A/N I've loved the way the show has been slowly letting us see that Joan and Auggie actually have a rock solid respect based friendship in spite of the hierarchy in the DPD.

Disclaimer: Covert Affairs isn't mine.

Annie wasn't sure if it was his second kiss or his third one that had finally shattered what was left of her heart. Perhaps it was the words that accompanied them. Or the way he walked away, shoulders back, chin held high as if he had not a care in the world. It might have been the way his tone was so dismissive and final as he told her his decision was irreversible. Or even the way he didn't even turn back once to see the damage he had caused. Then again, it wasn't like he could have seen her if he had turned around anyway.

Regardless, none of the reasons mattered. All that mattered right now was the way her legs had turned to jelly and the chimney was the only obstacle between her and the ground. She let herself sink down and focused on breathing slowly to calm herself down. She would be okay; her heart had been broken before. But her head felt funny. Heavy all of a sudden, and the world around her seemed to be swimming. She brought her hand up to her cheek and found it wet, apparently she had been crying. Either that or it had started raining and she had somehow failed to notice. She looked up slowly, nope, no rain. Definitely in shock then. That was okay. She just needed to gather her emotions, focus on something, anything. Her head felt so scattered. She was distant, detached from everything around her. As her body reached the ground she closed her eyes to stop the onrush of information that seemed to be coming at her. It was too much. Give her violent assassins and sneaky double crossing spies any day. Those she could deal with. But this. This was something else. She was at the limit of what she could handle.

Auggie walked slowly back down the CIA hallways, disoriented and hurting, unsure what to do with himself. Not that he had any right to let himself have a pity party. This had been his own decision, he deserved to feel terrible. Yeah. It was official; one night stands with pretty girls were going to be his lot in life. Especially once word got around of the way he had treated Annie. It was for her own safety but that did not stop him from feeling like pond scum. He could only hope that a clean break would make it possible for Annie to heal. The sound of ragged breath's tearing through her lungs as he walked away would haunt his nightmares for a long time.

He found himself, almost without realizing it, knocking on Joan's door, hoping she was still working.

"Auggie? Come in." She sounded mildly surprised to see him. "Is everything okay?"

He ran his hand through his hair.

"Not really. I think I may have done something I won't be able to repair."

Joan's blonde head jerked up in concern and she directed him to sit on the cushioned bench that ran along the side of her office.

"Auggie what have you done?" The question was spoken calmly but Joan was worried. Mainly about the way all the blood seemed to have left Auggie's face and he was so tense he was shaking. She wasn't even sure that he realized the state he was in. She hadn't seen him this worked up since the explosion that killed his unit and blinded him. She got him a cup of water and sat down next to him, placing her hand on his shoulder and speaking calmly as she would when debriefing him from a mission. Joan was one of the few people who knew how to get through to him when he was this deeply in shock.

"Auggie, I need you to listen to me. I know everything seems overwhelming and out of control right now but I need you to pull yourself together and tell me the facts of what happened. Now." Her tone left no room for him to argue with her. It was a direct order that cut through the haze surrounding his mind.

"Well, lets see. First, I told Annie that I love her. And that we can't be together because it isn't safe for her and she deserves someone who can make her part of their entire life. Oh and in between I kissed her."

Joan immediately sent a text message to Jai telling him to find Annie and make sure she got home safely. The last thing she needed was two self destructive agents on her hands. Annie might not trust Jai all the time but she knew that he did care about her as a friend. That would do for the moment. Annie was strong; right now she was more concerned about Auggie.

"I thought you wanted to stay close to Annie no matter what the cost, what changed?" She would have time to process her surprise over Auggie and Annie's quickly changing relationship later, for now she needed facts, needed to know what she was working with.

"You were there after my unit was killed. Going blind I could deal with, but the fact that I survived and they all died is something I still feel guilty about. The thought of Annie dying and it being my fault…let's just say she's started to feature prominently in my nightmares." Auggie's voice was now carefully controlled. Joan's direct questions had forced his special forces training to kick in and he had stopped shaking, instead he was breathing in and out deeply.

"She's a big girl Auggie, don't you think she deserves to make that choice for herself?" She knew what Annie would choose if she had the option. It would definitely be different, and it would most likely mean Auggie would have someone to turn to when the nightmares got particularly bad.

"In case you haven't noticed, Annie is not particularly careful when it comes to her own safety." Joan almost laughed. Yes, she had noticed. Everyone had noticed. The girl was more or less guaranteed to break protocol at least once during an average run of the mill brush pass.

"You know I'll respect your decision Auggie, but I also think there are alternatives you haven't yet considered." All Joan saw in response was all Auggie's defenses go up. He stood, facing her and switched into the voice he used to give his soldiers orders; it allowed for no arguments.

"There are no other options I'm willing to consider. She needs to get over me and move on with her life. She trusts you, say whatever you need to to make sure she does that. Please." Auggie's words were harsh and cold. Joan knew he was reacting out of fear but it was something he would need to work through on his own. As much as she respected Auggie, it seemed she was going to need to protect her operative from him until he came to terms with his past.

"You can't back out or change your mind this time Auggie. You're giving the poor girl whiplash. I'll look after her but if you do this you're losing her for good." His strong facade cracked for a second as she spoke, pain lacing his face. Every operative who stayed in this business long enough had some deep scars, Auggie was no exception. But his military bearing held him together as he walked out. She could barely hear his quiet reply,

"Pretty sure I already have."