I purposely held off posting this chapter a couple of days as my kids have their Teacher's Convention this week which means that starting tomorrow, they have four days off and I am not sure how it will work out for me being able to get on the computer to write and post. (I SO need to get my own portable lappy or even just a word processor so that if this computer is being used, I can still at least continue to write. ;-D ).

This chapter is not the beginning of "Part 2" but more of an "Interval" between Part 1 (London) and Part 2 (Ireland) and is only the one chapter. ;-D

CHAWTON (Summer 1815)

CHAPTER 11:

Jane:

I didn't speak very much on the way back home as I found my mind wandering over the events of the past couple of weeks. Henry and Eliza seemed to realize this and although I would add my own comment from time to time when I happened to catch something they were talking about, they didn't otherwise try to engage me in their conversation for which I was grateful.

The further away we got from the London, the heavier my heart seemed to become although I had definitely taken away some fond memories of our visit with Tom and Jane. As well, it did help me some knowing that we would be going to Ireland for Christmas. I couldn't help but think what mama would say to the idea of three of her family members going so far away at Christmas time. Somehow I didn't think it would be favourable, but at least I wasn't going alone. She would definitely have forbidden me that of course, not that the idea of going by myself is even an option. I was sure that Henry and Eliza would be able to convince her to let us go and without much (with any luck, ANY) fight from her. I would leave it up to them then. That was most likely the best thing I should do as I'm sure if I were the one to bring it up to her, it would be met with a lot of resistance.

When we finally pulled up at home, no surprises, my sister Cassandra was already outside awaiting our arrival. One good thing about coming home was seeing Cassandra again. I had missed her terribly. I fairly jumped from the carriage, ran over to her and threw my arms around her.

"Oh Cass! How I have missed you!" I exclaimed in all honesty. As much as I adored Eliza, I was looking forward to being able to talk with my sister about some things...as I was sure she would be wanting to do as well. And after all, Eliza and myself never really had the chance to talk amongst ourselves while in London anyway. Here, Cassandra and myself could go for walks and talk everything out without raising any suspicions. And we would also be able to talk at night in our bedchamber.

"And I you, of course dearest Jane." was her reply to me. She greeted both Henry and Eliza as well as they were to stay at our place and rest before carrying on to their own place. In the meantime, I grabbed my bag as Cassandra came back over to me. We linked arms and walked in this manner towards our house together. We met our mother just inside the door, who had been on her way out to greet us as well.

As we hugged, mama greeted me without any preamble, "What's this Cassandra said about you staying at Mr. Tom Lefroy's place in London?"

Ah, I had wondered how mama would feel about that considering how she and my father had felt about Tom when they had noticed that we seemed to be becoming close all of those years ago...and then of course neither of them had been very pleased that he and I had started to run away together.

As we entered the house together, I put my bag down and took off my bonnet. I turned to look my mother straight in the eye when I spoke. "It's true mama...we ended up meeting up with Mr. Lefroy and one of his daughters in London, where all of us happened to be attending a recital one afternoon and he invited the three of us to stay at his place for the duration of our trip."

"But you were to return home before now." She pointed out.

"Yes, that is true mama." Henry now spoke up quickly. "But once we were settled at Tom's place, he encouraged us to stay longer and visit with him as it had been many years since we had seen each other last."

"His oldest daughter was visiting him in London as well, which is how she came to be there." Eliza put in as we all made our way to the sitting room.

Cassandra had filled our mother in with as much information-with the exception of the more personal things of course-as I had given her myself in that one letter I had sent to her for now mama said. "I find it a bit odd that Anne never mentioned the passing of Mr. Tom Lefroy's wife before...nor even of his starting up a law practice in London."

"Anne and I had a silent agreement that she would not talk about Tom to me, mama...remember?"

"But those Lefroys had no trouble staying quiet about how successful a lawyer he had become." She returned resentfully.

"I think we can forgive them for being proud of him for his accomplishments, mama." I countered.

"Oh how they liked to brag about how well he had married too!" Mama sniffed. "In marrying him, it makes one wonder about her."

"Mama!" I spoke a bit sharply, oddly enough, feeling the need to defend poor Mary. "Do not speak ill of the dead! Tom spoke very well of Mrs. Tom Lefroy. She was a very kind, loving and devoted wife and mother."

"I wonder that he deserved such a fine woman then." Mama shot back spitefully.

"Mama! Tom Lefroy deserved as fine a woman as she was, as much as you feel your own sons would!" I fired right back. I could tell that nothing had changed with her. But then, I didn't really expect it to. She had had it in for Tom from the moment we all first met...and even before Tom and I had left together. "Tom is a fine man." I carried on, determined to defend Tom as well. "You should have seen what a wonderful father he is with his daughter. If he is like that with one of his children I expect that he is like that with all of them."

Suddenly mama did something unexpected. She stopped arguing with me. "You are right Jane." She sighed, surprising a bit deflated now. "I shouldn't be so hard on Tom. He has done very well for himself and no one should take that away from him, least of all me."

I was taken aback by this sudden change in my mother's attitude. It left me speechless so I acknowledged her with a slight bow of my head. All at once, I felt quite fatigued and excused myself to go upstairs, unpack and re-freshen after our trip.

I had already unpacked and was just sitting on my bed staring out of the window when Cassandra knocked and entered the room. She came over to the bed and sat down beside me and put her arms gently around my neck.

"It's so good to have you home again Jane." She told me in her soft voice.

I smiled and said, "It's good to be home again, Cass."

"Is it? Really?" she asked me. In my astonishment, I turned to see that she was completely serious when she asked that.

"Of course Cass! I missed you!" I insisted.

"Jane..." Cassandra now took my hands into her own. "You must forgive our mother. She...she was actually quite upset for you about what had ended up happening between you and Tom."

"You mean she was upset WITH me for what had happened between myself and Tom."

"At first...of course both mama and papa, God rest his soul, were upset about that. This all came out when I told her that you were staying with Tom in London. She told me that...after we had learned of Tom's marriage, she never wanted you to know this, but she was upset because she knew how much you were suffering about everything. We all knew. She was also upset to hear that Tom had married "well".

"He had to marry well Cassandra...it was the only way he was able to continue to provide for his parents and siblings at the time." I explained. "He could only rely on his uncle's allowance for so long."

"I know..." Cassandra replied softly. "But don't forget that mama herself married "down". She knew what they really meant about Tom marrying well, that we Austens were not good enough for him...or them. The Lefroys."

"We weren't...and probably still aren't, Cass. We never can be...will be good enough for them. We may as well face it."

"Nonsense! Would you like me to re-read the letter you sent from there? Jane...it's obvious that Tom still has feelings for you. I could tell when I read that letter. He invited you to stay at his place. He invited you back for Christmas! You even told me that he said he had never forgotten you. That...he still loved you."

Perhaps I shouldn't have gotten so carried away and told Cassandra that, how Tom had said that he still loved me, I now lamented. Perhaps I had been too quick to tell her that. "That all seems so long ago and far away now that I am back home Cass. What if he didn't mean it?"

"Didn't mean it? He would not have invited you to go to Ireland and spend Christmas with him and his family if he didn't mean it!" She insisted.

"But...what if it's like we have already said...what about his family Cass? They never thought we were good enough for him and I doubt that has changed."

"But obviously Tom doesn't think like rest of the Lefroy's, Jane...not George, Anne nor his uncle anyway, and he is the one and only one who should count."

"But it DID count when his uncle was alive." I countered obstinately.

"It's a different situation now, Jane. His uncle is no longer living and Tom is no longer depending his uncle and being depended upon by his family...except his children now of course. And he is much more well off now than he was at that time in his life." Cassandra reminded me. "I know you still have feelings for him as well. I could easily read that by the way you wrote your letter to me. WHY must you be so stubborn about this?"

I stood up and walked over to the window and stared out for several seconds before I turned to my sister, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes and threatening to fall. "Because I am so afraid of going through the pain of losing him again. I'm afraid of my feelings for him because of what I went through the last time. We didn't get together last time...what if something happens this time too? Maybe it will turn out that it just wasn't meant for us to be together."

Cassandra stood up and came over to me, then embraced me with a smile. "And maybe...just maybe, you were meant to have a second chance with a certain Irish friend of yours by the name of Mr. Tom Lefroy."

"I am so afraid to hope for that Cassandra."

"Oh dearest Jane...let me tell you that I am not at all afraid to hope. I am quite confident about it myself." She let me go then, went over to her dresser and searched around in one of the drawers for several seconds before she produced an envelope. Still smiling, she handed it to me and said, "Perhaps you should read what you have written Jane. You may see things differently if you do. Here...you hang onto it and read it when you are ready to." Cassandra held my letter out and hugged me once again.

Taking the letter in my hand, I said, "Maybe I don't deserve to have Tom...to be with him and...be happy with him. If anyone deserves that kind of happiness, it's you Cassandra."

"There is no way of bringing back loved ones from the dead." She replied with a bit of emotion in her voice for her own long dead fiance , Robert Fowle.**

"You love him still." I stated softly, sad for her to still be in love with the man you were going to marry years ago, but one whom she never did get the chance to marry and could never now...a man who had been dead for 17 years.

"I do...I always will. I have no desire in my heart to love any other except Robert even though he is gone from me. But what keeps me going is that I truly believe that we will be together again." She answered. I understood what she meant. "But you...you do have a chance...and you do deserve this happiness Jane. I believe that it was meant to be."

I didn't know how to reply to that as I was unsure if I believed that as much as she did. I looked down at the letter in my hand and then exclaimed, "Oh my! I almost forgot! I promised to write young Jane a letter when I got home!" I was glad for the distraction.

"What is young Jane like?" Cassandra now asked of me. "Aside from what you told me of her in that letter. Surely you came to know her a little better over the past couple of weeks."

I smiled as I filled my sister in on what I thought of young Miss Lefroy. But this time I also added what Tom had told me about her the night before.

"Oh, the poor dear!" Cassandra exclaimed sorrowfully when I finished. "She sounds lovely. From what you have said about her, I should like to meet her myself one day. I hope that will be possible."

I smiled at Cassandra but didn't answer as I wasn't sure how...or if I even dare answer that one. I found a quill, ink and paper and sat down at my desk and started writing my promised letter to Jane so that I would be able to send it off in the morning and Cassandra left me to my task.

Dearest Jane:

We all have arrived safely back home and as hard as it was to have to part from you this morning, I admit that I was very glad to see and be with my dear sister Cassandra again. I have told my sister all about you and you know what she told me? That she hopes that one day you and she shall be able to meet. I also hope that might happen one day as she is as dear to me as you have become to me and I do believe that you and Cassandra would get along splendidly...

I did wonder if I was right in saying that I hope that she and Cass might be able to meet one day as I have no idea how possible that would be, but I had written that as I wanted to make her feel better for our parting of the ways. There wasn't too much more I could say as we had just arrived home from seeing them, so I filled it in as best as I could with an account of our journey and that my family was well. It was a rather short letter but I had promised her a letter and I do not go back on my promises. I did end it with greetings to her father and hoping that they were both well. I re-read it, put it in it's envelope, sealed it and took it downstairs with me so that it would not be forgotten the next day.

Henry and Eliza were to stay for dinner but would leave right afterwards and I knew that we had to bring up Christmas in Ireland while they were there so I took Henry aside and told him that if we were to take Tom up on his offer, that he would have to be the one to bring it up to mama. He agreed with me and told me that he would take care of it.

I was starting to feel a bit anxious that Henry still hadn't brought it up while we were eating dinner. I kept trying to catch his eye at the dinner table to signal him that time was running out. Finally, he saw me and returned my desperate gesture with a slight nod of his head, which told me that he understood me. I relaxed somewhat then. But it wasn't until our dessert when he finally brought it up.

"Mama..." he began. "Tom has been very generous and invited myself, Eliza and Jane to spend Christmas with him and his family." He paused here only momentarily. "At his home in Ireland." He finished off.

I quickly looked over at my mother who had a stricken look on her face. I really couldn't say that I blamed her.

"What?" She fairly whispered. "My family does not wish to spend Christmas with their mama?"

"It is not that we do not wish to spend Christmas with you of course." Eliza now tried to comfort our mother. "But we felt that as Tom has made us this offer, we may not get another chance."

"And of course you will still have some of your family, mama." Cassandra now added. "I think you should let them go, as Eliza just pointed out, they may never get another chance."

I threw Cassandra a grateful look for her input. She smiled and gave me a slight wink in return.

"Besides...we have already accepted Tom's offer mama. We can not really go back on it now." Henry pointed out.

This angered my mother greatly. She got up from the table and flounced out of the room without a word to any of us.

Henry stood up and said to the rest of us, "I'll go talk to her...don't worry..."

The three of us waited in a rather subdued manner, none of us hungry anymore for our dessert. It seemed like forever but it was only 10 or 15 minutes later when both my mother and Henry re-entered the room, mama on Henry's arm looking much more composed than when she had left. He sat her back down in her chair and then returned to his own.

"Of course you must go to Ireland for Christmas." She now said with astonishing calmness. She even looked over at me and smiled...a genuine smile. I smiled somewhat weakly back, puzzled. I knew that Henry had the power to influence my mother, but now I couldn't help but wonder exactly what he DID say to her to convince her...I must ask him...

When Henry and Eliza made ready to leave, I once again took Henry aside and asked him. "What exactly DID you say to mama to convince her to let us go?"

Henry smiled at me and replied with just two words. "The truth."

The truth? The truth about what? Now I was even more puzzled than ever. But I could not question Henry on it any further right now as they were ready to leave and everyone had gathered around to see them off. How frustrating! This wasn't the end, there was still plenty of time for me to find out WHAT Henry had said to mama...

In the weeks that followed, Cassandra and myself took numerous walks together. Sometimes we talked about Tom, sometimes we talked about anything but Tom. I treasured these times with my sister. There were times when I really needed her to convince me that what had happened with Tom in London had been real for as time went on, it really did start to feel like just a dream. Was Tom really back in my life? I was still afraid to believe it myself...

One day, a letter arrived back from Jane. I smiled when I saw it on the table just inside the door and opened it up fairly quickly...and just as quickly, I sat down, the smile on my face turning to astonishment. I read..and re-read the letter before jumping up and yelling out,

"Cassandra! Cassandra! Where are you? Come quickly!"

Cassandra ran to where I was, "What is it? What is wrong?"

But instead of talking I just handed her the letter to let her read for herself. She never would have believed me if I had told her anyway. She needed to read it for herself.

Like myself, she too had to sit down, "But...I don't understand!" She exclaimed looking up at me frowning.

"I think I do." I replied. "When I wrote my letter to young Jane I had told her about you and how you had said you wished to meet her one day. She must have told Tom who has now extended his offer of having you come with us! Oh Cass! Isn't it splendid? We shall be able to spend Christmas together in Ireland! I am so happy! Of course you must come!"

"But what about our mother, Jane? I cannot leave her alone over Christmas." Objected my sensible sister.

Of course she was right. My heart dropped a bit as I realized this...I had really wanted her to come with us. Then, "We must call upon Henry and Eliza. Henry will know what to do. And he can also talk to mama again about it." I was determined that my sister should come with us. "You do want to come with us, don't you Cass?" I pleaded with her.

"How could I not want to spend Christmas with my sister in Ireland." She said with a smile.

I was overjoyed. "We must take this to Henry as soon as possible for we should not wait too long before replying."

I knew I would be able to rely on Henry who was indeed able to convince our mother to let Cassandra join us. It was agreed upon and eventually arranged that our mother would spend the time away with one of our other brothers and his family. I sent off my reply to let the Irish Lefroy house-hold know that there would be one other guest for Christmas, my sister.

As for myself, I still needed to find out what Henry had said to our mother to convince us to go in the first place...

**Robert Fowle-Was the name they gave Cassandra's fiance in the movie "Becoming Jane" and according to the book "Cassandra and Jane", she really was engaged but his name was "Tom Fowle" which made me wonder if they changed his name in the movie in order to not have two Tom's, maybe to make it less confusing. As I have based my story on the movie, I decided to keep his name as "Robert". ;-D