I'd seen her when she sat down to write. Her eyes were bright and alive, biting her lip as she concentrated, her fingertips flowing over the keys. To write was her passion – she was doing something she loved.

She'd said it herself, she loved to sit and talk to some of her readers, to answer questions and gain insight on their thoughts about anything pertaining to her words. She'd met so many people, all from different walks of life, through her writing. Upon reading her books I found myself unable to put them down.

Yes, they were about educating people about sex, but the way she explained and used actual characters in different scenarios made it more like reading short stories – not sex lessons.

I knew she said that she was working on her novel, because she couldn't get an idea out of her head. She'd been avoiding working on her other book obligations, wanting to put her thoughts into writing. I knew she loved it, and I couldn't ask her to give that up.

But that didn't mean I had to like the fact that her writing took her away from me. Tours, editing stints, meetings and hours at the computer left me wanting.

This was something I'd have to get used to. I knew it, too. From the moment she'd given up working at my company and just being the spokesman for her foundation, I knew I'd lose her to her writing.

She'd make time for me as often as possible, but sometimes I felt that she was too distracted. I shook the thoughts from my head and looked down at my girl, and I couldn't help but think that I'd never hurt her again. Taking away something she loved would hurt her. I had to stop being selfish. There were plenty of nights that I'd come home late, working on the latest project. These "binges" of writing would not consume her every thought.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she whispered.

"You're sad that you're leaving me, but yet, you're excited."

Bella smiled and cocked her head to the side, looking sweet and happy. "I am excited, but not for the reasons you think." I must have looked confused, because she continued. "I spent all week preparing an outline for my new novels that I told you about, and your surprise, too."

"Now I'm curious what you have planned."

"I'll give you one clue – music."

"It's music related?" I paused. "A Broadway show? Opera, perhaps?" She shook her head, gesturing that she was keeping her lips sealed. I tried to kiss the information out of her, but it didn't work. So, I pulled out the big guns – I pouted.

She laughed and kissed my pout away just as they announced her flight.

She was always so damn good at keeping me distracted. I leaned down and peppered kisses along her neck. "Thank you," I whispered. "I love you both so much." I placed a gentle hand on her abdomen, tracing a small heart around her belly button.

"I love you," she whispered and sighed deeply. I pulled her chin up and could see the tears forming. It was my turn to distract her. I took her hand in mine and walked her to the gate. She looked at the guard standing by a metal detector. She looked back at me, longing in her eyes.

"Text me when you land. Call me when you can," I said as I pulled her back in my arms.

"I have one meeting when I get there, but yes, I'll call you."

"Baby, you'll be fine." She nodded and kissed me softly. "I'll see you soon."

"Okay," she said softly. She reluctantly released my hand, turning toward the line forming behind the metal detector. "I love you."

"I love you, baby," I whispered. I could feel a hole tear through my chest with every step she took away from me.

"Bye," we said in unison as she turned away. I quickly took out my Blackberry and texted a message.

I smiled as her phone rang and she looked up at me – still in line. She looked at the message, a delightful smile forming on her face. I could see her fumbling over the keys to type me a message.

My phone buzzed and I quickly opened her message.

Edward – I haven't even left yet and you're asking for phone sex? Lol

I laughed and typed another message. Of course, baby. You know me. ;)