(Jane)
"Mr. Lefroy..." I said perhaps a little too quickly but I did so on purpose before Tom could utter another word lest our conversation become more "intimate", beyond the customary greetings. "And how is your family? Your parents and brothers and sisters? They are all well, I hope?"
Tom seemed to be taken by surprise by the directness of my words for he briefly hesitated in replying. "They are very well, I thank you. My parents have been gone for a little while now."
I felt myself blush slightly at the mention of his parents as of course I knew this already, being that Anne Lefroy is Tom's father's sister-in-law. Clearly, Mr. Lefroy's presence had flustered me somewhat. But I quickly squashed any further embarrassment to myself and acted as though this was the first time I had heard of it. After all, I told myself...it was the first time I had heard it from Tom himself.
"Oh...I am so sorry." I replied sincerely.
Tom shook his head slighty. "They both had good, fulfilling lives and got to see their grandchildren born."
The word "grandchildren" kept me in check. I took a deep breath and jumped in to ask the inevitable. "And...how is your own family? Your...wife?" There. I had finally said it. Outloud. To Tom. The words, "Your wife."
I was puzzled when Tom didn't reply right away.
"My children are...quite well, thank you..." He finally answered. Here Tom paused again before going on. "My wife..." He began in a quiet voice. "My wife...she is no longer living."
I stared at Tom uncomprehending. I'm sure I had misunderstood him. "I'm sorry?" I asked frowning.
"My wife died not long after our last child was born..."
I don't know why I reacted the way I did to news of the fate that befell Tom's wife as it was not uncommon for women to die in childbirth. Our own family certainly had not been immune as three out of my six brothers, James, Edward and Charles all lost their first wives to childbirth. I still remember the words "What a burden to women chidbirth is" I had said to my sister Cassandra once after losing yet another sister-in-law to it.
But upon hearing the news of Tom's wife, I suddenly felt the need to sit down. I moved distractedly towards the nearest chair.
"Jane? Are you alright?"
Tom was there I realized, helping me. He gently guided and then sat me down in the chair and then sat himself down beside me.
"My wife...her name was Mary...she was with our 8th child. But it was difficult for her that last time, unlike any of the others. The birthing came on too fast and too soon and was especially difficult for her. The baby did not survive."
I felt myself gasp at these words.
"Mary survived the actual birthing but it took too much out of her. She never fully recovered from it. And while she was still lying-in** she caught an infection which claimed her life." he finished.
Both of my hands had moved to cover my mouth as I listened to Tom tell me about his poor wife. It seemed ages before I was able to answer him, myself.
"Oh...Tom..." I finally managed. "I am...so sorry. Really, I am." I didn't know what else to say. But one thing entered my mind just now...how was it that THIS piece of news never reached me? I wondered..
"Thank you..." he replied soberly. "She was a good woman. A good wife, a wonderful mother. Very devoted to all of us."
"To be sure.." I replied sincerely. Then before I could stop myself, "When did...?" I stopped myself here, thinking that perhaps this was a question I shouldn't be asking.
"About a year and a half, now." He replied without any preamble.
"And how are you coping? With seven children and no mother to look after them?" I couldn't help but ask this of him.
A hint of a smile reached Tom's lips. "My family. As I had helped them at one time.." -I knew exactly of the time he meant. Tom would send his family money as he earned it from his uncle while he studied law - "..they have been helping me with my children."
"That is really wonderful of them Tom." I smiled at him.
"Jane..." I could tell that the talk about about to get 'intimate' but I had no chance to prevent it for he went on immediately, most likely before I could stop him this time, "When Mary and myself married, I was not in love with her at the time as I had rushed into marrying her to escape the pain of losing you. Despite that fact, she was in love with me and knew that I did not feel the same way for her as she did for me. But she never gave up on me and eventually, I did fall in love with her. I really did...do love her. She was very sweet, gentle, kind and a wonderful, devoted wife and mother. But I never forgot you. Could never forget you. I will always love her. But as much as I tried to deny it to myself for the past 17 years, I never stopped loving you. I knew that the moment I laid eyes on you again today."
I now stared at Tom in shock, then stood up as I replied. "That is not possible." I replied stoutly. "It is not possible to love two people at the same time." I finished with stubborn logic.
"Ah...but it is." Tom countered me. "I wouldn't have believed it either had I not experienced it for myself. I had stifled my feelings for you for 17 years Jane. I thought they had gone. Until I saw you again...today. The moment I saw you, those feelings came rushing back 100 fold. Like I had been gone back in time...like we had never parted, like those 17 years had never happened yet. And I came to realize that the reason I could say that I love you both is because I love each of you in a different way because you are both very different from each other. I already told you what my wife was like, but I have always loved and admired your courage, your spirit, your spontaneity and independence. You challenge me Jane, keep me in check. I like that about you."
I hardly knew what to say to this now...and while I was mulling over Tom's words, trying to make sense of them, wondering if it really was possible, he said something else...something that also made me feel like I had gone back in time...like we had never parted, like those 17 years had never happened...he echoed the very words he had said to me that had set us off on a journey that should have happened, but never did..."Come away with me, Jane..." he spoke softly.
**Lying-in-an 18-19th Century English term for "recovering" after giving birth. The new mother would stay in bed for days/weeks after having a baby. Quite opposite of how things are done today. ;-D
(Tom)
There were a few things that I had hoped to talk with Jane about but there was one thing that had to come first and foremost. As soon as she turned to face me, I was prepared to start this talk in particular with her but before I could, she cut me off right at the start.
"Mr. Lefroy..." She started a bit quickly, "And how is your family? Your parents and brothers and sisters? They are all well, I hope?"
Taken by surprise, I could only hesitate before giving her the customary answer she was awaiting. I knew that she had cut me off on purpose. I realized that she didn't want our talk to become too personal. But that was exactly what it was going to become. I had to tell her...she had to know, she had to understand about my situation.
I was a bit amused that she had asked about my parents because surely she knew about them, being neighbours and friends of my father's brother and wife, Anne.
But now I wondered how long it would be before she would ask about my own family and wife...she would have to...eventually, I would think. I would wait and if she didn't bring it up soon, I would, one way or another.
As it turned out, I didn't have to wait long after all. "And...how is your own family? Your...wife?" Jane seemed to have a bit of a struggle with asking about my wife. And even though I had more or less been expecting her to ask...been wanting her to so that I could finally tell her what had happened, I found it was still hard to start it off. I hesitated, first telling her about my children. Then...I moved on from there...
Jane seemed unbelieving of me when I first said that Mary was no longer living. And when I said how she had died not long after our last child was born she almost looked ill. It gave me a bit of start to see her sway slightly.
"Jane? Are you alright?" I asked genuinely concerned. Worried about her health, I made a grab for her lest she should fall into a faint, helped her to the nearest chair, sat her down and sat down beside her before I continued on with my story..
Throughout the course of my explanation about my current situation, I noticed that Jane went from being shocked to genuinely upset. I was touched by this as I knew how hard it must be for her to have to sit and listen to me talk about my late wife. However I was not going to hold anything back. If this was to be our only chance to talk, then I would leave nothing out as I wanted to clear the air between us. But I sincerely hoped that this would NOT be our only time together...
While I was telling Jane how I had married Mary when I did not love her, I had this sudden thought of how ironic that was, considering that Jane herself did not believe in "marrying without affection". And I had done just that. Married without affection...and because of Jane. However, as I ended up telling Jane, in time, I had grown to love the woman I married. But I had never forgotten Jane. That was true. I thought I had moved on with my life when in reality all I had done was hid myself in my marriage, children and career...and I had only just discovered that, this very day only a little while earlier when I first saw her again in the flesh. Jane had always been there, in the back of my mind, buried deep in my heart where no one else could reach her, except me...and only when I allowed her to. Which was now.
"It is not possible to love two people at the same time." Jane now objected to my statement of being able to love two people at the same time. Some how, I was not surprised that Jane would say this. This was my Jane all over again. She always spoke what was on her mind to either defend or try and prove her point.
Ah...but it is." I countered her, quite enjoying the knowledge that this part of Jane had not changed. I went on. "I wouldn't have believed it either had I not experienced it for myself. I had stifled my feelings for you for 17 years Jane. I thought they had gone. Until I saw you again...today. The moment I saw you, those feelings came rushing back 100 fold. Like I had been gone back in time...like we had never parted, like those 17 years had never happened yet. And I came to realize that the reason I could say that I love you both is because I love each of you in a different way because you are both very different from each other. I already told you what my wife was like, but I have always loved and admired your courage, your spirit, your spontaneity and independence. You challenge me Jane, keep me in check. I like that about you."
It was true. And already she was challenging me, with her belief that a person could not love two people at the same time. I was ready for the challenge. And I would be ready for many more. I only hoped that there would be more. After all of this time we had been apart, I welcomed them...looked forward to them.
I had already talked to Henry and Eliza about this earlier while we had been waiting for Jane and while she seemed to be thinking over my last words to her, I took the opportunity to softly say, "Come away with me Jane..."
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
Mary Lefroy dying from infection after their 8th baby was born is completely fictional, but their son Benjamin who died in infancy two years before their last daughter, Mary Elizabeth was born "represents" their 8th child in the chapter you just read and in this story, as opposed to their 7th child in reality. As well Mary Elizabeth and the younger Lefroy children after Anne Lefroy will (have to) be portrayed as being a little bit older (by about a year-ish) in this story.
From Wikipedia:
Tom Lefroy's children
Tom Lefroy married Mary Paul on 16 March 1799 in north Wales [6]. From their marriage, they had seven children as listed in the Visitation of Ireland[9]:
Anthony Lefroy (21 March 1800 11 January 1890), subsequently MP for his father's old seat of Dublin University.
Jane Christmas Lefroy (24 June 1802 3 August 1896)
Anne Lefroy (25 April 1804 24 February 1885)
Thomas Paul Lefroy (31 December 1806 29 January 1891; wrote Memoir of Chief Justice Lefroy, published in 1871)
The Very Rev. Jeffry Lefroy (25 March 1809 10 December 1885)
George Thomson Lefroy (26 May 1811 19 March 1890)
Mary Elizabeth Lefroy (19 December 1817 23 January 1890)
Another son (Benjamin, born March 25, 1815) died in infancy. Tom Lefroy s daughters never married.