No intro today…
Too lazy.
You all know that I don't own Pokémon in any form or fashion, right?
And you all know to call this number if you are having trouble, right?
National Suicide Hotline:1-800-488-3000
Then let's get this blood bath over with it.
Be afraid, there are crazy people out there. And you know it…
"(Tarsa, you backstabbing bastard!)," I tried screaming, but you know how hard it is to speak when your beak-like mouth is tied shut? Even a normal Torchic wouldn't know what I was saying. Kenda wasn't rough. No matter how hard I struggled or scratched her. She didn't want me hurt. As for Jade, she walked silently behind us. Tearing out page after page of that book. Tarsa didn't seem to notice the 'breadcrumbs' that she was leaving behind.
"Finally," Tarsa exclaimed when we arrived at a clearing in the overgrown forest. It was the only place were trees couldn't grow. This was because the clearing was made of rock. The area was a perfect circle, except for this one triangle shaped ledge in the northern corner. The ledge was where Tarsa and Jade were to stand to oversee the ritual.
Every part of the main stone circle was covered with a thin layer of moss. There were engravings on the ground. Symbols that I couldn't recognize were on and around this stone wheel. There were four pedestals on this wheel. One in the center and the other three surrounding it in a perfect triangle formation. The surrounding pedestals were in the shape of leaves. Each of the leaves were big enough for six people to stand on easily. The center circle pedestal was where I was to be placed. It looked like a stone table, barely a foot off the ground, nothing special.
"The other priestesses aren't here yet," Kenda said almost in relief.
"Hand me Lord Pseudo," Tarsa took me carefully, not that I let him though, "I wish to provide some moral support. So please stand in the ready for when the others get here."
"Yes, sir," Kenda bowed and left to sit herself down on one of the pedestals.
"Have you read all you needed to read," Tarsa said as took her by the arm.
"No, I haven't," Jade jerked away, "I can't figure out what this ritual is supposed to do."
"Provide immortality," Tarsa grinned as he brought the rest of us to the ledge, "Ladies first, I believe."
"Wait," Jade stopped, "what?"
"I said that I was a gentlemen, did I not?"
"No, before that."
"Immortality," Tarsa laughed slightly, "The ritual will grant immortality."
"Whoa, this is incredible," Brandy awed, "I never knew that a place like this existed in Golnar."
"What is this place," Karen asked.
"It's an ancient Jufuca Region style ritual sight."
"Jufuca Region," Karen gasped, "You mean that region that used to do Voodoo all over the place?"
"Yeah, that's the one," Brandy nodded, "but they weren't famous for Voodoo. Mostly, they were famous for being enslaved."
"But they did use Voodoo, right?"
"Karen, there's no such thing as Voodoo," Brandy held onto her shoulders, "It's all just a psychological mind game that they used to play. Like if a Black Meowth crosses your path or spilling salt. No actual magic."
"Then how do you explain why Tyrone is walking around naked?"
"(Can't you say anything nice about me?)," I growled, not that there was much else I could do.
"Karen, just because we found his clothes, doesn't mean that he's naked right now."
"(Boy, would you lose that bet.)," I sighed. Brandy pet me between the ears.
"Well, not that it matters," Karen's face got angrier as she stared at the stone site, "In Voodoo rituals they sacrifice Pokémon."
"(What!?!)"
"Quiet Leo," the two of them yelled louder than I did and pounced on top of me.
"What are you trying to do, give us away," Brandy got my jaws.
"We don't want them to find us here," Karen yelled at me.
"Yeah, like we could never find you if you don't talk loud enough," the blond laughed.
This isn't something that happened, but it might as well have. Tarsa never told me about his past. At least, not directly. Before his brain got scrambled... I think that he would explain his past like this.
The Torchic struggled to free himself, but it was all in vain. I decided to taunt him a little bit. And what better way to do that than to go on one of those evil monologues that the villains on Saturday morning cartoons do.
"Struggle all you want," Tarsa laughed ridiculously loud and obnoxiously cliché, "You'll never escape from your fate."
"(You'll never get away with this!)," I'm sure that he tried to yell at me.
"I've been getting away with this for over fifty years," I grinned as I recalled my past…
Eighty years ago, my mother was taken away from her homeland. She was forced to work for that man that even I had to call master. I am a bastard. My father raped my mother. My bastard of a father was never caught. Even if my mother knew his face, she wouldn't have been able to complain. She was raped and still expected to work. Even before I was born, she was expected to work just as hard as she always had. Even on the day that she was in labor she was punished. For the following Days, Months, then Years later; Her workload increased, just because I was there. Everyday she had to suffer because of that man. I hated him for it. I hated them all for it.
At the age of ten, I found my mother's Book of Voodoo. She had power this whole time. She didn't do anything with it. I swore an oath to take everything from them. I wanted everything that they had. I started with small voodoo. I experimented with some of the servants who were treated better than us slaves. I used a few dolls here and there. I made a few of them Perverts and Poképhiliacs with love charms. Some, I played with their deepest fears with hexes. I scared one so badly that he couldn't speak properly. My victims were easily replaced when my "experiments" reached their climax. I made Master sick with an elixir that I concocted.
Then, just as I was ready to destroy the first Master Fabulist…
"DAMN-IT!!!," I struck the forest's tree trunk hard with my fist, "He died. How dare you fucking die on me! How can I get my revenge on you now that you're dead!"
"Now, now child," a man clapped, "that's no way for a Jufucan Witch Doctor to behave. Especially one as powerful as you."
I turned to my taunter. This man stepped out from the shadows still clapping his hands. He wore a black suit and a long top hat. Hair was dark and greasy. His pale face matched colors with the recently deceased Master. His cane floated beside him as he walked forward.
"Who are you," I stared intensely at the man. I could see that his nose was clogged with corks for some reason. His grin distracted me from wondering why he put those there.
"I'm surprised that you don't recognize me from your mother's book," he laughed; coughing out smoke as he reached into his inner pocket, "My card."
He handed me an ordinary playing card.
"Is this some kind of joke?"
"You read that little book or your mother's," he stood dignified, "Take a closer look before you make a vital mistake."
I took another look at the card. There was nothing special about the card. Made of simple paper. Old ink was used to draw the image. Again, there was nothing special about it. What caught my attention was the specific card that he gave me. The three of spades.
"I suppose a more formal introduction is in order," he tossed his cane into the air and caught it, took off his hat and bowed, "Greetings and salutations Tarsa Coiner, first witch doctor of Golnar, a master of deception, and bastard son of a sinner never caught. I go by many names but you may know me as Baron Samedi."
I tensed up, "God of Death."
"Life and death," he corrected, "I've been watching you."
"S-stay back!"
"Relax," he placed the hat back on his head and stood straight, "I'm not here to harm you. I just got finished delivering the object of your scorn to the afterlife."
"How dare you!"
"Yes, I understand the reason for your hatred," he grinned, "I wish to help you, shall we say, vent your anger in a healthy fashion."
"Are you going to give me back him, so that I can torture him back to you?"
"Yes and no," he waved his hand in the air and place it over his left eye, "You could say that I'm rather tired of the position that I'm in."
"What does this have to do with…?"
"Being a god of life and death isn't all that it's cracked up to be, kid," he took another step forward, "so here's my proposition for you. Do a few tasks for me and you can have my job. You can live for all eternity, will have the powers of a god, and torture all the souls your heart desires."
"I didn't accept it at first," Tarsa explained, "After all, forever and eternity would be a long time."
Then just as Tarsa finished his stupid evil bad guy monologue, Mom and Da- er Brandy and Karen came rushing in, kicked Tarsa's butt, then we ran off merrily into the sunset. Mom got remarried, had three more kids, and got over my suicide completely. All the Torchic in the world (besides myself) died horrible deaths. Karen killed Eddie with the vengeance of Ten Thousand White Suns. Tyrone spent the rest of his life as a Growlithe. His dog brain took complete and utter control over him, so he enjoys his new life in a mansion owned by some blue haired, bottle cap collecting, pretty boy (with a strange obsession of wearing women's clothes). Ms. Kay never regained her memory, so she spent the rest of her life as a lonely priestess. Jade was reunited with Louis and have decided to go off to find her mother together. The Ghost Shadow disappeared looking for tacos and so was never seen again. As for Mew, Mew spontaneously combusted… Six times and then was eaten alive as Chinese food to starving orphans.
And We all lived happily ever after.
The End…
Right about now, there should be someone snorting, "You wish!"
But who in their right mind would wish for that kind of ending, Mr. Snorter?
It's also not what happened. This is where my hell really begins…
(end)
Again, I would like to stress that I do not support Voodoo rituals or beliefs.
Even in this text, I advise against participating in said rituals or worshiping in said "god".
I'm just borrowing the alias, nothing more.
Last month was a new personal record that was broken.
Over Four Thousand Hits! On this story alone!
Kind of makes me wonder why so few of you are Reviewing…
(=_=)'
Africa + Juju (Voodoo) + Nanashi Chimera - 1/2 Brain + twelve pack of generic Root Beer = Jufuca
Creative?
Not!