CHAPTER 11:

Tom:

While Jane was up in her room, I called upon Henry and Berkley to help load up the carriage with our food and blankets that was now ready. We were finished loading before she appeared so we waited for her at the bottom of the stairs. She wasn't much longer and we were soon off, our joviality from the morning in the garden seeming to continue on in the carriage.

During our ride, I told them about one of my favourite spots that I go to when I take my walks in the park. Once we arrived and had all alighted, everyone pitched in to bring something as we were all needed to carry something. I then lead the way over to a place where there were plenty of trees for shade and a nearby brook. It was one of the places I loved to come to for various reasons...whenever I am working on a particularly puzzling case or just feel like some solitude. As we had two big blankets, we placed them so that half would be in the shade and the other half in the sun. Eliza, Jane and my daughter then opened up the hampers and spread out the food and contents on the blankets where upon, once this one done, we all helped ourselves to it, continuing our lighted-hearted conversations.

I couldn't but glance over at Jane quite a bit during this time as I love watching her when she looked so contented, happy and being animated. I had noticed Henry lying down on his back once we had filled ourselves to contentment. It looked like a good idea, stretching out after a fill of good food, so I followed suit, only I stayed propped up on my side. At this point, the women folk took charge and started putting everything away for the time. It was while they were clearing up, that I noticed Jane was looking at me...really looking at me as if for the first time...or the first time in a long time at least. I couldn't help myself, I smiled at her. I realized that I must have taken her a bit by surprise as she seemed a bit stricken at first (I'm assuming because I had seen her looking at me), but did me the honour of returning my smile with a rather wan one of her own, then quickly returned to her work.

It was here that Henry brought up the idea of cricket. I have to admit I had no idea why he should think of cricket just now, what might have triggered the idea, but I was a bit amused. He had caught the attention of my daughter though and now that she knew she was allowed to be more casual here with us, she asked him about it which turned into a conversation about girls and cricket. Now...I was a bit suspicious of Henry bringing up cricket...I hadn't forgotten that friendly game we men were playing when I was staying at my Aunt Anne's and Uncle George's...the families of those involved in the game had come out to watch us. My team was doing quite well against Henry's when suddenly, while I was pitching, Jane had strolled rather determinedly up to the pitch with bat in hand. I remember hearing Henry yell out to me to take it easy on her. As she had taken myself (and everyone else by surprise), I couldn't resist teasing her just a bit and kept moving back as if intending to throw a very hard ball towards her, but in the end, I jogged back to the pitch slowly and threw her a gentle ball to which on her very first try, she connected with it and sent it sailing into the trees. I couldn't believe my eyes as she started running back and forth while I finally found my feet and took off to retrieve the ball... I couldn't help but smile at this memory. That was another moment when I realized that Jane was different from any other woman I had ever come to know. She had shown me her spirit and independence that I so admired of her once again. I think maybe that might have even been when I started to really fall for her although at the time I was not about to let her know...I could be just as stubborn in that way as she was back then, I suddenly realized...

I was brought back to the present by Jane saying that she only played cricket when she was younger, with her brothers. Ahhh...I was not about to let her get away with this. I sat up and in a friendly voice, I reminded her that she had quite willingly joined us in a game 'only' 17 years earlier. Apparently, the idea of Jane and myself playing cricket together fascinated my daughter. But Jane was not about to let me off quite so easily either as she then told my daughter in no uncertain terms that we had actually played opposite one another and that she had beat me and threw me a triumphant look as she said so. The knowledge of this took my daughter by complete surprise who couldn't believe that Jane had beaten me at cricket. Because of these two, I couldn't resist throwing a cricket re-match challenge out there, wondering if Jane would take me up on it. She did...sort of, by saying that she could beat me in a re-match any day. So I said that we would have to have a re-match one day then. (And I would not forget her words, little would she know...).

As we had decided to go along with Jane's idea of the pic-nic in the park, I realized that it would kind of pose a problem for all of us talking our walk together. I would have loved to have walked alone with Jane, just the two of us, but I also knew better than to push her in that direction just yet. I could have 'coerced' her into it, by pointing out the truth of the situation, that we would have to take our walks separately so that someone could stay with our hampers and blankets. But I knew that Jane would prefer it if we could all walk together so I came up with the solution that we put everything back in the carriage and send it home. Then we could all take a leisurely stroll through the park and walk home from there as it wasn't really that far. I figured that it shouldn't pose a problem for anyone the walk home, as I knew that the Jane, Henry and Eliza, would have taken further walks at times at their home in the country.

When we decided that we were ready for our walk, we gathered everything up and took it back to the carriage. I explained to my driver what our plans were and told him he could take everything back home and that we would be along eventually. After I dismissed him, I took my daughter Jane's hand into mine and noticed how Jane took hold of her other hand. It was a gesture that pleased me, but I made no comment about it. We set off with Henry and Eliza following us. We took our time in the park but eventually, we came back out to the city street where we walked a bit faster as of course it was not as enjoyable to walk along as the park was.

We were grateful to return to my place so that we could re-freshen ourselves and then we all met up in the garden again after where we could conclude our pic-nic.

That night after we adults decided it was time to retire for the evening, I went around the house to make my rotutine last minute check on everything when I happened to notice that Jane had slipped out of the house and was wandering in my garden. Perhaps it was wrong of me but I couldn't help myself...I watched her from one of the windows inside. She stopped at the far edge of the garden and just stood there, the full moon shining down upon casting somewhat of a silhouette upon her body. I realized that she had gone out there to spend some time alone but I stayed where I was...I was transfixed...there was something about watching her when she didn't realize I was present...

Eventually, I brought myself back around as it had been hard to find some time alone with her, between my daughter and Henry and Eliza and I didn't want to pass up any chances. So I waited until I hoped I had given her enough time for herself before I myself stepped out. I was cautious to approach her as I was still unsure of my timing.

"Jane..?" I asked cautiously. It was here when another memory flashed through my mind...of another night from the past and along with it...happiness...and then pain and anger. It took me by surprise. I had something completely different in mind to talk to her about but when I saw Jane standing in the moonlight and then approached her, the memory of me finding her in Wisley's garden at their ball on my last night there and our talk and how I had offered a way for us to be together...all we needed to do was impress (and ultimately convince) my uncle...here I stopped the memory and brought myself back to the present. I had been looking at her while this was playing through my mind, but she didn't look back at me, so I followed her gaze up to the moon.

"It's beautiful, isn't it..." I said, my former talk completely gone from my mind.

"Yes..." she agreed.

"It reminds me of another night...another time..." I couldn't help myself, now that the memory had come forth so vivid. I had to get it out. "You must forgive me Jane, I look back at that time very fondly of course, but also some anger. If it hadn't been for Wisley and hi..."

I was surprised when Jane cut me off and rather quickly to say. "Mr. Wisley is an honourable man! We are friends still!"

I stared at Jane in complete shock. HOW could Jane be FRIENDS with that...that...jealous fiend after he had intentionally hurt us by his actions! "You and Wisley? Are...friends? Jane? But...how...?" I managed to get out.

Jane now explained to me that, what I had believed all of these years, was not true after all. She gave me another name...John...Warren? I puzzled over the name for several seconds. He was the one wrote the letter? The name...sounded a bit familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. Jane came to my rescue when she realized that I was having trouble recognizing the name.

"He is...I mean WAS an old friend of my family's...he came back with you and Henry when you came out to stay with your Aunt and Uncle."

It took only a few more seconds before it finally registered with me. Henry had introduced me to him when we were in London. I had referred to him as a "sour faced little virgin" to Henry at the time...and then Henry and I decided wordlessly that the 'sour faced little virgin' was most likely lacking as far as "women" was concerned and was in desperate need for some "attention" that would surely take that "sour" look off of his face. When I look back at that time in my life, I am not proud. If I were to have an excuse for my rather randy behaviour, it would be that I had to become the sole provider for my family which was rather large, having 11 siblings altogether and the pressure fell on me to help them out. I was the sixth child but the first born son so it was up to me to help provide for my family. My uncle was good enough to give me the opportunity to pay me an allowance (some of which I would send to my family) while I studied law under him. I appreciated that he would do this for me and I know now that I had become rather cocky with the idea of living in London and being paid while I studied. I was still young with the big city at my fingertips and lving with only an uncle whom I discovered was easily fooled if I wanted to go out with whom I called at the time, my "friends". These "friends", I ended up meeting were other young men who showed me what they had referred to as "the good life" that "every young man should enjoy while he could". It ended up becoming my own lifestyle for awhile because it allowed me to escape from having to become the provider of my family, something I wasn't ready to deal with yet, but I had no choice...I had been forced in to. This was my way of rebelling against it, I could say. This was also why I didn't want my daughter to have to "grow up" so quickly...because I had to and it had been a negative experince for me...It was during this time that I had also met Henry...the one and only one of that group whom I stayed friends with. It was this time in my life when I met John Warren...

And when I met Jane, that was when everything started to change for me. I realized that I no longer wanted that kind of life for myself. That there could be a better life, one that I would rather enjoy...

Bringing myself back to the present, I can see now that trying to introduce John Warren to that kind of lifestyle was a mistake...a costly mistake that both Jane and myself ended up paying for...but...it still made no sense to me...why would John Warren send the letter? Did he hate me so much for doing that to him? But then he definitely did come off as being very straight-laced. He most likely would have thought that Henry and myself were trying to corrupt him. But still...was that why he wrote that letter? And why was it aimed at only me? Did Henry receive one too? It still didn't make much sense to me so I questioned Jane about it who explained that John Warren was jealous of me because he had always loved her. Oh..now at least it was starting to make sense.

When Jane said how she almost struck him herself when she found out and said that they had not seen John since, I couldn't help but be amused but outloud I exclaimed passionately, "And good riddance!" I was happy to see Jane smile at me when I said this so I smiled back and went on, "But look...here we are again after all."

Because after all...as much as I believe that Jane and I were meant to be together, perhaps in some way John had done us a favour all of those years ago. There is no guarantee that my uncle would have allowed our union. We will never know. And if he hadn't allowed it, without it, life undoubtedly would have been very difficult for us had we gotten married anyway...both of our families may not have had anything to do with us. We would have been on our own. And I don't know how I could have not continued to provide from my own family. As much as I rebelled against having to be their provider, I also loved them dearly and would not...could not have left them to fend for themselves. And then...there are my children...I love my children. And I wouldn't give them up for the world. Even though Jane and I had been cheated all of those years ago, we have been given a second chance. A better one...one where we no longer need anyone's blessing or help. We could easily be together now.

The next couple of weeks fairly flew by when Henry announced that as much as they had enjoyed their stay in London, they really had to think about going home. I couldn't believe that the time had come already when we must part ways once more. My heart had dropped a bit when he told me of their impending departure, but I reminded myself that we would all be together in a matter of a couple of months...and if all went well at Christmas...but I stopped my thinking there, for I was didn't want to jinx what might happen in the future. I just had to keep myself positive.

The night before they were to leave, Anna came to me after putting my daughter to bed.

"Mr. Lefroy...I think you had better go up and see Miss Lefroy..." She started.

I was instantly alert. "What's the matter? Has she taken ill?" I asked suddenly concerned.

"No no, she's not ill...but she is upset. I think she might need you."

"Thanks Anna, I'll go and see her straight away." I left her and rushed up to Jane's room where she was already in bed, but it was plain she was, as Anna had said, upset.

I walked over to her bed and sat down on it. "Hey love...Anna said you are upset. What's wrong?" I asked softly-I had an inkling of what might be wrong-gently placing my hand on her cheek.

"Oh father...Miss Austen...she leaves us tomorrow! I...I don't want her to go!" Here Jane actually started sobbing.

As I held my arms out to her, she sat up and threw herself at me. I encircled her body with my arms and held her close to me. "I know. I don't want her to go either." I confessed to her. I now pulled her away from myself so that I could look at her face while I spoke. "We have had a good time while they were here, haven't we." I stated rather than asked.

"Yes.." Jane agreed quietly.

"And we'll see them again..for Christmas."

"I know...but it seems like such a long time from now. And...what if...what if something happens where they can't come? What if they change their minds?"

She kind of had a point there...things COULD happen...but...they HAD to come. Suddenly I felt as desperate at Jane about their visit to Ireland. But there was one thing I was certain of and I reassured Jane about this now.

"They won't change their minds, love. Of that, I am very sure of. If something happens...well, we'll just have to wait and see first IF anything does happen. They can always postpone their trip. It doesn't mean that they can't ever come to Ireland and visit us."

Jane was quiet as she thought about this. I could tell she still wasn't overly happy, she wanted more assurance from me about that, as did I. But I didn't know what else to offer her in that way, because things COULD happen...one just didn't know.

"We MUST be positive about this Jane. We must think positive that it will all work out." I told her firmly, as I took her hands into mine. "Okay?"

She nodded and gave a small, "Okay.." back to me.

"Good. Now settle back down love and try to get some sleep." Somehow I doubted that she would be able to get a good night's sleep, I wasn't sure I would be able to either...I kissed her goodnight and made ready to leave her room when an idea came to me.

"Would you like it if Miss Austen came and said good night to you Jane?" I asked before I blew out her candle.

She seemed to brighten a bit at this and replied, "Oh please father..I would like that very much, yes."

I nodded my head and giving her a smile, I said, "Okay...I'll go and find her." and left the room in search of her.

She wasn't in her room as her door was open and there was no candle burning, so I went back downstairs to check the other rooms. I was puzzled when I didn't find her..until it dawned on me to check the garden. She liked to wander in it just before retiring for the night sometimes if it was warm enough. As there was no moon, it was harder to see out back so I opened the door and looked around. I spotted her in her usual spot and strolled out to meet her.

"Jane?" I called out as I approached as I approached her. It was somehow easier to say exactly how I was feeling in that moment, in the darker setting. "I've really enjoyed having you here. And so has Jane. I've watched the two of you together...and I've been observing her." It was true. I had purposely been watching the two of them interact together as I was hoping that they would get along well. They had seemed to hit it off from the moment they met and I was truly grateful for that. I now went on to further explain to Jane about how my daughter Jane had reacted to her mother's death.

I was getting a bit emotional recounting it for her because it really did pain me to see my daughter who had been so fun loving, carefree and happy become this serious, matured girl practically over night. I could see that Jane too was getting emotional as I spoke, which touched me deeply.

I made sure to let her know how very happy I was that they were going to be spending Christmas in Ireland with us and the past couple of Christmas's had been hard on the children.

"Of course Tom." She agreed quietly.

It was here that I asked her if she would mind seeing to Jane as she was upset at her leaving the next day, which she readily agreed to. As she turned to leave, the words "I'll miss you Jane...when you go home again..." came out of my mouth before I could stop them. She stopped and then gave me a slight bow in acknowledgement. I knew I couldn't expect anything more from her upon my bold statement.

Unbeknownst to Jane, I followed her up to Jane's room and watched and listened from the shadows in the hall to their conversation. I felt a lump start to form in my throat when Jane suggested that they might learn and then play a duet at Christmas for my family...and then the promise of exchanging letters. While I was watching the two of them, another memory rushed into my head. Not about Jane this time, but about my daughter and her mother. Only this time, in my memory, the roles were reversed. It was my daughter who was sitting on the bed comforting her mother...when Mary lay weak on the birthing bed...and ultimately, her death bed. I frowned slightly at the memory. Suddenly, I realized something...Jane had never cried when Mary died. She never cried at home, not at the funeral...not afterwards...not that I was ever aware of at least. As I stood there in the shadows, I also realized that Jane knew...she had known Mary was dying. She had already started becoming the 'mother' while Mary lay dying...

Jane asking my daughter for a good night hug brought me around. It was a beautiful scene that was playing out before me as I watched the two of them hug for the first time. My two Janes said their good nights to one another and then the elder Jane blew out the candle and started walking towards the door. I quickly brushed the tears that had threatened to wet my cheeks away from the corner of my eyes and started for my own room. I heard Jane shut my daughter's door, so I turned around and asked how she was doing so that it would appear I had just arrived at my own door.

"How is she?" I asked in a low voice.

"I believe she will be fine now, Tom." Was Jane's reply.

"How can I thank you Jane.." I said, my emotions still a bit high from watching and hearing the two of them.

"The trick is to give her some things to do to keep her busy and give her some things to look forward to." She explained to me.

"Thank you...very much..." My gratitude was very heartfelt.

"You're welcome of course."

We both stood there in silence for a few seconds before Jane finally said, "Well...I should be on my way to bed as well. Good night Tom."

"Good night Jane." I couldn't think of anything to keep her from going to bed, my own mind and heart was suddenly full.

The next morning arrived all too soon for me, knowing that Jane, Henry and Eliza were leaving. But I wanted to keep my daughter's sprits up about their inevitable departure so I acted as light-heartedly as possible.

The two of us accompanied them to the stage where Jane took it upon herself to hug my daughter and remind her to not be sad about their parting but be happy that we would all be together soon. She also reminded her that she expected her to keep up with her practice on the pianoforte and to expect a letter from her soon.

I was surprised when my daughter asked Jane if she would call her by her first name instead of her 'title name' of Miss Lefroy. But it told me something...that Jane was comfortable with the idea of Miss Austen being a..."mother figure" to her which I will not deny, is was something I had been hoping for.

I was also thrilled that Jane was "honoured" to call her Jane if it is what she wished.

Henry and myself shook hands, while Eliza placed a kiss on my cheek. Jane and myself merely bowed politely to one another.

"See you in a couple of months, Jane.." I said smiling at her.

"See you...Tom." She returned my parting and smile.

It was all we said to one another as all that was in my heart at the moment had already been said the night before...that I had enjoyed her being here with us and that I would miss her while she was gone.

Henry and Eliza were already on the stage and Jane allowed me to help her up onto it this time.

"I shall meet you in Limerick at the end of November, then." I said to them after closing the door and before the stage started leaving. As it did, we all called out friendly "see you soons" one last time. Jane and my daughter exchanged one last gesture, then lastly, Jane and I looked at each other until the stage disappeared around a corner and out of our sight.

I put my arm around Jane as we watched it disappear, then both of us silently made our way back to my carriage which would take us back to a rather empty and quiet house. To help take the sting out of the notable silence and emptiness, I would have Jane practice her piano. And I would get both of us out of the house as much as I possibly could as we waited for the months that separated us all to pass us by until we would all be together again.

End of Part of 1

Starting with Part 2, as much as I do love writing from Tom's Point of View as well, you will (most likely) be seeing less of his. The reason being that I think it will be even more repititious than the first part was if I continue to do from his POV as well as Jane's and that would just end up being a little bit (more?) monotonous. There will still be some POV from him where I deem it necessary/important for the reader to understand some things, just not (nearly) as much as there was in the first part. At this point, all I can really say we'll have to wait and see what ends up happening, but be prepared for seeing less of Tom's POV in the second part. -D

The reasons why he was in the first part as much as he was, was because:

1). To establish his thoughts and feelings about Jane

2). So that I could show how I interpreted those certain scenes from the movie I used in Part 1 from his POV

and

3). To help the readers understand certain things from his own life, such as the naming of his own daughter Jane, how the picnic idea came about and a fair few of those other little tidbits that were mentioned along the way. I would not have been able to show those things without having him bring it up in conversation somewhere with Jane-or with someone else who would bring it up later to Jane at some point-if I had written it in only Jane's POV and I felt that these were important to the story. ;-D