Brace For Impact

"Those who really love you don't mean to hurt you and if they do, you can't see it in their eyes but it hurts them too."

-Holly Black

The Unclean Break

Chapter Four:

Damon loved New York City. It was places like this that made him question why the hell he was wasting his immortality somewhere that had only one bar and an unsettling high mortality rate. He knew the answer though and as long as Elena and his brother managed to avoid falling in the rapidly growing "deceased" category and wanted to stay, he would be there. But honestly Mystic Falls was so unappealing on every level. He could not fathom how he stayed there for years now, much less why omnipotent beings like Klaus and Rebekah seemed to like it there.

Like any sane person, Elena's disposition had improved every mile they put between Mystic Falls and them. She had wanted to come here. She said she had never been before and he was happy to oblige. Currently she was in some shop or boutique doing girly things with his credit card. He was trying not to think about it.

"So is Blondie calmer now or is she already planning Elena and her next bitch fight? And do you think we would be able to convince them to add mud next time?" He widened his eyes but the effect was wasted on his brother who could not see him.

He heard Stefan sigh in his typical "why me?" way. "I think Caroline and Elena should not see each other until Elena's humanity is on. I don't think she can deal with Elena's bullying on top of everything else that is going on."

Bullying? Maybe I'm the only one who watched Caroline storm up to harpy-rage at Elena, Damon thought. "And what about you, brother, sick and tired of Elena's 'bullying'? Is that way you haven't asked about her at all?" Stefan was silent for a moment on the other side of the line. "Oh, come on! Nothing Elena's done even comes close to rivaling your greatest hits!"

That seemed to snap Stefan out of it. "That's different. She was never supposed to be anything like me." Well, yeah. No shit Sherlock, but that doesn't change anything and you know it.

So Barbie and his brother needed space from Big Bad Elena. Figures. He was sure they would come back around when Elena's emotions were back so he decided not to dwell on it. It seemed he was going have to extend the "five minute timeout" though since there was no way he would be able to convince Elena to turn on her humanity when two of the only people she had left had abandoned her and another was batshit insane. Speaking of which… "Have you checked on Bonnie?"

Stefan sounded confused when he spoke next, "No, why would I?"

"Has Caroline gone to her at least?"

"She didn't mention anything to me. What's wrong?"

Damon quickly filled him in on what Bonnie and Rebekah had said about Shane and how he was hoping Bonnie had just lost her sanity- otherwise, their problems were about to get a hell of a lot worse. Stefan agreed to look into it that was good because he did not think he was returning to Mystic Falls anytime soon.

"Speaking of Bonnie," Stefan's judgmental tone removed any gratefulness Damon felt, "Care to explain why the water is suddenly vervain-free and the Mayor came up to me in the Grill to say 'keep your psychotic brother away from me, I am not a man to be crossed.'" Oh please, what could Mister Mayor do to me? "You promised you would be reasonable."

"I was very reasonable! Why are you complaining, I got the vervain out of the water, didn't I?"

"Damon, we should be trying to get this guy on our side. And I can't deal with you flying off the handle with everything that's going on." He must have sensed that Damon was not having it because he continued to lecture him in his self-righteous way, "Violence is not the answer."

"So you say, but it's worked well for me for the past 145 years."

"Why do you have to make everything so hard?"

Whatever sarcastic retort he had been about to say died on his lips at the sight before him. He knew he was staring, lips parted in awe, like a lovesick moron but he could not stop himself. Besides "lovesick moron" was far more charitable than most of his other distinctions.

Elena was gracefully striding quickly enough for the wind to pick up her newly styled hair. It was curlier and colored red and blonde on a few strands. And she was dressed far more elegantly than he was used to. She was emanating confidence and Damon could see people on the sidewalk gawking at her.

She quickly caught sight of his expression and smiled radiantly.

He thinks he may have forgotten how to breathe.

Then Stefan's voice still yelling at him on the phone catches his attention and the spell is broken.

"Got to go, Stef. Things to do, people to kill, all that violence awaits!" He could just imagine Stefan's horrified face and that made it all the more worth it. And Elena seemed amused which was always a plus.

"Hey there, Cinderella, I see you're ready for the ball. What's with the new 'do?"

"I don't want to look like her," she replied simply.

"You don't want to look like Katherine so you curled your hair?" Damon asked skeptically. He had to admit that the highlights would at least make differentiating between them easier.

"No, I didn't want to look like the girl everyone is trying to make me turn back into." Any previous amusement was gone from her expression and Damon's heart squeezed painfully.

Damon did not know what to say to that so he changed the subject. "So what are the chances that you left me enough money to get us dinner at some swanky place. Show off your new look and all." Damon winked as she regained her composure unnaturally quickly.

Damon had no idea. He was so stupidly trusting of her. He did not even question her request to go to New York for a second.

She saw Damon arrive with Rebekah. What the hell is he doing with her? She thought irritated. Strangely enough, she both cared less for him than before and felt more possessive of him. Yet another example of how the switch leaves some things to be desired. Elena did not want to feel the need to stake a claim on Damon every time she saw him. She knew rationally that he was as devoted to her as he could be. He was hers in every way but she had a dark desire to make him admit it, too.

Damon turned away from her seemingly scanning the crowd for something. But Rebekah's eyes locked on hers as she made a beeline towards her. Oh great.

"I have something you will want to hear but first you have to tell me something. Do you still want to become human again?" Rebekah began and Elena's interest piqued despite her.

But why would she want to be human again? Feel that pain? It was all for Jeremy anyway and no longer mattered. The thought made the tingling sensation come back so she focused on Rebekah instead.

"No, I can't think of anything I'd like less."

Rebekah nodded, considering before explaining, "I have been tracking Katherine for the cure for the last week. She's in New York. I'm heading up there tomorrow find her and take it."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Rebekah paused, the first traces of genuine emotion touching her face. "He was your brother, I wanted you to have the chance to take the most important thing away from Katherine: her life."

"So you want to give me a chance at revenge?" Elena said dubiously but could not fight the feeling coursing through her. She had been feeling suffocated and purposeless since the island. Now Rebekah was giving her a chance to change that.

Rebekah must have seen her change in expression because she just smirked as she walked away. "Text me when you get there. Oh, and lover boy is fast approaching." Elena glanced and saw that Damon had almost reached her end of the crowd. In seconds he would turn around and catch sight of her.

She grabbed a random boy passing that was attractive enough and pushed him against the wall and started unbuttoning his shirt.

The boy did not question her at all. He started kissing down her neck completely ignorant of the danger stalking towards him. Elena had to bite back a smirk even as she begun to plan.

Elena and Rebekah were slated to meet in a couple hours but Elena had no clue how to ditch Damon without him getting suspicious. Damon was smart and skeptical, if Elena just left, he would know something was up. She had considered telling him but she did not think he would go for it. Besides the fact that she was pretty sure Damon still felt enough for Katherine after a century and a half of pining for her that he did not want her dead, he would also object because of her.

Damon had gotten some sort of ridiculous notion that he had to watch her for things that she would not appreciate having done when she flipped her switch on. It was so stupid, she was never turning her humanity back on. Nothing could make it worth it. But even as she thought that, something in her told her that was not true. She remembered the giddy elation when she finally told Damon her feelings after so long of repressing them. She was practically bouncing off the walls, grinning from ear to ear.

But it was not worth the pain. Nothing was.

So she could not tell Damon. She did not trust that he would be onboard with her plan. And maybe she did not want him in the line of fire but that thought was dismissible and irrelevant of course.

She had to get rid of him without arousing suspicion. She considered her options. Maybe just leaving would be best. He would be unlikely to find her in time anyway. But if he followed her, he was stronger than she was and could force her to stop. And he would find her leaving strange enough to spark his curiosity.

Well, she guessed that the solution was simple then. She had to make him act irrationally and impulsively so he would stalk off himself. Then when she slipped out, he would not even notice.

She would just have to hurt him.

After dinner, Damon led the way to their hotel room. Truthfully, he wanted to have separate rooms, if only for his self-control. But it had seemed so pointless especially since he figured Elena would just stay in his room anyway. She was hardly considerate of boundaries and subtleties lately. So then he would have just wasted money to buy himself shortly lived peace of mind before Elena inevitably disturbed it.

He opened the door to the spacious room. It was fancy and well decorated. The look of wonder on Elena's face made it worth its outrageous price. He sometimes forgot because of her incomparable effect on him that she was still young and had yet to see many things.

He left her to her own devices and immediately went to shower. He shut the bathroom door and stripped his clothes quickly.

The hot water sizzled against his skin but he needed it. He was trying to act normal but he just had a bad feeling about everything. Bonnie's delusions were a problem, losing the ability to make Elena turn her humanity back on was worse. And Elena without her humanity was worrying him. She had broken her bonds with Stefan and Caroline and he was worried that she would not be able to get past that when she came back. He was sure that the two of them would forgive everything when Elena flipped her switch on but he was worried that Elena would not be able to.

That was what bothered him. He could handle Elena killing people, sleeping around, compelling the masses, and saying hurtful things but it was only going to hurt Elena herself more when she had her emotions back. Everything with Jeremy would be hard enough to deal with, how could she handle regretting her actions as well. Her survivor's guilt coupled with remorse over hurting people might just be too much.

Waking up after your humanity had been off to discover that you slept with countless nameless people and brutally murdered even more was jarring. You went from not caring to having your feelings threaten to eat you alive in a heartbeat.

He could deal with it. Stefan could not and that plagued his brother every day. It was one of the reasons he liked to compare himself to Damon. He had a desperate need to feel better about himself and Damon usually let him.

He was pretty sure Elena could handle it, too. She was stronger than people gave her credit for. But she would not be able to take it right now when she already felt that she had lost everything. So Damon had decided to intervene and make sure she did not do anything to add to her future pain.

He sighed. He missed Elena with her humanity and that was weighing heavily on him. Using deflection and sarcasm to hide how he really felt defined his relationships with most everyone. Except Elena. He trusted her implicitly and though he tried to keep up his façade around her at times, she always knocked it down. That was one of his favorite things about being with her. She understood him and he was free to be himself around her. Up until recently that is.

He loved Elena. He loved every part of her, even the darker ones that she tried to hide. It was not that he hated what she was doing so much as how she treated him.

Lost in his thoughts, he missed the sound of the bathroom door opening. It was only when Elena opened the shower door and stepped in with him that he was snapped back to reality.

"While I usually love a pretty girl in my shower, I also usually ask her to join me first," Damon quipped even as his voice reflected his tension. Elena was just staring at him. He tried not to notice that there was barely enough room for the two of them in the shower and that she was completely naked but it was hard. It was really hard. "So if you would excuse me, you're interrupting my 'me time'." Damon paused, waiting for her to do something.

Suddenly she pushed him up against the glass wall. The water spray was drenching him and blurred his vision. Not that he needed to see anything as Elena's lips crushed his.

This would not be like last time though. Damon knew better. "There is a little too much you in my 'me time,'" he gasped out as he held her face back.

She was persistent though. She inserted one of her legs between his own, brushing his groin purposely. He groaned instinctively. She smirked as she felt his natural reaction to her continual rubbing. "Since when do you turn down sex, Damon? You're always chomping at the bit for anyone who will take you."

Damon froze against her. He still felt aroused as her hand reached out to start caressing him all over but her words had sent ice through his veins. He started pushing against her more insistently. "Elena, get off of me," he said dropping any pretense.

But Elena did not pay him any mind. He had not resorted to serious force yet and she was taking full advantage of that. She latched onto his neck kissing and licking. "I don't blame you for that. If I were unlovable like you, I guess I would take whatever I could get." He was absolutely rigid in her arms. Suddenly, she bit down, her fangs tearing into his neck causing him to flinch uncontrollably. He felt suffocated and all he knew was he needed to put space between them.

He pushed her hard enough that she had to work to regain her balance on the slippery shower floor. While she was distracted, he left the shower and put on his clothes in a blur.

The fabric was immediately soaked through but he did not care as long as he was covered. He had been told worse by countless people but Elena had the power to undo him. And it felt like she had just exposed him to the world with just a couple sentences.

In a flash, she had him under her on the bed. They were both soaking wet and she was straddling him naked. Any other time and it would have been extremely erotic, especially as she began to grind herself against him.

"Stop, Elena," he said seriously, turning his head away in an attempt to distance himself from everything. But she did not stop and he was hesitant to use physical means to make her. If she were persistent enough, the only thing that would keep her at bay would be snapping her neck or legs. The idea left a bad taste in his mouth.

He heard her take a deep breath almost as if she were preparing herself for something. "What's wrong? You didn't think I actually loved you, did you? I was over Stefan and you were hot and desperate. What did you think would happen? I mean I've never seen someone so pathetically throw themselves out there again and again even as I told you repeatedly just how irritated it made me. You were always in the way with your pitiful attempts to be in my life." She sighed and her breath almost seemed to hitch slightly. "But I figured I'd give you a try in bed. It's all your good for really."

Damon had not moved since she started speaking. Now he wondered if he could ever move again. He felt sick. Her movements against him had caused him to harden even as her words made him want to vomit.

That was really what she thought. She had basically told him so at the Originals' ball months ago. Why was he reeling then? How could he have let himself hope?

"And you're just going to lie down and take it, aren't you? How sad that even now you're putting yourself out there for someone who could care less. If you're going to insist on inserting yourself into my life, you could at least make yourself useful." She was teasing the hemline of his pants with her fingertips making it very clear what she meant.

He could not take it anymore. He sped out the room, still not looking at her.

Elena waited several minutes before she unlocked her frozen stance on the bed.

She heard a strange gasping noise and realized with it start that it was her. She was hyperventilating. It made no sense, she could not feel anything. Her humanity was gone. She could not feel! Why was her heart refusing to listen to that simple truth?

Her hand came up to clutch at her chest but she could not understand why. It was all so wrong, the pain was supposed to go away. But she knew this was a kind of different pain. She still felt detached from Jeremy but not from what had just happened. Why? What was happening?

It was like the sickening sensation that pooled in her gut after her fight with Caroline but so much worse. That was like momentarily losing her balance on the fine line she was walking. Hurting Damon was like careening off the side and clinging to it for dear life.

What right did he have to be hurt? He hurt her plenty of times! But even as she attempted to channel the pain threatening to overwhelm her into rage, all she could see was his face beneath her. He looked so young in his pain. He was stricken and his face had crumpled in the pain that he never let the world see. She forced him to show her vulnerabilities to him. Sitting on top of him, teasing him emotionally and physically so when she geared up for the finale, he would be beside himself and leave.

Her face felt strangely cold and when her hand brushed her cheek, it came away with tears. This was stupid. She got what she had wanted and now she was going to meet with Rebekah.

As she headed out to the designated meeting spot, she reassured herself. I don't feel anything. Damon's pain is of no consequence to me. I don't care that I hurt him. And I definitely don't care about him.

She braced herself for what was to come as she spotted Rebekah waiting for her and wondered why all those thoughts resonated like lies within her mind.

Damon stalked the streets silently. He was seething and could not stop the unjustified feeling of betrayal from coursing through him. He wanted to rip into any of the clueless people around him until they were as bloodless and dead as he felt. But he could not. He had to keep some semblance of ethics since Elena had temporarily lost her moral compass. He had to be the morality police, what a scary thought. He could think of many people who would find him unsuited for the job. He could not say he disagreed.

He sighed as his thoughts returned to the source of his mood. Elena was only speaking the truth so why did it bother him that she said it? He had no right to be upset. Sure, if her humanity were on she would have never said anything but that was because she would not have wanted to hurt him. She was just that kind of person. But it did not change anything, she said it because it were true. Losing her humanity just made her bluntly honest now.

The only thing the switch had changed in that realm was her desire to filter her thoughts.

That was the real difference between Elena and Katherine now. Katherine was out to manipulate and seduce her way to saving her sorry ass. Elena just did not care about what people thought of her anymore and became more honest as a result.

That was why even though she would come on to him, she would not flatter him or capitalize on every opportunity to touch him. She was not trying to trick him or use him for anything more than her libido. She made herself very clear in that area.

Maybe that was why he did not see her actions tonight coming. She was not just mildly teasing him or touching him. She was forceful and unable to accept no for an answer. And she was volleying insults at him even as he did nothing. It was unlike anything he had seen from her in the past week.

Everything questionable she had done since losing her humanity besides things to quench her thirst or lust had been because of someone else. She was not going around finding people to use and destroy.

She stood naked before Stefan, Caroline and him because they were standing outside of the shower, not because she sought them out. She kissed him at the party because he had gotten rid of her other would be suitor. She fought with Caroline because Caroline had come up to her to yell at her. Elena was not trying to cause problems, she just responded in the least ideal way possible when faced with conflict now because she did not care to spare feelings.

That was why it seemed to come out of nowhere earlier. It was almost like she was attacking him without cause. She had sought him out, she had insulted him, she had pursued him excessively, and for what?

What had changed? What had he done to make her come after him? Reject her? It seemed extreme and only hurt her chances at sleeping with him. It was almost like she was lashing out to push him away, but why would she do that?

"So where are we off to, crazy girl?"

"New York City." Elena said without hesitation as she looked out the window from the passenger side of his Camaro. Well, that was quick, he thought, but who was he to argue with that determination? Damon liked New York anyway.

"Well, I aim to please. New York it is," he winked at her.

Was there more going on than he thought? His pace had slowed to a stop and angry people around him were grumbling about him blocking the sidewalk.

On a hunch, he spun around and raced back to the hotel room. He found it empty as he expected and swore. How could he fall for such a stupid trick? And how was he ever going to find her in such a big city?

The real plot is kicking off now. I was nervous to post this honestly. I'm basing a lot of Elena's characterization on Julie Plec's interviews that say she'll be doing what she wants and not having anyone trying to stop her. I think that Elena could manipulate Damon because before she turned she would mildly manipulate him sometimes (like in 2x13 to keep him from doing bad things,) the way and why have just changed with her humanity off. But the switch is also shown to malfunction in emotional moments. So it allows Elena to be able to do such harsh things for her purposes but can't keep the emotion out of it as much as she'd like to (and assumes she'll be able to.)

I'd like to thank the guest reviewer who told me it was normal for new authors to struggle to get a following. It may not seem like much, but I was unable to write before I read that. It was uninspiring when people seemed to not like it. Now I've already written half of the next chapter as well. So thanks! Hope you liked it! And if you care, please review! Because it seems interest has actually dwindled in terms of reviews.