A/N: Oppa Gangnam Style!
Anyway, thank you people who reviewed! Feedback is always good.
Disclaimer: I don't own Samurai 7.
Notes:
cheongsam - body-hugging one-piece Chinese dress for women. Also known in English as a mandarin gown.
Erhu - A Chinese 2-stringed fiddle.
geisha - not prostitutes, they entertain men.
Chapter Seven: Hey~ Sexy(?) Lady
Earlier that day...
"So we're going to split up into 3 groups?" asked Gorobei.
"We won't draw a lot of attention that way," said Heihachi.
"The bandits know too much about us," said Kambei," Now then, where should we meet up? Is there a place near the village that could serve as a landmark?"
"Right before the bridge is Wing Rock," said Kirara.
"Wing Rock?"
Kirara nodded.
"It looks like a large wing. It's easy to recognize."
"My friends and I use it as a base!" Komachi said, happily.
"All right. We'll meet there," announced Kambei.
"So how are we splitting up?" asked Shichiroji.
"We'll let the farmers, who are familiar with the land here, show us the way," said Kambei," At least 2 samurai will accompany each of them."
"Agreed."
"Okay then. We'll meet up again just before the village soon. May we all have a safe trip."
"Hey! Wait a minute! Which group do I go with?!" asked Kiku.
"I didn't count you," said Kambei.
Aw, poor Kiku...
"In that case," said the cyborg," I'll just go my own way! Ak-!"
"Don't expect me to come along with you," I interrupted," I don't want to end up captured or lost."
Kiku grumbled in disappointment.
Heihachi, Gorobei, Rikichi and I were walking on a path through a forest.
"To hide a tree, put it in a forest; to hide a person, put them in a city," said Gorobei," If we have to travel in secret, then that's all the more reason to walk down the road in the middle of the day."
"Even so," said Heihachi," Aren't these get-ups just a little too noticeable?"
The four of us were wearing some sort of jacket that street performers may wear. Heihachi and Rikichi carried a banner with similar colors on their backs.
"I just can't settle down," said Rikichi.
"Don't be so self-conscious," said the dark-skinned samurai,"If anyone asks who we are, tell them,'We are a merry traveling company!' "
"But all I know is how to grow rice. I can't do any tricks or anything..."
"That's okay! You know what? You're stage name can be 'Maguso Koedayu, Master of the Hoe!' All right, that's settled."
Pfft- Horse Dung Manure Officer?!
"Well then," said Heihachi," I'll go as Hoho Eminosuke, Master Woodpecker!"
Deputy Governor of Smiles? ...That actually fits him.
"Haha! Now that's the spirit!"
Heihachi and Gorobei started to laugh, but then Rikichi stopped walking.
"This isn't the time to be laughing..." he said, softly.
"When times are tough, that's when you have to laugh," said Heihachi," That's just the kind of man Gorobei is."
Heihachi walked ahead as Rikichi stayed for a moment.
"Hey," I said," C'mon. Everything will be A-OK in the end!"
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I know it will happen. I mean, you want the Nobuseri to be gone and away from your village for good, right?"
"Yes..."
"And you want your wife back, right?"
"Yes!"
"Then stop moping! If you're depressed like this, it'll only hinder your decisions and lower your morale. Keep a positive attitude, and you'll do fine! At least, that's what I think..."
The Kanna farmer smiled.
"Thanks, Akinari."
"It's nothing. Now let's catch up with the others!"
We caught up with Gorobei and Heihachi up ahead. A crowd gathered in front of a stage as a girl stood atop a long pole.
"Come, come!" yelled another girl, playing a drum,"Wash yourself clean from the grime of this world! Ready! Ah-1, 2, 3!"
The performance began. The girl standing on top of the pole opened her 2 fans. Streamers sprouted out. She waved her fans around, making as if the ribbons were dancing. The girl then twirled around, and more ribbons came out of the fans. As she spun, her left leg was up and behind her head.
'She's really... flexible,' I thought.
A rainbow appeared as the girl continued to perform. There was another girl who wore similar clothing as the other 2, and she called out,"She's spinning more than usual!"
At that, the performing girl turned her back to the audience, leaned back far enough so she could see us, and water squirted out of her tear ducts and nose. Four birds appeared out of her mouth and flew away, before becoming fireworks. Everyone clapped, including us. Rikichi simply stood there in awe.
"Bravo!" said Gorobei.
"That was an unusual trick," said Heihachi, as 2 Yakans came over to the edge of the crowd. I made sure my face wasn't seen by them, as they scanned the crowd and went away.
"That was close," I said.
"Yeah..."
"Um... Where's Gorobei?" I asked. The man was no where in sight.
"Hey!" The three of looked in the direction the voice came from. "Over here! These young ladies are willing to help us!" Gorobei was standing with the 3 girls who had set up the performance just a few minutes earlier. We walked over to them. "These girls are willing to lend us some disguises."
"What kind of disguises?" Rikichi asked.
"Men," said Gorobei," We're going to pose as women."
"NOOO!" yelled Rikichi,"Stop! Please! How come I gotta have my legs shaved?!"
"Aw, you're so shy! It's not that bad," said one the girls. Rikichi was forced to sit by 2 of the girls, while the other girl shaved his legs.
"See?" said one of the girls," Doesn't it feel good? So soft and smooth!"
"Why, you... Gorobei-sama!"
Gorobei and Heihachi were currently putting on make-up.
"Keep it down, would you?!" he yelled," They'll find us, you know!" Heihachi started to help Gorobei put on make up. "Oh, Heihachi, you're going to make me quite the beauty."
"Yes, yes! You're too much for Hoho Eminosuke!" said Heihachi, smiling.
I laughed. So glad I chose to travel with this group!
"I'm done for! Those two have lost it! Akinari! You're on my side, at least?"
I popped my head out of the back room that had all the dresses and costumes again, grinning.
"Sorry man, but you gotta do what you gotta do! Hey girls, catch!"
I threw them the dress and wig Rikichi will have to wear, and I went back in the back room. I swear I could hear squealing of delight along with Rikichi's protests.
I had already put on some make-up. It wasn't really much, though. Just soft pink lip gloss, and some eyeliner. I looked at myself in the mirror after I changed clothing. I wore a long black cheongsam with gold lining. There were slits on both sides, making me wish that the dress didn't show my legs so much. The dress had a faint pattern of a dragon in grey. I put my hair up in twin buns, tied by a gold ribbon. I also wore high lacy stockings that went up to my mid-thigh, and black Chinese slippers. I made sure that the stockings hid the scar on my right thigh.
I decided to keep my ear cuffs on that were on my left ear, and I found a Chinese style black bolero jacket to wear. The jacket was loose, including its sleeves, and red ribbons on the collar. I searched my messenger bag and took out my gun holster. I could hide my gun under my jacket! After strapping the holster around my left shoulder and fixing my attire a little, I was done getting ready. Something in a box by the corner of the room caught my eye, though. It was an old erhu in a box, and I decided to take it. Might come in handy, you know? I just hope I don't have to use it... I've never played it before.
I picked up a kimono for Gorobei and a sweet Lolita dress for Heihachi. I also picked up a blond wig, a violet wig, and some other items before stepping out of the back room. I stifled a laugh when I saw Rikichi in his disguise, as the other men finished up on their make-up.
"Hey, guys," I said. Everyone stared at me. "These okay with you?" I showed Heihachi and Gorobei their disguises. They nodded, still staring at me. "...What? Do I look weird?"
"No..." said Heihachi.
"If I didn't know any better," said Gorobei," I would've thought you were actually a girl!"
You have no idea, Gorobei.
"Why do I feel like you've done this before?" asked Rikichi, miserable.
"That's because I have. When you're flat broke in a huge city, and you treat jail like a second home, you'll do nearly every job you can to get some cash. Including pretending to be a geisha."
Rikichi stared at me in disbelief as I helped Heihachi button up the Lolita dress.
"Are you serious?" asked Heihachi, turning his head to look at me. Oh, right, I never went into detail about what jobs I took to make a living. Still, though...
"What? Sure, it felt degrading, but I needed the money!"
"Bye, ladies~!"
"Good luck!"
"Please, come again!"
We parted ways with the 3 girls. They were kind enough to lend us a cart to carry our stuff in. The only ones who looked ridiculous were Gorobei and maybe Rikichi. I have to admit, Heihachi makes a pretty girl.
"I've never been so disgraced in all my life..." muttered Rikichi.
"I think it suits you pretty well," said Gorobei.
"And your legs are so soft and smooth," said Heihachi.
"Besides, it's only this one time," I smiled at him," It's not like you have to dress like that forever."
The man sighed, dejectedly.
As we walked down the canyon road, we saw black smoke in the distance. We ran towards it, intending to investigate.
It was a village. Everything seemed to have burned down, and no villagers were in sight.
"It must be the Nobuseri," I said.
"They're still around here, eh?" stated Gorobei.
"It's unsettling..."
As we walked through the burned down village, some Yakans came up from behind us.
"You there," they said," What are you doing here?"
Rikichi fell to the ground in fear at the sight of them.
"Oh, goodness!," said Gorobei, in a high voice,"Nobuseri! Thank you so much for all that you do!" ...What the fuck? "Wow, seeing you up close, you are so handsome~!"
Heihachi and I caught onto his plan, and nodded. I refuse to follow through with it though... But then again, maybe I'll try. Just pretend that you're a geisha, Aki...
"My, you really are so strong!" exclaimed Heihachi, walking up to one of the Yakans and resting his head on its front. "What a thick chest you have! I think I'm in love!"
"Oh," the Yakan spoke," You're geisha."
"Aww..." I said, forcing myself to go with the plan, "He called us geisha..." I did my best to sound female.
After years of speaking in a masculine voice most of the time, my ability to talk like a girl waned as my masculine voice became my normal voice. It wasn't deep like an actual male's, but low enough for people to assume that I'm male.
"We are merely a merry traveling company!" said Gorobei. As Heihachi and Gorobei fawned over the Yakans, Rikichi and I attempted to crawl away. No way in hell were we going to stick around.
"You two there!" said the Yakan," What is your name?"
"I-I'm... Fukui Ran!"
I wanted to face palm at that. I'm not fortunate at all!
"M-Maguso... Koedayu..." said Rikichi, very nervous.
" 'Maguso' ?!" Laughed the Yakans," What a name! Are really a performer? You're not one of those wanted men we heard about, hmm?"
"Oh, no, Nobuseri-chan!" pleaded Gorobei,"Don't be ridiculous!"
"In that case, why don't you show us a bit of your act? Can you do that?" Aww shit... "If you can't, then I will cut you down right now!"
"Do we go at them?" I heard Gorobei whisper to Heihachi.
"We can't avoid it..." he replied.
The Yakan raised its sword. I quickly nudged Rikichi with my foot, pointed at my erhu, and he shot up.
"Nobuseri-san!" he quickly said," you're so handsome!"
"We think we're in love with you!" I said sweetly, trying not to grimace in discomfort.
"I, Maguso Koedayu, will now do a dance for the Nobuseri!"
"And I, Fukui Ran, shall play the tune!"
Oh, Kami! KILL ME NOW!
"Ready now," Rikichi clapped as I tried to play a jovial tune. I sounded okay, but it was still crap.
"Planting comes first! Harvest comes next! Thanks to the rice bran, my skin is nice and smooth! My face is smooth, too! To top it all off, my tush is smooth, too! Whether I point it here, or there, with no where else to go, I'm still doing good!" Rikichi started to lift up his skirt. " See here? Everywhere you look, I'm nice and smooth! My legs are so fine!" He showed more of his legs. I gave the Yakans a side-view of mine at the end with a smile, though reluctantly.
...Did I just see that Yakan short-circuit when it saw Rikichi's?
He and I laughed nervously.
"Um..." the Yakan that had short-circuited spoke,"Okay. Er... That's enough. You don't have to show off... Please, ma'am, put your skirt back down. And you," It pointed to me,"Practice more, please. No offense, but you suck."
Damn, that was blunt.
"O-Of course, Nobuseri-chan..." I said.
The other Yakan said to its friend,"Let's go. We're busy."
After the enemy left, I dropped to my hands and knees, my ehru on the ground next to me. Rikichi fell back, trembling. Gorobei and Heihachi came over to us.
"Thanks, guys. Because you two, we didn't have to fight," said Gorobei.
"I-I-I-I-!"
"Don't say a thing," Gorobei put his hand on Rikichi's shoulder," You guys did well." We shared a laugh, and Rikichi had tears of relief. "Now let's get going!"
Heihachi helped me to get back on my feet, and the four of us continued the journey to Wing Rock.
Later that day, we decided to take a short break at a little tea house by the road. There, we figured out how long it'll take for us to reach Wing Rock.
"Judging by the path we took, it'll take us until later in the evening to reach Wing Rock by foot," said Gorobei.
"But everyone will be there by sunset!" I said.
"Argh...! What are we going to do?!" said Rikichi, "We can't let them wait..."
As the group thought about what to do, I spotted a man getting ready to leave. The man walked over to his large cart that would be driven by 2 horses.
"I got a plan," I said, standing up from the bench. "Wait here. Hei-chan, come with me."
"Er... Alright...?"
I quickly walked over to the former client with Heihachi, and caught his attention.
"Excuse me, sir?" I said in a sweet feminine voice,"Um... Could we ask you something?"
The man stared at me, his face turning a little red when he saw us.
"Hm? O-Oh! Of course! What seems to be the problem?"
"Um... Well, you see, my friends and I are travelers," I gave Heihachi a look, silently telling him to play along," and the four of us have to get to Wing Rock by sunset."
"Wing Rock?" the man asked,"You mean that large stone that looked like wing over time?"
"Yes!" said Heihachi," That's the one! We were wondering if you could give us a ride? We don't want to keep our friends waiting, so..."
Heihachi and I gave the man pleading stares. I held myself back when I saw Heihachi's face. So adorable! The stranger looked at me then at Heihachi, before sighing in defeat. I noticed that his stare lingered on Heihachi for a split second.
"Alright, I'll give you girls a ride, but not directly there. I'm heading east, so I can just take you about 3/4 of the way."
We smiled brightly.
"Thanks so much!" we said.
"Yeah, yeah, just get your friends. You all can ride in the back."
Heihachi walked back to the others to get them. Before I went to help gather our stuff, I turned back at the stranger and said," Oh, and if you do anything suspicious," I showed him my gun," Well, I'm sure you'll do the right thing, correct?"
He straightened up his posture, becoming stiff.
"Y-Yes, ma'am!"
I smiled, with a little malice laced into it.
"Thanks, mister!"
Eventually, after parting ways with the man, we reached Wing Rock at sunset. We saw Kambei, Kiku, Komachi, and Katsushiro up ahead.
"Sorry to keep you waiting!" called out Gorobei, bringing the leaves he used as a fan away from his face, " The merry traveling company has arrived!"
"Y-Yo!"
"Hi..."
"Hello!"
Heihachi and Rikichi popped out from behind Gorobei, a little embarrassed, as I jumped up and onto Heihachi's back. I waved at our shocked friends. Oh man, Katsushiro's face is just priceless! His wide-eyed expression was clear that he was thinking," What the fuck?!"
"What's with you guys?!" said Kiku,"You all look like very beautiful women!"
"Oh, Kiku!" scolded Komachi,"You have no taste in women! Though I admit that Heihachi and Akinari look pretty..."
I got off of Heihachi's back as we walked towards them.
"Looks like you had quite a strange trip, but at least you're here," said Kambei.
"So where's everyone else?" asked Gorobei.
"The Nobuseri were hanging around here, and all..." said Heihachi.
"Sensei," said Katsushiro," I'll go look for them!"
The boy was about to leave, when we saw Shichiroji.
"Are you alone?" asked Kambei.
"No, no, I just got here a little earlier," he said.
He gestured behind him, and we all went to look. A little ways away, sat Kirara and Kyuzo. The water maiden was sewing the man's coat sleeve. She finished, and handed it to him. They exchanged a few words before Kyuzo put his coat back on.
"Aww... Cute," I said, smirking. I dismissed my previous thoughts.
"I'd say our journey was dull," said Shichiroji.
We walked away from the scene, leaving the duo alone, as Katsushiro stayed behind. Kiku ran back and grabbed him away.
Now when can I change out of this disguise?
End of Chapter Seven
A/N: I know, chapter isn't that good. Very sorry.