Brace For Impact

"You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result"

- Mahatma Gandhi

Out With the Old

Chapter Seven

Elena met Stefan's widened eyes. For a moment no one moved. Stefan continued to look at the scene before him in disbelief, and Elena felt as though her muscles had been rendered completely useless thanks to recent events. Then she snapped back to reality, Damon was hurt. She had hurt Damon.

She broke eye contact with Stefan. Her hand fluttered to Damon's neck to feel for a pulse. It was there, albeit a little weak. She was hesitant to give him her blood again because of his obvious determination to turn back- even at the cost of his own life. Did he need it? He passed out from blood loss, obviously he needs help, Elena scolded herself immediately. But maybe she could just take him to a hospital?

"What the hell?" She noticed that she had been so lost in her internal debate that she had fully missed Stefan's approach. He was fixated on Damon's still bleeding neck. She realized that he must have seen that she not only drank Damon's blood until he passed out, but Damon was not healing like usual.

Elena figured a little more vampire blood after all she had forced into him earlier would not make much of a difference. She raised her wrist to her mouth and bit down ignoring Stefan's still dumbfounded look. As she forced the unmoving Damon to drink, she finally met Stefan's gaze again.

"How did you find us?" She asked. Stefan looked startled at her random question, but Elena was curious and more than willing to delay the inevitable.

"When neither of you picked up your phones, I thought I'd try to find you myself," Stefan paused, his gaze growing distant. He gestured towards their hotel across the street, "Damon stayed there back in the seventies. He said it was one of his favorite places in the world, so I thought maybe he may have taken you here."

Elena had not thought it was possible, but she actually felt worse now than before. She had used Damon to get her to New York for her own secret agenda of revenge, put him in unspeakable danger, and managed to ruin his life as he knew it. All in in twenty-four hours. Damon, on the other hand, had whisked her away from all her problems, got them a room in one of his all time favorite hotels, and spent thousands of dollars on her all in an attempt to make her happy again.

Stefan always knows the worst things to say, Elena thought viciously. Elena recognized in the back of her mind that she was being unfair. She had asked him how he had found them after all. But in her anger she felt it was just another moment in his long-standing tradition of making her feel guilty. As if guilt was going to save her, save anyone for that matter!

She would just have to show him how much she did not care. She scoffed, "Well, I doubt it's his favorite place anymore considering he's nearly died twice at it in a day."

Belatedly, she realized that she had just opened up the discussion of what had happened to Damon, which was exactly what she had wanted to avoid in the first place. See, emotions just make you act stupidly!

Stefan looked at her angrily. "Yeah, did he now? So what happened between when I talked to him this afternoon and now, huh? Care to explain or should I just take a guess as to why my brother is lying half dead in an alley? Or how about why his blood suddenly smells suspiciously like a human's?"

"Because he is human. And he's lying here like this because I ate him," Elena taunted. It felt good to release her agitation and rage through derision and apparent apathy. She reveled in Stefan's worried face, and it helped let go of the lingering guilt for now.

Stefan moved to take Damon from her lap, but Elena refused to let him. She only drew Damon nearer to her.

"Don't you think you've done enough?" Elena bristled, but he did not say it mockingly or irritably. He appeared almost sad and weary, and it took all the enjoyment at tormenting him out of Elena.

Elena relinquished her grasp on Damon reluctantly. Stefan stood up with his limp brother in his arms and started back towards the hotel. "You can fill me in back in your room."

As Elena went to follow him, she turned back to face the alleyway. She focused her gaze on the man from before. He was staring at her lifelessly. Oh, I suppose I did kill him then, Elena thought unemotionally. So Damon's interference was pointless in the end.

She ignored the twinge in her gut, threw the body into a trashcan, and let Stefan lead her back to the hotel.

The three of them were dead silent the whole way back to Damon and Elena's hotel room. Damon was still unconscious, and the other two were just not interested in speaking to each other.

As Elena let them into the room, Stefan made a beeline for the bed. He stopped before setting Damon down on it. "Can you get me a towel?" Stefan asked her.

Elena just glared at him pointedly. She was not going to start following Stefan's orders. He could get his own goddamn towel!

Stefan sighed. He placed Damon onto the far right side of the bed and walked to the bathroom.

Elena had been listening to his footsteps and looked up curiously when paused for a minute. Then realization hit her. She could not see Stefan from her view from the desk chair, but she knew what had gotten to him.

"What, Stefan? Is the big bad ripper scared of a little blood?" She smirked. She had not bothered to remove the two hand towels soaked with Damon's blood from when she had washed him earlier. And now she was glad she had not. She reveled in not being the only one disturbed by the concept of a human Damon, not being the only one being unable to control the hunger for his blood. She was sick of feeling so weak and discomposed.

So she was enjoying all of this actually. No lingering feelings of guilt, no tickling sensations, and not a single care. Talking to Stefan, she felt nothing but mild irritation. And it was glorious. As long as she did not look at the prone figure on the bed, she had it. She had control. Over Stefan, over the switch, and over her life. It was something she had craved since she woke up to find her parents had died because she selfishly called them away from family night. It was what she had strived for as she watched every family member she had die one by one.

Stefan strode back into the room with a clean towel and without a word. He used the towel to cover the bloodstains from Damon's earlier injuries and then set Damon on top of it.

When he finally turned to face her again, she was angered at his expression. He looked almost sympathetic and that was unbelievably worse than any other potential reactions. Give her displays of violence and reigns of terror, she did not need his pity!

Elena huffed and looked out the window of the hotel room. She did not want to look at his maddening face. And she certainly did not want a view of eerily still Damon from her peripheral vision, which was guaranteed if she maintained eye contact.

"It's hard to look at, isn't it? Don't fight the guilt, you need to embrace your humanity again," Stefan commented. Elena whipped her head back to face him enraged. But Stefan just continued lecturing her with a patient look adorning his features, "It's the hardest part, facing the damage you've done. The horror you've caused. It stays with you, I would know."

"I killed one person, that hardly constitutes as a ripper binge. You would know," she scoffed as she used his own words against him.

Stefan sighed loudly, but she was once again decidedly not looking at him.

"What did you do to your hair?" Stefan asked suddenly. Oh, yeah, Elena thought. She had changed her hair and style. She wanted to feel more confident and powerful and leave all traces of Elena Gilbert, the selfless, martyring human behind. Well, she had partially succeeded. She had never felt less like that girl than she did now. That girl would have died before hurting someone she loved as badly as she had hurt Damon in the last twenty-four hours. But the confidence and power she was supposed to receive by ditching that girl still eluded her.

She was so weak. She could not even control her instincts long enough to not put Damon in mortal danger. Her hands clenched in her lap as she forced her remorse down again

"Elena?" She looked up and saw Stefan staring at her expectantly.

"I felt like a change. Why? Do you not like it? Because I'd love to show you how much I don't care what you think," Elena sneered and felt a rush of satisfaction at Stefan's hurt face. She felt more control return to her. And it was indescribably wonderful.

"I'm trying to help, you know."

"Well, then maybe you should stop because if that's your goal, you're failing miserably."

"Fine, let's not talk about you. Let's talk about how my brother changed species in the last twenty-four hours since I last saw him. Let's talk about how the one vampire I know would rather stake himself than be cured is suddenly human again."

Fine, if he wants to know, far be it for her to deny him. It is not like she cared what he thought anyway. So she told him. She vaguely described attempting to push Damon away, but the light in Stefan's eyes during that part only made her think that he had a pretty good idea as to what had happened.

By the end of the story, Stefan finally looked angry again. Good, let him be pissed. See if I care.

"I can't believe you," Stefan started self-righteously.

"What? You're mad at me for tricking Damon, getting him into the mess, and killing one pointless human? You've done so much worse," Elena snapped.

"And you not only killed a stranger, but you also chose to devour Damon." Because eating Damon was obviously a "choice" I made, of course! Elena thought viciously. How dare he act ignorant of the difficulties of controlling bloodlust to her! Talk about throwing stones from a glass house.

Before she could call him out on his hypocrisy, a hoarse voice cut in.

"It can't be helped, brother," Damon drawled dramatically, "Women have always found me irresistible and delicious. It is my cross to bear," he finished solemnly. But the effect was tainted by his obvious frailty. Even his voice illustrated his strain as he rasped the joke.

"Well, I don't think you need to be worried about that right now. There's nothing tempting about you at the moment. You look horrible," Elena sneered again to cover up the guilt at seeing him so beat up because of her. He actually did look horrible. His skin was clammy and sweaty, his face was paler than she had ever seen, he was breathing heavily, and his arms wobbled under the strain of supporting his upper body. Not to mention he sounds like a chain smoker, Elena thinks dryly.

Damon's eyes were carefully blank as he responded cockily, "Me, look anything less than unbearably handsome? Not possible."

But as he spoke, his arms gave up on the fight, and he fell back down to the bed. "So this is what it feels like to lose too much blood. Why did I ever bother sparing anyone the last century and a half, killing them would have been so much kinder," he quipped roughly.

Stefan sighed. "You would think that, wouldn't you? I can't believe I let you take her here alone. You're such a bad influence. You allowed her to kill someone!"

Damon stared at him in disbelief. "Well, you see, I tried to stop her and that worked out really well," he retorted gesturing to his wounded body.

"You were supposed to watch over her, make sure she did not do anything she would regret when she's back to being Elena again. I'll never let you be in charge of supervising her ever again."

"Let me? You were begging me just a few hours ago to keep her away longer-" Damon started before Elena cut him off, yelling loudly enough to completely drown out his still hoarse voice.

"I am Elena now! Damon doesn't get to control me. He doesn't need to monitor me. If I had my way, he never would be here at all. And he definitely wouldn't have been at Katherine's with Rebekah and me. Trust me, I couldn't have made it clearer that he was unwanted!" Elena was bristling. How dare they try to control her? They had no right!

Damon was fed up with everything. If Elena was going to keep telling everyone who would listen how much she wanted him gone, then he would just leave that be and focus on Stefan.

Turning to his brother, Damon asked, "Did you check on Bonnie?"

"When would I have had time to do that?" Stefan responds incredulously. "I was summoned to New York with no explanation not five hours after talking to you!"

"Great, so we don't know if she's still riding the crazy train with fellow lovely passengers such as hallucinatory Professor Creepy or potentially psycho Silas. Wonderful news to top off a wonderful night." He glanced at the clock and corrected himself, "Day."

"I could call Caroline and ask her to stop by her house," Stefan suggested.

Elena appeared to be seething in the corner. Damon got it, he really did. She was sick of being judged and desperate to make people believed she did not care even as her hold on her switch was slipping. So he understood. But that did not change the fact that he did not want to hear her wax poetical on how much she wanted to be away from him.

"We should just go back now. I'll take care of it." As he spoke, Damon started to get up. He swung his legs over the side of the bed with some degree of difficulty, looked up, and was greeted by two pairs of skeptical eyes. "What? I know I'm pretty but-"

"Damon, you need to stay out of the line of fire. You can't involve yourself in Bonnie's potential massacre," Stefan interrupted.

"Involve myself? I'm sorry I missed the memo that stated you could somehow live in Mystic Falls and not be involved in 'potential massacres.'"

"Think of how dangerous it'd be to get mixed up in this as a human."

"Busboy gets mixed up in the supernatural all the time, and he is human and has no discernable skills," Damon snapped. "I'm touched you're so worried about me," he continued, placing a hand on his chest in a mockery of affection, "But there is a simple solution." Damon shot a smug glance at the visibly angered Elena and continued, "Just give me some of your blood and then- presto change-o, no more human me-o." He waved his hand around theatrically, "And viola!"

Stefan looked uneasy though. "How do we know that you'll come back? What if the cure negates the normal effects of vampire blood?"

"We don't know, which is why we're not doing obviously. Damon's just being a moron." Elena was sending him a scathing glare. He did not know what her problem was; he was not the one who was calling people morons.

Determined to salvage the situation, "Well, luckily I'm well past my expiration date."

Now Stefan was glaring at him, too. "No, let's see if we can get more information before doing anything rash."

"Ah, Stef, always the voice of reason. Except when you're being a idiot- like now. Who the hell are we going to get more information from? Do you know any vampire who's been cured before?" Damon drawled sarcastically, "Because if you do, by all means, please elaborate."

"And you're functioning as the voice of reason? You're proposing we just kill you and hope you come back to life." Stefan was clearly done with the conversation, but his words reminded Damon of a time he did kill someone and just assumed they would come back.

With a quick glance at Elena before deciding tactful was not his thing anyway, Damon spoke up, "Okay, so what if I wear the Gilbert ring? Then if I don't come back as a vampire, I'll just come back as this useless being." It was a solid plan because he would have to pay at least a couple more visits to the Grim Reaper before he started developing his own Mr. Hyde.

And he could not accept that he would not be able to turn back. The idea of Elena and Stefan leaving him behind scared him more than he could admit. Humanity really does mean nothing if you do not have anyone to care about.

"No," Elena barked at him. Her entire demeanor had changed at his words. She appeared murderous, rigid and terrified all at once. He knew that bringing up the Gilbert ring would remind her of Jeremy, but everyone had been doing that and received less of a response. Hell, she smiled at his funeral. What gives? Did her humanity actually come on again? He thought it was just weakening.

"Why not? I'm human now, why not utilize what is virtually the only advantage to being this species?"

"Because," she growled, "The ring is not specific to humans, it only works on the natural. No supernatural entity benefits from it which is why I could never use it even as a human. And my only supernatural ability was to look like my ancestor. Why would it work on a twenty-two year old who was born in 1842? What's natural about that?"

"Between the ring and the vampire blood, something is bound to work. It definitely beats waiting around on the sidelines with Busboy to get killed."

"Oh, so waiting around to be killed is worse than actively trying to kill yourself," Stefan intervened. "And who's to say you won't just be able to live a full life and die of old age?"

Die of old age? Damon thought. The concept was so strange, he spent so long sure that would never be a possibility for him. This did not seem like his life. And really, it was not an option. If his brother would just remove his head from his idealistic ass, Stefan would know that, too.

"Seriously, you think I'll live that long? I nearly get myself killed every week in Mystic Falls just trying to keep everyone alive. And the human life expectancy there is what? If you're not dead by forty, it's a miracle." He could tell Stefan and Elena did not understand, so he put it bluntly for them. "Name one human outside of Quarterback and Liz who has known about the supernatural for over a month and is still alive? And those two don't even get involved most of the time with what happens. Caroline got caught up in the crossfire despite being oblivious, we tried everything to keep Elena alive and that failed spectacularly, and what about the other humans? John? Jenna? Carol? Jeremy? Alaric? How stupid are you to think I could even last a year like this!"

Damon paused to gauge the effect his words were having. Stefan had his teeth clenched, but his expression was pained. Elena had her emotions pushed down so far, it was hard to tell. But he knew he had gotten to both of them, they knew the truth. "You want me to not die, here is a hint, let me turn back."

Dead silence permeated the room after Damon finished speaking. No one seemed willing to break it. Usually Damon would crack a joke and lighten the atmosphere, but he needed Stefan or Elena to cave now.

Damon did not fear death or torture. What he feared most was uselessness and helplessness. And that was all being human could get him. He could not bear to watch people he cared about get hurt or die and be powerless to do anything about it.

Finally Elena interrupted the quiet, invoking her previous tactic when faced with his determination to turn back and one of his personal favorites: deflection. "Let's just go back. I'm sick of this city and talking about this."

Stefan apparently agreed. "We'll look for some potential sources to give us an idea of what might happen before doing anything unfixable."

"Great, you do that, and I'll just find one of the many vampires I know who don't give a crap whether I live or die and get their blood." If they wanted to be stupid, that was their fault. Damon was not going to be caught up in their paranoia and idealism.

They seemed doubtful that he would be able to pull off what he said he would do. They should know better than to assume anything was beyond him when he was backed into a corner.

Stefan sighed. "Let's go. I got a flight here because I was told to hurry, so we'll have to take your car," he said looking at Damon.

Letting it go for the time being Damon enthused, "Great, road trip! But neither of you better start purging your feelings again. You can go on Maury for that shit. I'd rather take my chances of this weak, human body surviving a jump from the car window than play Dr. Phil to the two of you."

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciate it. Glad to see that human Damon hasn't caused that many of you to jump ship. Though some people did unfollow the story and whatnot. So now you see fully the conflict of Damon turning back. Next chapter takes us back to MF and all that never ending drama.

This chapter's a little shorter but I wanted to close off the NYC chapter first. I guess it's kind of a filler. I think I'm going to start doing every other day updates while I'm on vacation at least. If you like the story, please review!